Walking Away from Love
by PatriciaS
Summary: Ben returns from Seattle and settles down with Maria. Tim marries Tess. Meg finds that her father has betrayed her and she has to walk away from family love to find true happiness. This is her story. Reviews very welcome any time.AN: 26/11 desimarf Thanks for your reviews glad you are enjoying the story.
1. Chapter 1

Original story and characters belong to the writers etc. of Sunset Beach. Oh yes new characters and errors are all mine.

As in the soap operas modern day life is touched on, facts and fiction are mixed together. In case you are wondering this is just done for fun and feedback, comments are welcome.

Part of the story is told by emails between the sisters so answers and questions like time may pass in the gaps between the end and the beginning of chapters or mail. The emails are in blocks of bold type. Hopefully letters being read or remembered will be in italics.

**Background summary:** At the beginning of September 1999 Ben Evans went to Seattle because of his own misgivings, worries expressed by his estranged wife Maria, and pieces of conversations overheard by Sara Cummings about the Nanny, Tess Marin who looked after his son Benjy. On his return to Sunset Beach, he broke off the 'stop start' relationship with his Soulmate Meg Cummings and returned to his wife Maria and his son. He also supported the relationship and then the marriage of Tess to Tim Truman, who had been Meg's ex boyfriend.

Meg accepted Ben's action were the right ones so sold their Casita and bought an apartment. With her sister she concentrated on the new partnership in their shop Sunset Sisters and moved on with her life. With the marriage of Casey Mitchum to Sara their friendship strengthened.

As the months passed life settled down and dust covered old wounds until Meg found her father whom she loved and trusted above anyone else had betrayed her. Because of that betrayal she realised she would have to walk away from 'family' love in order to find her own future and happiness.

**Walking away from love **

**Chapter 1 **

Mid morning - June 2000

Because there were only two customers browsing in Sunset Sisters Meg's mind kept drifting back to her evening with Peter 'wondering how could he have been so stupid, after all he knew on their first date two months ago sex was out of the question till the relationship was 'serious', … hang it, he insisted it was all right … he would wait till she was ready and 'serious', no one-nightstands for either of them.'

She shook her head, ran her hands though her long dark hair moving it away from her pretty face as she silently chastised herself. 'Wrong move Meg! You're own fault, should have stopped before it even started. … You're soo jinxed!' She had to smile and admit it had been a great meal and movie.

Though she lost her smile slightly as she remembered what happened after and silently huffed to herself. 'Come on … okay … so I offered him a drink in my apartment, but I've done that before and everything had been fine. Drink and talk nothing more… okay … yes a light goodbye kiss at the door. …Nothing more! So why had he taken the offer the wrong way and assumed it was an invitation into the bedroom last night. … Oh boy did he make a beeline for the bedroom. … Whoa HER bedroom … anyway wasn't it the girl who would slip into something simple not the man.'

The smile was back on her face as her mind taunted her gently, 'Come on … if it had been a tv story you would have had everything off before the first adverts started. …Yeah that's what it felt like as though he was scoring points – had a deadline to meet.'

She sighed, half consciously checking that the shop was still there; that her two customers were still browsing and not walking off with valuables. As they had not run off with the valuables or looked likely too her mind reminded her of what she'd been thinking of before her date started that evening. 'The advert of a special offer … a weekend away …to see a show and stay over ……Why did she? … To find out what they would be like together away from here … …hey! separate bedrooms though. …

The little niggle came back with the reason why the separate rooms … ... because he had not tried 'it' on the sofa … and he was … well … safe and slightly interesting. … … Hell! Okay normal then … … no sparkle … like she had with Ben. She hit back at that suggestion.… Hey! that is over finished, accepted … can find 'that' something from someone else. … He could have been the one … umm … … okay given time. … Yeah a long time … not like last night when sex was his only thought … nope no love. … So perhaps the film got to him? … Oh come on! ... it was not 'that' kind of film!"

Not realizing it she ran her fingers through her hair again and then fiddled with a piece of paper by the till as she remembered what she had done when she saw him leaning suggestively against the bedroom door frame. Jacket off, shirt half unbuttoned and hanging out with the dimmed light from candles coming from the bedroom. Quiet words like "Get dressed and out" … Oh no not her … lost temper big time and threw him out, … physically … okay so he might be taller than her but she was angry … no … pissed off big time. … … Knew where to hit and hard then threw him out into the corridor. … Grabbed his jacket and chucked it at him as he got up, … just did not retreat quickly enough so heard his angry words, recalling them now hurt as they had then.

"You're using me! …YOU will never be ready! … YOU just get your fix by watching YOUR ex-boyfriend strut around town! .... Didn't HE sleep with HIS WIFE AT YOUR CASTIA? ... COME ON! MEG! … She's expecting his baby for goodness sake! … Realize it is OVER between the TWO OF YOU. … HE DROPPED YOU SO MOVE ON!!!"

She shivered but her thoughts carried on in her own voice mental weighing things up. "Perhaps he was right you can't start again while Ben is around.' She hit back at herself silently 'No! HE is wrong I'M over Ben … I walked out on Ben and he made it plain in the letter he wanted Maria … I saw that at the Casita and The Deep. I don't get a fix on Ben. So HE had no right to assume I'm holding back because of Ben, I just want to make..."

A cough for attention broke into her thoughts.

'Oops!' Meg thought hoping she had not been talking out loud, looked at the goods then smiled at the customer and said meekly, "Sorry I was miles away."

The customer just smiled and handed over some money to her.

She checked it, "Yes that's the right money thank you." She rang it up then wrapped the things up and handed them over wishing her a happy day and served the other customer.

Then as the shop was empty she put some more things on the shelves and then settled back in the chair at the till and tried to concentrate on the papers in front of her. But her mind was being wayward and refused the invitation and flashed back to the morning last September at Surf Central when she knew she had been right to let Ben go.

'She had been in the kitchen when her sister called from the bottom of the stairs that Casey would be down for coffee in a second and she would bring the post in with her. Sara came in with the post and a puzzled expression on her face and as she handed her a bulky envelope said gently. "For you from Seattle, looks like Ben's writing, strange I thought he would ring rather than write."

Meg took the letter hesitantly, felt the shape of a key and bulkiness of papers and her heart raced, she needed to get away not read it here. Without a word she rushed out of the house till she came to the sand dunes and sat down, opened the letter and carefully tipped the key out on to her hand. She recognized it; it was his one to their Casita and knew it was bad news, not what she had secretly been hoping for. Her mind flashed back as it had then to the storm when they found the Casita, to the story he'd told behind the small figures they found there and then their passionate love that night. She felt her pleasure and hope as he reassured her that he would leave Maria so they would be together again.

Instead of carrying on remembering how it all fell apart her flashback jumped to their next visit to the Casita as they waited to find out if Benjy was his son and his reassurance that everything would be all right regardless of the results. Although she'd tried to believe him she knew she would never bond with Benjy in the way he had, mainly because Benjy was the constant reminder that he had loved and married Maria first.

Suddenly she found herself reliving the terrible drive back from the Casita to Sunset Beach after finding the evidence he had taken and slept with Maria there. Then she was pacing the sands under the South Pier trying to come to terms with it all and Casey finding her, and him eventually trying to convince her that Ben would not do such a thing and should be confronted with it.

But she couldn't because she knew that nothing could change the fact that fact Maria was his wife and Benjy was their son. And she would be the mistress who broke up the family, which would make what they had into a sordid love affair, like those of Tim and her chief bridesmaid and her sister and the congressmen. She knew that her and Ben's time together deserved more than that.

She shivered as her mind drew her onto the letter, hearing Ben's voice once again as she had that morning as she sat amongst the dunes and read it.

"_Dear Meg. _

_It was lovely to hear your voice on the phone just now but I could hear the pain you are feeling and that makes me very sad. I realize I have to do this today, before I see you again. _

_I'm writing rather than phoning you so you can come to terms with things quietly in your own time. I am sorry I cannot be there to help you through the next few days but I know your family will be. _

_I want you to know that I have and will never regret or forget our love together. You gave me a reason to carry on living; it was love and will be forever, that is why I still think of you as my Soulmate but will never call you that again. _

_I now realize our love is killing us, the ups and downs have been my fault and I am sorry. I know nothing could stop the pain you felt when my brother hurt you or when Maria turned up and later Benjy. You tried to accept it all and make sense of our love. I am sorry I was not always there for you. _

_You have always believed in the family and family love, I know if we followed through with our love you would have lost the ones you love - your family and Casey, I do not want that. You were right to walk away from our love and us. _

_Last night when I saw you at Surf Central you made it plain you wanted to make a fresh start with or without Casey - I must and will honour that._

_I for my part have a wife and son to get to know and try to love again. I want to do this, and I know it will take time. _

_We will see each other around Sunset Beach and things will be difficult. So I hope you will understand I am not really ignoring you only trying to break our ties._

_All I ever wanted was for you to be happy._

_Hopefully we can move on, we both have family ties in town so need to stay. To do this I must also break with Casey I do not want him to feel torn between us or take sides. As a close friend I hope you can help him understand that I am doing this for both your sakes and past friendship, which I have always valued. Maybe some time in the future we can become friends again if not then we can at least acknowledge each other without hurting everyone._

_I do not know if you will go back to Liberty Corp. but I want you to know I have decided to stop working there although my financial position will stay, it would cause problems if I pulled out completely. _

_As Benjy will be at school I have decided to help Maria start a gallery, which was her dream all those years ago and let Roger become a full time evening manager this will free my evenings and allow you and your family to go there in peace, if we do meet there I will give you space. _

_To some these changes will seem as though I am running from you, I am not. I am just trying to give us both time and space to get used to our new lives. I hope that your parents will still be able to treat Benjy with the same care they always have. Although we have clashed I have always respected them and looked on them as an uncle and aunt for Benjy as I have no family and Maria has so few._

_I enclose the spare key to the Casita, and a letter for Charles who has the deeds, which are in your name so you may do what you want with them. I will always remember the way we found it in the rainstorm and our times there, I am sorry they have to end this way. Charles also has the pearls for safekeeping they meant so much to me I want them to be with you, like our memories, for safekeeping. _

_So it seems I must finally bow to what everyone calls fate and do the right thing. I do it regretfully but I can live with it as long as you are happy and it is your wish. I love you and always will but our love is too destructive to carry on. _

_Take care and please forgive me when I only say good day to you. I know you have your family's love and understanding and some when you will find that quieter love you deserve._

_Yours forever,_

_Ben_

She felt stunned; tears ran down her face as she quietly cried among the sand dunes for the love she had finally lost.

"Meg what's wrong?" Broke into her thoughts, she looked up at the speaker and realized where she was and who it was.

Antonio held out a hankie which Meg took and wiped her tears.

"You were miles away... … about Ben?" he said gently.

Meg could only nod her head in agreement.

"Do you want to talk about it I'm not in a hurry?"

She smiled at his offer but guessed why he was there and asked. "How is Maria?" She found it strange how she could switch so easily back to the present.

Antonio smiled "I thought you should be one of the first to know - she is fine and they have a baby girl." With genuine concern he carried on. "Now talk to me while it's quiet as a friend or Priest it will go no further."

Meg knew she could trust him; her voice was a little shaky to begin with. "Thank you I know that … I've just broken up with Peter and what do I do I flash back to Ben's letter telling me he decided to stay with Maria I thought … No that is wrong … I am over that … accepted it and moved on. … I walked out on him he just confirmed it." She sighed, feeling better the words were out in the open and carried on ruefully. "Dad will have a field day when he finds out about Peter, he was so sure it would work and it might have but for last night when Peter tried it on and I chucked him out."

Antonio said gently understanding her meaning immediately. "Oh dear. … Hank thinks you're ready for more commitment. … Then there's old fashion idea of being left on the shelf if the younger daughter or sister is married first."

She gave a gentle laugh. "Yeah and I suppose he is still smarting from the fact I let Simon live with me in the new apartment I bought with the money from the Casita. … He assumed we were an item, though we never acted like one." She sighed "Gosh that was back in November; … it was not till April when his partner George turned up to make a fresh start that Dad realised …" She smiled as she carried on. "Everyone else knew so why shouldn't he. … After that he was on my back all the time. Sara's elopement with Casey made it worse, I think he wanted to prove to everyone in town that he, Hank Cummings could get at least one of his daughters properly married."

Antonio could not help smiling but his voice showed his concern. "Meg your love with Ben was something special. I must admit I did not think Ben would go back to Maria not after the way you two fought for each other. … I believe both of you lost something special when you decided go your different ways. … I respect you both for it and you need to give your heart time to heal completely. … You left him because you felt it was wrong to be with him, but Maria getting pregnant so soon did not help … must have felt like a slap in the face."

Meg sighed as she replied. "Yes and no. … Ben and I always took care when we slept together, we did not want complications. He explained in the letter he was going to work at his marriage and our love had been special. … It's just that every time anyone gets close to me I want that special feeling he gave me … the warmth and feeling of security … no one else can give it to me I do know that … but I thought Peter and I might find something but he rushed it."

Antonio shook his head in sympathy and said, "Perhaps you should move away just for a while so you don't have your father breathing down you neck all the time, and you will not see Ben." He saw her guard come up and carried on. "Oh I don't mean you're running away because you are not, you stayed and seen things through. The shop's good now … what about taking a shopping break for Sunset Sisters it might make it easier for your father to understand then if you see somewhere you like you could stay a little longer if not you have not lost anything. It will give your father sometime to think as well."

She thought for a moment and smiled liking the idea. "Not a bad thought, though Dad will want to keep track of me I swear he thinks I'm still in baby clothes." She ended with a slight giggle

Antonio laughed he was pleased she was starting to cheer up he valued their friendship which had grown in spite of the obvious difficulties and added. "By the way Gabi wanted to know if you could stand a girls night out this evening she's conned Ricardo and myself into looking after Benjy calling it a boys night in!"

She smiled. "Yes that sounds great. I'm glad you are all getting on so well in spite of Carmen's attempt to split them up. …You see we are an understanding lot round here really."

Antonio smiled. "Yes I know. Look there's Sara talk to her while it is quiet."

"Thank you, Antonio."

He put his hand on her shoulder then turned to leave her and as went out he said. "Sara everything all right?" Noticing the bounce in her walk.

"Yes thank you Father Antonio." Sara had always kept a distance in her friendship with Maria's brother, she noticed smudges around Meg's eyes and said "All right Sis?" and came over towards her full of concern.

"Yes better now. Antonio came to tell me Ben and Maria have a baby girl, but that was not why I was down. So what are you going to have?" she ended with a smile.

Sara stopped and said in mock disgust. "Oh Sis that's not fair! Can't keep anything from you can I!"

Meg shook her head still smiling went over and hugged her then Sara carried on. "I don't know what it is yet I go for a scan next week. That new doctor wants me to take things easy and does not like the idea of me flying something about blood pressure so Casey and I cannot go on our trip." She paused and spoke her thoughts. "I was wondering if you would like to use my ticket and we will just cancel Casey's ticket, ring the hotel and change it to a single room. You can visit the shop see if they have any more goods available, check out the workshop, which was closed when we were there and see if there are other places nearby even hire a car." She ended with a smile.

Meg listened in silence knowing how much Sara and Casey had been looking forward to returning to the special town having gone there on a buying trip and came back married. Faced her father's anger then eased it by having the marriage blessed in the Mission the following week. Later she'd quietly admitted they had planned the wedding to avoid their father's pressure and her pain of having to walk up the aisle as a bridesmaid. In their sisterly friendship she admitted she could not have been the bridesmaid it had been painful at Vanessa's wedding. So they promised a week away for their honeymoon but now her sister could not go and … …

Her sister's quiet "Penny for them." brought her back to now, she smiled saying. "Remembering your trip, I think you need help back here not me gadding off on a holiday leaving you to do all the work. And you have to give the new doctor a chance Sara."

Sara sighed dramatically. "There have been so many since Tyus left, … I'm seriously thinking of finding his e-mail address and asking him to return. … Anyway Emily or one of the other students can help and perhaps we should train someone to take over when I stop to have the baby. … Now that's out the way how did you're evening with Peter go." She eyed here sister "Oh! I seee … … another one down the drain then, … Dad's not going to be amused!" chuckling in sympathy.

"Nothing to do with him!" Meg exclaimed then added. "Funnily enough Antonio was suggesting the same thing ... a holiday calling it a buying trip … do you think you could manage? I mean I would hate anything to happen."

Sara gave a gentle sigh, put her hand on her sister's arm, sometimes she felt as though she was the older sister not Meg. "Mum can come over and sit in the shop; in fact we could use her as a stand in when the time comes give her break from Dad." She gave a cheeky smile.

Meg laughed "No she will want to be free to help with the baby … more likely give you break so you can be in the shop. … When are you going to tell Casey or does he know already?"

Sara smiled "He knows we went together. Now he's going round with a big fat smile on his face. As if he did all the hard work! … He'll have it wiped off his face later I can tell you!" She added darkly then laughed as Meg laughed.

A customer came in giving them a curious look Meg stopped and smiled. "Its okay just found out Sara's expecting a baby." The customer smiled and walked over to the pictures standing in the corner.

Meg said quietly "Can I tell Mum and Dad when I go over to the Shock Wave. Unless you want me to stay here and you tell them."

"No you can tell them now …I have a funny feeling they know … go on have a break and think about the trip it will do you good."

"Okay see you in a while, ring if you want me back early!" Meg grabbed her bag, smiled and walked out the shop.

oxoxo

On her walk over to the Shock Wave it seemed as though all the new and expectant mums had come out to do their shopping or go to the beach. She spotted Tess and Tim coming out of the baby shop and smiled thinking how the thought of fatherhood had changed Tim. Certainly his marriage to Tess seemed to be working well and pregnancy obviously suited her. She still could not get over how Ben had changed towards them first by sponsoring Tim for a college scheme and then a bonus to Tess, which enabled them to set up a flat as well as her job in the Art Gallery when Benjy went to school.

She realised it had been one of the things, which had stopped her father cursing Ben at every opportunity the other had been Benjy. She smiled remembering how the child had managed to win Hank's heart and he had become his unofficial uncle, allowing the Shock Wave to have parties for him and his friends. It was not unusual to find Ben or Maria there but if she was there and when Ben was her father would give them both the evil eye, would have gone ballistic given half the chance. But somehow Ben always managed to make sure there was enough space between them, as he promised it was just the casual 'hi' never anything more which was why she was so cross that anyone would think she still mooned over him. Keep her memories talk about them yes but not more.

She crossed the street and walked into the Shock Wave. There was only one seat unoccupied at the counter so as soon as her mother saw her she made sure it stayed free by putting out a cup and a plate of sandwiches on the counter for her.

"Thanks Mum!" Meg sat on the seat and looked around. "No Dad?"

Joan poured out the tea. "No he's getting some bits from the store room. Everything all right you look tired?"

"I'm fine, two things Maria's had a baby girl and I broke up with Peter last night though don't say anything to Dad yet."

"No of course not. Don't worry plenty of time. How do you know about Maria?"

"Antonio came over to tell me, they are both fine."

"I know how much it hurts you, but I'm glad nothing went wrong. Eat up, everything will come right just give it time."

Meg smiled, her mother always took the pressure off her, she started to eat the sandwiches and Hank came back laden down with boxes which Joan helped him with.

She waited till they were both together then said, "Dr. Peterson has confirmed Sara's expecting."

Joan smiled replied "Thought she looked peaky the other day everything all right?"

"Dr. Peterson told her they couldn't go on their trip something to do with blood pressure, know more when she has a scan next week. She suggested I go instead and look over a shop and the workshop they couldn't check out properly the first time. I'm worried she might be doing too much if I do."

Joan knew it would do her good and immediately said "No, I can go over. We've plenty of cover here and Debbie can work a shift over there she's very good and wants to do something more challenging. If you want someone to train to take Emily's or Sara's place later she would be ideal."

Meg smiled and decided she had to tell them now. "Good, then I think I'll take the break it's for a week but I might take another week and stop off, look at some others places on the way back."

"Fine as long as the plane lands first." Joan said with a smile Meg laughed.

It made no impression on Hank though and he asked with an edge. "Why the sudden rush Meg?"

She schooled her expression and stacked empty plate and cup as she answered. "No rush Dad it's not for a couple of weeks … I've never had the reason before, you know getting Sunset Sisters up and running has been hard work."

"Saw Peter this morning thought that might be the reason. He told me you still aren't over Ben."

Meg looked at her father "No Dad that's not the reason." She felt cross that Peter would go to him and carried on with an edge in her voice. "Did he give it to you word for word, action for action!!" There was a slight twitch of guilt from Hank and she felt her temper rising. "Well so now you get my side of the story. We went out for a film, a meal I asked him in for a drink after. .... We've done it before and no problem but for some reason Peter assumed sleeping with me was all part of the evening." She could not believe what just crossed her mind so she voiced it. "Hey! Did a big bird suggest something different this time?"

She expected a 'don't be daft' reply instead she saw the twitch of guilt again and knew she had hit home her anger boiled, she didn't care about the onlookers she let rip, her voice loud but not shouting every words was clear.

"For heaven's sake Dad! You know I still think sex is something special not for one night stands! … Like you've always told me!! Something to cherish!" She saw his expression and said a bit quieter but with a bite to it. "Has he been running to you about our other evenings out none of which included bed afterwards, … I hope you've enjoyed the trips Dad!!" She saw Hank wince and let rip again. "I hope it was not all your idea in the first place Dad!"

She got off the stool letting it clatter to the ground as she stormed out of the Shock Wave.

Hank picked the stool up and looked after her shaking his head muttering. "Ben's got a lot to answer for!"

Joan's quiet voice carried the same bite her daughter's had. "No Sweetheart you have!"

Hank spun round, his expression starting to show anger but it was stopped by his wife's cool expression, which spoke volumes as she carried on. "You've accepted everyone else's decisions but never Meg's. You've always wanted to be in control of her and keep her too close. We only came here because Meg was here."

Hank started to speak but Joan added quickly. "No do not lie. We knew the farm was failing but you still wanted Tim to have it so it would keep Meg close. Then we came out here to see how Meg was doing and stayed. We never visited Sara; we left her to fend for herself.

We could have set up back in Kansas with our friends but no you wanted to set up here ... Yes I know Sara was here as well … but what would you have done if Sara moved elsewhere … gone to live with her and left Meg?.... No I see not. … I'm not saying we made a mistake coming here we did not. … But we did get too close sometimes, never gave her the chance to stand on her own and fight for Ben on her own terms as she did before we arrived.

Now I think she may want to stand on her own again and we have to let her fly ... let her go then she may come back to us in time. … If she wants to go on this trip let her … we have friends who can help us with Sara."

Hank calmed down slightly thinking about Joan's words, but was not ready to accept them and pointed out. "We did let her go when she left Tim at the church … WE did not make the mess she got herself in BEN did. … She is always getting hurt. … Meg was just a stand in while Maria was away that's why I did not like it. … He's proved it by staying with her and starting a family as soon as he could!"

Customers settled down, some nearby delayed finishing their drinks and meals, the staff carried on as though nothing was happening; they all knew this was unusual.

Joan smiled at how stubborn and naive her husband could be and kept her voice soft but firm. "No Meg was never a stand in Hank. They loved each other and for some reason they agreed to let it die, and go their separate ways. Meg has never fully explained what happened … she may do one day … but I doubt it. The real truth! - We never got to know Ben or his background even when he saved your life in the earthquake it did not take you long to find fault with him again."

She ignored his look of indignation she was going to finish this now she'd started. "Come on, you were always quietly pleased when he failed your so-called high standards. Truth! - he tried to reach them and do what he thought was right without hurting anyone, and found he could not. … Someone always got hurt and I expect he was the one it hurt the most. So he did what everyone thought he ought to do and stayed with his wife and son. Granted it is working and they love each other and have a new baby, but it has not been easy for him.

Her voice was softer as she spoke but she hardened it when she wanted to make her point and Hank knew he could do anything but listen. "You have to admit you're attitude towards him has changed because he's left Meg. You've even accept Benjy as if he's a kind of grandchild. But will you let Meg go and do what she wants, NO! you still hope she will stay by your side like the child she used to be and you think she is.

Well Hank Cummings our daughter Meg is a very good daughter, she IS over 21 and can GO where she wants, SEES whom she wants not who you want … So give her your blessing and let her go!" She didn't storm away she stayed hoping her words would sink.

Hank shook his head and was hurt by her words; he always had the idea that she thought given free choice Ben would have stayed with Meg but she had never voiced her thoughts, and tried to defend himself. "Why all this concern about Meg, I've always let her make up her own mind. You know damn well she can be stubborn and we know where she gets that from." Looking straight at her.

Joan smiled and replied straight back. "Yes you! … It's because you could not resist bringing up her break up with Peter. She is hurting … She did not want it mentioned and it proves you've been stirring again …YOU knew something had happened before Meg said anything. … You did not learn with Tim did you! …. You had a hand in it and you've just made it worse, every time she goes out you are there watching to see how it's going, ready to jump in. You are not giving her any space. So … I hope she will enjoy the week's break and if she wants to extend it we will give it our blessing whether YOU like or not! Understand!" She met his glare.

Without looking away he said. "Yes ma'am!" Then trying to sound casual added. "You said they have a daughter everything all right?" and started to turn away to start serving again. He knew she was right he hadn't wanted Meg to go and he missed her. He also felt the staff and customers were watching them, they never rowed in public but today they had.

"Yes" Joan replied as she went back to putting things away pretty sure Meg would leave for good now she knew her father had been at it again. She also knew she would have to have a quiet word with her before she left and felt cross that things had suddenly got so bad. The sound of children's laughter and adults talking as they came in cut into her thoughts and brought the Shock Wave back to normality.

oxoxo

Joan rang the bell to Meg's apartment expecting Meg to answer and was surprised by a voice behind her.

"Mum can I help?" Sara asked.

Joan turned and smiled "I hoped to catch Meg. "

"She'll be here in a moment I've got a key. Casey's got some food and Meg's got the drink. … Its okay only fruit juices we are having a meal sort of combined celebration for us and hoping to get her to go on this trip. I've got some more details to help."

Joan smiled quickly realising that Meg might not have told Sara everything that had happened said. "Don't push her she's already made her mind up to go."

Sara exclaimed. "She said nothing to me this afternoon! … In fact I got little out of her." she gave a true sister grin and added. "No that's not true a clean and tidy stockroom because she hid herself in it … that's why I agreed to this … to get her to open up before she goes and sees Gabi."

Joan sighed and explained. "Big row with Hank in the Shock Wave I'm afraid. Let me help you."

"About Peter?"

"Yes."

"Okay enough said then." Sara knew better than to pry, she would bide her time drip, drip effect could work better sometimes than a frontal assault where her sister was concerned.

They went inside the apartment and put the bags by the chairs then made their way into the kitchen to get plates etc. in comfortable silence. When they returned Casey and Meg had arrived and were sorting things out.

Meg stopped and watched her Mum trying to gauge what was going to happen and got in first. "Hi Mum did not realize you were here everything all right?"

"Yes fine, Dad sends his love." They laughed and Joan carried on "No really. I had a few words with him after you'd gone and I think he sees his mistake about Peter. If you want an extended holiday that will be fine with us."

Meg ran her fingers through her long black hair pushing it away from her face, it was a habit she had when she was worried and exclaimed. "Hey! Why does everyone want to get rid of me all of a sudden? I find out my sister's pregnant and everyone one wants me gone."

Joan explained gently. "No love its just you need space. Something new, different then you can come back fresh…"

Meg butted in she was not angry just needed them to know how she felt. "Gee whiz Mum; I thought I was doing fine. … No that's wrong I know I am doing fine! … I have a great apartment I have a job I enjoy with my sister who is going to desert me for a baby." She smiled at her sister as she said it and carried on. "My family and friends around me … I am okay! … I don't moon over Ben like Dad thinks I do. … As for Peter he made a promise and broke it last night, that's fine I know where I stand and there are a lot of men out there Mum. I don't need Dad's help. … Yes I will accept this buying holiday and come back and be the same as I am now. … It's you lot who will not let me be!"

Casey and Sara clapped at the end of her speech and she gave a mocking bow feeling better not that she'd felt too bad before.

Joan saw her daughter meant every word of it she was fine and would be fine once she got over what had happened today, she went over and hugged Meg and said gently. "I understand … now go and enjoy you're evening."

She hugged Sara and Casey and left them to their meal, knowing she had some sorting out to do with Hank.

Oxoxox

Hoped you enjoyed it please review.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2 **

Over a week passed and life carried on as normal … well as it can with a couple getting used to the idea of having baby in the future. Debbie started helping in the shop so Sara could rest. Sara's scan showed she was expecting a baby girl which pleased everyone though Hank rolled his eyes at the thought he'd hoped for a boy to even the odds and a change. The Shock Wave had had extra customers after all word had got around about 'the scene' but Joan and Hank had had a little talk and were working all right together.

Meg worked and had cooled down … a bit; she knew Peter had started their relationship because he liked her and not because Hank had suggested it. That night and break up had not been her fault it had been his. So she was not jinxed. But she could not forgive either of them for what happened. So she ignored Peter which was not hard to do as he seemed to be ignoring her. As for seeing her father, well, she didn't totally ignore him though she stayed silent around him; if in company she answered yes or no if need be and let the others do the talking. She didn't want to cut him off completely but then again she could not give in quickly, he had to understand her point of view - she'd grown up now.

Hank for his part accepted this attitude and was not going to push things. He'd been told and realised he'd over stepped the mark. He knew Meg would come to him and not the other way round. She needed time to build up trust again and if that meant leaving for a while he'd accept that. It wouldn't be forever he knew that, she was his daughter after all.

Oxoxoxo

While sitting in her lounge finishing her breakfast and jotting down new ideas for her trip Meg realised she needed to do something about the apartment just in case she stayed away for months rather than the fortnight.

The phone rang she picked it up and smiled as she recognized the voice on the other end. "Simon how's life."

Simon sighed, "Fine really … I mean the business is doing well but, George and I have to move out of our home by the end of next week. "

Her mind raced and unthinking Meg said. "That's a shame but useful, … oh sorry, did not mean it like that." She had heard Simon's sort of puzzled "Oh" and gave a gentle laugh as she explained. "I'm going on a week's trip more likely two and there's possibility of going to explore the rest of US if the mood takes me … so, if you want to you can move in and look after it for me."

A gentle laugh of relief mixed in with his first words. "Okay, I forgive you. So when could we move in and any restrictions … I take it George is welcome." He knew the answer before he asked but he wanted to make sure all the same.

Meg replied happily "Of course he is. I'll have to check with the boss about insurance etc and paying the rent if that's all right."

Simon chuckled as her slight hesitation at the end about the rent and reassured her "We would not expect to be in free of charge. Give me the details as soon as possible I know George will be thrilled though sad you will not be around. Don't worry about breakables we will make sure everything is in one piece and leave a room for you. To the main reason I called. What do you think of your accountant ours is retiring in a couple of months?" He sighed. "Talk about everything happening at once."

Meg laughed in sympathy. "Yes and you know things run in threes so watch out for the third one. He's very good and willing to listen as well as explain everything I knew him through Liberty Corp so yes I think you three will get on well. I'll email the details when I get to the shop if you like?"

"That will be great and give love to Sara. Oh you'd better warn Hank we will be in your apartment."

Meg sighed. "Yeah I'll tell Mum, Dad and I are not talking he started pushing his noise into my life big time."

"Oh sounds bad and private, good luck with him just remember he does love you. You take care now."

Meg chuckled "Yeah you too. Talk to you later Simon."

She put the phone down smiling remembering the months of freedom she had while Simon was around. She rang the landlord's office and explained everything to the secretary who would pass the information on, then tided up and got ready to go to the shop.

As she checked the room, memories of the first time she saw it and knew it would be her Casita came flooding back. She could almost hear Paul explaining that everything was provided because the owners had just pulled out of the sell to travel aboard. Her thoughts about finding something quick and cheap were totally forgotten, because she'd felt a special welcome as she looked across the large lounge dinning room, which was bathed in sunlight, as it came through the glass doors, which lead into the garden area.

She took the apartment then and there, gave Paul the deeds to the Casita as payment or part payment and returned to Surf Central to explain to Sara and Casey she was leaving and needed time on her own. That evening in her new Casita she curled up on the sofa listening to a CD and reading a book, unthinking she snuggled into the blanket, which had come from the other Casita and sometime drifted off into a comfortable sleep.

When she woke she knew what to do and unpacked the figurines from the old Casita and a photo of Ben and put them on the bookshelf next to her desk in the alcove, made by the stairs to the bedrooms. She was not going to hide from her memories of him or their time together they were part of her past to be added to.

She shook herself back into the present disturbed slightly that she had dropped into the past so easily. With that memory she knew that deep deep down when she had left Ben she would have been pleased if he had walked away from Maria and Benjy completely and disappeared with her. But she also knew they would not have survived it … guilt from both sides would have killed their dream. So, she had been right to leave him then just as she was right to leave her family now and move on. Her soulmate whoever that might be was in the future and not here, she grabbed the keys off the table and walked away hoping the shop would be busy.

oxoxo

Later at Sunset Sister Sara had popped out and Meg was serving at the till when she registered another couple of customer were in the doorway. She looked up hoping to see Sara had returned it seemed that all of Sunset Beach had suddenly decided to come in and brows or buy. Instead she saw Ben then Maria carrying her baby, she returned their smiles noting how well and happy they looked and carried on serving the customer but greeting them. "Hi Ben, Maria you both look well, baby not keeping you up at night then."

With a smile Ben came over and stood next to her and spoke before Maria could answer, "Not really. You're looking well and busy," he also acknowledged the next customer with a nod and smile, and while Meg carried on keying in the amount for the goods he carried on gently. "Maria was thinking of buying the vases in the corner for her mother. Sorry you can not come to Samantha's christening."

Meg smiled at the fact no one minded their chat as she served the customers, some of the women had gone as Sara used to say 'gooey' as soon as he came in. Some others had gone over to admire the baby and chat with Maria. But as he mentioned the baby's name she'd felt a shiver go through her, that would have been their daughter's name if things had been different and he knew that. She kept her voice level and acknowledged. "Nice name. Those are the last ones and the box is behind them. It's a business trip, Sara cannot make it … she should be back in a minute if you want to wait for her to help you."

Ben kept her gaze and then nodded and walked over to the vases.

Meg carried on with the customers glad for the distraction.

Then it was Ben's turn, and again he came up close to her, Maria was talking to another couple and did not notice. Meg managed to get the till between them but their hands brushed as he gave her the money having put the boxed vase and paper on the counter. She could feel his eyes on her as she rang it up and rolled the paper so he could do the proper wrapping later. She found she needed a bag from the side of the counter, he was there again his hand close to hers and she shivered as they touched.

This was so was unlike him he had kept his distance till now; as if he understood her thoughts and tension he moved away. But to her dismay it was only to nearer the till, so they would have to get close again she had to accept that. Silently she looked at him sternly only to see a hint of a smile and possibly a sparkle in his eyes. She didn't want a scene so she put the box in the bag and as she handed him the bag she raised her voice without a hint of annoyance. "May I see her Maria!"

She swore she could see the words 'spoil sport' across his expression as he immediately stepped back because Maria had stopped talking and was coming over to her.

Meg looked at the sleeping baby and said genuinely "She's beautiful … Benjy pleased with his new sister?"

Maria smiled warmly and answered. "Yes he is over the moon; of course he can't wait till she is old enough to play together, keeps hoping it will be tomorrow." She looked at her husband and said. "Come on Ben. Meg's got a few more customers." As she moved towards the exit she added. "Hope you enjoy your trip Meg."

Ben started to follow her and smiled at Meg and said softly "Thank you. Meg"

Turning to help another customer Meg tried to put the feeling he'd been playing with her out of her mind but found it difficult because his voice had an edge of tease in it … possibly a sexual tease in it.

oxoxo

Not long after Sara came back and the shop gradually quietened down and over cup of tea Meg casually mentioned what had happened feeling a need to get it out of her system in the open rather than have it churning round her mind.

Sara shook her head and smiled looking at her sister and said gently, "Sis its neglected husband syndrome. Maria's tied up with baby and Ben wants attention. Just as well you're going it would be like a moth to the light. He's the moth and you're the light."

Before Meg could say anything her, a messenger came into the shop with a letter for her. She opened it and scanned before sitting down on the seat heavily, her sister looked at her with concern.

"It's from Paul about the apartment." Meg re-read it, taking in that the apartment was hers; she paid for all the utilities. They on her behalf would sort out the rent for the new tenants and any profit would be sent onto her main account if they could have its number. It gave a list of how the rent would be made up.

She exclaimed in disbelief. "Those apartments are luxury ones Sara I thought it just covered the rent for a year not the whole thing. … It was fully furnished!"

Sara was surprised as she realised what her sister meant and exclaimed with a grin. "Hey don't knock it. You will have breathing space. If you get desperate Mum said she would get Dad to buy you out of the shop."

Meg looked at her sister realising those two had been having heart to hearts and said. "No I want to keep this as a fall back. Simon and George are renting the apartment."

Sara laughed and smiled then reassured her sister. "Dad's forgiven them and you over that." She looked at her sister and said seriously. "I'll make sure Dad knows after you have gone and Casey will drive you to the airport tomorrow afternoon. So it's all coming together the big move onwards."

"Yeah right." She sighed suddenly she feeling afraid as if she was stepping of a cliff into thin air and the ground was miles below.

Sara said gently. "Hey Sis you've done this before remember you will be fine." The door opened and she called out. "Hi Mum what can we do for you? Something expensive I hope!"

"No thanks just a quick quiet word."

"No problem Mum, I'll shut the door." Sara flicked the closed sign as she shut the door and came to join them on the corner seat.

Joan looked at their concerned expressions and said quickly "Nothing's wrong I just wanted to explain about your father's attitude towards Ben. I thought he got over it years ago but I was wrong I'm sorry."

"Mum got over what. You're scaring me!"

"Meg I'm sorry. Look it happened before your Dad and I married, do you remember I told you about the red sports car before you set out to marry Tim."

"Yes I thought you meant Dad and you just never made the trip because of the farm."

Sara didn't understand it but kept quiet as her mother went on to explain. "No it was your Dad's best friend Stan I loved him in the same way you loved Ben. Oh he was quite handsome and had style, enough to live on and a lot of girls liked him but he and I really hit it off. Unfortunately he died and in our grief your father and I found our love for each. What I did not realize is your father sometimes feels he was caught on the rebound. I've often told him how deeply I love him, but sometimes it's not enough. He thinks you have the same pain I had and with no one close to take care of you, you will do something bad on the rebound. I know you will not."

There was silence for a moment as the girls realized what their parents had been through.

Meg replied gently but with conviction she really felt. "Mum I know Ben and I are a thing of the past. He has his love in Maria, we both understood our love could not be without hurting the ones we love so we decided to leave it alone. I promise you I will not fall for the first handsome bloke I see, I know I need to settle first and I will e-mail Sara as often as I can. But I don't want Dad to know where I am, perhaps then he will come to terms with the fact I've grown up and will make my own mind up. I love him but his attitude is breaking that love and trust that Ben and I separated to keep."

Joan smiled understanding her wish completely and said. "Okay I know he has hurt you and at least through Sara I will know you are safe. Can we can ring you at the hotel for the first week though?"

"Yes Mum that will be fine. Tell Dad I love him."

"Oh I will and deep down he knows that." Joan said as she got up and walked with her daughters to the door then kissed them and said goodbye, knowing for one it would a while before she saw again.

"Well that explains a lot doesn't it?" Sara said as she flicked the sign to open and they walked back to the cash till ready for the next customer to come in.

Meg nodded adding. "I suppose so; anyway you can keep him happy for a while with all the baby news." Then she turned her best sister smile on and gently pleaded. "As it is quiet can I beg the afternoon off I need to pack a few things away so Simon and George can have some room."

Sara laughed and with a teasing smile added. "Been spreading to all the rooms, and there was me thinking it was too big for one! Yes go on … Emily's coming in later as she has an afternoon off College."


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

"Simon, you're sure you know where everything is?" Meg asked as she came out of the kitchen.

Simon sighed "Yes Meg, you've told me three times, … got it written down not to mention John can show me! Oh and I've been here before. Get your things and GO!" he smiled taking any possible sting out of his words.

Casey smiled and could not stop the very quiet chuckle as he watched from the doorway.

Meg smiled and took the hint and gave the main room one last sweeping look and had the sudden feeling she would not see it again.

Simon caught her change of expression and said gently. "Meg it will still be here when you come back to stay for good or a just a visit - I promise you."

She looked at him and laughed and said. "Thank you."

Casey gave her his own kind of hint and picked up her case and started down the corridor towards the exit to the car park.

Meg called out. "Okay! I'm coming Casey! I'm coming!" and picked up her bag and laptop and followed him. She knew if she looked back the safety and welcome the apartment radiated would give her that extra tug back. But also Simon's words had brought back that flicker of adventure she'd been feeling before the flash of reservations took over. She wanted to go and she was going it was just butterflies.

oxoxo

As they drove to the Airport she looked out the window saying a quiet goodbye, closing all her memories not to forget them just to put on one side for a while to make room for the new ones. She knew once she was on the plane and up in the air she would be fine, this fluttering would go and she would be able to think of the new places she was going to visit.

At the airport Casey quietly got Meg's things out the trunk of the car and they went over to the terminal entrance to join the many people bustling around, waiting for flights or arrivals with the call for passengers and flights over the speakers.

Seeing and hearing started the familiar rush of excitement through her body cancelling all her fears. Casey found a trolley and put her things on it and as she put her hand baggage on the top her hand rested on his and she said gently. "I'll be all right Casey thank you …go get back to Sara."

"You sure Meg" He was a bit concerned she had been so quiet on the journey and he'd seen the change in her expression from confidence to sadness then back to her quiet laugh and reply to Simon.

Feeling confident now she was here and the bustle around them she smiled and said truthfully. "Yes thank you, I know you've got things to do and we've really said our goodbyes already. "

He smiled knowing what she meant none of them liked public goodbyes and saw she was fine the attack of nerves was gone and he could report back to Sara she was really okay. "All right then. We've got your e-mail address and we will check ours every morning and about 8 in the evening our time. Of course we know where you are and have mobiles if we get desperate, don't worry I'll make sure Sara does not report everything to Hank.

Meg laughed at his tone on the word everything and kissed him on the cheek then added with true friendship. "Thanks for everything."

Hearing the tone he could not help but say, "Hey that sounds like the last goodbye which its not." He smiled at her chuckle and put his hand in his jacket pocket got out some papers and envelopes and handed them over to her explaining. "These bits and pieces Sara found at home in a box on the shelf by the post dump as we call it so they might be quite old." He added with a tease remembering Sara's words. "She thought you could go through them on the plane, you know chuck them out the window if you don't want them."

Meg took them putting them in her bag and laughed at the picture in her mind. "Oh Yes, aim them at a passing clouds I suppose." She gave a sisterly huff as she continued. "Trust Sara to think of something to keep me quiet, give her my love and thanks for everything!"

Casey gave her a hug then turned and walked away deliberately resisting the urge to turn and check she was all right. That really did sound like a last goodbye, he knew her plans were flexible and she needed to feel she could trust him. She could, so he would just keep walking believing she would be back that she hadn't quietly decided otherwise.

oxoxo

Now Casey was gone Meg looked around the entrance hall and bustling people and suddenly felt slightly lost. She took a deep breath and thought 'You wanted this young lady now you've got it. Go.'

She found the check-in counter she wanted and waited in the queue, glad she was alone it looked as though it was going to be a long wait and there was plenty of time.

Gradually she worked her way up to being second in the queue, when her attention was caught by an unfolding drama.

A man in uniform raced up to a group of people passing through the area to get to the private planes and took one of the ladies to one side. The group stopped giving them space as woman listened to the man shock and an exclamation came from her. "Sorry Sir!"

At that everything seemed to grow silent around them as a gentleman who had been in the front of the group came back to the woman and talked quietly to them. Although obviously upset the woman seemed to be arguing a point till the gentleman's words came across not shouted but clear and said with compassion. "You go, your mother needs you. I'll take the computer it's got all the information and perhaps I can hire an assistant when I get to the conference. Last resort I can ring you in a day's time."

The woman opened her mouth to argue again but the gentleman carried on gently making his point. "You come back to work when you are ready not before … certainly not before I get back from the conference!" He looked over at the uniformed man and carried on. "Adam you make sure everything is provided for Mandy and her mother and keep me updated, her case will be waiting for you." The uniformed man nodded and took the distraught woman gently by the shoulder to guide her away.

To the watchers it was obvious the boss had spoken and that was that in the nicest possible way.

The man behind Meg quietly muttered, "At least he did not sack her, but then his father was a good boss so I suppose it runs in the family. What fun having to go to a conference and working blind like that?"

"Excuse me miss?" came the soft but slightly sharp comment from the check-in counter.

Meg smiled realizing she was next and handed her ticket in, the phone at the desk rang and the assistant answered it, listened the commented. "No-one umm hurt … ….good how long … … oh all day and tomorrow. …Okay"

She put the phone down looking concerned before saying. "Sorry Miss Cummings." Then she stood up and raised her voice as she continued. "Everyone please listen." She got their attention and carried on. "The airport you are going to has been shut down till tomorrow at the earliest. A plane crashed landing with a few people injured not seriously though. But I'm afraid other vehicles were involved so it's made quite a mess of the runway." The assistant looked across at the group and smiled saying "Not your airport I'm afraid Sir."

"Pity! Now all I need is a quick study assistant for two weeks." The man said with a rueful grin.

Not feeling like going back home and having to explain endlessly why she'd not gone to everyone Meg thought quietly 'what the hell!' and spoke up. "I'm a PA and can do a quick study if you like." She grabbed her things to one side and the man immediately came towards her as she continued "I used to work for Liberty Corp. if you need a reference."

The man smiled "I'm Robert Simpson you are?"

"Meg Cummings"

Robert thought for a moment and decided things weren't quite so bad after all. "Miss Cummings I know your work reputation through AJ so if you wish you can ring him and get my reference." and added with a smile "I wouldn't like you to think I make a habit of picking up young ladies like this every day. I'm going to Boston****for a two week conference if you're still interested. We can exchange details on the way."

Meg gulped at the distance she knew she wanted to get away but to the other side of the USA! Then again she'd made the jump from Kansa to Sunset Beach so why not.

She smiled and took up the offer of ringing AJ on a private phone in the VIP suite. She got straight through to him while Robert left her alone to find out about cancelling her ticket. She explained everything and getting the reassurances she needed asked that it be kept between the two of them only. She put the phone down thought for a while then rang Casey leaving a message on the answer phone explaining she would contact the hotel etc. and not to worry. Robert came back and as they walked out to their plane explained the plan for the flight and introduced her to everyone.

The plane was medium sized and spelt luxury but not over the top and efficiency. Meg's excitement grew as she went through the computer files and found out about the organization she was now working for. The pay nearly blew her mind away it would be twice as much as she made at Liberty Corp and accommodation was free. As she discussed things with Robert she came to like him and found out he was married had two children in their early twenties. His firm/organization was based in Seattle and had just opened a new office in Sunset Beach.

As the plane passed over the countryside and through time zones Meg chatted, laughed, ate and learnt only stopping to have her breath taken away by the view of the city and surrounding area as the plane came into land at their final destination.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Meg followed the Bellboy to her room reminding herself never to go out without her key there were so many floors and rooms. The room was large with a seating area one end and a large double bed and bathroom at the other. The Bellboy put her case and laptop on the bed and with an explanation that all tips and extras would be paid by her company wished her a good stay and left.

Getting used to the luxury she sorted her things out, showered and changed glad she'd packed a smart dress and knew she'd have to buy another couple of outfits soon, perhaps from the shops close by. She finished styling her hair and went over to the bed sat on it looking out of the window at the city scene with the lights glowing in the evening gloom. Fascinated she gradually realised this was a different kind of beauty from the one of Sunset Beach or on her parents' farm.

With those thoughts she got up and put her laptop on the table and connected it to write her e-mail then stopped as her memories flashed back to her on-line chats with Ben. She took a breath and stopped those thoughts and opened the laptop – these were not the same by any means and would not be answered immediately - with a gentle shake of her head she keyed in the address and started.

**Hi Sis**

**Guess I jumped again. I know I said I wanted to get away from it all but this far! **

**Nope I'm not telling just know I'm safe and excited.**

**The city (not one you've been to) looked huge as we flew over it, and now beautiful from my hotel window as I look out. I am so far up! **

**Okay not as high up as some I can see, can't wait to explore the City!**

**Contacted everyone and cancelled everything they will send you the refunds. The people at the workshop will send new catalogue with a few things added they are thinking of starting a web page! **

**Okay … okay … a few details just for you and your blood pressure.**

**Flight was great, room to move around and food was edible, no I mean really edible!! Information mind numbing … only hope I can get everything right. Of course you you don't know … I with a group and am working! … as in PA work. **

**Boss is nice and married with family in Seattle, new office in Sunset Beach, (don't hunt it out or tell Dad, really don't want to find him on my doorstep!) **

**AJ vouched for new boss and I told him not to tell so don't press him. **

**How did it happen his PA had family crisis at the airport so I stepped in as I thought it would be easier than coming back home and explaining over and over again why I was back. I know you'll understand. **

**Conference is for two weeks and as I am so far a way I'm going to stay longer possibly stop off on the way back if I don't find anything here.**

**Remember in your phone calls home you said the city lights were beautiful well so are these and so different from anything I've seen before … must be the height of the room. As for the size of my room, think of my lounge/diner (only with bed and sofa etc in) and all mod cons of course. Bellboy is good looking but don't get ideas I'm not a baby snatcher! Lift attendant way too old!!! Other guests don't even go there!**

**Hope no one was worried when the news came on air about the crash. Will let you know how I get on of course. I've still got a lot of things to do and did lots on the plane so those letters and things you gave me will have to wait a couple of days can't hurt I see some are dated 1999 most probably junk mail.**

**By the way the pay I get will cover everything and more so don't worry about my money your end. **

**Love to everyone and make sure you rest.**

**Meg.**

As she keyed it to send there was a knock on the door … Robert was waiting for her.

They made their way down to the restaurant where he introduced her to some friends; during the evening as they chatted together she found her past did not matter. By the time she returned to her room to sleep she'd forgotten about being nervous regarding the conference meetings the next day everyone had been so friendly she felt perfectly at home.

oxoxo

Next day she popped into her room during their lunchtime break to check her mail and found one from Sara.

**Hey Meg**

**Where are you? **

**Long flight … Food edible guess that means private plane … Big City … Hey there are loads of those in USA! **

**Dad is not going to bite! (Casey will make sure of that.) and especially if you are that far away. Also Mum has him on a tight lead.**

**Everyone is fine thanks to your very short phone message to Casey before you left werealised you were not involved but were worried about what you were doing. You know that thing everyone says to children especially girls … the one about talking to strangers … obviously went straight over your head (LOL). **

**Mum says if AJ knows about it she is fine about it. (Got a funny feeling she made a call just to be sure … whatever … she is really okay about it. I'm dying of curiosity though!) Blood pressure is okay thanks ... more information will keep it down.**

**Love you, seems quiet without you! (no one to tease or nag Oh could try Casey I suppose. Nah he's bigger than me) **

**Anyway enjoy.**

**Sara. **

Meg smiled as she read it and decided to answer it straight away.

**Hi Sis**

**Glad everyone is fine.**

**Please forgive me I trust you but if you don't know Dad cannot wangle it out of you and you will not have to watch what you say all the time.**

**I know it sounds unfair but I don't trust Dad yet. **

**I thought he had learnt not to meddle when things went wrong with Tim. Looking back I can see his influence now … yes I know Tim was my choice but there was a limited choice when you think about it. I also realise that every time Ben tried to work things out Dad was difficult, a sort of short acceptance of an apology but quick to bite when things went wrong again. No real support. I think it would be the same with me at the moment because he'll want me back under his thumb. **

**I wish I realised it sooner and could have helped Ben, not that it would have made much difference in the long run just made things easier for both of us at the time. **

**So tell Dad I love him and will contact him when I think the time is right. You can show him this if you wish so he knows you are not lying. **

**First meeting was great, although I nearly died when I walked into the room 150 people! lots of bosses and PA's but after a while felt at home everyone seems friendly. Had to answer a few questions, got them right thank goodness, and asked a few but that was when we had broken up into smaller working groups. **

**Looking forward to lots more talks and film show. … about business of course!! (your mind!)**

**There's a group of us going out on the town tonight, Robert has made sure one of the girls is local so we don't get lost! Yep before you ask girls group only - mixed group perhaps tomorrow.**

**I want all local gossip (will not have time to read on the internet paper) (know you will love that excuse … hehe) will think about coming back for Bette's wedding but no promises. **

**Love to you all, give Mum a hug for me.**

**Big kisses and yes I am happy.**

**Meg**

There was a gentle knock on the door as she sent it, she knew the door was slightly open and called out for the person to come in and smiled as she saw who it was.

The blonde beauty came in carrying a couple of files and said with a smile. "Found these lying around reckon we should check them over before facing the lion's den again."

Meg nodded as Sylvia went over to the sofa and putting the files on the table adding in a casual tone. "Oh I've ordered food extras to be delivered to keep us happy and save our legs … on the house of course."

Meg laughed and asked, "Do we need the laptop?"

"Good idea, the rest of the gang are being lazy till 2.30. … So which do you want Johnson and Johnson or the delightful Hogwash Company."

"Oh I fancy Hogwash Company!" Meg replied laughing. "Who on earth thought of that name?"

Sylvia grinning handed file to Meg. "Don't knock it, they earned 1million dollars in the first quarter of the year, and about half in the last quarter."

Her interest peaked Meg opened the file and really laughed as she saw what the company did, her friend laughed as well.

They both tried to control themselves and failed.

Meg took a deep breath and huffed saying. "Okay fun over, serious business."

She had a presentation and ideas to put forward so browsed the next page saw the firm photo and muttered. "Mind you the boss is good looking but …" and giggled again.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Relaxing in her room Meg smiled knowing she could get used to this luxury and fantastic nights out and thought about her day, which had been good in spite of the crisis.

It had been a call for help from a new firm in one of the groups and half way across the States. There had been a freak storm that had left a trail of debris - building, computers and equipment as well as slightly injured staff. From then the conference changed from giving verbal support to hands-on support in a heartbeat. Everyone pulled together asking questions and making plans, phoning firms till eventually information, people and equipment were going out there so the order that could mean the life or death of the firm could be dealt with and necessary support given. As she'd watched she realised just how different these groups were and knew the rest of the conference was going to be really interesting.

Thinking about it again she wondered if perhaps there might be a place for her somewhere after the conference, she might even be able to use her contacts as stepping stones across the country till she got home. She put her thoughts away and got out her laptop to see if there was any mail from her friends.

She chuckled at the one from Vanessa and Michael and sent a quick reply back then settled down for the last one.

**Hi (feeling green and not because of my condition either.)**

**Though must admit facing 150 is a bit daunting but the rest sounds good … nightlife umm hangover next morning? And the next. And the next. Don't over do it!**

**Simon and George settling in okay. Shop is fine lots of people asking after you and buying things at the same time! (goody!!!) **

**Friends are fine and send love. **

**Had discussion with Mum and Casey and we decided to show email to Dad, we knew it came from your heart.**

**He went quiet and says he is really sorry … and I think he really meant it. **

**Mum says don't feel guilty we know you love us. **

**You wanted gossip not a lot; well it has only been a couple of days **

**BUT you know SB. **

**Rumour … pop group coming to hotel … well something is as they are doing a clean up job big time, you know whitewash, weeds out etc. Bette has been calling round but no joy so it must be very big and hush hush! Perhaps they are going to play on the sands!!**

**Umm … Ben is going round like a bear with a sore head. According to Annie he's lost 5 million dollars on an Internet scam, (if it had been me I would have exploded but then what's 5 mill to him?) Jude's looking into it but not a lot can be done unless they can trace others so it will be a carry on saga. I swear that girl still has the hots for Ben to be honest don't know what Jude sees in her … unless it's the challenge. **

**(Oh meow! But you should have seen her as she told the story she was almost crawling up Ben (in her mind) if you see what I mean. Jude came in the shop and she immediately cooled down! Well sort of cooled down! Thought I saw a glint in Jude's eyes as he told her to stop spreading gossip. The more I see of that lad the more I know I would not want to get on his wrong side!)**

**Ben came around looking for you and your email address told him I lost it I think he got the message if he did not Antonio promised to sort him out. (That was before I knew about the scam …. wonder if I was a bit hard on him ah well Antonio will know what to say either way.)**

**Just thought saw Antonio talking to Dad I wonder if he might help Dad he's a good listener after all.**

**Of course the BIG news till last. You know me! **

**Went for another scan … they found a hidden baby … Wow having twins!!! Yeah umm second thoughts two at once! Ouch!! **

**One of each!! Still have to sort out names well months away yet!!!**

**Anyway think we might have to look for new home. Surf Central not suitable for twins one maybe but two in the lounge no way! Those stairs as well! **

**Gabi and Ricardo are looking for a new apartment I think they realize having just one room will be a bit tight. (Oh that sounds so bad!) (Perhaps they'll do a swap umm bad idea four in one room. Not a long walk to the bathroom I suppose!) Nah scrub that idea.**

**Mum and Dad are fine, all right Dad might still be sulking but he's okay really nothing we cannot handle. **

**Casey sends love as do I of course.**

**Sara**

Meg chuckled at the thought of Sara coping with twins and wondered if they could perhaps buy somewhere and keep Surf Central as an investment she knew Casey really loved the house so many memories. She shook her head as she thought about Ben it must have been a good scam if he had been caught.

She settled her thoughts and started her reply.

**Hi Sis**

**Great news about twins a family all in one go. (Okay one after the other) Would not fancy those stairs too much with one let alone two. I suppose Casey will have to sell sad thoughts but hope you find something just as nice more rooms on one level. **

**Surprised Ben got caught like that he was always so careful, perhaps he was thinking of the new baby … never mind not my problem anymore. **

**Feel much better now I'm away from Sunset Beach but still think of him and everyone else. No, no tears just happy thoughts as it should be now I have moved on … I think I should have done this sooner Antonio is right the gap has helped. **

**Nightlife is great; Nope no hangover. It seems to be all go here. To be honest I would like it to be a bit quieter. Meetings are breaking up into smaller groups all very interesting and cover businesses of all types and places. We've sorted out a couple of new business deals and the other PA's are great bunch I think time will fly. **

**Sorry if I miss a couple of nights just know that everything is fine and I am enjoying myself here … I'm glad the wages are good … loads of shops so spending!!! Will look out for ideas for our shop as well. **

**Give hugs and kisses to everyonefor me! **

**Guess I know what you felt like in the big city! Freedom! **

**Meg**

She checked her watch and knew she would have to hurry if she was going to make to the film in time.

She found her bag and jacket as the phone rang, she answered and listened "Yes just coming." Put the phone back and rushed to the door smiling.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Meg was enjoying the peace and quiet as she sat in her room looking across the city skyline and was hit by a twinge of guilt for not emailing Sara sooner. As she had warned her time had flown and inevitably the only times she could have emailed back home the laptop was not with her. She sighed it was time for her to move on but as yet she did not know where, all she had were ideas nothing solid so she could not tell Sara much, but she needed to know everything was okay for the family's sake.

She got up and set up her laptop, her thoughts already getting sorted.

**Hi Sis**

**Sorry about not replying to your quickies but time has really flown and I've been so busy working and playing. **

**Glad to know shop is doing well and Debbie is copping okay. **

**Sorry about Dad's cold bet Mum enjoyed peace and quiet! I was going to say give him a hug for me but then you might get the cold. Thoughts are there. **

**Sorry to hear about morning sickness no doubt Mum can offer help.**

**The conference is ending tomorrow evening with a dance. Spent lots on clothes etc will need a truck soon to transport them! Not sure what is happening Robert is closing a couple of deals here tomorrow and insisting I go along. I feel so at home in this job it's amazing talk about a big wide world of business and yet they can be so close – just a phone call or email away. **

**Anyway I'm sure he is up to something job wise … will let you know. If not then I'm going to look for new place to move on to, have a possible stopover at one of the local PA's home for a month. So don't worry about me!**

**I may even find a smaller town which will be quieter. Everyone is rushing everywhere with little time to stop and stare and some of the scenery and buildings need staring at! Especially the one made of glass the reflections are amazing, as well as the older ones and some of the streets are soo long! Umm that is the downside my poor feet. **

**Attached is some information about goods for the shop hope to send some stuff on a plane, details later so keep an eye on mail. If you run out of space at the shop see Simon he says there is room in the apartment or possibly a cupboard at their business. (You know Simon's cupboards!!!)**

**I suppose we are too small for web, okay scrub that idea, all that wrapping and posting. But lots of people here have shown interest and said if they ever come our way! **

**Must go if I'm to get any sleep tonight.**

**Love to everyone!**

**Meg**

She sent it and yawned she had promised herself an early night but it was nearly midnight, well that is early compared to 3 o'clock this morning. The phone rang so she went over to the bed curled up on it and answered it.

"Hi Tracy". She said as she recognised the girl's voice and guessed it was going to be another long night.

She giggled as she listened to what was happening then answered. "Be right down!"

Sleep was forgotten as she found her things and ran to door … this was way too good to miss.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

The alarm woke Meg and at first she wondered where she was then remembered the night before and thought she could still hear the beat of the music in her head.

The dinner and dance that had closed the conference had been a fantastic affair with a band that was out of this world and everyone dressed up to the lines – dark suits and long dresses. Robert her escorted and dinned with her then stayed around till her friends gathered and was waylaid by a businessman who was passing through that night. Meg who'd never been to anything on this scale enjoyed herself with her new friends but there were just one or two occasions when she'd found herself alone at the bar and had missed the really close friend she'd had back home. That had led to the extra drink or two before she was off dancing or talking to friends. Not enough for her to lose control or anything like that … no just enough for her to wake up with the beat of the music in her head … in other words a hangover. … Oh joy!

Slowly she made her way to the bathroom cabinet and found the pills and took them.

The phone rang so she plodded over and answered it, it was one of the PA's cheerfully reminding her that the car would be ready for her in a couple of hours and everything needed to be packed etc and hadn't it been a brilliant evening. She agreed had a chuckle at a shared memory and then promised she would be down at the car on time.

She sighed as she put the phone down then rang for a cold breakfast, she could not face a hot one at least a cold one would wait for her to want it. Looking round and at the closed wardrobe and dressing-table draws wondered where to start packing first, and decided that could wait till she had showered, changed and perhaps even had breakfast - words like 'burying head in the sand' came to mind as she thought about it.

She shook her head and wished she had not, then went to the wardrobe knowing she'd have to get dressed first – she found something smart but casual knowing she had a meeting with Robert later. In the shower she let the warm water run over her body and gradually relaxing finding the headache easing and in the background heard the noise which told her breakfast had arrived and realised she felt hungry.

After her breakfast she knew she had to face it, there was no putting it off and it would not go away and pack itself … pity that.

So she faced it, packed the easy things first, then laid all her clothes and other things on the bed and sighed. She had come with one case and a bag now she had this lot … she smiled to herself at her extravagances … she could not blame anyone else either.

She packed in order of importance thinking that perhaps she could leave a few things behind, that done she knew she was in real trouble … her case was full and there was still a pile of things she could not part with the pile she could was one book. The rest was not small enough for her to push into a plastic bag or tuck under her arm either they needed a case.

She looked at her watch thinking about going out and getting a case … hell time had flown. In frustration she turned away from her problem and knocked her laptop off the table scattering a pile of papers onto the floor. She huffed and started to pick them up automatically sorting them out and unconsciously hoping 'that' problem behind her would go away just like her headache.

As she sorted them out she realised these were the things Casey had given her when she started out and flicked most of them in the bin as they were junk mail. But the last one caught her attention it was a bulky posh white envelope and stamped from Seattle dated October 1999. A gentle shiver ran through her body as she handled it wondering if it was a posh form of junk mail as most other landed in the bin without a second thought. Turning it over she saw the name of a hotel and it twitched at the back of her memory and curiosity got the better of her. Moving some of the clothes and things further up the bed out the way she sat down to open the envelope.

Taking the letter out another envelope fell on the floor face up; she shivered recognizing Ben's writing and realised why the name of the hotel had twitched in her memory, he'd stayed there and steeled herself to read the other letter first.

It was from the hotel manager explaining that on 28 September 1999 there had been a fire in the two adjoining guestrooms causing extensive damaged, luckily no one had been hurt. It was not till several days later that they moved the bedside table and found the enclosed sealed addressed envelope undamaged behind it. As it was addressed he was sending it on immediately hoping that no inconvenience or embarrassment had been caused.

She put it to one side and then bent down and picked the sealed envelope up surprised to find her fingers trembling as she did so. Her mind was buzzing with the questions … why had he written two letters? … the first one was bad enough... could this one be worse?

She hesitated before opening it wondering whether to just put it back and send it all onto Ben unread.

Pondering she ran her fingers round the edge of the envelope. Then flicked it with one hand against the other … Should she … Shouldn't she…. did she want to? … Could she live without knowing?

Curiosity got the better of her with the reasoning - **He** had written it to her … it was addressed to her …So she should read it. It was most probably his first attempt of the letter she had got, sealed thought about it and then chucked it in the bin but missed. Didn't realised he'd missed it as he concentrated on the other one … the one he'd sent.

Couldn't her hurt now could it … they both knew where they stood … **He** was with Maria and **she** was enjoying herself and new found freedom.

She opened it and unfolded the pages shivering violently as she read the opening lines and then as she read on she heard his gentle voice reading it.

_1 September 1999_

_Dear Meg (Soulmate, keeper of my heart and life)_

_I've just put the phone down after calling Sara and getting you. It was good to hear your voice again but I feel the barrier - of things not said or understood getting higher, thicker and I don't want that. _

_On the plane here I felt my heartbreaking the further I moved away and when I landed an uneasy feeling I could not and still don't understand, perhaps it's just my heart telling me to come home soon as possible._

_You know what it's like sometimes so do me a favour take the phone off the hook and find and somewhere quiet so no one can find you. _

_I need your full attention so you can decide our future. _

_There are so many things I want to say to make you understand how much you mean to me. Perhaps just the opening will make you see that if I should lose you completely I will die. But as long as you are truly happy I will survive. Whatever you decide it must be because you truly want it. The choice is freedom away from me or be with me it sounds so simple but I know it's not and it must be your choice not what you think I or others think is good for you. _

_You once asked me if I could love you with my whole heart the answer then as now is no. I never had the chance to explain so I will now. I hold everyone I have ever cared for in my heart so you are there and always will be at its centre. You are also somewhere else in my soul, my very being, which is why I call you my Soulmate. _

_I wanted to make you understand perhaps you do and are frightened by it or know it is too intense for you, I can understand that. I know you have strong feelings for Casey. I saw you both in our favourite thinking place, perhaps... _(the next few words were crossed out and could not be read, then the letter continued.)

_When I spoke to you last night, you said you are not with Casey so perhaps there is some hope. Although I know you wished you never heard my name and agree with your father that it would have been better if you had never known me. I have never regretted knowing or loving you and will never do so whatever happens. _

_I am sorry for all the hurt I have caused you and if you believe the only way for you to find happiness is with someone else then I will try and live without you beside me. Deep within me I know we will be together in the end. _

_There is one thing I ask if your answer is no … don't make me leave Sunset Beach. I think of it as my home now and everyone in it as friends and family. Yes even Ricardo and your father. I will never come between you and your family. I had to walk away from everything I held dear never to return not even to say goodbye at the end. Although I know Derek is dead I shall never go home, those memories are best left alone. I would not put you or your family through such pain so I will make sure our paths don't cross too much if we should part._

_I don't know how to put this on paper but I will try._

_There is no excuse for my actions - I hurt you so much that morning when you walked in on Maria and myself at The Deep. I should never have allowed myself to do that to you or Maria, later when I explained she said she understood but I still class it as rape. I was hurting so much... I felt as though all the doors were closing and I was sinking into a place much darker than I've been before and no-one would be able open them because you had gone from me... I cannot continue I need to see you to explain what happened then perhaps you might possibly forgive me, perhaps not. But at least you and I will know we both understand why._

_I have never blamed you for Benjy's kidnapping, everyone's attention was on Tess's rescue, if I had been there I would have been watching Tess also and Benjy would still have been taken. I was shocked by it and so many things were happening I could not give you the attention I needed too. The kiss I gave you and the touch connection that we shared was enough to give me the strength I needed to face the kidnapper and I hoped give you the strength and understanding to wait. I was wrong because from then on I could not convince you of my trust and felt you slipping away from me. _

_Every time I tried to reach out to you something always pulled you away. Sometimes I know it was my fault but I could not walk away from my responsibilities to Maria and Benjy. I wanted you to be with me while I helped them and for always after - when it would be us together with our dreams. I know Benjy will come round to love you in time. _

_Others may think I am strong but I know it is you who gives me that strength and always will._

_I know Maria is nearly strong enough to cope with the end of our marriage and love. She has started to accept my love for you, she even told me to find you, when she knew she could not help me. She told me she wanted to stand by me as my friend while I tried to cope with loosing you. _

_I need to leave her with friendship and understanding and that is what I have been working towards, she deserves that. _

_Maria and I have both been feeling that Tess is not helping the situation and although it will hurt Benjy more I will ask her to leave now not Christmas as planned regardless of what I find here in Seattle. I will if necessary find her a flat in town so she and Benjy can see each other occasionally no doubt school will help with the break._

_I know the hardest part will be not having Benjy around all the time. I have come to love him so deeply but I realize that in some ways my need for him to be there all the time is because of the time I missed with him in the early years. I can never get that back how ever much I try and it will probably harm him if I hold on to him. I know how much Maria loves him so I must learn to let him stay with her for always even when she finds someone new. _

_I will move out as soon as possible, the house has always been Maria's and to move Benjy again would be unfair he has had enough moves in his young life. I know this will unsettle him, but he will see my happiness with you if you will have me and come to terms with it all, then he will love you I am sure of that. If you do decide you need space I will set up on my own most probably at the hotel or Lib. Corp Suite._

_Perhaps I should have done this trip sooner, but I knew that Ricardo and Charles checked the documents and found them correct. It was the fact I knew I could leave Maria, her fears about Tess's behaviour along with Sara's ideas about Tess as well as my own that made me want to check things out on the ground. Any information I get I will pass on to the doctors and Maria's family then perhaps we can sort it all out together._

_So I will leave you but not in my dreams. Sorry... I do really mean I want your answer not what you think anyone else thinks... your feelings alone. So take your time._

_Just a quiet 'yes please I love you' or 'no thank you' or even 'I need space and time will do.' _

_I promise I will stand by your answer with no fuss. _

_As I said when we were in the Mission you are the one who helped me express my love not hide it away and I thank you for that what ever you decide. But it is you who needs to feel it is right not me._

_Watch the sunsets for me, and keep safe, most of all be happy._

_Yours completely_

_Ben. _

She felt stunned by the letter and the feelings it had woken in her.

Wiping away the tears she felt running down her cheeks her mind slowly started to go through the letter again … picking out bits … realizing it was so like him to think about everyone else … and he'd wanted her to decide whether they had a future.

She was drawn back the piece he had scrawled out and tried to read it again guessing what was missing. The words she could read seemed to stand out from the page and gradually meanings came together as he mind flashed back to South Pier, … remembering it was his thinking place as well as hers and saw herself there with Casey in the rain and heard herself saying the words and kissing Casey and exclaimed out loud as it hit her. "Oh God he was there! … Oh no …why did not he show himself "

Softly slowly she answered her own question. "Why should he … I had just shattered his heart."

The words regarding The Deep and Maria stood out in her mind and she realised how desperate he felt as she flashed back seeing Tim on the sofa with her chief bridesmaid just before her wedding ... she had fled ... towards her dream SB.

He had fled … to The Deep … and she imagined him … wet and cold from the storm … but not caring … going over what he had heard and seen … sinking down into his dark place … … drinking to soften the pain … knowing she would not be around to help him as she had when he'd thought Annie had died.

Her mind ran on Maria had been there though sometime, had she not understood his pain and he'd somehow answered his pain by answering her need and that was why he'd said it was rape not love.

He must have worked things out Maria … was that why the marriage was working … she'd given Ben a second chance. …While she Meg hadn't even given him a chance to explain that morning. ….

But what of the Casita and Maria that was love surely … she stopped that line of thought and remembered later that morning at Surf Central when Sara had come back and found herself and Casey sitting on the sofa laughing and got the wrong idea. Amazed she had not thought of it before she wondered out loud. "How did you get your things back home that night Sara?" and realized no one knew and now she needed to know but how could she without hurting her sister or Casey.

Thoughts tumbling through her mind she lay the letter on the bed beside her and looking at it asked the questions she knew she could not ask the writer. "Why did you write two letters? What changed your mind and why was the other one so cold sweetheart?"

No answers came but the needed to find the differences was there. She rummaged in her case and found the letter she had received from Ben. She could never understand why she'd packed it or the blanket she from the Casita come to that … they'd been there when she'd unpacked so she knew she must have.

She laid the two letters out side by side and compared them.

The writing was the same, she knew he had written them both and yet they were so different… one he wanted her … the other he'd rejected her … nicely but rejected her just the same.

Had he written them hours a part … realising in that time it was over between them … or had writing the letter done that for him and that was why the other one was sealed and in the bin.

The truth … that was hard … she had pushed him away at times … she could not blame it all on Tim's betrayal … no she'd found it difficult to trust her love for Ben. He'd called her his soulmate and that he loved her deeply … that was a difficult thing to live… love up too. She was young and finding her feet in life so had turned back to the love she'd trusted that of her parents and home and then crept out again to his love when she felt safe...

Her mind jumped and the words underlined about the kidnapping and she remembered his blank look as she'd tried to explain everything while feeling guilty and shocked. She believed he blamed her for the whole thing. … Was that when she had started to pushing him into Maria's arms? Her mind flashed to The Deep on that dreadfully morning when Ben was with Maria and the fact she did not give him a chance to explain his actions as he chased after her … she'd been too hurt seeing them together … surely he must have understood that!

She remembered coming across him that evening under South Pier, it was obvious to her he had been miles away thinking; again she did not give him a chance to explain his words. What were they … 'that he had could not go on' … surely that would have meant with their relationship nothing else. She had not listened to him she'd just told him they had done all the talking and walked away … only to have questions buzzing round her head after he had left for Seattle. … … Perhaps she should have talked to someone … even found out why he had come in person and not used the phone to say he was going.

But he had written that letter and their relationship had ended her feelings had to be put away again for both their sakes….

A knock on the door brought her back to the present. She wiped her face and ran her fingers through her long black hair and opened the door to find Robert looking worried.

"Meg you were not at the car... What's wrong?" He gently opened the door further and came in slowly so as not to frighten her but also to tell her – there was no way she was going to push him away on this.

She stepped aside and let him in.

He saw the pile of clothes and letters on the bed and without a word he went into the lounge area of the suite, got two miniature bottles of drink out of the fridge and poured them into a couple of glasses.

Then he guided her to a chair and giving her one of the drinks said gently. "Drink it and compose yourself. If you don't want to explain that's fine by me. You need some extra case space by the looks of things though."

Meg sipped the brandy, letting it slide slowly down her throat waiting for the kick it would give her and nodded yes.

Robert smiled and walked to the phone dialled and ordered two cases to be brought round immediately.

Meg had another sip and started to close 'those' feelings away, she didn't feel up to explaining everything. But with Robert she wouldn't have to, she'd chatted about her life not long after they'd first met. He had told her about his family and after that no one had asked awkward questions, if she'd said no to something it had been taken as that. That was what she'd liked about working for him and the group there'd been no nagging or watchfulness like her father had and so she'd felt free till now. Now there were hundreds of questions that could never be answered without stirring things up.

But on the other hand she wanted to explain a bit and said. "I found a letter from Ben which has sent my head spinning."

With a touch of genuine concern Robert said. "Oh dear. … Do you want to postpone our interview?"

Meg immediately picked up on his words and asked curiously. "What interview, you were going to seal a deal this morning."

Robert smiled glad he might be able to draw her away from her pain and explained. "Did not mention it in case you felt like a parcel being wrapped up and passed on the next person, it will depend on what Matthew thinks of you and it has nothing to do with the deal I have with him."

He saw that her interest was waking up and carried on. "He is looking for a temporary PA but is also opening a new office in a town this side of the Rocky Mountains, so you will be separated from Sunset Beach but closer. It's about the same size as Sunset Beach, no sea of course, but you have mountains and you can take trips into Canada fairly easily when you want to and of course it does get snow in winter. I thought you might like the smaller town rather than the rat race of the city. But if you want to go back and sort this letter out that will be fine."

Meg smiled and shook her head; as she'd listened her mind had settled she knew what she wanted to do. "No I don't want to dredge things up from the past, Ben is happy with the way things are and there's the children to consider. I'm fine with it as well … … just need the dust to settle once I've found something out from Sara, and I can do that by email. Face to face would bring tempers to the surface and I don't want that. I must admit I like the distance between us at the moment and the job and place sounds good where will I stay?"

Glad her voice was steady and she was thinking clearly Robert reassured her. "We will sort that out with Matthew. Just remember you have along time ahead of you to enjoy. I know you had something special with Ben, sometimes that is all there is and you move on and sometimes today is not the right time, perhaps it will come in the future as it did with me and Susan. I don't regret the years we had apart and I have two lovely children who may not my own but I love just as much. You must go your own way think for yourself and feel that it's right for..."

There was a knock at the door and Robert answered it returning with the cases and suggested. "I can pack your clothes if you want to deal with anything else."

"Thanks I'll leave my questions till later I need to think this through." She smiled then looked at the heap on the bed and sighed. "Right then!"

Robert couldn't help smiling it looked as she was ready to do battle with a fierce giant and decided they needed a plan and said. "You sort them out and I'll fold and put them in."

Meg nodded.

oxoxo

They worked well as a team and when they were nearly finished Robert said quietly. "Been thinking ..."

Meg laughed.

He looked at her with a slightly hurt expression and said softly. "Hey not that bad you know."

She gave a dramatic sigh exclaiming "Okay fire away."

He said seriously. "AJ has invited my family to his wedding and I know you were thinking of going, if you still want to keep distance between you and your father you can fly to Seattle the day before. We will put you up and fly you in and if you don't want to stay over you can hitch a lift back if you do you can walk." He teased.

"Oh, so kind a seat on the wing I suppose." She huffed eyeing him as she handed him the last dress to go in the last case. He chuckled and closed the case as she continued. "I like it, thank you."

"Good! … Now check under the bed and then we will go."

"I thought the idea was to lose a Dad." She sighed as she dutifully looked under the bed, then reached under and got something out and huffed. "Okay … Okay …" as she shoved the offending article into the case, which Robert had opened keeping his face expressionless.

She could not stop a grin as she picked up her bag.

Robert silently shook his head and headed for the door.

Meg stood wondering how she was going to manage three cases and her laptop along the corridor to the lift.

Robert opened the door and let the bellboy in and said with a grin. "They get paid for it Meg what's more they have a trolley."


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

As she sat in the car with Robert she quietly went through things in her mind, the tall buildings seemed threatening, the noise of the traffic louder than before and admitted she liked the idea of somewhere quieter but not too quiet. She looked at map Robert had handed to her and was intrigued it was different from the farm and Sunset Beach; there was a small airport and train services as well as a road serving the rest of the valley and she would be on the edge of the mountains that separated her from her family.

As she thought about she remembered Bette's wedding and wondered if she should face Ben with the letter. Not at the reception of course ... perhaps in a quiet time afterwards at The Deep. … No she knew where she stood … their choices had been made and she could live with that, he obviously could. She would warn Simon she might need her room for the night sort of test the water with her father and use Robert as back up if needs be. If things went okay she would tell them were she was and they could visit, she could visit … it wasn't really too difficult a flight across the mountains.

oxoxo

She followed Robert up to Matthew's office quietly wondering why the bosses always had the top floor, as if reading her mind Robert said. "Gives you time to think of a good question to catch them out and them to find all the answers in anticipation."

She laughed "Or your boss to read your mind as you ride in the lift with him."

"That too." He said with a grin.

The Receptionist smiled as they arrived and said. "Sorry you will have to wait Ben Evans is with Matthew at the moment."

Meg felt as though her legs were going to give way underneath her and must have given a gasp as Robert swung round putting his hand on her arm to steady her and saying quickly and quietly. "Meg! Ben is a her not a him. She's never liked her full name so she shortened it to Ben. Her husband is American not English."

As he finished and Meg had managed to grasp the fact it was not her Ben, the office door opened and a stunningly beautiful Jamaican lady walked out calling back at the person in the office. "Robert's here with another beauty. No biting now Matthew!" and laughed coming across to them.

Robert stepped into her hug of a greeting as she carried on. "He's in a good mood so keep him that way."

He returned her quick kiss on the cheek then broke the hug and turned towards Meg and introduced her. They shook hands and smiled then Ben left promising to be in touch.

Feeling better and a bit cross at her reaction Meg followed Robert into the office, which was nicely laid out and not too over the top. They were introduced and sat down then the men started to talk business.

Meg listened and realised from their reactions that although they were friends they had never actually met face to face before. Their warmth and friendliness drew her into the conversation and she liked what she learnt about the business and the office he was going to open with two other members of staff. One was living in the town already the other would travel with her to run the office and join his fiancée who already lived and worked in the town.

She liked Matthew; he was well-built, ginger hair while plain to look when he smiled it lit up his face and you knew you had his trust. He offered her the office apartment for the time she would be here and agreed she could fly home for a long weekend for Bette's wedding. She took the keys and signed the necessary papers feeling she would like this new adventure.

After they'd finished their business Robert took her on to the apartment, helped her with the cases and reminded her about his offer for the wedding as well as any other time she wanted to travel his way. And yes he really meant it anytime any reason, so with promises to keep in touch by phone or email they hugged and said goodbye.

oxoxo

For a moment as she looked around her new home, which was huge, three bedrooms, large lounge dinning area, kitchen and bathroom. She fleetingly felt alone and wondered if she was destined to live in large apartments or hotel rooms. Then she came back to the view and realised this was different from the hotel as she was only three floors up so looked into other apartments. Except where the apartments opposite ended then she could look up the road into the distance and see the traffic and people. So she wasn't really alone, she turned her attention back into the room eyed the cases and then spotted a note on the table. She picked it up and read - it listed the take-away numbers with recommendations besides them. Where she could get food from and that what was in the cupboard and fridge was fresh. Also clean linen was on the bed and in the cupboard and the cleaner came Friday mornings and had her key.

She did not have to go back to the office till later that afternoon so she did battle and sorted things out and hid the cases vowing she would not need more for the next move. Next she made herself a drink, and started to draw up a list of things she would need. Well she tried to but her mind kept going back to the letters from Ben with the question. Why the two letters? She shook her head … she knew Robert was right she had to say a final goodbye to Ben and enjoy herself and live the life she wanted to, which she was doing now wasn't she.

She finished her coffee and smiled she was okay with it … but she'd got that niggle back …she would find out how Sara got back from Surf Central that night … surely there was only answer that was a phone call to their Dad and he'd helped her with her things and kept quiet about it. She'd have to be careful regarding Casey … there weren't any old wounds really they both knew it was just one of those things and they were friends.

She connected her computer and realized she had mail.

**Hi Sis**

**Sort of on my knees to you. **

**(Grounds hard … can not type properly so getting up.) … that's better.**

**Right.**

**Goods arrived fine and are selling well. Recipe for Mum has been put to good use in Shockwave … can really say they are selling like hot cakes!! **

**(hehe I know were you are!! … It's okay Mum hid the recipe before Dad saw it.) Had time to visit the other cities?**

**Okay on with the grovelling. (Could bribe you or is that threaten you umm not wise) grovel then.**

**Seen Simon and George today they are going to buy a small house (just on market), which is nearer to their business. (Small as in two bedrooms, etc)**

**So your apartment will need tenants. … Drum roll … You know the careful type who will not cause damage. Delete that bit … no rephrase that … who will not cause big damage. **

**Okay so you know what I am going to say so here is a big please can Casey and I move in. please. I've been counting the stairs I would have to climb, … pant pant … (you have downstairs shower etc that's better than up those stairs!!) and I know I cannot promise the kids will not wreck the place when they get older but by then you might be back before then and we would have to find something and that will be fine. (I also know you will not throw us out!! … okay a gentle push with time.) **

**But I can promise we would keep a cupboard free for you to sleep in … only kidding honest … will keep a bed free as well! You can even make sure the kids don't break anything. (giggles silently as Casey and I creep out the door.) Honest would not do that! (Would ask first – babysitting)**

**There is a children's crèche being run by one of the tenants which means I can still work at Sunset Sisters. Please Sis! I love you honest...Pay the same rent as the others of course!!!!!!!!!!**

**Otherwise life is the same. Dad's been giving more children's parties at Shock Wave since Benjy has insisted on having his friends there, good thing is these kids are older so not so much mess just noise. Anyway it's good for trade and keeps Dad Happy!! **

**Talking about Dad he is improved and looking forward to seeing you at Bette's wedding so are the rest of us. **

**Oh silly me nearly forgot … how can I forget! … All right so I thought I ought to grovel first. … Casey had been made manager of Life Guards means he is in the office more... much to his disgust but more money. I can tell you where that is going as well … nope perhaps not ... know you too well … no comments please. **

**Hugs and kisses **

**Sara**

Meg smiled and saw her opening and she knew the kids would love the swings etc. if she decided to not go home. She found it strange that thought should be stronger now and hit the reply key.

**Hi Sara**

**I got the funny feeling you wanted something from me. Oh yes I remember now**

**Okay … Okay you can stop grovelling sister dear!!! **

**If and when Simon and George get the house you can have the apartment. (Rephrase that rent the apartment. … Now what wicked thing can I think of to get you to do? (Chuckles evilly).**

**I've decided I'm enjoying my freedom and I was right Robert had something up his sleeve so I'm changing jobs and bosses … first a temp PA for a while and if all goes well will be moving out of the city to a smaller town and the permanent job. The view from my new apartment is other apartments with a bit of street scene; it's not street level so thank goodness for lifts … must remember to pull curtains when it gets dark. Certainly different from the tops of buildings of the old suite and of course it's self service now not fabulous food on tap.**

**Bit of detail not much as I don't know much … but the business is huge, similar idea to Robert's but is run by family … am working as temp for the main boss and will meet the other one soon and hen we will move on to new offices in a smaller town. There will be three of us and before you start matchmaking the other is female and the male is spoken for. Anyway I have decided no men for a couple of months at least and yes I kept my hands off the older bellboy even though he was really dishy, anyway there was a no sleeping around rule at the conference, and it worked well. **

**Will come home to Bette's wedding, Robert has offered me a lift in and out of Seattle so I may only stay for the day see how things go. I'll bring everything I need and probably stay at my apartment to change etc … I trust my room will NOT be affected by all this moving around. (I don't suppose you will be in by then or Simon out)**

**Silly me about information on recipe sheet … thanks for not giving it to Dad, glad they worked out well and yes I know they taste great, special treats for weekends!! We had a visit to the big city southwards and enjoyed it otherwise time flew.**

**Going over old memories suddenly realized you must have had a magic carpet to have moved everything out of Surf Central that night of the argument with Casey. SO I was wondering if I could borrow it when I have to move on again, as I will not have Robert to help. But come to think of it you will need when you move so perhaps not. **

**Oh yes don't bother saving a cupboard for me just a new apartment for my stuff would be great. (Never used to spend so much on clothes and things before!) **

**Another thought …. what about furniture etc, you are welcome to use mine and store or sell yours or store mine. Entirely up to you and Casey … oh yes, wear and tear is fine I will not charge.**

**Simon has all the legal documents regarding rent etc. for the apartment see him and he will deal with it, check you can afford it won't you. **

**Glad to hear about Casey's new job sorry about paper work though, (wasn't that why he gave up his course, thought he was drowning in the stuff.) Well at least you will know he is safe. **

**Can guess where the extra money is going so will not say more. **

**Hope Dad is fully fit and everyone else as well. **

**Hugs Meg.**

As she pressed the send key she fleetingly wondered how wise she was doing it and was glad she would be kept busy in the office for the rest of the afternoon.

oxoxo

She returned to her apartment content, exhausted and laden down with bags of food collected on the way from the office. Her afternoon had been busy learning where things were and who everyone was as well as plans for the next day. She eyed the laptop on the side table and thought about the email she'd sent her sister and decided frozen and fresh stuff had priority. Flicking the radio on to a music channel she sorted everything out grabbing a cup of coffee on the way and then opened the laptop to see if she had mail.

Nothing except junk mail and for a moment felt lonely and wondered if she should ring as soon as she had the thought she decided No, if Sara had found out about her kissing Casey, which was unlikely he didn't have to tell her … she'd need time to cool down it would not break the marriage up just be a typical Sara blow up then slow coming down. It wouldn't wreck the marriage … they had children on the way … just a hiccup perhaps.

As she ran her fingers through her hair and started to try and concentrate on what to do next when the doorbell rang. To her surprise she found one of the other PA' s from the office with an invitation to a welcoming meal at her apartment.

She readily accepted not wanting a meal on her own with her churning thoughts. She met six others and they enjoyed the meal and evening swapping phone numbers and stories and dates for later and a promise of a car ride in the morning rather than the long walk.

It was late when she turned the key to her apartment and was glad she'd left a low light on as a welcome home. She put her bag on the table and eyed the laptop; she knew she'd have to check before she got ready for bed. She found she had mail and opened it and gulped.

**I SHOULD HIT YOU ONE!!!!!  
**

**YOU KISSED HIM!!!!!!  
**

**Its okay honest … he's still alive, … place is in one-piece … okay I screamed at him once.**

**He has explained all; brave boy and I love him … even more.**

**BUT****there is a puzzle, which we will not be asking Ben about it. **

**We've decided to let sleeping dogs lie … one dog named Ben … and you should too. **

**You both have chosen your own lives now. **

**So to that night:**

**My magic carpet was in fact Ben, though how he managed to get back from the Casita and drop Maria off somewhere in that short time I don't know. Surely Ben could not have just casually said he was going to see you not after their day of passion, you know how clingy Maria can be. (That is not a meow either … she is clingy.) **

**Casey also pointed out Maria would not really have wanted to go there anyway as it was your place, but I suppose Ben can be very persuasive when he wants to be or perhaps she didn't know it was yours and his. **

**You know the strange thing is thinking about it I realise he (Ben) was looking sort of dazed, end of tether type thing, (not aren't I a clever boy or cat got the cream) but that could be just my hazy mind and it was hazy that night, believe me. **

**Let me fill you in - Early evening Casey had gone for Pizza, overheard my arguing with Tim and all those sordid details, came in and chucked Tim out after confronting him and found out the truth. Then we had a set too, I know I betrayed you in what I did with Tim and I'm sorry, Casey walked out telling me to pack and leave. My heartbroken, pity, anger, confusion came through the cracks. Shortly after there was a knock on the door and I thought Casey had changed his mind, he had not it was Ben.**

**Ben saw me in all my glory you know tears, broken heart, the lot. He did his trick of forgetting what he came for and listened to my woes, he had every right to laugh after all I had brought it all on myself but he didn't. He was too caring for that … instead he told me not to give up hope if I really loved Casey, to find trust and build on it and we would be together though it might take some time. **

**Strange … I wonder if he was talking about your love, wanted to tell you that but told me instead. … Anyway he's with Maria now and adores Sammy and Benjy as well.**

**Back to that night, he helped me pack then drove me to Mum and Dad's and put the things round the side, as I could not face them, he stayed with me again and chatted. When he was sure I would be all right he told me he was going to check to see if you were at Surf Central and I reminded him you liked to go the South Pier, well he knows that because he goes there as well. Just after he left the heavens opened … it really made my evening sitting in the gazebo getting soaked in July. Then Mum found me and we talked and guess what... Yes she gave me a cup of cocoa, in the kitchen. Dad took the boxes in the house for me, no nagging either.**

**Of course we never talked about what happened that night because of what happened next, perhaps we should have and things might have been different or easier. Anyway, I built on my love and trust and got Casey and twins in future. **

**As I said Casey told me everything I love you! Sorry I was beastly to you, I understand a lot of things now. I know you are over the worst now and you will find happiness and love. Nothing is going to split us up so remember that sis the three of us together.**

**To gossip - Saw Ben and family the other day they looked good, baby's growing fast, anyone can see Benjy loves his new sister; he is really coming out of himself now. Cheeky is one word for it and to see him and Ben together is a picture. **

**I know you said Robert will bring you but if you let us know the time Casey will pick you up or any cases. Mind you I should warn you that Dad is going nuts without you at the moment … to be honest I don't know how you stood it. Even Mum's given him an ultimatum shut up or the shed … let hopes that works.**

**As for the happy couple they are looking good, Bette's been given herself interviews for her column, which has been fun. **

**Thanks about the apartment I knew you would say yes so told Simon and he is dealing with it. He and Casey will be bashing heads about it later. (oh ouch!) **

**We think Surf Central might go better if sold complete so your offer of furniture would help. If you move back we will most probably rent furnished. **

**See you soon. **

**Sara**

Meg sat staring at the screen feeling a huge deeper love for her sister … she knew about the kiss and understood … forgiven her and him.

She took a breath and her mind went back over 'that' evening; she knew the length of journey to the Casita. They must have been in front of her for Ben to visit Sara; if they had been behind her surely she would have seen the car in the lay-by. Maria must have been dropped off at home, then why did she go to The Deep, was that because Ben had not returned as promised and she had found him in a state and that was the beginning of his second chance. Then why was he in a daze when he saw Sara … surely he just wanted to see her to say that things were over between them that he had found Maria's love better. … But in the letter said he loved her, … no, that was the discarded letter the other said he loved her but their love was too destructive… was that true. Had Maria's pregnancy proved that point to him and when he spoke to her in the shop before she left that devil came back to bite him.

With thoughts churning though her mind she ran her fingers though her hair as she walked over to the bed and curled up on it, unthinking tucking the blanket which was from the Casita around her, and rested her head on the pillow.

While wondering if she could really face him at Bette's wedding without asking him for the truth … but then again she knew the truth he had Maria, Benjy and Sammy who he loved and she was happy about it after all she had left him before that evening … she dropped off to sleep.

oxoxo

Meg woke with a start, the alarm clock ringing, the dream she had, had was so vivid in her mind she could pick through it. As she did she realised it was a repeat of something that had happened just before Vanessa and Michael's wedding which took place a couple of days after Christmas but this time she was watching it happen.

She could see herself tucked up in the Casita blanket asleep on the sofa in her apartment; her bridesmaid's dress was hanging in its cover on the stand by the wall. Instead of feeling Ben's presence as she had that night, she saw him standing over her, gently kissing her cheek then lightly stroking her cheek with his finger as he told her he could not stay and give her his love as he wanted to. Before Simon had come down the stairs and woken her, this time she saw Ben look up at Simon and then back at her and smile before vanishing.

She shivered remembering her fears as she awoke that Ben was in trouble, so Simon had rung The Deep and without troubling him found Ben was all right. At the wedding Ben kept his distance and greeted her with only a nod as he'd promised in the letter and who could blame him. She had found it difficult as her memories of their wedding intermingled with Michael and Vanessa's along with the tension of half expecting things to go wrong. Nothing happened it was a fairytale wedding and reception.

As she found fresh clothes she wondered if the dream returned because she was finally leaving her past behind her, sort of confirmation it was all right. He was happy and so could she be.

She showered and felt better this was going to be her new future and she was going to be in control from now on.

Her thoughts of the morning crept to the back of her mind as she chatted with the other PA's as they drove to work then as the day wore on enjoyed the challenges it presented. Her evenings were taken up meeting new friends at clubs, films or meals. Days passed and her confidence grew and she looked forward to the wedding knowing she had made the right decision she was her own boss and happy with it.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9 **

Fuming silently 'SHE SHOULD NEVER HAVE GONE!!' she dropped the keys to the apartment onto the table 'HOW DARE HE!' she continued even angrier feeling if she actually voiced her anger the apartments would come crumbling down around her.

She dropped her cases on the floor; the miles and hours between them hadn't not stopped her anger only decreased it till now. This time when it flared she whispered the angry truth. 'HE HAD DECEIVED HER AGAIN!!'

As her mind buzzed back over her short fateful visit home, which would be her last, she went around the apartment putting on lights and occasionally venting her anger on a cushion that happened to be near. As though that whisper had proved to her the apartment would not collapse she huffed out her memories and feelings. 'He'd been there at the airport with Sara and Casey to meet her and promised he'd changed …OH YES! ALL OF HALF A DAY … then bang in the middle of the wedding reception he let rip. …

HELL! … He had been talking to them earlier … HOW DARE, HE ASSUME HE COULD DO AND SHE COULD NOT!! …

It was not as if she was doing anything wrong … just talking to Maria, looking at the baby, laughing with Benjy and then said "Hi" to Ben as he joined them … and POW …

A FAMILY GROUP FOR HEAVENSAKE WHAT THEY ALL RESPECTED!! loads of people around it was a wedding reception. Bette and AJ nearby ready for a gossip but … OH NO! Dear old Super Dad waded in trying to drag her away as though she was a little kid.….

She pulled against him asked him to stop ... quietly … What did he do … accuse her of eyeing Ben as he escorted Bette into the ceremony.

HELL! IF SHE WAS THEN ALL THE WOMEN WERE EYEING BEN … he and Bette made a fantastic couple, …

OH, COME ON! everyone knows Ben makes a woman's heart stop when he was dressed up in a suit like then. Add the pride that radiated from them both and stunning was not the word and HER FATHER had accused her of….

She ran her fingers through her hair, her face feeling hot with embarrassment even now as her mind carried on … OH YES she'd yelled at her father as she broke from his grasp and started to run from the room but found Bette in her way, she stopped for a moment as she found herself in a quick hug and a gentle "It's all right Meg" then she was released and she ran.

It was not all right … she could not look back at the melee she could hear behind her, all she could do was to run from the nightmare from the beautiful old American Spanish mansion and from their happiness.

She'd slowed to a stop on the gravel path as she heard Robert call her name then felt his hand on her shoulder. Through her heavy breathing, her anger and embarrassment she heard his gentle words and felt him guide her to his car.

He drove to her apartment where she packed her things and left. He listened to her as she let rip, she was too angry for tears, and stayed with her all the way back to Seattle on his plane. Then he'd sent it with her on board back to Boston knowing his staff would look after her, understanding her need to escape.

And they had with kid-gloves and respect; she gave an involuntary smile … guessed she knew what a ticking bomb felt like. Their last act of kindness was driving her back to here to her apartment so they knew she was safe and a few words of support. They knew she had calmed down enough to be left in safety if not quite yet defused … that would take time and privacy she had that now.'

Surfacing from her memory she found she had pulled the curtains closed and sighed out loud. "Why, oh why did I go? … Come to that why did they have the reception in Sunset Beach where something always goes wrong."

She huffed knew that was unfair and went into the kitchen and made some coffee it was late but she was too wired to sleep. She knew her flatmate was out on the town … it would give her time and space to think. She smiled at one good thing, she'd not got round to telling them about her plans just about the conference she'd worked at. Her father had left them at the airport having collected the parcel he'd come for. So the morning had been taken up with Sara and Casey and herself doing the rounds of the apartment, Sunset Sisters discussing ideas and then news as they met up with the gang. Finally before changing for the wedding there had been a quick family lunch where her father had seemed interested rather than condemning her actions.'

At the thought of her father she rippled with anger again, but it was gentler not the full force she'd felt earlier though there was no forgiveness. She pondered again that question. 'How could he deceive her saying he was pleased for her then smash it again? She needed to tell him what she felt so he would understand what she was doing and why … not by phone he would never listen and she was not sure she could get her words out … without anger.

She eyed the computer on the table; put her cup beside the machine set it up ready to send an email to say she was safe, and decided that Sara could print out her letter to him, and then at least he could not say it got lost in the post if he read and didn't like it.

She saw she had one from Sara but knew this had to be done now … her thoughts to her Dad. She opened a new message made herself comfortable and started a postscript to Sara.

**Hi Sis**

**Writing this before I read your mail. I'm back in Boston, in one piece; will write later give Mum a hug. This is for Dad but you and Casey can read so you all know where I am coming from and he cannot twist it. **

**(Take out Boston when you print this out for Dad)**

**Meg**

**Dad**

**This is an open letter to you, which I hope you will show to Mum. Sara and Casey will read it as it's from their machine. I need everyone to know how I feel and you to understand it properly. **

**What you did at the reception was unforgivable; you insulted AJ and Bette on their wedding day as well as Ben and his family. **

**You insulted me as well but most of all you shattered the corner stone of our family DAD! **

**LOVE, TRUST AND RESPECT … DAD those are the things you told us were valuable in life and I have always based my life on them, gone by your words when I have been unsure, seen them hold the family together in rocky times. **

**Today that was shattered to tiny pieces. **

**We've all seen the young child yell in anger 'I hate you' at a parent or friend and in that moment she or he means it and we know that in a while he or she will go back to that person with love when everything calms down.**

**Well Dad, I feel like that child yelling at you with all my might but I am an adult and know how much it hurts and what has been lost. Yes deep deep down I know I will love you but for now I do not and the time to find that love may take forever. **

**I also know I cannot trust the words 'I'm sorry' coming from you, you have said them too often and broken them too quickly afterwards. They no longer heal but hurt even more. **

**You will always have my respect for what you did for me as a child and young adult as for recently that to has gone … shattered.**

**You never trusted or respected my love when I told you time after time that I was over Ben; I could cope on my own and you could trust me to be friends with his family. Yes we have history … don't we all … but we had a future as friends. **

**Now things have changed and I am walking away from your love and trust. **

**Don't try and find me through Sara because I will not tell her where I am. I will keep in contact because I know not to do so would hurt Mum, Sara and Casey … I know they will keep you up to date on how I am. I am moving on so don't try to get round Robert either. He has supported me today and I thank him for it. **

**I don't know how what happened today will affect things with Benjy … I hope Ben will be able to forgive you as I know Benjy loves you and Mum perhaps that is one way you can build a new trust through your love of a child … but only if you really mean your words, no breaking them as you have in the past.**

**I will come home for the birth of Sara's twins they are part of my family, perhaps by then you will have managed to come to terms with everything. **

**To be honest I'm not sure how we are going to built up the love, trust and respect that has been lost today since words and action mean so little. **

**Meg. **

She did not bother reading it through again just pressed send and reached for her cup of coffee. To her surprise it was cold so she got up and made herself a fresh cup returning to machine to open the mail Sara had sent.

She felt better now she had put her thoughts down knowing her father could not twist them. She knew Robert would have contacted Sara to tell her what had happened to her, he had proved himself a really good friend offering his help when his family would be left at the reception, even made sure she knew when they parted in Seattle that he would always answer her call when ever it came.

She smiled as she started to read the email, and then started to drink her coffee to make sure she had this one hot.

**Hi Sis**

**What can I say to make you feel better? Would hug you but my arms aren't long enough.**

**Dad was a fool and had no right to do what he did. Just pleased Casey managed to stop things from getting out of hand, … Life Guard skills … the bear hug round Dad was something to see. Don't know what he whispered in Dad's ear but it stopped him yelling. Ben had scooped his family up and out into the garden rather than make a scene. Not too many people really noticed it; it will not be mentioned in the paper either. **

**It was a beautiful mansion and those gardens, set everything off beautifully. (Glad AJ was paying)**

**I saw AJ and Bette after they both want you to know it did not spoil their day, to be honest I don't think anything would have. Milley caught the flowers so we are all trying to guess who she will marry, as there is no one in sight at the moment and yes AJ found the garter! … I'm glad you at least heard the speeches Ben's was good, never thought of Bette in that way … still giggling at his joke re AJ at least it was clean and not too embarrassing.**

**After Dad had left (Casey escorted him off premises) Ben came over to us, he nicely brushed off Mum's apology told her it was Dad's problem, he understood where Hank was coming from and hoped you would stay in touch not break things off completely. He still wanted to go with Benjy to the Shock Wave if that was all right if not we were to tell him and he would make sure it was just Benjy, Maria and Sammy. Wasn't she a good baby no crying only gurgling, she has her father's eyes, funny how the sunlight caught her hair it looks as though she has some of Maria's colour in it rather than all black of Ben's. I promised I would let him know you were all right and he accepted you would not be around for a while … sorry he did not get to say hi properly and sends his regards.**

**To say men dressed like 'that' can knock you out is an understatement; drop dead gorgeous does not come close either then add Bette and well what can you say! Usually when Bette dresses up she is stunning the phrase 'dressed to kill came to mind' but that could mean over the top and she was not. You could see she certainly 'killed' AJ (he looked great as well) as Ben handed her over to him in front of Antonio for the blessing etc. Hey even Casey broke a couple of female hearts glad he's mine, can't wait for the photo of him … will send some on to you through Robert when they come.**

**Thank goodness he was there to help you, private planes can be useful … hope you have arrived back in Boston in one piece, perhaps a little calmer … guess we will not be seeing you any time soon. He said he will pass anything on to you and you will use him, there aren't many like him around talk about luck! Talked to his family they are really nice even promised to visit the shop next time they come.**

**Just remember we love you and it was not … not!! Your fault, just the fault of our stubborn, stupid Father. **

**You looked fantastic and you never told me where you bought that dress or how much … guess I would have fainted at the price. No doubt everyone else told you, you looked great. At least the morning was good just remember that Bette finally got her man. Saw some of the gang and they send their love, messages will come later via email.**

**As for Dad well he is sleeping in the SHED!! **

**Yes really Mum kept to her threat. She's working for the week at Sunset Sister's while I'm having a rest. She is going to make him eat at Shock Wave and pay for it only letting him use the bathroom in the house. She did relent on one thing and let Casey put a mattress in the shed but other wise he is band till he treats you properly and us come to that. I have never seen Mum so quietly mad before! She never shouted just said it. **

**Casey escorted Dad out of the reception and told him to go home then came back to make sure Mum was all right and decided make sure Dad did go home. I stayed back with Mum and we enjoyed it, that was when we talked to Bette etc. Dad did not go home and Casey found out he was on his way to the airport don't know whether he was going to apologise or what. Anyway Casey tried to warn you but your phone was off so he rang Robert, when Dad arrived at the airport two very large security guards escorted him to a room till Casey arrived and could guarantee he would not return to the airport for twenty-four hours. Casey decided to leave Dad in the room for an hour then let him out and took him home to sort out the shed. Mobile phones have there uses. **

**Robert rang to say you were in good hands.**

**Talking to Mum she is going to book Dad an appointment with Dr Estrada so here's hoping she can sort him out. **

**Just had word Tess has had baby girl who is early so will have to stay in hospital for a while. Let you know how things are there later.**

**Glad to know the job is great and you now have a flatmate she sounds great. Nutcases together hey.**

**Didn't get round to checking about the rent fully … not complaining but it seems we will be paying for the amenities only is that right? … We don't want to cheat you out of anything. **

**Take care If you are reading this before 2pm Sunday our time could you ring Casey at the Lifeguard Centre then Mum will be there if not let me know a suitable time. She needs to hear your voice and sends her love. **

**Hugs Sara. **

Meg smiled as she finished and her stomach rumbled reminding her she had missed a meal looking round she remembered there were added hours to consider as well.

The key in the apartment door heralded the arrival of her flatmate, who looked at Meg in surprise then with a gentle exclamation. "Oh! I thought you would be later," she looked at her watch "today as in this afternoon. I've got enough food for two if you want to talk."

Meg briefly checked and realised there was no one with her friend. "Food sounds good; I trust the extra is not because of a let down."

Her flatmate laughed putting the food on the table. Meg had got up and got the plates from the kitchen and her flatmate admitted. "No just large portions and too many … not really sure what I wanted. You know close eyes and put a pin in the list a couple of times. So goodness knows what we've got. … How'd the wedding go …"

Meg laughed at her friend's questioning expression sat down and answered. "Wedding fine, reception umm Dad happened. Your story first I might be calm by then."

"Oh simple really … had date … good looking actually … all went well for most of the evening then … umm lost him in the crowd." She giggled and carried on to explain having them both in fits of laughter as they tried to eat.

oxoxo

Meg curled on the sofa her flatmate insisted on doing tea while she rested. Her day had been strange, catnapped rather than sleep as they had chatted on till sunrise. Her flatmate and friends had been around to help her though the day and her phone call back home had been better than she hoped. No tears rather quiet words and a promise she would return at the end of September if Sunset Sisters got in the top three for the best new business.

She had hesitated remembering her promise to herself not to go home, but as her mother and Sara had said without her there in the first place there would not have been a shop. So she had to be there … with that thought she went over to her laptop and checked the mail.

She looked at the list received and wondering whether to open it or not. It was from Sara the tag said simply '**letter from Dad**', she decided she would and opened it.

**Hi Sis**

**Attaching letter from Dad, we left him to it to write and I corrected it so you could read it. I know you don't trust his words but read and put it away for now if needs be. Glad to hear you sounding so good.**

**Love Sara, Casey and Mum**

She opened the attachment.

**Meg**

**Thank you for keep the door open, I hope I will not break that strand of love you have for me. **

**I have agreed to see Dr Estrada or Dr Brown and hope it will work.**

**I have seen Ben and written to Bette and AJ. **

**As you cannot trust my words let me say what I think at the moment.**

**I don't think it was really about you and Ben it was more about seeing you all grown up for the first time. I know what you are going to say I have seen you all grown up before but this time it was different. You have a different kind of confidence about you and you looked stunning. **

**Mind you, you did the first time I saw you … it was just after you were born, held you as the midwife cut the cord, dark hair, dark eyes, yelling at first but that was good you needed air but then you lay in my hands quietly watching me. It took my breath away as you did at the reception. **

**As a farmer I've seen animals being born and every time it is beautiful, but a baby is something more precious especially as you were ours, and I love Joan so deeply. **

**Perhaps because you were the first so took the first steps in everything I wanted to protect you more than Sara. At the reception I finally realised you were really an adult standing on her own two feet, strong enough not to need me any more and it scared me and I lashed out instead of taking pride in what you have achieved. **

**I hope that one day you will trust the words I write now - I am sorry I did not trust and respect your love.**

**Take care.**

**Dad**

**Sara has told me about the possibility of an award in September, if you win or come in the first three please come. If needs be I will stay away from the celebrations it is your project and you deserve the praise.**

Meg re read the letter wanting to trust him, understanding some of his hurt, she filed it away in the family file she needed time.

She opened a new mail and started

**Hi Sis**

**Read Dad's mail tell him thank you and I will think about September. Don't worry if there are any long gaps I'm fine, thank Ben for me and tell him I'm all right and will eventually sort things out with Dad.**

**Love you all**

**Meg.**

"It's ready Meg! …. Are you in on the meeting first thing in the morning?" Came the call from the kitchen.

Meg pressed the send key and closed it up and went help put the things on the table. "Yes so I will have to sort it out tonight … want to help?"

Her flatmate giggled "Yes for a fee. Can you bring the sauce, and drink in?" she carried the plates of food over to the table.

"Okay … Umm that's not agreeing to the fee you understand." Meg said as she got the things from the kitchen knowing her flatmate only too well.

"Damn I thought it was an Okay, Okay … So food first then I then I will try again." Her flatmate replied with an innocent smile.

Meg shook her head mouthed 'No' and started to eat, her flatmate gave a gentle huff and started to eat as well.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

Nearly two weeks had passed since her eventful trip home during which time she had made a quick phone call to the shop as time and laptop never seemed to coincide till now.

**Hi Sara**

**Sorry about the gap and fact the shop was busy so could not speak to you, nice to have a quick word with Mum, hope Debbie is better. Good to hear Dad is actually seeing Dr Brown and it is helping … as Mum says man to man rather than woman to man if it had been Dr Estrada. So no padded cell then! Sorry you have to carry the brunt of it all. **

**Huge surprise yesterday … I thought I would be meeting new boss this morning then head for the hills and new job if we approved of each other. Instead will meet new boss but head for UK for a quick visit work come bonus … will let you know when as there will most probably be silence from me for a while.**

**Otherwise having fun as well as working hard.**

**Big hugs and thanks **

**Meg**

Meg sent it as the office door opened and the phone rang which she answered, as Matthew walked in, she continued making notes and answering questions till she finished the call.

Matthew smiled asking as she turned her attention to him. "Everything all right?"

"Yes thanks just confirming a few things on the Baker job. Go ahead date still stays the same."

"Good. Paul is ready so I will introduce you and then you can pack your things for the trip leaving dates have been moved. I hope you're a good flyer because we will be doing UK by air, with a few ground trips thrown in."

"Wow! I managed so far... That means it's a small plane then."

Matthew laughed at her hesitation. "Well, a big one first to cross the water, then smaller private plane for the trips to Scotland and other places in UK. I know it's a small country by our standards but from past experience it takes time to travel on the roads. We will see a lot don't worry just the long road routes will be missed out. We will be off late this evening a car will pick you up from the apartment." He noted her look and added. "Like to keep you on your toes!"

"Oh yeah so I've noticed." She said with a smile, found her bag and got up ready to follow him.

Oxoxo

They arrived at Paul's office and entered. As she was introduced Meg could see the family resemblance and then stepped aside to let the cousins talk knowing they'd not seen each other for a while.

Paul was early thirty's, short with blonde hair and blue eyes which were sparkling with mischief as he greeted his older cousin though his tone definitely had a pout in it. "Decided to acknowledge me then Mat."

"Thought you might like to find your way around things and the building again. Australia not sunk yet then?" Mat replied with an air of innocence, knowing 'that' tone well.

"No everything's fine as well you know!" Then knowing it would be rude to carry on their cousinly banter Paul added. "Meg I hope Mat's has not been leading you astray too much."

That was when they both noticed that Meg was not concentrating on their talk but on a photo on a shelf to one side.

Meg's mind was in a slight haze when Mat's gentle but firm "Meg" brought her back to the office and the conversation and she answered Paul's question in a slightly dazed tone. "Sorry... No Mat's been very good to me. I was looking at the photo"

Paul came over towards her as he spoke. "Oh that's Peter. He started me off on my career in some respects."

Meg felt shock ripple through her as he carried on explaining. "We met in New York, he'd just recently come from England and was apartment sitting while the owners were away for six months. Very quiet but trusting man unfortunately we lost touch do you know him?"

Matthew gently pressed Meg to sit down seeing her reaction, both cousins knew when to keep quiet so stayed silent waiting for Meg to answer.

Meg was lost for words for moment, realising Matthew would not have recognised 'him' he had no reason too. She'd never shown any pictures of Ben and when describing him if asked he was a tall dark and handsome friend from the past. Now he was in a photo looking a bit younger and with a smile that reached his eyes standing next to a happy Paul. She wondered if she could be mistaken but as she looked at it she knew it was Ben not Derek his identical twin.

She knew was comfortable with her past, it was just the amazing coincidence of being here and seeing him and the fact he had another name that had knocked her slightly sideways. Gathering her thoughts into actions she took a photo out of her bag. She'd slipped it into the pocket a long time ago and never taken it out. Passing it over to Paul she remembered sitting on the rocks at sunset with Ben and they'd been kissing when Casey called them. They'd both looked up at him laughing and he'd snapped it. She knew she'd never get rid of it as it reminded her of the happier times together.

Paul put the photos together exclaiming. "Wow he looks so happy with you."

Seeing the photos side by side Meg thought some things never changed they were standing outside a nightclub with different coloured neon lights around the door and said quietly "He's with his wife and children now."

Paul exclaimed with some concern realising he'd put his foot in it. "Oh Meg I am so sorry. Look if this is going to cause trouble..."

Meg smiled and interrupted him. "No I'm fine about it now. The whole thing was a bit messy but he did the right thing and stayed with his wife and son now they have a baby daughter. I would like to know all about it though if you don't mind."

Paul smiled hearing the truth in her words and decided. "Fine let's have coffee … Matthew do you want to stay."

Matthew grinned. "Yes please I've not heard about this, must have been a few years ago, before you joined us."

Paul nodded and as if by magic the door opened and a member of staff bought in tray of coffee, when she left they made themselves comfortable and Paul started. "I'm not counting years back it makes me feel too old. … I must admit I did not think Peter was his real name, I used it once or twice and he did not answer it. … … Well, I had lost my job and room mate had chucked me out so I was sleeping rough …been like it for a week … knew I could not come to the family for help in case you're wondering Mat. They wanted me to come to my senses.

Anyway that night, actually the other side of midnight … I found this nice looking doorway it was warm because the nightclub had just closed and there was a gap under to door. So I settled down drifted off to sleep when this six footer tripped over me, I thought everyone had gone. He did not go flat thank goodness but steadied himself … I expected abuse and being kicked out physically for being there."

He gave a gentle smile as he remembered. "Instead I got an apology for not being noticed as well as an offer of food, bed and job, doorman/general help during the day and night. I got my wits together and said yes and like a good little dog followed him to the apartment. I understood he part owned the club and was baby-sitting an apartment so he had a roof over his head.

Over the coming months he showed me the ropes and business picked up. We were getting a name for ourselves he was always in the background and gave me the role of front man, which I thought was a bit strange. He once said it was because I was American, well the police didn't seem interested in him so I knew we were not a front for anything crooked or drugs. In fact the opposite, it was a safe place to go if you know what I mean and if you did have too much to drink he made sure there was a taxi home.

He knew his way around investments what he lacked was cash in hand, when the apartment owners returned we found a very small flat nearby. One day he was very quiet eventually he told me his parents had died I expected him to go back to England but he said he could not and left it at that. I think it was a couple of months later I had go into the city to do some business when I came back he'd gone. Not a trace of him the bartender gave me a note, which I have never fully understood.

It was something like "Good Luck. Saw my shadow so its time to move on everything is yours to keep or sell. If you see me around don't acknowledge me or mention I've been here. You've been a good friend don't try and find me."

I showed the bar tender the letter and we worked together. When I checked there was no other owner, so I was sole owner with profits and from then Peter never existed. When the regulars asked we said he moved on anybody else we did as he said. A couple days later I saw him in the neighbourhood it looked as though he was asking directions to somewhere, which was odd because he knew the area like the back of his hand and his memory was fantastic because he never wrote anything down unless he had to.

You know he never talked to me about his past he knew about me and everyone else's, he was a good listener. I did as he asked but I never forgot him or the way he treated everyone. … I ended up having a gold mine, which I sold and moved on later joining the family empire as an equal." He smiled and drank his coffee feeling the warmth of those memories and putting them away again and hoped he would find some more about his friend.

Meg finished her coffee thinking his story through and then was silent for a moment remembering and putting her thoughts together. Knowing she could trust them both she told what she knew. "Ben had an identical twin named Derek. Perhaps that's what he meant by his shadow, Derek hated Ben. Like you I don't know his past … I met Derek, not nice at all but had the same charm as Ben, he kidnapped Ben and took his place and deceived me and everyone else. He died trying to take Ben with him down a cliff. … Years earlier Derek had tried breaking up Ben's marriage to Maria and there was a boating accident, in which Maria was thought to have drowned. It took years for Ben to get over it then I came along and Maria reappeared at our wedding reception without a memory. Later that year her…. their young son turned up with nanny in tow. It's all very complicated. But in the end he chose to stay with Maria and Benjy and in June their daughter Samantha was born."

Matthew stayed silent and Paul said. "Meg I'm so sorry. But thanks for telling me. Can we still work together?"

She smiled hearing his concern was real and said. "Yes and its okay to talk about him in fact I'm fine with it now … couple months ago it would have been dodgy but now it's okay. He is very happy."

Amazed at the coincidences knowing how Meg came here Matthew knew he'd have to get things moving or it would be story time instead of work. He got up and took control saying. "Right I will leave you two to sort things out work wise. Then you can pick up the details for this UK trip they are in my office and pack. But leave the kitchen sink behind this time please Paul!"

"Yes Boss" Paul said laughing as he took out some folders from his desk and gave them to Meg saying. "Okay business for now - Jane is the other member of staff she is sorting out the offices we will be using so there should be no problems. Val my fiancée is the reason we are going to put a base there, she has several elderly members of her extended family to look after and a business to run so it's easier if I go there than the other way round.

We have pulled together four other businesses to run in our group so it's a very small version of this business, with a couple of others as possibilities depending on trends. We are computer based so we can expand easily once we are there. You need to read through the files for when we start which is as soon as we come back from the UK." He laughed at her expression and added. "Never a dull moment."

Meg smiled realising it really did run in this family. "I guess not, can I take the files with me and read them on the plane."

"Yes there is nothing sensitive in the files and we can work on them if needs be, there will be a small amount of work in the UK but not much. Office accommodation is fine, I shall stay with Val and there is a small apartment available. Or you can share with two others in a large house, male and female they treat each other like brother and sister. You can decide when we get there as they are both furnished. We will fly and then hire or buy cars when we arrive. That's all part of the package for the job by the way and your wages are the same as here."

"Wow a big car then!" Meg said with a grin.

He answered seriously though there was a twinkle in his eyes. "No roads are narrow and they have snow in winter."

"Okay then car in the summer snowplough in the winter. What else is there?"

He laughed knowing they were going to get of fine. "Sorting out what other paper work we need to take with us and then packing or Mat will be after us with a broomstick and that's not a pretty sight."


	11. Chapter 11

**CHAPTER 11**

Meg settled down in front of her computer glad to be back in the apartment even if was only for a couple of days.

She clicked on the key to open her mail from her sister and smiled.

**Hi**

**This is your long lost sister calling!**

**Seriously … thanks for your quick e-mail before you left. What was it you said "Leaving today! New boss fantastic." **

**SO!!! fill me in on your new boss!!! Knowing your luck with bosses he cannot be too bad!! No hiding from Sara you know that don't you. **

**I mean to say who else would have their ex boss but one to act as postman. (Robert … I've lost count of how many ex bosses you've had actually … Are you trying to break a record or something!!!) What did you do pass in an airport and shout!!! **

**Not complaining, to post that lot would have cost a fortune. Videos are good … talk about tree hopping, countryside looks beautiful and all those buildings etc. **

**Know where we are going when we can travel!!!!! **

**What can I do with the kids???? Umm Mum and Dad come to mind. Evil chuckle**

**Good to see you happy and fit, your mates are dishy … You never said which one was your new boss!!!! Hint Hint I assume he is in there somewhere great pity he is spoken for. Did you do any work?? **

**Dad is very much better in fact more relaxed than before, which is good … of course Mum is much happier … they been out for special meals etc. could almost call it courting … but they are married I know. **

**Bought new clothes again!!! **

**Babies kicking like mad, glad they haven't got a ball in there!! In case he feels left out Casey is fine and has not been kicked out of bed yet. By the kids or me! And don't you dare think or comment about my size either!!!!!!!**

**Scandal in Sunset - well we thought there was! **

**To state the blindingly obvious you know Tess and Tim have blonde hair … well baby girl has black hair and eyes just like someone we both know! Rumours were running round that Ben had been playing away from home. With Tess Of All People!!!! No No! …**

**It ended when Bette printed an open letter from Ben saying he is the father but through IVF treatment some private arrangement, along with the statement from the Doctor concerned. Everyone knows how private Ben is so that shut everyone up.**

**We now know Tim cannot have children. Perhaps that's why he was messing you around he would have known if he had tests done before your wedding. I cannot remember if you did. **

**Tess wanted a child and a known father … so with Maria and Tim's knowledge Ben did the deed at the clinic all very proper. Anyway the baby is well now and Tim is a great father he has really changed and is starting a new job with Liberty Corp. **

**Guess they had to come out in the open after all when Ben's name is mention the reporters bring up Derek and I suppose they want the children to be free from that legacy. Thankfully it is coming up less and less.**

**Other news. Ben's daughter is growing and loves to see what is going on, those eyes follow you everywhere and she has a lovely giggle it's almost as if she understands you already. Benjy is great with her and doing well in school. **

**We are in competition for THE PRIZE with The Gallery and guess who is working there now … use the term casually Umm Annie …. Yes!!! Dear old Annie … Casey and I are taking bets on how long she will last. The gang have joined in saying a couple of months at the most ….. Do you want to cast your vote? **

**Talking about the gang - Vanessa has got an assignment with one of the bigger groups of papers, no doubt she will forward you all the information. I think Michael is hoping it will be away from home and they can skip off together, he's doing fine by the way. When he and Casey get together they are just like two big kids! **

**Gabi and Ricardo have a girl, who looks like Gabi, everyone thought it would help with Carmen but no there was a bust up. In public! That woman has no sense at all; it looks like being final especially as a police officer had to help calm things. They have sold the Loft and moved into a house owned by the same people who run these apartments, so we are neighbours if you see what I mean. (Okay so there are a few houses between us but who is counting.)**

**Antonio is of course pleased for them, he has tried to stay neutral on this thing between Carmen and Ricardo but I think even he is coming down on Ricardo's side and sees less of Carmen. Good news is he has moved up in the Mission, … hey that sounds bad … you know what I mean … running things rather than being given all the difficult jobs … mind you that could be a difficult job in itself. **

**Tyus was seen around the hospital he is fine and is getting married to one of the nurses from his new practice and his research is going well. I forgot to get address but Stacey has if you want it.**

**Dad wants to have a word with you sometime, usual arrangements for Mum or use your mobile. Let me know how you feel.**

**As we appear to be up against The Gallery amongst others in the competition please try and come if only for the one day that will be great. Assuming you have actually settled in by then of course. The date is end of September let you know as soon as we do.**

**Miss you. **

**Oh yeah. The people in the apartments are great and I've already booked a place sorry two places with the crèche! Hey have you noticed it been all girls lately! My little lad is going to feel a bit out numbered.**

**Hugs Sara.**

Meg clicked on reply and started typing.

**Hi Sis**

**Hey I never lost you I just could not find time to e-mail!!!**

**I think I'm on land but not too sure! … Never do a country in such a short time … decided like you I must go again. Perhaps we might team up. **

**Trying to pack up for our trip to the hills, flying and landing again!!!! **

**Yoyo comes to mind! I was going to say I would not fly again after this but if I do come back for the celebration I don't think I will walk it. **

**As for my Boss he was the one behind the camera! He hates standing still in front of the thing but loves taking them. As for getting things back to you so quick … yes we met at the airport and I past on the parcel (Okay so it was arranged, well he could not walk back could he…. he joined us for the last DAY over in UK … commercial out private lift back … how's that for a flying visit!!! But it was worth a cool million. Bet he did not know what time it was when he got back home all those time zones!!!) Glad everything arrived you must have been up all night to see them all. **

**That was some news! **

**Glad Tim is okay with the baby; I bet tongues are still wagging in spite of the truth. Never would have thought it of Ben though I mean he could not stand Tim and he was very cautious of Tess … I suppose that's why he supported them after all he would not want a umm don't know what you would call her … step-niece anyway not to have a roof over her head. I suppose he will be an uncle of sort.**

**Okay so what was it about my fantastic that got your curiosity peaked…. He is just an ordinary guy, good looking umm a little rich with it and taken SO leave it at that! **

**But something strange has occurred while travelling.**

**PROMISE ME THAT YOU WILL KEEP THIS TO YOURSELF AND CASEY.**

**See how trusting I am by telling you anyway in my travels came across someone who knew Ben when he first arrived in US. He (the friend) never knew about Derek so it looks as though Ben was hiding from him then. Most probably got turned out of house and home I don't know but I do know Ben never returned when his parents died. I realise now that is why he tried so hard to keep Dad on board and wanted to help Maria through everything … then of course Benjy came and tipped the scales against us. At least he is happy now and has his own family.**

**PLEASE DO NOT TELL MUM AND DAD OR BEN it could open old wounds especially for Ben. He left his friend suddenly telling him not to find him and this friend is respecting that request even now. So I'm asking you too. You know the world must be getting smaller, strange how things turn out. **

**We are going to be working flat out for the next few weeks so don't expect much. Hope we beat The Gallery as for Annie working there as I say strange things do happen hope it works out for her, trust she is settled with Jude or has that gone by the roadside. **

**I might come back at the end of September, most probably be a flying visit of a day if I can manage it. That gives me under four weeks to sort things out here. Oh dear you should see the things I've got to pack!!!!! **

**Where's some sand to bury myself in quick!!! No tried it didn't work.**

**Glad things are going well for Mum and Dad; give them my love, Casey as well. I think I need to be a bit settled before I ring Dad so I'll try to ring Mum at Casey's usual arrangement, may be in transit and my mobile has just departed so will give you new number as soon as I get that sorted. **

**Special love to you and babies to be. (Hope you can still get through the doors …Only kidding honest.)**

**Meg**

Meg closed it down and sighed as she looked round the room wondering where to start her eyes drifted towards the view and her mind started to wander.

Her flatmate came from the kitchen and leant against the wall smiling as she watched Meg; she was going to miss her and said gently with a tease. "Meg to earth…"

Meg turned smiled and asked with a sigh, "Okay where to start?"

They both laughed.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

Meg sat in her new room at the house, boxes, cases packed and half unpacked, cupboards and draws opened some full, some waiting to be filled … in other words a mess.

She sighed, she had had enough of packing and unpacking but she knew she would have to do it all again and soon … the things she wanted were as usual in the other or last case or box she would come to. She silently promised herself that next time she would make a list where everything was kept.

She smiled as her mind carried thinking about the next time … true the distance would be small, just across the town compared to the one she had just done and her mind wandered back to the phone call from the airport to her mother and her father who was hoping for a word or two. That was true it was just a few words a bit strained at that, as she was getting ready to get on the plane and had not expected him to be there with her mother.

He had sounded good but then he always did - could she really trust him this time. Her mother sounded happy said she understood if she wanted them to keep in the background on her visit if they won the competition or at Christmas. That had caught her out … she found it heard trying to think of Christmas at the moment, it was enough just to think about the next few weeks. So she had left things open even to the extent of still not telling them where she was staying. Perhaps it was because she had spoken to her Dad at his request not hers as she'd wanted and being a short hop away had made her edgy. … Okay it was hours and a different state … but not so far as Boston. Was she hiding it or wanting to keep it private … she could not make up her mind at the moment. No, she needed face to face proof that her father would not hop on a plane and grab her back or take over her life again as he had before.

That meant going back for a while and she didn't want that yet … she liked the independence not having anyone relying on her and the other way round as well. Perhaps Christmas when the babies were born she would stay with her parents so Sara and Casey could have their privacy or she could stay with them and help out. Things would be sorted here and know whether it would be a success or not.

She got up, stretched found the computer and the plugin and decided to write to Sara.

**Hi Sara **

**Just to say I'm living out of suitcases with two friends, male and female and don't get ideas he's seeing another girl. They are great easy to live in with so far. The apartment I was hoping to have will be ready in a couple of weeks, the one above had a water leak and the owner was away so you can guess what it was like. Full time dry out, new ceilings the lot … glad I didn't find it, Jane did a couple of hours before we arrived. Some welcome for us luckily it was only the two flats the rest were okay. **

**I cannot believe it's September already and I've been here two days, yep some suitcases and boxes still need emptying, just decided I needed a break. Been trying to find something … guess it's going to be in the last one I unpack! **

**Everything has been set up work wise and computers are behaving so will be busy. To top it all Paul and I are going to see a little bit Canada, his fiancée won a long weekend in a hotel and unfortunately cannot go so I'm going AND before you start squealing … separate rooms and her blessing. DRIVING this time, I've got a small car as the roads are steep into the hills. Good views over the valleys and spectacular sunsets it is quite quiet compared to the city but a busy town if you understand what I mean, not a sleepy place, the airport is a drive away and it caters for small and medium planes. **

**Mum certainly sounds happy, so do you come to that, pity Casey could not stay for long when we spoke and Dad seems good. To be honest I was dreading making a call to him and yes I have forgiven him, well he is Dad and it's in the past. But trust is a different matter that will come with time so I'm still not telling you where I am, perhaps when I see you at Christmas and stay things will be different. The thing that worries me is he will be fine for a while then I say or do something and it is all thrown back in my face - I really don't think I can do all again it would really mean the end of our family. **

**As for the competition I expect it will be a flying visit just for the day perhaps a night in which case can I have my bed? I'm really not sure about staying at Mum and Dad's but that I suppose it could be a test … see what you think and how you feel. You're health is very important. If you think staying with you and Mum is out of the question I'm sure I could stay with Vanessa and Michael or even a hotel.**

**Talking of your health, tell me your due date then I can book a seat and have extra off. Don't panic I will stay with Mum and Dad then unless you want a learner at your side besides Casey that is. Glad to hear new tenants in Surf Central are working out all right. Yes I have double-checked re rent and everything is fine I am getting something in the account but it does not matter. I have good pay; accommodation and car come with the job talk about landing on my feet. Oh I should not say that thinking about planes and tempting fate.**

**As for working here, office is nice not in a modern block, Jane is great to work with, Val is a real nutcase but good fun. I can understand why Paul moved out here to be with her. I don't know how she manages to run her business and look after her crazy Aunts and Uncles; she has got it down to a fine art. Been here two day and been to two parties, already met some friendly people, and I thought it was going to be quieter than the City. Hey … No you don't Sister! … I like the free and easy life for me!**

**Be in touch again when I get back from Canada. **

**Love Meg.**

She sent it and eyed the mess, she would not be going on her trip for another day but she thought she would get it sorted as she unpacked her other things. Perhaps that's what was making life a little complicated, if she just unpacked everything then …

There was a knock on the doorframe she looked up and smiled. "Ooh! Just what I need thanks." She got up and took the offered cup of tea and stood beside her new housemate who was surveying the mess with a smile.

"Need some help?"

"Big bin bag comes to mind I think." Meg said with a laugh then drank her tea the mess could wait a little longer.

"You're going to need some warm clothes soon especially going northwards, don't forget your passport."

She finished her tea and said wistfully, "You would think they would know where to go by now they've been in and out of enough cupboards and boxes."

"Oh dear you are in a bad way." Her housemate laughed as he took the cup and placed it in the passageway out of harms way. "Any empty boxes that need storing or things you don't need right away can go in the 'walk in' cupboard next door. I've just finished clearing it out."

"Umm those two over there. I think I'll take a few things and buy when I'm up there I mean to say they have towns there selling all the right stuff."

He grinned he could not resist the tease, "Yes they have towns over the boarder," Meg smiled accepting the tease as he carried on. "The National Park is small but very beautiful, mountains, rivers and wild life …you don't have to be a climber to enjoy them and as it is change over season you might be in luck … people selling last year fashion in the sale.

There's another town between here and the boarder … further up the valley just before you go into the mountains proper. They have a small but good shopping centre we consider ourselves neighbours even if it does take three quarters of an hour to get there and we can be cut off from them in the winter. Keep promising myself I'll go mountain riding from there one day. Right two boxes coming up." He made his way over to the boxes and picked one up and exclaimed. "Okay one at a time then. … Gold bars not rocks I hope!"

Meg gave a gentle laugh as she started hanging some things up and putting others in the case.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

Meg huffed and muttered, "Typical, had to be here out in the sticks not when we were having an early lunch at home or near that turning to the town a while back … Oh no … could not wait till we were just across the boarder in Canada either … hey that would have been nice! ... Should have known better after this morning..." as she looked around trying to sort out exactly where they were.

Paul kept silent pulled over to the side of the road shook his head at her mutterings and got out to deal with the matter. He carefully lifted the bonnet and stood back as smoke and or steam escaped, along with the smell of burning which had come into the car telling them of trouble just seconds before the splutters of a dying car confirmed it.

He knew they'd had some luck; they were not amongst the hairpin bends up ahead or on the steep straight incline they had just driven up … they were on the short flat bit in the middle and they had managed to coast into a lay-by.

Realising things were bad he called back to Meg in a sharp tone to get her attention. "Meg! I think you should get out and take a few bags with you just in case it's more to the smoke and steam. I know vaguely where we are … I'll ring the Police Station and see what they can do. Insurance people could take some time to get their truck here."

"How do you know who to ring?" Meg asked as she got the bags out while Paul rang, she had recognised 'that' tone of voice and it had stopped her ill-tempered mutterings just made her move and think.

"Simple I fed in all Police numbers on the route in before we left."

Meg laughed "Oh ye of little faith!" No wonder he had been so cocky earlier.

Paul smiled glad to see the right Meg back and bantered. "No just careful ... well okay ... I know my luck and Australia was a big... Yes I was hoping you could help us we've broken down on the main road ..." and gave details then listened and smiled at Meg then signed off and put the phone away adding. "Simple one phone call and the tow truck will take us down into the town at the head of the valley … it's covered by all insurance companies as it's the only one for miles."

Exasperated Meg exclaimed. "Damn! I was hoping it would be in Canada then at least we will get there, I bet we never get on this trip. … It's been fated you know that! … First Val not being able to go …then the chaos and now this."

Paul was surprised by her outburst she was usually quite calm, a huff occasionally yes and said gently. "You're not usually this edgy. Jane and Val will cope with the hick-up a couple of phone calls and emails and everything will be fine. Val may look like a dizzy blonde model but she is really sharp … you know she runs that construction company in her sleep. So no-one will pull the wool over her eyes … anyway she will enjoy herself a change from bricks and drawings." He gave a cheeky laugh and carried on. "You should see the expressions of some people when she starts helping out on site! Especially when she strips down, the lads don't say a word of course. Come on let's sit on that log and have some coffee."

Meg's mood brightened and giggled at the thought of Val on a building site, the pair of them could lift her moods not that she had many down ones she was extremely happy. If she was honest the hick-up could be sorted easily it just came at the wrong time just when her hormones had not quite kicked back in.

Paul watched her as they drank their coffee and said gently "Thought that was last week."

She looked back at him and laughed. "Yeah be better tomorrow. I guess."

"The Aunts don't let Val near the china dinner set." Paul said gently.

Meg sighed then giggled "Great! Thought I got rid of a Dad … got a brother instead!"

Paul smiled. "Umm brothers give you more rope though."

They both laughed.

oxoxo

The tow truck came and they were driven to the garage on the edge of town and waited anxiously for the mechanic to pronounce the verdict, which was guilty but not terminal. It would be ready tomorrow, because they would have to wait for a part to be brought in, but they could borrow a car and stay at a hotel for the night all part of the service.

They rang the hotel in Canada and got busy tone each time so they transferred everything from the truck into the borrowed car with instructions about the hotel and drove into town. First impression was a roadside town residential housing leading to a mixture of shops to businesses leading back onto residential. Down the side roads were the mixture of all three making it quiet a big place, but it kept a rural feeling, which was nice. They found the car park off a side road; it was large but only half full and there were signs that a market was held there frequently.

Meg felt her mood lighten and decided to see if she could leave an e-mail to the hotel rather than waiting at the end of the phone for a reply. So she took her laptop with her to find an Internet cafe or someone who would let her use the connection. She walked beside Paul looking at the buildings which were mainly fairly old but well kept and noticed the newer development had been kept to the side roads, helping to keep a gentle atmosphere to the place. The September colours were all ready starting to show in the wooded mountainside giving it a glow. There were people around but not the bustle of Sunset Beach or the City, but not the sleepy feel of a town just waiting to wake up, more one that was happy with itself.

Paul suddenly stopped and pointed out some interesting shops and businesses down the side road by the bus station. Meg smiled knew what that meant so they arranged to meet back at the car in an hour then they would find the hotel. She spotted a clothes shop selling winter coats, sweatshirts and tracksuits at half price, so she popped in and found what she wanted then asked about an Internet cafe. She was directed to a computer club café, which was back on the main road.

Back on the main road she stopped for a moment opposite the farmers hardware store amazed to see a small stable through the archway with a horse and trap waiting to be used and wondered how many people came in by horse. Her eye caught the sign advertising riding trips into the mountain and decided she could come up here to do some mountain tracking on her weekend off, she was sure both her friends would love it as they both rode. The toot of a horn in the distance brought her back from her daydreaming she checked which way to go and went to find the computer club café.

Oxoxo

It looked like any other café but some tables had computers on them others were free for snacks and drinks. She put her things down on the nearby table and looked around, her mind flitted back to the Java Web and how it was always full. This one was empty of customers and staff she checked the sign on the door in case she had missed the closed sign. She had not it was open. It didn't feel neglected rather the opposite, everything was clean, tidy and new, she noticed by one wall was a wide shelf and a couple of plugins for private laptop use and stools underneath.

It looked as though someone had just popped out for a second she smiled as she thought of the fiction stories it would make and walked over to the serving counter on the left hand side of the room. She noticed the ramp, which lead through the archway into a passageway which disappeared off left. Just off the archway was another room, which had larger tables, some computers and shelves of board games. It was bigger than it looked from the outside and she squashed the idea of a body behind the counter but checked anyway as she looked round for a bell to ring for attention and hoped the owner would come in soon.

Instead she saw a couple of cakes just begging for her attention and she decided she would hang around for a few more minutes she really needed to send the e mail or get back to Paul and get him to ask at a firm or shop to do it.

She heard voices from further down the corridor and called out. "Hello!" She hardly recognised her own voice as it came out harsher than she meant it to and guessed she really needed that coffee.

There was silence for a moment then a female voice called back. "Just a moment please!" Then quieter but clear, "John you should get ready Jack will be here in a moment I will close up for you. Shep!! come here!"

A black and white collie bounded into the cafe area, skidding to a stop just in front of Meg wagging his tail, bright pleading eyes asking for attention.

Meg smiled bent over and stroked his head.

"Sorry about Shep. What would you like I'm afraid we are closing in a few minutes. John has to go for a hospital appointment." The assistant was in her late twenties, tall and slim with short brown hair, her face and voice were happy; she was pretty but not stunning.

Meg realised that was why it was empty most people would know it would be closing through word and mouth no need to advertise. "I hope it's nothing serious. In that case I'll forget the coffee and cake and beg the use of the wall plugins for my computer I need to get in touch with our hotel in Canada no one is answering their phone. We've broken down and the car will not be ready till tomorrow afternoon."

"It's just a check up. Sorry you've broken down, yes you can stay, though I can't help you if anything goes wrong that's John's department and Terry's but he's away. I'm Jackie, white or black coffee and which cake?"

"Oh the one of the right please and white coffee thank you." She put her computer on the shelf and came back to the counter.

The shop doorbell bell went and a police officer strolled in smiling at Jackie, nodded at Meg who collected her coffee and cake and went over to the computer plugins.

"Is he ready?" The police officer asked then exclaimed in a raised serious voice, which was obviously aimed at the person down the passageway out of sight, though his smile showed there was a tease behind the words. "I don't want to have to give myself a parking ticket you know!"

It was met by silence from the passageway; the police officer looked questioningly at Jackie.

"He's a bit slow, having a bad day I think." Jackie then raised her voice and looked towards the archway. "John! Jack's here with the taxi." She smiled as she said it then turned her attention back to Jack and asked. "Sandy all right now?"

"Yes the vet said it was something he ate. Got it off the hedges on the back road I expect! Just hope he does not try that trick again today ... I was thinking of getting a flashing blue light for him ... You know just in case I have to chase a car on the way to the hospital."

Jackie gave a snort, Jack smiled saying. "Well you never know!"

"Oh come on!" She giggled back.

Meg looked round at them wondering what they were talking about when she caught a glimpse of the horse and trap standing outside. She turned her attention back to the archway as Shep was now up on his feet looking hopefully towards the back room tail wagging furiously and a slight swishing sound from the passageway not footsteps; she wondered what was making that noise.

"No Shep you stay with me." Jackie went over and held the dog by its collar easing and fussing him towards to the counter, where he reluctantly laid down but still kept an eye on the archway.

"Sorry Jackie I've dropped some files and smashed my glasses as well." The speaker came into sight and stopped dead just their side of the archway. Colour went from his face as he spotted Meg.

Meg felt a violent shiver of hot and cold go through her as she heard his voice and as she turned towards it and exclaimed in stunned horror. "Christ! No!"

Jackie and Jack looked on stunned at the shock and anger in her voice along with her loss of colour.

"Meg!" It was an involuntary whispered exclamation from the man in the wheelchair and ended with an even quieter sigh. "Why now?"

Meg felt as though something had hit her hard in the face and stomach. Her mind racing unaware she was walking towards him. She took in the fact he was in a wheelchair, therefore could not walk, had streaks of grey in his hair, pale but otherwise just as handsome as his brother. All the anger she had felt over the loss of Mark and friends, the hurt he had caused her and Ben came boiling up.

She came to a stop to one side of him but not close enough to reach out and touch, he sat still watching her mesmerised by her as she was by him.

She had thought he was dead so could never face her anger and disgust but he was alive. She found her voice. "You bastard!! … You think you can change your name and get away with it!"

"Please Meg … stop." It was said with such gentleness and sadness, which also showed on his face.

She looked at him, her eyes blazing with anger and hate she did not let him continue but shouted at him not loudly but coldly. "Why the hell should I!! … So you can sweet talk your way out of what … murders, rape and kidnapping!! ... What did they call you … John! "

She moved her head so she could see the Officer as well as person she was shouting at so she could address them both and tell them the truth.

"Well Officer let me introduce you to Derek Evans he murdered … what was it four or five people including his twin brother's closet friend Mark, …They never did him any harm. … Oh yes kidnapped his brother Ben took his place and then raped me in front of him!!!"

She looked back at the man in the wheelchair her voice softer but hard, eyes still sparkling with anger and hurt, nothing was going to stop her now. "Do you know how hard it was for us to get over what you did? … …Sorry!! I forgot that's how you get your kicks isn't it! …. Well not any more!! I want him arrested!! Now!!" She had raised her voice as she said the last words expecting movement from the Officer at least.

There was silence no one moved.

She looked over at Jack who just stayed quiet, it fuelled her anger even more, as she looked at Jackie and realised Jack seemed to look sad rather than angry as though she was the mad one not Derek. She realised in a flash that his charm had spun its evil web she turned back to Derek and got closer to him.

That was not going to stop her so she spat the words out which were against her usual caring nature making them sound colder and harder than ever to anyone who knew her. "I'm glad you're hurting! Not fully fit anymore at least you've felt some pain! In your own prison needing people to help you! Good! … You chained him in a chair and did not feed him properly; he nearly died because of you! I hate you Derek!"

She raised her hand and brought across his face hard. The sound of her hand hitting his face resounded round the cafe.

Then it felt as though time slowed down for her.

She thought she saw tears in his eyes even before her hand hit his face; he never ducked away from the blow. His head moved slightly as he took the force of the blow, he eyes stayed on her all the time accepting all her pain and anger. Her hand went across his face continuing through the arch and was stopped by his hand.

She felt the sting of the blow on her hand then up her arm but also a familiar touch she had not felt in along time, she rejected it in an instant, this was Derek not Ben, her mind was playing tricks.

She was shocked back into reality as his hand grabbed hers not harshly but gently and firmly then he lifted it towards his face, still keeping eye contact as though he could not look away from her, tears were running down his face.

She felt panic rush through her. She was going to be held hostage by him and become another victim.

Suddenly she realised as he gently kissed the top of her fingers that it was wrong, very wrong he was not going to hurt her. Those eyes were dark deep and familiar not hostile and evil and she was engulfed in that familiar feeling of love, security, happiness, that she had missed for so long, and thought could never be hers again.

She felt as though she could not breath, her legs stayed steady but her mind seemed to be in two as she recognised him, her voice was gentle stunned, as she spoke not caring whether she made sense. "No!... …You're in Sunset Beach with Maria, Benjy and Sammy, your daughter... … He fell off the cliff into the water! " She pleaded with him. "You cannot be here … … please this is a dream... … You're safe at home where you belong... … Tell me you are! ... Please."

He said nothing just watched her, his eyes sad, his cheek showing slightly red where her hand had hit it, the tears had stopped.

As everything came together her voice turned extremely soft and loving, tears ran down her cheeks. "Oh No! … He could not have survived … you said he was dead… …When … how long, … … Oh no … Not Seattle please..."

He gave the slightest nod she carried on. "All those months … what did he do to you? … … He took you're memories … I … I've called you Derek... I'm sorry! I don't hate you… The letters... your memories... Oh Ben!.. " She felt as though her mind was going to explode.

He gently held her hand and carried on looking into her face knowing she was really starting to understand who he was. He spoke quietly slightly unsteadily, his heart cracking knowing he had to do it for both their sakes. "Meg I'm sorry, … you cannot stay, … you've made a break from me and you love your family too much. … I don't know what's brought you here but you have to go and go now!"

His words were like cold water on her mind and she knew how much she wanted him, she put her hand on the side of the wheelchair to steady herself. Her voice cracked as she spoke. "N … No … I cannot leave Ben please don't make me! I've missed you so much!"

His voice was gentle but steady now. "Meg you have to go, … Ben is in Sunset Beach. … I died when I arrived in Seattle … I'm John now. No one can know I am alive not even your parents … Can you live with that! … Think of the lies you will have to tell, … you can't break their trust it will kill you and our love. … It's going to be hard for you to watch him and his family without a hint that I exist. Can you do that would that be fair on you and your family, and so difficult if we had children they..."

She looked at him and saw the pain he was in, and knew he did not want to hurt her again. Her mind rushed on with what she wanted to say. 'I have found you only to lose my family or you again. I cannot walk out that door and return to my life. No! I'm going to stay no matter what might happen.' But that didn't come instead she said with deep love. "I'm staying Ben … forever."

Jack's voice cuts into her thoughts and words. "John we have to go! The specialist is waiting and so is a parking ticket if I'm not carefully."

John smiled and nodded to Jack then said quietly and seriously to her. "Meg it cannot be like before I cannot walk or travel Jackie is my nurse and assistant. I you want to go. I fully understand and love you for it but go now before it is too late, you can find someone else, you know I am safe. … Forgive me for letting him live the life he wants. … It will be so difficult for you if you stay … you will lose everything and I don't want you to do that." He let go of her hand and Meg moved away as he straightened the chair so it faced the doorway out into the street but did not move the chair any nearer to the door.

Jack opened the door and said. "Jackie I'll ring if they need to keep him in otherwise I'll come over to the stables with John. Tell Mandy what's happened … Meg you should think seriously on what John has said it would be dangerous for you back in Sunset Beach if Derek has the slightest hint you know the truth that goes for your family as well. You know his record he has even more to lose now."

Meg looked at Jack and nodded stepped back beside Ben and gently took his chin in her hand turning his head so he looked at her, feeling no resistance to her she looked at him her voice was firm gentle and very loving. "Let me say goodbye to Ben and when you come back I will get to know you John because I'm not leaving my soulmate, I know I've come home."

He did not resist her at all; he could not although his mind was shouting No his heart was shouting Yes his Soulmate had found him, when he had thought she had gone forever.

They kissed gently lovingly their worlds exploding till Jack's loud cough brought them back to earth. They moved apart, she stood back from the chair gradually letting the headiness settle, he was really there with her! Against all odds they had found each other that had to mean something.

Jack looked a little sheepish but his voice was firm. "Sorry but we must go! Sandy has only one speed when you're a board and Specialist should not be kept waiting. You've got Jackie's files?" John nodded; they were in the bag on the back of the chair.

Jackie suddenly remembered. "Glasses!"

Jack handed them to him and he put them on, Jack also saw Meg's face as she suddenly realised that Maria and Benjy had been living with Derek, he guessed what she was thinking and said gently. "Meg, Jackie's Mum can fill you in … understand Benjy is Derek and Maria's son."

She looked at him horrified and was about to say something but Jack shook his head and followed John through the door.

Still shaking she watched as Ben wheeled himself out of the shop and Jack and another man lifted him into the carriage collapsed the chair and put it on a holder at the back. Her mind was spinning trying hard to accept it all. She squashed the thought of Derek and Maria and concentrated on Ben who was hurt needed her love not sympathy and he would be the hardest one to convince. That she loved him completely and could accept the split from her family it was her free decision. She vaguely wondered why the carriage when they have cars? He did not look back at her but she watched them go gently off the cars giving way to them when needed she turned back into the cafe where Jackie was awaiting.

Jackie came over to her and hugged her, could feel her slight tremor and answered her unasked question. "John doesn't like cars or any other vehicle with an engine or any place he feels he can not get out of quickly including lifts. … He was in a back of a van, possibly a trunk of a car for a long time or a small plane." She broke the hug but left her hand on Meg's arm. "Meg this is not going to be easy for you or for him. Deal with your e-mail then I'll take you to see Mandy, she's my mother and John's shrink come doctor, Jack is my father he found John. … We'll go to the stables and sit in comfort and explain it all."

Meg exclaimed. "Hell! Paul will be waiting in the car park." She gave a strangled laugh "Talk about confusion Paul knew Ben as Peter! He has to know Jackie!"

Jackie shook her head and smiled "I'll drive you to the car park then you follow in the car."

Unsteadily Meg drank her cold coffee and found the information to cancel the hotel booking she knew they would stay and see this through whichever way it turned. She knew she could work with Paul and wait till Ben came round to the idea if necessary.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

Meg was silent for the short drive to the car park, her mind was trying to settle on what had happened but implications and questions kept slamming into each other. …

… Why hadn't he called …she had disappeared … He was hurt. … how bad … Jackie had refused to say. ... … He used to call her his soulmate … surely he would have needed her … she would have come. … But she had walked out on him … if she had left home there would have been questions danger to them both … surely he could return to face them now… why the secrecy … was it just so he could recover. … The look he had just now in spite of his words it was love … wasn't it? … Strangely she could feel a deeper love for him …she knew it was not pity. … Had it always been that deep for him? … When he said goodbye in the dream was that …

The movement of the car slowing and turning into the car park brought her back to the present and she saw Paul waiting by the car looking around with his phone in his hand obviously trying to find out where she was.

Jackie stopped her car across the rear of the other one startling Paul as he watched the manoeuvre.

Meg got out, and saw his concern grow as he as he recognised her, realising she must look a wreck she ran her hand through her hair and tried to smile as she walked up to him. As soon as she was close to him she blurted it out in an almost incoherent rush. But he must have understood as she found his arms around her as she cried into his chest and his heard gentle shaky words "He's alive Meg that's the best thing … we can help now … guess neither of us got over losing him."

She muttered as she pushed herself away from him "But he wants me to leave Paul! … I can't … not this time."

They looked at each other for a moment, both mirrored the shock they felt, pale and slightly drawn, her tears running down her face while his eyes were bright with unshed tears.

Paul sighed still trying to get his head round the way things had turned out but when he spoke his voice was gentle and steady. "That's his head speaking … his heart wants you to stay" He gently wiped away a tear from her cheek adding "He kissed you even after you hit him." And then with a grin "He must be a sucker for punishment so we will give him what he deserves."

She laughed shakily and he gently pushed her round to the passenger door opening it and helping her in. Then looked across at Jackie, who had been waiting quietly liking what she saw from both of them, and asked. "Very far?"

"No … back onto the main road drive on through the town, turning right at the police station you cannot miss it and I'll be in front all the way."

oxoxo

Paul kept his thoughts to himself as they followed Jackie's car and turned off the main road by police station, down the shared wide tree lined driveway/lane to a very large hotel with garden and parking frontage. Then they followed the curve of the low garden hedge till they came to a very large barn, converted into two, two storey apartments. Just beyond it was a path and some scrubland then a large stable block which curved round onto the other side of the driveway to join the large paddock which finished up behind the police station, ensuring the barn conversion was private and quiet.

As they pulled up outside the barn conversion Jackie tooted her horn and a lady came out of a side door of the hotel, stopped for a moment then walked through the archway in the hedge towards them, she was obviously Jackie's mother.

Meg and Paul got out looking around amazed at the buildings, also realising the very expensive looking hotel was the one the garage proprietor had given them for their overnight stay. They looked at each other with a grin remembering the instructions they had been given to find the hotel "Drive through the town you can't miss it." That was true as it was a beautiful farming mansion possibly one of the original ones… whoever used to own it most likely owned the land and as well as the town.

Jackie had got out and walked towards her mother with a smile ready to explain but heard her say quietly "Pandora's box has been opened I see." Jackie thought about it and nodded and her mother raised her voice slightly to include the couple. "Well this is a surprise you are Meg Cummings yes?"

"Yes! How did you know?" Meg looked over at Jackie who shook her head to indicate she had not called ahead.

The lady smiled "The garage rang to say we have a couple, needing separate rooms to stay overnight on a repair job … that is the garage's car unless you've been foolish enough to buy the old banger... … No I thought not." She gave a gentle laugh half to herself. "It would never get out of town anyway the shock would be too great for it."

She quietened her voice so only Meg could hear as she carried on. "I assume you've met John as you are with Jackie." Meg nodded and the lady gave a smile. "Must've been interesting, … I'm his doctor, shrink if you like … in his sessions his description of you was very vivid … he has a photo of you but it's not a good one, from a paper and gained over the internet … now he's got the real thing."

She raised her voice to include everyone as she carried on. "I'm Mandy and Jackie's mother for my sins."

Jackie gave a sighing "Mum!" as her mother shook Meg's hand and then turned her attention to Paul. "I'm sorry sir if you feel left out I hope you are a close friend of Meg's."

Paul shook her hand "Yes, and boss but nothing else … I'm Paul and just to make things more interesting I knew Ben/John as Peter in New York. This is going to be very confusing!"

Mandy laughed replying. "Oh to say the least." She looked at her daughter who was smiling like a Cheshire cat and said seriously. "I not kidding Pandora's box for both of them. … I was hoping to get this year over before we faced it. …Guess fate has stepped in let's hope she is smiling this time. Come on we'll set up shop in John's apartment that way no one will interrupt us. … Does Jack know and is he coming over later with John?"

"Yes on both accounts Mum, John's been in a bad mood all day probably because he's had more feeling today as well as nerves. At least we will know whether there is a chance he can walk again ... and now this!" She was stopped by her mother's shake of her head and look and knew she would have to control her enthusiasm.

Shep rounded them up, nuzzling their hands as they walked to the apartment, making them laugh and relax a bit. Once inside Meg was struck by the peacefulness and the layout, it was a complete house on one floor with no dividing walls; the support pillars for the rooms above were at the end of units or by chairs. Low cabinets seemed to act as dividers where necessary with wide areas for the wheelchair to turn or pass in. The windows were large and the door was half glass giving an open but comfortable and homely feel to the living area.

The group made their way over the lounge area where there were three sofas making a rectangular shape, along the wall and window were bookcases, the TV with a CD/radio player, CDs and fire, which was unlit at the moment. Meg realised it was a very good imitation one and beside it on the wall at waist height was the control panel along with another panel, which she presumed controlled the curtains as well as a red button. It intrigued her as she saw another one on the far wall and near the kitchen unit … call buttons perhaps. Everything was at the right height for Ben's use; she stopped herself and re thought it … at John's height this was his home, life and independence.

A thought struck her and voiced before she stop could it. "Will everything have to raised if John can walk?" She was looking at cooking unit, which was near the centre of the apartment, a sort of focal point, reminding her of the open plan restaurants, only this one you could see the sink unit, washer etc as well.

Jackie was at it getting drinks and cakes and answered. "Yes it's an easy job though as these were specially made so we can raise them either from the top or bottom. The cabinets are the same and we'll just add higher shelves to the bookcases on the walls."

Paul gave a low whistle of recognition. "Val's work!" … They looked at him so he went on …"Done in January I was flitting between this area and Boston before I went to Australia she said it had to be done quickly and kept private, which it was." He sat on the sofa facing away from the door and Meg slipped in beside him.

Mandy gave a smile and Jackie giggled saying. "He can't fight it Mum! … …You were saying the other day things go round in circles. Guess this one just met up with its other end."

Mandy chose to ignore that bit as she had been talking about fashion at the time and called across. "I had some soup and sandwiches put in the fridge in case John was going to be late back we can use those later, this is going to take a while."

Meg looked around and realised there were no stairs to the higher level. "No stairs I thought there were windows..."

Mandy took one of the trays and put it on the table then sat on the sofa facing the unlit fire as Jackie answered. "We thought that might come later … there's a hatchway already made in the ceiling it just needs taking out and stairs fitted. It will go in the gap by the bathroom. I should warn you the bathroom has special automatic doors and it's like the rest one big room with everything in it, the shower floor is slightly slopped for drainage otherwise we would get flooded." She gave a little laugh "We still do … I don't know which is worse Shep or John! … Umm … the door at the bedroom end goes through to our apartment, which does have an upstairs; we use the door for easy access to John, day and night … so you could say this is all one big apartment really.

The room is wired on an intercom system which is also connected to Mum in the hotel as well as the red emergency buttons on the walls and by the bed, John has one a personal one on him as well. It means we can give him some space to himself when he wants it. The area beside the bed is for medical use, at first we had a special hospital unit there and the lounge area had the nurses' beds in it. The hoist over the bed is so we can move John easily … hopefully he will be able to use it himself now he is getting stronger and more mobile. The dinning area by the door speaks for itself … general dumping ground as it is so near the door."

She came over to the lounge area with the other tray and put it on the table then looked back at the door and clicked her fingers. Shep just looked at her and stayed lying beside it; she shook her head and sat beside her mother sighing. "Guess he'll move when his master comes back or his stomach grumbles."

Meg smiled remembering the dog they had in Kansas and accepted the cup of tea Mandy handed her and settled back with nervous excitement or dread she was not really quiet sure which.

Mandy said quietly "I don't know what brought you here but what I do know is John would have found you eventually if things carried on the way they are … he does not know when to quit, he's proved that and you were the one thing that kept him alive. His brother allowed him to keep a photo of you with him but unfortunately it was taken away from him near the end … He believes in your love for your family and how that affects you and them, so you will have to think very carefully before you make up your mind. … You must put aside any feeling of guilt about not knowing of the switch between brothers … your lack of knowledge is the thing that has kept you, your family and friends alive and will do so. In this case Meg, knowledge is deadly."

Meg shivered at her words and nodded.

As Jackie took her own cup of tea she butted in her enthusiasm bubbling up to the top and over. "Mum you should have seen them in the café … Meg came in wanting to plug her laptop in to tell the hotel about the car breaking down … can you believe it … then John came down the passageway … talk about stunned …no it was electrifying … one moment they could not believe their eyes, … Meg got angry thinking he was Derek and hit him. … He took it and held her hand and kissed her fingers looking into each other's eyes … they knew each other. I mean really knew each other Mum! … I've never seen him look that way before … it was so amazing then he told her to leave … but I could see his heart was not in it. Meg needs to know everything in spite of your confidentiality rule … you know he will not talk about it. She's not going Mum!"

Mandy gave her daughter 'a look' to make her cool down and nodded then smiled across at Meg who she could tell was feeling embarrassed now she knew some of the truth and said reassuringly. "I'm not surprised at that reaction Meg … you thought Ben was at Sunset Beach living happily with his wife and children and Derek was dead even though his body had never been found. … It must be a big shock seeing him. … Jackie wouldn't recognise you because John never discussed you in great detail as he did with me, … though your name would have cropped up because of his nightmares.

He knows our sessions would remain private in spite of our closeness. He's lost his trust in people Meg so only gives as little as necessary and only when he is sure of his ground and it's not too painful for him. … Thankfully he trusts our family, though you could say it was through necessity at first but now I think it is some thing stronger. He uses Jackie and Simon as a kind of buffer to the outside world, … they are his future I am his past and Jack is a slight mixture of both until now we have not really mixed them together..."

Jackie butted in as she suddenly remembered. "Oh! Mum … Dad mentioned something about Benjy being Maria and Derek's that shook Meg."

"Aah" Mandy exclaimed as she looked from her daughter to Meg who nodded confirmation. She saw a look in Meg's face and eyes and knew she needed confirmation before carrying on. "You're going to stay regardless of what you hear."

Meg nodded her thoughts and feelings had gradually grounded since she had arrived, 'the coming home' feeling had strengthened and she knew she could and would find away to explain her absence to her father without hurting his feelings or burning her bridges ... Ben ... John would not want it any other way and said. "I can work with Paul and wait if needs be … things have changed at home."

Mandy had got the confirmation she wanted and started gently but firmly. "You must not pity him Meg whatever happens. Like I said just now its Pandora's Box we don't know what will happen because by being here you mix his past with his future in one go. …He is still coming to terms with them both … In one of our sessions I asked him if there was anyone he felt he could still trust he named you and Casey, so I know I will not be breaking that trust, Jackie will have to know because she and Simon will have to handle the fall out … you Paul I will have to trust never to say anything to anyone outside this room unless we say so."

Paul nodded his understanding while Mandy paused and took a sip from her drink letting what she had said sink in; she knew there was going to a lot of heartache to come. "Right I'll go over things, I'll try and call him Ben for now but otherwise it is best to call and think of him as John, it's his name, as far as he is concerned Ben is gone." She thought for a moment and said gently "He's put all his past memories in a special place … not totally forgotten … it's not been easy for him Meg … now with you around he will bring them out. Perhaps it might be wise to keep them to this room and even then refer to him as John so you don't get caught out. … People here must not realise you have a past with him or questions will be asked.

From the sessions with Jo… Ben I know his brother Derek though twisted is very intelligent and has learnt from his mistakes. If he has the slightest idea his plan failed then everyone who Ben cares for in Sunset Beach will be hurt or die as well as Ben. Derek is quite capable of it especially as he has so much to lose now. Make no mistake he is a very dangerous person and that is why Ben must stay dead. … I expect Derek has been paying less obvious attention to you over the previous months but once he sees you are settled and happy he will want to find out who it is and where … if you just disappear he will try and find you … unfortunately he has the money to do so. So we will have to think of a very plausible cover story based in truth but that can be for tomorrow."

She turned her full attention on Paul, who had been quietly sizing her up wondering if he should say anything and she spoke to him just before he decided what he wanted to say. "Paul, you met him as Peter in New York, he gave you the club and disappeared."

He nodded Mandy paused then carried on. "He valued your friendship deeply, he needed you as much as you needed him … two lost souls for a while … He disappeared because he saw Derek in the city and knew for your sake and his own he had to move on immediately. Briefly, not long before he met you, he left his home and family, there was a friendly agreement he should live in America and Derek would have the family firm and live in England. They were a well off family so Ben was given his part of his inheritance early … unfortunately Derek took some of it in payment for his parents safe keeping, and told Ben never to contact his parents or return home again in return he would leave him alone. … Apparently his parents thought Derek might do something like that so allowed for it and although not obvious they said their final farewells to Ben then.

He came into America using his own name then changed it immediately hoping to disappear in the big city; he was not ready to move too far away from his home country even if he could not go back. His parents died while he was working in New York … a notice was put in their local paper, a copy was sent regularly to a box number … Ben arranged for someone pick it up and send it on to him so Derek could not trace him that way. By the time he found out he knew Derek would be off the leash and sure enough Derek came after him … he never received the rest of his inheritance Derek took it to fund his schemes. The whole experience shook him so much he never returned to England not even after he thought Derek had died. … He knew changing names had not worked so he kept his name and hoped Derek would get tired of the game and leave him alone."

She paused seeing Paul nod slightly as things fell into place and brought the story forward. "As for Sunset Beach well he had nowhere else to run, in front of him was the Ocean, you see his brother had not got tired of the game, just got better each time. … Like a stalker using odd threats, midnight phone calls etc every time Ben show signs of settling down. Nothing so drastic as attempted murder or accidents not even a letter … there were times when Ben found he had withdrawn an amount from his account usually at a time he had no witnesses to say he could not have done it himself. So he knew his brother was around and had exacted payment. … Of course Ben knew the impossibility of trying to find prove it was his brother … you would have to restrict one brother, even lock him up till the other one was found. … As Ben would have made the accusation he would be restricted leaving Derek to disappear for months or years or till it was dropped then everything would be back to square one again. So he ran to protect his friends and himself … it was second nature to him, Derek was the dominant twin the one in control.

To Derek … Ben was a money making machine, he wanted more so the machine needed to be somewhere stable for a while and then when the time was right he would move in for the whole lot."

Mandy paused for a moment; from their body language she knew Paul and Meg were uneasy and things were not going to get any better.

"Sorry Meg this is going to hurt, but it is in the past and nothing can change it. ... … Derek knew the kind of women his brother liked after all he had pinched them off him enough times when they were growing up. … … So unknowingly Ben fell out of the frying pan into the fire when he arrived at Sunset Beach, he believed his brother to be dead and decided to put his family to rest only mention his parents if really pushed. He relaxed found he was accepted as a shy foreigner who would listen and help. He met Annie knew her type and then he met Maria … her beauty and charm as well as her willingness to stand up to her brother about Ben's need for privacy got his trust and love. …… I hesitate to use the word love on Maria's part she saw him as a good catch … the kind rich handsome stranger … and she knew just how to play him … he was vulnerable after his brother's death and wanted a family's warmth. Unfortunately for him just when he thought he found happiness and a family as well as somewhere he could now call home the trap was slowly closing around him.

With hindsight we know Derek did not die in fact he was in Seattle with Tess, they were a couple then; it was only after the supposed drowning that things changed and Tess sensibly stepped aside accepting money as a reward, I think you can say Tim came as an added bonus."

Meg gave a quiet gasp and shiver as she listened, Paul stayed quiet but edged a bit closer to her, Jackie silently watched the couple and understanding a lot more about her patient and her parents love for him.

Mandy waited a moment then carried on. "We know the three of them arranged everything that happened from then on. Things did not always go as planned but their money machine was still healthy, working and could be taken again when required. Derek loved watching his brother go through hell … as far as he was concerned the worse things got the more his brother made. … You see it was meant to have been Ben who drowned not Maria, not that she did either, but he survived thinking he had lost someone he loved so lived the only way he knew when he had been hurt. … Closing down part of himself and building up the barrier between him and the world, then start up a new chapter … each time it took longer to recover and he was less willing to trust the world around him. You came along Meg and he surprised himself by opening his heart, you made him feel safe enough to move on and even possibly reveal some of his past to you, so it was time for his brother to move in again.

Derek was given the golden opportunity when Ben bought the island for you. You, Mark, Casey and Tim were meant to be the victims, serial killer at large … numbers did not really matter as long as he got some the prime targets. If he had got them all Ben would have been left alive but heart broken from the loss, Maria would have turned up saying her memory had just returned, then Tess and Benjy would have been introduced and explained. Maria and Tess would have thrown up a protective curtain around Ben and some when a long the line Ben would have quietly disappeared and Derek would have taken his place."

Meg sat listening in disbelieve and yet taking it in and feeling shivers run through her body, unconsciously glad Paul was beside her.

"It did not quiet work out so Derek kidnapped Ben in the warehouse and tried to get the account codes while fooling you and hurting Ben at the same time. He underestimated his brother's love for you and his determination in the fight … luckily Casey came along and found Ben but not Derek who was also unconscious in the other room." Mandy smiled "That could have been interesting … but unfortunately Ben was never well enough to warn anyone or protect himself from the other kidnapping when Derek took you to the cabin. I think Derek was rather taken by you especially at the cabin. I don't know what would have happened if he had left with you … instead you gave him a headache and the knowledge there was something very special between you and his brother. As you know he tried to take Ben with him when he fell down the cliff luckily Ben managed to get back up but unfortunately Derek bounced into the water floated to safety, and then went back to Seattle.

While that was going on they lost Maria because of the accident at Dana's Point, her memory loss was real but only for a time … Derek had been injured in the fall so Tess and Derek put things on hold, they kept an eye on things in Sunset Beach and when Maria did not manage to get back into the marriage Tess and Benjy were used as extra leverage as well as getting them in place for the final move. Maria's play for the divorce was timed to coincide with Tess and Benjy turning up it was to heighten Ben's guilt and help put Maria in the right light as far as other people were concerned. … Especially you Meg … you were known to respect 'the family unit' it would also add an extra barrier between your family and Ben. There was an added advantage because Derek knew his brother had been trying for a child with Maria so falling in love with Benjy would be the twist he wanted. … Tess and Maria arranged Benjy's kidnapping hoping it would start the crack in your relationship with Ben. … Knowing that Benjy was Maria's and Derek's nearly broke Ben, but he found a safe haven in his love for you Meg and it helped him through it all."

Mandy paused for a few moments to have a drink and to let everyone take in what they had heard. Meg sat looking at the table her mind spinning, she ran her fingers through her hair as she pushed back the idea she had about Benjy and everything around him because of Ben's letter and said shakily. "Surely Ben's headaches would have warned him, if Derek had been around Sunset Beach after the supposed drowning."

Mandy said gently. "Meg, Derek did not need to be there they had Carmen to rely on … how else would Derek have known about the island and have someone to stir Ben all the time."

Meg gasped in disbelief. Mandy ignored her for the moment and carried on. "We are not sure whether Ricardo was involved or whether he is a victim of his mother and sister's deceit. We know Antonio is not involved."

Meg exclaimed sharply. "Oh No! Surely not! He's a good cop he's had to fight Carmen to stay with Gabi." Suddenly realising the full implications what had been hinted at earlier. "You're saying she was in it from the very beginning! "

Mandy nodded. "When Gregory Richards first introduced Ben to Sunset Beach she had made the first move everything was done carefully they did not want to spook Ben. Gregory was not in on it either … he was played like the rest, he all ready knew Carmen and respected her and her family. Derek stayed in Seattle most of the time with Tess; I suspect he visited occasionally but kept his distance and made sure there was no twin connection made. Ben had headaches just the same as anyone else, the ones Derek gave him were worse because they did not go away, so the odd short one did not warn him at all. I would not be surprised if Derek had some kind of control over the headaches anyway."

Meg tried to understand it and said quietly almost to herself. "So Carmen knew Maria was alive and was in touch with her, how would she know about the island? He was so secretive about things."

Mandy answered gently. "Yes she was in touch gave them reports, no doubt Maria was when her memory returned. I don't think Ben realised how much influence his name had with people, he would never have consciously taken advantage of it and money is a very powerful inducement anyway … ... Meg, Carmen deliberately changed when Maria disappeared; she turned to the cards to give her the cover she needed. She knew about the island because, the wife of the owner was a client of hers. People talked to her, answered her questions without realising what was behind it, she could drop hints about Ben and people would pass them on etc. She could talk about Maria being alive knowing it would get back to Ben keep him on edge and she could stir Ricardo up when necessary especially around the anniversaries of Maria's so called death."

Meg shivered visibly but managed to keep quiet as Mandy continued.

"From what I know of Ben he has always been self contained. He hates talking about his childhood so it's extremely sketchy but he told me that around the age of 5 he was taken to his grandparents, Derek was not with him. I suspect Derek over stepped the mark unfortunately Ben ended up in hospital because of the separation. They must have realised he was dependant on his brother so he went back to his parents. There must have been ground rules because they lived as a family, goodness knows how the parents managed, and Ben went to University and made money. We have to remember that their way of living as a family with Derek around must seem strange to us … but it was right for him he's got no trace of being deprived of love from his parents. Somehow they must have managed Derek's hate of his brother or perhaps Derek hid it from them till they were adults."

Mandy paused and got herself another drink, knowing this bit in some ways would be worse because Meg had been taken in by the charade. She walked back to her seat everyone else had taken the opportunity to make themselves comfortable knowing there was more to come.

"As for going to Seattle that was also part of their plan, Tess made sure her behaviour alarmed him enough to do something himself, but not enough to involve anyone else. Maria also gave a push when she pretended she wanted to go to Seattle then decided against it. The million-dollar scheme you and Sara heard about through Tess and Tim was also part of the plan, she knew it would get back to Ben through you or Sara and if need be could be used in several ways to get money. Oh by the way Tim was not involved in all of it but he was involved in a charade played out at the Casita."

Meg looked at Mandy with added interest her mind was spinning guessing what was coming.

"Ben didn't know about it till his brother bragged about it … he knows there was a lot of fall out from this for you and him. I think you both went down your own black holes and crawled out the only way you could, unfortunately Ben was pushed in the wrong direction and bulldozed into help he did not need." Meg nodded as things began to add up and Mandy carried on gently not wanting to make things too public. "Tess gave Tim things from the house so he could dress the Casita up to tell a lie, Benjy unwittingly played his part and it all helped to break your love for Ben and widen the rift between you which was never allowed to close. Ben regrets his actions you know that don't you and he understands and accepts yours."

Meg nodded and wiped away a tear, which she could feel trickling down her cheek.

Mandy gave her a moment then carried on. "Ben wanted to clear things up, but he saw his future slipping away from him no matter how hard he tried to keep you. Having lost his family he wanted to keep both his Sunset Beach families, one lot as future in-laws the others as friends because of his son, and understood your father's fears and your love for them. He knew to be accepted by Hank he would have to come to his new family with his old family completely settled. Unfortunately you left him and for obvious reasons he could not split his friends and he'd lost Gregory who he might have talked to as he could not talk to Antonio. So he had to face it alone, which was of course second nature to him.

Derek kidnapped him on the day he arrived in Seattle. Ben managed to look round the hospital and was going to look at Franklin Street. If he had made it to see the register of births, which he had planned to do … the truth would have been out and a phone call to the police would have settled everything. … He would have made sure you were safe before Maria and Tess were arrested but of course he did not know about Derek who would have no doubt disappeared. Perhaps Maria or Tess might have betrayed him to make things look better …who knows? But he didn't get there and his brother told him everything later.

As you have gathered the twins have the same DNA, Derek is the father and Maria is Benjy's mother that must have worried them for a while because they can have different DNA. Benjy is about four months younger than marked on his birth certificate, that's another reason for the delay they had to make sure all the checks had been made and Benjy could just be thought of as a shy young boy. Apparently Maria had been using birth control when she was with Ben I don't think she wanted the competition of a child. Anyway Maria became Derek's love interest after the so called drowning and as I said Tess stepped aside knowing she was safe as she had been Derek's partner and was willing to take the money." Mandy's voice cracked so she drank her tea as she did so there was a tense silence in the room.

Meg felt like screaming but all that came were tears and then sobs as she tried to breathe as she remembered all the pain they had been through and how Ben had loved Benjy. She felt Paul's hand on her shoulder and accepted his support as Mandy carried on.

"Ben was kept in a basement in chains no comforts at all and with two jailers to make sure he did not escape. Derek was prepared this time, they were paid half a million dollars then and five million when the whole thing was completed. One was similar in looks and build as Ben, which was important for later on; the other was a friend of Derek's and owed him a debt. Derek drugged Ben to get all his memories and left him in Seattle as insurance; in case he wanted a body he could call Derek. Before he left he told Ben everything including his future plans.

Ben's main worry apart from everyone's safety was a letter he sent you Meg explaining his true feelings and how it could endanger you or your families lives. Derek knew about it, and wrote you another letter hoping it would cancel out the first."

Meg's voice was shaky, "I received Derek's letter all right, and it worked if it was meant to keep me away from him. Ben's was delayed I opened it when I was working in Boston not long ago. … I realised I had driven Ben away! …" She was silent for a moment hurting and furious for herself and Ben then exclaimed. "You mean Derek told Ben everything then left him knowing he was to be killed when it suited Derek! … …Now Derek's going to get away with everything!"

Mandy's voice was gentle but firm. "Meg as long as Derek thinks his reason to hate is dead … he will leave everyone in Sunset Beach alone and get on with his life … to be honest I don't think Derek realises the danger he is in…"

Meg hit back not letting her finish. "No danger at all by the sounds of it Mandy! … They are evil surely something can be done, Ben could go and face his brother! We can make a case before he gets to Sunset Beach! I can testify! Paul can help!"

Mandy was not surprised by this reaction and kept her voice firm. She had not wanted to give her all the facts but Meg needed to know just how Derek worked. "No Meg. Derek knew the only way to bring Ben down was to take everything away from him, he had learnt by his mistake in the warehouse. He did not use drugs to kidnap Ben he used Ben's respect for life and reluctance to see anyone else hurt. He knew Ben would rather die than be kidnapped again or let his brother win. Derek could not risk that … without information into his brother's accounts he would be back to the warehouse situation. … Ben never let Maria anywhere near his financial deals so she could not be the way in he had hoped and as far as Maria knew you didn't know either so they could not use you."

Meg silently gulped at the thought letting Mandy carry on.

"Derek had been told which plane Ben was on and had the two men follow him. Derek knew Ben had a soft spot for Benjy, so he set things up near the house in Franklin Street. … Ben had little warning of his brother's presence, he'd had a mild headache but he told me he had that mixed with an uneasy feeling ever since he left Sunset Beach and put it down to stress, which was understandable. The first he knew differently was when a man came up beside him and pointed his brother out by name while the other man came towards him, to anyone looking on it was just three men meeting and talking. Derek was a little way away and across the road talking to a woman while holding a young boy, the boy was younger than Benjy and enjoying the attention. Unknown to the mother but so Ben could see Derek had a small knife in his free hand ready to use it to kill the child if Ben decided to make a fuss, of course the mother was in danger as well … Derek could not leave any witnesses.

Ben understood the intention and knew the threat would be carried out so had to give himself up to the two men beside him and allow himself to be handcuffed to one and walk quietly to Derek's house in Franklin Street. … It was a simple but powerful way to start stripping Ben of everything he was. … Derek stayed with the group till he knew Ben was in the basement … after that he took his name and everything else away from him, making Ben earn his food and water by compliance and silence. He had no right to privacy or silence around him either, one false move and it was taken away from him or he was beaten. There was also the knowledge of a threat over everyone at Sunset Beach.

Derek knew Ben could chip away at the jailers ... get them to turn … so made he Ben a thing worth five million dollars not a person who could pay for freedom. The jailers could not turn against each to get the five million instead of the two and half each there were rules and they had to follow them in order to get the money. One wrong move by them and it was gone and they would be left facing serious charges and death.

Because of what happened to Ben he cannot travel, it's not a simple phobia that can be worked through, it's there and he has to accept it and so does everyone else. We had to put him in an ambulance not long ago, he closed down and his heart stopped in seconds … we were lucky to get it going again. That's why he travels as he does, possibly in future he can ride a horse but that will depend on what he finds out today and if he walks. He does not like lifts or small rooms hence the apartment, stress triggers nightmares etc so we keep things calm, he is still recovering from his ordeal. As for confronting Derek even from jail he could make life hell for Ben, it would go through every court Derek could think of and Ben could not do that. I know its wrong but this way Ben knows he can live here as safe as he can be and he deserves that chance."

Mandy paused she could see Meg shaking from what she had heard and wondered whether to leave the rest, Meg looked at her and sensing her indecision and gave a little nod, in that moment Mandy realised Meg need to know the whole truth and carried on. "Meg, Derek fabricated a few lies about things happening in Sunset Beach one was your relationship with Casey … Ben believed you were engaged to be married. … When he nearly died in the accident he had what we call an experience … he visited you and said goodbye to you. … He saw you asleep on a sofa somewhere he did no recognise. He had been on drugs …"

Meg remembered the dream and softly interrupted. "No, it was not the drugs if it was just after Christmas. I was sleeping on the sofa in my apartment and I felt him say goodbye to me. Go on I need to know everything!" She ran her fingers through her hair, taking a few deep breaths to steady herself and rested back feeling Paul silently beside her.

Mandy knew that Meg was stronger than she looked and understood how Ben lost his heart to her. "Okay … Ben was kept isolated regarding time and exact dates of things. Derek had photos taken of you and Casey together looking at a ring outside jewellers, and just to prove Ben was not missed there were events showing everyone mixing in having fun, as well as his own family group. There was also a newspaper article, which was dated to give it authenticity, it showed your engagement to Casey giving details of the celebration and the writer was a friend of Ben's so he would know it was real. It was in fact Sara's engagement to Casey the article and photo had been altered but you could not tell it was fake …it was done on the right paper … so you see he can be very devious.

Instead of hurting Ben it brought comfort but he never showed it to his jailers as far as they were concerned Ben was very distressed. He did feel sorry for Sara, as he knew she loved Casey very much. … When Ben visited you in the experience he saw your wedding dress hanging on the wall he did not recognise the apartment and assumed it was a friend's so you and Casey would be separate on the night before the wedding. Nor did he know the person who disturbed you."

Feeling hot and cold at once Meg gasped, "He saw my bridesmaid's dress for Michael and Vanessa's wedding and Simon on the stairs. I had it again a while ago but this time I was watching it all and saw Ben as he stood over me."

Mandy smiled as she shook her head in amazement and carried on. "Jack and I ran checks about Sunset Beach on the Internet we could not go closer because of Ricardo and found out you were not married to Casey and realised Derek had forged your sister's engagement party article. As you can imagine Ben is very pleased for Casey and your sister. Because you seemed to have made a new life for yourself and was seeing someone Ben decided it was best you never knew about him. He did not want to be a burden and have you live away from your family keeping secrets nor did he expect them to leave Sunset Beach after everything they have been through. … Of course if they and you suddenly moved it would have warned Derek something was up and he would have started looking for the reason. … He will not to put any pressure on you to stay no matter how much he wants it. You will have to give up a lot and so will your family if you are separated from them."

Meg nodded she felt battered and swamped by the information but knew she was staying if he wanted it, if he didn't she'd have to find a way of converting him. She knew the hardest part would be to prove to him it was not out of guilt or pity that influenced her decision. And then somehow eventually she might be able take the guilt from his shoulders as well.

Mandy was about to carry on when Jackie said quietly "I need a five minutes break Mum." Without waiting for her mother to agree she got up and pressed a button on the panel on the walls and the curtains quietly closed.

Meg decided to take advantage of the break and got up.

Jackie called back as she made her way to her own apartment "The orange button next to the door on both sides lets you in and out Meg … don't get lost in there though."

Meg looked at her for a second and realised her unasked question had been answered though she was puzzled about the getting lost part and made her way to the bathroom.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

Eight minutes later Jackie came back and with a grin commented "You did not get lost then."

Both Paul and Meg laughed but Meg answered "No didn't realise it was so big though."

Jackie chuckled and explained. "It's extended outwards to cater for upstairs and our needs. As you can guess its good for showering Shep as long as we shut the door. So Mum ready to continue?"

Mandy smiled and nodded knowing the break had done them good and started. "We are not sure how Ben came over the mountains whether he was flown to a small airport this side of the mountains or he was driven via one of the passes. Jack found an old unclaimed plane in a small private airport further down the valley, but we could not risk asking too many questions so we're not be sure whether its connected to Ben or not and its been destroyed now. Whichever way he was transported it would have been rough for him. They'd hooked him on drugs before they left Seattle so he remembers the highs and the cravings as well as being confined a space and movement as well as what could have been an engine running. Time meant nothing to him but he does have impressions of having drinks and people laughing, but everything is so jumbled we don't know what is real and what isn't and we can't push it to find out.

How we found him …. It was winter so there was snow and ice and there was an accident on the road just north of here going towards the Canadian boarder involving a car, a van and a large heavy truck, the type that have space under the container part. He was in the van, which was partly under the truck and the other car had hit the van so it was a right tangle. Jack was helping getting things off the road, the car was moved and dealt with first, then the truck driver and the van was left to last because the driver and passenger were obviously dead and to move it would endanger the trapped truck driver.

There's a lay-by nearby big enough for a helicopter to hover and pick up, so they flew the injured out and set about moving the truck and the van. You saw what the roads are like, fairly narrow and twisty so it took time and they had to make the vehicles safe as they moved them. There was no hope of finding anything about the van driver and passenger from the front of the van as everything was squashed and messy. While Jack and another officer were waiting for the flatbed truck to pick the van up they decided to try and force the rear doors open and see if they could get some information that way. Which was lucky as what they found under debris was tied up, gagged and blind folded unconscious badly injured male. Definitely not a willing passenger, so Jack radioed his injuries but not where he was found and the helicopter returned and he was flown to our hospital barely alive.

It's a small hospital and rescue centre for the mountains and because the other casualties had been flown to the other hospital further down the valley they knew it was a 'call out' job. We have an emergency system that means the equipment is here ready for use and the specialists come in from both sides of the valley. They have helicopters so they were coming in by the time Ben had arrived. Our nurses are specially trained to cope with ordinary nursing, surgery and ICU but they can also bring in any other staff they think fit. My brother was the Doctor in charge so we had no problem with him and Jack used his contacts so he could cut the red tape and our unknown male was put into a variation of a witness protection scheme and the shutters came down around him.

We named him John Doe as it is the usual practice with unknowns and hoped he could fill us in if he lived. If he had died his DNA would have been recorded and put on a missing person file and questions asked. If nothing found he would have been buried in our churchyard as an unknown but not forgotten by us or police records."

Mandy paused for moment knowing it was a lot to take but she didn't want questions and carried on gently. "Derek had it all planned; thankfully one of the kidnappers had written things down so we knew what was going to happen and followed the plan to the letter. We did not have the names Ben and Derek or Sunset Beach, but we had the others names and addresses which were of course false and didn't trace back to Seattle either.

Ben came out of his coma towards the end of January and he accepted the name John but could not tell us much at first. Over the coming months we straightened out his mind … trouble with the drugs and the head injury. To cope with his other injuries they had to keep him still and put him in a frame, … it all took time to heal and of course he had to deal with not being able to walk … as well as the possible deterioration of his condition due to a small piece of metal near his spine. That was taken out end of June, so July he was flat on his back again … then just recently he has started to get some feeling back in his legs … hopefully he can think about walking again if not he knows he has a home where he can live fairly independently."

Her voice became gentler less of the doctor giving family the hard facts more of someone talking about family or close friend. "We adopted him as one of us, you could say Jack and myself are his guardians as well as his shrink, Jackie and Simon are not only his nurse and legs but close friends. To keep him busy and make him part of the town he's a part-time partner in the computer club and keeps an eye on shares etc. … But, he has a long way to go both physically and mentally Meg … it's not going to be easy especially with you around.

Mandy gave half a smile adding. "He's got a foul temper, gets very frustrated, tired, goes very quiet for hours … Jackie's nicknamed him her volcano which just about sums him up … but when he's okay he can be a very charming and gentle person … he might not trust people but people trust him. He tends to hurl angry words across the room rather than plates, after Jackie complained about the mess and the expense! "

Meg could not help smiling at the description, she hoped the gentleness was her Ben but realised he was right when he said she would have to get to know him as John and then hesitated as she asked. "Will he be all right?"

Jackie smiled and answered "Hopefully he could be walking with some help by December /January, whether he will be able to walk as much as before I don't know. We've always worked on his leg muscles as best we could, it's his back that needs the work if he is given the all clear. Then perhaps his overall strength will come back as well but we don't know that either."

Meg sighed understanding things would not have a definite answer and realising an awful lot else said quietly. "He's lost so much, all he's worked for and everyone was against him … it's so unfair. … … We had no chance." Then asked knowing she had to know even if she didn't like it. "If they had succeeded what would have happened to him?"

Mandy sighed and smiled looking at the pair gauging their feelings. She reckoned Paul was a bit too quiet, taking everything in and having waves of anger, which she hoped would not boil over into a problem. As for Meg well she could see her love for Ben and understand the reason for her question so she answered it gently knowing it would be painful for both of them. "He would have gone to a cabin just outside a small town in the Canadian mountains for a couple days or so, though I doubt he would not have seen or known much about it."

She was interrupted by Meg's gasp of "Where."

She was surprised she wanted that much detail but answered immediately. "On the edge of the National Park near Milk River why?"

Paul and Meg looked at each other and Paul found his voice, which was steady if a little husky. "We were going there for a long weekend; Val won the trip but could not go!"

Jackie could not help herself and almost bounced up and down as she exclaimed. "Mum!"

Mandy gave a shake of her head at the coincidences that were mounting up and ignored her daughter and said. "Then you can see why it was chosen. … He would have just one extra lost soul who wanted to say goodbye to this world in a beautiful place. They had the choice of making him a walker they'd picked up on the way and then dropped off at the chalet or he was someone who'd hired a car driven to the chalet and done the deed. The jailer who looked like Ben had false documents and would do everything while the victim was hidden till the right time. His actions would provide the proof that that the body found later had been the person alive walking and or driving in the hills. … Also he'd died because he wanted to and not due to foul play. The men would have used the van to move on either in Canada or back to the States it was a common work's van with tools and things in the back seen around the area.

Ben's body with or without the car would have been found a couple days or possibly weeks later, the fall and or time would have taken care of the differences and people's memories. Obviously it snows so tracks could be lost and the body might have been covered till the thaw. They would have chosen one of very quiet walks. Everything pointed to him being a loner so his body would have been cremated, ashes scattered and a small mention in the paper. There would have been no reason to look any further afield for information or distant relatives."

She paused for a moment to let that bit sink in then added with a slight twinkle in her eyes. "In fact that is what happened and as far as everyone is concerned it all worked well."

At their puzzled expression she added. "As soon as Jack worked out what it meant he and a fellow officer made sure everything looked like it actually happened including an article about the cremation in the paper.

A copy of the paper was sent to a box number as requested in the written notes. If anyone came to check it out the local officers would give the right answers and quietly take notes or photos and get back to Jack. No one came asking. The bank account belonging to the jailers was wired the right amount so our story was accepted and as per instructions the two disappeared along with the money. The jailers' remains were cremated and their ashes scattered. The money went into an account to pay for Ben's treatment and set him up here." She smiled added softly. "Ben got cheeky and got himself a bonus in June."

Meg looked at Mandy thinking about it all then smiled as the penny dropped and said. "You mean another five million dollars, just after Sammy was born." Mandy nodded and Meg exclaimed with a slight touch of delight. "Oh No! Derek was hopping mad according to Sara, he went to the police but they could not find anything."

Mandy couldn't help smiling either. "I must admit it was dangerous but Jack and John could not resist it, and nothing could be traced back to us here Jack made sure of that. Derek had the choice he could have left well alone but he did not, and lost."

Meg said feeling slightly better knowing he had got something back. "It's still not fair on Ben, why cannot he live as himself here its far enough away surely?"

Mandy nodded and answered. "Someone could get nosy, people are travelling more these days and then it will all suddenly start again. Derek will never stop. John knows it is marginally safer under an assumed name as Derek is not looking for him. He never goes out without his glasses and with the grey in his hair gives him a slightly different look and the wheelchair helps as it disguises his real height.

Of course, he's not been out very much anyway that will change as he gets stronger or on his feet and we will protect him as best we can. As far as most people round here know he had a motorcycle accident further down road just as the men were clearing up the other accident, he's lost most of his personal memories so no-one asks him about the past. His money comes from the cheques he was carrying on him and of course everyone assumes as we are looking after him he is not a fugitive from the law.

The record of the van in the accident has been changed with police knowledge; they also made sure the insurance claims for the other vehicles went through all right and quickly. He can legally live here as John Smith, his only regret is leaving you and his friends behind and that has been holding back his recovery."

She paused and knowing some of Meg's family history said gently. "I'm sorry Meg but you can not marry him and you can only live with him as an unmarried couple I don't know how you feel about that, also you will have to be very very careful if and when you return to Sunset Beach."

Although on one level Meg was still coming to terms with what she'd been learning on the other level she knew what she was going to do. So her voice was firm when she spoke her thoughts. "I'm staying whatever happens. I can visit everyone on short stopovers they don't know where I live." she signed and admitted, "Dad was being a real pain so I gave them an email address and if I need to ring I ring Casey at the Centre or I can contact my old boss in Seattle. Friends and family have my mobile phone number but I can change that." She gave a gentle huff as she carried cross with herself. "I should have realised earlier how much I loved Ben and stayed with him then things would have been different we could have fought back together."

Knowing the truth Mandy reassured her gently, "You had too many things against you Meg, you would have been killed, and remember they tried once on the island. Paul what about you?" she asked waiting for the big bang as Paul had gone back to being way too quiet for her liking.

Paul took a moment to answer his voice shook at the beginning showing his feelings were on a tight leash. "To be honest I feel like going down there and blowing the whole damn place up people included. But I shall calm down sometime soon, mainly because I understand the reasoning behind it. … And I owe Peter, John whoever, my start in business and life so yes whatever it takes. Mat's or Robert's organisations might be able protect Meg when she goes to Sunset Beach and keep an eye on things if she does not want to return or when she's not."

"That sounds interesting." Came from the doorway, everyone turned surprised at Jack's quiet entry they had expected Shep to bark and bounce his usual welcome.

Jack came towards them looking at the man he did not recognise asking. "You are?"

"I'm Paul a friend of … um John but I knew him as Peter when I was in New York." He smiled as he ended.

Jack raised an eyebrow while glancing at Mandy who nodded and spoke "I have not told them that bit." She found the couple looking back at her expectantly so said. "The name Derek gave John to be killed with was the same one he used in New York. Derek's a tidy bastard."

Paul and Meg were speechless feeling slight cramping in their stomachs as Jack quickly added in a firm tone aimed at the man he didn't know rather than Meg. "And a very dangerous one because he's learnt from his mistakes and is very intelligent and has everything to lose."

Jack then smiled at his wife seeing her silent message and carried on in a gentler tone. "The door was not shut properly, Shep's with John … they're in the garden area near the stables he needs a while to think. Simon's dealing with Sandy so should be in soon. … Obviously you've been talking so I take it that means Meg is staying."

Meg nodded and Jack gave a chuckle and carried on. "Good … Jackie could you take a mug of tea out to him and tell him Meg's here."

Jackie nodded but asked, her voice showing her concern. "What's the verdict Dad?"

Jack gave a concerned smile as he answered knowing he was not betraying his friend. "Good but I think he's a little afraid … and seeing Meg has quite frankly scared him … scared me too if I'm honest.

The treatment you'll have to start is all in the files on his chair, the workmen will set up some bars in the work area here. They and the other equipment will come late tomorrow morning. You'll have to decide whether to use the 'hard bed' or set up a new one for massage... He is not to twist his back and not to use the brace so it's handling with great care again. …Which will frustrate him no end … big down point is he will have to close the club till Terry comes back. The specialist thinks doing both will be too much at first, especially as he is feeling pain with the general sensation and he is not sure whether if its in the mind or physical. So you will both have to work on that."

Jackie gave a quiet exclamation as she moved to get the drinks ready. "Damn! I forgot about the pain! Why can't he say ouch instead of hiding it? … Which room did they use?"

Jack grinned "The large waiting room and the specialist brought some new portable equipment with him so John didn't have to be sedated to get the information ... It's nice to see they are learning to come out of their shells a bit."

Jackie laughed, "So he was not quiet so stuffy then…"

"No we had a long chat as well."

"Good. We can keep the cafe part open all right but none of the staff know computers well enough … perhaps we could find someone who could do till Terry returns?"

"What kind of help is needed?" Paul asked curiosity working its way through everything as well as a flicker of an idea.

Jackie explained. "Kids come in and do school work or play on the games if they don't have a machine at home. Then there are the adult sessions in the morning and afternoon. This town is too small to have just an Internet café by itself so we run it as club for anyone who wants to join. There are other things going on such as board games and there's a yard out back for ball games, the other helpers cope with that it's the computers that need the specialist help which is difficult to get at short notice."

Meg looked at Paul who nodded knowing they both had the same thought and let her do the talking. "We've set up offices in the town further down the valley that's what was so aggravating this morning; we were so close to home when the car broke down. I'm sure we can do something with the computer side of the club after all we are not due back till sometime Tuesday … I can get to know Ben as John it's what we both need to do. If he needs time I can go back with Paul to work and wait."

Mandy said firmly but gently. "It has to be his choice though Meg and you understand fully what you are giving up. He can not carry any more guilt for your loss of family."

Jack added, "Meg your sudden change of plans could start something off that will lead Derek here."

Meg kept her voice calm as she explained. "I know it has to be his choice. But I've been moving around recently so it will not come as a shock to the family. … For me … I'm gaining my real life back. Don't get me wrong I would have been reasonably happy if we had driven into Canada etc then gone back to my new home. Paul has a fiancée and I'm helping starting up the new office and finding new friends, but now I have a second chance with him, when we were in the café I felt as though I was coming home and that's something I have not felt in along time."

She paused for a short moment and voiced the truth. "In fact I feel similar to the way I felt when I first went to Sunset Beach in search of a dream and before my parents came. I know I sank back into my old ways I will not this time because it's deeper stronger and perhaps I have changed and understand it and me better. If I visit my family I will be carefully I can say I'm near Boston whatever I need!! I love John and if that's what it takes to be with him then I do it." She got up and smiling at Jackie added. "I'll take him the cup of tea if you don't mind."

Jackie nodded and smiled then looked at her parents for confirmation they nodded and Meg noted the reaction and realising she was not treading on anyone's toes. They'd expected it.

While pouring out the two mugs of tea and pushing one towards her father Jackie bubbled happily saying. "That's fine send Shep in if there is any trouble. I suggest you stay at the hotel its Mum's workplace and home … that will give you both the space you need. John has an alarm as we have to help him in the night and in the mornings so he will not be alone tonight. If needs be Simon or I can sleep in here I think it could be a rough nigh as John has a lot to come to terms. So don't worry if he turns you away today you can see him in the morning before we go up to the café and talk things over then. It might be wise if Paul sees John in the morning though, one new face at a time!"

Meg collected the cup and started to giggle as Mandy said to her daughter. "Hey boss boots! Adding with a sigh. "I don't know, suppose that's what comes of having a doctor and police officer as parents."

Jackie looked at her mother in disgust, as her mother carried on. "I want to hear how on earth they came here and no way is John going to be able to sleep tonight not knowing. So, we'll get things in from the car, Paul's can go to the hotel. Meg's can stay here for the moment and we can see about getting something to eat and you can fill Simon in as well."

Jackie sighed, "Okay Okay and you say I'm bossy! … Oh I've got some of Meg's things in the trunk." She smiled as the connecting door opened "Hi Simon I'll grab you a cup of tea and fill you in… Dad unload the car for me and put the things in our downstairs spare room that way we can move them to the hotel later if needs be."

Jack took the keys his daughter held out to him and said with a tease. "Oh yeah mother like daughter all the way."

Simon nodded his agreement saying quietly "bossy" having no idea what had been said before.

Mandy and Jackie tried to look innocent, then folding into laughter along with Jack as he went towards the door.

Paul laughed suddenly feeling better knowing they had found his friend and he had good people around him.


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

Outside in the half-light of early evening Meg walked slowly and carefully trying not to spill the drink while letting her mind sort out all the information, her feelings and getting his name right. As she followed the pathway past the apartment and along the hedge she hoped it was right as she'd not seen him or anyone else though she could hear the horses in the paddock and movement from stables further on.

Then she noticed an archway in the hedge into a lighted area so walked through it and stopped taking in the beauty of the hidden garden. Wide paved pathways made their way through raised beds of bushes and flowers some were highlighted by lights others were shielded by bushes so they could be viewed from the opposite direction. She spotted him in an alcove facing away from her looking across the garden and smiled.

They looked so right together, Shep enjoying the attention as his master smoothed his back and occasionally scratched his ears. She could have stayed there longer in the comfortable silence but Shep slowly sat up then jumped down off the platform and stood at his master's feet watching them both. He stayed silent and with his tail wagging, head slightly cocked to one side it looked to her as if he was offering her his seat. Not wanting to disturb the comfortable feeling she took the cue from Shep and walked quietly towards them placing the cup of tea on the end of the platform before sitting beside John who had not moved at all.

Shep silently lay down putting his nose on his paws and watched the couple.

Meg was not sure how to break the silence, a casual greeting sounded wrong somehow and she knew what she wanted to say but wasn't too sure if she just came out it he would understand it or appreciate the whole meaning of it at the moment. He had to be feeling more than confused by her just turning up out of the blue. In the end she decided to take a leaf out of his book and let her touch say it for her after all it told her just who he was and how much he loved her.

So taking a breath she gently took his hand in hers ready for any sharp withdrawal and slowly raised it and gently brushed it against her cheek. As there was no sharp withdrawal she then put it to her lips kissing his fingers gently, she lowered it onto her other hand which lay on her lap and softly traced the edge of the leather strapping which protected his hand. Feeling his warmth and got that old love and security feeling she always had from him. … … … … … …

As soon as John felt Shep move under his hand it was as though time, the world and he stilled waiting for the silence to be broken. He didn't even realising his hand was still resting on the platform or that he was breathing. His mind raced busily and nervously discounting a stranger entering the garden as Shep would have got down and barked a warning for everyone to hear. If it was Jackie or her family Shep would have stayed on the platform, guarding his spot. He had done neither so it had to be someone he accepted and wanted to be beside him. It could not have been business either as Jackie would have announced it with a firm 'do it tomorrow and come inside now.' So she and the others had to approve of the visitor and allow that person to come alone - alone because there was silence.

His mind shouted Meg and spun in turmoil … the future with or without her … was she staying or was she here to say goodbye to his face … …she couldn't forgive his deceit … his brother's … Maria's … and his dishonour of Mark's murder ... … His mind jumped to the conclusion it would have been better if he had stayed strong and pretended he was Derek and sent her way. … But the pain in her eyes and the reminder of her touch as he held her hand shattered the barrier he had built around his heart once he knew he could not be with her …

Still not moving he heard the person come put something down and then sit beside him. He could not move to look and see his anxious churning mind would not let him. To do so would mean an answer.

Now as he felt her fingers on his hand his thoughts stopped then started again, it wasn't anything unusual … just the warm touch of skin touching skin, … a friend touching a friend … but as his hand was brushed against her cheek his body recognised more … lover touching lover, …and as the soft gentle butterfly kiss touched his fingers …much, much more … soulmate touching soulmate and his defences started to crumble again.

… … All the time she watched and waited half expecting him to withdraw his hand and tell her to go; instead she felt a gentle shiver run through him. She knew it was not disgust or rejection just one of realisation that she was here. It was not a dream about a half hoped for happening or nightmare about something that could not take place again. It was real his warmth to her warmth and his love to her love and he would have to face it.

He slowly turned his head to face her so they made eye contact but stayed silent... eyes watching eyes.

Knowing it was her turn to clear the air she said gently and honestly. "Before I can fully say goodbye to Ben there is something I need to say. I'm sorry for running out on you and not trusting you're love. I have changed … got stronger over the past months and today when I really saw you I knew where I want to be … even have to be regardless of the fallout.

Do you remember you once said you could not help loving me, you had no choice. Well now I know what that feels like … I love you I always will and I know you love me. … Our memories as Ben and Meg will never be completely forgotten, they are our beginning … this is our joining … our future.

I want to be here for you, because I love you and want to know the new you, just as I'm sure you want to know the new me. I will not run out on you or doubt your love for me ever again. We will work out a way to keep in touch with my family because I know we both want that. If you say you want me to go I will go but not to Sunset Beach you know I've moved on from there. I will keep in touch with Mandy and come back again and again till the time is right for us to be together." She stopped still not breaking eye contact and hoped he would understand all the things she could not say but meant. To go through the list she was sure would bring up bad memories and she did not want that.

He watched her all the time she spoke even in the half-light he could see her commitment, her love and feel the warmth of her hands on his. He could not stop the gentle shivers going through him as part of his mind got back into gear and listened to her. The other reminded him that he had sat here too scared to go in and find out if she had gone as he had asked her too or if she was waiting to tell him she couldn't live with his deceit, his brother's action and the pain of losing her family's love and trust to his face. Or lastly that she would accept him as he is and the loss of her family and still be his soulmate. His mind came back together telling him she love him and was asking him to forgive her… surely it was the other way around he had caused her all that pain.

Somehow his mind got together with his voice which to his surprise was soft but strong as he told her the truth. "All I ever wanted was your happiness … somehow you've come into the chaos of my life again … When I came back I saw the extra car but I could not come in … I was scared … scared you might want to reject me to my face because of the hurt I caused you and sacred you want to stay because if you do it will cause you hurt and pain in the future. … I'm sorry I was not always there for you as I should have been and the pain of all the lies they've told you about the Casita, the kidnapping and …."

Meg interrupted him gently knowing honesty was needed on both sides. "I should have trusted your love for me both times and all the time and I should have stayed beside you. I should have trusted Casey's word that you would never have taken Maria there or made love to her. I knew you respected your past with her and you kept telling me you loved me I should have trusted you and stayed beside you as you stayed beside my family and me when it was necessary.

I'm sorry I didn't … those memories and discussions are for later in the quietness of the apartment not for now. … Now we have to face the truth that we love each other, we trust each and we have a future whatever that maybe."

He gave a smile as he spoke his voice showing signs of his emotion but still was still steady knowing she would understand what he was talking about. "Through it all I thought of you and as long as you were safe I knew there was a chance … even in the darkest time our memories were with me. When I survived and I knew it might not be possible for us to be together … the price for my life … I was content to know you were happy, … you had your friends and family would be safe. I don't want you to lose them because of me." He could see as she listened to him she'd made up her mind, this was not just a whim … she was stronger than before. And to him it made her more beautiful than before and added knowing she would have to know the truth. "It's not going to be easy and I cannot guarantee anything but if you are willing to face a second chance then I am." He sighed and added. "Guess the first one never really had a chance."

Meg smiled hearing the love in his voice, and said gently knowing it would match his. "Not much of one, but we can put that right." Then she said in a slightly more serious tone knowing he would understand. "Hi John … I'm Meg I hear you need some help with your computer club. Well it so happens I know a bit about computers and a friend of mine knows even more and we would like to help if you will let us."

Feeling the ripple of warmth run through him he gently moved his hand in hers and guided to his face brushing it with a kiss then let it rest on the arm of his chair as he smiled and replied. "You always knew what to say and what I needed even if I did not realise it at the beginning. John was my father's and grandfather's name, Smith was my grandmother's maiden name on my mother's side." He turned more serious adding. "You've always respected the love and trust of your family, now I'm asking you to break it and perhaps leave them all together without letting them know the reason why, can you cope with that?"

Knowing what she did Meg realised how hard it was for him to ask her to do this, he had walked away from his family with their agreement … she was leaving hers without them agreement or understanding the true reason why. Without answering she shifted round so she could get the cup of tea with her free hand and felt his hand automatically realise hers. She handed him the cup and said gently but firmly. "Have your tea or Jackie will be cross."

It was not the answer he'd expected but it brought a smile and nod and obeyed letting her carry on. "I left Sunset Beach because Dad was being a pain … he was trying to rule my life as he had with Tim, this time when I found out I acted by leaving Sunset Beach. … Mum, Sara and Casey understood told me to take my time … purely by chance I ended up in Boston with a very good employer and the freedom was … is good for everyone not just me. I keep in touch by e-mail and the odd phone call they don't know my address and don't need to. …

I really do love you with all my heart and soul I know that now. John Smith is fine by me. Someone I met was given a second chance he took it and I'm taking mine. Not through guilt or duty but because I know I love you and I know you love me. I moved away because I thought it was right and I'm glad I did.

Strangely enough the more I moved away from home the more I've found out about you and my love for you. Your letter from Seattle found me a few months ago when I was in Boston. I read and decided to let things stay as they were because I believed you were happy with your family and we had made our decisions. The letter your brother wrote in your name I received in September and enabled me to move on and kept me safe as you hoped."

As John took it all in and remained silent for a moment then said quietly. "You said you didn't come alone … … I don't want to come between the pair of you. There are things I can not do Meg."

She smiled realising he was worried about hurting her again and knew her answer would be a shock and replied firmly but gently though her heart was fluttering wildly. "I know … Mandy has explained things. You're right I did not come alone he's my boss and friend; he has a fiancée about an hour away where we have set up a new office, it's part of a big organisation. I know you will like him and it will come as a shock because you know him in New York and he knew you as Peter. He wants to say thank you and help you. If it's too much now he will stay in the hotel and see you tomorrow, but I think you'll want to hear both our stories."

"Really!" John gasped at the surprise.

Meg nodded.

It took Ben a moment for it to really sink in the emotions and memories were coming back too quickly and he gasped out emotionally. "I missed him … felt bad walking out like that ... did he do all right?"

Meg said gently knowing his question was a good sign. "Oh yes" Then reminded him, "finish your tea before it gets cold" she carried on as he finished it. "And then we'll go in and tell you our story and sort things out for tomorrow. I don't have to contact Sara for a few days as she thinks we are in Canada ... the car broke down we got towed to the garage and they sent us to " She took the cup and got up finishing the bit of her story. "Mandy's hotel actually as the replacement will come in some time tomorrow morning."

They both smiled at the way of things and Shep got up wagging his tail and moved around them to make sure they were going to go in the right direction.

As she walked beside John out of the garden the automatically lights went out leaving them the subdue security lighting to guide them back to the apartment. Shep ran back and forth rounding them making sure his sheep didn't get lost, as they got closer he ran to the door and stood looking at it then looked back at Meg rather than his master.

Meg chuckled and took the hint and quickened her pace, on opening the door Shep gave a little bark rushed in while Meg stayed and held the door for John.

Feeling a hundred and one emotions John stopped just inside and looked at his old friend.

Paul was feeling nervous and happy at the same time had got up to greet his long lost friend and had made it to just past the kitchen are before stopping, a tad overwhelmed at seeing him.

Their smiles grew as they checked each other over and realised it was real, then Paul said quietly with a soft almost teasing tone he knew they'd both recognise. "You always were a lazy lad ... Come on! You're letting the cold air in."

John moved forward enabling to Meg close the door as Paul continued speaking still looking at his friend not willing to break eye contact now it had finally been made. "The women are in the other apartment finding more food … you know, we have a lot to catch up on."

John laughed and wheeled himself further into the room while gently teased back. "No more doorways then!"

"No way." Paul said with a laugh, and went back to the sofa and sat down while John eased himself expertly into the space between the two sofas.

Meg made her way round to join them realising that was why the sofas didn't have any armrests at that end.

Having run round Shep gave two small barks and went into the other apartment announcing their arrival or possibly demanding his tea.

In the kitchen area Jack and Simon glanced at each other then back at the group and then went back to warming the soup and sorting things out. Happy to eavesdrop as the threesome settled down, the smell of the warming soup made them all realise just how hungry they were.

Oxoxo

It was a drawn out evening meal as Paul and Meg told their stories and it would have carried on into the late night. But Mandy gently shooed her husband and Paul over to the hotel to sort things out for the night and got a promise from Meg she would follow a little later. With that Jackie and Simon took the hint and went to their apartment leaving the couple alone in the apartment.

Content Meg sat curled up on the end of the sofa resting slightly against John's chair, their hands resting on each other's in a comfortable silence watching the fire, with Shep asleep on the half rug.

John suddenly broke the silence with a quiet but firm. "I can't let you do this … your family, job everything you wanted … for me … I cannot travel, I nearly died last time I got in a vehicle."

Meg shifted so she could see him and replied gently but firmly, "I'm not going to give up everything, you heard what Paul said I can travel in one or two days a week, I'll help at the club if needs be or I can be a temporary PA for the local firms. Ben... John I meant it when I said I love you! ... I always have just did not realise how much. Be honest with yourself could you really stand me leaving you now we have met again."

He gave a slight smile and shook his head as she carried on truthfully. "I know I can't … If Sunset Sisters wins the competition I'll go back for a quick visit say 24 hours, collect my things and then go back Christmas or whenever Sara has the twins. I'm not leaving you! … Robert has offered me the use of the plane from Seattle to Sunset Beach, I can fly into Seattle quite easily … he stood by me when I left because of Dad the second time I trust him and his offer and it will not look odd or be talked about."

John sighed, he could see all the mountains and she was knocking them down, just like her touch and the fact she was here beside him. How could he ignore her amazing story, her face with her dark eyes glistening at him along with a hint of a smile that was defeating him and she knew it! He gave in with a gentle whine. "You're more stubborn than I remember … when I had arguments with you in the basement I used to win a few!"

Meg gave a gentle laugh which hid the shiver of what he must have gone through, which she knew he would never really talk about, then added gently. "You used to talk to me... That must have been very one sided."

He smiled and held her hand, watching her made him feel better but he knew she had to understand how things were now and would be in the future. "Pretty though, you used to wear all the clothes I liked you in, the night time memories were interesting too. I can't.."

Feeling a little embarrassed and yet wanting him to understand it was all right she butted in gently. "Hey, one thing at a time ... to the outside world we've only met today with an offer you could not refuse so we'll carry on from there. I will try and remember to call you John all the time, when I miss I can say I've got a lousy memory for names … in here we are as we used to be but better, it's you I want John … as you are. … … There is only one thing I want and that is when your brother dies he is buried as Derek and not Ben."

He was silent for a moment knowing she understood the implications and was accepting them and then said gently. "Yes I accept that. … Jack has my statement and the evidence … on my death everything would have been explained and my fortune would have been spread among everyone I knew in Sunset Beach. … I'll have to change some of that now. … Please understand about Mark's death and justice …

She stopped him knowing it troubled him. "We both miss him and we both know he would not want more pain to come from his death. You've honoured his name and that carries on regardless. He understands as I do and so will all his friends … who are your friends and when the truth is told many years from now they will know you … we did the right thing.

Her words helped but he knew he could never get rid of the guilt that his brother killed his friend and others and would not pay for his crime while he was living here. Mark had been her friend as well and if she could understand and accept it … some time in the future he might. Something had drawn them together again … he could not deny that … perhaps it was 'fate' as Mandy had said and he would have to play the cards 'she' gave him as he'd always done. His voice was loving and gentle. "Thank you … I cannot believe I've got you…. I keep thinking I'm going to wake up in a moment and find it all gone."

She smiled "I know the feeling but its not going to happen."

He smiled and this time it was in his eyes and in his whole body.

They looked at each other noticing the change and acceptance of the past and the beginning of a new future. He reached over and she to him and they kissed attentively at first then deeply, their connection wrapping itself around them.

Shep stirred on the half rug in front of the fire and there was a gentle knock on the connecting door.

Meg felt John's laugh go through him as they broke the kiss and she got up to answer the door.

"It never changes does it?" John said as she opened the door.

She looked back at him and replied with a knowing smile. "No but we know they are our friends."

Simon came in looking sheepish knowing he'd interrupted something and apologized. "Sorry, but Jackie said you should sleep now as tomorrow's going to be hard work. She's been looking through your notes with a sly grin on her face!"

John shook his head but was smiling and said hopefully, "Going to save me then?"

"Nope!" Simon said with a grin then turned to Meg. "If you want to Meg you can use our spare room rather than go to the house, we'll be in the other room it saves us running up and downstairs when we see to him during the night."

He walked purposely towards John, they were both the same age Simon was slightly taller and heavier built with chestnut coloured hair, good looking and had an air of command which he used now as he continued. "Shower then bed but no story for you tonight young man."

"Oh please!" John exclaimed.

Simon sighed and then said "By the looks of things you've had more than a story."

They looked at each other then laughed and Simon said "Say goodnight John."

Looking at him John shrugged his shoulder in defeat and huffed then at Meg and said "Goodnight."

Meg blew him a kiss and left them hearing banter and laughter and knew they had a deep friendship.

oxoxo

Jackie was waiting and showed her round their apartment bringing her back to her bedroom. Meg relaxed in the general chat about the rooms and her company and because it was just the two of them she now asked the questions which had been gently niggling her. "Why didn't he call me in the beginning … I could have found a way and come. … He said he nearly died when he tried to get in a vehicle was that the time Mandy mentioned?"

Jackie was silent for a moment then sat on the bed and Meg sat besides her knowing she'd tell.

Jackie started the story in around about way so she'd understand things better. "Umm We as in the hotel have several garden areas here some more hidden than others and one is John's favourite. It's the other side of the hedge and fairly close and very peaceful also has a view across the valley. There's a slope leading to some steps to get to it he would stay at the top if alone or Simon would take him down. …We've altered it now and added seats so he can go there anytime. … He would go there when the guests were on a trip or when we only had a few who would not bother him. On this day they had gone on a trip so there was no one around. … It was a beautiful late June day we thought he was fine he had just played the prank on Derek, but then he went quiet … that was not unusual either given his state of health. Good days … bad days just like everyone else really."

Meg suddenly remembered she had left Sunset in June and if he had been tracing her progress through the paper he would have lost her and gasped and the thought that crossed her mind and explained it to Jackie.

Jackie was silent for a moment thinking over the implications and the guilt Meg would feel if her thoughts were true which they weren't and gently explained. "While you were with John tonight Mandy told me a bit more about your history and his reaction as he was recovering. He loves you Meg wanted you to live your life in peace; he survived his kidnapping and the accident … he values life itself with all its twists good or bad. … He was most probably readjusting to you leaving Sunset Beach and in some respects it was a good thing. ... Granted he would have had to have traced you, but that would have been an added challenge. In his own quiet way he's a fighter Meg all ways will be. No doubt he would have found you sometime in the future once he knew he had one.

Jackie took Meg's hands as she carried on knowing she was realising what was coming. "Meg … you and your family's safety was one of the reasons he did not call you, you understand that." Meg nodded half dreading what was coming as Jackie added, "The other was because he was dying.

Meg shivered now it was out in the open; glad Jackie was holding her hands and let her carry on without interruption.

"He knew you had found a life without him and he was pleased … Mandy said he understood your acceptance of what you thought Ben had done. … He did not want you to have the heartache of finding out the truth then loving him only to lose him again. He knew the truth would have to come out, he had made Dad promise that after his death he would go to Sunset Beach, make sure you were safe and then clear things up. He knew that would mean Maria's arrest but hoped Ricardo and Antonio would look after the children. He knew his fortune would be tied up for a while but it would have come to you and Sunset Beach.

We've only known him a short while but the legacy he left us would have meant he was remembered with love regardless of any money he gave us. His fortune here saved the hotel, the grounds and a few other things for the town as well as letting him live the months he had left the way he wanted to. That was in quiet surroundings with our love and knowing you were safe and happy… this was to be his home and resting place, to Mum and Dad he's a son and to Simon and I a brother and we would never forget him."

Meg felt stunned and yet understood why her soulmate had not contacted her. Suddenly she had a picture in her mind, which made her give a gentle laugh and saw Jackie's puzzled expression and explained. "I suddenly thought of the phone call he would have made in the middle of the night. 'Hi its Ben not Derek can you pack and meet such a such plane to so and so in five minutes oh by the way don't tell your parents or Sara or Casey.' Or perhaps he might have said 'tell them but tell them to keep quiet.' I just wonder what my reaction would have been bearing in mind my reaction at the Café or Dad's for that matter."

Jackie smiled releasing her hands and Meg turned serious adding "I know he was right … If he had died on his own ... No he was not on his own … he had you and your family with him and that would have been some comfort to me … but I would have found it hard to live with…. I would have wanted to have been with him even for the short period of time … you know that." Jackie nodded as Meg added emotionally. "Was it so final … I mean he is alive now." and wiped away a tear.

Jackie handed Meg a spare tissue and smiled remembering what had happened in the café and hearing Meg's love turned serious and told her the truth. "It was then … Yes … but perhaps the accident and you arriving here are all part of an amazing plan and as Mum said Fate has started smiling on him. … The metal fragment in his back was small but too dangerous to be removed, he was badly injured and in a coma. The specialist and Doctor hoped it would move away from the spine in time and if he was strong enough it could be removed but unfortunately neither happened. The options they faced were death on the operating table or complete paralysis … they decided partial paralysis and some quality of life was the better option.

It was not a clean piece of metal so he kept getting infections. That knocked his immune system back each time … drugs over came the infections but all it needed was a really bad one coupled with complications, a run of them or one to go into his spine …all or any could be fatal as well as the metal moving the wrong way. … Of course we didn't know about the complete shut down he would have had if we had tried to transport him while he was conscious, unconscious we might have had a chance. We now have emergency equipment as well as drugs and oxygen here in case he shuts down, that's why we have the red buttons. They are linked to the hospital, that's where Mandy's brother works and they'd come to us.

On the day of the accident John had complained of a headache, usually he would have worn a brace round his back but did not want it as it hurt too much I checked and he was running a slight temperature. We had had several weeks clear but last infection had been bad so I wanted stronger drugs get it early. I rang the hospital to get Doctor's clearance, as Mandy was out with a patient; they rang a prescription through to the chemist for me to collect. John decided he wanted to sit in the private garden, where you with tonight, it was warm and we both knew he would be confined indoors for a while. … So he went outside while I went to get the drugs, as Mandy and Simon were both out of earshot he promised to stay put till I returned I didn't bother finding Simon as I thought it take longer to find him than to collect the drugs.

John told me later he got bored and wanted to see the sunken garden … he loved it there and could manage it … that day though he misjudged the slope at the top of the steps. He tried to put the brakes on but along with a now raging headache he suddenly went weak in the arms and giddy. … He went down one step possibly the next then the chair tipped over. … … It was not just an infection Meg it was the big one the Specialist told him weakness was a sign of the condition deteriorating. I wondered if he unconsciously knew that and wanted to be there in a place he loved and that's why he became bored, anxious. …… In some ways it was a good thing … he got better but it could have gone the other way and we would have lost him there and then."

Jackie stopped for a moment, it still sent a shiver down her spine, from the look Meg gave her she knew she was coming to terms with it all, holding on to the same fact she did … John was with them and carried on.

"We did not have Shep then … he is our eyes and ears on John's moods as well as constant companion. He was a stray dog brought to the police station to be put down … Dad knew Mum is a soft touch and brought him over. As she was out he started to take the dog back to the station only it got away and ran round the back of the hotel via the passageway. Jack and the other officer went after him … the sunken garden is round the back and out of sight … no doubt John will take you there, he still loves it there.

Anyway the dog came bounding back to Jack then ran off again, like he does now only giving a bark as if to say 'come on'. Jack knew rescue dogs so realised something could be up especially as it stayed out of sight and barked. So he and his mate quickly moved to find him and with the next round up and bark they found John unconscious and trapped under his chair at the bottom of the steps. From then on it was organised chaos I came just after the helicopter had landed in the paddock.

The horses were out on the ride, it was the first one on the lower bridle path that's why Simon was watching from the wooded area behind the stables otherwise he would have been with John or within calling distance. For once there had been a queue at the chemist and because of the market I had difficulty parking so it had all taken time. I can tell you that was one of the worst moments in my life coming down the drive seeing the helicopter in the paddock. We are used to hearing the helicopter flying over the town, as it's a rescue and pick up centre but not here in the paddock.

Jack called the dog Shep because he felt he was being rounded up like sheep and the dog responded to the name. Shep stayed by John even when he was in the helicopter and in hospital though it was against all the rules. We were lucky the fall shifted the metal in his back the right way and the operation was a success, his spine was badly bruised as was the rest of him but nothing was broken thank goodness."

She paused and gave a smile at a better memory and carried on. "It's the first time I've seen a dog lying out side the operating theatre … mind you they could not shift us from the corridor either. The infection was bad but treatable … semi conscious John gave everyone hell because he was in a small room … even the nurses were asking to put him in the car park to shut him up. It's all part of his condition and should have warned us I suppose.

Anyway, Shep crept in and nuzzled his hand and amazingly John settled." Jackie smiled as she remembered, "he had a bit of help from Jack chatting up the nurses out in the corridor and I watched just in case anything went wrong. Of course Shep took it one step further and jumped on his bed and lay beside him so that John could feel his coat rather than his noise. The Doctor and nurses saw the improvement and let him stay providing someone walked him so Simon and I became chief dog walkers; he's a brilliant and playful dog.

Everyone agreed John should be out of the hospital sooner rather than later with his injuries and infection he was back to square one … flat on his back, feeling lousy and looking at the ceiling for the next month. We hired a large windowed ambulance to bring him back but as soon as the doors closed and the engine started he shut down on us. It was like switching a light off one second he was breathing etc next … nothing … heart stopped … gone … the lads chucked him out of he ambulance and got his heart started while getting back into the hospital then checked him over. Luckily he had been on the ground floor otherwise we would have had to use a lift. Anyway they could not find anything wrong with him but obviously did not want to try again so we debated how to get him back home.

We realised he had never travelled in a vehicle awake since his accident … when we brought him home the first time he was heavily drugged as he was in a frame, had just come out of a coma and was so far enclosed in himself he did not know what was going on at all anyway. We assumed there would be a strong dislike of cars and vans not a complete shut down.

In the end we hit on the idea of a horse and farmer's cart … we rang round which was fun. Finally found one and put John on a stretcher in the back, padded with mattresses and straw. Shep stayed beside him and we slowly came home. Jack and the boys gave us the slowest quietest police escort in history …we wanted to make sure no engine could shut him down and the last thing we wanted was the horse bolting."

In spite of the seriousness of it they both smiled at the picture drawn up knowing he was safe it was all history now Jackie carried on.

"Well you saw the horse and trap we use … Simon drives him to work and back again if he does not want to be pushed in the chair. On a good day he could wheel some of it himself but he likes the company … someone to sit beside and chat or listen to … it's always a bit difficult talking to the back of his head when you're pushing or for him to chat from the front. Jack drove him today to give him moral support and because he gets really edgy around heavy traffic. … There's a beauty spot nearby where you can see down the valley rather than a cross as we do here. We all go out there Simon or Jack with John in the trap and the rest in the car in front or behind, usually when it's quiet. In the last couple of weeks he's spent more time in the office at computer club and once a week his business friends come here for a coffee morning as he cannot come to them." She gave a chuckle. "Talk about women gossiping … get them together and they are here for hours.

We've had a few enquires for pony and traps for special occasions, so we pinch Sandy off him but we hope to add a couple more to the stable which will please Simon. He loves horses and if John can get more mobile Simon can concentrate on that side of the business." Jackie knew this was all positive and needed her to understand how close she and Simon were and would be to John and added gently. "Meg, John is still recovering from his ordeal, I have to give his legs massages that will carry on along with exercises … and there are other things you will not be able to help with … Simon will be around a lot as well as he says he's the only one who can throw John over his shoulder and chuck him out when he is being too stroppy."

Meg laughed at the picture but felt sad "What a thought … is he all right now."

"He will never be a hundred percent but from what I've seen since you've arrived yes. … There's a sparkle as he chats with you and Paul … I've not seen it before, we'll have to watch for his depression or frustration though. … I know you're not going to leave him, he will no doubt feel guilty about it so be ready to duck or scream for help."

Meg smiled feeling more at ease because she knew why … he wanted to protect her in spite of the fact she had left him … they had forgiven each other and could go forward one step at a time. "I will … and thank you … Can I say goodnight to him."

Jackie nodded understanding her need to check. "You know where the door is just knock twice on it. That way he gets the opportunity to say no, not that he uses it. If it's open during the day it means everyone is welcome. As you saw our outside door goes into the hotel gardens, his is out by the paddock so we use it as a short cut depending which way we want to go. I'll wake you in the morning when we start moving and we'll all have breakfast in his apartment. You'll most probably hear Simon go through to turn John during the night don't worry about it. You can use the metal pads to open the doors if you're feeling lazy … we'll have to check the one John uses as it stuck earlier so open that one by hand."

With that Jackie got up and left Meg started to unpack letting everything mull over in her mind, she found her photo of him in her bag and went to put it out on the cabinet then decided to put it away in a draw. She didn't need it she had him and he was different now, she changed into her pyjamas and lay on the bed reading a book.

She heard Simon walk along the corridor and talk with Jackie, finding her robe she went and knocked on the door, at his quiet but clear, "Come in." she went in. He was lying on his side bundled up in blankets and pillows so he could relax and sleep, without hurting himself she came quietly into his view and smiled at his surprise as he recognised her, she was not sure about sitting on the side of the bed although there was room so she crouched down.

He watched her, his eyes bright and sparkling his voice soft. "I thought it would be Jackie, Simon said she might come to see if I want a pill. Told him I don't. But he does not always listen."

"I can get her if you want. I wanted to kiss you good night if that's all right."

"Yes I'd like that … Simon put the speaker on so I can call … Stay till I sleep. Still feel as though it's all a dream and yet I know it's not."

She got up and held his hand as she leaned over and kissed him, it was a gentle light kiss as if they both were still a little scared that anything deeper could break the spell. She then got a chair and sat down so he could see her as well as the rest of the room and held his hand very lightly.

His voice was quiet "We could take Shep out in the morning before going to the cafe if you want."

"Sounds good. Jackie's going to wake me when they start moving." She said gently seeing his eyes started to close and in a few moments she noted he was asleep, she quietly put the chair back and went over to the sofa thinking she would stay just a little longer saw a pillow and blankets had been placed there. Smiling she looked back at him and then the door into the other apartment … the bedroom seemed too far a way from him, the fire was on a low flame so she slipped out of her robe and between the blankets tucking the pillow under her head making herself comfortable and drifted off to sleep.

oxoxo

Her dream was chaotic but not unsettling till a voice sort of registered in the background and she found her self coming up out of sleep to another call this time louder but not clear enough to make out the words … she recognised his voice as well as the noise of something being hit. She got up and ran to him caught his hands in hers as he thrashed them around and yelled again several words jumbled together. She started to call Ben then remembered to call John hoping if he was remembering the kidnapping her voice and his name would bring him back to the here and now, she felt Simon's presence beside her telling her it was all right and to carry on.

She talked to him letting his hands go as he fought against hers, put her hand gently against his face telling him it was all right she was real not a dream, he murmured her name and half opened his eyes, she could tell he was not seeing anything. She shushed him again telling him Simon was there. Simon added his voice to hers reassuring John everything was all right and he relaxed this time his eyes clear and watching her his voice was soft slurred with sleep "Stay with me, Meg"

She looked up at Simon who nodded "I'll take the speaker off" then gently but firmly to John. "John, I have to turn and move you … put the guard up."

He nodded sleepily as he was turned and moved allowing Simon to check he had not hurt himself as he thrashed around in his nightmare. The bed was nearly double width to make sure he did not fall out should he manage to move, as Meg was going to sleep beside him Simon put the far guard up. When Meg was lying beside John, Simon reminding her quietly not to trap John's arm and where the buzzer was if she should need him. Meg heard the door close and a gentle sleepy "Thank you" from her soulmate as he slipped back into sleep; she relaxed to the feel of his body next to hers and drifted into sleep reminding herself to wake and move as he woke in case he did not remember what had happened.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

Meg was drifting awake gradually registering the fact she was not alone and who was beside her when she felt something cold and wet on her hand. Opening her eyes she saw two dark ones watching her with a black and white furry face and the black cold wet nose, which was nuzzling her hand and adding a gentle whine as he realised she was awake. Still watching her he moved back slightly and sat – waiting.

Meg was not sure what for so stayed silent and felt John's arm move against her body and a puzzled "Meg?" coinciding with Shep's short demanding but gentle bark. She shifted so she could look at her soulmate and looked into another set of eyes, the ones she loved and thought she had lost - they were dark and a bit confused. She lost the battle to stifle the giggle, which had grown from the thought of 'talking dog' which had floated into mind, catching her breath she said "Morning, … I think I've got a jealous dog sitting on the floor."

John laughed which was the result of Meg's infectious giggle and the relief that he was not dreaming - she was here with him. He moved the stray hair from her face and gently traced a line down her cheek … yeah definitely here and said in a gentle tone. "No he just wants his walk as I need mine, can you press the buzzer … not the red button. … What's Jackie going to say if she finds you here?"

Meg felt a tingle down her spine from his gentle touch and the tone in his voice and moved and gave him a butterfly kiss then smiling answered his question. "She knows … Simon moved you when you had your nightmare … you asked me to come in beside you. You seemed to relax better that way you don't mind?"

"Oh yes … no … thank you. ..." came out as his mind gradually caught up with events of last night, and the realisation he must have slept the rest of the time undisturbed as well as the joy of her closeness and kiss. "A kiss to wake up to is good too." He added with a smile, which she returned.

There was a knock and apartment door which opened to a bright breezy call. "Morning children!" as a grinning Simon came in continuing as though today was just like any other day; "Jackie says she will do the cooking while you get dressed. … Shep out the way!" Simon handed Meg her robe, which she had left of the back of the sofa, but still carried on talking to Shep who was fussing round his feet. "Shep! I'll step on you! … then he remembered and exclaimed … Oh! of course you need the door opened. We'll get that fixed this morning." And went to the other door and let him out.

Meg slid out of bed slipping the robe, on realising she did not feel embarrassed around Simon which was good because she would need his help with John, she'd smiled then realised she was being watched and explained. "I just realised I thought of you as John and liked it … Simon's going have some interesting mornings." she teased and was surprised when John went slightly red; then realising his embarrassment at his vulnerability she gave him a kiss and a smile with a gentle "See you at breakfast" and went to her room.

She showered and changed then popped into the kitchen to see Jackie only to be gently shooed out with instructions to go and wait with John. She didn't need telling twice so she went back into the apartment expecting to find him and found Simon putting the breakfast things on the dining table. He looked up and smiled saying. "Seconded to the washing up and waiting team"

Meg nodded with a smile letting him carry on, which he did with a wave of his hand in the right direction. "He needed some air so went out after Shep, just follow the path in front of the stable and onto the scrubland rather than the garden. Take this pager and we will call when food is ready the rest of the crowd is calling in so warn him."

Meg took the pager and followed the path slowing as she saw him sitting facing the wooded area waiting for something, and realised he was wearing his tinted glasses again and wondered if he wore them all the time when he was not in the apartment. There was a rustling of leaves and branches which soon parted as Shep bounded out at full speed coming to a sudden halt at John's feet, and stood panting with wagging tail as if asking for more.

John threw a stick which landed only a few feet away, undeterred Shep bounded full pelt past it into the bushes then a few minutes later came rushing out slowed down to pick up the stick then with a cheek bouncy run carried it and gently put it in John's lap. Instead asking for more he looked passed his master tail wagging madly and barked a greeting; then bounded towards her then back to John. Stopping for a moment with a playful bark before coming back to round her up as though she was not walking fast enough.

Meg gave a laugh and realised no one could not creep upon either of them now and then as she got closer and where they could see each other said. "Hi, he's got it down to a fine art."

Shep was still bouncing between the two of them in spite of the shortening distance.

John laughed watching them both, "Yes especially the cocky bit when he picks the stick up … he's only forgotten it once and ended up on my lap at full speed, very wet and muddy. After that Jackie and Simon forbid wet runs."

Shep bounded around them now looking hopefully at the stick on John's lap each time he passed him.

Meg smiled at the picture in her mind and commented. "You two suit each other." There was a bleeping sound and she added. "That's the pager they want us back, everyone is joining us is that all right?"

John knew the reason for the question even if she didn't and explained. "Yes. I'm full of contradictions … sometimes get uneasy with a lot of people around … sometimes I don't like being on my own … other times I only need Shep … I can't seem to win." He paused and knew he needed her help and asked. "After I've taken the brakes off could you help turn me there's a small hole I might get stuck in, then I can carry on. I must get Simon to fill it before it gets bigger. So, you are going to face the hooligans and café while I'm man handled or should that be woman handled..."

She laughed as she manoeuvred him round, finding it surprisingly easy having no previous experience and once he was lined up on the clear path he nodded his thanks and took over coming up beside him she asked slightly apprehensive. "What do you mean hooligans?"

With an air of innocence he said. "Children's club … at the weekends they come in and play games in the back room. We run a sort of computer game swap club, some of the kids cannot afford the games so they play them there, and some who haven't got computers can use them. Others do homework or just come to hang out, there is a small fee and then there's the Internet cafe run like Java web, we have regulars who don't have machines at home so they use it as a base with general gossip over a drink and food."

She was impressed by the idea and exclaimed. "Wow sounds good. Jackie will be with you this afternoon so Paul and I had better learn fast."

"Oh yes!" he said with a laugh then they walked the rest of the way in opened the door to the apartment and they joined the others, Shep rolled on a mat by the door then bounded over to his bowls of drink and food.

Jackie laughingly at Shep and Meg's expression explained. "Over the top way of cleaning his paws I did think of getting John to do it as well but his wheels are a bit big."

John huffed indignantly. "Hey! They are clean I kept to the path, which reminds me. Simon there's a hole that needs filling at the end by the bushes. I could not turn properly so Meg helped."

Simon gave him a mock salute then carried buttering his toast. John gave a very quiet huffy "the staff these days" while manoeuvring carefully.

Meg smiled at the banter and joining the group at the table said. "Paul, I think we've a difficult day ahead John called them hooligans" Jackie laughed, Simon shook his head with a look of mock horror on his face and Paul who'd watched them gave a dramatic sigh. "Oh great! … And there we were on a quiet holiday weekend."

Meg grinned as she sat down; with a slight smile John wheeled himself into position at the table and looking at Paul said innocently. "Fine, I'll take the kids you can be battered by Jackie fair exchange." and slipped the leather gloves off and put the in a pocket on the chair.

Mandy and Jack looked at each other with a smile as they joined them having come through from the other apartment. While Jackie put a plate of food in front of John with a gentle but definite "No way lad after you have shown them the 'ropes', brought back some work and the workmen have gone you areall mine!"

"Damn!" John replied and started eat as the others laughed and then joined him.

oxoxo

It was late afternoon and Meg had left Paul to finish and close up the computer club. Everything had gone smoothly they had been warmly welcomed as helpers or though sympathy was expressed regarding the car breaking down, car horror stories were exchanged with glee. They enjoyed the banter and friendliness of the kids joining in with making a banner for the shop to explain who they were and why the change. As things had slowed down Paul insisted she leave and now she was going to walk through the hotel and grounds to Jackie's apartment, after all she was meant to be staying at the hotel.

She walked into the reception area of the hotel and stopped amazed at the size and beauty of the hotel. The foyer was large with corridors off to other rooms and a large reception desk was in the right hand alcove of the stairway. And what a stairway, it reminded her of a period film set with its wide central curved staircase which split left and right at the first floor, with a wide balcony to the rooms upstairs. Setting the whole thing off was an impressive chandelier with matching crystal lights on the walls.

Her mind drifted imagining ladies in their long dresses sweeping down the stairs ready to go out, their horse and carriages in the courtyard when a gentle "You like our little old home then?" brought her back to the present day.

She gave a soft, "Yes Jack it is so beautiful and large."

He smiled always getting a thrill from the first impressions of their guests and said in a gentle in matter a fact way. "Of course you are seeing the back of the house." He gave a gentle laugh at her reaction and carried on. "Actually this house has two fronts … come on through, the side door which Mandy and I use is the official back door, you know servants entrance."

She laughed at his tone as he said the last words and followed him through the doorway near the reception table. The young lady who sat there smiled hearing the comment and gave a nod of acknowledgement as she answered the phone. Around them was a comfortable welcoming silence broken by the occasional distance noise of people talking as they worked.

As Jack passed a couple of guestrooms he opened the doors so she could look in. The rooms were large and beautifully laid out and said luxury and comfort but not so much it would over whelmed the occupier and commented. "They are the same as upstairs and the third floor, twenty five bedroom suites in total, two large dining rooms, two sitting rooms, small games room and a conservatory, which acts as a day room in the autumn or winter and of course a kitchen. There's a small covered swimming pool round the side by the small lodge. Mandy and I have the servants' rooms near the back door, it means we can come and go without bumping into guests all the time."

Meg was amazed by it all but still curious about his earlier statement. "Why do you say two fronts?"

"Well the original owners needed to face their 'town' hence the driveway and posh front but they also needed to look across the valley and their lands. Let the workers see what a wonderful place it was and there was the competition as well. Keeping one step in front of your neighbours not only in the town but across the valley as well … sort of seeing is knowing your wealth."

Meg laughed as Jack carried on. "On a good day you can still see across the top of the valley, the other house was unfortunately burnt down many years ago … nothing bad just an electrical fault … but there was friendly rivalry between the two families they were cousins. Mixed farming, wood from the mountains and of course guides were needed and trade with outsiders using the rail link further down, all very peaceful just like the valley. There used to be a bridleway right the way across the valley to the other house and town, we are restoring it and hopefully we'll take rides a cross, possibly take the carriage as well at the moment they only go half way or go down the valley."

Meg gazed around, as she followed him from dinning room, sitting room and out into the conservatory then into the garden. She realised that although it kept an old fashioned quaintness a lot of it was fresh and new and asked. "Is it all new? … How long have you been here?" She stopped and looked over the garden it was all on a slight slope, cultivated garden gave way to countryside mixture of small wooded areas with green fields beyond and a small river running down from the mountains, she idly wondered where the river came from and exclaimed. "It's so beautiful."

Jack stayed silent as Meg turned round taking in the view, it was breath taking and as it was clear she could see right across the valley though it was difficult to make out the houses in the town on the opposite side. She guessed you would see the lights at night and knew the sun was adding its own beauty to the mixed colours of autumn as it started its slow decent behind the mountain ridge, which sheltered the valley.

After a moment Jack said. "I expect John will take you to the beauty spots when Jackie gives him the all clear." then answered her earlier question. "Yes, a lot of the things are new it was refurbished last and this year. Come sit over here and I'll give you a quick history lesson."

He led her over to a garden seat before continuing. "Val's company did the downstairs before that we had a local firm do the upstairs and that was our downfall. … They were meant to do it all but went bust and we had a water leak just as they finished work upstairs. It ruined the top two floors, as it was not noticed for twenty-four hours. The insurance company washed their hands of it because the company had failed to keep up their payments. We could not fight it because the bank was calling all our debts. … We had taken a gamble and lost … our combined salaries would not pay for any of it … … So to pay we had to sell the house …a ruined house in fact. We had an offer from a big multi-chain group … a month to accept and get out. If we were lucky we would have been in the empty barn with camp beds … but I doubt they would have let us."

He gave a sad smile remembering the heart ache and then carried on softly. "But our miracle happened … we found John … out of his need for secrecy I found I had five million dollars so with the Bank manger's knowledge I took John's money invested four million in a working account being able to use the interest as necessary and one million for his immediate future which meant securing the hotel as a business.

The bank manager insisted we used Val's firm as they had a good reputation." He smiled as he carried on in a happier tone, "and liked hard luck stories, she did it quickly and sorted out the apartments. One so Jackie and Simon could be on call but have privacy and the other was a large hospital room at first, we could have put panels up afterwards but John liked the feel of space so we kept it. Val never met John or knew his name the work was done by the time he came out of hospital and the hotel plodded along and we opened in February. The rest pays for his treatment as well as Jackie and Simon's wages; Mandy and her brother are his doctors as you can see it's a family business."

Jack paused for a moment and looked back at the beautiful house as he continued his tone of voice showed his feelings. "This house has been in Mandy's family since it was built; my family knew it through the generations and we would have been devastated if we had lost it. The farmland was rented out years ago, so we would have been kicking other families out of their homes to save our own if we tried selling them to raise the money … did not seem right really.

Luckily when John came round he agreed I did the right thing even better he started to invest in the future not only for the hotel and stables but also in the town." Jack smiled at Meg's gentle laugh. "Oh I would have found a way to pay him back if he really insisted … dollar a week out of my pay … granted it was in his best interest to stay with us …he was in the apartment and comfortable."

He gave chuckle. "The best of it was we liked each other even if the conversation was all on our side at the beginning and all he could see was the ceiling. … We had a special projector and monitor so he could read and have a different view … surprising what you can tell from a yes and no button and then later they were words spelt out on a screen. Guess it would have been difficult for him to say no with nowhere to go."

Meg smiled and ran her fingers through her hair brushing it away from her face, last night their chatter had been about her and Paul and their arrival here. Now for the first time she was alone with Jack really realising the enormity of their commitment regardless of the financial rewards and knowing it went deeper with him and with a lot of emotion she said. "Thank you for saving him and looking after him."

Jack looked at Meg with a gentle smile and admitted. "The moment I found him in the van, he became my son … … and luckily Mandy, Jackie and Simon felt the same way…. He's given us a stronger sense of family … It's not been easy for any of us … … it's not about the money though it's helped of course.

He moved on not wanting to dwell on the beginning too much. "We can stay in our family home and I can retire next July/August and help run the riding side of the hotel with Simon. … We choose our guests carefully … mainly from the other side of the Country or Canada … several guests who visited earlier this year are returning to see what it is like in the autumn … walkers, riders as well as the retired which means mixed ages, a nice mixture."

"Is that to protect John?"

"Yes, we are never fully booked just enough to tick over, though that will change as people want to return … most of the guests are wealthy and expect to pay our prices. We take them up into the mountains for a couple of hours or days … roughing it, then they come back to recover or they can go down in the valley for the gentler walks and rides we are close enough for the odd trip into Canada as well, some just come for the peace, quiet and the view.

With John getting more mobile Simon will do more riding and Jackie will find another patient. He's also taken a gamble by buying another carriage for weddings etc and then there's the covered riding area near the paddock. … All his calls are taken at the hotel and past onto him via the computer or Jackie so we don't disturb him but he can make calls out. The bank manager knows he's on a protection scheme and makes sure he deals with his account otherwise the business friends he has are his own and I've a friendly arrangement with the editor to keep John out of the paper but he doesn't know why."

He looked at Meg and gave a gentle laugh. "You know since finding John our crime detection rate has gone up." Meg looked at him puzzled. "The other officers with me that day always look in trunks and backs of vans if they are stopped for any reason and especially accidents and you'd be surprised what people try and hide. Two runaway couples … not at once you understand … one we let go and the other we had to send home with follow up to make sure they were safe till they came of age to leave freely. Otherwise it's the usually things from robberies, unwanted animals etc and word has got around so the bad boys have moved on." He sighed and looked across at the view and admitted. "I still get nightmares about finding him or not finding him at all yet knowing he should be, but they are fewer and farther between now." and ended gently "I understand he had help his last night, how did you find it."

Meg smiled at the last bit and was amazed at her soulmate who was so independent and now needed so much help and yet he managed to give as he had before. He had not hidden himself away to wallow in his misfortune he had fought back and kept an interest in life. ... His mental strength had stayed with him all the way through … his brother had not broken him … and she could understand how comfortable he had felt around Jack and the others as she did now, happy to talk about her feelings. "Good, …finally realising it is true. … I went to say goodnight to him and found the bedroom was too far away so I slept on the sofa … he called out and I went to him, held his hands to stop him hurting himself. With Simon's help we grounded him, and he asked me to stay. So Simon turned him and I slept with John till Shep's cold nose woke me up."

Jack chuckled and said "Of course winning Shep over is half the battle. Simon will always have to turn John during the night and help him, trouble is when he thrashes around he could easily strain his back, as he cannot move his legs. … You never know, now that feeling is coming back he might be able to kick you out of bed … … but that could be months away." He paused and looked at her and said softly, "I'm glad you've turned up … even yesterday evening when we were talking he looked more at peace … even if he doesn't realise it himself yet. … Things may get rough at times and you have not got your family or friends to fall back on … so I want you know that Mandy and I will be here for both of you."

Meg looked at him realising she would not necessarily have Paul around and said. "Thank you and I will remember that."

He nodded and reinforced his words. "I mean it when I say I can be impartial regarding any of them. … I run a police department don't forget. Now go and see him I think he should be waking up now. Go though Jackie's end to make sure it's all right. The entrance is through that archway over there."

They both got up and Jack gave her a hug before she left.

Feeling settled she walked along the pathway through the archway and into the apartment.

Jackie was in an armchair reading a book, a machine on the table beside her was giving a regular bleep just loud enough to be notice; the kettle in the kitchen area was just starting to steam as it comes to the boil.

She looked up and said with a cheeky smile. "Hi Meg. All in one piece?"

Meg gave a chuckle. "Yes thank you, saw Jack and the hotel … how's John?"

Jackie got up and started to make a cup of tea Meg nodded acceptance to the silent offer. "He should be waking soon, the monitor will tell me when, that way I don't have to stand over him just check him occasionally. He has a call button to press as well, if you want to you can go through, he rigged up you're laptop on a side table in the dinning area. There is music on to make sure he wakes up to something rather than silence. He knows where he is when he really wakes, but sometimes it's those moments just before and he thinks he's back in the van or basement and it throws him. … … He's still shaky about you being here, although it's good kind of shaky if you know what I mean. … … No doubt he will be cranky about me when he wakes up so don't worry about it."

Meg laughed and accepted her cup of tea and made her way through to John's apartment, she stopped to look at him sleeping. He looked so relaxed and gorgeous, she remembered him as he had been in the mornings at Ocean Drive and Santa Barbara and thought the grey flecks made him more distinguished.

Smiling as she noted his fringe was as wayward as ever and wondered if it tickled him as he slept, though she liked it that way. Without thinking she moved a step closer towards the bed to brush it back and heard a gentle growl at her feet and saw Shep lying beside the bed his dark eyes watching her. The low rumbling growl came again, it was quiet enough not to wake his master but there was a definite command - 'leave my master alone'.

She accepted it with a smile stepped back then walked towards the dinning area and settled down to check her emails. While waiting for it to come on line and download she wondered if they would hear back from the hotel in Canada about paying for cancellation, the music in the background made her relax and close her eyes.

In her mind she could see a gentle breeze travelling down the hillside through the trees into a valley through the field on through the towns till it met the sea with the waves gently breaking on the shore. She felt a nuzzle on her thigh and looked down to see Shep looking at her with his tail wagging, as soon as he knew he had her attention he ran back towards John then towards the end of the dinning table where he pushed the metal plate with his nose. As the door to the outside opened and he looked back at her then at John.

She smiled and said, "Go on then. I'll watch him … talk about living up to your name." and got up, Shep was off like a shot.

Meg walked over to the sofa smiling at the picture of John getting tangled with the door as it opened inwards; she had thought the push plate would be on the framework as it had been outside. Of course if you were at the table and leant against it, that could be interesting as well as draughty. She resisted the temptation to go over to Ben and hold his hand so found a magazine to look at while also registering the equipment, which had been put up in the hospital end as Jackie called it.

She read the first article and heard John stir, just a movement of his arm as he lay on his side with pillows supporting him so he could not move. She knew Jackie wanted him still till she and Simon could move him so she got up and saw him, still with his eyes closed so not fully awake press the buzzer that was in his hand and heard three bleeps. It was like an instinctive reaction for him and made her think of the weeks he had been unable to move at all, she noticed the clip on the end of a finger, and realised it would be the one hooked up to the monitor in Jackie's apartment. She saw his eyes open and look at her and there was puzzle/surprised voice in his voice as he said "Still here … not a dream then."

She smiled and reassured him. "No not a dream and don't move till Jackie comes, Shep has gone out for a walk."

John relaxed and smiled commenting "Left you on guard … you're honoured … he usually crosses all four legs till Jackie or Simon comes."

Meg could not help laughing at the picture he painted and heard Jackie come through from the other apartment and her bright greeting. "Well sleeping beauty awake then!"

"Yeah wicked stepmother does it again!" Was his quick reply.

"Oh I see and I suppose you want the princess to wake you up with a kiss." Jackie said with a tease as she glanced at both of them, ending with a gentle command. "Not this time sunshine!"

"Damn, should have thought of that earlier Meg!" He replied with a bit of a wince in his voice, which Jackie picked up on immediately.

"Okay where is the pain."

"Middle back and I need the bathroom unless..."

Jackie gently cut in. "No you're a big boy now … so press for Simon and hold on while I get rid of the twinge."

Meg watched fascinated as Jackie, who was wearing trousers, eased the pillows away from John so he was lying face down, and with his face turned to the side so he could breathe. Pulling the blanket down to just below his waist she then knelt up on the board, which was under him, so she straddled him at thigh height. She then started to slowly and gently massage his back, as she got the right spot there came a groan from John.

Just after the gentle whoosh of the door opening there came a teasing exclamation "You rang! …Umm Do you think it wise for me to come in?" Simon looked at Meg with a grin then carried on to explain "It's called a hard bed Meg because it's hard for me to see her this way."

Meg laughed gently then broke into a fit of giggles, which was joined by Jackie who had stopped massaging John.

John exclaimed. "Hell! Simon I know I need the bathroom but you don't have to come dressed like that!"

Simon looked hurt but then his voice gave away the tease. "Oh come on! What do expect me to do wash Jack's cars down in a suit? There are ten of the damn things!" He was wearing waterproof suit, which was wet, he started to peel it off before coming in and carried on. "You really don't want to know where they've been either … Of course I could have gone riding … been longer. …Saw Shep with Jack so I guessed everything was all right in here, did he leave you in charge Meg?"

Meg nodded as John said. "Jackie its okay now and I really need to move … like now Simon!" Jackie got off the bed and wrapped him back up in the blanket.

Simon smiled and moved quickly getting the wheelchair and Jackie came over to Meg. "We'll let the boys deal with it now. Simon, no twisting as he gets up, or in the shower … just a quickie."

There was look of pure innocence which passed between John and Simon as he manoeuvred John into the chair using the hoist and then said with equal innocence "Would not dream of it sweetheart."

Jackie shook her head smiling as she watched them disappear into the bathroom; she collapsed the board and made the bed but left the pillows, sorted out some clothes and put them by the bathroom door. "Give them five minutes and it will sound as though there's a hundred in there."

Smiling Meg went back to her check the emails and found one from the Canadian hotel explaining they could give them another date for a weekend in October if they wanted but needed an answer by eight in the evening. She rang Paul and explained giving him the details so he could reply after checking with Val.

Jackie stopped the CDs and got things together in the kitchen area, glancing over at the nearly silent bathroom in disbelief and again when Simon came out grabbing the clean clothes giving her an oh so innocent smile at the same time.

When they finally emerged Meg had moved over to the sofa and smiled admiring John in his white sweater and jeans, he smiled back at her then at Jackie asking innocently. "Tea ready yet?" Simon ducked back into the bathroom but left the door open this time.

Jackie smiled and teased. "Guess there's a first time for everything … or are you trying to impress a certain young lady!"

"As if … I thought we could have tea in the garden, show Meg."

Jackie took the drinks over to the table making way for John to park himself in his usual spot between two of the sofas then sat next to him as she answered his suggestion. "No John … and Simon will manoeuvre you out when needs be."

Meg was shocked by the suddenly flash of anger, which crossed his face at her words Jackie was not fazed by it and carried explaining. "I can not risk you twisting your back and it's too cold outside your back will stiffen."

John interrupted angrily "Jackie! … Simon can wheel me! … I'll wrap up!"

Jackie answered calmly but firmly. "No! You'll stay in and relax and have a sedative tonight." Understanding where his anger and frustration were coming from and knowing she could not risk the consequences she stood firm. "You know if you are not careful today, tomorrow and Monday you will end up looking at that ceiling for another month! … You don't want it nor do I! … So accept it. … You can stay in here with Meg this evening for a while but sleep alone. Simon will be on the sofa or you'll be monitored up to you which. In the morning we will see what the weather is like and if it is warm you and Simon can take Meg to the garden lunchtime, then we will have a session again in the afternoon and the same for the evening and night."

John looked like thunder as he listened then spat out in full fury, anger and hurt. "Hell! I can't do anything! You're just like …"

"John! Stop!" Simon cut in having finished tiding up and hearing some of the exchange. It was said with a gentle command, which got through to John, who closed his eyes for a couple of minutes trying tune down his emotions regretting his words knowing the last thing he wanted to was to hurt them and have their pity … Meg's pity. He hit out silently at the memories of the basement with the fact everyone here was helping get his life and love back.

Simon quietly sat on the other sofa ready to take control if need be. He knew it would only take something small to send it to the next level and they hadn't had that for a while. He hoped Meg would understand that quietness was the best action a smile could be misunderstood as John flashed back and forth with the emotional flashbacks Jackie's orders had brought on.

Jackie stayed where she was keeping any hurt she felt out of her face, knowing she was in fact in hit distance if things took a turn for the worse, but also knew moving away would send the wrong signals to John and he didn't need that.

John opened his eyes and looked at Jackie and saw Simon had joined them, noted nether looked angry just quietly waiting. He breathed quietly feeling the anger dying as reason took over and knew acceptance was the right thing and why and said softly. "I'm sorry …. I'll be good and wait."

Jackie and Simon nodded knowing the flash was over he was back to being John.

John glanced across at Meg saw her shock said gently and honestly. "Sorry Meg … can't say it won't happen again though." hoping she would understand.

Shaken by the outburst Meg took her cue from the others and nodded her acceptance and understanding. She knew from his tone he was ashamed he'd hit out in such away and she'd seen it.

Jackie handed John his cup of tea and biscuits and he smiled his thanks.

Simon catching his eye said in a tone they both understood. "Its okay." then turned his attention to Meg saying. "Meg, would you and Paul like to come out on one of the gentle valley rides tomorrow afternoon."

Meg answered automatically, "Loved to … though I have not ridden for a couple of years I used to ride a lot at home … I know Paul rode in Australia."

"Good we can take a couple of new ones on a lead see how they like it. If you need clothes we've got some spares at the hotel which we give guests. Paul due back soon?"

"Are you taking Stephen as well?" John interrupted quietly.

"Yes, we'll lead out Blacky and Thor."

Feeling the atmosphere was back to normal Meg guessed that was what Jackie called her volcano erupting … well a rumble anyway. She could understand it; he was feeling as though things were being taken away again just when he wanted to take her out alone, and answered the question. "Yes he was finishing things up and sorting out about the Canadian hotel … they have offered another weekend so he's going to ring Val and deal with it."

She smiled as she remembered the afternoon and carried on. "It was fun in the club, of course everyone was pleased with the news and accepted us, and some of the kids put a sign up so we did not have to keep introducing ourselves or explain … kids and machines were on good behaviour. Oh yes I brought some papers back with me … Patrick wanted an answer by tomorrow if possible if that makes sense."

John remembered about that and answered. "Yes I'll do that now while you finish your mail. Jackie can you grab the phone for me? You could take Sandie out he'd like the change."

"Umm good idea." Simon said and took a couple of biscuits and started to read the paper.

Meg got up and found the papers she had put in her bag then handed them to John who started to look through them. She grabbed a couple of biscuits and went back to her emails got rid of the junk mail and opened the one from Robert; she could not sigh or swear as she was munching a biscuit so froze as she read the email.

**Hi Meg **

**Congratulations! …. A little bird told me that Sunset Sister have one first prize, Sara will be told officially in a couple of days. So it's all hush hush.**

**I'm out of town at the moment but email will get near immediate response if private just write 'private M' in the information slip and no one else will open it. **

**So I guess you will be travelling to our neck of the woods again. **

**If you wish I could act air taxi as I'm travelling to Sunset to see Mandy to finalize a couple of things in the office. Good news about her mother she has decided to accept the place in shelter apartments. You can stay the night before for an early start, family would love to see you again, and I can come back to Seattle at anytime, my business will be finished late morning but more than happy to stay overnight as well if that is what you want. **

**I understand there will be publicity photos in the morning and no doubt an informal gathering at The Deep in the evening. **

**The Gallery came second and Bluebell came third (must remember to take flowers back with me). Let me know your wishes.**

**Hope Paul is not working you too hard if he is let me know and I will tell Mat I know he is hankering after an excuse to leave the office for a couple of days. **

**Robert.**

She looked across at John and Simon who had just manoeuvred out of the lounge area hoping this would not start a fresh eruption and said. "Sunset Sisters has won, The Gallery came second, Bluebell which is a florist third. Robert has offered to take me from Seattle, I can stay with him the night before and he'll take me back whatever time I want. I can use commercial flights in and out of Seattle … I'll plead full work load if you want me too."

There was a flash of fear as he looked at her then at Jack who had just come in with Shep and had heard her words and understood John's fears and said gently to him. "You know she has to go, I've done a quick check on Robert he's okay … we can use him as back up for her."

Jack turned to Meg and continued. "If you do stay in Sunset Beach over night come back early morning the less time you are there the better. Think what you've already said about staying … would it sound odd if you rushed away. …. You will have to talk to Ben and his family you must make it as natural as you can … don't clam up on him at all nor do you want to give too much away, same with your family and friends." Jack stopped he noticed her shiver as he mentioned Ben's name and added gently. "All anger has to go … he is an ex-boy friend who is now a friend, don't forget she was a friend of yours as well."

Meg nodded realising the complications of either action and knew going was really the only action and the one she wanted to do.

John sighed he knew deep down she would go … he wanted her family to be complete … they should know she was going to leave because she wanted to and not because of her anger with her father. He had to know that by seeing it in his daughter's face not in a letter or a phone call. He flashed back to his own family and parting and knew the pain would be worse … and he was doing it to her … if only he could … he watched her and knew he did not have a choice … his brother would start poking around if she stayed away.

He saw the love in her eyes as she looked back at him and it gave him the strength he needed to keep his voice steady so it would give her confidence she needed. "Okay but stay with Robert or your family as much as you can especially if there is do at The Deep."

She gave a slight smile and explained her racing thoughts "It's informal so it can be one drink then go, the photo shot is in the shop. Robert says Mat is looking for a reason to leave the office perhaps they could fly here and see you. … I would like you to meet them; you will rest better understanding why I trust them. ... I'd rather see him face to face and explain and not just as we are flying into Sunset. Paul can write to Mat and make sure our information is kept to a minimum. I'll stay at Sara's and pack a few things that way I can avoid Dad if he suddenly starts sniffing for information, then use her need for rest as an excuse for staying away till the birth.

The rest of the gang will be there and I can use Robert as an excuse if I need to leave before the evening. I did warn Sara it might only be for the day so that will be okay." Meg watched both of them waiting knowing she could do it and reasoned the twin had his daughter so would stay away from her.

Jack nodded while looking at John and Meg wondered if they could read each other's mind because it was Jack who answered. "Sounds good I'll give you my special mobile number for Robert and I'll pick him or them up at the airport. I'll take Paul with me for ID … ask them to use a different plane if possible, no doubt Ben knows Robert's plane number and could call it to check flight plans if needs be. I know it sounds paranoid but for the moment let's try and keep it quiet. We'll work out what information you can give your family when they come as Robert will have an up to date picture of the circumstances. Usually in a protection scheme all contact is cut with the old life, this time we have to make an exception so we will have to be very careful and make sure the situation does not snowball out of control."

Meg sat for the moment thinking of what to say back to Robert, she looked up as she heard John's gentle laugh "Difficult on paper isn't it." She nodded.

"What is?" Paul asked from the doorway and being playfully attacked by Shep.

"Shep leave!" John ordered then added jokingly "Survived then?"

"Yes so did you by the looks of things ... Oh here's a rose from your secret admirer." Paul walked over to John who had carefully wheeled himself over to the dinning area to help Meg with the email. John smiled and took the deep yellow rose. "Ah from Mrs Robinson. I'm sorry I missed her, which grandchild was it this week?"

Paul laughed at Meg's puzzled expression. "She came in after you left … car trouble … must be catching. Her grandson is in Japan ... She's in her seventies and knows her way round the computer as good as anyone half her age. She found the web pages about the towns he's going to and been to … then zapped off mail to her daughter in India and all the rest around the world. She wants to check travel information on Monday morning going visiting again. Oh yes Val has marked down the weekend for Canada she'll let me know details when we get back on Tuesday. So what's the action?"

Meg explained. "Sunset Sisters came first and Mat is looking for an excuse to get away and Robert wants to make sure you're not working me too hard. So if you could write to Mat and ask him to fly here with Robert before I have to go then we can introduce them to John and explain everything face to face."

Paul nodded and said slowly thinking things through. "Should work out … and I'll make sure all work information is kept under wraps. Umm I think Mat said Robert was over there this weekend till Tuesday … Can I use your machine?"

Meg smiled at his reaction and at the thought that crossed her mind which she voiced. "After I've sorted out what to say … everything sound so melodramatic. Please see me. Tell no one and destroy all details – Eat the computer."

They all laughed at that one.

Paul went over for a cup of tea and chatted to Jackie while John and Meg sorted out the email.

In the end Meg printed in the heading "**As requested … Very Private M."**

**Hi Robert**

**Great news pleased for Sara I know she's worked hard. I'm fine but not where I'm meant to be … sounds familiar doesn't it. **

**I've a big favour to ask you, I need to stay hidden so could you delete mail to and from me past and as you do it … and I need your help when I go home. Reason is good not bad. **

**I will be asking you to keep a secret from family and friends yours and mine. **

**If you don't want to do this please tell me now and I will understand. Just keep my work place etc private will be enough I don't want to lose your friendship. **

**I would like to take you up on your offer of an air taxi in any case. If that is all right with you.**

**If you are willing to help I would like to explain face to face before I need to travel, you know where I am based, I think you are visiting my bosses friend he is welcome to come. **

**If you do please come on a different plane, possibly name as well, let me know when perhaps overnight would be best. Will give you contact number on your answer.**

**Thank you.**

**Meg**

She let John have a look he smiled and nodded she sent it and then after they'd cleared the area Paul sat at the machine to send his mail.

"**Private for Matthew only"**

**Hi Mat**

**Need a big favour with no questions asked at the moment.**

**Anything to do with Meg must be destroyed or kept under wraps as though it was a trade secret. **

**I think our mutual friend is staying with you this weekend we need to see you both as soon as possible. It's really good not bad and nothing illegal just something you will not be able to mention to anyone else.**

**I know curiosity will get the better of you so see you soon. **

**Paul**

Paul got up and joined the group saying. "Right that's done I should think we will hear in the morning knowing Mat. As you can see we survived the club … in fact its fun. We'll open after the service in the morning and close about half one, if you don't mind Meg."

"No that's fine Simon's offered us a ride with the horses in the afternoon while Jackie's attacking John.**"**

"Umm can see I'm going to get ganged up on." Jackie said with a smile then added. "I'm very gentle really." Then looked round the group and said seriously. "Orders for food as its Saturday."

"Sounds good … what do you mean orders for food?" Paul asked.

John replied "We order from the hotel's menu it's on the unit over there it's one of the joy's of being attached to the hotel the other is they do all the cleaning. I assume they can stay here." John looked over at Jack.

Jack knew exactly who he meant and answered. "Yes we've got spare rooms … so a working meal in progress. … Don't forget it will help if Meg is seen leaving and entering the hotel occasionally, though a Jackie and Meg friendship is a good cover as word gets around. … I'll leave you youngsters to it. Simon, if you want to show Paul the night life Mandy and I will be at home and on call."

"Umm good idea what about it you two." Simon looked at Paul and Jackie who had made their way over to the unit to look at the menu and both nodded acceptance, Jackie added "We will not be late as John needs an early night."

"You need to watch Paul though he likes taking over nightclubs." John said with a wicked smile.

"Only if they are free of charge and come with a profit. Hey! Roast chicken and apple pie Umm too good to miss."

**Chapter 17**

Meg was drifting awake gradually registering the fact she was not alone and who was beside her when she felt something cold and wet on her hand. Opening her eyes she saw two dark ones watching her with a black and white furry face and the black cold wet nose, which was nuzzling her hand and adding a gentle whine as he realised she was awake. Still watching her he moved back slightly and sat – waiting.

Meg was not sure what for so stayed silent and felt John's arm move against her body and a puzzled "Meg?" coinciding with Shep's short demanding but gentle bark. She shifted so she could look at her soulmate and looked into another set of eyes, the ones she loved and thought she had lost - they were dark and a bit confused. She lost the battle to stifle the giggle, which had grown from the thought of 'talking dog' which had floated into mind, catching her breath she said "Morning, … I think I've got a jealous dog sitting on the floor."

John laughed which was the result of Meg's infectious giggle and the relief that he was not dreaming - she was here with him. He moved the stray hair from her face and gently traced a line down her cheek … yeah definitely here and said in a gentle tone. "No he just wants his walk as I need mine, can you press the buzzer … not the red button. … What's Jackie going to say if she finds you here?"

Meg felt a tingle down her spine from his gentle touch and the tone in his voice and moved and gave him a butterfly kiss then smiling answered his question. "She knows … Simon moved you when you had your nightmare … you asked me to come in beside you. You seemed to relax better that way you don't mind?"

"Oh yes … no … thank you. ..." came out as his mind gradually caught up with events of last night, and the realisation he must have slept the rest of the time undisturbed as well as the joy of her closeness and kiss. "A kiss to wake up to is good too." He added with a smile, which she returned.

There was a knock and apartment door which opened to a bright breezy call. "Morning children!" as a grinning Simon came in continuing as though today was just like any other day; "Jackie says she will do the cooking while you get dressed. … Shep out the way!" Simon handed Meg her robe, which she had left of the back of the sofa, but still carried on talking to Shep who was fussing round his feet. "Shep! I'll step on you! … then he remembered and exclaimed … Oh! of course you need the door opened. We'll get that fixed this morning." And went to the other door and let him out.

Meg slid out of bed slipping the robe, on realising she did not feel embarrassed around Simon which was good because she would need his help with John, she'd smiled then realised she was being watched and explained. "I just realised I thought of you as John and liked it … Simon's going have some interesting mornings." she teased and was surprised when John went slightly red; then realising his embarrassment at his vulnerability she gave him a kiss and a smile with a gentle "See you at breakfast" and went to her room.

She showered and changed then popped into the kitchen to see Jackie only to be gently shooed out with instructions to go and wait with John. She didn't need telling twice so she went back into the apartment expecting to find him and found Simon putting the breakfast things on the dining table. He looked up and smiled saying. "Seconded to the washing up and waiting team"

Meg nodded with a smile letting him carry on, which he did with a wave of his hand in the right direction. "He needed some air so went out after Shep, just follow the path in front of the stable and onto the scrubland rather than the garden. Take this pager and we will call when food is ready the rest of the crowd is calling in so warn him."

Meg took the pager and followed the path slowing as she saw him sitting facing the wooded area waiting for something, and realised he was wearing his tinted glasses again and wondered if he wore them all the time when he was not in the apartment. There was a rustling of leaves and branches which soon parted as Shep bounded out at full speed coming to a sudden halt at John's feet, and stood panting with wagging tail as if asking for more.

John threw a stick which landed only a few feet away, undeterred Shep bounded full pelt past it into the bushes then a few minutes later came rushing out slowed down to pick up the stick then with a cheek bouncy run carried it and gently put it in John's lap. Instead asking for more he looked passed his master tail wagging madly and barked a greeting; then bounded towards her then back to John. Stopping for a moment with a playful bark before coming back to round her up as though she was not walking fast enough.

Meg gave a laugh and realised no one could not creep upon either of them now and then as she got closer and where they could see each other said. "Hi, he's got it down to a fine art."

Shep was still bouncing between the two of them in spite of the shortening distance.

John laughed watching them both, "Yes especially the cocky bit when he picks the stick up … he's only forgotten it once and ended up on my lap at full speed, very wet and muddy. After that Jackie and Simon forbid wet runs."

Shep bounded around them now looking hopefully at the stick on John's lap each time he passed him.

Meg smiled at the picture in her mind and commented. "You two suit each other." There was a bleeping sound and she added. "That's the pager they want us back, everyone is joining us is that all right?"

John knew the reason for the question even if she didn't and explained. "Yes. I'm full of contradictions … sometimes get uneasy with a lot of people around … sometimes I don't like being on my own … other times I only need Shep … I can't seem to win." He paused and knew he needed her help and asked. "After I've taken the brakes off could you help turn me there's a small hole I might get stuck in, then I can carry on. I must get Simon to fill it before it gets bigger. So, you are going to face the hooligans and café while I'm man handled or should that be woman handled..."

She laughed as she manoeuvred him round, finding it surprisingly easy having no previous experience and once he was lined up on the clear path he nodded his thanks and took over coming up beside him she asked slightly apprehensive. "What do you mean hooligans?"

With an air of innocence he said. "Children's club … at the weekends they come in and play games in the back room. We run a sort of computer game swap club, some of the kids cannot afford the games so they play them there, and some who haven't got computers can use them. Others do homework or just come to hang out, there is a small fee and then there's the Internet cafe run like Java web, we have regulars who don't have machines at home so they use it as a base with general gossip over a drink and food."

She was impressed by the idea and exclaimed. "Wow sounds good. Jackie will be with you this afternoon so Paul and I had better learn fast."

"Oh yes!" he said with a laugh then they walked the rest of the way in opened the door to the apartment and they joined the others, Shep rolled on a mat by the door then bounded over to his bowls of drink and food.

Jackie laughingly at Shep and Meg's expression explained. "Over the top way of cleaning his paws I did think of getting John to do it as well but his wheels are a bit big."

John huffed indignantly. "Hey! They are clean I kept to the path, which reminds me. Simon there's a hole that needs filling at the end by the bushes. I could not turn properly so Meg helped."

Simon gave him a mock salute then carried buttering his toast. John gave a very quiet huffy "the staff these days" while manoeuvring carefully.

Meg smiled at the banter and joining the group at the table said. "Paul, I think we've a difficult day ahead John called them hooligans" Jackie laughed, Simon shook his head with a look of mock horror on his face and Paul who'd watched them gave a dramatic sigh. "Oh great! … And there we were on a quiet holiday weekend."

Meg grinned as she sat down; with a slight smile John wheeled himself into position at the table and looking at Paul said innocently. "Fine, I'll take the kids you can be battered by Jackie fair exchange." and slipped the leather gloves off and put the in a pocket on the chair.

Mandy and Jack looked at each other with a smile as they joined them having come through from the other apartment. While Jackie put a plate of food in front of John with a gentle but definite "No way lad after you have shown them the 'ropes', brought back some work and the workmen have gone you areall mine!"

"Damn!" John replied and started eat as the others laughed and then joined him.

oxoxo

It was late afternoon and Meg had left Paul to finish and close up the computer club. Everything had gone smoothly they had been warmly welcomed as helpers or though sympathy was expressed regarding the car breaking down, car horror stories were exchanged with glee. They enjoyed the banter and friendliness of the kids joining in with making a banner for the shop to explain who they were and why the change. As things had slowed down Paul insisted she leave and now she was going to walk through the hotel and grounds to Jackie's apartment, after all she was meant to be staying at the hotel.

She walked into the reception area of the hotel and stopped amazed at the size and beauty of the hotel. The foyer was large with corridors off to other rooms and a large reception desk was in the right hand alcove of the stairway. And what a stairway, it reminded her of a period film set with its wide central curved staircase which split left and right at the first floor, with a wide balcony to the rooms upstairs. Setting the whole thing off was an impressive chandelier with matching crystal lights on the walls.

Her mind drifted imagining ladies in their long dresses sweeping down the stairs ready to go out, their horse and carriages in the courtyard when a gentle "You like our little old home then?" brought her back to the present day.

She gave a soft, "Yes Jack it is so beautiful and large."

He smiled always getting a thrill from the first impressions of their guests and said in a gentle in matter a fact way. "Of course you are seeing the back of the house." He gave a gentle laugh at her reaction and carried on. "Actually this house has two fronts … come on through, the side door which Mandy and I use is the official back door, you know servants entrance."

She laughed at his tone as he said the last words and followed him through the doorway near the reception table. The young lady who sat there smiled hearing the comment and gave a nod of acknowledgement as she answered the phone. Around them was a comfortable welcoming silence broken by the occasional distance noise of people talking as they worked.

As Jack passed a couple of guestrooms he opened the doors so she could look in. The rooms were large and beautifully laid out and said luxury and comfort but not so much it would over whelmed the occupier and commented. "They are the same as upstairs and the third floor, twenty five bedroom suites in total, two large dining rooms, two sitting rooms, small games room and a conservatory, which acts as a day room in the autumn or winter and of course a kitchen. There's a small covered swimming pool round the side by the small lodge. Mandy and I have the servants' rooms near the back door, it means we can come and go without bumping into guests all the time."

Meg was amazed by it all but still curious about his earlier statement. "Why do you say two fronts?"

"Well the original owners needed to face their 'town' hence the driveway and posh front but they also needed to look across the valley and their lands. Let the workers see what a wonderful place it was and there was the competition as well. Keeping one step in front of your neighbours not only in the town but across the valley as well … sort of seeing is knowing your wealth."

Meg laughed as Jack carried on. "On a good day you can still see across the top of the valley, the other house was unfortunately burnt down many years ago … nothing bad just an electrical fault … but there was friendly rivalry between the two families they were cousins. Mixed farming, wood from the mountains and of course guides were needed and trade with outsiders using the rail link further down, all very peaceful just like the valley. There used to be a bridleway right the way across the valley to the other house and town, we are restoring it and hopefully we'll take rides a cross, possibly take the carriage as well at the moment they only go half way or go down the valley."

Meg gazed around, as she followed him from dinning room, sitting room and out into the conservatory then into the garden. She realised that although it kept an old fashioned quaintness a lot of it was fresh and new and asked. "Is it all new? … How long have you been here?" She stopped and looked over the garden it was all on a slight slope, cultivated garden gave way to countryside mixture of small wooded areas with green fields beyond and a small river running down from the mountains, she idly wondered where the river came from and exclaimed. "It's so beautiful."

Jack stayed silent as Meg turned round taking in the view, it was breath taking and as it was clear she could see right across the valley though it was difficult to make out the houses in the town on the opposite side. She guessed you would see the lights at night and knew the sun was adding its own beauty to the mixed colours of autumn as it started its slow decent behind the mountain ridge, which sheltered the valley.

After a moment Jack said. "I expect John will take you to the beauty spots when Jackie gives him the all clear." then answered her earlier question. "Yes, a lot of the things are new it was refurbished last and this year. Come sit over here and I'll give you a quick history lesson."

He led her over to a garden seat before continuing. "Val's company did the downstairs before that we had a local firm do the upstairs and that was our downfall. … They were meant to do it all but went bust and we had a water leak just as they finished work upstairs. It ruined the top two floors, as it was not noticed for twenty-four hours. The insurance company washed their hands of it because the company had failed to keep up their payments. We could not fight it because the bank was calling all our debts. … We had taken a gamble and lost … our combined salaries would not pay for any of it … … So to pay we had to sell the house …a ruined house in fact. We had an offer from a big multi-chain group … a month to accept and get out. If we were lucky we would have been in the empty barn with camp beds … but I doubt they would have let us."

He gave a sad smile remembering the heart ache and then carried on softly. "But our miracle happened … we found John … out of his need for secrecy I found I had five million dollars so with the Bank manger's knowledge I took John's money invested four million in a working account being able to use the interest as necessary and one million for his immediate future which meant securing the hotel as a business.

The bank manager insisted we used Val's firm as they had a good reputation." He smiled as he carried on in a happier tone, "and liked hard luck stories, she did it quickly and sorted out the apartments. One so Jackie and Simon could be on call but have privacy and the other was a large hospital room at first, we could have put panels up afterwards but John liked the feel of space so we kept it. Val never met John or knew his name the work was done by the time he came out of hospital and the hotel plodded along and we opened in February. The rest pays for his treatment as well as Jackie and Simon's wages; Mandy and her brother are his doctors as you can see it's a family business."

Jack paused for a moment and looked back at the beautiful house as he continued his tone of voice showed his feelings. "This house has been in Mandy's family since it was built; my family knew it through the generations and we would have been devastated if we had lost it. The farmland was rented out years ago, so we would have been kicking other families out of their homes to save our own if we tried selling them to raise the money … did not seem right really.

Luckily when John came round he agreed I did the right thing even better he started to invest in the future not only for the hotel and stables but also in the town." Jack smiled at Meg's gentle laugh. "Oh I would have found a way to pay him back if he really insisted … dollar a week out of my pay … granted it was in his best interest to stay with us …he was in the apartment and comfortable."

He gave chuckle. "The best of it was we liked each other even if the conversation was all on our side at the beginning and all he could see was the ceiling. … We had a special projector and monitor so he could read and have a different view … surprising what you can tell from a yes and no button and then later they were words spelt out on a screen. Guess it would have been difficult for him to say no with nowhere to go."

Meg smiled and ran her fingers through her hair brushing it away from her face, last night their chatter had been about her and Paul and their arrival here. Now for the first time she was alone with Jack really realising the enormity of their commitment regardless of the financial rewards and knowing it went deeper with him and with a lot of emotion she said. "Thank you for saving him and looking after him."

Jack looked at Meg with a gentle smile and admitted. "The moment I found him in the van, he became my son … … and luckily Mandy, Jackie and Simon felt the same way…. He's given us a stronger sense of family … It's not been easy for any of us … … it's not about the money though it's helped of course.

He moved on not wanting to dwell on the beginning too much. "We can stay in our family home and I can retire next July/August and help run the riding side of the hotel with Simon. … We choose our guests carefully … mainly from the other side of the Country or Canada … several guests who visited earlier this year are returning to see what it is like in the autumn … walkers, riders as well as the retired which means mixed ages, a nice mixture."

"Is that to protect John?"

"Yes, we are never fully booked just enough to tick over, though that will change as people want to return … most of the guests are wealthy and expect to pay our prices. We take them up into the mountains for a couple of hours or days … roughing it, then they come back to recover or they can go down in the valley for the gentler walks and rides we are close enough for the odd trip into Canada as well, some just come for the peace, quiet and the view.

With John getting more mobile Simon will do more riding and Jackie will find another patient. He's also taken a gamble by buying another carriage for weddings etc and then there's the covered riding area near the paddock. … All his calls are taken at the hotel and past onto him via the computer or Jackie so we don't disturb him but he can make calls out. The bank manager knows he's on a protection scheme and makes sure he deals with his account otherwise the business friends he has are his own and I've a friendly arrangement with the editor to keep John out of the paper but he doesn't know why."

He looked at Meg and gave a gentle laugh. "You know since finding John our crime detection rate has gone up." Meg looked at him puzzled. "The other officers with me that day always look in trunks and backs of vans if they are stopped for any reason and especially accidents and you'd be surprised what people try and hide. Two runaway couples … not at once you understand … one we let go and the other we had to send home with follow up to make sure they were safe till they came of age to leave freely. Otherwise it's the usually things from robberies, unwanted animals etc and word has got around so the bad boys have moved on." He sighed and looked across at the view and admitted. "I still get nightmares about finding him or not finding him at all yet knowing he should be, but they are fewer and farther between now." and ended gently "I understand he had help his last night, how did you find it."

Meg smiled at the last bit and was amazed at her soulmate who was so independent and now needed so much help and yet he managed to give as he had before. He had not hidden himself away to wallow in his misfortune he had fought back and kept an interest in life. ... His mental strength had stayed with him all the way through … his brother had not broken him … and she could understand how comfortable he had felt around Jack and the others as she did now, happy to talk about her feelings. "Good, …finally realising it is true. … I went to say goodnight to him and found the bedroom was too far away so I slept on the sofa … he called out and I went to him, held his hands to stop him hurting himself. With Simon's help we grounded him, and he asked me to stay. So Simon turned him and I slept with John till Shep's cold nose woke me up."

Jack chuckled and said "Of course winning Shep over is half the battle. Simon will always have to turn John during the night and help him, trouble is when he thrashes around he could easily strain his back, as he cannot move his legs. … You never know, now that feeling is coming back he might be able to kick you out of bed … … but that could be months away." He paused and looked at her and said softly, "I'm glad you've turned up … even yesterday evening when we were talking he looked more at peace … even if he doesn't realise it himself yet. … Things may get rough at times and you have not got your family or friends to fall back on … so I want you know that Mandy and I will be here for both of you."

Meg looked at him realising she would not necessarily have Paul around and said. "Thank you and I will remember that."

He nodded and reinforced his words. "I mean it when I say I can be impartial regarding any of them. … I run a police department don't forget. Now go and see him I think he should be waking up now. Go though Jackie's end to make sure it's all right. The entrance is through that archway over there."

They both got up and Jack gave her a hug before she left.

Feeling settled she walked along the pathway through the archway and into the apartment.

Jackie was in an armchair reading a book, a machine on the table beside her was giving a regular bleep just loud enough to be notice; the kettle in the kitchen area was just starting to steam as it comes to the boil.

She looked up and said with a cheeky smile. "Hi Meg. All in one piece?"

Meg gave a chuckle. "Yes thank you, saw Jack and the hotel … how's John?"

Jackie got up and started to make a cup of tea Meg nodded acceptance to the silent offer. "He should be waking soon, the monitor will tell me when, that way I don't have to stand over him just check him occasionally. He has a call button to press as well, if you want to you can go through, he rigged up you're laptop on a side table in the dinning area. There is music on to make sure he wakes up to something rather than silence. He knows where he is when he really wakes, but sometimes it's those moments just before and he thinks he's back in the van or basement and it throws him. … … He's still shaky about you being here, although it's good kind of shaky if you know what I mean. … … No doubt he will be cranky about me when he wakes up so don't worry about it."

Meg laughed and accepted her cup of tea and made her way through to John's apartment, she stopped to look at him sleeping. He looked so relaxed and gorgeous, she remembered him as he had been in the mornings at Ocean Drive and Santa Barbara and thought the grey flecks made him more distinguished.

Smiling as she noted his fringe was as wayward as ever and wondered if it tickled him as he slept, though she liked it that way. Without thinking she moved a step closer towards the bed to brush it back and heard a gentle growl at her feet and saw Shep lying beside the bed his dark eyes watching her. The low rumbling growl came again, it was quiet enough not to wake his master but there was a definite command - 'leave my master alone'.

She accepted it with a smile stepped back then walked towards the dinning area and settled down to check her emails. While waiting for it to come on line and download she wondered if they would hear back from the hotel in Canada about paying for cancellation, the music in the background made her relax and close her eyes.

In her mind she could see a gentle breeze travelling down the hillside through the trees into a valley through the field on through the towns till it met the sea with the waves gently breaking on the shore. She felt a nuzzle on her thigh and looked down to see Shep looking at her with his tail wagging, as soon as he knew he had her attention he ran back towards John then towards the end of the dinning table where he pushed the metal plate with his nose. As the door to the outside opened and he looked back at her then at John.

She smiled and said, "Go on then. I'll watch him … talk about living up to your name." and got up, Shep was off like a shot.

Meg walked over to the sofa smiling at the picture of John getting tangled with the door as it opened inwards; she had thought the push plate would be on the framework as it had been outside. Of course if you were at the table and leant against it, that could be interesting as well as draughty. She resisted the temptation to go over to Ben and hold his hand so found a magazine to look at while also registering the equipment, which had been put up in the hospital end as Jackie called it.

She read the first article and heard John stir, just a movement of his arm as he lay on his side with pillows supporting him so he could not move. She knew Jackie wanted him still till she and Simon could move him so she got up and saw him, still with his eyes closed so not fully awake press the buzzer that was in his hand and heard three bleeps. It was like an instinctive reaction for him and made her think of the weeks he had been unable to move at all, she noticed the clip on the end of a finger, and realised it would be the one hooked up to the monitor in Jackie's apartment. She saw his eyes open and look at her and there was puzzle/surprised voice in his voice as he said "Still here … not a dream then."

She smiled and reassured him. "No not a dream and don't move till Jackie comes, Shep has gone out for a walk."

John relaxed and smiled commenting "Left you on guard … you're honoured … he usually crosses all four legs till Jackie or Simon comes."

Meg could not help laughing at the picture he painted and heard Jackie come through from the other apartment and her bright greeting. "Well sleeping beauty awake then!"

"Yeah wicked stepmother does it again!" Was his quick reply.

"Oh I see and I suppose you want the princess to wake you up with a kiss." Jackie said with a tease as she glanced at both of them, ending with a gentle command. "Not this time sunshine!"

"Damn, should have thought of that earlier Meg!" He replied with a bit of a wince in his voice, which Jackie picked up on immediately.

"Okay where is the pain."

"Middle back and I need the bathroom unless..."

Jackie gently cut in. "No you're a big boy now … so press for Simon and hold on while I get rid of the twinge."

Meg watched fascinated as Jackie, who was wearing trousers, eased the pillows away from John so he was lying face down, and with his face turned to the side so he could breathe. Pulling the blanket down to just below his waist she then knelt up on the board, which was under him, so she straddled him at thigh height. She then started to slowly and gently massage his back, as she got the right spot there came a groan from John.

Just after the gentle whoosh of the door opening there came a teasing exclamation "You rang! …Umm Do you think it wise for me to come in?" Simon looked at Meg with a grin then carried on to explain "It's called a hard bed Meg because it's hard for me to see her this way."

Meg laughed gently then broke into a fit of giggles, which was joined by Jackie who had stopped massaging John.

John exclaimed. "Hell! Simon I know I need the bathroom but you don't have to come dressed like that!"

Simon looked hurt but then his voice gave away the tease. "Oh come on! What do expect me to do wash Jack's cars down in a suit? There are ten of the damn things!" He was wearing waterproof suit, which was wet, he started to peel it off before coming in and carried on. "You really don't want to know where they've been either … Of course I could have gone riding … been longer. …Saw Shep with Jack so I guessed everything was all right in here, did he leave you in charge Meg?"

Meg nodded as John said. "Jackie its okay now and I really need to move … like now Simon!" Jackie got off the bed and wrapped him back up in the blanket.

Simon smiled and moved quickly getting the wheelchair and Jackie came over to Meg. "We'll let the boys deal with it now. Simon, no twisting as he gets up, or in the shower … just a quickie."

There was look of pure innocence which passed between John and Simon as he manoeuvred John into the chair using the hoist and then said with equal innocence "Would not dream of it sweetheart."

Jackie shook her head smiling as she watched them disappear into the bathroom; she collapsed the board and made the bed but left the pillows, sorted out some clothes and put them by the bathroom door. "Give them five minutes and it will sound as though there's a hundred in there."

Smiling Meg went back to her check the emails and found one from the Canadian hotel explaining they could give them another date for a weekend in October if they wanted but needed an answer by eight in the evening. She rang Paul and explained giving him the details so he could reply after checking with Val.

Jackie stopped the CDs and got things together in the kitchen area, glancing over at the nearly silent bathroom in disbelief and again when Simon came out grabbing the clean clothes giving her an oh so innocent smile at the same time.

When they finally emerged Meg had moved over to the sofa and smiled admiring John in his white sweater and jeans, he smiled back at her then at Jackie asking innocently. "Tea ready yet?" Simon ducked back into the bathroom but left the door open this time.

Jackie smiled and teased. "Guess there's a first time for everything … or are you trying to impress a certain young lady!"

"As if … I thought we could have tea in the garden, show Meg."

Jackie took the drinks over to the table making way for John to park himself in his usual spot between two of the sofas then sat next to him as she answered his suggestion. "No John … and Simon will manoeuvre you out when needs be."

Meg was shocked by the suddenly flash of anger, which crossed his face at her words Jackie was not fazed by it and carried explaining. "I can not risk you twisting your back and it's too cold outside your back will stiffen."

John interrupted angrily "Jackie! … Simon can wheel me! … I'll wrap up!"

Jackie answered calmly but firmly. "No! You'll stay in and relax and have a sedative tonight." Understanding where his anger and frustration were coming from and knowing she could not risk the consequences she stood firm. "You know if you are not careful today, tomorrow and Monday you will end up looking at that ceiling for another month! … You don't want it nor do I! … So accept it. … You can stay in here with Meg this evening for a while but sleep alone. Simon will be on the sofa or you'll be monitored up to you which. In the morning we will see what the weather is like and if it is warm you and Simon can take Meg to the garden lunchtime, then we will have a session again in the afternoon and the same for the evening and night."

John looked like thunder as he listened then spat out in full fury, anger and hurt. "Hell! I can't do anything! You're just like …"

"John! Stop!" Simon cut in having finished tiding up and hearing some of the exchange. It was said with a gentle command, which got through to John, who closed his eyes for a couple of minutes trying tune down his emotions regretting his words knowing the last thing he wanted to was to hurt them and have their pity … Meg's pity. He hit out silently at the memories of the basement with the fact everyone here was helping get his life and love back.

Simon quietly sat on the other sofa ready to take control if need be. He knew it would only take something small to send it to the next level and they hadn't had that for a while. He hoped Meg would understand that quietness was the best action a smile could be misunderstood as John flashed back and forth with the emotional flashbacks Jackie's orders had brought on.

Jackie stayed where she was keeping any hurt she felt out of her face, knowing she was in fact in hit distance if things took a turn for the worse, but also knew moving away would send the wrong signals to John and he didn't need that.

John opened his eyes and looked at Jackie and saw Simon had joined them, noted nether looked angry just quietly waiting. He breathed quietly feeling the anger dying as reason took over and knew acceptance was the right thing and why and said softly. "I'm sorry …. I'll be good and wait."

Jackie and Simon nodded knowing the flash was over he was back to being John.

John glanced across at Meg saw her shock said gently and honestly. "Sorry Meg … can't say it won't happen again though." hoping she would understand.

Shaken by the outburst Meg took her cue from the others and nodded her acceptance and understanding. She knew from his tone he was ashamed he'd hit out in such away and she'd seen it.

Jackie handed John his cup of tea and biscuits and he smiled his thanks.

Simon catching his eye said in a tone they both understood. "Its okay." then turned his attention to Meg saying. "Meg, would you and Paul like to come out on one of the gentle valley rides tomorrow afternoon."

Meg answered automatically, "Loved to … though I have not ridden for a couple of years I used to ride a lot at home … I know Paul rode in Australia."

"Good we can take a couple of new ones on a lead see how they like it. If you need clothes we've got some spares at the hotel which we give guests. Paul due back soon?"

"Are you taking Stephen as well?" John interrupted quietly.

"Yes, we'll lead out Blacky and Thor."

Feeling the atmosphere was back to normal Meg guessed that was what Jackie called her volcano erupting … well a rumble anyway. She could understand it; he was feeling as though things were being taken away again just when he wanted to take her out alone, and answered the question. "Yes he was finishing things up and sorting out about the Canadian hotel … they have offered another weekend so he's going to ring Val and deal with it."

She smiled as she remembered the afternoon and carried on. "It was fun in the club, of course everyone was pleased with the news and accepted us, and some of the kids put a sign up so we did not have to keep introducing ourselves or explain … kids and machines were on good behaviour. Oh yes I brought some papers back with me … Patrick wanted an answer by tomorrow if possible if that makes sense."

John remembered about that and answered. "Yes I'll do that now while you finish your mail. Jackie can you grab the phone for me? You could take Sandie out he'd like the change."

"Umm good idea." Simon said and took a couple of biscuits and started to read the paper.

Meg got up and found the papers she had put in her bag then handed them to John who started to look through them. She grabbed a couple of biscuits and went back to her emails got rid of the junk mail and opened the one from Robert; she could not sigh or swear as she was munching a biscuit so froze as she read the email.

**Hi Meg **

**Congratulations! …. A little bird told me that Sunset Sister have one first prize, Sara will be told officially in a couple of days. So it's all hush hush.**

**I'm out of town at the moment but email will get near immediate response if private just write 'private M' in the information slip and no one else will open it. **

**So I guess you will be travelling to our neck of the woods again. **

**If you wish I could act air taxi as I'm travelling to Sunset to see Mandy to finalize a couple of things in the office. Good news about her mother she has decided to accept the place in shelter apartments. You can stay the night before for an early start, family would love to see you again, and I can come back to Seattle at anytime, my business will be finished late morning but more than happy to stay overnight as well if that is what you want. **

**I understand there will be publicity photos in the morning and no doubt an informal gathering at The Deep in the evening. **

**The Gallery came second and Bluebell came third (must remember to take flowers back with me). Let me know your wishes.**

**Hope Paul is not working you too hard if he is let me know and I will tell Mat I know he is hankering after an excuse to leave the office for a couple of days. **

**Robert.**

She looked across at John and Simon who had just manoeuvred out of the lounge area hoping this would not start a fresh eruption and said. "Sunset Sisters has won, The Gallery came second, Bluebell which is a florist third. Robert has offered to take me from Seattle, I can stay with him the night before and he'll take me back whatever time I want. I can use commercial flights in and out of Seattle … I'll plead full work load if you want me too."

There was a flash of fear as he looked at her then at Jack who had just come in with Shep and had heard her words and understood John's fears and said gently to him. "You know she has to go, I've done a quick check on Robert he's okay … we can use him as back up for her."

Jack turned to Meg and continued. "If you do stay in Sunset Beach over night come back early morning the less time you are there the better. Think what you've already said about staying … would it sound odd if you rushed away. …. You will have to talk to Ben and his family you must make it as natural as you can … don't clam up on him at all nor do you want to give too much away, same with your family and friends." Jack stopped he noticed her shiver as he mentioned Ben's name and added gently. "All anger has to go … he is an ex-boy friend who is now a friend, don't forget she was a friend of yours as well."

Meg nodded realising the complications of either action and knew going was really the only action and the one she wanted to do.

John sighed he knew deep down she would go … he wanted her family to be complete … they should know she was going to leave because she wanted to and not because of her anger with her father. He had to know that by seeing it in his daughter's face not in a letter or a phone call. He flashed back to his own family and parting and knew the pain would be worse … and he was doing it to her … if only he could … he watched her and knew he did not have a choice … his brother would start poking around if she stayed away.

He saw the love in her eyes as she looked back at him and it gave him the strength he needed to keep his voice steady so it would give her confidence she needed. "Okay but stay with Robert or your family as much as you can especially if there is do at The Deep."

She gave a slight smile and explained her racing thoughts "It's informal so it can be one drink then go, the photo shot is in the shop. Robert says Mat is looking for a reason to leave the office perhaps they could fly here and see you. … I would like you to meet them; you will rest better understanding why I trust them. ... I'd rather see him face to face and explain and not just as we are flying into Sunset. Paul can write to Mat and make sure our information is kept to a minimum. I'll stay at Sara's and pack a few things that way I can avoid Dad if he suddenly starts sniffing for information, then use her need for rest as an excuse for staying away till the birth.

The rest of the gang will be there and I can use Robert as an excuse if I need to leave before the evening. I did warn Sara it might only be for the day so that will be okay." Meg watched both of them waiting knowing she could do it and reasoned the twin had his daughter so would stay away from her.

Jack nodded while looking at John and Meg wondered if they could read each other's mind because it was Jack who answered. "Sounds good I'll give you my special mobile number for Robert and I'll pick him or them up at the airport. I'll take Paul with me for ID … ask them to use a different plane if possible, no doubt Ben knows Robert's plane number and could call it to check flight plans if needs be. I know it sounds paranoid but for the moment let's try and keep it quiet. We'll work out what information you can give your family when they come as Robert will have an up to date picture of the circumstances. Usually in a protection scheme all contact is cut with the old life, this time we have to make an exception so we will have to be very careful and make sure the situation does not snowball out of control."

Meg sat for the moment thinking of what to say back to Robert, she looked up as she heard John's gentle laugh "Difficult on paper isn't it." She nodded.

"What is?" Paul asked from the doorway and being playfully attacked by Shep.

"Shep leave!" John ordered then added jokingly "Survived then?"

"Yes so did you by the looks of things ... Oh here's a rose from your secret admirer." Paul walked over to John who had carefully wheeled himself over to the dinning area to help Meg with the email. John smiled and took the deep yellow rose. "Ah from Mrs Robinson. I'm sorry I missed her, which grandchild was it this week?"

Paul laughed at Meg's puzzled expression. "She came in after you left … car trouble … must be catching. Her grandson is in Japan ... She's in her seventies and knows her way round the computer as good as anyone half her age. She found the web pages about the towns he's going to and been to … then zapped off mail to her daughter in India and all the rest around the world. She wants to check travel information on Monday morning going visiting again. Oh yes Val has marked down the weekend for Canada she'll let me know details when we get back on Tuesday. So what's the action?"

Meg explained. "Sunset Sisters came first and Mat is looking for an excuse to get away and Robert wants to make sure you're not working me too hard. So if you could write to Mat and ask him to fly here with Robert before I have to go then we can introduce them to John and explain everything face to face."

Paul nodded and said slowly thinking things through. "Should work out … and I'll make sure all work information is kept under wraps. Umm I think Mat said Robert was over there this weekend till Tuesday … Can I use your machine?"

Meg smiled at his reaction and at the thought that crossed her mind which she voiced. "After I've sorted out what to say … everything sound so melodramatic. Please see me. Tell no one and destroy all details – Eat the computer."

They all laughed at that one.

Paul went over for a cup of tea and chatted to Jackie while John and Meg sorted out the email.

In the end Meg printed in the heading "**As requested … Very Private M."**

**Hi Robert**

**Great news pleased for Sara I know she's worked hard. I'm fine but not where I'm meant to be … sounds familiar doesn't it. **

**I've a big favour to ask you, I need to stay hidden so could you delete mail to and from me past and as you do it … and I need your help when I go home. Reason is good not bad. **

**I will be asking you to keep a secret from family and friends yours and mine. **

**If you don't want to do this please tell me now and I will understand. Just keep my work place etc private will be enough I don't want to lose your friendship. **

**I would like to take you up on your offer of an air taxi in any case. If that is all right with you.**

**If you are willing to help I would like to explain face to face before I need to travel, you know where I am based, I think you are visiting my bosses friend he is welcome to come. **

**If you do please come on a different plane, possibly name as well, let me know when perhaps overnight would be best. Will give you contact number on your answer.**

**Thank you.**

**Meg**

She let John have a look he smiled and nodded she sent it and then after they'd cleared the area Paul sat at the machine to send his mail.

"**Private for Matthew only"**

**Hi Mat**

**Need a big favour with no questions asked at the moment.**

**Anything to do with Meg must be destroyed or kept under wraps as though it was a trade secret. **

**I think our mutual friend is staying with you this weekend we need to see you both as soon as possible. It's really good not bad and nothing illegal just something you will not be able to mention to anyone else.**

**I know curiosity will get the better of you so see you soon. **

**Paul**

Paul got up and joined the group saying. "Right that's done I should think we will hear in the morning knowing Mat. As you can see we survived the club … in fact its fun. We'll open after the service in the morning and close about half one, if you don't mind Meg."

"No that's fine Simon's offered us a ride with the horses in the afternoon while Jackie's attacking John.**"**

"Umm can see I'm going to get ganged up on." Jackie said with a smile then added. "I'm very gentle really." Then looked round the group and said seriously. "Orders for food as its Saturday."

"Sounds good … what do you mean orders for food?" Paul asked.

John replied "We order from the hotel's menu it's on the unit over there it's one of the joy's of being attached to the hotel the other is they do all the cleaning. I assume they can stay here." John looked over at Jack.

Jack knew exactly who he meant and answered. "Yes we've got spare rooms … so a working meal in progress. … Don't forget it will help if Meg is seen leaving and entering the hotel occasionally, though a Jackie and Meg friendship is a good cover as word gets around. … I'll leave you youngsters to it. Simon, if you want to show Paul the night life Mandy and I will be at home and on call."

"Umm good idea what about it you two." Simon looked at Paul and Jackie who had made their way over to the unit to look at the menu and both nodded acceptance, Jackie added "We will not be late as John needs an early night."

"You need to watch Paul though he likes taking over nightclubs." John said with a wicked smile.

"Only if they are free of charge and come with a profit. Hey! Roast chicken and apple pie Umm too good to miss."

oxoxo

Would love to know what you think so please review no matter how long this story has been up.


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

Meg sat on the sofa carefully resting her head on John's shoulder though the rest of her weight was against the chair it was perfectly comfortable and she felt as though they had been together for ages not for just over a day. The banter during the meal along with John's gently teasing of Jackie as she checked everything was all right for a second time before she left with Simon and Paul, showed her that his moods were only temporary and accepted by both of them.

Shep lay on the half rug in front of the fire sleepily watching them as they listened to a CD John had flicked on. It changed from ones she had not heard before to one they knew very well, and both sat in memories as they listened, when it finished and another gentle ballad came on he broke their silence. "I know we've agreed to let things in our past go for the moment but I know how you feel about marriage and that's one thing I cannot do…"

"I know," she said gently shifting round so she could talk to him better without losing too much contact and he would not have to twist to see her and carried on. "You would not feel it was right and I accept that. One day we will and until then living with you will be fine. I told you before we had our service I only wanted to do it once … as far as I'm concerned this is the right thing to do."

He looked at her knowing her past and said concerned. "It goes against everything you and your family have been brought up with and believe in."

She smiled thinking about the words she had thrown at her father and then compared it with her feelings about today and yesterday and her future. She lost the smile for a moment but her voice was loving as she spoke. "I know that once we exchanged vows that day you never took your ring off till it was taken from you by your brother. You never lost that strong inner core I love. I took my rings off and was willing to walk away from you." She felt his touch of love and reassurance as she carried on. "I know we had lies thrown at us from many directions …You were willing to standby what you thought was right for Maria and myself … I wish I had had your inner strength but I didn't then …I hope to prove I'm stronger now I know the truth … and that is I do love you … always will. … The certificate and blessing is not important because I'm sure God understands our reasons … and surely our coming together again like this must mean something.

He smiled but his voice was a little unsure as he spoke. "I'm not the same person as you know from this afternoon... and that was mild partly because Simon was there to stop it. … Sometimes I can't stop it. … You might not feel you can take it. … There will be no pressure for you to stay if you find it too much … I need to know … …that you can if needs be walk away from me and be safe and happy."

Meg had not expected that and thought for a moment realising how vulnerable he could feel even here and answered truthfully. "I cannot begin understand how you managed to cope with the past year, today I saw frustration at what has happened to you flare up and I wanted to hug and love you not walk away. … I think you know that. … If it will make you feel easier I will be independent in work and financially but we will be joined in love and if we should have children they will have my name but your love. I know that we need time. … Remember in the past when it was just the two of us against the world we came through with love … it was when other people came between us that we failed. … We don't have that anymore … we have friends who want us to be together in spite of everything as we will build on that."

He could hear and feel the warmth and love in her words and nodded and smiled saying gently "Thank you."

She smiled and added cheekily. "Now we can scream at each other in peace."

He laughed then asked "Tell me about Sunset Sisters I mean you and your sister were a bit…"

Meg gently laughed at his loss of words and remembered the last time he seen them together. - Sara had been dumped by Casey and she had ended up in Casey's arms because of what she had seen in Casita, they would sort that out another time. It was true they were not getting along and said in a soft serious tone. "Well we never threw the furniture at each other … but we didn't talk much either… When we were kids we used to play shops and enjoyed it also I suppose seeing Mum and Dad doing it and enjoying it at the Shock Wave sort of like seeded the idea in both of us. Sara came into some money and I had the money from Lib Corp. we both needed something to do. She was bored at the Shock Wave and amazingly we had the same idea and unknown to each other ended up looking at the same empty shop at the same time."

She laughed at the memory and said. "Poor Casey found himself in the middle of it and a bunch of flowers but somehow it broke the ice for them. Sara and I argued over who should get the shop I went to Mum in the Shock Wave in a huff and Mum suggested we work together rather than against each other … I think we would have got our heads knocked together if we hadn't.

She eyed him at his soft chuckle and carried on. "Anyway we decided to try it together and roped Casey and Dad to help with the decorating etc and from there we started to bond again. The three of us … on the night Michael proposed to Vanessa. Michael had a surprise party set up in the park. I know it was illegal but no one stopped it. Casey helped Michael set up the lights and speaker centre for the music and Sara was with Vanessa and the others. Toasts were made and Sara and Casey got talking and dancing like a lot of others that night … and they really found out they loved each other regardless of the past. Sara and I get on well we still have arguments though … that will never stop but she has settled down a bit … well had to now she is expecting." She added with a chuckle.

John smiled and said "I'm glad Michael and Vanessa finally got together" then added softly to himself. "I would have liked to have seen that and the wedding."

She wondered what to say everything sounded to trite, could never take the pain away and to say they missed him would be a lie, they thought he was there with his family … she shifted and put her hand on his arm and said softly. "I know … they are happy Michael works in the hospital as a therapist now and Vanessa has had a few stories printed in the other papers. Her parents are back together again because Tyus helped find a cure for her mother's illness. He walked Vanessa down the aisle because her father was stuck abroad by a snow storm but the parents met up afterwards and went to Venice with them different hotels of course." She came to a stop knowing that was what they'd dreamed of.

He saw her concern, confusion and wanted to take her pain away. He had come to terms with the things his brother had done and the things he would never be able to do … their honeymoon was one of them and said gently. "I'm sorry it makes it difficult for you … that will never be ours but I'm glad they managed it. … … I understand you and the others did not miss me … … I hope you'll tell me about their wedding and Bette's but another day and without feeling guilty."

She nodded smiling amazed how he tried to put other peoples feeling first and knew she might be able to do it.

John asked. "After Sara and Casey got back together again did you stay at Surf Central long? Meg hesitated and he carried on gently. "Tell me. … My brother told me lies and the papers take too long to read I need to know to ground myself." He gave a gentle smile "I feel a bit like a kid who has been away come back and found something has the room changed and wants to know the background to it. … I know I can't change things … we both have to live with that … Mandy's told you my story which is boring … I pissed the jailers off a few times and after awhile even the spiders packed up and left."

She giggled feeling a bit better, realising like him she could not change the past and he had to know how she saw things and started gently. "Okay … I knew Casey and I could only be friends I also knew how my sister felt about that friendship. So they'd needed some space even before they got together …of course once they started dating they would start feeling sorry for me. You know ... the sudden silences between as I walked in the room or no cuddling on the sofa or the hesitation about staying over. I didn't want that. … Though I know and understand if we go out we will be cooler towards each other and that will be all right with me." She sighed remembering the next bit. "Then I got the letter from your brother … I knew I needed to be alone, stand up for myself I suppose."

Watching her, John gently touched her cheek and said softly. "Remember this is in the past we have each other now. … Was it that bad? … The letter."

She looked at him feeling his love and his touch revelling in the fact he was there and answered truthfully. "Yes and no … I had left you before the Seattle trip because I thought you should be with your family so the letter made sense and was cold enough to stop me from worrying him so in that respect it was good. Part of me now wishes I had your letter first then and I could have changed things, but I know I could have made things worse ... you and or I could have been killed before anyone believed me. I've got them back at base we can discuss it another time. There is something I want you to know though."

John gave a small nod staying silent as she took a deep breath let it out gently before admitting. "When I left you a small part of me hoped you would come and run off with me, yet at the same time part of me knew you would not. Not only because it was not the right thing to do it would have killed our love. You needed to stand by your wife and then come to me at the right time facing my father as an equal and knowing there would be no strings attached to our love."

She saw a slight smile pass his across his face and she realised he had actually thought of doing it but had reframed, and heard his gentle words. "Your right it would have been wrong. I love you too much to do it and I respect your father's love for you."

She nodded and then gave a little laugh which had a hint of sadness. "In trying to protect me he lost my love and respect but that will come back especially now." her tone changed as she carried on. "My apartment seems to be a gold mine; it's a luxury one fully furnished, the people who were going to buy furnished it before pulling out of the deal. … In with Derek's letter was the key and deeds to the Casita, he said, as it was in my name I could do what I wanted with it. I knew I could never go back there, just kept the good memories.

After reading the letter I walked the streets and found the apartment … was shown round it and fell in love with it. There was a smaller one but I never saw that … three bedrooms miles too big I know but I loved the feel of it." She saw his look that she would hate losing it and added quickly. "But it's just the right size for Sara and swings in the garden for the kids … the man who showed me round accepted the deeds as payment. I moved in immediately … I assumed I would be told when I would have to start paying rent not just essentials, when I asked because I was leaving I was told it was okay the apartment was mine and they would charge the going rate to first my tenants. According to Sara she is paying just the essentials and yet I still get a payment from the apartment. … Simon and George who first had it paid the same."

John looked puzzled and asked. "When Jack and I scanned the Internet I saw you had moved but never managed to place your address … is it a new one then?"

"Yes, it was finished and opened in September '99 they built some detached houses later and Ricardo and Gabi are in one. It's on the edge of town used to be a factory come warehouse site, I think one of the names put forward by the owner was Clear View but the council decided on Mall Apartments and Mall Drive for the houses I rather liked Clear View. I mean it does not say what the Clear View is of …

She stopped surprised by his gentle laugh and comment. "I'd forgotten all about that … Clear View was the name of our house in England and a comment I made to a friend when we looked over the property." She looked at him totally perplexed and he traced the outline of her hand with his finger for a moment then continued. "In a roundabout way you could say I own the land the apartments and houses are on. … Just before I married Maria I made a really good deal on a business sale just a bit further down the coast … had an extra million dollars to play with."

Meg laughed at the way he talked about a million dollars as though it was just pocket money or a small tip nothing much at all.

He smiled at her laugh and carried on with a slight sigh. "Well, it was a bit of a nuisance you see I had no idea what I wanted to do with it. Didn't want to think about it either I was two days away from marrying Maria. … I never told her about it perhaps I didn't want to admit I had just got rid of a million dollars. … … So I found myself sitting outside the bank manager's office waiting to see him … sort of dump it in an account and figure out later, it was in cash as the rest was in written transfers into other businesses and accounts. I suppose I could have given it to the cashier to count but there was a queue and I thought the manger might like to count it give him something to do."

He gave a slight smile at her look and he carried on. "Beside me was a little old lady, who told me her life story how since her husband's death she needed to change some payments. I idly thought of giving her some but knowing my luck she would have called the police – I hate fuss - so I stayed silent. She stopped talking as well as the conversation coming through the closed door of the Manager's office was more interesting. Then it went silent and suddenly the door opened and a man in his late thirties early forties came out, stormed out. You could almost see the steaming coming out of the man's ears he was so angry. Fraction of a second later came the manager who switched on a smile as soon as he saw me and totally ignoring the lady beside me.

I could see she didn't think she had a chance after that exhibition especially as he started to talk to me … I quickly and nicely pointed out that the lady came first, that she had just lost her husband and needed his help. And explained that I would be back in three quarters of an hour was willing to wait if necessary till he had done what she wanted and added a cup of tea for the pair of them would be nice. He grudgingly took the hint and escorted the lady into the office and I scooted out after the man … I spotted him in the cafe next door drowning his sorrows in a cup of coffee. … Guess the manger's still waiting … Actually he got replaced when his boss found out he just lost a million-dollar deal.

Meg laughed and managed to get out. "A little birdie told him."

John grinned. "Oh yeah a six foot birdie. … Anyway from the exchange through the door I knew the man wanted a loan … I had money and curiosity so I introduced myself and told him I was interested in new schemes, after he got over the shock he explained he had just been made redundant in another state. That his wife's father was willing to let them share his house in Sunset Beach while he bought a firm and warehouse with a view to letting the site rundown naturally, then clean it up and build on it."

He saw the light in her eyes and answered her unasked question. "Yes that's where the apartments are now. He was going to retain all the staff and retrain them; he was in chemical waste and knew this site needed special attention. You see no one knew how to clean the site up so the owners could not sell it for building land he had knowledge and an idea how to do it … first he would start up a 'cleaning up' business and make money while getting everything right then do the site. …I thought what the hell I wanted the money to go to a good cause … he sounded genuine and it was a good idea. … I would not feel it if it failed so I gave him his chance. He was not too sure whether to trust me or not but decided it was too good a chance to miss."

He chuckled. "Made his own fortune didn't he … one of the top commercial cleaning companies for factories sites etc. … Back then though we talked and worked out how he could safeguard his family and start the business using both lots of money. We went to another bank, which I knew would be interested in new ventures and set up a new business in his name. We then bought the firm and warehouse using my name as guarantee only; it's amazing what a name can do. Couple of phone calls and yes sir, no sir, pieces of paper signed and it was done." He said with a smile remembering the buzz it gave him it had been the first time he realised he had influence in the place he lived.

"His name is on the deeds etc, he knew I was just getting married so I told him it was a wedding gift in reverse jokingly added if by the time it was built I or close friends needed a roof over our heads we would know where to come. … I kept a casual eye on him … he was a good boss and his idea worked so I forgot about it got on with my life with Maria. Guess he kept an eye on me and thought helping you would be a good way to pay back the gift. He would know I wouldn't want it broadcast everything was done legally by the way. So I expect the money you are getting back is the value of the Casita and he's just charging basic expenses, which is fair enough. Sara and Casey will never be put out on the street no matter what happens. Ricardo's most probably getting the same deal after all he's family … well sort of."

He hesitated for a moment. "I honestly don't know if I told Derek about it, things about our exchanges are hazy … I shut down for a while … but if I did, Derek must have written it off as well. … After all he could not very well demand the million with interest back now could he. … Probably enjoyed the joke of supporting you without your knowledge … he did have a thing about you … perhaps it is better you are out of it."

Meg shivered but smiled because it was so like him to take a chance on someone on a whim. "Perhaps that's why I loved it so much I could feel some of your goodness."

That made him chuckle and there was a gentle knock on the apartment door.

They both knew their time was up before Meg got up to answer the door they kissed, a light but loving kiss.

On opening the door Meg found herself presented with a box of chocolates by Paul and a quiet "Notice they send the guest in first," as he came in and was followed by Jackie and Simon, who both gave innocent smiles.

Simon walked Shep while Jackie and Paul chatted about the evening and got a drink for them all, after they had finished Jackie gently reminded them it was time to go. Meg had expected to stay with John till he slept but was surprised by his cooling mood since the group's return and the refusal when she asked to stay; even the goodnight kiss seemed slightly cold.

She went thoughtfully to her room and found she did not want to sleep or even read a book she wanted company not necessarily to talk just to be with someone while he was put to sleep. She shivered at the thought and decided to go over to the hotel to find the others or guests to talk to. Paul had left as soon as Jackie had started to hint about the time so she knew he would be around somewhere and there was always Mandy and Jack.

She followed the path not really looking around her and wandered into the conservatory registered where she was and stopped to look out the windows. The darkness and the lights in and across the valley fascinated her. After a short while she felt someone beside her and looked round Paul nodded and sat on the seat beside her so she sat down as well.

Guessing the reason she was here Paul said gently. "He always used to put things in compartments that is what he's doing now, as Mandy said she's his past Jackie is now and you are his future. Think about it we've dropped into his life and shaken things up …and memories have fallen out. … He most probably associates drugs with Seattle and arriving here … he does not want you in the middle of it. … Although there's no doubt he had you in his mind all the time."

"But I am in the middle of it and I want to be with him, help prove that it is all right."

"He needs to see you look at him as he is now. … Not second guessing his actions or words."

Meg ran her fingers through her hair, as she sorted the reason out. "No pity for the past. … He showed his frustration before you came back from the computer club and was ashamed of it. … But we sorted that out this evening … accepting the past cannot be changed."

"Some things might have been sorted but not all of it Meg … he needs to be able to put it away in the compartment by himself. He does not want to wonder if you are worrying about his past all the time. He's still getting used to the idea of you and me being here and of course the fact he may well walk again. Not long ago he thought he would not see the winter … a lot to come to terms with … perhaps he will accept you tomorrow or Monday night perhaps not … Don't fight him on it … he needs his independence … it's part of him and he's still getting it back after losing it completely … and no one can understand how that feels."

Meg thought for a moment then nodded understanding and accepting it and felt Paul's reassuring hand on her shoulder.

Remembering his earlier phone conversation Paul carried on. "When I talked to Val earlier she told me her firm did some of the hotel as well as the apartment and she'd thought of having our wedding and reception here … the Church is old and beautiful like the house … I mean the view from here is fantastic day or night. But I don't think it would be fair on you and John, I know he would not come too many people. I've told her I would explain when we get back on Tuesday. She knows something is going on because I've told her to keep our where we are private, which she will do. Her home Church is beautiful and no doubt we can find an expensive hotel will a view of the valley … She'll just have to … Oh Meg I'm sorry I just thought you were married about now."

Meg gave a gentle laugh. "Yes beginning of October, it's okay and you're right he wouldn't come but we'd like to do something as a foursome … as for us … we've decided we can live together. Hi Jackie, everything all right?"

Jackie had quietly come in to join them had a rueful look on her face and explained. "Yes Simon's dealing with him tonight. I was kicked out and told to pick the pieces up later, his words not Simons." With a slight grin she carried on. "I expect John will be all right in the morning if not we will stick him out in the garden where you saw him yesterday. Meg if you like you can look in on him when he is asleep and I check to see if Simon is in one piece."

Paul and Meg laughed as Jackie carried on. "Sorry I disturbed you, I didn't realise you were married Meg."

"To John for about an hour then Maria caught the flowers at the reception and everything went pear shaped."

"I'm sorry no wonder he nearly blew this afternoon. I assumed it was just the fact he was being restricted sort of one step forward two back." Jackie explained.

Meg sighed. "It's everything really there are so many memories of things going wrong that anything could be a trigger especially now I'm here. But as Paul said I should no second guess him." She saw they were intrigued, Paul knew Maria had appeared at the wedding and Jackie reminded her of Sara when she had just found a early birthday or Christmas present with her name on and knew she could not open it just yet. She would always go back and handle it or eye till she was told she could open early just for the peace and quiet.

Meg stayed silent looking at the view as she thought about their wedding day and she found the pain had gone, she was with him now. She looked at them with a smile and said with a gentle sigh before telling her tale. "The wedding that had everything anyone could have wanted did wonders for Bette's column. … But first you should know we've decided I'm going back with Paul on Tuesday come back Wednesday night or Thursday morning, live together but be independent in case I have to move on. It would seem like tempting fate to marry him as John anyway … as for our wedding well as I said it had everything." She paused for a moment wondering where to begin there were so many places.

Jackie thought her silence was over names and said gently. "No ones around if you want to call him by his real name."

Meg shook her head with a smile. "No it seems wrong to use that name now … he's chosen John … deep down he has not changed and I walked out the church as his wife and it felt so good, so right. … We had a roller coaster ride romance even before the wedding. When I accepted his second proposal he did a wonderful thing he promised me a pearl a week till we were married … he missed a few because of the first kidnapping and earthquake, … one night when I walked down the stairs in Ocean Drive I found on each stair a small box attached to a red rose bud in the box was a pearl to make up for the ones he missed. …Later he had them strung as a double necklace with a clasp. He was always full of lovely surprises … anyway although we were living together I stayed round my parents the night before our wedding … in spite of tradition he came round that morning and gave them to me unfortunately as he put them round my neck the string broke.

Mum and Dad who just came back from town with Carmen in tow came in … she had met them on the doorstep … John and I were on our knees picking the pearls up. That woman certainly knew how to unsettle us … she spouted forth about bad omens Dad and John tried to calm her in the end John left with her no doubt they had words. Dad promised to get the pearls restrung before the service, which he did. Of course I understand now why she was being awkward but then we just took it as Carmen being the distraught mother of a lost daughter … I found out afterwards John was unsettled by a lot of near misses regarding Maria in the days before the wedding and on the morning itself, he is such a private person he kept them to himself."

She could not help a grin a she added. "I suppose saying something would have sent a bad message to my Dad and he was hot and cold about our relationship as it was. As for me I was so nervous and yet on cloud nine … I mean to say it was a big event and my dream coming true … I had a lovely dress, a tall dark handsome, rich groom and lots of friends and family around me … … unknown to me just before he was due in the chapel John came across Tim and Annie, another couple of baddies … my ex boyfriend and John's female stalker, they were on his old boat the Mariah where he thought Maria had been seen earlier. Annie was dressed in white …and gave him a shock … you see Maria had a special white dress she liked to wear. … Hindsight can be the devil sometimes I just wonder how much she and her mother knew at the time. Guess we will never know can't ask her. … As for Annie and Tim they kept her identity secret before the wedding."

She paused for a moment then carried on. "At the Mission we were in our designated rooms getting ready time passed easily for me with friends and family reassuring me but Casey was having kittens in case John did not turn up, he knew something was making John edgy he told Sara who tried to hide it. … He did turn up just a tad late … so I popped in to see him he was standing in front of the mirror so I told him not to look at me … but I could look at him and tried to reassure him. I thought he was nervous because he knew that marriages could be broken whereas I still had the innocence of a dream. We only said a few words but I knew he would be all right, after all Dad as promised had given me the pearls as well as his blessing so I knew nothing could go wrong."

She could not help the smile that flashed a cross her face and warned her watchers that the best was yet to come. "Dad lowered the veil and we went towards the door from the moment we entered the chapel and we walked down the aisle to the time he lifted my veil I don't think I took my eyes off John or really realised I was walking towards him certainly didn't hear the music … hardly heard Dad's words before he went to sit with Mum."

Meg didn't know her voice went soft and loving as she carried on. "Then the bride and groom turned to face each other and held hands … looking into his face … his eyes … everything stopped, I don't know where I went … it was soft, warm secure and very cosy and I didn't want to leave ever ... nor did he I could feel it."

She gave a warm gentle chuckle. "Poor old Father Antonio had to cough to get us back to earth … Oh Antonio is not old either … younger brother to Maria and Ricardo though he's always gave us his support … everyone fidgeted … we didn't care … okay we were sort of embarrassed to be caught out. … So Antonio started the service it was a normal service not high catholic mass. We said a poem to each other just a few lines but it meant a lot to us then Mum brought the house to tears as she recited from Corinthians about love and hope then."

She gave a sigh with a slight giggle. "Antonio started his piece and you know the part of the service where he asks the congregation if anyone knows a reason why these two should not be wed say so or forever shut up and everyone gets tense as soon as he says it half hoping for the cat to be let out of the bag yet knowing nothing will happen it will all be all right." She carried on with hardly a pause for the nods they gave. "Well it wasn't … Carmen stood up and started ranting … both Ricardo and John were quietly furious … they raised their voices but she carried on I shouted back at her that it was none of her business and Ricardo tried to calm her but she pulled a gun out of her bag and waved it at us."

She grinned at their expressions and Jackie's gasp and carried on. "Oh yes the wedding to remember, I did say it had everything … well no one died at least … John stood in front of me and Casey in front of Sara, I know John meant well but he's six foot and I wanted to see what was going on so I stood sort of to one side and behind him. …Others in the seats ducked but still looked no doubt. … My heart was in my mouth but Ricardo disarmed her and found the gun was empty. The relief was indescribable I know John didn't want Ricardo hurt in spite of their past. Ricardo and Antonio escorted Carmen out … she carried on yelling that our lives could be in danger especially mine. … … Everyone milled around reassuring everyone and Antonio came back apologised but no one blamed him things settled down and the service started up again.

He got as far as saying our names so we could say our intentions when the chapel door opened again, John was the first to look round perhaps he saw something on Antonio face or perhaps it was the scraping noise and saw Tim and Annie in the door way my mind just spiralled downwards I could feel John was so … hell I don't think there is a word for it. Furious was an understatement by miles but he just calmly said 'excuse me' and walked towards to door. I can still hear Gregory and Casey calling his name knowing damn well it was useless and I felt scared that he would hurt them, stupid really because I could have throttled them quite happily if John had not moved.

Gregory told Antonio to keep the music going I half wondered whether it was to drown out the yells, after all we knew about John's brother and how dangerous he could be and they both had tempers and Tim and Annie well were a sore spot with him. … It also felt as if everyone was waiting for the quiet twin to erupt. We all waited for the big bang and nothing happened, Casey had gone out to see what was going on and friends tried to calm me I wanted to go with Casey make sure John was all right as well as having Carmen's words ringing in my ears. … It only took a couple of minutes if that before John walked back in calmly closing the door, then stood for a second and we locked eyes as he walked up the aisle towards me and Father Antonio. They were dark and unreadable eyes so I asked him what Tim wanted and he said softly 'something he could not have'.

I knew better than to ask what had happened obviously Tim had not hit him as there was not a mark on him, we reassured each other and agreed to continue but he stopped the service a moment later and told me he could not go through with it. Casey had come back in but I didn't really notice … talk about sinking feeling ... lift down the shaft and sunk without trace I think ... air completely gone … I was so scared I could feel tears as I told him I loved him and asked him why."

She could not help but smile the expressions on their faces was priceless, her voice was incredibly gentle loving as she carried on. "He then held my hands and stopped the world again by telling me how much he loved me and how I made him feel. Then he said the words and slipped the ring on my finger, I still don't really know what I said to him it came from my heart as his words came from his and then I slipped the ring on his finger. With a great sigh of relief Antonio finished the service and I kissed my husband and everyone cheered and clapped and on that cloud nine I left the chapel with my husband. We stole a quiet moment and a kiss before leaving the Mission for the reception."

She paused remembering that moment then with a little shake of her head and unthinkingly ran her hand though her hair as she carried on. "What we didn't know was that Annie and Tim had arranged to collect Maria from the hospital clinic to go to the service, she was known by the name of Dana not Maria. But she had run off and they had been trying to find her and that was why they were late and had been at the boat. She had been there apparently not long before John. They claim they were going to stop the service but John had knocked Tim out before he could explain … Tim could never say anything straight out no doubt had a dig at John and Annie was not much help either. She always claimed Maria was her friend and yet she had kept her identity hidden for several weeks. Casey picked Tim off the floor and put him by the confessionals in Annie's care so we would have a clear passage out of the Mission.

As for Maria I knew her as Dana, who I befriended at the clinic during the earthquake - a young lady with no memory and a friend of Tim who was there after a fall but that's another part of our twisted story. Ironically enough Maria was in fact in the Mission and could have come into the wedding at any time only she was trapped in the ladies. … John told me the door had opened at the very beginning of the service perhaps that was her and something happened we don't know she never said. In a strange way I'm glad she didn't at least I walked out thinking I was John's wife and that was a tremendous feeling."

She giggled then sighed knowing it was only three quarters of the story. "The meet and greet at the reception was good then a storm blew up …you know rain, wind, thunder and lightening …out of nowhere … I wonder was HE trying to warn us as well … I do know it set the scene for later. … Our home tradition is the bride dances with her father then the husband cuts in very politely of course and father hands the bride over so they can finish the dance and then it's open to everyone. As Dad and I danced he told me to be happy and knew I would be because I love John, it was the first time I heard him really mean it then he handed me over to my husband and we took the first step in the dance and yep the thunder rumbled and lighting crashed and the power went out."

At the shakes of their heads she conceded. "Only for a couple of moments though … John held and reassured me it was all right then it came on and we finished the dance while the storm raged on in the background, we had photos, cutting the cake, drink and speeches then I was to throw the flowers and we would leave our guests to the food while we flew to Venice for our honeymoon. Mum and friends gathered up the single ladies and I turned and threw the flowers …

Through out the reception I had been worried that Dana had not turned up she had no memory of her past and John had not met her …mentioned it during our photos … I suppose the photographer still has them … you know I never thought about that, John must have dealt with it all afterwards … Unknown to me Tim and Annie turned up and were in an alcove they must have been so pleased with themselves. … For my part I was looking away from everyone as I threw the flowers over my shoulder and there was a rustle of dresses as the women jostled to catch them. I was silently hoping Sara would catch it so I spun round to see who had and saw Dana holding them looking so lost and all around was a shocked silence. She was dressed in white and soaked to the skin and people who knew the history of my husband were wondering if his dead wife had just come back to haunt him on his wedding day.

For me for at that moment I was so pleased my friend had finally turned up then I realised the silence it was not a happy silence but a shocked silence and Bette whispered in my ear it was Maria. Shock does not describe the feeling I felt stunned … gutted.

I don't know how John managed to stay on his feet or even move to catch Maria as she fainted, Antonio and Ricardo were also at her side … I do know words were spoken and John shouted something about Maria being his wife. That cut through everything and everyone but he was in shock and too many memories … luckily Tyus a friend is a Doctor and with Casey's help Maria was taken to a separate room. After that for the next couple of hours we comforted each other and family comforted me … the worst part was we had to see Maria and talk to her without hinting we knew who she was or what was to happen.

The reception was of course cancelled people who were not close went home … Carmen was called in and I am sure now twisted the knife so that John knew that his duty lay with Maria and not with me. … Trouble was even then people were hinting that John would chose Maria not me and he was trying to tell me he loved me and everything would be all right in the end. … But it didn't help … all I knew was his wife was back and she was his first love and therefore in my mind his only love. … Instead I should have remembered the service, his words and that beautiful feeling of walking out as his wife and stood by him then as he tried to stand by me."

She gave a sad smile accepting it was all in the past and carried on. "Arrangements were made to take Maria back to the clinic where she had been staying and my family picked us up and took us home to Ocean Drive, our home, the home he built for Maria ... so many memories for him and for me.

The family and Casey didn't really want to leave us … Dad was already getting edgy about my future but Mum sensed we needed to be alone … it was our problem. … I was still in my wedding dress and he was in his suit no energy to change … I asked him what was going to happen he said he did not know but he loved me always would. He went to lock up and I went upstairs to change I think we both wanted to hide in sleep hope we would wake up married and in Venice.

I stood in front of the mirror trying to take off my necklace and felt his hands gently help mine … we did not say anything as I put them down on the side he was going to pick them up to put them away but I stopped him … I felt numb I don't know what he felt but he took me over to the bed and we sat on it. Still silent I rested against him; he against the pillows and board … I remember that warm and cosy feeling trying to get in … it must have done because I slept.

The next day I found out John was still married to Maria and the doctor wanted Maria to stay with us because she knew us both and was one step away from going catatonic … I agreed he was hesitant, I should have listened to his hesitation."

She shook her head gently and smiled then looked out at the view allowing her memories to settle and then time to understand and said quietly almost to herself. "When I go back to Sunset Beach I'm going to get my pearls from Charles and bring them home where they belong, I don't need a ring the pearls will be fine."

Paul put his arm on her shoulder and said gently. "As you said it had everything including the meaning of love for the both of you … that has not been broken. Who is Charles?"

"John's lawyer … Damn! … I can't get them someone is bound to talk."

"Not this time but another time perhaps, what about when your sister has her babies, Robert might be able to help, let's see how things are going first. Now I think it's time for bed and remember the good times Meg."

She put her hand on his and smiled "Yes I will … thank you goodnight."

Jackie said gently "Glad mine was a quiet one." and as Paul got up to leave added. "Breakfast in my apartment if you like, they'll send it over for you just tell the girl on the desk what you want."

"Umm sounds good … you Meg."

"Yes about eight."

Paul nodded and left, Meg got up and as she passed Jackie, Jackie hugged her and said, "He should be asleep now, we'll look in and then you can see him after breakfast."

oxoxo

Meg stood quietly at the side of the bed looking at the sleeping figure he looked so comfortable, like the night before pillows supporting him just the special clip to his finger to let them know how he was sleeping and the blankets on the sofa just in case. Shep was watching her so she knew she would not be able to kiss John good night so she did the next best thing and blew him a kiss and turned back to her room.

She showered and changed then climbed into bed and thought back through the day wondering what tomorrow would bring and answered her own question as she thought of the email she had sent to Robert and drifted into sleep.


	19. Chapter 19

-1**CHAPTER 19**

The smell and taste of hot cinnamon fruit toast brought on memories of breakfasts back at the farm as Meg crunched into another slice. She eyed the solitary piece on the plate in the middle of the table wondering if she really had room for it and if it would look greedy if she swiped it before Paul did.

Paul paused in his chatter as he filled Meg's cup for a second time and pushed it back to her commenting half jokingly and half seriously. "You know this is like waiting to see the head teacher."

"More like a sleepy two year old." Jackie said as she came along the passageway from John's apartment. She smiled at their wide eyed expressions and carried on. "Mum always says she wants to pick him up and cuddle him when he's like this."

Paul chuckled as he voiced the picture that flew into his mind. "Oh yeah, long legs tucked round her waist and his head resting on her shoulder, she'd topple over!"

Meg giggled but stilled as a flash of Benjy snuggled sleepily to his father's shoulder who after a fun time out was walking him home and she walked beside them thinking they had finally …

Her thoughts were broken by Jackie still with a hint of her giggle came closer while explaining. "He's a bit more awake now and out in the garden wrapped up against the breeze … he might be a bit slow in thinking so don't confuse him with quick changes of conversations or subjects..

He thought you might like to go to church before the club opened … Simon's going to stay with him till we meet up again at lunch time, if it's warm enough we'll have it in the sunken garden. Mum and Dad will come back to the hotel as soon as the service is over. I'm going over as I need to see the Vicar and collect some things from Patrick and Tony, then I'll come back sort John out and get things ready for this afternoon. Most of the café staff will be at church so nothing is going to move till after the end of the service."

Reaching the table and still having their attention she quickly snagged and bit into the last piece of fruit toast and sort of apologised. "Umm sorry can't resist it. That's why they always put so many pieces on when it comes over here." Seeing Meg and Paul's flicker of a smile she knew that last piece had been eyed by both ... might even have caused a fight … and they'd pigged themselves on the extras … not that she really felt guilty anyway and continued. "I expect they told you yesterday that it is a coffee morning in aid of the hall fund" and smiled as she added. "Couldn't hold it in the hall as the hole is in the kitchen's roof."

Meg and Paul nodded yes and got up; they'd decided to go to church if everyone else did so as to get the feel of the town, and walked through to John's apartment. Jackie followed licking her fingers and remembered so called out. "Oh Meg, John wondered if you would check your mail just in case there's an answer."

Meg said quietly "And you said he was slow."

Jackie laughed and went over to finish sorting John's bed out.

Paul followed Meg to her laptop, which she switched on and waited for the download, she did not have long to wait and opened the email.

**Hi to you both**

**Okay. To say we are curious would be an understatement! **

**Who do I pass the bill to? **

**Our wives are meeting (they wanted to suss each other out) in a town many miles away. (Not too many shops but enough to satisfy and less fall out if they come to blows) **

**I do have a prearranged meeting in this unnamed little town in the morning and know the people who run the airport. **

**So, we being male and strong will fly over to you by 7.30 pm your time Monday evening. **

**M will fly us says he needs the practice! Umm should I be worried I wonder?**

**After a suitable time we then pick up said wives (in two or more pieces) and fly to our respective homes very very broke!! But no doubt wiser in more ways than one.**

**Seriously … No matter what it is … we will standby you both and have covered tracks as asked … will explain and bring goodies with us. They are small so you don't need a truck!**

**You have my 24 emergency number use it if plans change or at anytime it is always open and untraceable. **

**Can we use your mobile to contact you or do we need another number? **

**Or**** do we wear red daisies in our hair? **

**R + M**

Meg read it with some trepidation and Paul said gently "At least we'll not have to wait long." Then as they read the last bit they both giggled at the thought of red daisies.

Having just come in Jack joined them, read it and added first of all seriously but then finished with a grin. "Give them my special mobile number, Paul you can come with me to the airport … I'll use the police black out and scare them."

"That is so cruel but good especially if I stay in the car." Paul said with a laugh and watched Meg send back a message.

**Hi both**

**Received with thanks look forward to seeing you. **

**No daisies needed, we thought of skirts instead but then decided a friend will meet you at the airport.**

**Hope you will stay over night to recover from the shock of the flight. He has flown before so you should be all right. **

**Phone number for emergency is *************. **

**My friend says your wives; you pay … after all we would hate to come between your families.**

**P + M**

Jack commented as Meg sent it. "Ease it into conversation with John, he might not like it at first but he'll be okay just needs time to get used to it. Jackie is there a cup in the pot?"

"Umm yes but I'm John's slave not yours."

"Okay sweetheart." Jack said with a smile and turned his attention away from her saying. "Oh Meg your phone, do you know if his brother has your phone number."

Understanding who he meant Meg answered. "No I dumped that one when I left Sunset after Dad's scene I didn't want him ringing me, and there's no reason why Vanessa or Sara would have given the new one to the twin. Not sure if Gabi has it as we've only emailed each other. What about email address."

"Should be all right for now lets see what goodies they bring. We can always re route your calls or mail. We'll pick you up at the top of the drive in about an hour." Jack said as he went over to the kitchen area and Paul and Meg got up to see John.

oxoxo

Just entering the garden Paul and Meg stopped and smiled at the sight.

"Hey! no comment from either of you." Came John's rebuke to the unspoken comment, he had a blanket wrapped round his shoulders and one draped over his legs. Shep was sat at his feet with his front paws and head resting on John's lap enjoying his master's attention.

"As if I'd make a comment … but pipe and slippers do come to mind though." Paul teased gently as he walked up to his friend and gently ruffled his hair.

John huffed as if in disgust, he was sat in a small alcove off one of the paths just inside the garden and looking towards Simon who was on his knees, bum in air, head and shoulders hidden amongst the bushes. Meg realised she had missed this corner when she had seen John before assuming it was dark because nothing there but hedge.

Simon's voice came out muffled "Okay try the switch now … not that we'll see much."

John said innocently "Can't, not allowed to move."

"Oh Damn!" Simon exclaimed as he eased himself from amongst the bushes and got up spitting out a leaf. Turning round he saw them standing beside John and exclaimed sharply. "Hey! You could have asked them."

"No would have had to turn to show them where the switch was." John replied innocently.

"And Jackie thought you were a slow sleepyhead this morning!" Simon muttered as he past them and pressed the switch near the entrance. He knew John was not doing it on purpose the drug was making him feeling muzzy and after Jackie's re issuing of restrictions this morning he was also frustrated. Not a good combination...

He gave a gentle sigh as the garden was immediately bathed in gentle light from the flowerbeds and pathways - the sun had ducked behind a cloud as if to prove him wrong. But then it popped out a moment later and the lights seemed to disappear proving him right as well, which made him feel better. He flicked the switch and muttered "That's okay then." and hoped the others would do the same for John otherwise they were in for a grumpy day.

Meg moved for a better look at the flowerbeds Simon had been working at and gasped. "Red and White roses! "

"Yes … you missed them as the lights had gone out. …Thought it was a bad omen, switched it on and bang whole corner went out … then you came and talked to me." John's tone softened as he added. "Go closer."

Smiling already guessing Meg approached the small rose bushes, she caught the scent as she got closer and knew the white ones were her favourites, handling them very gently breathed in the scent and the memories they brought. She looked back at him with a gentle nod.

Smiling John carried on. "The archway hedge should protect them … we hope to throw a tarpaulin over the top if we get heavy snow come winter. … Evergreen variegated shrubs, daffs and other bulbs and flowers for spring and early winter, as you can see lavender and lots more for summer and autumn … an all year garden in a small area."

Meg walked round looking at the different flowerbeds understanding the sections while Paul sat on the edge of a raised bed near John asking, "Who designed it?"

John stayed silent for a moment and Paul noticed he had to concentrate before answering and realised that must be the sleepiness Jackie referred to.

When John spoke his voice was a little slow to start but once he got going it was all right. "Jack and I did … … using the projector by my bed and screen on the ceiling, … he showed me pictures or drew sketches and I pressed yes or no … … it helped me get my mind working again … realised there is a yesterday, today and tomorrow … the paths and brick work for the beds were done as soon as the weather allowed. …… When I was stronger I sat and watched him, Simon and Jackie fill the beds. … They used larger plants rather than seedlings to get a good picture … …so I could see the thing complete if not actually flowering. … Make my mark … … you and Meg going with the others … … she heard yet?"

Paul caught his need to change the subject and managed to grasp what was meant. "It is beautiful and yes to both your questions … Meg checked just now."

Meg made her way back to John having heard the conversation and she noticed Shep had not moved from John, and although John seemed awake she wondered if left totally alone he would nod off and Shep sensing that need stayed.

She spoke slowly giving John time to readjust. "They are willing to help to cover our tracks and are coming seven thirty tomorrow night and using a different plane, a meeting and wives meeting is a good cover story. Jack and Paul will pick them up. They will stay over night."

John was quiet for a moment and concentrated on Shep as it went into his muzzy brain then gave a sigh. "Not too long to wait … you go next Thursday … what about Sara?"

He looked at her, she smiled and confirmed. "Yes on Thursday. But I can stay with Robert on Wednesday night and come back either late Thursday evening or Friday morning. … Nothing from Sara but mail from a couple of other friends I'll read them later. … I don't expect anything from Sara till Wednesday and we'll have seen Robert by then so will know what to do."

While Meg and John were talking Paul was looking at the hedge, which formed a barrier to the rest of the hotel garden and stable area and then commented. "Val's got some roofing experts she could find out if there's a clear roof that can be folded back or slatted open when not wanted. Nothing too complicated."

"Umm" John was hesitant and Paul realised why so thought out loud, "Comes under the hotel name, the men could be around when you're at work … we've got a few months till winter sets in and the advantage is you can be outside in all weather. I could mention the Church roof as well if you like?"

John gave short laugh and Simon who came back to put his things away commented. "One hole, one Church hall … But! Two big donations … … neither want to share and both want recognition and the Vicar refuses to call the building anything but Church Hall. … … So the hole gets bigger and things get messy as we go down the long route of small donations and fund raising events … at least that way everyone owns a bit of the hall."

John added gently to Simon's comment. "Of course if I had keeled over in June it would have been settled. Instead the vicar and I have come to an agreement that I will donate something a little later and keep it quiet … being a newcomer I have to watch what I'm doing … also don't want to attract attention anyway. … … But you might be able to suggest a good temporary patch that will last a few years without treading on anyone's toes."

"Oh town politics remember it well. But the other roof?" Paul nudged the idea.

"Think about it." John yawned and shook his head then winced, knowing he should have known better and admitted. "It's no good Simon I need to go back … hibernate. Damn pills. See you lunch time Meg … Oh what about riding clothes."

She came over and took his hand giving it a squeezing she knew anything else would make him feel uncomfortable at the moment and explained. "Mandy's looked some out for both of us, we thought we might take a short walk before meeting the others for church so you go and play catch up."

Shep moved away from John as they'd talked and then barked wagging his tail as though he understood her words.

Simon came over and John let go of Meg's hand to allow him to be pushed back to the apartment and said. "Guess you've got a guide … Go on Shep show them. See you later."

Shep gave another bark and ran towards the stable area, Paul and Meg waved as they followed Shep. The dog led them down the path where John had thrown the sticks then cut across onto another wider one where horses hoof prints could be seen. The trees rustled in the breeze as they walked taking in the view and Shep enjoyed himself running to a fro with the occasional stop for a sniff before bounding off again.

Meg felt Paul's arm around her shoulders and his gentle words. "You okay."

She gave a sigh. "Umm will be … it is all so beautiful and we so nearly drove on by and missed it all. … … Do you believe in fate?"

Paul gave a soft laugh "Something's at work Meg whatever you call it. Don't think of the 'what ifs' … it's what is happening now which is important for both of you and he'll be better this afternoon."

As they walked separately as it was slightly rutted she sighed, "I know … but there are some many hidden memories which come back with everyone's words. … When Jackie mentioned about the 2 year old I saw Benjy and John, I know he's older … but they were so good together … … he's not his son … and he must miss him.

Mandy told me John thought Derek might have raped Maria in spite of her insistence on the boat that nothing happened … victim denial … hence his careful attitude around Benjy and Maria, … he was willing to look after Benjy if Maria remembered and could not cope. He never did trust Tess but kept her around for Benjy's sake. … … Then their DNA matched, he knew there was a slight chance he and his brother's could be the same … but of course he did not have his brother's to check against … he did not voice his doubts because of Benjy's feelings the child had been through enough.

It never occurred to me he was thinking that … I just thought he couldn't make up his mind or that he should be with his family; … all the time he was just trying to make Maria feel safe enough to remember the truth and move on so we could have a future."

"It's all right Meg; no one else would have thought that either." Paul said and looked at his watch knew it was time to head back and looked at her as he carried on. "He would have made good Dad still could given time. … …You love each other … he will get his independence back … those memories are in the past let them go to sleep think of the time ahead." Then he gave a dramatic sigh and with exaggerated wave of the hand added. "Computers! … Coffee morning! … Kids! … Adults! … All needing our fantastic attention!"

Meg laughed feeling better. "Yes … perhaps we should turn back. … I'm glad you're here I know you've not had much time with John."

Paul started to turn round and said gently. "My time will come … I thought I might bring Val up when you go to Sunset Beach … Mandy said she would put up with me any time."

Meg chuckled at his words adding, "That sounds a brilliant idea." then called out. "Come Shep! Home! and carried on their conversation, as they walked back guessing that if Shep didn't come then he'd make his own way back. "Are you going to tell her everything about John."

Shep barking ran full pelt passed them.

Paul laughing said "Not sure I'll talk to Jack about it at the moment all she knows is the car broke down and I met a friend I want to keep quiet about. But she's good at keeping clients secrets and this will fall into the same category. Watch out we are being round up again or he thinks we are not walking fast enough. That dog's going sleep like his master when he gets back."

oxoxo

The sun was shining as the group walked along the hotel garden path, Meg and John had greeted each other with just a smile as they were in public. She noticed that he looked more relaxed and was happy to let Simon push him allowing her to walk beside him. With half an ear on Paul and Simon's conversation her attention was caught by a bird hovering in the distance when it swooped to get its prey she realised how the atmosphere of the whole valley varied.

At the moment it was showing its glory as the sun set off the colours of the changing leaves of the trees and the different crops in the fields but if it ducked behind a cloud as it had earlier or twilight it became slightly broody. And last night it was a mystery – darkness hiding it - just the lights from the vehicles on the roads or the scattered farm buildings and the town across the valley showed anyone was around and the silence broken by the call of a night animal in the woods. She could understood how heartbroken Jack and his family must have been at the thought of losing such a home with it's wide sweeping lawn, the archways to the gardens partially edged by the woodland or hedgerows.

They were walking towards a low hedge, which seemed to edge the woodland and passed a temporary sign saying 'closed private' just before the path split into two. One path went across the grass to the hedge and archway to the barn and the side of the hotel; they followed the other which sloped gently downwards then disappearing into the low hedge. But as they walked towards it so she saw the gap, also it did not meet the woodland straight way. She realised this was the sunken garden, perfectly hidden from the rest … a quiet retreat. And she suddenly had a vision of John in the chair on the slope coming from the barn …

"So everything was fine at the 'do' then Meg?" John's voice broke into her thoughts but it was Paul who answered he could see Meg was not quite with them.

"Yes, not sure how much we made though, lots of people came, very friendly crowd. Not too pushy and all wish you luck of course. I can see you're better from this morning."

"He came out nearly human after his second sleep. So we're leaving him well alone tomorrow morning." Simon said quickly.

"Gee thanks boss." John said gently in a tone that said a lot as he could not face them.

Simon laughed and stopped for a moment as they took in the garden at the bottom of the gentle curved slope.

Having got rid of her vision Meg said softly. "It's beautiful John I can understand why you like it."

John knew her thoughts and said. "The steps were here and the slope is definitely manageable now at worst I would end up in a soft bush but big brother says no … so I can't race you to the bottom." and called out. "Eaten everything yet Jackie!"

She smiled and shook her head; she was sat on the grassy bank with the lunch spread out ready for them. Tucked into one side of the bank was a seating area part of which had been taken away so John could sit and be closer to the others when they sat on the bank. A natural rock waterfall set off the garden, the small river meandered though the mixed bushes, flowers and the woodland archway on its way into the valley.

When they got down into the garden Simon and John playful argued as to how to get the chair in the vacant seating area without trapping Simon in the process. Jackie laughingly conceded the point and let John manoeuvre himself in. Shep took up his position at his Master's feet keeping an eye on Jackie and the food though.

The others sat on the bank and looked at the garden, enjoying its beauty, scent and the peace with the gentle sound of the water on the rocks in the back ground. Meg sat beside John enjoying the view through the archway across the top of the lower trees making window out into everyday life and yet keeping the peace and safety of the garden and understood why he took the chance and came there 'that' day.

Shep's bark gently brought everyone back to the reason they were there.

Food.

"Okay Shep!" Jackie called and he rushed over to her and sat while she put his down for him, everyone else realised how hungry they were and the chatter started again with orders for plates and food.

Meg looked across at Paul and gave a delightful giggle, which brought a questioning look from John as Jackie handed him a plate of food and put his drink on the seat.

Between mouthfuls of food Meg explained. "Oh just that … Paul has found a reason for me to be here three days a week. … He has this habit of finding interesting people." She huffed adding. "And they say women talk. One of the people at the 'do' this morning wants a research assistant. What firm was it?"

Paul looked at her knowing she knew it and said. "Mason, Mick and Mason."

She giggled again. "I so love the way you say it. … They are in the new part of town so I can say I'm staying at the hotel and they know I work with Paul." She eyed him as she carried on in a tone. "Don't know whether I should feel insulted or not but he reckons they can do without me in the office all the time."

Paul chimed in quickly with a look. "You are worth it and we can work through Emails etc."

Meg decided to ignore his silent plea to take the right one and continued. "They reckon the work will run out mid October, if earlier I can be passed on to someone else." She added with a smile "Guess I'm getting quite used to that or I can go back to Paul if it does not work out."

John smiled and said softly with a tease looking at Paul. "Oh yes Paul's habit!" Paul smiled and stayed silent as John carried on. "Umm sounds okay, I suppose you can always say you've fallen for my charm when asked."

"Ohhh" groaned Meg with a smile the others laughed.

Jackie shook her head and said quietly but so they could hear. "Lost that ages ago."

"Hey pay cut for you young woman!" John teased back.

Jackie gave him a look adding sweetly. "Umm heard that one before as well." then adding. "Another helping?"

She got a nod so put some more food on a plate and came across to John and gave it to him with a mock bow. As the others got seconds, laughter and chatter over the morning carried on.

Up by the hedge a couple stopped, to watch the happy group noting how Meg and John were separated from the others not enough to be obvious or outcasts but enough not to be crowded. They looked at each other wondering whether to break up the happy group and they silently agreed just to watch till noticed, which was unlikely as the group were all looking the wrong way and the 'lookout' was fast asleep at his master's feet.

After a while the chatter died down again and in the quiet Meg felt John's hand rest gently against her head. She knelt up leaning against the side of his chair her hands on the arm rest as she looked into his eyes realising he had taken off his tinted glasses. He put his hand on hers and smiled and she realised he was totally at peace with himself and her, his eyes were bright and dark and she lost herself completely.

The garden disappeared and she was back at the Alter hand in hand with her husband to be, both lost in their own world, in that soft, warm, secure loving place only more so this time. This time she could almost feel his heart beating, feel him breathing and she wanted to stay in here forever, leave the world behind them, nothing mattered they were together and soon they would be totally together.

Somewhere in the distance she saw his mouth move and heard his voice say her name. She stayed where she was but she knew and understood his words they were so loving and with a gentle smile and very loving voice she answered his question with the words "I do." Then she repeated his words back to him knowing what his answer would be and why they were said here and now, and got the loving words "I do" back with a very gentle sigh and an added "That's all right then." which flung her mind back to Antonio's sigh of relief as they finished the wedding service. She gave a sigh coming back earth and carefully leaning over they kissed, each knowing exactly what this meant and revelling in it.

The others had sensed the moment and heard his soft very loving words "Do you love me with your heart and soul?" and her loving "I do." And her question back as well as his answer and as they kissed Jackie asked softly. "Is the bride just kissing the groom?"

Simon and Paul gave a gentle laugh and replied together "Yes." And Paul carried on "That makes you the bridesmaid and one of us the best man but I'll not fight over it or make the speech."

"Good, otherwise I would have to arrest you." Jack said as he and Mandy started to walk down the path to reach them.

Jackie, Simon and Paul turned to greet them with smiles, and laughter as Jack brought something from behind his back with the gentle exclamation. "Guess we should open the bottle then." At their looks he admitted. "No, I had no idea he would do this just thought the drink might be nice."

Mandy was carrying a box of glasses.

Meg and John had finished their kiss and smiled, Jack uncorked the bottle poured the drinks handed them round then said "To you both … be happy."

They drank and started to pack up when John had a quick word with Jack who produced an instant camera. Then Meg found herself being gently shooed not towards John but the archway along with Jackie, Simon and Paul she looked back at John hoping he would join them but he stayed where he was and shook his head. Reality slipped in … there would be no photos of him. She smiled brightly with the others as it was taken knowing it would stand by their bedside table to replace the old paper one in the draw. It could be passed off as their first meeting; she watched it being developed and then looked at them and then at Jack with a silent heartfelt plea.

Unable to resist he chuckled "Go on just the one and it must be kept here when you travel. Just one more rule down the drain." He gathered them around John with her beside him and took it. She knew that one would be kept safe here when she travelled.

Afterwards they made their way over to the apartments Jackie talking in her excited way to her parents and Simon gently teased them about the ride, while John quietly listened savouring it all.

oxoxo

Some of the group sat on the bars of the fence to the paddock while Jack waited outside with John. Simon rode across on Sandy and gave a mock bow then Stephen led in two others and presented them to Meg and Paul. With gentle comments some complimentary others teasing they got up on their horses first trotting and then cantering around the paddock to prove they could ride and get used to them. Stephen then went back to the stables and the others followed he joined them on his horse and leading two others, who brought smiles to everyone's faces.

Stephen handed one lead reign over to Simon and Meg laughing with delight asked "Which ones Thor they are both black."

John answered, "The one with the small white blaze it looks like a hammer and when those two canter or gallop it sounds like thunder. … You realise of course they were full size when they left home they just lost a bit of height on the way over here."

Paul laughed "Oh! Come on John even I recognise Shetland Ponies … who's going to ride them."

"Some of the kids are hoping to ride them British style round poles etc. even Meg could if she wanted to. They are gentle so some of the kids who are afraid of the bigger ones can ride them. He smiled at their expressions. "Well they are nearer the ground as well ... just don't trip over them … Go on go and enjoy … of course if you are sore when you get back Jackie will help."

"Promises, promises!" Paul said then looked at Simon's scowl and added "Perhaps not." They both laughed and Jackie gave a teasing exclamation "Men!"

With a wave Simon led them onto the track Meg had walked with Shep that morning. Riding beside Paul, Meg smiled and gave John a mock salute, which he returned, Stephen brought up the rear.

John watched them till they were out of sight then Jack said casually guessing the mixed feelings he was having, "Well my lad lets get you sorted. You've got the two bosses today." and started to push him towards the apartment.

"Yes Sir! … Does that mean I have to salute you sir!" John teased.

"Jackie where can I dump him!"

Jackie giggled "Don't ask Dad because you'll have to do the investigation!"

"Mandy you heard that!" John called,

Mandy waited and smiled as she replied. "Yes and I'll come over and check later with muffins and tea … how's that."

"Best offer I've had all day."

"Keep that up and I'll put you on a diet." Jack said teasingly. "Hi Shep got bored with the horses then." Shep came bounding past them having followed the group at a safe distance.

"Decided they were going too far more like it." With that Jackie opened the door and they went into the apartment. "See you later Mum. Dad if you could deal with John. Shep! out of the way!"


	20. Chapter 20

**CHAPTER 20**

Having landed at the unfamiliar quiet small private airport Mat dumped his bags next to Robert's then went back to finish locking up the plane and hand over the necessary forms etc to the waiting member of staff.

Robert picked up his overnight bag and looked around wondering which direction to walk there was no obvious meet and greet person. There were a few cars in the car park … empty and of course the planes … they were quietly waiting. Perhaps a message via the member of staff and noticed a very official car parked next to the hanger off to the right away from everyone else. What was interesting and slightly disturbing was he could now see it was a police officer who'd just left the car and was striding purposely towards him. He felt that flutter of nerves when seeing a man in uniform … knowing they very rarely gave good news. He'd assumed Paul would meet them after that mysterious email then again perhaps not, he'd been given another number to ring. He knew from Mat that Paul was no fool but had been hot headed once and could be a little impetuous still.

As the man moved into the light he could see this was not just any police officer and unless there were swat officers in the shadows for his protection he was alone, and was therefore meeting them so decided to walk towards him. Hearing Mat's quickening footsteps behind him knew he'd finished his business and picked up his bags so slowed considering it better there were two rather than one at the first meeting and as Mat drew level with him asked quietly. "You sure you there's no contraband in the plane?"

Surprised by the question Mat looked at his friend and quipped back. "No. Only you. Why?" and looked to where Robert was looking and added under his breath. "Oh! Now that looks bad." He'd wondered why Robert had chosen that direction as the staff new nothing about anyone coming and cocked his head to one side considered all things and with a slight grin and sigh continued. "On the other hand it could mean that our two little birds are on the right side of the law … he's high up so he's probably come from a boring meeting." and continued walking.

"Damn well hope so!" Robert said seriously matching Mat's pace, so they'd meet him together.

"Car's not bad." Mat said lightly noticing it for the first time.

Robert could not help himself, smiled and said darkly. "Once inside never seen again ... see dark tinted windows … Don't they use those for serious offenders?"

"Good evening gentlemen. Follow me please." Jack said giving no hint that he had heard the last remark as he stopped leaving a gap between them.

Robert and Matt slowed to a stop looked at each other then shrugged and Robert asked. "You know us?"

Jack removed his officer's cap so they could see his face and said keeping the same tone and expression. "You've been identified." Words and expression demanded obedience not questions and they could not anyway as Jack turned round to retract his steps adding. "We'll put the bags in the trunk and talk in the car."

As they followed him Mat said quietly. "That's nice to know."

Robert could not resist an even quieter "Yeah not the other way round then."

"Too small for us both anyway." Mat said smiling in spite of the sudden rush of nerves as they walked to the back of the car.

They dumped the bags in the trunk, and one of the back doors opened, showing them there had been a light on in the car but no one came out and for a moment the two men stood undecided what to do. They knew there was someone or hopefully two in the back but it was too small for two or more to get in.

As Jack closed the lid of the trunk he said in that official tone. "Robert in the front please." and went round to the driver's side and got in again expecting obedience from them … he had their cases after all.

"Well that solves that problem." Robert muttered and made his way round to the front passenger's side and got in. He twisted round just as Mat got in and knew that at least one of their two birds was with them.

Mat sighed got in and shut his door then smiled recognising the man sat in the far corner and asked. "Your idea of a joke Paul?" feeling unnerved having it confirmed that no one could see them but they could see out.

Jack immediately started the car and slowly drove away from the hanger area while Paul said seriously "No" and then asked with a smile "Wives okay?"

"Yes. They like each other and were last seen planning to spend our fortunes in the shops as well as having a slap up meal at an expensive dance and diner club this evening." Mat replied feeling slightly better seeing Paul's smile and turned his attention to the driver saying. "So you're a police officer and this is a police car."

"Yes." Jack answered in 'that' tone while glancing in the rear mirror at Mat.

Mat shook his head with smile he knew it was a daft question come statement really, but he hoped for more than a one-word seriously toned answer. Sort of break the ice get things going… guessed he should have known better considering the tone of the orders they'd got earlier and Paul's tone as well come to that.

Robert pondered silently really intrigued; from their tones getting information out of this pair was going to be like getting blood out of stone. Yet the driver had said they would talk in the car, so why the hesitation. The only thing he could do was to follow Mat's lead and push with another question and asked. "Why all this cloak and dagger act, are Paul and Meg in trouble?"

Jack stopped a smile and stayed silent for a moment, how do you answer that 'yes, they are in trouble but no, not in way you think'. He liked these two; they had walked into an unknown situation and had not blown up with demands when met with short sharp orders from a strange official nor had they shouted at Paul. They had coped with banter and were willing to push politely. It showed him how much they trusted Paul and therefore Meg and it was a trust which went both ways. He had good people instincts and they were telling him he could do likewise but he needed them to understand just how serious this was and still give them a way out which would not threaten or compromise anyone.

As they hadn't come to the road yet he could change plans if he got a negative answer or feel so said in 'that' tone. "Before I answer that one I need you to answer mine honestly and without further questions." He saw two quick nods and carried on. "Have you heard of and understand all the implications of what police witness protection schemes are."

Though not looking at each other Robert and Matt answered "Yes." together feeling a lurch in their stomachs … this was more than serious.

Jack was satisfied by the tone and expressions that they did understand so carried on. "From now on you are part of one. …It means you might have to support a lie for the rest of your lives. Also if you need to move businesses Robert you will have to do it carefully and you will be trading and talking with someone you know may never be brought to Justice for serious crimes they've committed in the past. Lives are at risk including your own if you or Mat tell anyone about being here to see Meg and Paul or anything you see and hear from now on.

Are you willing to carry on ... if not I'll drive to a hotel and leave you to return to your wives in the morning none the wiser other than needing your silence about the whereabouts of Paul and Meg. … I do mean anyone, which includes Meg's parents and your families and of course if one goes and the other stays you can not discuss it together." He slowed the car to a crawl and waited.

Robert and Mat looked at each other then at Paul who gave a slow smile and nod to confirm it was true not a bluff and he was involved and understood the full implications and by the smile he was happy with it.

Robert said slowly "And Meg." Paul nodded.

Mat looked at Robert and gave a nod letting Robert be the spokesman as he was sat by the driver and by the looks of things the main one involved. "We are in, whoever you are. I assume it is legal and you are part of the cover."

Jack increased the speed and smiled 'Yep there was that trust again' he could work with that and answered. "Yes I organised the protection scheme … my name is Jack and I run the police force in the town we are going to. It will take just under an hour to get there. We can talk as I drive." He pulled out onto the main road away from the airport to start their journey.

"So it's not in the town Paul lives and works in." Mat said wanting to get things clear.

"No next one along and you can look around and admire the view etc just forget afterwards." Jack answered.

This caused Mat and Robert to smile, especially as was evening.

"Does Val know, is she all right and how did you get in this mess little one." Mat asked Paul in a rush of relief and curiosity.

Paul smiled; it was going well he knew Mat had a temper and could be stubborn, and with a hint of a tease said. "Questions, questions, questions. …Val is fine and she does not know all of it possibly will not." He turned serious. "How we got here ... Well Val could not make the trip to Canada so I took Meg, the new car broke down just outside the town we are going to. … We were towed to a garage and told the part could not be got till the morning, something about the guarantee. We were given a car to get us into town; we looked around because we could not get the Canadian hotel on the phone and needed a café to send an email about the delay. We met a friend from the past and cancelled the whole thing Val and I will do it later."

Robert looked across at Jack who was concentrating on traffic and asked concerned. "Where is Meg?"

"She is fine and with her partner who we are going to meet." Jack answered easily.

Robert waited till the traffic cleared and he would have Jack's attention and said slowly "Right … partner as in business or love."

"Oh. Love definitely." Paul answered with a smile and a chuckle.

Robert twisted round and exclaimed seeing Paul's expression. "Crikey! … that was quick."

Jack said quickly before Paul could say any more. "She wants to introduce you to him … all you need to know at the moment is his name is John Smith and he's done nothing illegal. He is the victim being protected."

Robert turned back in his seat eyeing him while smothering a cough of disbelief, and knowing he'd not fooled anyone and said. "Sorry but John Smith."

Jack smiled "They do exist and you only coughed because you know that part of the history. If you met a John Smith you wouldn't automatically think of cover up or assumed name … would you … and if you did you would dismiss it as being too obvious."

Robert smiled and nodded realising that was true as Jack carried on. "Usually we choose names with no connection with their pervious life and quite often a different country. In this case he has to stay in this country and have something of his own past, so he choose it from his family background and something that was fairly common. As far as the locals are concerned he has no personal memory due to a motorcycle accident."

Robert picked over this information trying to work out what the problem would be … the only thing he came up with was Meg's father's attitude to her boyfriends but he'd not as far as he knew done anything illegal and commented. "So it's Meg going back to her father and someone actually in Sunset Beach which is the problems rather than her living here with the protected victim."

Jack smiled 'right to the heart of the matter no messing around good.' and agreed. "Sort of yes, but you'll understand it much better when you've met him and we need your advice as well as cooperation. Because of the accident John is in a wheelchair but we hope he will be able to walk sometime in the future. How well we don't know, but he is and will always be unable to travel as we do."

Mat asked from the back picking up an idea. "This is not a 'sorry for the patient' or love on the rebound is it. She has had some knocks and family difficulties."

Jack and Paul answered together. "No!"

Mat and Robert looked at each other surprised by the strength of the reply.

On the way over they'd been swapping the histories of Meg and Paul trying to figure out what was going … the worse they'd come up with was the two had decided to run off together with the firms fortune, which both knew was extremely unlikely. Other than that it was trouble between Meg and her father which needed sorting out before she returned home and once that was done things would be okay. Certainly nothing like Meg meeting the love of her life as these two thought she had.

"Just enjoy the view till we get there." Jack said putting an end to any other questions.

Mat and Robert looked at each other and shrugged then looked out the windows mulling over the little information they had.

After a while Matt suddenly asked Paul "Does this mean things at work will change?"

"Sort of, Meg will be part time and ..."

"Shielded all the way." Robert finished looking back at Paul who nodded.

"Okaay … we can cope with that." Matt said quietly reasoning the business was in its infancy so it could change and it was Paul's to change… sort of.

oxoxo

In the evening light Meg was resting against the bars of the paddock fencing stroking Thor's nose as he gently took the piece of apple from the palm of her hand, Blacky was eating his and behind them Sandy looked on. She gave a giggle remembering the fantastic ride along the valley's edge seeing where the small river of the sunken garden came out. Knowing there was a promise of another ride to the massive waterfall of the bigger river at the head of the valley. They had cantered along the flat bridleway on their own horses and then she and Paul had ridden the Shetlands to see what they were like off the leads. She still wondered how Paul managed to tuck his long legs up out the way and she'd been surprised that the other horses had stood and waited and didn't prance around when they joined them again. When back on their original horses Simon explained they were rescue horses trained to stay when needed and Thor and Blacky would be taught that as well.

She shifted her position as Sandy nudged forward for a piece of apple. "Okay then … this one's from John who's a bit off today … can't blame him really." Sandy snorted and took it gently from her hand and then Meg reached up stroking his nose feeling a small ache from the ride and said. "Hey enjoying the change, guess you'll be back to normal fairly soon."

Sandy moved a bit closer and lowered his head and Meg carried on stroking his head and neck, her mind drifting to yesterday evening. When after showers and changing clothes they'd met up again in the apartment and friendly chaos ensued as they prepared then ate the evening meal. Then with general banter and giggles they watched the tape of the ride especially Thor and Blacky afterwards they had played a board game and everyone vied to move the pieces John could not reach. Although like the night before she could not be with him there had been a gentle kiss goodnight, definitely an improvement on the night before and then she'd enjoyed the rest of the evening in the hotel with Paul and guests...

"Hey! You've had yours!" she exclaimed as Blacky tried to nudge his way in front of Sandy she had to laugh they might be small but that did not stop them from trying and succeeding as Sandy moved back a bit. But her attention was taken by another nudge this time by a cold wet nose round her legs and the call "Meg." from the other side of the driveway.

Sandy's head came up at the call and he gave a snort while Meg turned away from the horses with a gentle "Goodnight boys." She patted Shep and made a fuss of him before making him come to heel and walked slowly across the driveway towards John who sat just outside the apartment.

As she walked her mind flew back to earlier she knew John's edgy mood and flare up was not really his fault. He was scared for her safety in the future and of these two men's reaction to him. Who could blame him, hers had been hostile and that was due to their history. These two were strangers to him. He also had that guilt about her family's and friends' reactions should the truth ever come out. Not to mention his need to know from someone outside his 'family' that he had the right to his life and not to challenge his brother or bring him to justice.

She'd not seen him awake in the morning because of his drugs; she'd just popped in before going to the club with Paul. It had been interesting and fun with the different groups of people throughout the day and managed to sort a few things out. She'd resisted the temptation to ring him knowing the need to make things normal as possible. Paul had stayed with Mandy and Jack at the hotel and she'd gone back to the apartment and found John quiet as they chatted about her day. Simon and Jackie had then left them to have their meal in private and that was when the tension grew and the eruption came.

As she got within touching distance John looked at her and said gently. "Sorry I didn't mean to snap. … Volcano erupted." then with a nervous edge asked. "We'll be okay?"

"I know … its okay." She said gently resting her hand on his arm, but there was still the fact she'd walked out on him again. As they'd flung words at each other she'd remembered Jackie's words and walked out hoping he'd calm down and see her point of view … that there was nothing to worry about.

She'd got to the other side of the driveway when Jackie had come out with pieces of apples for the horses and reassuring words. Shep had done his job gone silently into the other apartment and warned the others something was up. Simon and Shep were with John while Jackie stayed a while with her reassuring her he needed to hear her views even if it felt like hitting a brick wall at the moment and she'd done the right thing to walk out. Then Jackie had left to finish clearing things and getting things ready for the meeting … the reason for the argument.

John looked at her and gave a sigh, knowing she'd feel guilty when it was his fault and reassured her. "You were right to walk out when you did ... sometimes an empty room is the only thing that stops me."

She could not let him take all the blame and said firmly. "Hey I yelled as well." then smiled adding. "Anyway Shep stayed so it can't have been that bad."

John knew that smile and felt better and admitted. "He walked out once but lay by the sensor to keep the door open … needless to say Simon came in very carefully." There was a quiet gentle "Oh yes very carefully." from Simon who was behind John which made John smile as he carried on. "Jackie's set things out for hot drinks and cakes … I think that's her answer to everything."

Meg couldn't help smiling at the thought of Shep and said remembering. "Like my Mum's drink of warm coco." then added with confidence so he would understand. "It will be all right."

John gave a nod but voiced his fears that started it all hoping she would understand that everything felt fragile to him. "It's just the net is getting bigger … from only Jack and family to you, Paul no doubt Val, now Robert and Mat … where does it stop Meg. … From the possibility of a year at most … to now a whole future with you and possibly a family but at a cost. … It only needs one little slip, or a twist of fate like the last few days and your family and or you would be in danger. … What if these two say no and you have to walk away from them all … or from me."

She was right beside him in an instant and put her hand on his shoulder and felt him rub his face gently against her arm as he sighed. She could understand that fear but she would never leave him now … and they gained strength from each other in that touch. She could also understand his unsaid worry that he was in fact becoming his twin because he was manipulating people to his wishes … just like his twin was doing.

She moved back so she could look at him properly and in spite of his tinted glass she knew that as their eyes met he would see her love as she spoke. "They won't say no because we are doing the right thing ... you are doing the right thing. Are you going to wait inside … you shouldn't get cold."

The fear washed away from his eyes, his voice was soft but positive. "No … I need space and air" He saw her change of expression and gave a short laugh. "I know it's big inside …but it's the walls …they are still there. Simon here can wheel me in while you chat with Robert assuming there is not a gasp of horror even with my glasses on."

Meg laughed because she could hear the tease in his voice and looked at Simon who nodded with a slight smile telling her things were really okay. It was not just a show put on for her.

Shep barked and bounded a few paces up the drive as a car turned off the main road and started its slow drive towards them.

John called Shep to heel while Meg watched and as soon as the car stopped she walked towards it.

oxoxo

The driveway was bathed in a subdued light so the occupants of the car having silently taken note and admired the hotel could turn their attention to the group gathered the driveway.

Jack brought the car to a halt outside Jackie's apartment rather than John's, reckoning everyone needed a bit of a walk to the meet and greet and wondered what might have happened. He'd expected everyone to be inside though that might make John feel trapped so things might be all right…

Robert watching Meg leave the group while unclipping his safety belt asked. "So that's John who's the other guy?"

Jack brought his thoughts back and answered. "Simon, my son-in-law he helps my daughter look after John. At the moment John needs to be pushed rather than do it himself as he is having treatment for spasms in the back muscles. He has very slight intermittent feeling in his legs but no movement. Shall we go gentlemen?"

They got out the car and Robert went straight to Meg and giving her a hug said. "Hey … you know one of these days you are actually going to get to where you say you are going. Everything all right?"

Meg broke from the hug with a laugh and smile. "Yes, and thank you for taking a chance on me ... I want you to meet John The man I would marry if I could." She stepped back and walked towards John and Simon knowing the others were following when she was close enough she put her hand on John's shoulder and they looked at each other and smiled before he turned his attention to the group following her.

In that short hug and greeting Robert noticed the brightness of her smile and something in her voice he had not known before. While she'd worked for him she'd been cheerful but this was different and it made her seem whole and her words intrigued him. As he saw them together there was no mistaking her love for this man or his reaction back. It was that of deep and tested love with trust, a lot of trust. The type of love and trust he had for his wife and her family, gained over time and trials. Not the bubbly acceptance of new found love … But they had only just met …no re-met

As they got closer John nodded a greeting but spoke to Simon. "Might be better if we go first Simon." Then to the men. "Thank you for coming … we'll go inside for the introductions if you don't mind." To his surprise his voice was calm although he knew he was being weighed up and his nerves were back a hundred percent.

As John spoke Robert stopped in his stride and his mind chunked … he knew that voice had heard it last week, face to face. Then it raced through possibilities as he started to walk again silently ticking them off. … The hair was streaked with grey or white and the glasses hide his eyes … can't check height because of chair … third brother, cousin surely not … Hell! Twin pretending … Jack would not know … but Paul … he said friend … Meg be fooled … no, no way … not with that smile … her words 'the man I would marry if I could' shouted at him the only possibility. … Hell! …Jack's words "he is the victim" … Damn! … No wonder they were trying to be careful.

oxoxo

In the apartment Simon wheeled John over to his place between the sofas and then started to leave saying. "Jack buzz if you need us we'll be next door."

Jack nodded and pointed to the others to sit on the sofas. Meg and Paul sat either side of John, Jack sat next to Paul leaving to Mat and Robert sat on the last sofa so they could see them all easily. Shep sneaked through the gap over to his place in front of the fire and lay down so he could watch them all.

Robert spoke first as everyone was settling down. "I'm Robert and this is Mat, Paul's cousin. John would you mind removing your glasses please." His was sure in his mind now what must have happened and it shocked him because he knew this man had had everything taken away from him, and every word he wanted to use had a double meaning.

John shut down on his nerves, which had been growing to screaming point since Robert's hesitation in his stride. Simon had turned him away from the others so he'd not been able to see Robert's expression as he thought things through. Nor could he tell what they were now so he silently removed his glasses and waited for the accusation.

Robert nodded and glanced over very quickly at Meg then back to John and knew he had to put the man's mind at rest immediately; his voice was gentle but showed the respect he had for Meg. "John, Meg you have my full support. … I recognised you because of your voice and the obvious love you have for each other. … Tried and tested love not the bubbly love I thought might be the case. … I have no idea what your brother put you through but I'm glad you survived and Meg has found you."

Meg smiled her thanks and acceptance, it was what she'd hoped for from him and wanted to put a hand on John's arm but knew he didn't want that yet... he needed his own space for the moment.

John stayed still and silent as the words started to sink in and started to breathe again.

Robert gave a slight shake of the head as his mind sorting out all the implications, one shouting out louder than the rest as he carried on. "I guess a lot of people in Sunset Beach have been lied to." John nodded but stayed silent waiting, knowing what was to come, Robert said gently hoping somehow to take the hurt away. "I don't quite know how to say this … but I take it Benjy is not your son and your wife knows what has happened."

John's nerves and voice was calm as he answered reassured now by Robert's reaction. "I know from Meg you know some of my history, what you don't know is the storm the night my wife disappeared probably saved my life. She married me for my money and met my brother while he was pretending to be me and they fell in love then or when she got to Seattle. Tess was my brother's partner till then but moved aside accepting money instead of love … … Benjy is Maria and Derek's son apparently we have the same DNA which is not always the case in identical twins.

If the DNA was different I expect they would have fallen back on the fact I saw her in bed with my brother, her denial on the boat and years of disappearance could be put down to trauma and fear. She knew I would accept Benjy whether son or nephew for his sake, but for their purposes I needed to accept Maria which I was not wiling to do. Whatever happened I needed to be taken out of the equation as quietly as possible. You should also know that my brother fancied he loved Meg at one time but I'm not sure if that is still the case. … As far as we know Tim does not know anything about it and loves Tess in the character she is now."

Mat gave a quiet gasp as he listened; he was shocked but could step back from the emotional trauma as he had only Paul and Meg's verbal stories to go by. He knew it was time to put his view forward and said. "You have my support as well. We can deal with the goodies I've brought in a moment. As far as our wives are concerned I'm increasing my flying skills and Robert is taking a well-earned break. I registered under a friend's firm's name and gave several destinations; they know we are okay and have a 24-hour emergency number, which can be discarded after today if you think it necessary.

Meg put her hand on John's and said quietly, "See I told you it would be all right." Then to the group. "Drinks!"

John smiled and nodded. Meg got up and sorted them out as she knew everyone's preference and then brought them and the cakes over as they carried on.

Jack smiled and relaxed. "Right let's sort out our plan of action, answer questions as we go. First of all Meg's trip home, should she do it and can you help Robert?"

"Yes to both … I assume you need Meg to go back or your brother might start wondering why she's staying away." Robert felt better feeling the switch from shock to action.

Jack answered letting John get used to it all. "Yes usually the people in the schemes are moved out completely no further contact at all … we cannot move the Cummings family without causing speculation, so Meg has to go back at least twice but only if you think it will be safe. If you don't think it safe we will have to think of a good cover story."

Robert thought for a moment. "I can be around Meg while she's in Sunset Beach as I will be there anyway … I helped her last time so they will not be surprised when I fly her in and fly her out. … … Her father is much more relaxed now so everyone is expecting her back next week. … What you might call crunch time for him of course if that goes all right, back for the babies birth if not before … even back for good because of the shop and family. They might even think I was trying to keep in with her in case she came back, after all I made it no secret I liked her work. Providing Hank does not muck things up Meg needs to tell him that his past reaction is not the cause for her leaving."

Jack liked the way Robert was facing the problem and with Mat's reaction they were good choices. "Hopefully we can come up with a solid reason for her absences. How close are you to John's brother?"

Robert smiled, he was reluctant to use either name for the brother … one he had no right to it, the other name could confusion, and both cause pain. But he needed them to understand how things were and where he stood with that brother. "We know each other in passing as businessmen ... same groups, meetings that kind of thing … not drinking buddies … I'm in Seattle most of the time. I suppose I go in twice a month for a couple of days but I also pop down if there is a difficulty, it's an expanding company. I think it would be odd if I suddenly cut him off which I would not."

He knew this was going to get a bit twisted even in his mind if he got mixed up and paused then started again. "For my part I know about … umm John's history in Sunset Beach … well I thought I did … I guess you know my history through Meg. She was bright, quiet in some ways and we chatted a bit about her past and when I came back from Boston I wanted to find out more about it. … I knew bits through AJ but that was mainly working reputation rather than social. With the internet I could read old newspapers and of course because of AJ chatted to Bette but nothing obvious, … once you start Bette off about the past there's not a lot that will stop her … in a nice bubbly way."

Both John and Meg smiled agreement and Robert carried to reassure them. "She's very happy John, AJ's very good for her in fact life has been going a long fine for nearly everyone in Sunset Beach. … …Your brother seems content and very happy, businesses doing well … he has drifted back to The Deep when they needed a Stand-in Manager but nothing on a full time bases. Of course his private finances are not known but I don't see any sudden drop in spending or any rumours running round so he must have similar instincts to you."

Robert hesitated and caught John's slight smile and matched it realising he knew and understood his difficulty so relaxed a bit. "This is difficult but I would say he is doing a good job of being you. … He has a small circle of casual friends his mainstay seems to be family which is not surprising anyone. Thinking about it Ricardo and Antonio they are acquaintances rather than pals that's possible due to Carmen's actions regarding Gabi it's unsettled the family. He looks after daughter who is thriving while Maria paints and with Tess and Annie help deals with The Gallery. Benjy is doing well and has many friends, quiet, polite lad."

He stopped himself just in time from saying 'takes after his father' and changed families. "As for Meg's family Casey and Sara are fine Sunset Sisters doing well, Joan and Hank are doing well at the Shock Wave. Hank seems to be more relaxed, he is quite close to Benjy and thereby Maria and your brother but not a friend friendship more a business one … You know the type of thing … comes in with Benjy while the child is being feed talks about how things are going in business and the town, which is natural as there are in the same groups etc.

So Meg, you would have to keep a barrier but not an obvious one and be prepared to meet the family in the Shock Wave as well as in town of course. … … There will be a 'do' at The Deep but it's a casual affair so you need only show yourself have a couple of drinks then leave … that would be a test with all your memories … but on the other hand you will also have your friends around you. Tell me what time you are going and I'll make sure I'm around AJ and Bette will be my cover if I need one. … … John, can I ask when the switch took place."

John nodded he expected it and knew Jack would explain in detail later. "Jack can fill you in later but the condensed version is September 1999 I went to Seattle and never came back …stayed in a basement with two jailers. … … My body was to be found in Canada with a different name and history … a dropout suicide. … Just north of here after Christmas their van was involved in an accident Jack found me in the back badly injured. The jailers are dead but as far as my brother is concerned everything went all right. … … That is I died in Canada, the Jailers received their money and disappeared. Before he left my brother told me he was going to tell Maria that I died in September in Seattle he had no reason to think Maria would turn him in they loved each other."

Jack added gently. "In fact John was kept alive in case his body was needed to prove his brother was 'Ben' between September and Christmas, his brother gave him false information about what was going on in Sunset Beach, which meant when he came round from his coma he had a lot to deal with. John's hair colour is through shock of the accident, glasses are just part of the cover. … We might have to add a hat to that, after all people travel all over the place proved it by Meg turning up here."

Robert nodded feeling a shiver go through him and was quiet for a moment taking in not only what was said but what was obviously left out. Not only that if the twin found out that he'd survived and had Meg's love his obsession would be stronger especially now he had a partner, fortune and children which would be taken away from him. Of course John would have everything to prove and said. "Right … Is there any medical difference between you and your brother, something that can be traced back to childhood to prove you are who you are?"

John glad to be moving on to other facts nodded yes and continued. "The doctors who treated me after my accident have a report that my eyes are clear from scratches. My brother has a scratch in the eye Dr Tyus Robinson found out it, when he checked my brother while he was pretending to be me the first time. Tyus thought he must have missed it in the previous examinations it is only a small one and does not affect his sight.

At the time of my first kidnapping I had been suffering from bad headaches not realising it was our twin connection; I should have twigged because nothing seemed to cure them. But I thought Derek had died and I was just reacting to the stress around at the time. … He had to carry on pretending he was suffering from them to cover for lack of knowledge, he had not thought of drugging me for my memories that time. … Checking the dates should prove I was in the warehouse also Meg was with Tyus at the time so could act as a witness, but no doubt a lawyer could twist it somehow. I doubt the original notes from England are around and trying to get Tyus's records could cause ripples. That is of course if he made a note he might not have."

Meg said quietly "Tyus has left Sunset Beach but the records would still be in the hospital. We could find out where Tyus is and get a statement but I agree with John it could cause trouble."

Jack nodded his agreement.

Robert saw the point and voiced his thoughts. "Okay so we leave that for now. What we must make sure is that your brother feels secure about his past and future and you need to know whether I can still work in Sunset knowing the set up. Well yes I can because I think you and Meg deserve love and life … of course I would not move my business as it would cause a stir and loss of money. … Mat you were wondering where to station a plane." He saw their expressions and stopped.

Mat gave a gentle laugh explained. "Paul and I have family scattered around the world, but most are scattered in the States and one Aunt in particular likes to have a plane on standby for them to use. She's decided there must be one on other side of the mountains and suggested Seattle … I reckon we can place it in Sunset rather than Seattle say its cheaper and a quieter airport, she's seventy odd and likes the idea of travel but very rarely travels herself. … We have one in Kansas, ready to go but has not been moved for five years. The relations there usually use commercial or drive as they combine it with other things or of course as in the other cases they have their own anyway. The staff in Kansas do other things which can be dropped if the phone rings we can do the same in Sunset."

Paul gave a chuckle and said quietly "Oh dear old Grace she has a reputation as being as mad as a hatter but extremely rich so no argues with her."

Mat nodded then carried on. "John if you're wondering why I'm willing to do this … it's to say thank you." And gave a slight smile and nod in Paul's direction as he explained "You did something none of the family could … … straighten Paul out. We had all done our best to show we loved him and he had a good head on his shoulders but all he did was to throw it back at us. We had sort of disowned him and instead of hitting back at us and go upwards he went further down and away from us. We knew he was broke, jobless and chucked out of his friends flat and were wondering how to pick him up without causing more trouble. You did it for us, we heard he had a job at the nightclub and stood back and waited. Somehow you managed to make him see he was worth something and now he's up with the best of us, whatever he decides to do for the future will be fine with me.

Paul gave an embarrassed smile, which John met with a nod and a smile.

Mat watched as he carried on knowing enough had been said. "By having the plane in Sunset Beach we can pull Meg's family out in a matter of minutes if they just come as they are or hours if they need to pack. As Robert is known by them and visits he can keep an eye on things and give phone confirmation to them if needs be. That would mean we would need to have 24hour phone contact but I assume we can manage that through the hotel"

Jack already anticipated that one. "Yes. This is my wife's hotel so all you need to do is ring her or the police station both are manned 24hours and ask for either of us say it's to do with John and it will cut through everything else that's going on. They have that instruction at the hotel anyway because they filter John's calls so a not to disturb him. They are absolutely trustworthy"

Robert was finishing a mouthful of cake before adding. "Meg has my 24 number I use for family it works the same way. In the unlikely chance that it is being used it's automatically put through to the office 24-hour phone. Say it's an emergency concerning Meg and they will cut through everything as well. I know a couple of police officers and Judges in Seattle who will listen and can move very fast when need be … what about Ricardo and Antonio?"

Jack answered, "Not knowingly involved so we might have to move them as well. The main thing we would want to do is to swoop in on John's brother and isolate him before he could do any damage to anyone … that includes his children. So a tame SWAT team might be useful." Jack added with a smile.

"Yeah a quiet wake up call early morning might be nice." John said with a smile. "But I expect he's got an escape plan already and waiting, with or without family. He knows about the medical records and would not want to tangle with the police in case they have my fingerprints from the first kidnapping. If either of us dies Jack has orders from me to go in and sort things out protecting the children and families would be top priority of course."

Robert smiled and nodded. "Jack do you have statements that can be faxed or emailed to me or the Judges or should we have copies in a safe."

"Yes we have statements and no just in case the safe is broken into or papers are seen. We'll need a 24 hour fax as well. Deal with that later."

Robert realised the smaller details would be done later when they were on their own. "Okay … What about money John. … To be honest if it was me I would be spitting blood the fact he has it all."

Meg answered with a slight smile. "He has the jailers money, which was five million and another five he took off his brother in June."

"Ah!" Robert said with a smile remembering. "Yeah AJ mentioned that ... gave your brother a headache for a while … that was sneaky but never to be done again."

John sighed with a smile. "Pity … but you're right."

Jack explained with a smile. "We called it a sting operation … as the money came from savings rather than current cash so it could be classed as his money. Whereas money earned after September would be his brother's money."

Robert raised an eyebrow as he thought of the implications of separating the twins' finances.

Mat looked mystified so Paul explained while John voiced his fear. "We need to know how much you think my brother and Meg's family need to know about her life now. She said she was going to Canada this weekend she'll have to say something as she can't suddenly back off now especially as Hank is changing his attitude to her. … My brother may start to get inquisitive about any caginess and that's when he is dangerous."

Jack put forward his idea. "She could say the car broke down and they explored the area possibly talk about riding just not mention which mountain range or State she was in. She has to maintain her usual chatter with Sara and phone calls, which she makes to the Lifeguard Centre that was to stop Hank being able to trace her calls. We were wondering about the relationship would it be too early and if mentioned and first name only of course."

Robert thought for a moment and said with a smile. "I think they are getting used to her doing something different to what she first thought … so a change of job, possibly pressure of work could be used for the lack of visits. The car breaking down sounds good …we all know Canada has a long frontier … hobbies are good it makes it sound natural.

Yes she could say she has just met someone or got her eye on someone and doesn't want them to be involved with her past in Sunset Beach yet. … Fragile relationship, even jinx factor I'm sure no one close to Meg would question her attitude considering her past. … Umm that could take care of not wanting to show photos via email, if she wanted to lay any fears could do a group of people with a nondescript background just to prove she's all right and having fun." He looked at Meg and with a slight tease added. "I'm sure her first move to Boston helped the family come to terms with her new independence,"

Meg smiled remembering and said. "There is of course Sara's stint away from home to prove it runs in the family."

John smiled commenting, "Umm not sure about Sara's bit though, she came home in trouble. But what about work etc. she needs independence as well as cover."

Robert smiled and looked at Mat who took up the plans. "Meg is still registered with Robert in a roving officers' scheme which means all her bills are paid through Robert's office; it gets taken out of her wages. She can use the Office card for any purchases, or if she wants and thinks it safe use her personal card and the bill can be sent to Boston office and paid. It's now linked with our group so nothing will send up alarms.

Any enquires will be sent to you by email and dealt with through the office. Anything needs your signature can come to me and I will send it to Paul or go straight to his office. I've brought a new mobile registered though our Boston office and we can supply new email address and laptop if you want to keep everything separate. Your phone calls can be banked up at the office and pushed through by email and you ring them back on your mobile or at Paul's office when you are there. Paul said something about changes to the office are they definite?"

Meg nodded "Yes one or two days at Paul's and rest here, there is a research job going that would give a reason for me to stay and be around John. Paul got talking and they know I work with him. Everyone here knows John has memory loss so they don't ask questions." She gave a cheeky grin as she continued. "I can just say I've fallen under his spell."

John's very quiet "That's nice what about your spell." was mixed in with Paul's chuckle.

Robert smiled "Sounds good. Okay then what other ideas and what have we missed out."

They swapped ideas and chatted got to know each other, after a while Meg made a comment to John and got no reaction, she realised he was not really with them, hadn't been for a while and looked across at Jack. Jack nodded and made a slight movement with his hand and Shep who'd previously looked as though he was asleep sat up and got up and walked over to John. He sat just in front of his master and gently nuzzled his master's fingers getting no reaction he moved and sat down again this time gently plonking his front paws on his master's knees and nuzzled his nose under his master's his hand.

Mat and Robert with Paul carried on talking quietly but were watching fascinated and getting concerned as Jack said gently. "John. Shep needs a walk."

Shep gave gentle whining growl, watching and gently nuzzling his master's hands. John shivered and looked down at Shep then looked up and saw Jack and said not too sure of himself. "Sorry?"

Jack watched him carefully as he said. "Its okay you zoned out for a moment not long. Shep needs a walk and I think we should call it a night. Meg, could you press the green buzzer please."

John stroked Shep's head to get himself together as he listened to Jack then said. "Go! Find Stephen!"

Shep slid down and backed off a bit before sitting down again keeping his eyes on his master.

John reinforced his order. "Go!"

Mat and Robert had stopped talking and watched expecting Meg to let Shep out, instead Meg smiled knowing Sept would show off and went over to the panel by the fire and pressed the green buzzer then went back and sat down resting her hand on John's arm and registering he looked tired.

With a glance at everyone Shep got up and walked over to the dining area and did his party piece … the door to the outside opened and he bounced out, then the door slowly closed behind him.

Robert and Mat looked at each other smiled and Mat commented, "That's neat can he come back in?"

Jack answered, "He could if he presses the outside one hard enough but he is trained to find a person and bring them back … its in case John couldn't reach his emergency buzzer and no one's in the other apartment. The other door is two way so he can come and go. That outer door can be locked when no one is here and there is a safety device that stops intruders coming in but the police station being up the drive is a huge deterrent. He also knows how to use the intercom on the wall by the fire that goes to the hotel if they hear a bark they know something is very wrong. I'll take you over to the Lodge which is separate to the hotel your bags have been taken over there all ready. Paul, Meg why don't you have a working breakfast with them at about 7 then Mat can show you the phone etc."

Meg nodded, knowing she'd have to leave but didn't want not just yet.

"Sounds good." Paul said and got up as the door from Jackie's apartment opened and Jackie and Simon came in and then carried on. "John I'll see you next week with Val if you think that's okay."

"Yes that's fine could you tell Terry before you go that I'll ring him just after lunch before Jackie gets her hands on me."

Paul smiled and nodded then went over to have a quick word with Simon and Jackie while Mat and Robert got up to leave. Mat shook hands with John saying. ""It's nice to know you John we'll work things out."

"Thank you for coming and helping." He knew he could trust them.

Mat walked over to Paul as Robert also shook John's hand saying. "I'll take care of her John, thank you for trusting us."

John smiled "You came with a good recommendation … thanks." Robert smiled and nodded and left them.

Meg knowing she would have to leave as well and wouldn't see him for a while and put her hand on his arm before she got up and said gently. "I'll see you Wednesday night with a few more things. I know we said not to ring but you will if you need to."

John smiled they had agreed the complete break would be best but if felt like a long time but knew she needed …they needed to do it and said softly. "That's asking for trouble, I'll probably be sleeping a lot and we need the break love." He could feel that muzzy feeling he hated creeping up on him.

She could see he was fighting something and said gently. "I know … so think of me on Thor and I'll see you Wednesday for tea about six." She leant over and kissed him then as she parted she added quietly. "Love you."

"Always" was his quiet gentle reply, with that she went to join the group Paul was going to lead them through the other apartment before they went through the doorway Jack explained. "We use it as a short cut. Jackie's is the front door and John's is the back door."

"Typical! Goodnight Jack!" John huffed back and nodded as Meg waved as she went through the door.

oxoxo

As they walked through the apartment Mat was closest to Jack asked. "Does John zone out often?"

"Not so much now, used to be difficult to get him back but as you saw Shep helps bring him back, … we're not sure whether he goes back to the basement or when he was unconscious after the accident, which ever it was he used to hit out at anyone close and could be gone for hours. With Shep he comes back quietly. I think he got tired physically and mentally which is not surprising considering what has happened in the last few days. All of it good I might add."

"So you don't know if it will affect him walking." Mat asked.

"No if he manages it someone will be with him most of the time anyway till we know how strong he actually is. He still rests a lot and takes things slowly, what you might do in a day could take him two."

Thinking it over Robert commented. "So it was a bad four months and then accident."

Jack opened the door out into the hotel garden. "Yes then the fight to recover I'll give you the details of it all when we are in the Lodge. Meg and Paul know all that John wants them to know at the moment … he thinks you should know more as you will be the one facing his brother. Meg what are you going to do now?"

Meg gave a gentle laugh as she answered. "I'm going to beat Paul at Pool."

Paul looked aghast and exclaimed. "Hey you're not! … I want my prize you promised."

Mat looked at his cousin and said sharply. "You play fair!"

Paul looked at him hurt and said. "Of course! But if I win I get the recipe and some delicious cakes Meg makes. She'll be back here on Wednesday evening so I've got to strike now."

Mat shook his head and smiled.

Robert laughed. "I think I know the ones, and yes they are great. … No doubt John will enjoy them as well."

He put his arm around Meg's shoulders giving them a gentle squeeze as he said. "You are a very lucky young lady and he is a very lucky young man finding a wonderful family to look after him and now you. You're going to be fine." He released her and added with a tease. "Jack I trust we will be able to see the view in the morning. I know its dark but the mountains behind and what I can see across the valley it must be stunning."

Jack laughed as they reached the conservatory of the hotel. "Yes it is and yes you can look. Meg, Paul see you later. … Mat, Robert we go this way."

"Goodnight you two don't forget 7 for breakfast." Robert said as he followed Jack. "This is a beautiful hotel Jack must cost a fortune to stay in as well as keep; you said your wife owns it."

"Did but we are now in partnership after some financial help from our mutual friend…" Jack's voice drifted off into the distance.

Paul held the door open for Meg saying. "Okay young lady I'm now going to beat you at pool and no screaming."

Meg laughed as she walked into the hotel.

"Meg I want those cakes! I can't live with out them." He teased in a pleading tone as he followed her hoping it would work.


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21**

Apart from checking the route and everything else as she drove Meg's mind kept drifting back over the past two days and everything she'd packed into them.

Paul had beaten her at Pool that night. Well her mind had been elsewhere so he'd taken advantage of it. Mat's claim that Paul could talk anyone into anything was also true; she'd managed to make a batch as well as giving Val the recipe. Not surprisingly after their game she had restless that night dreaming of all the things that might have been or could happen. In morning she'd woken with a mixture of nerves and excitement as well as a little dread of leaving. Wondering if she was going to wake up in shared house and find it was all dream after all and she had yet to go to Canada. But she hadn't and knew it was real and she was returning to a new life.

She'd found that her nerves and excitement calmed down as she met with the others for breakfast at the Lodge. They'd given her all the new bits and pieces and Paul was left in charge with dealing with the laptop - so now she had two one for work and one as Paul said for play. As it had been a beautiful early morning and few people were around they'd showed them the garden including the sunken garden and as promised the view was fantastic. As Paul talked with Mat she, feeling closer to Robert because of the way he'd accepted John's position had asked for more information about their discussion with Jack. She'd got a gentle but firm reminder she'd have to respect John's wishes and let him do the telling if at all. She knew then she had too and would.

Then it was time to leave them in Jack's tender care for the trip to the airport and with hugs and promises over the trip to Seattle next week she and Paul said goodbye. That would be when her story would be put to the test, as far as Roberts's family were concerned she would not have seen him since the Boston trip and if she could pass their curiosity it should be okay … then it would be her family and friends. While Paul had packed she's slipped back to the apartment to see John hoping he might be awake but he was sleeping soundly and would be for a while. The day before had taken its toll but Jackie had reassured her he would be okay and she would ring if he needed her … otherwise they would see her Wednesday evening.

The time before they left was taken up with meeting Terry and his wife at the computer club and passing on all the messages and news. Then she'd felt the tug of anxiety similar to the ones she'd felt when she had to leave John after his first kidnapping and reminded herself this was different she would be coming back to him and there would be no splitting up and no life threatening relapses. She had to come back stronger and concentrated on Paul who'd been gentle nagging her take note of the route so she would not get lost when she drove herself back. She laughed at his concern, but quietly admitted everything looked different coming this way and started to write it down wondering what Jack would do if she rang up to say she was lost.

They were greeted back at the office like long lost friends back from a dangerous adventure and they sat swapping experiences and the outcome of the chaos, then got down to the business of catching up on everything and sorting out the new arrangements. She had to smile at the way Paul took the teasing as he explained Meg would be working away for three days and travelling down for two. Then in private over the evening meal with Val Paul told her what had really happened. Meg had been surprised by the rush of emotions she'd felt hearing it all again and Val true to her bubbly self gave hugs, tears and support with a promise she would visit with Paul next week and the secret was safe.

Of course then she had to face her housemates and with laughter and gentle teasing they decided yes she could have her room for stopovers. They helped her sort out and pack things and tentatively arranged a date for a ride into the mountains.

That night she had lain awake her mind running through anything and everything but sometime she must have dropped off because a gentle knock and call that breakfast was ready woke her. To her surprise she felt rested and happy to face the new day well three quarters as she would be leaving early. The time passed quickly and well and had put her in the right frame of mind for the trip back and she'd left them with hugs and laughter at Paul's gently words of 'Don't get lost.'

Now, feeling pleased she had found her way all right and made good time she parked the car in the large town car park. There was one more stop to make and then she would be home for the evening meal just like any other working couple. She smiled and gave a gentle laugh. She liked the words 'home' and 'couple' but they were nothing like an ordinary couple, and she wondered if they ever had been or would be. She checked the address of the firm she was looking for and hurried off to find it she did not want to be late.

She walked into the reception area and went to lady at the desk, who had looked up from her work and smiled at her as she came in and said. "Ms Megan Cummings to see Mr Mick he's expecting me."

In a quiet five minutes with Paul and John they had decided, as she was always known as Meg in Sunset Beach she would become Megan here, and the Ms would act as a compromise between Miss and Mrs as well as possibly stopping any hopeful males from pestering her. She also wore her hair up though she was not too sure if she would do that all the time.

"Oh Yes, if you would like to come this way Mr Mick is ready to show you what is needed. You'll be in an office with Shirley but she's away for two weeks. I'm Mary by the way."

She was shown into a large office and introduced to Mr Mick, who was in his early forties, short and a little on the plump side with dark brown hair, and as he had large dark eyes and blinked very slowly as he spoke to her he reminding her of a bushbaby. Listening to him explain everything and then introduce her to the staff she knew she could work with them. Happily she walked back to the car again savouring the feeling of normality and the 'coming home' feeling the town gave her.

oxoxo

As she drove down the drive to the apartment she belatedly hoped Simon and Jackie would not mind all the things she was bringing back. They had given her the spare bedroom and the possible use of the office upstairs if need be. She reckoned she would need it as the job was nine to five for the three days she would be there, so she might have bits of Paul's work while John slept at weekends.

She pulled up outside Jackie's apartment tucking the car near the hedge, got out and was going to close the door when she was attacked by a bouncing bundle of fur that had seemed to come out silently of nowhere. "Shep! …Down! … Okay boy … Find John!" she commanded hoping it would calm him down and let her get her breath back.

Shep jumped away from her and stood looking at her his tail wagging madly and tongue hanging out he then barked and with a bouncing turn charged towards the stables and disappeared round the corner.

She smiled and turned her attention to some of the smaller bags from the car, with them piled in her arms knowing she could dump them on the dinning table just inside the apartment, blessed the fact that she could open the door at the touch of a button. She managed to do the door but as for dumping the stuff on the table, no way, the table was set for two with a vase of red and white roses at each end. She stood taking in the sight with a slow smile and sigh as the thought 'Oh boy!' and that of so familiar tingle, which always used to go with his surprises, ran through her. She was home to his love once again.

She was brought back to the present by aching arms and Jackie's gentle teasing words. "The wander has returned with lots and lots of bags I see." she came over from the kitchen area with a big smile and took one of Meg's bags as she carried on. "There are bound to be more. He's in the garden with Simon, who can unload the car and put them in your room."

Meg nodded yes and said with a slight laugh in her voice, "Thanks … I just hope there will be enough room. Has he been all right?" following Jackie to the sofa and put the rest down at the far end so they would not be in the way.

"He'll tell you … but yes he's been all right. Now go and find him." Jackie held her hand out and Meg gave her the keys and turned back towards the door. Then stopped because the door swung open and Shep bounded in followed by John, with Simon close behind who said with a laugh. "Look no hands." As he waved them in the air as John came further into the room.

Jackie laughed, she hadn't know which of the two was the worst they had been teasing each other most of the day and it been nice as it had been the first time she seen John really excited and said to her husband. "Good now you can unload the car. … Shep leave the bags!"

Shep immediately left the bags and found his spot by the unlit fire and lay down to watch, the only thing moving was his tail as it wagged violently.

Meg smiled watching John as he carefully pushed himself further into the room she had to step back and decided to sit on the sofa while trying to find the right words. "You're …"

John laughed at her. "Pushing myself. Yep … freedom!" he looked at Jackie who was pushing Simon out the door and had looked back at him with a serious expression. He sighed and added. "Okay careful freedom."

She nodded and closed the door leaving them alone knowing the warning had been taken.

Meg tucked herself up on the sofa so he could wheel himself in when he stopped she leant across using the back of the chair for support and kissed him. In that kiss she let him know how much she missed him, how much she needed him and how good it was to see him, she knew his feeling were the same.

When they broke she eased herself back and looked at his dark sparkling eyes and said gently. "So?" She found his hand and held it knowing that was all the contact they needed for now.

He looked her over and gave her a slow smile, she loved that smile it always used to and still did say so much. "Been good." He said softly she smiled so he clarified teasingly. "You've seen Jackie and Simon are one piece … I suppose that should be in two pieces, come to think of it and I feel good. … Muscle is free and the specialist is happy with Mandy's brother's findings so I can push myself and go back to the club in the morning … though I still have to be very careful not to twist the muscles… so no hundred miles an hour dashes just yet."

She giggled, he sounded good.

"Can chase you into the garden if I'm careful."

She looked at him he huffed and carried on. "Okay perhaps not then. … I'll be in the pool for a session once a week then if there is any movement more sessions. … You can come and play if you want. Simon will be floating with me, and Jackie will be giving out the orders, so more the merrier. Most probably after six when most of the guests will be eating, then we'll have late meal or it might be during the weekend … it's got to be sorted out. There will be the usual exercise sessions so Jackie still has me on the bed in the afternoons, though Friday I'm pushing for my usual gossip session with the lads. … I missed you. … And you?" He said softly knowing she would know it was not an after thought.

She laughed realising he'd just unwound and was fine, just as she was and they would be all right with the set up. He had been right she needed her freedom as much as being with him. She gently stroked his hand knowing her voice would tell him as much as his told her. "Missed you. ... But I think the break was good I know I can come back to you and you'll be there. It's all real … not a fluke dreamt up by buried wishes."

John nodded and smiled and she knew he understood so carried on. "The pool sounds fun and I'd love to join in not just watch. Which reminds me," His immediate puzzled expression made her laugh and she explained. "The joining in bit … I told my housemates I would book up an afternoon's ride for two weeks time they've been thinking about for ages and I was wondering whether to use Stephen or Thompson's in town?"

"If we have the horses free you can use Stephen if not use the others we work along side each other and we can check later. You can go up to the big waterfall, take Jackie along she has not ridden in a long time and she'll love the break."

"I like that, I met Mr Mick and I think the job is going to be fun, start at nine o'clock tomorrow morning finish at five and I'll explore that end of town during lunch hour. You know the strange thing is I mentioned I was staying at the hotel as a contact address and he immediately assumed I was lodging with Jackie and Simon, said he was pleased Jackie had a friend around."

John gave gentle understanding laugh. "He knows the family and that she does not have much spare time also that the hotel would be too expense for you. Good … that story will be round town like wildfire he is a gossip in the nicest possible way."

She smiled and added. "He mentioned you lived here and he seemed to have a gleam in his eye."

John grinned remember his conversation with Terry earlier. "Yes, well Mr Mick's family belong to the club, they were knocked over by your charm. That is the boy and the girl by Paul the Mum liked both of you. This afternoon poor old Terry has been fending off all sorts of pleas to find you. So your part of the club and there have been a few more names on the role, which means of course you'll have to turn up now and again boost the numbers."

Meg looked at him straight faced and said teasingly. "Oh I see like that is it … what about competition!"

"Oh I think I'm safe."

"Really?" She teased

He looked thoughtful for a moment then said gently. "Well, unless you're cradle snatching … though come to think of it there are a few 25 year olds but a lot of them came by after school on the off chance of finding you. … Come on lets find tea."

She smiled at the change of subject and said. "I like the setting."

He looked at her with a knowing smile, "I thought you would … good memories." She nodded, remembering the Santa Barbara trip and John carried on slightly apologetic. "I'm sorry you will have to carry plates. I tend to spill if I try to wheel and carry."

The picture made her laugh as she commented. "Plate and laps."

He smiled and exclaimed. "Oh yes! Especially soup ... goes down beautifully."

They both laughed and John eased himself out and went over to the table while she went over to the kitchen area to find the food. Both stopped and looked round as Jackie came through from her apartment and with a grin and exclaimed. "Got your slave working already I see!"

John looked and said sadly, "Well my last one just disappeared … with her husband I think?"

"Yes to unload a few things." Jackie emphasized the last three words, but kept the smile.

Meg smiled innocently wondering what state she was going to find her room in and said. "There are still a few at Paul's so I don't have to keep carrying back and forth. … We've worked everything out and I'd like to take up the offer of the upstairs study" and added with a wicked smile aimed at John "then I can let sleeping beauty sleep when necessary."

Jackie smiled and suppressed a giggle at John's expression as she replied. "Yes that with be great, we can chat and work."

"Huh!" John sighed, carefully hiding a grin he could see Meg and Jackie were going to be good mates and would no doubt gang up on him … well he would have to find an ally and he knew just who.

Jackie came over to him giving him a mock smile of sympathy then grinned cheekily her voice soft in a loud whisper. "Have you told Meg you're off the pills as of tonight?"

John eyed her and said a mock whisper. "Thought I'd tell that later sort of romantically like … after food! … … Meg and me alone!"

Meg happily watched the two together and wondered about the food as it had stayed in the cooker and she was feeling hungry. Jackie gave a dramatic sigh and turned to Meg. "Well the teas not quiet done yet so Meg … we need to talk … a sort of mother and daughter talk."

Meg smiled, no way was Jackie old enough to be her mother sister yes, she looked across at John who suddenly looked embarrassed and everything clicked into place she laughed, "Okay Mum better be your place." She gave John an even cheekier grin and softer voice "You're not old enough yet!"

She started to follow Jackie into the other apartment when John's gentle and very sexy laugh sent shivers of delight down her spine was followed by "Don't forget tea comes first!"

Jackie and Meg spluttered with laughter and closed the door on him.

oxoxo

John looked over at Shep who was standing in the passageway by the sofas looking towards the other apartment as if wanting to follow. "Hey! You are definitely too young for that kind of talk my lad!"

Shep turned his head towards his master's voice and then walked over to him, sitting so his head rested on his master's knees and looked at him with dark soulful eyes.

"No way mate one of you is enough." Shep wagged his tail and nuzzled his master's hand, so John stroked Shep's head and said softly. "You … young man are going to sleep by the fire tonight and no! looking."

After a while Simon came in and dropped the key on the table beside John. "You know those two have got their heads together in there I got shooed out."

John laughed "Two against Two!"

Simon grinned, "Sounds good but not yet. Know what it's about."

John said softly "It's a Mum and daughter talk!"

Simon grinned even more "Oh! What do I do about turning you tonight then?"

John smiled "Come in with your eyes closed!"

Simon chuckled. "Oh yeah … … now that could be really interesting."

"Whatever you'll still have to do it." And they both dissolved into laughter.

oxoxo

After their talk Meg followed Jackie through to the other apartment her mind was on parts of their discussion. The word couples came to mind again and she knew they would be different because Jackie and Simon would be their shadows, both would be needed even if she was there all the time. The other, she knew would be more difficult because she would have to take the lead and yet give control to John because he needed it. They needed time and understanding she let it drop into the back of her mind because of the laughter they walked into as they entered John's apartment.

"Okay what did we miss?" Jackie demanded as she made her way over to the kitchen area.

John stopped laughing and said innocently. "Oh! Just this and that." Meg knew by that tone there was trouble in a teasing sort of way.

Simon spluttered a laugh and John eyed him and then Jackie who had stopped in her stride and showed no signs of moving.

John looked at her and hinted straight faced. "Tea … food burning."

Jackie shook her head and John sighed and said. "Okay … first of all Grandma and I had our mum and son talk earlier. So you don't need to worry about that … Simon and I were talking about night visits as Meg I hope will be sleeping beside me."

Meg felt herself blush which was mad really because they all knew it was going to happen. John gave her a look and carried on. "Hey, you had a mum and daughter talk. … That is assuming you've not scared her Jackie."

Meg smiled as Jackie exclaimed, "As if I would young man!" and made her way to the oven and started to sort things out saying. "We'll pop in half nine to put you in bed while Meg changes you are still on early nights."

John said softly. "So Mum and Dad are you going to serve then." and ducked his head slightly as Simon pretended to swipe him. Jackie stopped and looked at him so John carried on gently emphasising each word. "Hungry makes grumpy children."

Simon shook his head and went to join Jackie who tutted quietly as she started sorting things out again.

Meg laughing quietly came over and sat opposite John at the table. They eyed each other and calmed down and silently waited.

As Jackie put John's plate on the table he said gently but looking over at Simon who was putting Meg's plate on the table with a mock waiter's bow. "You do know what to do with a free evening don't you?"

Simon eyed him and Jackie said laughing. "Oh yes I think I can find something to do. … Just make sure you don't hurt yourself." She eyed John who was grinning and sighed saying. "Everything I say is going to be taken wrong by you at the moment. Pudding is on the side and we will leave you two to it. Happy now!" she ended with a grin.

John smiled and nodded and Jackie went off to do one last chore.

Simon looked after her said very softly "Promises, Promises."

Jackie put a bowl of food down for Shep and looked over at her husband with a smile and a shake of her head.

"Food at least." He said hopefully making his way towards the door.

As she followed him she exclaimed. "Men!"

oxoxo

John poured the wine and picked his glass up and looked across at Meg with a wicked gentle smile. "To us and our future."

"To us." She smiled and took a sip of her wine looking at him over the top of the wine glass, her dark eyes glistening with laughter and a slight tear.

This was their first real date and night together regardless of the restrictions, she knew they would have to be careful as he could not move and the pillows would be there to protect him but he would be beside her and that would be enough for now, they had time.

They ate the meal chatted more about their time apart and what they might do, after clearing things away they sat by the fire listening to music then watched the television till Simon and Jackie came into help John to bed and take Shep for a quick walk.

Meg smiled at the bags and cases on the bed waiting to be sorted out that would be done tomorrow evening, for tonight though she knew where her things were, she'd bought them new in the hope that tonight would be special. She found them and quickly showered and changed.

When she went back into the apartment John was in bed the pillows in place to support his back and legs, he looked comfortable and smiled approvingly as she came in. Shep and Jackie came in and Jackie wished them goodnight, Simon was by the door waiting for her and they left. Shep immediately went by the bed and lay down, looking at Meg who was standing beside the bed…. A challenge of who should guard the Master.

"Shep! To the fire! Good boy!" John said softly but as a command.

Shep looked at his Master and then at Meg and slowly got up and walked to the sofa and then to the fire, which out as it was a warm night and then lay on the half rug so he could face them and put his head on his paws.

Meg smiled as she saw a tiny hint of a wag in his tail as those eyes watched them. She also noticed the blanket and pillow were on the sofa just in case there was difficulty during the night apart from Simon coming in as he usually did. She knew she'd have to get use to that being woken and getting back to sleep again.

As she got in to bed John said softly "Bet he'll be by the bed as soon as he thinks we are asleep."

She gave a gentle laugh and said softly "Wet nose on my hand again."

"Umm interesting, but better than being squashed if he tries to come up." Meg smiled as John carried on. "He sleeps beside me sometimes … you know this is going to feel odd." He smiled as that sounded wrong and added. "If you know what I mean."

She giggled realising he was feeling slightly embarrassed and unsure. "We could just get used to each other for tonight there is no pressure." She snuggled up beside him and made herself comfortable.

"Sounds good." And he kissed her, they lay together for a while enjoying the feel of their bodies next to each other then he said gently "My arm's asleep."

She shifted her weight off of it and they sorted it out then she snuggled back into a comfortable position beside him listened to his breathing steady down to sleep, gradually she drifted of to sleep.

A little while later as they slept Shep got up and walked over to the bed and sniffed the air then lay down guarding his master and mistress and putting his head on his paws and went to sleep in the way dogs do with half an ear open for trouble.


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22 **

A gentle whining along with the gentle nuzzle of a wet nose woke Meg, closely followed by a knock on the door and Simon's cheery good morning started the day off. Shep left them immediately and Meg leant over and kissed John good morning, got a sleepy smile and slid out of bed. She had not found Simon's intervention during the night or now embarrassing, it felt right and as Jackie brought the things for breakfast through Meg went to her room to hunt for something to wear. Now that would be fun considering the mess it was in.

There was organised chaos as they altered routines to suit the new arrangements and over a chatty breakfast they went through what was going to happen during the day and decided what time the evening meal was likely to be as well as what it would be.

Meg left John with a kiss and went through Jackie's apartment to get to her car and then drove the short distance to work and settled in for the day. The morning went quickly as the new work was interesting and she chatted with the other office staff as they popped into the office to check the new girl out. She found she didn't need to go back further than her last place of work the delights of the city across the States was what they were interested in. At lunch she joined them in the park and then quickly explored that part of town before going back to the office, like the morning she found the time went quickly.

As soon as she parked her car outside Jackie's entrance Shep rounded her up and guided her to John who was sitting in what she silently named 'stick throwing place'. There they threw sticks and wore Shep out while Simon and Jackie finished cooking the evening meal for them all, over the meal the four swapped tales of the day. After the general chaos of clearing things away Simon and Jackie left them and Meg went to check her mail and John came up to the table and settled down to read.

Meg checked through mail and smiled and read it to him.

**Hi Sis**

**Hope you are enjoyed Canada. I thought you were going to send pictures by pigeon post or other! **

**But no not a dickie bird. ... Nope ... not even hidden under machine.**

**SO was it that good or that bad.**

**Okay … Okay … Can not stay mad at you b e c a u s e**

**Drum roll we have done it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! **

**F I R S T P L A C E  
**

**So I guess we WILL be seeing you next week PLEASE COME!!! even if it is just for the day. Photo shoot will be 10 am I want hug and kisses before that so will meet you at airport. (and yes I can still hug. … just about.)**

**Hey we beat the three witches … Oh sorry but I can't help thinking like that … after all Annie, Maria and Tess together. (and yes Jude and Annie are still together … perhaps he likes the challenge.) **

**Bluebell came third. Dad's bought one of their special displays for Mum and I'm thinking of having one in the shop window. You never know they might put a sign about us in their window. **

**Ben came round and congratulated us did suggest a photo call together but I politely pointed out part of the prize was advertisement for us alone. He gave a smile at that and left the subject alone. He was carrying Sam she is looking very wide-eyed and beautiful … I know this may sound daft but they really suit each other. **

**Warning of in a nice way there will be a gathering at The Deep everyone is invited so it's going to be a good way for you to say hi to all the gang. No doubt you will see some of them during the day and chat.**

**Everyone is fine and sends love and no I'm not nagging Casey too much. Dad is looking forward to seeing you but will stay in background if you want him too. So let me know. He has to be at the Shockwave in the morning so Mum can be at shoot. Sis you really need to speak to him, he has changed honest!!!**

**Love you. **

**Sara**

Meg couldn't help smiling at her sister's words as she finished and heard a soft. "You have to say yes Meg."

She looked at John and smiled "I know." Knew she would, she really wanted to go.

"Just remember how much to put in."

"You check it for me." She asked softly.

John laughed. "Yes of course."

She thought for a moment then wrote.

**Hi Sis.**

**Well congratulations …. you've done most of the work with Debbie, Emily and Mum of course so you should have all the praise and thanks.**

**Okay … I'll be down for the day and possibly a night leave early in the morning. I hope to have air lift with Robert so it will depend on him how long I stay. ****SO**** make sure my room is clear just in case either way I've decided to bring some more things back with me when I leave. (Making use of a private plane). Think … if I take back enough you'll have another spare room to use.**

**Canada did not work out as planned car broke down but everything is fine. Hence no cards and sorry did not tell you but we explored the area so did not have much time. Also job is different from what I thought it was going to be so I'm setting up partly on my own with bosses' approval. As I will be travelling (locally) a lot if the jobs come in as I hope I might find it hard to travel home or answer things immediately. So I think e-mail rather than phone will be best then no one is hanging on the line all the time or the answer machines answering each other. **

**Found some wonderful people and I am really I'm fine been out horse riding as well as the usual exploring so it's not going to be all work. Nor is it going to be wild parties so put your match making thoughts away!!!! **

**Glad you are all keeping well, see you next week. Do me a huge favour no crowds at the airport just you and Casey or just Casey … Robert or I will tell you time. **

**Meg.**

Meg pushed to laptop over to John so he could check it then after the okay she sent it and got up with a sigh, "Thinking about packing I should unpack the stuff I've already got here."

John chuckled and said. "Sounds like a good idea, you'll have to keep your clothes in the spare room for now perhaps we can fit another wardrobe and a screen for you to change behind. Just go on through they know you're going to sort things out this evening. I'll be fine unless of course you want me to sit and order you around." He wheeled himself over to the sofa area.

Meg laughed as she followed him and answered. "No I expect Jackie will do that … I need to work through a couple of Paul's things so I might be a while will you be okay."

John smiled and laughed. "Yes everything to hand, Shep will find you if I need you just leave the door open as it saves his nose, Simon might come through later. … I can be left for a while on my own if I'm in here."

She smiled "Sorry I forgot. It takes some getting used to."

"I know … its okay." He said gently then added, "Go on the job needs doing."

She laughed and went through to the apartment Shep started to follow her through the doorway and John called him back and went back to his book.

oxoxo

Meg was in the middle of sorting things out when there was a gentle cough; she turned and saw Jackie standing in the doorway.

"Need help?" Jackie asked.

Meg looked at it and gave a gentle laugh. "Umm I've managed to sort most of it out and I think I've found the bed which is a good thing. The laptop and files for upstairs are over there"

Jackie smiled and pointing to a pile of bags and boxes asked. "Those empty."

"Yes I think they can go out."

"Right I can take those first." Then she looked hesitant which got Meg's attention so she knew she'd have to say what she was going too and said. "Um I know you want to be with John a lot … but there's a couple of films on in the cinema this week which look good I was wondering if we could go and see one of them … sort of girls night out."

"Sounds good but what about taking Simon."

Jackie smiled still unsure of herself, which Meg thought was unusual for her as she usually gave off an air of being on top of things. "Jack's on nights so Simon has to be around all week, Mandy would take my place if you see what I mean … I don't like going on my own, most of my friends have moved or got family commitments."

Meg smiled realising just how restricted things could be and said genuinely. "I would love it."

"Fine … shall I show you were your office will be madam!" Jackie said with a smile as she picked the bags and boxes up.

Meg nodded and picked the files and laptop up and followed her relieved to have a break from all her things. She could not understand how on earth she managed to have so much and there were still things back at Sunset… goodness knows where they would go.

Meg knew Jackie's hesitancy and request gave her the opening she wanted and said. "My friends at the house I use when I'm working with Paul are hoping for a ride in a couple of weeks time how about joining us. John mentioned you might like to … thought of going to the big waterfall. Mr Mick assumes I'm lodging with you and Simon so us going out seems a good idea … that's apart from the fact I like the idea of course."

Jackie smiled and gave a little chuckle as she spoke. "Yes definitely a good idea I've not been out there for ages, I'll have to clear it with the others of course. Could even have nights in you know boys in the other apartment and us girls in here, now things are improving for John."

They had made their way upstairs into the office and Jackie pointed over to the table in the corner. "We've a phone point over in the other corner which we can share, that cabinet to the left is free. Simon uses this one for the stable records as it's his project and I use it to keep up to date with treatments etc. There's a coffee jug and ring on top of the mini fridge if you want a drink, just boil water in it if you want tea it saves running up and down all the time. I need to update a few things if you want to set yourself up."

They worked well together sorting things out and then separately at their own jobs till Simon came up and told them it was time for bed.


	23. Chapter 23

**CHAPTER 23**

As Meg freshened up in the guest room of Robert's house her mind replayed the arguments she had with John in the run up to this trip. Shep as always was either lying at his feet watching both of them, or had his head resting on his master's knees while she sat beside them on the bench in the private garden at the end of his apartment. They never shouted too loudly nor did she need to storm out on him … they just spoke sharply insisting each was right in their view of the situation. In the end they would agree to disagree and would kiss and make up before going back to the apartment and continue with whatever they had to do.

She'd tried to reassure him that by knowing the truth she could handle his brother … that he would leave her alone … he had what he wanted Ben's life as his own, Maria and his own children as well as the respect of the community and friends. He'd connected with his baby daughter so wasn't going to throw everything away on a fling with someone who could tell the difference between the twins.

But he'd insisted his twin still had a score to settle and that her not knowing the truth as well as that connection gave it an added twist. Yes his twin loves Maria and loved Tess but she had rejected him at the cabin when she had found out the truth and again at the cliff top when she had faced the brothers together. What was more; she'd walked away from love and family and was coming back a stronger woman. He needed to reclaim her and he would do that by making her admit she still loved him and always will … not through touch because he'd have to kill her, though he would if she found out the truth but by memories of their love … Ben's love and love she still had. And knowing the truth would make her vulnerable.

She would make her rejection come from her heart as it had when they'd faced each other in the café before she knew the truth ... but without anger. It could not be of Derek playing the part of Ben who was stamping on their memories. It had to be of their real love, their real memories of the one who'd called her soulmate and that she was moving on to a different life with the possibility of love in the future and of not of having love now. If it didn't, his brother would sense something was off and he would try and trace her when she left and this time he would have time and millions of dollars to do it.

She sighed and put away her things thinking about the journey and the tingly feeling it had given her. In order to quell John's fears they decided it should be in two flights rather than one straight flight to Seattle this would also mask the fact she was not flying with Robert from Boston.

The first had been a private 'business' plane, which regularly went to a larger airport further south, the passengers concentrated on their business papers, computers etc, rather than the person sat next to them. Once in the larger airport she let her hair down and changed into something more casual then mingled with the crowds while waiting to board a commercial flight, which had and would stop at other airports.

The tingly feeling had come at Seattle airport as she quietly slipped from her group of passengers into the reception area for private flights. This was made fairly easy as they shared a common corridor and Robert's flight landed just after hers. She found her bags and gently pushed her way back to the area then mingled with Robert's group as he checked some things at the desk. They walked along the corridor waving goodbye as the group broke up leaving Robert and herself to get the car, his quiet warm words that everything was fine and she could email or ring home when she got to her room made her smile. Till she had found her soulmate again 'home' had always been where her parents lived whether that was Kansas or at Sunset Beach.

Now, as she remembered she wondered if it would change as she met her family and friends again. She put her hand on the laptop and came back to the present. The house was quiet so she knew she was safe - it would not be long just a few words and there wouldn't be any reply she knew that. She set it up and typed.

**Hi **

**All went well. Robert and family are well. Will write again if I can. I know Shep will be with you tonight. **

**Love Meg xxx**

She heard chattering from the girls on the stairs so sent the message and quickly deleted any trace of it before closing the laptop down. The girls' laughter got louder as they came nearer and Meg took a deep breath running the story through her mind, hoping it would stand the test.

She opened the door and was met by a raised hand ready to knock on the door and a bubbly exclamation. "Meg!! Come on foods ready … you can fill us in on how Dad has been working you way too hard! You know Steve …"

"Hey! That's a secret!" The older teenage sister butted in and seeing her sister was not going to be stopped she challenged quickly, "What about Patrick! …"

"Hey! That's not fair!" The other exclaimed and the sisters glared at each other for a long moment then broke down in giggles, which were never far away when they were around.

Through their laughter Meg reminded them gently. "Food?"

The girls caught their breaths nodded and smiled taking turns in greeting hugs; then with Meg between them they chatted and laughed their way downstairs.

oxoxo

"Your Father will be proud of you Meg so don't worry." Sue reassured her as they hugged goodbyes the following morning.

"I hope so … thank you for last night." She said warmly.

"Anytime, the kids love having you." Sue gave a gentle laugh. "Shouldn't call them kids really but young ladies sounds odd … it brings a picture of long dresses and elegance … and those two are really not into that at the moment."

Meg nodded grinning remembering the two very pretty girls in tatty clean jumpers and jeans, which went with the laughter, rough and tumble as they playfully chased each other through the house ignoring the calls of their parents. She turned and walked up the steps into the plane to find her seat and was joined by Robert after he'd said goodbye to his wife.

Then over the speaker came the announcement. "This is your pilot speaking we will be taxiing onto the runway so please make sure everything is secure and buckle up. Your waiter for the morning trip will be Robert … he is still learning … so please be patient."

Robert smiled and pressed the buzzer that told the pilot they were ready.

Meg smiled as she commented. "No hostess this morning?"

"No not on short trips … perhaps I should get a new pilot though." Meg gave a gentle shake of her head; Robert pretended to ponder then with a slight smile continued. "You're right he's too valuable, trouble is he knows it. I'll get the tea once we are up. … How are you feeling?"

Meg laughed, "Fine thank you I forgot how inquisitive your kids can be."

Robert smiled remembering last night, "Well they accepted your story, there were no bedtime queries from Sue either and she's good at finding holes in stories as the girls found out from a very young age. So now we are 'alone' we can play catch up … how are things with you and John."

Meg smiled then gave a soft laugh as she replied. "Really good thank you."

Robert gave a slow smile "So you're sleeping with him then … as in man and wife."

Meg blushed and exclaimed. "Hey I didn't say that!"

"You didn't have to it was in your voice."

She looked at him wide eyed wondering how she could be so transparent with him.

He gave a chuckle then clarified his words. "That you were happy with everything. … Life if you like. … I just added two and two making four because I know the history. Don't worry no one else will do it."

She gave a short laugh and relaxed. "Okay … so I am sleeping with him, but he's still hasn't any movement in his legs … but none of us were really expecting miracles … not after the one of us finding each other."

"What about turning or lifting him." Robert asked with a twinkle in his eyes and a smile.

Meg gave another gentle laugh. "He's too big for me, all arms and legs and we decided turning would be difficult at the moment. Simon and Jackie can do it in a few minutes whereas I could twist his back or as John said twist myself." She giggled running her fingers through her hair, Robert's understanding nod with that smile was not helping her at all, she ignored him for a moment then carried on. "When we are sure he will get more mobile or if we find he does not then Jackie will show me the way to turn him without injuring myself or him."

She caught his smile and felt herself blush slightly with a slight shake of her head and a deep breath got onto safer ground. "Every day life is okay we've stopped walking on eggshells around each other; think we did that just before we saw you and Matthew actually… I'm getting more used to having Simon and Jackie around all the time; they are good, its bit like having a brother and sister around. No doubt we will step on each others toes occasionally but I think deep down we know it's the way it has to be. … Just got to remember which days laundry and cleaning are done … having said that with Shep around they seem to clean every day, sort of invisible like in most hotels.

As for food we have the choice of sending out for it from the hotel or cooking it ourselves there again it can be two or four of us so we vary it. Food shopping is done through the hotel as well; I expect the chef will get a bit peeved if we take the last steak though." She gave a chuckle "Height of luxury. Downside is we don't go out as a couple … shops, clubs, cinemas etc I don't think we will for a long time if ever but we've been for … walks with Shep."

She smiled at Robert's expression. "On the flat or smoother surfaces he's wheeling himself most of the time but anything bumpy or too far and Simon does it. 'His muscles' as John calls him, he's usually around and he takes Shep off for a longer walk if we want some privacy but never too far and John has a call button on him anyway. … John's back at the club most mornings, Jackie has him for exercise etc in the afternoon."

At his expression she huffed. "Robert! No not like that! … … My research job is great, we've been to his favourite viewpoint and saw a beautiful sunset," She laughed "Of course you didn't meet Sandy, that's the horse who pulls the coach … it's a little open air coach … suppose you could call it a trap … three could get in but it is a squash as Jack or Simon drives. … That sounds wrong … I think of driving as in a car, like a coach I see a dirty great big school coach or a fancy ornate coach with four horses pulling it … I'll have to check things out some time."

Robert chuckled and said gently. "It's okay I know what you mean. Jack showed me a picture of it and said there was a larger one coming soon for weddings etc."

Meg nodded. "Yes, I think Simon will use it locally while John is at the club, or there is a lad who can drive it if Simon can't. … Anyway Jackie and I went by car and waited for them, it was good and the road was quiet. The valley has as many moods as there are types of light and weather, varying from mysterious to really beautiful and that evening it was beautiful. Away from John … Jackie and I have been to see a film and plan to do girl evenings either in her apartment or out at a café. In time we might be able to do it with the girls at the office and that will give her a break as well as confirming I'm lodging with her."

Robert nodded and could tell she was happy and said. "Good. Jack said Jackie's friends had moved on so I was a bit worried you might find it a bit isolated especially as John can't go out much. What about his zoning out and nightmares?"

"Yeah" She sighed took a moment then continued. "He's had a few of each which is not surprising really; we hope they will steady out again. With the nightmares I've managed to talk him into calmer sleep but when I can't Simon is there to help; sometimes I'm part of them so hearing me does not help. … … Of course Shep works his magic when he zones out, those can be a bit frightening as they seem to come out of the blue … one minute he's with you the next he's zoned out and you're talking to a statue. He's admitted they happened when he was in the basement but that's all, Mandy reckons it was his way of coping … then he used to zone out to freedom and memories, now his mind reverses it or into nothing … … before June they could last for hours … only time will tell if they are getting better just like everything else."

Robert gave a little nod and commented. "I know Jack was worried what might happen when he starts walking …at least in the chair you can't fall down and as you said someone is with him most of the time … walking he will be more independent so could injure himself. … Perhaps they will go as his mind adjusts to things. … It must seem a bit like a roller coaster ride for both of you. … You've told me about your job and riding etc but how are you really deep down."

She nodded and looked out the window and silently pondered his words, knowing a quick 'Fine' was not what he wanted. True it did seem like a roller coaster ride but there again her life in Sunset Beach was one as well perhaps that was what their life was meant to be. As for her own feelings … mixed … yesterday with John they had wanted to be as normal as possible so they did some work, chatted and joked. Sort of being brave for each other knowing the only way was forward no backing down.

Their parting kiss in the apartment was warm and deep, giving each other the love and strength they knew. Then allowed each other a last quick casual holding of hands with words and smiles all round in the driveway before she got in the car. Suddenly she'd had butterflies as Jack drove her away, but she smiled and waved and they waved back. Simon and Jackie behind John rather like two guardian angels with Shep running circles round them. Surprisingly once on her first flight the butterflies had gone and after the evening with Robert's family she was happy and confident that everything would be fine.

Meg looked at him and said. "Really deep down I'm happy but I was scared as Jack drove me away and now after last night really confident … thank you." Robert smiled and nodded as she exclaimed. "Nearly forgot we, that is all four of us, had a swimming session in the pool, which was fun. He's quiet a strong swimmer even if he only uses his arms and has a special float, that means lots more to come as it should help him when he start using his legs."

Robert smiled at her excitement and remembered the pool. "Yes good idea and of course he could use it any time, providing the guest don't want it I suppose. I was sorry I could not use it along with the rest of the hotel. I hope I can come and visit occasionally … Sue could come later when John is in the picture … story wise of course." He saw the flash of apprehension and added. "Only when you are both happy with everything … Sue need not know anything about his past you know that. … Let's have the cups of tea … can't have the pilot giving me black stars for slackness … I shall never live it down." He got the smile he wanted and carried on. "What about staff knowing you are sleeping with John … I mean as far as the outside world is concerned you've just met him?"

"No one talks it's a bit of a family thing, you know families working through the generations so the loyalty is inbred and as for the newer outsiders the jobs are well paid and if you are sacked from that job you can't easily get a new one. One of the staff started a rumour because of Jackie and John's closeness so they sacked her, gave her a reference saying her work was good but as they were always asked why they were letting her go they had to explain. …. That was in March she's still out of work, no one will trust her, seems the hotel and family have a reputation for good staff. … She has said she is sorry will not do it again but it looks as though she might have to leave the town."

"Tough on her but it means you can relax regarding the other staff." He hesitated for a moment bringing out a disc and laying it on the table before carrying on making the tea at the drinks cabinet while speaking. "I did some undercover work when I was younger so I know what it is like to live a separate life from your family and friends."

As he continued Meg opened the disc case to look at the disc realising why Jack was so ready to accept Robert's help. "You will need someone away from John and Jack's family as you can't rant or rave with your family or friends. … … I've done an encrypting programme on the disc, which will stay with the pilot while we are here. All you need to do is put it into your 'work computer' then write the mail as normal it will be changed automatically I will use my disc to decode and use mine when we chat about John.

Don't download it into the computer itself though just keep it amongst some others, find a file cover for it if you need to travel with it. … When you send mail you need a subject just put 'Private for Robert'. Only use it on your personal or John's machine in an emergency. I'll recognise your work mail address and anyone seeing the mail will just think its confidential business information, so it will not be deleted as a mistake or junk mail."

He handed her, her cup of tea and gave a slow smile as he carried on. "Think of me as an Uncle or just a rubbish bin which you can yell or throw all the anger or whatever you want at or in. … I'll not take any offence at the language you may use and if you need advice I will give it. If I happen to be on line at the time I will flash one back to you and we can have a written chat coding it of course. Phone calls can be over heard or come at difficult times. The other reason is I would like to know how things are going with you and John more frequently than your odd trip to home."

Meg smiled liking the idea, she knew she could not always talk to Jackie or Mandy and there was no way she could spout off at her sister without some comeback. "Thank you, I promise to give you the good news as well as any ranting, the trips home might not be too far apart if things go well."

He nodded and put the disc in its case and had a sip of his own drink before continuing. "By the way Mat is flying his plane about ten minutes behind us … yeah, he could not resist the opportunity so the pilot who should be doing it is acting as co pilot. Just remember you are strangers we don't make contact unless we have to. Have you finally managed to sort the day out?"

She gave a gentle laugh remembering Mat was like Paul who'd anything to get away from paper work. "Oh yes. As you know Sara and Casey should be meeting me; we'll dump the bags at the apartment, Casey goes on to work then Sara and I look pretty for the photo shoot etc at the shop. Pray that the Mayor remembers to keep things short, chat to Bette for her article, check to see if there are any goodies to buy. Also check over books etc, quick word with Mum then meet Gabi and possibly a couple of friends if they can make it from work for a chat and lunch."

She smiled very sweetly as she carried on. "In the afternoon as you have sooo kindly lent me the use of the plane I will sort and pack anything I want to take back."

Robert gave a snorting laugh, which she chose to ignore as she carried on. "Looking round old haunts then Tea with the family. … There's a shot I've always wanted of the across the bay taken from the rocks not too far away from the Shock Wave … perhaps I could do that at sunset and then we go to The Deep meeting the other friends who've been working during the day or missed at lunch. Finally sleep then fly off with you in the morning, are we going to do two stop trick I did coming."

Robert finished his cup of tea before answering. "Our version of it … We will go to Seattle first for a short stop and then fly to Boston and we've listed passengers and stops but we don't have to say who stays so you will be lost in amongst the stops if anyone tries to trace you. John knows the timing so don't worry about that. You've got a full day but what about your private chat with your father?"

She looked down at her empty cup then back at him and said brightly. "Should I tell the pilot you make a good cup of tea?"

Robert smiled "Thank you for the compliment but he already knows and you, young lady are evading the question."

She laughed, "Okay I surrender …I'll meet Mum and Dad at the Shockwave in the evening just as we used to when I worked at the shop, they used to put something special in the ovens and we would eat as the evening shift came on, if it was full we would eat on the beach on blankets … I thought I would walk with Dad on the beach before we ate. … … Anything else would seem too much like the last meal together before the grand farewell, which this is not going to be, I'll be back for visits.

I'm passing the apartment over to Sara and Casey … when I come back for the birth of the twins. I'll be staying with Mum and Dad after that if all goes well if not then I'll baby sit the twins. For today though Sara and I can gossip in the afternoon before or after she rests if we don't get a chance at the shop. Unfortunately Casey is working an all day shift so I'll not see him till the teatime; Vanessa and Michael are working so I'll see them at the Deep along with the others from Lib. Corp. … … It seems so unfair really."

Robert immediately caught her meaning and said gently. "He has all that he wants now he has you."

She gave a gentle laugh, surprised she had voiced her thought and he had understood it. "Yes I suppose we both do now … especially if he manages to walk. Thank you for being here for us."

"As I said anytime, you've my number if you need it or just make for the plane and get them to ring … not that you will need it. … Derek has to be Ben now all the time and that should help."

"I know I tried reassuring John that … well I suppose you can't blame him being worried."

"No. Just remember which name to use."

Meg smiled and nodded, with that he stood up to pack their tea things away when he returned to his seat they sat quietly in their own thoughts or reading.


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24**

Meg grinning waved at Sara and Casey from the window as the plane taxied to a halt.

Robert gently teased her as he gave her, her bags so they were both laughing as he led the way down the steps.

After a quick greeting he left Meg to go to his meetings reminding her to ring during the day.

The sisters gave each other a huge smile and Casey stepped in with a welcome hug before taking her bags and stepping silently aside so the still grinning sisters could look at each other, which they did as though they had not seen one another for years rather than months.

Meg broke the silence first. "You're looking great Sis."

Sara's eyes twinkled her voice was soft. "Yeah … large as well I know. I promised you a hug; I'm not that fragile you know."

Meg laughed and hugged her large sister, the bump for the twins was really showing and she was blooming as well as happy. As for Casey he was definitely the proud father to be.

"See told you I could still hug." Sara said laughingly as they released each other and as they walked to the car she continued. "Unfortunately Casey could not change his shift so we will see him later, he's dropping us off at the apartment and will take the rescue jeep. After that you can use this old banger if you like and drive me to the Shock Wave for tea."

"Okay that will be fine." Meg said with a smile.

In the car as Casey drove Meg quietly listened to her sister's chatter, while looking out the window. Everything was having a slightly off feeling, it was no longer the happy go lucky place she thought it would be, but on the other hand it never was … so much used to happen and was happening. She tried to hide the little shiver as she quietly hoped she wouldn't meet Ben just yet. She thought of the apartment and smiled wondering if that would feel different now she knew the truth. And suddenly realized they had stopped and looked round then smiled at Casey who had just knocked at the passenger window and brought her out of there thoughts.

He opened the door and said quietly. "Memories." and then went to help Sara out but kept an eye on her.

Meg just nodded not trusting herself to speak and got her bags then gave him a parting hug before following her sister into the apartment. She smiled as she walked in … the warm welcome feeling was still there … granted there were different pictures on the wall, throw on the sofa and tablecloth on the table and oh a bookcase along a wall. But it was still her Casita soon to be theirs his protection without them knowing it.

"You've done a tidying up job I bet." Meg teased her sister as they went up to the spare room, which was to be her room.

Sara pretended to be cross with her sister but the smile in her eyes told Meg different. "Hey! It's always like this … I seem to remember your room at Surf Central was always a mess."

"No it just had too much in it!" Meg teased back and put her bags on the bed.

On the way back downstairs Sara pushed the doors of the other rooms open so she could see them, the room for the nursery was empty and still the same colours as before so Meg said. "Not chosen colours yet then."

Sara laughed "No we can't agree I think the room will stay the same light yellow we'll just put some fluffy pictures on the walls. We've got our name down for furniture … they suggest we wait just in case something happens… They promise to deliver anytime day or night, I'm glad really I think having things here would be tempting fate. … I guess the shop is used to having things returned."

Meg caught her sister's apprehension and went over to her putting her arm around her shoulders. "Things are looking good Sara; you know that the Doctor seemed please according to your last phone call."

Sara suddenly brightened, "Yes you're right, so do you want to brush up before facing the cameras and reporter as well as the Mayor."

Meg laughed at her sister tone. "I'm fine. I assume Bette will be doing a piece."

"Oh yes she will collar you in the corner and get all the gory details. But I'll let you run through everything first if you like. Starting with your new job and apartment … car is this way." Sara added waving the car keys.

Meg gave her a look and huffed. "I do know the way Sis." As she took the keys and started to follow her sister out she added. "Okay I'll run though it for you and then for Mum and then for Bette. Hope there are drinks with this 'do' because I'm going to need them." And heard her sister's chuckle.

oxoxo

Meg was feeling happy as she walked from the Sunset Sisters for lunch with Gabi, they had decided on a café near the police station as the Java Web had very little space for prams. Time was flying by and so far everything was going well. Her pray had been answered the Mayor had kept his speech short and jokes even shorter as he handed over the cheque and plaque to herself and Sara. She could not stand the man he'd even tried to hog the picture but the photographer knew his job and pushed him into place.

She'd had caught up on some of the gossip, and everyone she met so far had accepted her story including the bubbly and probing Aunt Bette. As for her mother looked good and sounded happy so it confirmed her sister's comments that her father was more relaxed with life. Of course there was talk about Ben and Maria but it had not jarred as much as she thought it would, and she was getting over that funny feeling she'd had when she arrived. She gave Tess and Annie a quick wave as she passed The Gallery she could not see Maria and guessed she might be talking to the Mayor or Aunt Bette.

The café was not too crowded and she spotted Gabi sitting at the table her baby in a small convertible pram and beside her were a very proud father and brother. Antonio got up as soon as he saw Meg and they greeted and hugged then a quick check that everything was all right before he went on his way with a promise to see them tonight. Ricardo waved the waitress over and excused himself from eating but he had to be back at the office in ten minutes. Meg sat and ordered the food while she congratulated him and Gabi on the daughter who was fast asleep. After Ricardo left, Meg and Gabi talked about everything they could think of as they ate till her daughter woke and told them she was hungry. After she was discreetly feed they said happy goodbyes with promises to email often, agreeing that phone calls might be difficult because of the baby and Ricardo working hours and time zones.

Meg knew she had to make her own way back to the apartment and wandered round Sunset Beach spotting things to buy, changes that had happened and lost in memories she bumped into someone as she turned a corner. Tim Truman picked her bags up and they chatted, he was on his way to the hospital to see Abby who was fine but still a little underweight so would stay for in a little longer. She was pleased for him as fatherhood and Tess's love obviously agreed with him, his obsession about her was gone.

She let herself into the apartment and put her things down on the sofa knowing Sara was resting. Her mind wandered into memories as her hands gently touching familiar things in the room and as she lent on the doorframe looking out into the garden, It was only the need for a drink that brought her back and into the kitchen and then finally facing the packing she'd promised herself. It really was not going to be difficult all her things were in bags or small boxes anyway so Casey had put some larger boxes out for her for the next stage on.

It was quiet and she had the urge to mail home and tell John everything was fine. She smiled there it was again 'home', the strong feeling of home being here had not come back not even as she wandered around the apartment or chatted with her mother. Perhaps it would come back tonight when she met them all at the Shock Wave. She plugged the laptop in and opened the cupboard doors ready to start her sorting out as it booted up. By the time it was ready she knew what to say.

**Hi **

**Everything is fine photo shoot went well. **

**Mum is happy … seeing Dad later. Sara is … well ... large only way of putting it but healthy. Casey is definitely the very proud father to be. As for the twins I have felt them and they are really trying to play ball in there … just as well they don't have one. … Don't envy her at night. **

**Just as well Robert has large plane cannot decide what to leave behind … so I'm bring it all back and decide later. **

**Going to meet everyone now. Decided to take photos as keepsakes.**

**Hey!!!! Don't give Jackie a hard time! ... Or Simon will chuck you over his shoulder again!**

**Love you. **

**Meg xxxxxxxx**

She pressed the key sending it and deleting all trace of it then packed the laptop away and looked out the window into the garden. For a moment lost in thought she could see them all as a family with the twins on the swings, everyone chatting and laughing with Shep running around them. As he looked up at her, wagging his tail she shook her head knowing it would never be possible and got on with the packing.

Meg had nearly finished when she came across the box of figurines; she took them out carefully and checked them over as her mind gently whisked back to the Casita and that stormy night. She rewrapped them and put the box in the larger one. Then she found the box with love bowl and took it out fingering it gently; his voice ringing in her ears and was interrupted by her sister's voice.

"Your leaving us for good aren't you?" Sara said from the doorway, she had finished her nap and came to see if her sister had returned and found her sitting there obviously miles away.

Meg did not look round at her sister instead she silently carefully put the love bowl in the paper rewrapping and boxing it letting her mind come back to the present. She was going to tell everyone over the meal that she would not be fully returning, she knew that everyone else had got the impression that her stay would be as long as the jobs lasted and then she would return to the fold. But as ever her sister had picked up her feelings as well as the fact that the cupboards were empty … nothing of hers would remain here.

She ran her fingers through her hair to get it away from her face then turned to face her sister with a gentle loving smile. "Yes, but I will be visiting as I said. I will try for your twins or Christmas which ever is soonest and lots of times after."

Sara laughed but it had a catch in it "They reckon last week in November or early December." Then she said gently. "You still have feelings for Ben don't you. … You were happy as you got off the plane but edgy on the drive in … now you've settled down … is that because he's left you alone. ... I know I warned you just after Samantha was born but that was months ago now … they are fantastic together as well as with Benjy. You can set up business here you're not tied to the shop you know. Cheaper living … small rent … I know it will get crowded but you'll love the kids I'm sure. I'll be good give you space so will Dad."

It come out as a rush and Meg could tell Sara was suffering from her insecurity again but this time it was not directed at her and Casey just her… sisterly love not sisterly competition anymore.

She looked at her sister and said it gently but firmly. "Sis I'm over Ben … was over him before I left, remember I left him before he went to Seattle … I knew he needed to be with his family. She was his first love after all and they had Benjy. … You say Dad has changed he understands his love for Mum better and our place in the family. … Well I've changed become stronger in myself. I know I did the right thing regarding Ben we had our time together, which was special now we are meant to be apart. … Unfortunately some people will always think of us as a couple just as others always thought we should never have been together. … Sis I need this time away from here so I can come back as myself with no history round my neck and that takes time. … …. Do you remember when you left home you found the independence good?"

Sara nodded and smiled remembering she thought her parents loved Meg more than her and had challenged them to support her and allow her to leave home. They did and in doing so she found herself and also realised they three loved her equally. Her smile changed to a rueful one as she said. "Till I fell from grace with the Senator."

Meg gave a gentle laugh, which Sara joined in with, and then added. "We'll forget that bit expect the fact we didn't reject you. The other bit was good though you found Casey and now your own family. I need that independence sis, and I need privacy because of my past here but most of all I need to know I have your love and support in the background as you had mine when you were away even if you did not want it then.

I have found some wonderful people I want to get to know and there's a hole in the job market that is not here. ... There are a lot of PA's in Sunset just waiting for a job or students needing research jobs, I enjoyed the shop as well … it brought us back together again in a way that will give us the strength to stay together in spite of the distance."

She watched her sister think things through noticing how she rubbed her back as she lent against the door frame and wondered if the rest had done her any good her sister's voice brought her back from drifting thoughts. "The apartment will be ours then."

Meg smiled her sister had accepted it and jumped to the next question. "Yes but we'll keep things as they are for now save changing the paper work again, we'll talk about a buyout sometime in the future, not now. The rent will only increase as the utility charges do. I like the changes you've made and you can paint anything you want just let me know if you need anything major like a huge extension for the kids."

Sara chuckled, eyes threatening to tear up as Meg carried on. "We'll both be tied up me with work and you with the babies and then there's the time zone thing. So we'll keep to emails with the occasional fixed phone call as we do now. I don't know about you but I like the family group at the Centre it saves me having to say everything twice."

Getting her emotions under control Sara smiled remembering how the sessions with or without her father had ended up as a chat over coffee sort of keeping the family group together a bit longer.

Seeing the slight flicker of sadness Meg continued. "Hey, I will come back and see you when you have the twins and after for birthdays and things, just not stay too long but I will need definite dates for those two so I can plan things."

Sara eyed her sister and sighed as she spoke. "Okay I know that tone of yours … I'll give you as definite dates as I can although the way my back is aching it could be tonight."

At her sister's words Meg remembered how things always seemed to come in a rush or go cockeyed and the thought of twins tonight was a bit frightening and said. "Nah you wouldn't do that to us surely."

Sara smiled as she watched the concern flicker across her sister's face and tried to catch her out. "Could be ..." then added gently. "Promise me you'll tell me everything one day, even that possible 'one' that's just a hint away."

"Sis! I told you it is not even a hint away. Now that's just what I don't need from you!" She gently chided her sister, who smiled at her with a mouthed 'okay' as Meg carried on in her normal tone. "I need to explain things to Dad before we eat so we should be off. Thinking about the twins coming early and to save postage what about you choosing something from the baby shop … I could reserve it then Casey or Dad could collect it when they are born, furniture or clothes I happy with either."

Sara laughed accepting she'd trod on her toes with her remark and exclaimed. "Hey, you've just given us the apartment Meg." At Meg's look she knew that bit of new was to be quiet and said. "Okay I'll have a look in the book and tell you either before you leave or email you." then reassured her. "Its okay they were just having a really good kicking session, my back's better now ... guess they don't like me lying down too much. … Mind you that's getting more difficult … getting up I mean." at her sisters smile she added. "What about Sunset Sisters are you going to want to sell your half to raise cash for an apartment or to keep you going?"

Meg felt better and knew her thoughts about it and said. "No I want to stay in, sort of sleeping partner … we'll deal with any profits or losses when we get them. I have some money at the moment, a roof over my head and a job lined up as I explained. I would like to have some input on ideas about the shop so keep me informed on what's happening. I was thinking Mum and Dad could join in if they wanted to move out of the Shock Wave that way it would still be in the family. … Though I expect they will want to help with the babies and let you go in the shop. Are we going over to The Deep straight after our meal with Mum and Dad?"

She was quietly relieved Meg was keeping in with the shop it would mean they would not drift apart remembering the infrequent calls she'd made when she'd been away from home and answered her. "Yes, Casey should be joining us for the meal if not just after. You can catch up with his gossip then. It's casual night so you can come as you are."

"That sounds good. I'll ring Robert about the packing cases and check about the flight he said there was a deal that might come off tonight. I'll meet you at your car in a moment."

As she sealed the last box and wrote the word fragile in large letters before finding her phone Sara turned to leave and said very seriously. "You do know the way don't you."

Meg snorted at her sister's tease and quipped back. "Yes and I'll have you beside me when I drive."

"Just wondering." Sara said innocently then smiled. "We'll leave the key at reception if it will make thing easy. See you in five." and left her realising her sister wanted to make the phone call in private.

oxoxo

The Shock Wave was fairly quiet when they arrived, Sara went over to her mother who was wiping down a table, at her touch on the shoulder.

Joan stopped and greeted them then nodded towards the serving counter. Meg followed her mother's gaze and saw her father talking to a group and as they moved to go out she saw Benjy and Maria at the counter. She walked slowly towards them checking them out and wondering what the reception was going to be like.

Benjy saw her first a smile lit up his face and a bright "Meg!" as he walked towards her with an ice cream in his hand.

Maria and Hank looked round they both smiled. Meg was slightly shocked as both smiles were genuine, her father's she accepted but Maria's she was living with… she quickly squashed that thought remembering Robert's, Jack's and John's warning to take everything at face value as though she don't know the truth. Her voice came out warm with the love that she had for the boy, as did her smile. "Hi Benjy, your favourite I see, had a good day, guess school must have finished already."

Benjy was licking his ice cream to stop it dribbling and Meg could see he was trying to think of an answer, which covered her questions, tough for a small lad, she should have done it one at a time. But then he looked at her and answered. "Yes thank you, Mummy's picked me up and I'm staying with Zach tonight because Daddy's out with Sammy." Then went back to his ice cream but offered her his hand.

Wow that was a big answer, gone was the shy little lad who could hardly put more than three words together especially when she was around. Instead there was a happy confident lad, full of fun and love and she took his hand realising this was his way of showing friendship.

As they walked the short distance back to his mother, Maria smiled and called across. "Ben's babysitting today so I could enjoy the photo shoot and an evening out. Congratulations by the way I hope you've had a good day so far. … You'll be staying for the do tonight I trust."

Meg smiled. "Yes it has been thank you. Congratulations on your placing. Of course Sara and the others have done the hard work regarding the shop. We're having a family tea now then I expect I'll be at The Deep see the friends who've had to work today."

Maria looked at both Meg and Benjy as she spoke. "That will be nice … lots of gossip to catch up on. Come on Benjy let's move or you'll be late for your sleepover. Thank you Hank I'll tell Ben about next week's meeting, he was so sure it was the week after. Meg …Take care … I'm glad you're settled now and things turned out all right in the end."

At his name Benjy released Meg's hand and walked over to the door of the Shock Wave while concentrating on his ice cream the way kids do.

Meg smiled watching them trying hard not to see hidden meanings in Maria's last words; her warmth of friendship was genuine as it had been when they had first known each other. Perhaps that was the trouble she wanted to see a two-headed monster but instead saw a concerned friend and loving mother with a son to be proud of.

She felt her father's hand on her arm and turned towards him and into a hug, she felt the warmth of her love for him take over. They broke apart and he stepped back from her for a moment neither knew what to say … they had left on a bad note and now they were hugging as though nothing had happened and yet both knew they had a lot of ground to cover.

Meg spoke first and to her surprise her voice was steady, though her heart was racing not through fear but love, knowing deep down nothing could destroy the love they had for each other change it yes perhaps but not destroy it. "You're looking great Dad … Glad things are working out well with Mum and here … I need a private word before tea."

Hank nodded, his eyes were bright and slight smile came to his face at her words. "You're looking good too … whatever you're doing it is right for you. … I'm sorry I tried to protect you too much. Lets take a walk on the beach, Mum and Sara can deal with the meal it's in the ovens … advantage of having a café ... it's roast not burgers by the way just got to hope the customers don't think it's theirs."

She smiled and gave a gentle laugh as she followed him out, suddenly realising it was just like home having the meals done by other people, and there it was again the feeling of home being far away no longer here … at tea would it be different or was this the way things were always going to feel her home was not here. She put the thought aside and followed him out of the Shock Wave knowing her mother and sister would give them time.

oxoxo

The beach was quiet so they found it easy to walk side by side and talk without people over hear or intruding or to be avoided.

She broke the comfortable silence. "Dad I understand you wanted to protect me, in fact all your family in your own way and I love you for it. This break has done me a lot of good made me grow up and understand why you did it. I'm sorry if I hurt you …but something had to blow to part us … I need you to understand I respect and love you and you have my trust." In her mind as she was talking she knew she was not saying this well it sounded so much better when she had thought it over on the plane. "I …

Hank put a hand on her arm as they walked and interrupted gently "Meg, sometimes it's better to spit it out rather than try and cover it with sugar."

She laughed and smiled and saw his slight smile and said. "Dad I love trust and respect you and Mum … without your love and trust I would not be the person I am today or the person I hope to be in the future…"

Hank gave a gentle sigh and finished for her. "You're not coming home to stay as I hoped."

She gave her head a gentle shake and said softly but firmly knowing he'd love in her eyes. "No Dad. I'm leaving Sunset Beach because I found something I want to … I don't know the right words Dad … follow, explore, chase. … It's in its infancy Dad … the job and the friends everything. It's nothing to do with our falling out or my failed relationships it's more to do with the accident of fate that sent me to Boston and let me see a different future."

Hank was silent for a moment as he took in her words and the way she was then said. "So no man lined up just you and your friends." He didn't get any comeback so carried on. "Joan told me your gossip from this morning so I know about your new job, still not where or the name of the firm though. She said you were the same with Bette and she went off to her paper happy. … It's good to know you've found new friends even been riding so I guess the place must be nice." She nodded, he grinned as he carried on. "Bet you were stiff for a while." She nodded again letting him carry on. "That sent some memories going … back on the farm all of us riding together, picnic teas. … … I was a bit worried by your travelling around, no pattern just jumping from one thing to the next. I thought perhaps because of me you no longer trusted people and you were isolating yourself so nothing could hurt you again. I was wrong you look good not haunted."

She rested her free hand on his to reassure him with more than her words as she admitted. "I was hurt and angry at what happened Dad, but I never isolated Robert saw to that. And this is not because of us. … Though you've got to admit it's cleared the air for both of us … done more good than harm." Hank nodded not wanting to interrupt her words. "As your baby I needed you as my father to look after me now I need you to be there for me as a friend rather than a father … I know we will always love each other … even in my anger I still loved you. … But now I need to stand on my own two feet in everything that I do and know that should I need you I can call but not need to…"

"Count for everything you do." He added as she faltered.

She nodded and carried on knowing she could trust him. "Dad … there is something I want you to know … that I cannot tell Sara or Mum just yet. … Sara because she will pry and ask too many questions … ones I don't know the answers to myself yet and Mum I'm not sure she would agree any more than I think you will … but it's my decision and I don't want anyone else knowing yet." She said it in a bit of a rush and was not too sure if it sounded right or made sense especially as her father frowned at the end. And wondered why was it she could talk to him when he was not there and now when he was it came out all muddled?

Hank was silent for a moment knowing she was needing him in totally different way than she had before and yes he could do that if he could work out what she was trying to say and said gently not wanting to frighten her. "That sounds serious sweetheart as well as confusing. But as you say it's your decision and your life. I'm happy you are willing to confide in me the only thing I ask is that I can explain everything to Joan at the right time including the fact you've asked for my silence." He gave a very gentle sigh as he carried on with a hint of a smile. "I really don't want to go back in the shed again." Meg smiled at that and nodded as he added. "You know your Mum can keep a secret if you want to confide in her."

She nodded again and said gently. "I know … I suppose I'm worried about overheard conversations, the feeling that you can get when two know something and the third one doesn't if it's only one person being left out. … I don't want to hurt Sara's feelings either. Dad … this is not to test you … it's so you will understand why I'm leaving though I will be back for short stays ... the odd week or weekends ... just not live here anymore." She hesitated surprised at the strong urge to tell him the whole truth but listened to the little voice of reason that said 'no it would destroy too much' and carried on. "I think I've met someone I could love but I want to keep him clear of Sunset Beach, he knows my past and understands why I'm doing this."

"Meg." He interrupted gently. "You said could, but in your voice it sounds as though you do."

She smiled and nodded realising the change that had taken place he actually listened and understood rather than listened to his own wishes. "I do love him Dad. We both need space and time to make sure it is the right thing for us. … He is married with no children … but it was finished a long time ago, for reasons I will not go into but they are nothing to be ashamed of or against the law and I trust his word on that. Before you ask he cannot get a divorce so if things work out I will be living with him as his partner not his wife and I want you to understand it is my choice as an adult not as a romantic girl or on the rebound from our argument or lack of boyfriends."

Hank stopped walking and looked at her full in the face and she could not see any anger, only concern and love as he brought his hand up to her face and traced it gentle then resting it on her shoulder and said. "Meggie sweetheart. … If you know all the pitfalls and it is the right thing for you to do then do it."

He smiled at her reaction, she had been expecting temper but it was not there, instead there was all the love and support she would ever need regardless of what the future might hold. He carried on gently. "I've learnt a lot these past months, it has strengthen the love I've always felt for your mother and my beautiful strong willed girls. Make sure you have a way out financially if needs be and do not be ashamed to come home if things go wrong. … I understand why you don't want me to tell your mother yet … she will understand when the time is right."

He paused and gave a rueful smile with a little sigh. "Guess I'll never walk you down the aisle again perhaps once was enough for you anyway … you know at the reception after Maria appeared your mum and I were sat at the tables and I wondered why it was happening she told me what I already knew. That we brought you and your sister up to follow your hearts and be strong. … You've had a rocky ride so far but that has helped make you and as you've always said should not be forgotten but accepted. … … I hope this one will be the right one as Casey is for Sara; you've got that twinkle back in your eyes when you smile and that's good.

You're right about Sara though she will pry out of love and concern, perhaps you could tell her in little bits. Just promise me you'll visit when you can, ring if you need help … I suspect you'll want to make it emails rather than phone calls perhaps we could do those once a month at the centre as a family group rather like a family meal only a chat instead. Timing will be left up to you, you can email time and dates … I … we both want you to be happy you are an adult more than ready to fly off and start you own life."

Meg could feel tears starting to come as she softly said "Thanks Dad. I will keep in touch." She found herself enveloped in a hug with a gentle kiss on her head before he released her she reached up and kissed him on his cheek.

He gently eased her round so they were facing the way they had come and said. "Lets go and get tea, Casey's going to be late possibly eat at the Centre depending on how things have been. Perhaps you should give him a private few minutes."

"I shall tell him the same as Sara and everyone else Dad, that there might be something in the future and it's because of my past in Sunset that I need it kept separate. I was hoping for a photo to take back. .. I thought on the rocks at sunset."

"Sounds a good idea and no one will question you're reasons for silence Meg. Wipe the tear away or your Mum will take my tea away." He added handing her a hanky.

She laughed and accepted it "So trades been good."

"Yes though this afternoon has been a bit quiet. …. …

oxoxoxo

Please review any comments welcome.


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25 **

Casey joined them during the meal and having eaten at the centre and sat listening to their chatter. When the meal was finished and the others started to clear up Meg asked him to walk along the beach with the hope of a quick photo before the sunset finally disappeared. As they walked in comfortable silence she knew he was coming to terms with the idea that she would not be coming back permanently, only for visits. He had accepted the news with his usual quietness and a slightly sad smile, which told her he had been looking forward to having her around ... she guessed he'd missed their comfortable friendship as much as she did.

They came to the rocks and decided how to take the photo without either of them getting their feet wet as the waves were gently breaking over the lower rocks. While the orangey red sun slipped below the horizon it coloured the wispy clouds in the sky and the colour mix was reflected on the still water making a beautiful setting. Meg clambered carefully into position and made herself comfortable as she could on the hard rocks and looked across the bay towards the South Pier.

As she sat still she was plummeted into memories of the first time she saw her soulmate and other walks they had along the beach, mingling with them was the knowledge they had been pawns in someone's game. She smiled letting the good times smoother the bad with the knowledge she had his love and her family's acceptance of her wishes. She did not hear the click as Casey took the photo, nor realise she was smiling that special smile she showed when she was truly deeply happy.

Taking photo Casey recognised that smile, it was the one he knew from the goods days when she was with Ben and had fleetingly seen that morning as she came out of the plane. It was the one she'd tried to hide this evening when she talked about her new job or friends she had found. He knew that something was making her deeply happy and that was good and this evening he had been surprised that when Joan had pushed that little bit harder for more information it was Hank you gently but firm told her to leave it not Meg.

Without really thinking he put the camera away while dropping into his memories of his friendship with Meg as well as wondering what would become of it now that family ties were not going to keep her here. His thoughts drifted on to his lost friendship with Ben, how he had found a different one with AJ and Michael, which he hoped would grow stronger and fill the gap and ache for lost friendship.

He was brought back to the present by Meg's gentle cough and she climbed off the rocks to be beside him. Feeling embarrassed at being caught in memories he blurted out. "Just remembering old friendships one gone and the other leaving for a new future. You will be happy won't you?"

She knew instantly whom he meant and wanted desperately to tell him he had not lost the friendship, it was one of the things that John missed as well. She smiled nodding gently then said. "I will … as for old friendships gone I don't think it's died just buried for the moment. You were there for each other when you both needed it that's the important thing, now you both have families to concentrate on so it will lie quiet till its needed again. I know our friendship will always be there even if there are a few miles between us."

His arms came round her and she found herself in a gentle quiet hug, she hoped she had given him something to help the ache. Casey released her and with a slow smile and a nod said. "Yes we were there for each other and we are both happy now. …Perhaps one day it will come back …you're right about us we can make it in spite of the distance and I understand you're need for privacy." He gave a gentle laugh "Guess I can smother you with photo's you know the first smiles … and you send something back to us … you smiling by a tree or rock … when the time is right of course." She nodded with a smile as he carried on. "Come on let's get back to the Shock Wave and get ready for the 'do'."

His phone rang so he stepped away from her as he answered then listened "Okay we'll be there soon love." He came back to her. "That was Sara John's picked up your stuff for the plane apparently they are loading tonight in case Robert needs to move early something about a deal being closed soon." Seeing her start he said with a smile. "It's okay John's left your over night things though."

Meg had jumped at John's name then clamed as her brain clicked in to who John was and smiled half expecting a question instead Casey moved away and she walked beside him back towards the Shock Wave into the comfortable silence she asked. "How is at the Centre?"

His quick easy reply told her he would not question her reaction, would let her take the lead, perhaps that had been the order of the day 'Let Meg be in charge then she might return home' but now it was only visits not the permanent stay they had wanted.

"Fine we are reorganising things, Sara wants me to find a safer job, one of the lifeguards was badly injured in a fight during a rescue and that has worried her. AJ has offered me a full time job on the conservation side meeting people and discussing projects similar to the work I was doing with you and Ben. It's more money, which will come in handy; AJ knows how I feel about paperwork and being stuck in an office everyday so we've got to thrash out a few ideas before it becomes public knowledge."

"That sounds interesting, I know you'll miss the open air and people but you'll have more time at home, no more evening or weekend shifts. The crowd at Liberty Corp are good. What about Surf Central is that still all right?"

"Yes two girls and two boys, two have jobs the other two are on their last year at college. As you can guess it's quite a household when all the friends get together and they are keeping up the tradition of parties, not too loud though."

She laughed remembering their parties and they chatted happily back to the Shock Wave where she met up with her parents and Sara then they split up into their groups with promises to meet up at the Deep later.

oxoxo

Leaning against the bar at The Deep Meg was feeling totally relaxed, a group of friends from Lib. Corp and Life Guards were just mingling with the others having talked her and themselves to a stop. She smiled watching Sara and Casey shuffle to the music, which was a mixture of old and new, her parents were fairly close by chatting with AJ, Bette and Robert. Amongst the crowd on the dance floor she spotted Maria, Tess and Annie chatting to friends, as well as the group from The Bluebell Shop. Meg waved as she saw Michael and Vanessa come down the stairs they waved back. She knew it wouldn't take them long to come to the bar beside her, Ricardo and Antonio moved to make sure they had some room when they arrived.

"Meg! Good to see you." Michael greeted her as he got closer they hugged then he stepped aside to let Vanessa through.

As she hugged Meg she said. "You're looking good, got all the low down from Bette at work as well as the paper. Have you seen her article?" She stepped back saying. "Evening Ricardo, Antonio. Gabi and baby all right."

Ricardo and Antonio smiled and nodded yes while Meg replied to her first question. "So are you. Yes thanks it's a good one. I also saw your article in the city paper a couple of weeks back. Going to take them by storm then?"

Vanessa laughed "No … talk about dog eat dog at least here I can work in peace. Mind you it means I've got better contacts and they are willing to take my work seriously now. Not just a small town hack anymore. Michael's got promotion for the next year as their leader has gone on a course after that he will be able to start a new team."

"Congratulations trust the pay goes up as well."

Michael gave a chuckle, "Yes thank goodness. Just going to grab us a drink. You okay with yours Meg, your usual Vanessa?"

"Yes thanks Michael, the gang from Lib. brought me this before they invaded the dance floor."

Vanessa thought for a moment then gave a wicked smile. "No as you're paying I feel like living dangerously so choose one. Be back in a sec."

Meg laughed and let her mind wander while listening to the music, acknowledged a wave from a friend as they chatted to someone else and Ricardo's voice drifted through. "Hey that's a bit old wasn't it Maria's and Ben's favourite."

Antonio put his drink down while answering. "Yes and I must see him and sound him out about the problem before I go to those meetings tomorrow afternoon."

"Good idea he was always willing to help in the past." Ricardo said with confidence.

The music changed to ones she recognised and Antonio's reply drifted into the background as memories of her and Ben dancing close together, here and at Santa Barbara became stronger.

She dipped back into the present because Michael and Vanessa came back wished her well and started their drinks. Memories surrounding her because it was hers and Ben's favourite song and in the quiet bit of the song they heard a baby's cry coming from stairway they all looked across the room expecting an anxious parent to come rushing in.

There was no rush … in fact the opposite the father walked down the stairs full of confidence cradling the crying baby with ease; smiling and reassuring people he passed while looking for the person he needed. When he saw her he smiled and with a slight nod of his head towards the office told her what he wanted her to do. She smiled happily back; there was no mistaking the love between them.

Meg vaguely heard Antonio's quiet words "I'm going to grab Ben while he's here. He's smiling so Sammy must be all right even if she is crying. Night Ricardo, Meg."

Everything slipped into the background as Meg felt the rush of love and wanting and her heart did a flip it always did when her lover and soulmate was around. Her mind slammed into action and screamed at her '**Not your lover and soulmate!**' she tried to get her breath as she watched him walk through the crowd to Maria and hand Samantha over to her and she made her way to the office for some privacy gently reassuring the still crying baby.

The argument in Meg continued. This was not a facade it was Ben in every movement and fibre of his body, from the confident way he carried himself to the smile which lit up his face giving people the reassurance they needed and the caring way he turned to Antonio as they met and talked.

The truth screamed through her body and her mind 'He had **no** right to have their **love** and **friendship,** he was not **Ben, not her** **soulmate, not their friend**!!' She needed to get out of there before she screamed the truth out loud. But she could not breathe or move.

oxoxo

Nearby Robert watched Meg as soon as Ben had made his entrance and knew the agony she was in even if it didn't show to those standing around her. He spoke briefly to AJ and Bette then moved quickly and easily to Meg's side so his body blocked her view of Ben. He gently took her drink before it fell to the floor. His smile was natural his voice gentle light but insistent so those around could hear and she would react as he wanted her too. "Meg! I'm sorry I need you to help close a deal on the phone outside. Casey! Can I borrow your car if I can't get a signal AJ's is further and difficult to get out."

"Robert!" Meg said, as her mind latched on to what he said and felt his touch, with the word she was able to catch some air and started breathing again.

"Of course you can, here are the keys, though you should get a signal all right. Why now?" Casey's calm voice helped ground her. She had not realised they were so close, she felt hemmed in.

Robert's slightly embarrassed tone made everything so natural. "Forgot time zones and unfortunately Wingate and Wingate will only speak to Meg. Remembered it before I came in then it slipped my mind till now. Must be old age."

Casey laughed and swapped the keys for Meg's drink and Robert gently eased her into movement by holding her hand. She still could not think properly but a name popped into her head and out of her mouth and sounded natural. "Mr Longstop."

Robert guided her towards the stairs nearing Ben who was chatting to Antonio and Bette had joined them. Ben watched them with a slight nod and friendly smile, which showed concern at their leaving, she saw it was genuine not a show he was Ben through and through...

Robert's voice cut through her thoughts "Yes. Dear old Mr Longstop and we've got ten minutes till the deadline." There wasn't a pause but his tone changed as though he had tried this line before and failed and it was loud enough so Ben and the others could hear. "As I said before there is always a job for you if you want it."

Her mind was still on the first part of his sentence as she exclaimed. "He's impossible!"

Robert knew this referred to Mr Longstop who was impossible but also very understanding and insisted. "No he's not, not when you speak to him."

"So are you come to that?" She bantered automatically as she realised what he was doing.

He didn't answer he just smiled as they had to walk single file up the stairs to allow others to come in and then they were out on the pavement. The fresh air and quiet street along with Robert's gentle words "Breath and relax Meg its fine just memories through music nothing more," helped clear her head as they walked towards Casey's car.

She held his arm and breathed, feeling shocked and embarrassed she had seen 'him' as Ben before at the Deep and not been affected. Those times she had not known who he really was but this time when she knew the difference her heart flipped! The voice of reason told her it was the music and memories that set it off but did not to stop her she snapping out angrily at herself. "They were familiar songs **but** it was **our **song as he walked in with Samantha … **Robert!** I reacted as though he was **Ben!** My soulmate … My heart flipped. … He **is** Ben in every single way even that smile of love and concern reaching his eyes … …with Bette, Antonio … it's … it's as though John was never existed." She whispered the last words feeling shattered.

Robert unconsciously checked the street, no one was near, he realised the pain and guilt she was going through knew that touching her would bring her to tears so said gently, soothingly. "Easy Meg. … To him John does not exist … there is only one now … the obsession died last year. As long as he believes that he will be that quiet, gentle caring man they know and respect. … That is what John wants him to be, needs him to be. …You were fine Meg … if he thought anything of our leaving he will think it was memories catching up on you, more likely he saw me being a bossy boss who desperately needed to close a deal and Bette and AJ will confirm that story."

He unlocked and opened the car door, then tried his phone while waiting for pick up he said urgently. "Meg. I need you to chat to Mr Longstop. All you need to do is to confirm the figures he will give you and tell him the deal is for the next 5 years and I will sign it as soon as I arrive in Boston tomorrow. Have you got that?"

She looked at him in surprise and nodded, catching on that this was a real deal not a fake one just to get her out of The Deep.

"Mr Longstop I'm sorry I'm near to time … Yes I've got Meg here as you requested I'm sure she will confirm the information for you. I'll hand you over now."

"Mr Longstop glad to know you are well." Meg managed to say with a smile in her voice.

As Meg listened she found her business brain clicking in confirming, correcting as necessary, a few words about family then lastly confirming the deal and time of signature. She felt shaky as she signed off and looked over to Robert in disbelief exclaiming. "It's worth 20 Million dollars! Robert!"

Robert laughed. "See told you, you were good. When building a cover story keep to much truth as possible. … Come on let's go back and finish the party, celebrate the deal, possibly give Vanessa a scoop for the morning paper. No doubt Sara will want to leave fairly soon you should go with her. I'll be going back with Bette and AJ."

"I can't" Meg gasped thinking of facing Ben.

Robert smiled. "Hey! You've just closed a 20 Million deal remember you can. Just act natural, you were lovers now you are friends he will treat you like that and you know no different … he is Ben. … Don't feel guilty about your reactions just now and don't hid them."

"You'll stay near." Deep down she knew she had to do it, wanted to do to prove she could, she had promised she could.

"Of course." He locked Casey's car and started to walk her back to The Deep, telling her about Bette escapades earlier, which made her laugh.

By the time they were walking down the stairs into the Deep everything was all right, it was, people were dancing and talking as though nothing had happened. Maria came out of the office with the baby asleep in her arms to join Ben who was talking with Meg's parents, AJ and Bette. Robert guided her over to the bar where Michael, Vanessa, Sara and Casey were drinking and chatting with Ricardo who was just going to leave.

Robert said. "Casey your keys thanks you were right we got a good signal now for a drink I'm celebrating though nothing said till the morning." He added looking pointedly at Vanessa, who smiled sweetly back as she said. "So your deal with Wingate and Wingate was a success then."

Robert grinned. "Oh I knew you were sharp. To the tune of 20 Million see I told you Meg was good and I want her but unfortunately she's turned me down for new ideas and independence ... your usual Meg."

"Please. Night Ricardo give regards to Gabi." Meg managed with a smile. After Robert ordered and got the drinks she let the chatter between him, Vanessa and the group wash over her smiling and laughing when necessary.

"Everything all right Meg." Came the soft concerned British voice, which made her heart jump.

She turned partway round responding totally naturally with a bright smile, her voice was warm and gentle as it always was to him. This close up he was her soulmate and there was nothing she could do about it so she accepted it. "Fine thanks Ben I can see you are … though I think Samantha's a bit young to start clubbing."

He smiled and laughed, "Car trouble I'm afraid, which led to a hungry baby and Maria's milk bar was nearer than the fridge at Ocean Drive. As you could hear she has a good pair of lungs but otherwise we are fine thank you." Very gently he added so only she could hear. "Hope you're no longer hiding from your father I know you love him very much."

She gave a gentle shake of her head, recognising the tone of voice, which showed not only love but respect for her father just as his brother always used to do. She answered easily "Things are fine with my father thank you. I'm not hiding Ben, after all the interference we had I value my privacy while I do things I really want to … explore for a while if you like. Robert's celebrating he remembered a deal that had to be done tonight and needed me to close it. I'm surprised they let you arrange tonight because of Maria's connection they used to be hot on that kind of thing."

Ben looked over at Robert who nodded and explained, "Worth 20 million dollars and Meg gets some commission details in the paper tomorrow right Vanessa."

Vanessa sipped her drink and nodded.

"Wow she'll beat the City papers again. Meg you did well. As for tonight's 'do' I'm only the emergency manager now, the real boss does the organising so it's all done properly. Doing lots of little things financially but Sammy and Benjy take up a lot of my time … I do the book keeping side of The Gallery." He gave a gentle laugh, which tore through her as he carried on. "It seems wrong to employ a book keeper when I can do it. If your around tomorrow Benjy's having some friends round at the Shock Wave for an 'eat in' as he calls it I'm sure he'd love to see you catch up on stories. Franklin is still around but we have to be careful with Sammy make sure they don't sleep together. I've been out all day so missed the gossip any boyfriends?"

She managed to keep her voice calm. "We're leaving in the morning so I'll miss Benjy's do but I saw him and Maria at the Shock Wave earlier he does you proud. I'm keeping busy finding my feet as far as my work is concerned as I said exploring so no ties." She wasn't even going to touch her cover story with him it felt too personal, he would no doubt find out from Bette.

He smiled his voice was gentle. "So you're not coming back full time."

"Depends on the work if it is as good as I think then I will stay come back for visits as I said I'm exploring possibilities and Robert will always have first refusal if I do come back."

"That's good. I'm glad your happy … that special twinkle's back in your eyes. Must go and collect the ladies, perhaps we'll get together next time you come."

He was gone with a smile and words to everyone he passed, which was returned with genuine respect and friendship; she tried to stop the shiver, which went down her spine thinking about his 'That's good' it sounded so loaded…

Casey's voice cut into her thoughts. "Meg. Sara and I are going do you want to stay and have Bette bring you back, Hank and Joan have already gone they are coming over for breakfast."

"I'm coming Casey. Robert I'll see you in the morning, thanks for the lift."

Robert laughed and hugged her. "I'll give you your commission when I see you in the morning. Casey, Sara nice meeting you again I'll be round about eight to pick her up if that's all right or I can make it a bit later if you like."

"No that will be fine I've got morning shift and Joan and Hank have the morning shift at the Shock Wave. We can say bye from the apartment I know how Meg hates airport farewells. Just make sure she gets were she's going this time." Casey teased as he finished.

Robert laughed. "You know she'll never live her travelling reputation down."

Meg exclaimed. "That's so unfair as the pair of you started it. Night Robert, Vanessa, Michael take care." Then she turned to follow Casey and Sara and felt a hand on her arm and heard a gentle exclamation. "Hey Muffin what about me!"

"Bette!" She hugged her friend carrying on. "Lovely seeing you so happy and thanks for the article it was good."

Bette laughed then released her friend saying. "You take care of yourself I'll see you when your sister makes the news and I trust you will have something more for me. … a little spicier than this time."

Meg laughed and left them feeling a bit happier.

oxoxo

In the quiet of her room she lay in bed letting the pictures of the day run through her head, enjoying the love of her family and friends. The knowledge she would have to be calmer around the twin, knowing he did not suspect the truth and Robert was right the twisted obsession was gone replaced by gentleness and love for his wife, family and friends. Perhaps it was right they should both have happiness where they could get it.

She drifted to sleep seeing a different sunset from tonight … one with her real soulmate sat beside her in the trap, a view down the valley with the sun light bouncing off the turning leaves as it drops behind the mountains. Shep sitting beside the trap ever watchful while Sandy snorting gently in the background harnessed ready for the journey back and held by Simon who was talking quietly with Jackie who had driven her in the car. Quiet friendly sunsets rather than the romantic ones in Sunset Beach all precious and worth remembering.


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter 26**

Meg woke early and chatted happily with her family over breakfast and then when Robert came to pick her up there were hugs and kisses with promises to email as soon as she got back. She felt as though the drive to the airport was taking forever, though perhaps that was good as along with Robert's comfortable silence beside her it allowed her to regain her composure. She wiped another tear from her eyes relieved they had not started before she left the apartment, her family would have been worried.

She could not place the reason for the tears or the feeling she had that she was breaking ties and closing a chapter. The apartment was still hers and would be in good hands … be loved and give love. She had not found that elusive home feeling here again so the going away was harder and the town had lost the sinister feeling she had on arrival. It now felt more like a pleasant place to come and visit, a place with mixed memories … a part of her growing up into the woman she was now ... a bit like if she visited her old farm and town. She chided herself because she knew she would be coming back again for visits and they need not be short ones of a day either. It was still her family's home and she would cope better the next time and **he** had kept his distance was not a threat so this was not a final farewell. So there should not be tears.

Eventually the car stopped and fully settled Meg got her overnight bag then walked beside Robert through the airport lounge to the door out on to the runway for private flights. She stopped short when she saw Ben standing by the VIP lounge and Robert whispered. "I'll be close by." and walked over to the reception desk.

She watched Ben walk over to her with a concerned smile, stop in front of her and heard his gently. "Tears Meg, you're not leaving for good are you? Not because of me surely."

She gave a soft broken laugh and said gently but firmly. "No I'm not leaving because of you Ben. We were over a long time before I left Sunset Beach. I'm leaving because I want to, my choice and tears … well why not. Now go back to Maria and your beautiful children they need you and love you."

His smile did not flicker, not visibly to anyone passing by - they would have thought he was the same caring Ben Evans chatting to a friend. But it had changed in the eyes, which were the entrance to his soul just as they were the entrance to his twin's soul. She had not recognised it in the warehouse where he had seduced her while her soulmate powerlessly looked on, knowing that one warning sound would have been the death of her. This time she was wiser and knew the difference could even feel the longing in him; see him mentally laughing at her because he knew something she did not.

Well they both could play at that game, and she had Robert close by, whom she had no doubt could play nasty if needed. She breathed carefully, schooled her face and her heart ready to listen to his words. Noticing as he said her name he became her soulmate because he called her in the same loving way his twin did. But any rush of emotion didn't come because she remembered the strands of white hair founded in shock. The twins could never look the same again just sound it. The flicker of thought never touched her eyes, which showed that she was listening with care to a friend who speaking.

"Meg, … I know what you said about the deal but when you passed me you looked disturbed and I was worried that our memories might set you running again. I could not say anything then too many people around but I always valued our love and those precious times together, especially at the Casita and Santa Barbara, I cannot forget them. I valued your love as much as you value mine … all I ever wanted was for you to be happy." His voice was softer more caring as he carried on. "Meg, I need to know you are happy that it's not just a put up job … a front for your family and friends. … After all I know what you gave up for your family's love Meg."

She felt sick at the mention of her memories and love, tried to smile hoping it looked right it certainly did not feel it. To her surprise her voice was steady and tender not harsh at all as she answered him straight away. "I value my memories and family, and I am happy. Of course the memories were all around me last night so much happened at The Deep and Sunset Beach it's all part of the person I am now." She glanced around her as she carried on. "I didn't see my parents hovering anxiously last night nor now so why should you … we are casual friends nothing more Ben. I left The Deep last night because Robert needed my help and I see Vanessa got her scoop that must have given the Editor a very late night. Now I really must go Robert has a meeting to go to."

Instead of moving away from her Ben moved in towards her and raised his hand so it nearly brushed her face, she stepped back keeping her eyes on him and her voice soft but firm. "No! Not a good idea Ben. You decided the rules with the letter you sent me. You said you wanted me to be happy and I shall be, lots of families live apart because they want to. You have a loving wife, a beautiful baby daughter and son who is growing up to be a fine lad so go back to them and forget me. Don't pester my family with questions it would be very unfair, and you were never that Ben."

For a moment longer his eyes seemed to bore into her soul then she heard a gentle cough from Robert and suddenly there was gentleness in the eyes and he was back to Ben as she knew him. It sent a shiver down her spine, which she hoped was hidden by her turn towards Robert as if checking he was all right.

Ben also turned towards Robert and said easily. "Take care of her Robert."

In a quick easy movement Robert was by her side with a hand on her arm as he said "Ben" with a nod of his head as a friendly dismissal.

Meg felt Robert guide her silently to the plane and only half heard his greeting to the pilot as they entered the plane. "Morning. We need to cover our tracks so we'll stop at Seattle then plan which is best, unscheduled stops or different planes, either way I must in Boston on time.

The pilot's smile turned serious as he nodded and went to the cockpit.

As she found her seat and settled in Robert sat beside her and said gently "It will be all right you did well. … He does not know the truth … he still thinks he's got one over you." Robert sighed as he relaxed. "I've never seen anyone change so quickly and so easily if I hadn't known the signs I would have missed it. … I have no doubt he's done it most of his life … to friends and family, it's no wonder his brother was worried."

Meg ran her fingers though her hair and let the shiver run through her, feeling her nerves start to steady down. She looked out the window as the plane taxied out to the runway wanting to get as far away from Sunset Beach as quickly as possible. Also really realising for the first time that she could not come back for visits as she hoped, he had unknowingly shown her she was a target and she said almost to herself. "John was right all along. …I … I can't stay here anymore can I."

Robert nodded his agreement knowing she needed to hear the truth confirmed. "No you can't … nor can you stay away for the birth of the twins."

Meg looked at him in surprise and he carried on gently. "You are still too close a family to have you stay away at such a special occasion. He would wonder and come after you he has money and time in spite of his love for Maria and children. Your staying away from Sunset Beach must be natural and have good grounds. We can work on that as well as introduce your friendship to John. As for the birth of the twins Mat and I will be nearby just like this time. You will have good reason to stay close to your family then after that it will have to be flying visits perhaps 24 hours either Mat or I will be available each time Meg."

"It's not fair on you or Mat." She sighed realising the truth and accepting it.

He smiled and said gently "I'm in and out of Sunset Beach anyway and who said life was fair Meg … interesting and different maybe." She gave a slight smile and a shake of her head; he could always lift her spirits and carried on listening. "Think of the fact he has not really won … you have your soulmate and life. … Didn't he just say he wanted you to be happy? And you will be."

She gave a chuckle "Yes he did. But what about Bette and the others who don't know the truth."

He became serious but still gentle. "They see a caring man, hopefully he will stay that way he loves Maria and his family and you love John. You never know with Samantha growing up the obsession for you might wan but we cannot bank on it. Just wait and see what happens at the birth of the twins at least we will know what to expect and work our way around it."

As Meg sighed and started to relax the engines came onto full power, she was going home to be with her soulmate and that was good enough.

oxoxo

They were in the air and Robert was sorting out the tea when his phone rang he answered and listened "Yes showed his true colours though they were well disguised and Meg's okay" He listened again then chuckled. "Thanks Mat. I'll be in touch you take care now." He put the phone down and collected the cups and put one in front of Meg then sat down.

"Well" Meg said slightly crossly as his grin was ear to ear and his eyes sparkled.

Robert shook his head then took pity on her. "Mat rang to say Ben's car trouble last night was a fake but he's got car trouble now. ... Sorry … back to last night. His entrance at The Deep was a set up. I don't mean Samantha's crying was deliberate, that was the icing on the cake. All he needed was her in his arms as he walked down the stairs to that music ... both done to unsettle you. …How do we know about the car bit … well Mat spotted him driving it and it was healthy. Timing …Umm perhaps Maria had a two-way or one way, you know they can be disguised as brooches; she might not have know anything about it he listened in and knew the order of the music. Or she could have given the word but that might have been difficult with people around. As for why … well to give him that extra kick when he spoke to you and a reason to see you in the privacy of the airport and play the concerned friend."

Meg shivered remembering her first reaction to Maria in the Shock Wave and said gently. "The kids."

Robert smiled "They should be fine; funnily enough they have two very loving parents. Of course we don't know how much Ben actually told Maria in September. … We do know he's capable of saying one thing and doing another. As far as anybody knows she still has a blank memory regarding Seattle and Tess has never spoken of it for that reason. So she could still believe he is Ben. Sorry Meg we still have to call him Ben no double thinking not even now."

Meg gave a nod accepting his words and he gave a gentle laugh and carried on. "Okay …at the airport this morning. … Mat was watching." Seeing the flicker reassured her. "It's okay he was very careful … just after we walked out to our plane Ben started over to private flight desk no doubt to find out where we were going but was stopped by one of the car parking staff. After a couple of heated words from both parties Ben rushed off. Mat followed got there in time to see Ben's car up on a flatbed truck and one very frustrated owner looking at piece of paper.

Apparently in his hast to beat us to the airport he parked just off the parking zone, you know front part in and the rear out of it, got clamped and towed away. Bet that will mess up his morning after all it's a long walk or taxi ride to the car pound … and then there's the paper work and the steep fine. Perhaps that will make him think twice about coming on to you."

Meg laughed then looked at Robert and asked. "Mat wouldn't would he?"

Robert grinned. "They are pretty hot about parking … he does know the car. But no I don't think he would, … nice thought though. Drink your tea before it gets cold."

She nodded smiling sighed "Yes Mum " and drank her tea; Robert shook his head and drank his glad to know she was over the shock of the meeting and knew he'd have to do some rethinking.


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter 27**

Late morning with her tracks covered Meg's plane landed at the airport and in spite of needing to be in Boston to seal the deal made last night Robert insisted on flying with her claiming it would be cheaper than the long distance phone call he would have with Jack. Meg knew Robert wanted to make sure she was really all right; sometimes he could be just as protective as her father, which would have made her cross. But today she needed it; her episode with the twin had unsettled her.

After greetings Jack and Robert chatted while Meg watched the bags and boxes being unloaded from the plane into the van. Then with a hug, reassurances and promises to keep in touch and try out the programme on the disk soon Robert left her. She knew he would meet up with the original plane at another airport and then fly to Boston.

By mutual agreement once she knew John had been all right she listened to the music while Jack drove. Jack needed time to come to terms with what he'd been told and the new suggestions Robert had made. Meg for her part needed to come back to her life and her future here. Between thoughts she watched the sun light flicker through the trees wondering if it was just her imagination or had the leaves turned a deeper brown, red or yellow while she had gone.

By the time she walked into their apartment she knew she had found that elusive feeling she used to have at Sunset Beach and could not find this time. She realised she'd felt a whisper of it when she'd first walked in the town with Paul that first day and it had become stronger as she'd watched John drive away from the club with Jack. Now she knew she was really home where her heart was … no matter what happened.

She stopped just inside the doorway and smiled as she spotted her favourite flowers in several vases on the tables. She knew food was cooking and caught a glimpse of a change at the far end of the room what was it – white muslin curtains, and a screen to make the bedroom area more private. She didn't look down feeling Shep sniff round her legs in his usual but quiet greeting her eyes were on John siting between the kitchen and dinning area… she knew questions would wait he was looking concerned almost as if he could not believe his eyes… what that she was here ... had actually returned.

Her smile grew with the love she felt and she saw him slowly smile back, love reaching his eyes making them sparkle, as he realised she was really there and it was not his mind playing tricks.

No words were needed between them.

She put her load on the chairs and went to him leant over and kissed him, finding the warm rush of love was given as well as received. As they broke apart he ran his hand over hers then started to move his chair towards the lounge area and stopped because the door opened as Simon and Jack came in loaded down.

They silently put the boxes and bags on the table and the floor. Shep with his tail wagging started to sniff round them and got a quiet but firm "No" from Jack so backed off and sat by the kitchen area content to watch everything.

John grinned and exclaimed. "My! You did need the whole plane didn't you!"

"I left the big stuff behind for next time." she replied innocently and straight faced though her eyes were bright with joy.

John laughed as Jack snorted and said to him, "The pilot muttered something about leaving the kitchen sink behind ... Just as well really because you've already got one." Meg smiled with a little laugh knowing that the pilot had not minded at all as Jack carried on in a serious tone. "Simon, should we open up the bit above us as Meg's room is already full?"

Simon exclaimed. "Oh thanks, you can face Jackie with that idea; the stairs and door into it are on our side not John's." He paused with a thinking expression on his face but laughter in his eyes as he carried on "I have this very funny feeling it was yours and Mandy's junk that went up there when we converted the place!" then the smile brightened because the door from the other apartment had opened and Jackie came in with a tray of drinks he exclaimed. "That's good timing."

"All right sorry I spoke." Jack said with loud sigh.

"Something wrong Jack" Jackie teased recognising his sigh.

"No love, we are just going to fill Meg's room to the ceiling and beyond." Then giving Simon a look and tone that would have made any recruit jump into action carried on. "Simon's going to get the last few things aren't you!"

It did not faze Simon at all, just the opposite as he came back with a quick retort. "Gee thanks Dad! But aren't you the one who has experience with wild things … you know Friday night parties … handcuffing them as they jump about so they don't escape."

Jack came back immediately with straight tone and face but his eyes sparkled with a tease. "Nope! Not animals, that's your department… you know horses cantering off into the distance."

Simon looked at his wife with a long suffering look and sighed gently as he carried on firmly. "No Jackie you can't have one!" as he turned towards to door he huffed and muttering. "Even if it is white, cuddly and stuffed ... goodness only knows what Shep's going to make of it."

Jack gave a gentle laugh at his daughter's expression knowing how much she loved stuffed furry toys and gave a shake of his head at her questioning look. He decided to make room and picked up one of the boxes and some bags and walked through to Meg's room, guessing he'd be back for the action if there was any.

Shep sat to attention watching the door having heard his name.

Sort of half listening John and Meg had left them to it; they had other things on their minds.

John said quietly "Are you all right?"

She smiled and reassured him. "Yes and I will be able to cope better next time. Don't worry I told them it will be visits not the expected return to stay and they've accepted it. And you, I missed you."

He held her hand and said truthfully but with a glint in his eyes. "Missed you dreadfully but as you can see everyone survived my bark, I guess it was fun seeing your friends as well, how is everyone?"

As John finished Simon came in and Shep was at his heels immediately head in the air sniffing and looking a tentatively. Simon commanded. "No Shep! …. Leave it!"

Jackie leant against the kitchen unit with a huge smile and a gentle laugh and exclaimed with true affection. "He is so beautiful."

Simon looked at her and shook his head and mouthed 'no', they had others. He had managed to carry the last box of goodies while tucking one arm round the waist of a very large snowy white teddy bear, whose dark eyes seemed to be looking at them in a slightly resigned manner as if to say 'Don't worry I'm used to being dragged around from place to place.'

Looking at Simon John stayed and silent being flung into flashbacks of 'that bear' the words it carried and those eyes that made him want it for Meg - so she would not feel so alone when he was not with her. … How in Liberty Corp office he just gave it to her Benjy had thought it was for him and hijacked it and Meg had not objected hoping it would build bridges between them. … The bear was too big for the boy to walk and cuddle so it was lovingly dragged from one place to another by an ear, head or paw or paws and those eyes always seemed to say to him 'its okay it's my role in life.' But it was also his role in life to be cuddled up to and loved at any time and especially as the boy listened and fell asleep listening to his night time stories.

Seeing John's smile Meg guessed he was deep in memory and said gently with a smile. "I thought I should bring him home to his true owners. He's been cuddled as asked and guarded my bedroom. Thank you for the thought."

John gave a little nod staying silent her words grounding him to now and Meg carried on realising he needed to know how the bear was returned to her. "Your brother returned him to me this time last year via a messenger, all nicely boxed with a short thank you note from Benjy saying his parents had brought him a silver-grey one which he would love just as much as this one."

Shep stood back watching as Simon put the box down on the last free chair then carried the bear and put it on sofa so Meg could sit next to it. As soon as Simon stepped back Shep was up on the sofa and sat beside the bear sniffing and nudging it with his nose giving very quiet growls when it did not move.

"Shep down! … Leave him!" John commanded sharply.

Instead of obeying Shep gave the bear two more nudges and it toppled onto the floor lying looking up at the ceiling. Shep then jumped off the sofa and stood beside the bear and looked at his Master with a half reproachful expression and manner but his tail gave a slow wag.

John gave a slight smile and shake of his head realising it was the first time Shep had jumped on the sofa and as Shep looked down at the bear's face so they had eye contact John sternly commanded "Shep! Leave it! … Bed!"

Shep stepped back and looked at his Master and Meg said quietly. "Guess he can sit on the floor by the fireplace or stay in my room."

John nodded.

Listening and half watching Shep Meg went over and picked the bear up, she knew it had her scent on it so Shep would know she owned it. She picked up the bear and smoothed it down then sat it down in the alcove made by the bookcase, fireplace and the end of the sofa. She reckoned it was cool and safe there if Shep left it alone.

As soon as Meg moved Shep walked quietly over to his usual place in front of the fire and watched with his tail giving the odd wag. When Meg put the bear in place and started to move away he lay down letting his tail give a slow wag then looked at his master before closing his eyes and going to sleep.

Jackie had taken the opportunity to put two cups of tea on the table for them then went quietly back to the kitchen area for her own. Simon and Jack quietly drank theirs before carrying on with the task of putting the other things in Meg's room.

John gave a gentle laugh understanding Shep's body language, "I suppose he's got a point, he's not allowed up there … at least we don't have to feed this one. … We will watch what happens I would hate to see the stuffing all over the place." As he parked himself in the gap between the sofas he asked. "So how were things?"

Meg smiled and nodded then curled herself up on the sofa beside him and answered. "Everything went well … it was a bit spooky seeing him being taken as you … they are happy, Sammy is beautiful and Benjy is a credit to the family. Your brother gave me the impression that if I was around full time there might have been trouble but as I'm not there is no reason to worry. Everyone accepted my cover story, AJ and Bette are happy, she was her usually bubbly self accepted it all but asked for more spicy news at Christmas."

She got a silent smile and nod and carried on. "Mum is very happy especially as Dad seems more relaxed. He's much better towards me … he understands why I need the space. …Just to prove he listens he knew there was something more than a casual relationship, picked it up from my tone apparently. So I explained I'd met someone and you were once married but it is over has been for a while and we would be living as partners. He's not going to tell Mum or Sara till I say so. … Mum will understand and accept it when Dad explains he's given his blessing."

John gave a nod again staying silent, seeing the sparkle in her eyes as she carried on. "Casey's going to make a brilliant father he's really taking care of Sara and looking forward to the 'job' as he laughingly calls it. There's a possibility he'll be working for AJ but he has to sort that out more money and safer. Sara is well… Sara and her health is good … the twins are active so she's having to rest more ... has trouble getting up sometimes." She gave a gentle laugh as she remembered her sister's remarks about getting stuck.

Then his gentle words took her breath away. "Tell me what he did." John emphasized the 'he' slightly knowing Meg would understand. He knew she needed to talk about her trip rather than bottle it up in a few words and although he was content to call his brother Ben he knew she had difficult with it.

Meg looked at him, she had hoped her words would have been enough she didn't want to cause him anymore pain; she knew he was feeling guilty about her having to face 'him' alone and leave her family behind. Now she would have admit his fears were right and she could not go back to live if she needed to or stay for long visits as she had hoped. She uncurled and got her cup of tea needing those extra minutes to think things through.

He watched her and after the first couple of sips said gently. "Do you remember the day on the beach after Maria had come into our lives and we had been in trouble? … I had to go to work but was too restless so came back home early and met you on the shore line. We both knew we were in trouble with our feelings and after walking back to Ocean Drive we promised we would tell each other the truth. For the first time we both admitted our feelings about Maria, you wished I had never met her and I admitted I wished I had met you first. … We found it gave us strength and promised each other we would talk to each other. … If people had not played with our lives we would have moved on properly and been together. … We need that truth now Meg."

She gave a slight nod remembering the day and how good it felt to admit her feelings and the surprise about his for Maria. She had always though that Maria as his first and all consuming love. … Like then he rarely talked about those days, not willingly and when it he did it was the odd word and only if she brought up a memory or when they were planning this trip. … Never any detail….

As she showed no sign of leaving the now half empty cup of tea, he knew his fears were right and he gave a gentle sigh saying. "I know my twin Meg."

She looked at him suddenly coming out of her thoughts and he continued. "My guess is he made it known to you somehow that he was going to be out of Sunset for the day … that would enable you to enjoy your friends and family. But at The Deep, with the right music, memories, friends and family around you he made his entrance with Samantha in his arms. … When you looked at him, you thought you would see Derek as he was in the warehouse when he pretended to be me. I know then you sensed something was wrong but did not understand it. This time though you knew the difference you saw and felt your soulmate in his entirety."

She was amazed at his accuracy and nodding and put her cup on the table; his voice was soft and loving as he carried on. "Meg sweetheart there is only one now … and he's in Sunset Beach with his family."

That statement hit her like shower of ice water and understanding came as she listened to his gentle voice. "Whatever happened he would not have shown his true colours, too many people around. He gets his thrill from knowing he has separated you from me with you never fully realise the true meaning of our love. But you still have 'that' something there, which can be woken at his command.

You knew the truth and you had to stay silent as you saw everyone reacting to him and that must have hurt, I hope Robert was close by and able to help you through it."

She nodded as his eyes sought hers and as they looked at each other, she felt as though he could read her like a book and knew how wrong she had been. She saw no cheering, no 'I told you so or warned you', just love understanding and trying to give her comfort for her loss.

His gentle voice washed over her. "Some when though, he would have needed to let his other side see you … even touch you, just to prove he could and get away with it. After all if you touched him and felt nothing he would claim it was his strengthened love for Maria and family that stopped it.

It was most probably in the morning at the airport when it would be quiet just you and Robert; 'he' knows you hate fuss. Was he waiting for you? … He would need you to stop so he could walk up to you, possibly claiming he saw your distress the night before and needed to check everything was all right.

Was that when he became Derek, brought up memories about the Casita, Santa Barbara our happy times and tried to kiss you?" he sighed quietly watching her as he admitted. "Nothing was hidden from him Meg I'm sorry." Then stronger showing his love for her said, "But you in your gentle way reminded him about his family and asked him not to bother yours telling him it was not his way. Then he became Ben again and wished you well."

Unable to say the word 'yes' she nodded feeling a shiver run through her it was so accurate and told in the same gentle voice she loved – the one they both had. He knew his brother so well because she knew Jack and Robert had not said anything … they were going to leave it her … and she hadn't need to.

His gentle "Meg." brought her out of her thoughts. "He will always have 'that' need … I'm sorry I should never have put you in the position where you cannot visit your family in safety … and yet you have to otherwise ..."

"John" She said softly seeing in his face as she had heard in his voice not only sadness and understanding but also guilt, her hand sought and found his and holding it she carried on. "He may have a hang up about me but it was my choice to stay with you … please don't feel guilty about it. Robert was there and helped he is willing to stay around any time I go back we will work things out love."

But his dark eyes told her it was not working he did not trust the twist of fate that had brought them together again or that someone would be willing to help them to that extent. She put her love in her voice as she spoke her eyes never wavering from his. "You always called me your Soulmate do you really think I want to be away from you now I understand what it really means to both of us. I will always be here for you … for us. My family will understand."

"You lose so much."

"So much more if I left you."

She saw the slow smile start with his mouth and end deep in his eyes and knew she had him back. She matched his smile then kissed his hand letting it brush her face then carried on in her normal voice. "Mat was also at the airport and found out your brother got his car towed away so that's another one up for us. Might even persuade him it's a lost cause. … Now, are you going to tell me about the changes you have made and how you got on with Val … I assume they've left?"

She looked over towards the sleeping area and handed him his cup of tea, which he drank letting the feelings about his twin settle and as he remembered Val gave a gentle laugh and answered her question. "Yes she's great, put her with Jackie and the pair goes nuts in the nicest possible way, she checked over the garden and sorted out the Vicar as well. They had to leave early as one of the aunts is playing up. Paul said he would see you as usual. The other changes can wait till later lets go for a walk as it's nice, Stephen is around the stables so Jack and Simon can finish unpacking."

As soon as the word 'walk' was out of John's mouth Shep was up tail wagging eyeing the door proving to everyone he slept with his ears open.

Meg laughed "Okay what about food though."

"It will be ready in about half an hour. Do you mind if we join you?" Jackie said knowing they might want to eat in private.

"No that will be great I can catch up on your side of the story then." Meg said smiling sweetly at John.

"Hey that's not fair … Just for that the changes are definitely for later." John teasingly huffed as he manoeuvred himself towards the door Shep had already opened, and carried on. "Val wants to join the riding group to the waterfall … I think she's after a sleepover in the hotel as a bonus cannot blame her really. She'll bring more details about the roof for the garden I've got a sketch to show you later. ...

oxoxo

Meg sat at the computer feeling a bit guilty as well as wondering what to say to her sister. She had promised to mail as soon as she arrived home and she had planned to add the necessary hours as cover. But things had snowballed and it was now late evening, so Sara would not read it till the next morning, she hoped she would not be worried. She glanced over to John who was reading in bed and found it was hard to believe that she'd been away from him; it was as though Sunset Beach had been a dream.

After a short walk to the path and throwing a couple of sticks for Shep they went to the garden and chatted about their days apart and the plans for the roof. Over a light meal she found out just how Val's sense of fun had affected Jackie add to that Paul's sense of humour and she knew it was just what John needed. During the chatter John reminded the girls the film they were interested in would be changing after the weekend. Then Simon cheekily dropped in the idea of a short horse ride with guests while John had his session with Jackie that afternoon. She knew she should unpack bags and boxes as there would be swimming on Sunday to fit in as well … but hey it had been way too tempting especially as the ride was short and into mountains rather than the valley … so yes unpacking waited and would wait and it had been a beautiful ride. Their quiet evening together went south as they'd joined the rest of the family in the sunken garden for a barbecue.

Now she knew she had to write the mail and the little voice of reason told her to warn her sister about Ben but also to be careful as she knew how her sister could react to hints and warnings and that could unwittingly cause problems.

**Hi Sis**

**Just arrived back, great to see everyone looking so well.**

**Trip was good (see the plane did manage to get airborne and something with wheels managed to transport this end.) AND we found room for everything in the apartment. Okay so I unloaded things and had a snack before I sat down to write this, I suppose the fact most of my bits and pieces are in boxes helps … hope I have not just tempted fate there … Ugh I'll have to sort things out over the coming weeks. **

**I really ****don't ****want to make a big thing out of this but Ben was at the airport and was a little bit pushy … I told him to back off and not to bother you or the rest of the family with questions. ****Please ****don't tell Dad I know he likes Benjy and I think it was a one off but I'd rather Ben was kept out of the loop as far as I'm concerned. (No back chat from you to him either just let things settle.) **

**It seems quiet not having you around. (I mean family as well of course). Before you start tutting I hope to go riding if it stays nice and have booked for a film tomorrow night with friends - sort of wondering it they might like an unpacking evening (Guess that might be taking it a bit too far) possibly go for a swim in the pool on Sunday then of course work on Monday so don't worry about me. **

**Look forward to the big day will speak to you next Sunday mail if anything big happens in the meantime. **

**One hour photo shops are great so tell Casey the snaps came out. I'm going to frame the one of the sunset.**

**Love you **

**Meg**

She pressed the send button and picked up the photo, he had managed to capture everything she'd wanted him to and the sunset well was the best ever and put it in an envelope ready to take to the shop for a frame tomorrow then packed up the machine.

She went over to John and asked quietly as she sat on the edge of the bed. "The changes?" Every time she had asked there had been a quiet "Not yet" even Jackie would not give a hint.

He looked at her and laughed then started with the obvious and pointed them out as well, "As you can see Madam the small wardrobe is for a few things you need during the week. Save you having to run to the other room each day. Dressing table to help you look beautiful, not that you really need it, the draws … well you know what you can fill those with." She giggled at his tone of voice and the sparkling delight in his eyes. "The screen is so you can change in private rather than the bedroom, you can use either bathrooms assuming you can get to yours of course …hey that's not fair!" he complained as she'd very gently punched him, seeing he was not going to get an apologetic kiss he carried on. "The curtains give privacy from the rest of the apartment but I can still look across the room if I'm stuck here for any reason. We'll have to reorganise again once the equipment is out the way, so everything is moveable."

She smiled liking the idea and knowing it was put in for her benefit gave him a kiss which he returned and then said gently. "Okay be back in a while." Then knowing the state of her room she laughed adding. "If I'm not you'd better send Shep to find me."

He chuckled resisting the temptation to say anything about the bathroom again and as she left him pressed the buzzer to call Simon.

oxoxo

She transferred a few essentials knowing she could get more in the morning, using the screen she changed into her nightdress, half expecting comments from John who was now settled for the night. But he stayed quiet knowing she would need her privacy and time to get used to the idea of changing in here.

He watched as she walked over to the curtains and started to try and close them, he gave a gentle chuckle and she turned round her eyes sparkling at him; her expression was one that he loved.

"What's the story?" she asked recognising that chuckle.

John patted the bed so she left the curtains and got in beside him making herself comfy.

"They started off as full width and length curtains one each side tied at the waist, if you see what I mean and you untie then pull across if needed. … Umm we tried it and Simon and I had an accident so we changed it to the present curtains, which are secured in place by the ties and above wheelchair wheel height. The tops of the curtains can be pulled out a bit more if we wanted to close them a bit more."

She giggled and gave him a look, which he knew well, so sighing he carried on. "Okay the gory details just to please you. You realise of course I'm not too sure what happened, as I was the one underneath … squashed. … It was nearer the bed and the host was out of action, being repaired tomorrow, not that we would have used it anyway. But it was just the way the day was going … Simon and I were a sixes and sevens. Anyway Simon was trying to transfer me and somehow the wheels of the chair got caught in the material, which came unlooked and we ended up in a tangled heap.

Swear that dog can giggle … he barked and called Jackie who had a fit of giggles too but eventually decided to help us. …Guess she realised no boss no pay … Simon's going on a diet … Luckily Val had gone back otherwise we would not have lived to tell the tale … we chatted on the phone later she's okay with the alteration to her idea. … It was only temporary anyway. … Just more temporary than she thought."

John's sad eyed expression as he told the last bit just tipped Meg's sympathy into full laughter which was joined by his. When they finished they kissed and then she snuggled close to him and gently they came together washing away their fears, loneliness and renewed their love for each other.


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter 28 **

Meg soon got back into their work and home routines with the added bonus of going for short rides, girls evening out and on warm evenings chatting in the gardens with John. So time flew and thoughts of family were fleeting and usually at a time when the computer was elsewhere so nothing flowed between them.

Today though she was moving slightly slower and sighed very quietly to herself as she shifted in the chair to ease her stiffness as she got ready to read some mail from friends knowing she must catch up with news.

She opened her one from Sara and smiled, at least she understood.

**Hi Sis**

**You sounded good on the phone last week; as we said then no new is good news so don't worry about the gaps … no guilty feelings as you read this. **

**This week has really flown by and this weekend seems no different … perhaps the world is spinning quicker. **

**Things are fine just very busy at the shop and Shock Wave. Your idea about putting a sign about the Shock Wave in the shop was a good one and makes us wonder why the devil didn't we think of it before. Of course Dad's done the same for us.**

**Guess the article in the paper is still doing the trick … people from other towns are coming so lots more interesting gossip to find and a couple of new suppliers. Never knew they would head hunt us it's usually us begging them!! **

**Attached are pics of a few more things we're going to stock … hope you approve (too bad if you don't.) (Chuckles nicely, of course.)**

**Saw 'the' Doctor on Friday and we both had words with the twins. **

**Hey don't get worried I am still carrying them! inside not out.**

**Anyway between the four of us (Casey was on shift, unfortunately one of the Guards was ill otherwise he would have been with me.) Pics also attached as you can see they are waving not sure who's hand or foot it is … but there is the right number so that's okay. **

**Think 9th December will be a good day for you to come. **

**The Doc will do his magic on the 10th whatever happens, if they do come early I should be home by that day and you can bring me tea in bed and look at the loveable dears.**

**Been thinking about our chat re presents for babies how about waiting till the 10th then you can give us some thing different … unusual and small as you have handed the flat over to us. Still find it hard to accept you will not come back to live but visits longer the better will be good.**

**As for wayward boyfriend he has been no trouble. So I think it was just a 'one off' as you said but will keep him out of the loop and not bug him. Maria visits shop for presents etc and just asks if you are okay as a general family question so nothing will get back to him through her as it's a general reply back. Benjy has taken to collecting those small paper weights with flowers etc in so I'm looking out for different ones for when he's finished that lot. (So wicked to tap into one so young I know but you can't say we are robbing the poor now can you! and other people like them as well.)**

**Casey is looking over my shoulder (it means I have to be careful what I say) and asks that you be told that he is seriously interested in AJ's job. (Three Cheers!!)**

**I hope you enjoyed your long ride this weekend let me know how it went and if possible some photos with you email. Can you walk and sit down okay?**

**Love from everyone**

**Sara.**

"If you two men promise not to kill each other I'll mail Robert." Meg said as she got up from her laptop, she would reply to Sara later right now she wanted to tell Robert everything.

John gave a laugh and a nod not wanting to lose concentration on the chessboard or Jack who sat opposite him looking at board and thinking hard. She walked on through to the office in the other apartment to use her work computer found the coding disk and set everything up and typed.

**Hi Robert.**

**Thought I would try out your disk ... alright so far … I think. I know you and Jack have set up communications to as promised good news - just a thought does it mangles photos - see attachment.**

**I am sending copies to Sara, John and Jack have approved they say one waterfall is very much like another and I've left Val and Paul out as well as the more distinctive horses add them in and you can see we were quite a group.**

**Cannot believe how time has flown not too sure where to start, perhaps family news first so you can confirm dates.**

**Sara's has given me 10th December for birth of twins so if possible I would like to be there on the 9th as for coming home as soon as possible I suppose … so the 11th I could plead important meeting on the 12th and it takes a day to get home. I emailed her late evening before claiming I had just arrived… okay I said I unpacked and ate first.**

**She says our mutual friend has behaved himself in any case I will make sure I have Mum or Dad with me most of the time I have with them. Though I know I will have to face him again and most probably by myself sometime … I know I can cope now I've thought things through. Hope the above does not inconvenience you too much. **

**I will keep to those dates even if twins come early. As my sister puts it I can give her tea in bed if they are early. HUH! More like babysitting while she goes out. **

**On to my waterfall riding trip as promised … so many things Robert … it is amazing. **

**Okay.**

**Val and Paul came on Friday evening, and we looked over plans for the garden roof and we have a date for the men to come. Well sort of we both know things can change but hopefully third week in November and it should only take a couple of days. I think we will use the roof before it snows and shelter the garden as it will make it warmer for us to sit out in. It's funny getting back to real seasons again. Simon has suggested a wood fire to keep the chill off he's looking for one … dog and wheelchair proof and we can collect wood as Shep is walked etc. Jack is thinking of adding it to the Officer Reprimand List which includes traffic, car parking and snow clearing duties.**

**Sorry I digress. … **

**The group of horses was a mixture from our stable and the one in town as Paul came as well, John insisted. I thought he might have been able to come but the work on the bridle path has not got that far yet and anyway the path up to the waterfall is only one horse width if you see what I mean. (He had quality time with Jack and Mandy in other words no session except in the pool ... which went well.) **

**There were eight of us in the group, two from my other house, (that sounds grand but you know where I mean) Val, Paul, myself Jackie, Simon and Stephen. We had a bit of a scare as there was a rescue going on, on Friday but luckily it was over by late evening and everyone was okay so the horses were available. Of course there are always two rescue horses in the stables hence the other horses. It was interesting seeing them all including the dogs, the collection point was the Police Station and the drive of the hotel was the vehicle park so as you can imagine it was organised chaos. The hotel was on standby to give out hot food and dry clothes. The helicopter was not needed so they kept it on the helipad near the hospital; they've used the far side of the hotel green before now. It's far enough away from John if he's near the paddock, but he usually stays in when it might be called in just in case. The paddock would only be used if John needed them.**

**I really must try and keep to the point or you will never read this. **

**The two from work stayed in the cabin rooms at the hotel and as you can imagine they loved the luxury, Val and Paul stayed at the Lodge. We all met up after breakfast at the stables. John was around in the background, acting as a causal friend and Jackie's boss so met everyone watched us mount and go. Shep stayed with John though could not resist a short run with us. It was a beautiful sunny morning; autumn chill is in the air. We took packed lunches because the waterfall has three stages one at the very top which would take a day to get there, of course its quicker by road but not so much fun. We were going to a viewpoint for the second level and explore then have late lunch at the base and explore some more before coming back up the bridle path. **

**When we got to the base of the waterfall and looked at the path for the second part of the waterfall and view point we decided to walk it via a different path. Even Paul looked a bit pale when we saw the path the horses would take … going up might have been all right but going down … no way … Views were spectacular which ever way you looked … looking down the waterfall was just mind boggling. The sound of the water was something to get used to and that was without the rain or snow from the mountains. Must go there early Spring even early winter with a sprinkling of snow would be good. We found an over hang and stood looking out from behind the waterfall all perfectly safe but felt weird, definitely would not do it by myself. Yes we did get wet but we bought rainwear so that was okay. **

**We came down from the second level to the base where the waterfall turns into the river and explored the cave behind the waterfall. It is very eerie going into the darkness having the water thundering behind you. We had big lanterns … the size of the cave well we were walking upright and could not touch the roof, width ways I suppose about six foot getting bigger as you went further in. Apparently they used to have parties in them; needless to say we did not go too far. We ate lunch on the rocks beside the calmer parts of the river it was so nice there as you can see. **

**The early autumn chill had gone, the birds stayed around in spite of our noise and while we were eating we did see some of the braver animals for fleeting moments anyway. I can see summer picnics being put on the hotel rota at least. Mandy and Jack own the rights to the base of the waterfall and river, still find it hard to realise their family own over half the valley. As Jack said all the farms have been leased to the other families for so long they tend to forget they technically own them. The profit or loss goes straight to the farmers.**

**Sorry … **

**It was not till the evening when we were having an evening showing of the video Stephen had done for us that I realised how much John had shut down on life. (Daft I know but true) 'We' being John, myself, the family along with Val and Paul Stephen, and the other two had gone back home after a long hot soak and evening meal. Sometimes it all the family in for a film … now you can see why we have those large sofas and yes we had popcorn as well. **

**(Have to admit Jackie and I still feel stiff today … guess she's feeling it a bit more than I do as she's not ridden for while. She is a good rider.) **

**Okay back to the video showing the lunchtime picnic.**

**Daniel one of my housemates finished his lunch and started looking closely at the ground along the path of the river at the base of the waterfall. We all teased him about losing something and he turned back to us (so facing Simon with camera though I know he didn't see it) and with a wide grin on his face and announces that if we wanted he could arrange for the path to be cleared and put back in use so John could come and use it. Simon and Jackie of course jumped at the idea; Jackie and I had been muttering that it would be nice if the path could be widened but not why. Apparently the big firm doing the bridle way had looked and said they could not do anything to it. Daniel laughed when we said that, he explained that they had smaller equipment and were used to doing 'smaller' jobs but he would look at the other end of the path as we came to it just to make sure it was as good as this end. **

**Something to do with the bedding of the old path, as you can guess there were small trees, hedges and grass down the path, anyway he looked at and found it was sound and said we could have it done in November as there were two weeks empty at the moment. It might need some bedding in time or perhaps another rolling also he had to check with the big firm about getting the equipment down as it would have to use the path and not via the stables. He of course needed to talk to his bosses and price it out etc. So Jackie said yes providing he gave a price to Jack for the final say so, Paul quietly said he would back it if need be. Technically John is funding the bridle path under their agreement.**

**Of course Jack said yes without knowing the full price and Paul has booked the first ride with John, whether it be in November before the snow or next year after the snow. Of course by then we will have lost the autumn tints, as the November fall will have taken place but it will still look beautiful and I know he will love it.**

**Showing that bit of film brought John to tears and made me realise just how restricted his life has been. You said our relationship was a roller coast ride well so is his recovery … still on going … physically and mentally as he is still getting used to the idea he has a life. **

**Strange … I always assumed that when he realised he was not going to die he would just carry on accepting life goes on as everyone else does but he does not. Deep down he knows how vulnerable he is and does not trust the future even though he thinks of it, chats about it and can be as happy as you or I. **

**I think it was two the things coming together that did it, one it gives us another direction to go in away from the bustle of town, which causes him stress, so many things still affect him and always will so he has to be very careful. **

**The other was that Daniel came up with this bright idea and he hardly knows John having just met him that morning. When I talk about my life here it's usually Jackie and I or my new friends at work not John in particular. **

**It's made a difference to him can't really explain it but he seems happier in himself. **

**The ride back was great seeing everything from a different direction the hotel looks just as impressive from it's other front… if you know what I mean. As you can imagine we including Val were feeling stiff and enjoyed hot showers and group meal. **

**Val and Paul after popping in this morning are having a special time together before going home early Monday morning. They have made sure this time that there would be no quick returns for the Aunts and Uncles. I think the relations are finding out that she is no longer at their beck and call, but they've not been left alone either.**

**As for Jackie well Simon is giving her some of her own treatment in their apartment. Need I say more … she'll be back to work Monday morning, which means Jack and Mandy are on call. **

**Of course I leave the most interesting news till last and for that we go back to the middle of last night. **

**I know we have jokingly said John would kick me out of bed. **

**If I had been in it I would have been. **

**That is the good news … the bad was how it came about - in the middle of a nightmare, a very bad one.**

**I had already got out of bed as my voice seemed only to hinder not help him; Shep had jumped on the bed and nuzzled his nose under John's hand. Surprising what a wet cold nose can do, but not this time he got knocked off the bed. He stayed in the passageway out of harms way and watched. Simon tried to talk John back to us but it did not work either pillows, sheets arms and legs in went all direction as John silently lashed out at Simon's voice then scooted backwards to get away and fell off the bed. His legs collapsed under him, luckily the bed was on a low setting and the duvet was already on the floor just where he landed.**

**This of course woke him, but he could not move or even remember the nightmare that caused it. He was not hurt thank goodness but it gave us a scare, usually we have bars on one side of the bed and I act as a stop the other. Both sets were down as Simon put the other down to get to John. I think next time it happens we will have to put both sides up or put something soft on the floor and remember to keep well back or duck. If John had made contact Simon would have a lovely black eye today. **

**I mean it was good … really … we know he can use his legs … we've just got to convince him that he can and hope it's not just in nightmares. That's Mandy's job. Daily swimming sessions here we come!**

**When Val was here the first time she helped put up curtains to screen the bedroom area from the rest of the room it was in the way last night so we have decided to remove them and just use the beautiful silk changing screen instead.**

**As you can imagine it was no fun trying to pick John up off the floor but Simon and Jackie managed and luckily after Mandy checked him over he went back to a sound sleep and seems good today. He's accepted what we have told him and picked up on the good things from yesterday. **

**I'm hoping once we have the garden roof on we will use it before the snows come and perhaps as he always feels so much better there he will eventually walk round it. I know it is a long way off but Wow it is actually starting. **

**He sends regards and as you know thanks for your help … also suggests a visit in the New Year see I told you he was changing - Friday he would not have accepted the idea this morning he said yes. Perhaps the seed of trust has finally sprouted.**

**Mind you that does depend on who wins the chess game which is going on at the moment. He and Jack have won three each and this is the decider. Oh joy! **

**Whoever wins we are going to the sunken garden for barbecue tea, (perks of having hotel staff) the sun is out and it's quite warm. **

**Love to family and thanks**

**Meg.**

Meg pressed the keys and watched fascinated as all the letters in the email changed into code and then disappeared off the screen as the mail was sent. She spotted a new email and decided to have a quick look at it while she thought about her email to Sara, which she would send from her laptop downstairs.

She opened the email and realised she it would only take a couple of minutes so opened the relevant files and sorted it out then sent the information out as well as copies to Paul's office for her next visit. She was just going to close it down with she heard padded footsteps on the stairs and smiled then heard the dong of a new email so waited. Shep came into view and over to her wagging his tail carrying a yellow square of cloth. Meg gently took it from him and found a green one, which Shep took eagerly stroking his head she commanded. "Go on Shep back to John."

He went off, she knew there would be a treat for him back at his master's side. It was John's way of saying he was waiting for her, though they had a perfectly good intercom system he joked he liked the personal touch and it gave Shep something to do. She knew she had five minutes before the red square which was his way of say "Oh come on!"

She saw the heading opened the mail and saw the code so pressed the buttons and watched it transform into English then smiled as she read, guessing he'd been at the machine and the server had delivered it straight away.

**Hi Meg**

**Photos were not mangled will look later and Wow! on all accounts. **

**Not surprised he's still coming to terms with everything glad to know he is coping, as are you. You must have been very frightened by the nightmare; perhaps it was a good thing he could not remember. I suspect it was treatment he had in the basement, all he needs is reassurance that everything is okay, remember he can talk to Mandy about it so don't press him. Remember you are his now and future.**

**9th December will be written in … details nearer the time. **

**Delighted to come sometime in New Year whether I bring Sue will leave up to you. Book me a Waterfall trip it sounds good not too sure about riding though I'm very rusty. Perhaps I could thumb a lift from John and Jack.**

**Heh heh Nice and warm here in Seattle.**

**Everyone sends their love they are out at the moment so I'm enjoying peace and quiet. Girls are hinting!!!!! about a party around Christmas time. Umm need I say more?**

**Take care **

**Robert. **

She smiled at the thoughts of the party knowing he would not expect a reply close down and went to find John.

oxoxo

"So who won?"

John laughed "We called it a draw, Shep wagged his tail and tipped the board. Jack insists he would have won."

She laughed as she watched him manoeuvre the chair from the lounge area over to the kitchen area and opened the fridge door; it was second nature to him. "Aren't we having tea in the garden?" She asked.

"Yes but I thought you might like a cup of tea first and I could whip the last couple of cakes." He looked at her with an innocent smile while carrying on. "One for you of course as you will have to carry my cup of tea. Jackie and Simon have gone for a walk to ease her aches I thought Simon's massage was meant to do that perhaps he needs more practice." He gave a wicked smile and got the plate and started make his way to the dining area.

Meg smiled making her way over to the kitchen area sure enough the mugs of tea were on the tray waiting for her. "You know Jackie will put you on a diet soon."

"You'll not tell will you?"

She looked at him then said gently. "No I'll just restrict how many I make. I notice they seem to go very quickly."

"Shows what a good cook you are. You said something about Sara before you wrote to Robert." He asked changing the subject.

Meg smiled. "Yes and Robert's mail worked it's fascinating watching the letters change and he would love to see us some when in the New Year wonders about Sue coming." She put the tray on the dining table and took her tea over to the computer she wanted to email Sara before going out in the garden if it was nice they would stay as long as they could.

John had his mouth full so shrug his shoulders she knew that would mean wait and see, that was good enough. She carried on. "I want to email Sara first she's suggested 9th December the Doc will make sure the twins come on the 10th, Robert has said that is okay. I thought I would come back on the 11th say I have a meeting on the 12th."

John nodded brushing the last of the crumbs, had some of his tea when he put his mug down he smiled innocently as he listened to Meg continue. "I will not say that at the moment though I'm sending the photos. Hey! You've had yours that one is mine!"

He moved his fingers away from the cake on the table and pushed the plate towards her "Okay Okay." He sighed then with a smile. "Worth a try though."

Meg giggled got up and took the cake then opened a reply to her sister and between mouthfuls started to write her reply. Knowing if she had not claimed her cake Shep would have been blamed even though he was on his rug in the lounge area.

There came a gentle "You know computers don't like crumbs don't you. … Nor should you giggle while eating."

That was nearly her undoing but after she swallowed she sighed, "John stop it." and concentrated on her email.

**Hi Sara and everyone else**

**You are not alone time has flown here too.**

**As you can see I've attached photos of my ride this weekend and just to prove I have some friends they are there too. The ride took all day and am a little stiff now but not as bad as some who have not ridden recently. We hope to go again before winter really sets in, can't wait to visit again in Spring and Summer. As it is nice we are going into the garden for tea. (Doesn't that sound posh) (Of course the maid will serve us Hey we can all dream can't we. Yep self service of course.)**

**I've been in touch with Robert and 9****th**** seems fine though I'm not too sure how long I can stay tell you nearer the day. I'll think of something interesting for a present.**

**Been busy and work is picking up and yes I have finally sorted out the apartment and we do have enough room to move around and sit on chairs etc thank you very much. **

**Hope Casey will enjoy the change when it happens just don't work him too hard at the weekends.**

**The new stock looks good like the idea. Can understand why Benjy is fascinated by the paperweights I would love to see how they make them. Saw pictures of a flower seed head and sea urchins so will try and find them and track suppliers down. **

**Take care give love to everyone.**

**Meg**

She sent it drank her tea and closed the laptop then challenged him. "Okay then big boy!"

John laughed and shook his head and manoeuvred himself to the end of the table and opened the door, Shep bounded over from the lounge area and beat them outside. Meg snagged the blanket John had pointedly ignored knowing he hated it but would need it if they were to stay out of a while. They met Jackie and Simon coming back from their walk and made their way over to the sunken garden where Mandy and Jack were waiting with a barbecue.


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter 29 **

Meg silently stormed out of their apartment, along the passage and started to go up the stairs.

Jackie's calming voice followed her. "Meg he's in no danger! He's my patient I have to do as he tells me!"

Realising she would not be heard at the moment as Meg was too angry to listen, Jackie walked quickly back into John's apartment and standing beside the still figure sighed and called gently. "John"

She watched his eyes open slowly as he came to the surface and stopped him raising his hand to remove the oxygen mask to speak and said. "Meg's just come in and I was in the bathroom tiding up so could not warn her … …

oxoxo

Still seething Meg sat at the computer and found the disk and slammed it into the machine after it had booted up. She opened E-mail and started typing.

**I thought we were a couple but NO came home and found him in bed, out cold, mask on AND NO ONE AROUND. So where the HELL does that leave me!**

She hit the send button and watched it change and go, just seeing it vanish made her breathe that much slower but she was really cross needed to talk or shout at someone. She ran her fingers though her hair and paced the small room once as she waited.

She turned to go again and smiled, opened the untitled mail that had come quickly back, watched the magic – from code to English. – Knew he was there for her.

**Hi Meg**

**A bit angry by the looks of things I need a bit more detail I think. Sorry cannot speak people in and out a lot but please write. Remember if Jackie was not around it means it was not life threatening and he loves you more than you may realise.**

**Robert**

Meg took a deep breath as she read the words and let her mind go back to when she arrived home then wrote.

**We were allowed home early. Boss wanted to arrange party for his children thought I would see John so went straight in. Big mistake he was in bed with the oxygen mask on, eyes closed and no sign of waking when I approached his bed, Shep was lying on the floor by the bed so I could not get too close as he eyed me but nothing more. There were no machines around the bed you know bleeping monitors etc but something was coming out of the oxygen mask – steam? Jackie came out of the bathroom as though nothing was a miss. Came over and said quietly he was fine perhaps I might like a drink in the other apartment and speak to him as soon as he woke up.**

**HELL! HE WAS NOT FINE. IF HE WAS FINE HE WOULD HAVE BEEN AWAKE READING TALKING … NOT OUT COLD!**

**ROBERT I NEARLY LOST HIM IN THE HOSPITAL AND HE DID NOT HAVE AN OXYGEN MASK ON THAT TIME. THIS TIME HE DID AND HE WAS FINE! **

**WHO THE HELL DOES SHE OR HE THINK THEY ARE KIDDING!**

**Got so angry I could not say anything so walked out. SHE should have rung me at work I could have come home! At least sat there as he slipped under! But NO I have to find out when I get home!**

She hit the send key and waited the gap was short but it helped her mood calm down just slightly. Though she knew if Jackie showed her face she would go up the wall again, they were meant to be friends, she had no right to leave her out of the loop.

Reply came and it made her smile.

**Okay, promise not to scrunch the computer up into a ball and throw it in the bin or out the window and I will try and help you out. **

**Don't get cross when I say he is most probably in no danger, knowing the time of year I suspect he has a cold. **

**I know you don't know his full medical history but colds are bad for him used to be life threatening as he could not shift them from his chest and his immune system was and is still a little off. Luckily Mandy found a herbal steam that he could use as soon as he started coughing or gets that tickle feeling of a cold and it helps clear it not cure it. He does not like confined spaces so they use an oxygen mask to deliver steam rather than anything else and I expect John was sleeping as you cannot do much else. I suspect if its done earlier enough after this dose he will be nearly back to normal i.e. when you got home, you were early don't forget. Then it would have come up in discussion about the day.**

Meg nodded as she read, there was no oxygen unit or monitor and Jackie did care for John so it would have been spotted early and dealt with. But she felt out of it, left out of the loop. She smiled again at his wording as she carried on reading.

**Computer still unscrunched (I rather like that new word perhaps I ought to suggest it to someone) and you are reading it. GOOD**

**So back to Jackie not telling you. She is employed by John and has a type of Doctor patient relationship if he says no to something then no it is. She would not want to break that bond of trust especially not with John and his history. No doubt if it was life threatening she would have told you regardless or got Simon or Mandy to thereby not breaking trust. Or Jack would have got you home in record time remember they do have a mini hospital in your apartment and Mandy's brother or another doctor can be flown out at a moment's notice.**

**Ummm I think I had better duck as you read on. **

**To everyone outside the apartment you and John are just friends (or Jackie is your friend and John is her patient) so not someone you would drop everything and run home too. Where would that phone call leave you … worrying at work trying hard not to show your concern till the short drive home? Not nice so better you should find out when you get home as it is not life threatening. **

**Again you might not like it but you have to maintain your cover or people will ask questions and could lead to a trace back home to SB. May be slight but you finding John was a fluke so in a way it could happen again.**

**I think your anger is understandable you love him deeply; the sight of him brought back memories of the hospital as you say you almost lost him then … regardless of the kidnapping. This time you do not have your family near you so you feel more vulnerable; I expect you also still feel a bit of an outsider at times as Jackie and Simon are close to him and you feel powerless.**

**You are not powerless you could break John with just a few words if you wanted to. **

**He LOVES you so much but he also NEEDS Jackie and Simon. He employs them and if push came to shove he would get new staff. John is an independent person who has to rely on people to help him. He needs people he can trust and because of his past trust is not easily won. **

**If you are still with me think back to when you first knew John and tell me … did you go to him with every sniff and sneeze or ask him to account of his actions during the day?**

**No I bet you didn't and he did not ask that of you either. You both trusted each other and had independent lives … you came together in friendship and love … you have to carry on doing so. **

**As much as you may want to you can not 'mother hen' him or you will lose the person you love remember he lost his independence totally once, he must get and keep what he has no matter how hard it will be for you.**

**You can and must trust the relationship he has with Jackie and her family and most of all trust his love for you. **

**Talk to him Meg not in anger but in love and honesty and he will talk to you. Both of you need to stay together no matter what the hurdles are. **

**Love is never an easy thing because it involves two people who have two minds not one smothering the other.**

**You might suggest that it is time to tell your sister that you are living with a man named John and that he has been ill it will give you a line of support as well as a reason for your occasional visit. You don't have to get too much detail of the illness or his description.**

**Hope this has helped but if you need me I will fly in just say the word.**

**Robert**

Meg read it through again as her anger disappeared and understanding surfaced … he was right John was independent and needed to be so and Jackie was his nurse, help could be called if need be. But that did not give them the right to make her feel out of the loop. She needed to explain … it all.

**Hi Robert**

**The computer is unscrunched (Hey like that new word). Thanks for your thoughts perhaps it is better reading it than shouting on the phone or face to face downstairs. I suppose if colds could have killed him earlier this year then what he has now is not so dangerous and that is why they take it in their stride. I should be grateful for that improvement though knowledge would have been nice. **

**Yes you are right John was and is very independent given the chance and we should be together no matter what happens. Fear I suppose reared its ugly head especially after the good weekend, perhaps deep deep down I don't trust that good things can stay good either. I will ponder on that.**

**On a so called normal point still nothing new on the movement side … still hoping. **

**I think I should go as Jackie has not come; she does have a lot to lose thinking about it.**

**She and John are really good together I suppose it does hit a small jealousy button somewhere as it did with Maria. This relationship is very different I know that and one I can accept and in fact like it … like her. **

**Thank you for being there for me and your kind offer I think I will be all right now.**

**I will go and talk to them. **

**Will let you know how things go. **

**Meg**

A reply came back just as she was going to close it down.

**Meg**

**Glad to help. You two need time together so don't worry about letting me know how things are I will take it that silence is a good thing. **

**Though, you could let me have any bright ideas about girls Christmas 'do' … home party and disco have raised their ugly heads.**

**Take care. **

**Robert.**

Meg smiled and closed the computer down.

oxoxo

Meg walked into the apartment hearing the tone rather than the words between Jackie and John, Jackie's sounded surprisingly uncertain and John's was wheeze and angry.

He spotted her first and fired the first shot, his eyes bright dark and dangerous his voice soft and wheezy "Be angry at me not Jackie. … She's my nurse and does as I tell her you have to accept that … I need her and Simon no matter what you think!"

She had not expected such a sharp reaction, making her feel it was all her fault she bristled her anger showing in her face and voice though she did not shout her words. "You're right I'm angry at you for not telling me you were ill! Jackie should have rung and told me!"

He snapped back at her between wheezing. "She **would** have rung … if it **got** serious till then **my word stands**. … This is just a cold I have a mask and herbal fumes, as I cannot clear my chest. … I panic if I have a towel over my head. … **Do you worry your mother over a cold**!"

This was not her gentle understanding soulmate … this was the one since the accident the one she was still getting to know, the volcano. So she kept silent and shook her head as he carried on.

"What I tell her goes **no further** and what you tell her goes **no further either** … …she knows and understands that … If she had rung you what could you have done. … **Sit and worry!** … Do you think I want **that!**. … When you leave this room **you** are just a friend … not someone who is going to run back home every time I sneeze … **Meg!** You have to trust my decisions and me." He gave a long gentle gasping cough, which rattled in his chest.

Jackie pressed the green button on the panel by his bed but made not other movement to help him. She knew these dark angry moods, he would ask if he needed help and she would move in if he looked like blacking out but not before.

He got his breath back and carried on still watching Meg who was stood at the end of the bed silently watching back – neither was giving ground. "Usually you would be at work … by the time you walked through the door I would have been all right!"

Meg snapped back, Robert's words gone out of her mind. "**So!** I would not have known about it at all then!"

"**No!** I would have told you." He wheezed crossly at her, exasperated she did not understand and that he could not get up and be near her; touch her so she would understand added oil to the fire.

His answer made her even crosser and she spat out angrily. "That's **not** good enough I am your **partner **I **need** to know what **is** happening not what **has** happened. **You **said we needed to be **truthful** to each other. **Jackie needs to tell me! You need to tell me! Or your words mean nothing!**"

He snapped back scared she would walk out on him. "It was just a **tickle** this morning **no big deal!** In an hour or so I will be fine nothing for you to worry about!" He coughed again not so long this time but it still rattled in his chest, he quickly got his breath back and carried on trying to calm down. "They think you hardly know me there you can not suddenly to rush home because of a phone call!"

Meg was cross he did not seem to understand her feelings or fears and said calmer realising her angry retort hadn't got anywhere. "You're right **I** **can't **…** I wouldn't** but I **do** care and I **need** to know John. … I came in here and found you out to the world with a breathing mask on my mind flew back to the hospital where I nearly lost you! **Neither** Jackie nor Simon was in sight till she came out the bathroom then calmly told me everything was fine. **Hell! it was anything but fine!** I feel like a third wheel in this relationship."

He snapped back at her "**You are!**" He gasped for air so he could explain.

The silence his remark brought was shattering but did not last for long as he carried on once he got his breath back giving Meg no time to react to his words.

Amazingly the anger in his voice was gone and was replaced by a loving gentle wheeze interspersed with coughs, his eyes no longer angry and his expression was caring gentle. "You are the third wheel and the most important one …always was always will be. … … That is why I found you in your dream when I was dying … I had to say goodbye … seeing you sleeping on the sofa gave me the strength to hold on to that very fine thread of life. … When I knew I would not survive the year it gave me warmth … I knew I would somehow stay deep within you even though you did not understand or know it. … You are my thread Meg."

He gave a slight smile as he carried on never taking his eyes of hers seeing and accepting her anger. "I guess you could call me the frame as I need to be carried around a lot, Jackie and Simon the wheels, probably Jackie the back wheel as she pushes me. … You are the one that holds the chain so the pedals work … the one that makes everything work. If I had not believed that in some way I would find and love you in the future I would not have survived those months in the basement or everything that I have. … I need you Meg as much as I need the others … but you are the one I love for now and forever. … … But unlike that bicycle I need to make decisions so if I have a cold I deal with it and don't expect the world to come to a halt or sit by my bed."

The full force of his caring words had brought tears to her eyes, but her mind suddenly picked up the picture his words drew she looked at Jackie who started to smile it was as though they both had the same thought and Meg could not help herself as she asked. "What about Mandy and Jack."

He smiled and wheezed a gentle laugh "I guess Mandy would be the seat and Jack the handle bars but goodness knows who would ride it."

There was a rattle of a metal food bowl and gentle growl as if to say 'hey! I'm hungry have you lot finished?'

They looked at each other and the picture came of Shep on the bicycle making them all laugh, the tension was gone they were a family again. But John's laughter turned into a coughing fit, which he could not stop.

Jackie immediately became a nurse rather than friend. "Damn where's Simon. … Meg press the green one again for me. John I'm going to have to lie you down you need to be on your side."

Meg did as she was told but the button did not flash back to say Simon was coming Jackie moved pillows and backrest out the way she muttering under her breath. "Trust the front wheel to get a puncture." She started to move the blanket, which covered John; the coughs were rattling and gentle but showed no sign of stopping. "Meg! I need you to help me roll John on to his side so he can cough the mucus up. You need to roll his hips and legs as I roll his shoulders, remember he will be dead weight so you will have to do the work and stop him from going all the way. John try and keep your arms still. On the count of three."

"Okay."

"One, two, three." As they rolled him so he coughed violently, the door flew open and Simon came in. Meg exclaimed in surprise. "He moved!" Jackie was helping John, Simon walked across the room looking questioningly at Meg. "I mean his legs moved as he coughed, … like the other night … in a spasm." She insisted.

Simon moved beside Meg and put his hand gentle on John's leg as he coughed again to finish clearing his chest Simon felt the leg move and smiled. "Yeah Meg's right. Jackie do you want the mask back." Simon asked as he moved towards it.

"No he'll need it on later. … … John you need to sit up again and rest. Ready to move?" John nodded, the three of them moved expertly together. Meg had moved out the way and watched knowing everything was going to be okay and he was right they all needed each other. She picked the pillows from the floor brushed them and put them on the backrest just before John rested against it then put a hand on his shoulder. She needed to feel him seeing him like that shocked her but also the way they moved together reassured her and he had moved.

Jackie pulled the blanket back in place and stepped back looking at them both and said semi seriously. "I hope this does not mean you have to have coughing fits and nightmares to get you walking!"

John put his hand on Meg's as a silent way of saying thank you; she hadn't left him and sighed with feeling as he said softly. "You're not the only one."

They all looked at him, he looked back at them his eyes still sparkling from the effects of the coughing, though the tears had been wiped away and as they didn't move exclaimed. "Hey! didn't happen last time not going to happen this time. I'm not a performing seal … but food would be good." His voice was clear and breathing was easier the mask had worked for now. "Cup of tea first though." He added and gave a hopeful smile.

Jackie laughed knowing things would be all right and said, "Okay … But before that, where the **hell** were you Simon! We buzzed twice!"

"Sorry had to help Jack with the jack. … Oh the carjack as he had a puncture."

John shook his head and smiled as Jackie and Meg burst out laughing. Simon looked puzzled Jackie said trying to control herself. "Tell you later love. … You'd better get cleaned up. … I think it's best if we order from the hotel less fuss. So what do you want John?"

"Roast with all the trimmings but I don't mind which." John said as he tapped the edge of the bed hoping Meg would sit with him.

"Sounds good and something with strawberries in for afters please." She moved round and sat on the edge of the bed and asked gently. "Feel anything."

"Not really … perhaps when we go swimming tomorrow. We've got to sort us out." He leant back into the pillows, holding her hand.

Meg nodded and said gently. "I know and we will … I do trust you and Jackie … you're right I would have worried and I should have gone through Jackie's apartment as you would usually would have been a sleep. I just forgot and seeing you like that brought back a rush of memories of the hospital and I got scared I was losing you. … I talked it out with Robert by email that helped." She smiled remembering.

His voice gently cut into her thoughts. "Glad he could help. … Tell me about your day, something must have happened to make you early."

She nodded seeing he needed to rest it had taken a lot out of him and started to explain. "Two things Boss wanted to go home and deal with his children's party and I've finally finished the research into the logging company and now we've got to trace four separate family trees to see if they connect with an inheritance. They are in different States and don't know about each other so they think they are the only heir."

"Sounds interesting."

"Should be and a lot of work … mind you there is a company and a few million to be split up if they are found to be related." She smiled and said gently "I guess I know about your day."

"Umm nearly … managed a couple of hours at the computer club before I coughed and got sent to bed, looks like it will be for the rest of the day as well." He looked soulfully over at Jackie who had just come over with cups of tea; she smiled back at him and kept quiet till she had given them the cups of tea making sure the table was close enough for John to reach. Then she said. "No if you're good and don't rush about you can get up for tea, that will be at half seven. Not sure about swimming tomorrow though perhaps we should check with Mandy."

"Oh. Come on its not that bad! And how can **I** rush about." She looked at him with a look understood so he sighed and gave in, "Okay …okay." As she walked away he said quietly "See pushes from the back."

"Hey! Heard that." Jackie said as she got her drink and joined Simon on the sofa.

John just smiled, Meg gave a gentle giggle things were getting back to normal she started her cup of tea as John spoke. "So what do you want to do tonight music, read or there's always the countryside channel on tv."

She thought for a moment then said. "I need to check on emails from home and Paul and there was a programme at nine which sounded interesting, we should check the write up first. I can always record it and watch another day if you cannot watch it or you need to rest. Robert thought it might be a good idea to introduce you in my emails giving you a name and the fact you've been ill."

John said gently "So you can admit if you are feeling down or extremely happy. Okay see if it comes naturally in the next mail. Just don't admit I'm tall, dark and handsome." He teased feeling better now his mood and breathing were better.

She smiled and they chatted as they finished their cups of tea.

oxoxo

The chance came that evening as she checked her mail.

**Hi Meg**

**Just been thinking about your last phone and couple of emails I ****know**** you are living with someone as in girl friend with boy friend. **

**Guess that so called possible friendship has definitely matured. **

**I mean you never called Surf Central your home it was always Surf Central or Casey's, the apartment at Boston was always 'the apartment' and I'm going to do this to it or that to it with my flatmates. But ****now**** it's our apartment and we managed to…. **

**It was like that when you were with Ben. You always talked of Ocean Drive as your home (our home actually, if you see what I mean) never Ben's home or Ocean Drive, unless you were living at Surf Central because you had broken up with him. **

**So spill the beans young lady, I promise I will keep it quiet especially if he's married or something I know what Mum is like regarding that kind of thing. (Dad's just as bad come to think of it. Voice of experience - need I say more… Did not think so.) I will find out you know curiosity and the cat.**

**Sara**

She looked across at John who was having a breathing session before they retired for the night and said. "Sara's guessed I'm living with someone by the way I've talked about our apartment not my or the apartment. So I guess this our chance."

She saw Jackie nod John's answer so she thought out her reply.

**Hi Pussycat!**

**Just remember what curiosity did to it. **

**This goes NO further so no chatting in public just the house if that. Yes it will affect Mum and her feelings if she knows.**

**His name is John and we are JUST getting to know each other, it still feels VERY fragile that's why I don't want to discuss it. He is married but it was over a long time ago so it is not an issue, at the moment he is recovering for a serious illness. He's in business and we have an apartment together that is as far as I am going. As for my work it is going very well and keeping me busy.**

**Love you **

**Meg.**

oxoxo

To her amazement the answer came back as she finished reading one from a friend in Boston.

**Sister dear!**

**I'M NOT A CAT! **

**Kido if you are living in his apartment then the relationship is definitely not FRAGILE! Unless of course you have changed ideas on sleeping arrangements … come on you left because Dad was trying to get you into a 'serious' sleeping relationship with a bloke. So what has this lad got that the others haven't?**

**Ummmmm on second thoughts don't answer that I might have to sensor the email or cool the computer down.**

**As you say Mum has difficulty with certain relationships so I guess that means you would be partners instead of Man and Wife and she does not like casual living relationships unless wedding bells are likely in the near future. So I'll not tell her just yet perhaps we could say something when you see us. (Me as in been there done that and as little sis says be careful make sure you have a way out.) **

**Casey is standing behind me and says it makes sense now as you jumped when the name John was mentioned. **

**Thinking again – what about Dad. Did you have a talk with him and that was why he told Mum to back off. If so I think I understand though a bit hurt I was not included but then you did not include Casey either and I know you two are still close. So I guess we both understand. Casey says yes by the way so I suppose he approves. Yep nod of head.**

**You could give a clue as to what he looks like and what business he's in.**

**Sara**

Meg sighed she knew giving her sister an inch she would take a mile.

**Okay just Sis it is. **

**Though I don't know why I'm talking to you … talking about my sleeping arrangements like that as you say 'been there done that'. Opps that sounds so bad.**

**What I see in John or what he looks like is none of your business THAT IS MY POINT. So anything I say is between you and our family not any of our friends no matter how tempting it may be! I will tell them in my own good time if I think it is right. I need to be in control of this not like it was before.**

**Yes I explained to Dad who he is and what might happen, he understood. You can tell Dad that you know and take things from there regarding Mum I don't want you two to lie to Mum I can't have both of you in the shed now can I. Otherwise I will tell Mum when I see her.**

**Love you give love to Casey and Mum and Dad when you see them.**

**Meg**

**oxoxo **

**Okay sis I think I've got the message and will be good. Glad to know you have found someone. **

**Love you **

**Sara**


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter 30 **

In the morning Meg went off to work feeling better … content she knew where she stood and how strong their love really was in spite of any bumps that might come along. It also helped that John had had a quiet night and his cold looked as though it was going to clear up easily, which meant he was quietly huffing at the rules that Jackie was enforcing.

Having told Sara about John they decided she could drop into conversations over the next few days that she was seeing John with the hopes of it growing into a serious relationship sometime in the future. Which she did, and got smiles and hugs from office mates and she couldn't help smiling at her boss's reaction - his soft chuckle and big smile which lit up his big eyes and after a hug she knew it would start it's journey round the town. Her own reaction to everything surprised her she felt more secure and relaxed as though she truly was accepted now, not someone who was here today gone tomorrow … well she would be soon.

When she went to her other office Paul reacted suitably surprised and low keyed, then there was a smile and hug from her workmate and a smile from their new part-timer who'd just started as work was going so well. As for her housemates well they both gave her huge smiles with knowing looks and comments … well they'd met him, knew her and could not resist … then of course there were the gentle smiling hope and pleas for rides to come in the future. Yes well she could not refuse them really could she and of course they'd like the sleepover as well.

oxoxo

With time to herself and being back at home Meg decided to settle in front of her computer to check mail. John was resting; they'd had a tea time session in the pool as the guests had booked it for the evening. She was feeling happy he'd had tremors in his legs and knew that was a good sign that something was happening. Opening an email she chuckled quietly.

**Hi Sis**

**As the twins will not let me settle I thought I would plague you whatever time you get this. **

**Everyone is fine and send love of course.**

**Chaos at the shop has all been sorted now AND we are making a profit! (Rub hands with glee.)The advertising must still be working or word and mouth has caught on. It seems that Maria and Tess with or without Annie's help are also doing well. So is Bluebell know that because Casey came home with a lovely flower arrangement. Bless him. (Still wondering why - not my birthday, no anniversary, no arguments, nothing broken and I know he loves me.) **

**Umm … talking about partners … see crept up to it so you would not notice. lol**

**Okay I'll get on with it now … You know you said John had been poorly … well I was I wondered if he might like some light reading matter as he gets better… Smiles sweetly (hoping you have not deleted it) … I've attached an idea Dad had for the Shock Wave, he wanted Casey to have a look at it and he has. Hence the mail. **

**Hey … No … didn't mean it like that! Honest!**

**Actually Casey thinks it's a good way of getting more table space outside but not too sure about the financial side of it though.**

**Thought it might be nice to keep it in the family so as to speak. I also know your thoughts will be valued and you might know a few financial ideas. (So there!) … Did I get out of that hole? Yeah well I know you understand what I mean… Just read it!**

**Onto something else. Managed to get Dad in a quiet corner and talked to him about your partner. He thinks it's unfair to leave Mum out so he's going to tell her everything … and we promised to make sure everything will be okay. (Grab the shed key and run before Mum gets it … offer Dad room in the apartment … or just give them both a hug.)**

**Local news**

**Ricardo is going to get a commendation for bravery he got newspaper space as he arrested a bloke and saved Annie's life AGAIN! We are just pleased it was nothing worse than a cut on the arm; Ricardo sort of grows on you or mellows because of marriage and baby. The reason for the upset - Jude is out of town on another case so Annie was out causing trouble… she had no reason to be there now she has a partner and job. I just wish they would lock her up and throw away the key. You know that's the second time he's saved her life and I really hate to think about the third time if it happens. To be honest I didn't think Ricardo and Jude partnership would work but it does and I suppose it's a case of looking out for your partner's family if they are not around … Jude would do it for Gabi. **

**Been seeing a bit of Gabi and baby, she (Gabi that is) hopes to use the same crèche, as my two will so I guess our friendship will blossom. That depends on work and costs Ricardo has also put forward an idea that she could work part time doing computer work from home they are looking into the security side of things. She likes the idea providing she can do it when she wants to i.e. when the baby is asleep and chores done. Having said that I understand Ricardo helps out a lot when work allows and Antonio is doing a doting Uncle act again when work allows. She's also thought about joining an agency if all else fails. I was going to say shame about Carmen not offering help but to be honest I never could stand the woman and Maria keeps her distance in a nice sort of way according to Gabi sounds as though she doesn't want to be caught between the two.**

**Been flooded with tips and horror stories so don't you start! I like to keep this area baby free if you see what I mean though I will let you know any real news … so far all okay.**

**Bette and AJ are great together, it must be a bit strange writing about yourself in the gossip column as she does, it's all nice gossip if you see what I mean, guess she would not write anything bad about herself its business do's etc anyway. To no one's surprise Emily and Sean are getting engaged from what I've heard they are doing well at Uni as well. Olivia is fine she has got together with a couple of female friends and started a small business, something to do with organising social parties all very posh. **

**Saw Tim and Abby she is a lovely baby and gaining weight nicely and yes she has those Evans eyes, her hair looks as though it has a tint of light brown in the black, which should make it an interesting colour when the sun gets to it. Tim is making a good dad and doing well at his job, although Tess still creeps me out a bit they get on together well and seem happy. (Did I say something about being baby free area? … umm gossip about others is okay.)**

**Casey will be moving jobs beginning of November as a Life Guard Manager has asked for a family move to this area as quickly as possible. He comes from further up the coast with good recommendations and is here for a getting to know the job and people week. They get on well together willing to discuss ideas no big macho ego on either side. **

**Of course that means Casey will be up to speed in his new job by the time the twins are born. Heh heh And AJ has promised some time off either block or odd days, late morning coming in etc. I rather like the 'as you need it and altered hours thingy' rather than a block couple of weeks just after birth …(to get over shock no doubt) but we will see what happens. **

**Come to think of it sis … you should be doing this and telling me all your news … after all you can get all the news anyway from the Newspaper Web page – Ouch they've just kicked me again no doubt to remind me why I'm doing this. You can't get that from the paper I know!**

**Must get up and walk around (Hey been doing that between paragraphs taken me an hour to write this.) **

**Oh look Casey's come in with a drink … he sends his love and I will go!! **

**Love Sara **

**Just thought this and all future ones includes love to John even if it's not mentioned every time.**

Meg smiled at her sister's thoughts and opened the attachment and copied it onto a disk knowing John would look at it later.

"Interesting?" His gentle call of "Interesting?" across the room caught her attention.

She looked over to him as she answered. "Yes, Sara would like you to look at an idea Dad has for extra seating at the Shock Wave, would that be all right Jack?"

Jack had just come in from the paddock area with some papers for John, he smiled and said. "Yes providing John does not write it by hand or do something that would be special to his way of thinking and make them thinks, "Oh that's the way Ben would have done it. Hear your moving jobs soon."

Meg smiled nothing got past him she'd only mentioned it to John today. "Yes but I will be the first choice back if they need more help after I've finished working with Tony. Think of it I'll only be a couple of minutes up the road and Paul reckons the email system is still okay so I might only go down one day a week.

"I see more time for you two love birds." Jack sighed with twinkle in his eyes.

John laughed knowing that sigh and reminded him. "You can't talk you're counting the months till June or July aren't you."

Jack giving John a look admitted. "Umm I suppose I am."

"More time with Mandy of course" John gently teased then added "Simon's got some ideas for you as well."

Jack raised his eyebrows and exclaimed, "Guess I'll disappear quickly then!" and turned to start walking back the way he came in rather than take the short cut through the apartments.

Grinning John called across. "I'll let you have these back tomorrow lunch time Jack." then added in a pretend whisper to Meg before Jack got out the door. "Anybody would think he was scared of the Simon's ideas."

Jack turned and looked at him, they both knew he was happy with the idea of working with Simon when he retired and muttered with a smile "Just not tonight though." and left them.

John checked the time and looked across to Meg and said. "As tea will be a little while bring the laptop over and we can look at them."

With her help he shifted over so she could sit beside him and together they looked over the document and email.

oxoxo

After being feed and watered Meg was ready to reply to her sister's email, the document had been changed to include their suggestions along with John's better way to finance the deal. The suggestion she wanted to put in the email had to sound as though it came from her as John was meant to be a stranger to Sunset Beach. She also wanted to make sure her sister dissuaded her father from showing the documents to Derek in one of their over the counter chats. Although the idea did not shout 'Ben' at anyone she was still worried that the twin might get a sixth sense about the financial idea but that lead to the worry that a too strong a warning to her sister might set her or even her father thinking weird thoughts and she didn't want that.

**Hi Cheeky**

**Hope the twins have let you settle and you've had a good night sleep.**

**Sending back the attachment with ideas from both of us, like you said keep it in the family, nice and quiet. **

**That was a warm cuddly thought at the end of your mail … thank you from both of us. Of course love and thoughts are from both of us to all of you in my mail whether mentioned or not. **

**The firm Dad was thinking of using to do the work sounded familiar and I've just realised where I'd heard them before … and it's not in a good way. If I remember rightly they were used at Liberty Corp. before AJ joined. They kept promising to start but kept delaying, then added on for extras … also work and men were a bit shoddy not enough to go to court over though… I think it was cheaper to get it put right and them on the black list. So beware even if they do insist they have new workmen etc. Dad will not have the clout Liberty Corp has if things go wrong big time now or in the future. I wonder therefore if Bartlett and Son would be a better firm ask AJ what he thinks, I think he has connection within the firm. They may be a bit more expensive but they have a good reputation … that means he might have to wait for the work.**

**I'm assuming of course that you can read this and Mum has not sent you all to the shed. Dad is right … tell her I love her and I'm sure this relationship is not just a whim and will work out. Sorry I cannot be clearer than that … I love and respect you all just need your understanding, trust and time.**

**So you want news well nothing much really John is getting better but it will be a very slow job. He has a lovely dog that is his constant companion. He's managing to work a few hours in the mornings and rests in the afternoon after therapy sessions. In the evening we enjoy our time together reading or listening to music, if warm sitting out in the garden. **

**I'm going to work for new clients in November lasts three to four months so new things to learn. This present job has been very interesting and I've been put on their list for first call back when they get busy again. Can't have made too many mistakes then. Love this idea of moving jobs certainly never a dull moment, as for the work I was doing originally it is going well and forms a stable background. In case you are worried I am able to save money, which is in my own account and I do have a car.**

**In spite of all this I still have time to stop and look - trees are dropping their leaves and weather is getting colder as November knocks on the door … that is one thing I have to get used to the Seasons again. Trust me to choose winter to start off with roll on spring. **

**Remember those teas round the roaring fire when the weather stopped Dad from working … guess I'll be doing that again. Can't afford to get snowed in though at least we have 'horse' power round here and I go riding when I can, also have the odd girls night out. I'm very happy here although I do miss the family.**

**So love you and leave you Sis - glad Casey starts his new job hope he likes it.**

**Meg.**

oxoxo

When Meg got in from work the next day she found her sister's reply waiting for her.

**Hi Sis**

**We are all here safe and sound.**

**We planned a morning 'telling all' round here (not near the dreaded shed and Mum had work to think about afterwards). Yep, she was a bit cross but more afraid you were perhaps jumping into something you could not get out of, but then she read your mail (good ploy on my part) and she now needs time and space … like you. Perhaps a one to one when you come would be a good idea. **

**Dad was pleased with the suggestions especially about the firm and will see AJ sometime today - that helped Mum too, proved to her that John was willing to help. (Of course we don't know what arm-twisting you did – only kidding honest!!) **

**Your partner though with or without your help is a financial wizard perhaps he could help us with our savings. Giggles as she rattles the piggy bank, which only has two coins in it. **

**Hey, I suppose I call John partner rather than boyfriend even in these early days. Boyfriend makes me think of teenage love… Hell! that makes me sound old.**

**We will keep this gold mine of yours to ourselves as you hinted. **

**Don't miss us too much though we miss you likewise. **

**You sound happy and glad you find time to ride and look at the leaves falling. Yeah remember those evenings … Hey remember the canters round the fields just after harvest had been gathered in and in the wood to the pond, talk about memories. **

**I suppose as John is still poorly he is unable to ride with you perhaps that will come glad he's getting better. **

**Girls nights sound good … I'm planning one in a couple of days time. Don't laugh but Casey is having a 'boys with baby night in' with Ricardo, Antonio and Michael when we have our do. Isn't Gabi brave? Mind you I can't do much so I think we will go to a new Italian restaurant which has just opened near the middle of town.**

**Love to you both **

**Sara **


	31. Chapter 31

**Chapter 31**

Meg found some thick woolly jumpers and smart trousers to wrap up in as November came with cold winds and frosty mornings. She enjoyed getting to know her new job and boss though she knew his name from the Friday afternoon business meetings John had in the apartment, which she'd teasingly called 'tea parties'. Her 'girl evening' circle had grown to include her friends from her old job as well as Jackie.

When time allowed she snatched a lunch with John at the Computer Club, he was there as he started late due to the weather and as he was out less they had cosy times round the fire. Emails from home were just the normal everyday things and she started to feel as though hibernation was starting but then two weeks in and things started to pick up.

The roof for the garden came and was fitted, Simon found an outdoor fire stove and after a family wood hunting expedition they tried it out and found they could toast muffins on it. At a flick of a switch the roof slide quietly into place, the stove lit and the evergreen hedge doing its best the wind sneaked in through the archway so they could only stay out a little longer.

Also a few days earlier than promised the work to clear the pathway to the waterfall began and ideas for a seating area there was confirmed and set in motion, everyone agreed that rides from the hotel would be a hit any time of the year.

As the month drew to a close the excitement did not stop or so it seemed to Meg as today was going to be special. She'd come back early from Paul's office and could feel the excitement growing as she met Mandy out side John's apartment.

Mandy could see Meg's eyes sparkling in anticipation and she was worried on two accounts it would prove to be too much for John or and he would zone out in flashback and that would frighten both of them. There was of course the disappointment if he could not manage anything. As Meg met her she put her hand on her arm to stop her for a moment and said gently. "Don't expect too much, you know it's easy to talk about it but actually doing it is a totally different matter, if he manages it he could still zone out on us."

Meg nodded they'd been through it and said. "I know, to be honest I'm just happy we've got this far." She took a deep breath to calm herself, in the work outs in the pool and in the apartment he could swing his legs and he could shuffle between the bed and the chair or onto the sofa so Simon was doing less, though was around to make sure there were no mishaps. Today's session was crunch time to see if he could stand up and use his legs and she hoped to walk in causally and find him doing it and give him gentle support of just being there.

oxoxo

Meg walked in knowing Mandy was behind her and saw Jackie at one end of the bars, John with Simon behind him at the other. John's body was upright and ridged, though his head was down as he looked at his feet, his hands gripping each rail in a death's grip; his arms locked nothing looked as if it would move.

Jackie was trying to get John to relax his hold so he could move himself forward to the take the step, the first step, she reckoned just a fraction of a inch would break the ice, prove he could do it, then the rest would slowly follow. Everything had been fine, that morning he had chatted about it to Meg and herself then followed the usual pattern for the day no sign of fear or hesitation.

They had gone through the movements as he sat on the edge of the bed after the exercises on the bed and his legs had responded. He eased into the chair for the ride across to the bars quiet happily and Simon supported him in position between the bars. Simon had eased Ben's legs into position for the first couple of steps and his legs to his weight. Now though it looked as though everything had gone out the window and they were back not only to square one but they needed to get him to relax enough to let go of the bar so Simon could get him in the chair.

She knew he had not zoned out on them and reckoned he could still hear her words even if he had not heard the swish of the door opening. As usual the music played in the background and at the moment it was soft with the singer starting to tell her story. Any feeling the song might have had on any of them was suddenly lost as John swore several times.

Meg could not help but smile at Mandy's reaction and quiet words. "Oh boy, that's bad Meg." She nodded and walked over to the bars, when she was level with John she said gently. "Bad day love."

His reply was hardly intelligible which perhaps was just as well, he stopped as her presence finally registered but he didn't look at her.

She knew she had his attention and gently put her hand on his and ducked under the bars so she stood in front of him and touched the other hand.

He brought his head up slightly so he was looking in her eyes and gave a short strangled laugh and a gentle. "Yeah, there's a splinter in the way."

She looked at him and smiled then looked down at his feet and gently blew and said seriously. "It's gone now." then she looked back into his face and added gently. "So close your eyes or watch me and listen to Jackie. I'll move my hands and you bring yours forward to find my touch, Simon's behind you and will not let you fall. Trust us and our love John."

He looked at her and gave a gentle sigh and nodded.

oxoxo

Mandy watched fascinated seeing Meg's influence react on him - with the sound of her voice and touch of her hand it was as though her confidence was flowing through him. She knew he was not going to walk properly straight away there was bound to be a mind block to get over as well as the physical thing of getting the rhythm and muscles going, which everyone takes for granted till they have to start again. She saw Jackie's expression and realised this must be the reaction she had witnessed in the café when the couple first met up again. If so this was something really special as it carried on growing along with the song on the CD and as the singer came to the climax of her song Mandy hoped the fairytale was not going to come crashing down when he stumbled or worse stayed frozen.

oxoxo

Meg listened to Jackie as she talked them through the movements, watching him closely as she felt his hand slowly release its tight grip on the bar. Her light touch did not hinder his small movement forward, and then she did the same on the other side to balance himself, but his feet would not move. She could see his frustration as he looked down at the floor as if hoping that would make them move and then he vented his frustration in a hiss. "Damn it, too bloody tall!"

They all understood his frustration after all he had walked since childhood and it seemed such a natural thing to do now he knew his legs worked. Meg reassured him gently. "Simon's behind you, bars at your sides you're not going to fall." But she couldn't stop the giggle in her voice as she carried on. "Simon could cut your legs off if you wish."

To the others surprise there was no swearing back at her remark just a cheeky giggle as he relaxed and a gentle comment. "No, too messy and Jackie would have to clear it up, anyway he hates the sight of blood!"

Meg knew she had got him going, her laugh seemed to do it to him these days, although she had not felt it had changed that much, perhaps it always had got to him only difference was he was willing to show it now.

Jackie called out trying not to laugh at the vivid picture in her mind. "John stop looking down, look back at Meg and lean slightly on your right, that will help you release the weight on your left leg then let Simon kick it forward if you can not do it yourself."

They all knew it was basic knowledge, which they had gone through but it helped ground them back to the job in hand. John looked back at Meg and she felt their trust and love join as she repeated Jackie's words and watched as he moved and Simon came in behind him with a gently push to move his leg.

It was an ungainly and small movement, which was repeated with the other leg. Meg felt his hands move on the bar so slid hers back and moved a bit. He moved his so they touched hers again that left his legs to be moved. Simon was ready just behind him and Jackie talking in the background again. It was ungainly slow and hard work which carried till Meg realised she was at the end of the bars and said quietly to him. "I'm at the end, Jackie and Simon will be at your side use their shoulders take couple of steps so Mandy can put the chair behind you."

She watched him nod; and keeping in front of him she moved back Jackie and Simon quickly moved to each side. John had in fact taken the last two steps without Simon's help and his movement were better even if still awkward. John released his hands from the bars and moved them forward and slowly took the shuffling step, he moved one hand to Simon's shoulder the other to Jackie's still watching Meg and with several shuffling steps moved away from the bar.

He gave a gasp of pain Simon and Jackie moved quickly to take his weight as his body started to crumple. Mandy was there with the chair and they eased him into it. He breathed the words "Cramp legs and back" and he was whisked off to the bed and then eased face down onto it. Jackie and Simon worked together to ease his legs and back, Meg was feeling elated yet worried found herself kneeling on the sofa watching, along with Shep who was watching from passageway.

After a while the activity around the bed stopped and Jackie pulled a blanket over the now sleeping figure and said quietly with a smile. "Tea I think." Simon moved away clicked his fingers at Shep, who got up wagging his tail and took him for a walk.

Mandy sat beside Meg and said reassuringly "That was really very good." As Meg slipped round into a sitting position she added "His fear might not actually be about walking more about Ben and John coming together."

Meg sighed. "So his pain might not be real and he won't walk."

Mandy gave a slight smile. "Some of it might not be physical but it will be real to him either way and it could hinder his walking, we will just have to wait and see. Don't get me wrong he wants to walk and has over come mountains to get this far but I'm not too sure he's ready to merge the two persons into one. Hopefully he will do better tomorrow; you certainly helped him over come the first stumbling block." They both smiled at her words as she warned her gently. "He'll most probably have nightmares again so get ready to move out the way and don't be afraid to call Simon or Jackie."

Meg nodded understanding the seriousness of it and commented. "We could hear his frustration but he was really frightened I could see it in his eyes."

Mandy nodded glad she was willing to talk and said. "His past and present have to be moulded together gradually and gently rather than the sudden clash he must be feeling at the moment. I know you've managed to start a bit with his past in Sunset Beach the odd memory and of course the emails from Sara have helped especially now he is acknowledged there. Though of course it is a double edged sword as you've to cope with the fact they will want to or possibly expect to talk to him and you've got to nicely make they understand its out of the question."

As Meg nodded she paused then carried on. "John's made a wall around his childhood when ever I've tried to talk about it he's say he was loved and loved them but nothing else. We need to gently break this wall down and I think you talking about childhood memories will be good. Don't expect much from him it will be a case of accepting it is all right to talk about it. I expect he will come to me at first then to you in bits and pieces. For now he needs praise and rest."

Meg though back over their recent conversations and said. "It's still only the odd word or two about Sunset and it's more my side than his."

"That's fine he is willing to do it as well as listen to yours and that's a good thing. You talking about emails from Sara have helped a great deal."

Meg attention was drawn back to John as Jackie came over with the drinks and Simon came back from the walk, Shep immediately lay on the floor beside the bed so he could watch his master sleep Mandy gave a gentle laugh and commented softly. "He will be fine Shep."

At which Shep put his head on his paws and closed his eyes.

They talked quietly together about tomorrow's work out, and then the others got food from the other apartment. Shep stirred as John woke up and Meg went to him, hoping he would move on his own.

John slowly focused on her and smiled. "Thank you. Was that good or bad?" He tried to move so he could sit up but failed, his voice showed his disappointment as he admitted. "I'm stiff and stuck."

She helped him and replied gently. "Do not expect miracles what you managed was good."

"Simon did a lot of pushing though, … I know slowly does it." he huffed "I did it as a child nothing should stop me now, I mean once learnt never forgotten surely." There was frustration in his voice.

Simon came over with the chair so Meg moved out the way and gradually John manoeuvred into it.

She noticed even now Simon was doing less and smiled saying gently. "Yes but as a child you had less fears. Now! tea and as Auntie Jackie says an early night … and who are we to disagree." She added with a warm voice.

His tone was lighter as he replied. "Now that bit I agree with providing you are there with me of course..."

"Ssh we have guests remember!" Meg jumped in quickly knowing he could tease her very easily.

John grinned and exclaimed. "Oh come on they are not guests!" Simon and Jackie laughed; he looked at Meg and said gently and warmly. "Point taken." then added in his normal voice. "Tea sounded good then we will beat them at cards."


	32. Chapter 32

**Chapter 32 **

Watching John start his exercise routine Meg's let her mind wander back over the last few days. He'd shown his stubborn side by adding an extra bar session either in the morning or like now in the evening. She with the others, without being too obvious, had dropped into everyday conversations things about their childhoods, he'd not responded with his own only proved he liked to hear them and was a good listener. He chattered and joked as normal here, at the club and with Paul and Val on the phone but there was a quietness about him which she could not put her finger on.

She knew they had all noticed it and watched him unobtrusively and they'd reassured her it was likely he was using all his energy in trying to walk and would return to himself once it was done. Now though she silently wondered which old self that was going to be, the Ben old self, the John old self or was there a new one creeping out and they didn't know it yet and would have to get to know it. He had always been a complex person that was his charm, Mr Mystery with hidden depths.

She also wondered if his mood was catching because for the last couple of attempts to email Sara and Robert on how things were she typed the news then deleted it as a feeling of foreboding crept over her each time. Sort of jinx it, make it disappear if she typed it, now December was less than a day away and with her trip rushing towards her she really should say something. Perhaps that was what 'it' was all about and there were no darker shadows haunting him. She knew deep down he wanted to walk, they had planned the first walks in their garden, and the sunken garden, even a picnic at the waterfall. Though Jackie quite rightly insisted they would keep to the warmth of the apartment first of all.

Anyway those plans seemed a long way ahead because each time he came to the end of the bars he would zone out on them. The first time they knew he was in that kind of trouble was the loss of strength in his legs and arms and then it had been a race between them catching him or the floor doing it. And as Simon pointed out it afterwards was always far easier to catch him than scrape him up off the floor. So then they'd gathered at the end of the bars and that of course made things tense. Yep words flew thick and fast and if they were lucky he would make an ungainly turn and go back towards the chair at the other end. If not then he'd zone out on them between the bars. Of course it frustrated him that he could not storm off to his chair and sit down or zoom away and sulk. He could only move very very slowly and then had to accept their help to get into the chair. Today she hoped would be different and he would understand why she was doing this and most of all it would work.

She got up from the sofa sorted out the CD tracks she wanted and set the programme then walked quietly to stand opposite Jackie and waited. Simon was starting his slow progress behind John in case he needed support and would duck out when necessary. The first song was a recent one they both liked and as it started she saw John was fairly relaxed, his hands gripped and released each bar in turn as he silently concentrated on each small slow still ungainly step. They were looking a more natural than before and though he still looked downwards but not straight down as before, it was just a touch ahead so he could still check that his feet were actually doing what he told them to.

Meg knew it was still a very conscious effort and she could hear Jackie's gentle encouragement for him to look up as he walked trying to get him more confident so the movements would flow more easily. She mentally ran through the song and timing pf his progress as she watched him and realised it would work.

The music changed just as John got to the end of the bars and so did his attitude, he froze. With their favourite song helping him relax he was just bringing his head up as Jackie's gentle nagging had got to him. He flickered the thought he'd come to the end of the bars and the music changed and he froze.

Meg moved quickly in front of him the instant she saw him freeze and hoped she was doing the right thing, and saw the merest flicker of recognition of her and the song and smiled back at him. She knew he had every right to be shocked. This was 'their song' from the past, the one they loved to dance to at The Deep and that beautiful time in Santa Barbara. For her whenever they danced to it, it brought an incredible feeling of love and safety and her instincts told her it did the same for him and these days she was willing to trust those instincts.

She saw his eyes were dark but focused on hers and she thought she could see swirls of memory in there somewhere. Silently she prayed it was the good ones and he would not zone out and in the back of her mind she knew Simon and Jackie would be their shadows just in case and said gently. "Whenever we danced to this we felt safe, loved and nothing would defeat us, in some ways nothing has. We are together, safe with friends we can trust."

John stayed silent and nodded; she knew she had him and he was not going to zone out on her, as she feared and carried on. "No one here is going to let you hurt yourself … you are safe in our love. Trust us, our love and the music."

He gave another nod and she saw the flicker as he let himself go back into memories of the song and their love.

She gently took his hand and guided it onto her shoulder, she felt it grip and his balance change, then she guided the other one onto her other shoulder and felt his balance change again. Then she moved her hands to support his elbows and then gently, carefully eased herself one smooth step back. She felt their love and trust flow between them as he shuffled that foot forward, she moved the other gently back not much just a little … he shuffled that foot unevenly forward, she waited for his balance to settle.

She looked up into his eyes, they were dark but still with her and no doubt with their memories, hearing Jackie's gentle voice guide her she let the music join them and moved again. His steps were ungainly, awkward and she steadied him when he stumbled, she smiled at his gentle 'thank you' then waited for him to get his balance and then they shuffled again. … … She felt him stiffened as the song came to an end but relax as it repeated again and they repeated their movements again and again ... …

During the second time around of the song she felt his confidence grow … the music was slow and gentle … his gait was still uneven small shuffles and not quiet in time but they were getting a little smoother. His grip on her shoulders relaxed into a resting touch and she released her grip on his elbows and just let them rest against them. Best of all she felt him start to guide her as he looked over her head not just into her eyes.

At the beginning of the third time through, though no words were spoken they knew the next stage needed to be faced. She slowly turned to one side and felt his hand drop from her shoulder, she was slightly in front of him so he could see her but not trip over her. His other hand that resting on her shoulder shifted slightly when he stumbled, she guessed the other one grabbed for something in the air. She knew the others were close enough to stop his fall if necessary. It was not, he corrected himself and, it was only a little stumble. Their goal was the second sofa, which was not very far away as they had been aiming for it.

Without her totally in front of him he shuffled forward a couple of steps, Meg moved into the gap between the sofas and caught a glimpse of Shep sitting in his usual place in front of the fire, watching them with a puzzled expression on his face. It nearly broke her concentration as she realised Shep had never see John walking. He usually went for a walk so was out the way tonight he'd been band to his rug. She felt the light touch on her shoulder go as John was shuffling into the gangway made by the two sofas. She turned immediately to watch and get out the way or help … he was on his own.

John felt the flash of pain mix with the knowledge he was doing it on his own and made that extra push to do it. He ungainly shuffled across the front of the sofa till he guessed he would not tip off the edge then shuffled round and got ready to sit down. With the music ending he did it with a gasp and thump and a tip of his body as it was not the controlled ending he really wanted, would have liked. … But he'd made it… done it.

Meg felt a rush of elation for him, saw his flicker of a smile as well as hiss of pain and he leaned his head against the back of the sofa and closed his eyes. She heard Shep's tail swishing madly and put her hand in the stay position to make sure he didn't get up and rush to John.

Grinning Simon slipped a blanket over John's legs and put a hand on his arm to help him sit better and got a gentle 'no thank you' so moved away to an equally grinning Jackie. A moment later John opened his eyes and straightened into a better position and breathed easier as his muscles relaxed and the pain eased and looked at her fully realising what he... they had achieved. His voice was incredibly soft as he said. "Thank you."

Meg stayed watching him with a smile and gave a gentle laugh in answer the look he gave her, his eyes were bright and happy his voice was incredibly soft as he said. "I did it. Thank you."

Though she felt like shouting her happiness she gave a gentle laugh in answer to his words and the look he gave her, then she sat down beside him. He took her hand and kissed it they smiled at each other then she snuggled up to him for a proper kiss.

They broke the kiss and the beat of Shep's tail thumping the floor as he sat and watched them broke the comfortable silence. Meg smiled and said "I think Shep was a bit confused just now."

John looked at Shep and commanded, "Come on boy!"

Shep jumped up tail wagging even more and ran over to them stopping abruptly at his master's feet to sniff then as though checking it was his master. Satisfied he sat and rested his head on John's knees and looked at him.

Looking at him John smoothed Shep's head and said gently. "Hey, got a bit of a shock then … well no jumping up okay."

Shep gave a little growl as if in answer which made Meg laugh.

Then they all jumped as Simon popped the cork of a bottle behind them; Jackie brought filled glasses round as she handed John his she said gently but firmly. "You did well but we keep to crutches around the apartment use the chair still and especially outside till we are sure everything is okay. …AND no rushing!"

"Yes Mum and thanks." John said with a grin and then took a sip from his glass.

Simon looked at them and could not help it and said with a grin. "One small step…. but never got any further because of the laughing and threats from the others, which then turned into plans for the rest of the evening and the next day.

oxoxox

Would love to know what you think of it so far … please review. … thank you


	33. Chapter 33

CHAPTER 33

Meg smiled quietly to herself as she remembered the phone call earlier that afternoon and hoped her surprise would not shock John too much. It was something they wanted but had not expected just yet and knew it would bring more pressure and complications. She found her work enjoyable as well as a welcome break from his varying moods and could understand his frustration. He'd tried to take a couple of steps in the covered garden and the club but totally failed each time. Also at home he felt more restricted than before as he had to fight the temptation to get up and get something rather than wait for someone else to get it and give to him. Not only that, Jackie had to keep reminding him not to rush and rest in the afternoons as well as having early nights.

His quiet moods were there, even her boss Tony mentioned it after a business meeting with him. He was one of the few who knew she was actually sleeping with John and not just going out with him. As news seeped out that she was seeing John she had expected a lot of questions about herself etc but none had materialized. Back at Sunset Beach her friends would have been all over her for gossip but here they were happy just knowing everything was all right, which was nice. She smiled with a shake of her head and tried again to get her mind back on the report she was meant to finish before she went home.

A bit later she was finally reading that elusive report when a knock on the open door and "Meg, Jackie wants you to go home." made her look up to a grinning Tony who added softly. "He's waiting."

Taking in her boss's expression and realising there wasn't an emergency at home Meg smiled with a gentle "Oh!"

Immediately turning serious Tony continued. "I should warn you, Jackie's voice had an edge to it." He paused then carried on with a slight tease in his voice. "Your news might cheer him up, after the shock of it, of course."

Meg looked at him puzzled and after a huge grin he explained. "My wife blossomed once she knew; it was just like switching on a light. But I won't say any more to you or anyone else till you make it public, but you know I'm here for you. Was that the reason for his recent quietness?"

Meg giggled as she realised what he meant, then gave a gentle sigh adding. "No. He does not know yet, no reason too. … I think he's having trouble adjusting to being able to do a bit more and yet has to hold back; and being watched all the time doesn't help matters. I've nearly finished this report then I'll go and rescue Jackie and just hope my own surprise does not cause too much trouble all round."

Tony pushed the door closed and made himself comfortable leaning against the filing cabinet and said quietly. "Don't worry about the report, do it in the morning when you can concentrate better. I'm sure John will love the idea of being a dad and I'm very pleased for you both. You know you've done him a power of good since you came."

Meg stayed silent, she could see he was weighing up his words carefully and there was obviously more to come.

Tony nodded to himself sure it was the right thing to do and said. "Like everyone else around here we've only known John since January this year, but I believe you've known him much longer. I can see it in yours and his eyes when you both talk about each other. It's not so obvious to others but I see it in my wife's eyes and know it's there because of a deep understanding love that has grown up through time rather than a flash in the pan wonder."

He saw her flash of worry and added quickly. "It's okay, I know John has a past which Jack is protecting and I guess it would hurt you both if it got to be general knowledge … it won't. There are a few and I'm one of them who know it was John's money that saved Mandy and Jack's home and invested very wisely in this part of town and valley stopped the domino effect downwards and is giving us our identity back, after all we are the original part of town.

Everyone else admires him because he's gone from death's door to now thinking about walking; and you've come along giving them a fairy tale ending that was meant to be as he lived. So, they will let you tell them what you want to because no one wants to break the spell and find out it was all a dream."

He paused as a thought struck him and then carried on. "Come to think of it there is one who might start asking and that's our newspaper lad Bill. He's been a bit quiet lately and that usually means he's digging around for a story, so just let me or Jack know if he starts pushing questions and we will gently remind him about court injunctions."

Meg nodded and let him carry on. "I don't suppose you know but I first met John when I collected my wife one evening from the hospital; she was one of the intensive care nurses there. She was delayed so I sat beside John and read, she always said her patients could hear voices and he was alone. Anyway Jack poked his head round the door and we started to chat … I was intrigued by the man who had money and a totally trashed motorbike. From then on I read to him while I waited for her, I think she was late deliberately and we used to count off the days he was still with us.

Then she helped with his care when he was bought to the apartment and I still called and read to him and when he woke up we had some very one sided conversations about business. From flashes of yes or no on the board they'd ridge up for him I realised he had a very clever business mind so stuck with him. Now he's getting his life back, it must seem strange for both of you whatever your history is. If you need any time off tomorrow ring in and let me know that report can wait another day, I can always blame a computer virus for the delay."

She smiled at him and said with genuine respect. "Thank you … and for your silence."

She pressed the keys to save her work as Tony carried on with a gentle huff. "In a small way I can understand his frustration I got stranded on the roadside at the weekend and had to wait an hour for the breakdown truck and the people I needed to contact would not answer the phone. I think I'm going to take a leaf out his book now the bridle way is usable and ride in on horseback." he gave a smile at her look and added. "On nice days anyway. That's another thing he's brought back to us, not many people would think of it as an attraction but it will be."

Meg chuckled. "Yes I think it will, after all it's a lovely town and everyone has been so nice."

Tony gave a nod saying. "Here in the old part we know what's good for us … and our two strangers are very good for us." He gave a gentle laugh and got ready to leave adding. "Supposed I'd better think about packing up or the missus will be after me again."

She smiled and as she packed up and wondered just how many businesses had been rescued then realised that was one ability that stayed with John; and even the hotel was proving that with more bookings coming in for next year.

oxoxo

Meg parked the car and started to walk towards the apartment, the curtains were drawn shutting out the coming evening and the gentle security light, which bathed the area. She checked her watch found it had stopped again and tutted, she would have to get a new one in the morning; she'd had the battery checked by the jeweller not long ago.

"Meg wait!"

She looked up, stopped and waited.

When Mandy joined her she explained. "A word in your ear, Jackie said he's been a quiet stubborn old ass all day so it's possible this evening might not go as he wants it to. We will be on hand if you want us."

Mandy's words made her smile, this morning she thought she spotted a bit of the old Ben back, the glint in his eyes that told her a surprise was on its way. She knew Simon and Jackie wouldn't hint about anything as they would be needed to make it happen, another thing for him to be frustrated about. Her mind wandered for a moment to her own surprise and with his it could make the evening really interesting. A snorting from a horse in the paddock brought her back sharply and said. "Thanks for the warning, do you want to come in for a moment?"

Mandy looked at her for a moment then said. "You're looking good in spite of the tension his moods must be causing. I'll just pop in and collect Jack … he was checking something with Simon and no doubt got carried away … put those three together and they are worse than women chatting." Meg laughed understanding her completely as Mandy carried on. "Looks as though snow is coming in tonight … we missed the first lot."

Meg sighed. "That's all we need especially with my trip only a few days away." Then opened the door expecting to find John waiting for her in the lounge area; instead Jackie was in the kitchen area busy unloading the dishwasher. She immediately looked up as the door opened and when Meg gave a slight nod of greeting she smiled and went back to her job.

Simon was near other apartment's passageway and called across to her. "Two minutes and we'll leave you in peace; Jack's just getting the papers from our apartment."

On the way in Meg noted the empty wheelchair by the door so knew John was around on crutches and hoped he was not too tired or had a disappointment over their idea that morning. They had decided to see if they could convert a window into a door so they could go into the covered garden, as they called it, straight from the apartment. He had rung Val and she promised to check it out as she had the plans etc. Meg quietly hoped it might be done while she was away so it would give him something else to think about.

She looked around for him again and saw him. He had been masked by Jackie, and now could see why Jackie's voice had an edge, he was looking tired and tense as he made slow progress. So she smiled a welcome ready for when he glanced her way knowing not to break his concentration with a verbal greeting.

He got near the end of the unit knowing she was there, looked up and smiled at her as he put a slim wrapped up present on the top of the counter. It should not have caused any bother, he knew the height of the counter but he misjudged it started to topple, then righted himself. That meant the present pushed against a cup and the vase of white and gold roses, they both rocked then went over the top.

Jackie caught the movement and tried to save the cup which went her side but was too far away. John swore and his natural instincts to save the vase of flowers falling kicked in. He needed his hands so pushed the crutches away and got tangled in them so they pushed against a pile of plates which in turn fanned out as they also fell off the counter.

Meg and the others could only stand and watch, seeing it as though it was in slow motion though in fact it only took seconds rather than minutes. They all knew that Ben's mind tended to get tangled when trying to walk so he should not have looked at Meg and smiled a greeting while trying to put the present down and finish walking. But he forgot and he missed the vase by a fingertip all the way down to the ground where it smashed.

The noise was tremendous as the plates hit the ground some broke, some didn't and John somehow managed to curl his top half away from the glass, but the china hit around his legs and he stayed still after he landed. Through it all they heard his cry 'I can't do it!" which was a mixture of pleading and frustration.

oxoxo

In the aftermath, Meg realised what had just happened was the snapping of the last straw as far as John was concerned. She carefully made her way over to him and wondered what it was he could not do … catch the vase or was it the 'something' that had been troubling him for a while and had caused his quietness.

Meg heeded Jack's and Simon's warnings about the broken glass and china, knew they were the right side to see to Ben but she desperately needed to touch him prove to herself that he was all right and knew her touch was important to him. She also had the impression of Shep whining possibly hurt and or trapped by the broken bits but knew the others would help him much better than she could.

Crouching beside John calling his name as Meg took his hand, which was cold and shaking, and heard Jackie's voice talking to Simon so knew she would have to move to let them take care of him. Reassured he was still with them, she got up and made her way over to the lounge area to watch.

Jack picked Shep up and carried him over to the fire then checked his fur for bits - he was fine just shaken. Mandy was busy in the kitchen area while Simon and Jackie checked John over, all the time there was a strange quiet and calm as everyone knew what to do.

Then Meg had to smile at the short sharp replies to Jackie's questions and knew John was with them, he had not zone out or lost consciousness. She watched as they gradually helped him up, found he wasn't cut but was shaking. Even from there she could feel his frustration, anger and saw the hurt in his eyes as they almost carried him over to the sofa, then moved away to give him space. Once there, he sat looking straight ahead muttering 'I can't do it!' quietly to himself.

That worried Meg so she got down in front of him, calling his name. Getting his attention and keeping eye contact she asked gently "What can't you do John?"

His voice was husky and loving, though his words were rushed. "I can't give you what you want. You're trapped with me I wanted to give you a family. Instead you're going to lose yours, you love them and they love you, the twins need your love. I thought I could live like this but I can't, I'm hurting you too much, I'm sorry." And stopped to breathe and look at her.

She could see his pain all too clearly - love and guilt - as it had always been. He had hated it when he hurt her family and he felt he was doing it again. She knew through his strength of character he would pull through somehow if she left; what he needed now as to hear the truth in her voice and keeping it loving and gentle she reassured him. "You're giving me everything I want whether you are John or Ben. We do not need to be married for our life to be happy. … I'm going to see Sara when she gives birth and I'll keep in contact with them. They will have my love and we will be just like any other family who lives apart. I'm not going to leave you … I love you … and you are going to make a wonderful loving father to our child no matter what happens."

She realised that John was still wrapped up in her pain at leaving her family but it had been her choice to stay; and it was always difficult to make him understand that as he rushed in at the end of her words saying. "You will not see the twins grow up as you should I'm stopping you. It will always be second best it's not fair on you or them … … They'll not be here for you when you need them. I want so much to have you and a family as we planned."

As she listened Meg realised that somewhere in his mind he had picked up her message even if he had not fully realised it, and said gently. "We have months to plan things and I've got Mandy and Jackie here if Mum and Dad can't come. They will understand when the truth is known. … We will be like many other split families, they are okay and so will we be."

Ben looked at her questioningly for a moment and she could almost see the penny drop and the ripples of understanding; but they were smothered as he zoned away from them.

She called his name, but his unseeing eyes looked at her, the others were close but stayed silent. And as John spoke they realised the wall around his childhood memories had come crashing down; his voice was gentle and quiet. "It became the family story, they thought it was one baby. He was about 6lbs, I was a hidden twin under 3lbs coming out backwards and in a tangle just to make things difficult. Because I was so near death they wanted us to be christened there and then. My parents of course had only chosen names for one, and that had taken a lot of soul searching. Now they had to find something in a couple minutes while the Chaplin was coming and Mum needed attention.

The name Derek was my parents' choice, Benjamin was my mother's father's name and John was a name given to the first boy of the family. They could not use it as a first name as my grandfather had it and my father used it because he did not like his first name of Cedric. Other names seemed old fashioned, too way out or just not liked and the staff were all female so that was not help. They decided to stay with Benjamin as they wanted the family connection and I was not expected to last more than an hour, but I did.

Friends and family always used to ask after me first as I had been so ill at birth and in babyhood. I was stronger in childhood but the habit of me first, Derek second stayed. I was the quiet one so got the attention while he was the boisterous one and always into everything. Our parents always treated us fairly and put him first when they could. But in the big wide world the fact he was born first did not matter as Ben came before Derek in the alphabet so again I was first. He needed to be the first twin … the only one."

Ben shivered coming part way back to them as Meg took his hand feeling shocked and sorry for him; his eyes registered her touch and he held her hand as he carried on, his voice still gentle. "I believed I could live with a different name … in the wheelchair I'm John no past just a future. But now I am starting to walk … there's a part of me that wants to be Ben again; be the person I was, give you all the things you deserve, marry you and give our children my name."

He'd said the last words slowly and Meg saw that slow grin she loved along with the twinkle sparkle in his eyes come, and she knew it had finally come to the surface. It was confirmed by his soft and loving. "Really, expecting our baby."

She nodded and he looked around at the others who had listened to his story. Jackie smiled and nodded, he beamed back at Meg and she knew he was not cross that Jackie knew before he did or that it had happened now instead of later.

Meg words were gentle and very loving as she wanting him to really understand how happy she was repeated what she had said earlier. "I want you to be the father of my child, the person you are now, the strong, kind, gentle man I love. We have an adopted loving family around us who are great. We can use my surname or Smith; my family know a bit about you as John and have accepted you.

We can plan a slow evacuation from Sunset Beach, Sara and Casey can move when the kids are old enough to travel. When they find out the truth they will understand why and respect your wishes. I'm not yet four weeks so it will be months away and they need not know yet. We will work it out and you have not trapped me here I wanted to stay remember."

She noticed how pale he was and though he smiled she could see the doubt creeping back in as he spoke. "I cannot let you lose them. They will hate me if I keep you here especially now … they will want to see the baby give it their love and they will not be able to."

Meg realised it had been churning around his mind ever since they had talked about their future after Jackie's 'little' talk. They had both wanted children and decided to let it happen naturally, they just had not bargained on fate giving them a present quite so fast and reassured him. "Sweetheart it will be fine, we will cope now let's get this mess cleared up while you rest and get warm."

Mandy put some hot drinks on the table and said gently but firmly. "The flowers are a bit battered but okay; Shep is fine and can stay by the fire while things are cleaned up. You and I need to have a chat before you go into shock and zone out again. You talk I'll listen with just a few question no hard probing I promise and just between us no one else."

John nodded and took the drink she offered, but looked at Meg as he took a couple of sips then said. "I'm sorry it happened like this … I want to celebrate our news."

Meg smiled, she could hear the love in his voice as well as the pain he was feeling. When he put his cup down she took his hand and rubbed it against her cheek and kissed it then said lightly but lovingly "It's all right I can see you're happy and we wanted it this way. Go with Mandy into Jackie's apartment for a while, then we will have a meal ready in here and we can celebrate together."

He tried to get up but could not and accepted Simon's help into the wheelchair and Meg looked across at Jackie who smiled reassuringly at her.

As Mandy passed her daughter she said "I thought you had a mother daughter talk to Meg at the beginning."

Jackie smiled and said lightly back "Yes it went very well didn't it." Her mother sighed as Jackie carried on "Anyway you had your talk with John so we can talk about this all night and get nowhere. Come on Mum! They love each other it was bound to happen sooner or later."

John huffed to Mandy. "What about consenting adults Grandma!" but there was a slight smile and a definite twinkle in his eyes.

Mandy smiled as the others giggled, there was nothing she could say to that remark so waved Simon on and followed them into the apartment leaving Jackie, Meg and Jack sort things out.

oxoxo

Now the excitement was over and they were tidying up Meg suddenly felt worried and asked them. "What about seeing Sara."

Jack put some more broken pieces in the bin and answered. "Travelling should not be a problem; you will not be showing for a while so it's not a case of floppy jumpers to hide the bump." He looked at her then added. "They will know though as you are beaming at the moment, so goodness knows what it's going to be like in four days time!" Meg looked at him accusingly so he said quickly with a wicked grin. "Well, it will reassure everyone that you are fine … been having fun!"

Meg could not help but laugh then said with a sigh. "Talk about taking the magic out of it. Mum and Dad will go berserk! I mean Mum's not even got used to the idea I will not get married to John. … Now this …" She shrugged her shoulders as she realised she couldn't do anything about it, then exclaimed to Jackie. "I'm starving anything to nibble before the meal has finished cooking."

She looked sharply at Jackie as there was a gentle laugh and a mutter about eating for two already.

oxoxo

The room was tidy and double checked for bits so Shep would be all right walking around. The meal had been put on a cooler heat so it would not spoil and Meg knew it would be a foursome for the evening and not the private evening John had wanted. But that would be okay, and looked round as Mandy came back from the other apartment and noted she looked tired but was smiling.

Before she got bombarded with questions Mandy said to the group. "John is sleeping on the sofa, he should wake naturally in about an hour. I've left the buzzer near him so … Oh okay Shep go see him but don't wake him." and gave a laugh as Shep walked by her giving her a look that seemed to say 'As if I would!'

Then she carried on as she sat on the sofa. "We've been through some of his childhood, which I'll not go into detail only say it was unusual and rough in places. His parents loved both the boys as equally as they could, but because Derek was the boisterous one he dominated the family. I doubt John will talk about it for some time so don't push Meg, just be there and ready to listen when it comes; remember he was loved by his parents and loved them back.

We will have to watch him in case he zones out again as he remembers and packs it away again. Perhaps with it off his mind he will start to walk better, we'll have to see and he's promised to rest more. I was wondering if we can get more warmth into the garden as he's quiet relaxed there."

Simon and Jack gave a nod and Mandy smiled as she carried on. "He is really chuffed Meg and a bit worried about the baby, but that's not surprising." then she added seriously. "I would like to go with you to Sunset Beach."

"Hey!" Jack exclaimed.

Mandy carried on quickly. "You owe me a holiday Jack and I'm sure Robert can put us up in his hotel suite he has there or just in the hotel. We can be his friend rather than Meg's, you can be a retired traffic cop and I think I had better stay a doctor as I might be needed when we land and Meg parents' sees her." She added with a teasing gleam in her eyes.

Meg shook her head and laughed. "That is so unfair: Jack's already said it's written in my face. Will he be all right?"

Mandy nodded knowing who she was referring to and carried on. "Jack's right it is, especially now you've told us, didn't I say you looked good when I first saw you tonight. … It's that cat's got the cream look. My brother checked you out I suppose."

Smiling Meg nodded and Mandy carried on with a slight grin. "John was at great pains to say you had both discussed babies and wanted it to come naturally so did not take precautions. Can't say we didn't warn you he was active in that department."

Meg giggled and blushed so Mandy took pity on her and said. "Okay let's get on to your trip, Jackie and Simon will be around and Paul and Val will be coming for a short break. If you can call it that, he's bound to be moody but having the new door fitted should occupy his mind. Val's confirmed it could be done easily to do as that was an option with that window. No doubt Paul will want to visit the waterfall but only if it hasn't snowed. And you can't really just walk in and say hi and look at the twins and walk out again, so we could be there about four days." and added with a grin "After all you need to know what you are letting yourself in for … okay half as it's one baby." then ended in a dark sigh in spite of the twinkle in her eye. "It had better only be one."

"Thank you very much!" Meg exclaimed with a smile, already hoping it would stay one as well, then added. "Robert said he wanted to stay a couple of days anyway something to do with setting something up in his office and a meeting with AJ. He is going to pick me up from the other airport as he is coming from Boston, then we go straight into Sunset. … Is it just because I'm expecting that you want to come?"

"No, I want to see the other twin. Oh don't worry I will not get too close. I think it will do John good if he sees his brother enjoying life on video, not just have yours or Robert's word for it. I know it's not justice in the usual sense of the word but it will mean he can stop feeling guilty about allowing things to rest as they are. He's also worried that Maria may turn on Derek and feels he should warn him. "

Meg exclaimed. "Oh, surely not! … At the beginning perhaps if she found out that Ben was alive but she loves Derek and the children. You could say they are two of a kind only difference is she has not murdered anyone. Anyway, hasn't Derek made his choice by staying with her?"

Mandy explained gently. "I know, but you're forgetting there is still a bond between John and his brother even if he must stay dead. He feels it's a possibility, after all Maria turned from him to his brother so she could easily turn to someone else. If he sees they are really happy it should stop that fear.

I would also like to see your parents and family, if we are to think about moving them out I need to convince him it will be their choice and he's not turning into his brother by arranging their future for them. Now, let's see if we have to call on the hotel chef for help to rescue your meal."

Meg left Jackie and Mandy and went to the office careful not to wake John as she passed the lounge area.

She sat at the computer wondering whether to tell Robert all the news and decided to leave one bit till she saw him, then wrote.

Hi Robert

Will tell you all on the plane - we came, we saw and he shuffles. See the attached photo.

Mandy and Jack would like to come on the visit. Mandy thought they could come as your friends rather than mine, though I think Mandy might want to chat with Mum and Dad once they see how things are.

We are trying to think of a cover story - Jack can only be a retired Cop even in sweatshirt and jeans he has Officer written all over him. Mandy thinks it will help John if he knows his family are happy it's not just our word on it.

Let me know if this is impossible otherwise see you at the airport.

Latest word from Sara is she is still at home and okay counting the days.

Thanks and love.

Meg

She attached a photo of the waterfall knowing it would keep him guessing as there was no one in it just the winter scene.

Her mind flashed back to their ride down the bridle path, they'd taken the direct route as it was chilly though sunny and they could not stay long. They'd used the wedding trap so she could sit with John and Jackie rode Sandie with Shep rounding them up all the way. She remembered John's smile as he sat on the bench. He had not even tried to walk just quietly allowed Simon to carry him to the seat. As they sat together for a photo they both knew this would be a nice quiet route out into the countryside for them and that photo would be tucked away with the other special ones they couldn't show.

She pressed the keys and smiled as it coded then disappeared, knowing Robert would say yes; and heard Shep come up the stairs. When he got to her she chuckled as he had all three squares as the message so she closed everything down then went downstairs.

Stopping by the sofa she sat on the chair beside John and teased gently "You rang Sir?"

He shifted so he could sit up and with a smile nodded then gave her the box, which had started his downfall and said. "I wanted to give you this to say thank you for suffering my moods and helping me get this far. I hope you like it. I guess I took on too much, got a bit cold when I had to wait outside the shop to choose it, then refused to have an nap and got angry when Jackie told me to. … I'm sorry I made a mess of things I will not in future."

She smiled and nodded at his admission and opened the box. Her smile grew wider, deeper, it was a beautiful watch with a silver bracelet strap and she said softly. "It's lovely John thank you. I guess you heard me swear at the other one when it stopped yesterday."

He nodded and smiled then helped her put it on and said softly "It will mean much more now. I love you and our baby to come … you know that don't you."

She looked at him, his eyes sparkling and answered truthfully. "Yes I do and I know how strong you are and the doubts will go."

They kissed

The job done Shep quietly left the couple and made his way into the other apartment for his tea. Seeing him come through and knowing what was happening Jackie counted to twenty then called them that the meal was ready … was tempted to add 'when they were' but realised that might mean they would take longer so left it and waited.

Meg gave John his crutches so he could get into the wheelchair then pushed him to join the others. During the meal Meg explained about the alterations to the trip to see Sara and they all chatted so things got back to normal, though Meg noticed John was still quiet at times and watched her a great deal. So she gently teased him that she was not suddenly breakable or ill, which made him smile.

That night in the privacy of their bed they curled up together happy in their love for each other.


	34. Chapter 34

**Chapter 34 **

Simon and Jackie sat at the dinning table watching the couple in the lounge area, the silence in the room was comfortable but was broken by the swish of the door from the driveway being opened. Jack walked in smiled at Jackie and Simon then called across to the other couple. "Meg! I'm taking your bags to our car. We need to go **now** if we are to catch the flight to the other airport to meet Robert's plane."

Jack wasn't really surprised his call seemed to be ignored and he in his turn ignored his daughter's rather pointed look as he carried on in his gentle but commanding voice so the couple knew he really meant business but also understood their feelings. "John! We'll take good care of her don't you worry." Then picked up the cases and went out to make his point.

Reluctantly Meg broke off from the kiss, put her hand on John's shoulder because she did not want to lose 'that' feeling just yet and looked into his eyes and nearly lost it again but his words made her laugh because they were said gently and seriously but his eyes were sparkling just like hers were. "Give your parents my regards."

"Yeah … before or after I pick them up off the tarmac." She replied with a smile. She was getting used to his and the others gentle teasing about her 'blooming' so early on in the pregnancy. As well of course of his very loving attitude, which had a touch of pride in it and why not - they were both rather pleased with themselves after the shock had worn off of course. She also knew that everyone else could see her 'blooming condition' as over the past couple of days her workmates made comments and when she explained and asked for their silence on the matter for a while they gave it with gentle understanding chuckles.

And now 'oh joy' she was going to face her parents with the 'news' whether she liked it or not. It might not have been so bad if they could see or talk to the father to be, but of course they couldn't and she would not have him to duck behind as her Dad or Mum hit the roof either. The little thought crept through again that they would see how happy she was would help, and they loved her regardless because she was their daughter just as they love Sara regardless.

The gentle "Of course there is Robert to face first." brought her back to a rather soulful looking soulmate.

'Oh he could be soo mean when he wanted to.' But she kept that thought to herself and smiled with a gentle shake of her head not wanting to go there and remembered Robert's wicked sense of humour and payback … she had after all sent some uninformative emails. 'Oh yeah, the plane trip was certainly going to be an interesting one', so she changed the subject with a loving sigh and tease. "Promise me you'll be good."

His eyes still twinkling he gave a little shake of his head in Jackie and Simon's direction as he huffed. "Got no choice really."

Looking over at the pair she knew he was under orders not to go out because of the freezing wind and was restricted to the wheelchair as he was 'resting' ready for the Paul and Val etc to arrive. Not that he was going to do anything dramatic with them. Just talk and watch a window being changed into a doorway. After his embarrassing episode as he called it Jackie still insisted that he only did one thing at a time when walking, otherwise he'd be back in the chair or on the sofa unless chaperoned. His expression to that remark had Meg in a fit of giggles, which nearly defeated the point of the lecture, it had not helped that Jackie had gone onto say 'at least he could not fall out of the wheelchair'. That was immediately accompanied by Simon's snorted gentle remark "Been there done that and got the T-shirt", which was followed by John's threat of putting him on half pay. And the lecture had dissolved into giggles and banter between them all. But, it was taken on board as John had been on best behaviour every since, she wondered how long it would last with Val and Paul there and regretted not actually being there to greet them.

She turned her attention back to John remembering Val's phone call explaining they were running late so she had given them their news and got deafened by their congratulations. And smiled suddenly thinking, with them around he might like to try and walk in the garden and said gently "If you want to walk in the garden when they are here its okay by me." Knowing they'd promised it themselves.

His smile and nod told her he understood and the long blip on the car horn told her she really had to go. John pushed himself out of the gangway so she could follow him at least as far as the dinning area. They both knew he would not get any further; Simon had already moved close to the door frame and though she could not see John's face from Simon's grin she knew any plan of a quick nip outside had just been foiled.

They had had a good morning, gentle teasing and reassurances to cover any last minute fears about the trip. They both knew she was going regardless, that Matt would be in Sunset as well as the others, also she would wander around by herself and most probably meet his brother on her own. Guard her too closely would cause questions from her parents and could spark the twin's curiosity button. From all they'd gathered from the web papers 'Ben' was a loving father and husband, and she hoped for all their sakes he no longer needed that extra kick of twisting the knife when he saw her, at least this time she was ready for it.

John expertly parked himself by the table and pressed the release button for the door. She felt the cold rush of air as she put her anorak on and picked up her handbag and then put her hand on his shoulder and said softly. "Thank you for Snow White."

He gave her a deep loving smile and as he spoke he took a photo from the pocket of the chair and gave it to her. "My pleasure only sorry she arrived too close for you to enjoy her, perhaps when you get back and the snow holds off. Show Sara if you like after all we need to reassure your family that everything is all right and you're not an unpaid slave. Jackie will take good care of her when they go to the waterfall."

She looked across at Jackie who smiled a 'thank you' as John continued. "If it snows I'll use Paul's mail address otherwise Jackie will ring Mandy or Robert on his 24 number. Mail me on your address if you feel its safe too, otherwise enjoy yourself and give regards to Casey for me."

Their eyes locked as she brushed her hand against his face, he covered her hand with his, and she wished she could take that feeling with her, her gentle parting "love you" was covered by his "love you" as he allowed her hand slip from under his. She could feel him watching her as she walked away and as the door closed behind her she waved then walked briskly to the car and got in.

"Okay?" Mandy asked as the car started off.

"Fine thanks." Meg replied.

At the top of the driveway as they turned into the road Meg could not resist one last look back just to make sure everything was all right and he had not rushed out into the cold. It was empty so she turned round and made herself comfortable for the drive to the airport.

oxoxo

The silence in the car was comfortable, Mandy was in the back beside her, Jack was in the front beside the police driver, who'd been chosen because he would not repeat anything he heard in the car. Or as Jack had said earlier 'everything just went in one side and out the other without stopping', which might have sounded rude till you realised it was all part of their dark humour. They'd been working partners for many years and trusted their lives to each other and would do again in a heartbeat.

Mandy broke the silence with a gentle admission. "Perhaps Jackie was right your baby is a good thing, John seems more confident sort of proved he can do ..." She trailed off suddenly realising how embarrassing the rest would sound.

Jack snorted gleefully, knowing exactly what his wife meant or was trying to say and added with a huge tease in his voice. "Hole and shovel comes to mind my love."

The driver tried to smother a smile and Jack said dangerously quiet. "Concentrate on the road or there will be snow duty for you my lad!"

Which brought a very quiet "Yes Sir" from the officer, who wasn't much younger than Jack.

Meg could not help smiling either, understanding what Mandy meant and knowing however she said it, it would be embarrassing even if kindly meant. And yes he was proud and so was she but she would not say it out loud for the same reason Mandy had stopped.

Mandy looked at her and smiled back and exclaimed. "Well at least you know what I mean."

Meg nodded and giggled helplessly not only because of her thoughts, which were racing away in totally the wrong direction, but also because Jack had turned round with a huge grin on his face and teased his wife again. "A ladder perhaps, before you go any deeper. Dear!"

Mandy sighed and Meg shook her head, they both knew there was no stopping Jack once he got in this kind of mood, so Meg decided to help her out by asking what had been on her mind. "Will I be able to ride?"

Looking slightly disappointed Jack turned round to face the front and the driver relaxed a little. Mandy smiled and answered with relief, though knew she'd have to be careful with her husband in 'that' kind of mood. "Yes till the bump makes it uncomfortable, you've been riding regularly which helps but you might want to keep to walking rather than trotting or cantering." Meg kept silent and nodded as Mandy added. "Guess, we'll have to look out for another trap like the wedding one otherwise there will be some very squashed brides going around. How was John this morning apart from concerned?"

Meg stopped the picture building up in her mind and concentrated on Mandy's concern. "Cheesed off because of the restrictions Jackie has put on him otherwise we had a great morning. We both know you'll be around and I think I'll be okay around his brother."

Jack said a little bit sharply not wanting to go over that ground twice. "We'll discuss that on the other plane Meg after Robert's brought us up to date. … Oh look there's Val and Paul guess that will make him happy and Jackie will find her hands full no doubt." He added in a lighter tone.

Mandy chuckled remembering what Paul was like and the way Val was waving a thumbs up sign to them.

Smiling Meg waved as they passed the other car , and after that they sat quietly in their own thoughts. Hers drifted back over the past four days; so much had changed and yet still stayed the same. She was going to have their baby … his baby, she felt bucked about it so understood what Mandy was getting at. - This was just between the pair of them with no interference from anyone else. Well, apart from Jackie's and Mandy's talks that is and they weren't interference just made the whole thing enjoyable. She silently sighed, she'd often caught the odd grin of satisfaction coupled with the twinkle in his eyes and when she caught his look she knew it mirrored hers. Yeah that was good but there was still an unexplained edginess/quietness about him, usually in the mornings and was gone by the time she returned from work. Work yeah she knew that would be different too especially as Jack had already suggested with a strong hint of an order, that a special driver or taxi should take her to and from Paul's on the frosty or snowy days or she stay home. Yep she was going to be ganged up on.

She looked down at the photo in her hand smiling as she remembered yesterday and his surprise. - How an ordinary day with a few butterflies about her coming visit turned into something really special. She'd arrived back at the apartment after work to find no one there just his note on the table asking her to change into jumper and jeans and go over to the schooling barn. She rushed over full of questions and found Jackie, Stephen and John talking near one of the mounting blocks. John smiled a 'hello' and shook his head as she started to ask 'what it was all about. She knew 'that' look of his and something good was up, that was apart from the fact he was actually standing using the crutches in the barn - that was a huge break through, he'd not managed it anywhere else. So this was important to all of them. She'd looked at Jackie for a hint, but she just smiled looked towards the stalls, so she looked too and heard the noise of a horse being led in to the area.

Sure enough Simon, the missing member of the group appeared leading a white horse, which was saddled up ready to be ridden. But it was John who introduced her to her and brought her world to a temporary halt. "Meg. Meet Snow White, your Christmas present. The breeder got worried about her travelling in the promised snow so she is early. She's specially trained like the others so will be calm and gentle to ride if you would like to try her out around the barn."

For a moment she was speechless and just looked then her brain got working and she went up to the beautiful horse and found her voice. "Hi Snow White."

In return Snow White muzzled her hand and gently snorted her own greeting.

Meg gently stroked Snow White's nose and neck feeling the warmth and confidence of the horse and bubbly warmth inside her as she looked back at the group and John especially said emotionally. "She's so beautiful! Thank you." She gave a gentle laugh as she asked. "Why Snow White she's got a black mane."

John laughed at the question and replied as Simon helped Meg up on Snow White's back. "No. It's Snow White as in the story with seven dwarfs. She's always got long black hair and very gentle just like this one, the breeder's daughter loves the film and christened her because she was there when her mother foaled. I suppose you could think of Thor and Blacky as her dwarfs."

Meg laughed and eyed him teasingly.

John shook his head and carried on. "No I'm no thinking of having any more just to make up the numbers, though we might have another one to make up the team. During the next year or so her mane will turn silver like her tail is, you can see a couple of silver strands all ready. I know you'll not be able to ride her all the time so if you don't mind I think Jackie would be delighted to exercise her as will some of the guests. But it will be your decision of course."

Meg stopped laughing and smiling looked across at Jackie who was giving a lovely pleading look with her hand clasped as if in pray, and said with real warmth so she would understand it was not just because John wanted it. "Of course she can and so can some of the guests otherwise Snow White will get bored and we can't have that now can we."

Snow White gave a snort as if she understood and shifted her body just a little as if to say 'come on then lets move'.

Meg gave her a 'walk on' nudged and Snow White obliged. It was lovely to feel the smooth gait after while she put her through her paces till she came back round to John and told Snow White to stop which she did calmly and smoothly. Meg knew Snow White was a really beautiful horse and as she looked down at John with an innocent smile said. "It's lonely up here. … I thought they were muttering it might be possible for you to start riding now your back is stronger."

John just smiled at her and Simon came in from the stalls answering her comment. "Sandy's ready … just walking round once as we did yesterday."

She looked from John to Simon and Sandy and back to John exclaiming. "John you traitor! You started without me!"

John gave her an innocent smile which sent happy shivers down her spine while Simon led Sandy up to the platform. He dropped the reins knowing Sandy would stay and went to help Stephen and Jackie get John up the steps so he could get on without straining his back. Through all the fuss both horses stood gently snorting to each other and Meg wondered whether they were commenting on things or just getting used to each other's company.

When Stephen and Simon were happy John was safely onboard and everything was all right Simon took up the leading rein. He knew Sandy would walk round by himself or rather next to Snow White he wanted to be there for John in case he zoned out or felt unsure, this was a big step for them and no one was rushing it.

Once John was settled he casually answered Meg's question. "Only been up the once. Had to make sure they knew how to get me up here."

She looked across at him, he looked gorgeous though slightly tense and a slight twitch of concern reached his dark sparkling eyes, which was quite understandable considering. All the same she could not resist the tease. "More like splinters and getting scared of the heights again!"

She got the reaction she wanted as John sighed his reply with a gently shake of his head and a slow grin. "You're really not going to let me forget that are you!"

"No" She said with a laugh feeling really bubbly inside as they walked round the barn side by side. It felt thrilling, not only because of the feel the horses but to be 'walking' beside him round the barn something so normal. She knew this had been built before June as a 'thank you investment' for Simon, now it was going to give him a chance of perhaps walking with her or them along the bridle paths into the valley instead of being stuck in the apartment, while she rode ... …

The sound of a car horn brought her back to the present - they were at the airport for the first of their flights.

This was the lunchtime equivalent of the one she took before so she knew there would be a buzz of business talk rather than casual holiday talk which would suit them. Then if the timing was right Robert's plane would be waiting for them at the larger airport so they could fly straight to Sunset Beach. This stop would be just one of many he'd made on his flight from Boston.

oxoxo

As she expected the flight had been smooth and not very interesting, the businessman sat beside her was concentrating on pages of figures and no doubt wouldn't remember the lunch he'd eaten. She'd had a window seat so looked at the clouds and listened to Mandy and Jack chatting to the businessman near them.

Having landed and disembarked Jack and Mandy sorted out a trolley for the luggage while she looked out for Robert's plane. She spotted the plane and with the others following walked across the tarmac keeping an eye out for other traffic that might pass.

She saw Robert waiting for them at the door to the plane and was expecting his perplexed expression due to her short general emails and his, "Where has chatterbox gone?" to which she just reminded him she would explain all on the plane.

She sighed wondering why she wanted to explain face to face, why she had not warned him. Yes there was that perplexed look and as she got closer he came down the steps and called his greeting. "I've a bone to pick with you young lady!" then a smile replace the frown and he added in a brighter tone. "Perhaps that should be **two** bones."

Meg couldn't help hint of a smile as she heard Mandy's chuckle behind her and knew Jack would be grinning.

Without saying anything else Robert opened his arms for a hug, which gave time for Jack to hand the luggage trolley over to a member of staff and join Mandy who was close enough to hear Robert's gentle words to Meg. "There was me thinking chaos followed you, reckon you two like to make it."

With an innocent expression Meg broke the hug and stepped back as he carried on quietly "I assume the shock of becoming a father in the future has not killed the poor lad."

She smiled "No, though he was a bit shocked."

Robert gave a delightful chuckle and looked across at Mandy and Jack. "Two proud adopted grandparents to be, I suppose."

Mandy and Jack laughing nodded, then Robert lead the way into the plane he sighed as he continued. "Oh you'll both be spoilt rotten I've no doubt. I know we wanted a good reason not to visit too often but this is … beautiful." He gave another chuckle then carried on. "Come on you've got lots to tell me, young lady not least **that** very **long** email I mean to **say** 'We came, we saw he shuffled', that picture and then ask if Jack and Mandy could come as well was a little bit too short and too the point. … I mean to say!" eyeing her as he moved out the way to let her and the other through and said to Mandy and Jack. "Make yourselves at home. The steward is staying with the pilot so you've got me for coffees etc."

Meg reframed from commenting and everyone found seats and buckled up. Robert pressed the buzzer and carried on talking as they taxied for the take off. "But before you tell me all young lady let me reassure you on one thing a least. And I must admit I didn't think I would say this knowing 'his' history but 'Ben' is turning out to be a very loving father and husband and not too bad a business man, though I doubt he's in his brother's league. But the fact he is now family orientated covers that up very well indeed."

He looked at Mandy and Jack and got understanding nods then looked back at Meg and with a grin, he again emphasised his words carefully. "So this 'we came, we saw and he shuffled. If he is walking I'm booking my visit to the hotel as soon as possible. After all as adopted uncle I must congratulate him personally." Then he could not resist it any longer and gave a gentle shake of his head and a smile that showed love and mischief and in a tone that he knew Meg would understand said. "Oh your parents **are** soo going to love you Meg."

As the plane took off Meg gave gentle laugh and heard the other's gentle chuckles of agreement. Oh yeah, she was really going to enjoy that meeting whether at the airport or after. But, in truth after seeing his reaction she really didn't care anymore and as the plane got on its proper course she gave into the his expectant gleeful look and started to explain it all.

oxoxo

Reviews welcome any time.


	35. Chapter 35

**Chapter 35**

As the plane taxied to a halt in the warm winter sunshine Meg felt strong pangs of nerves shot through her as she spotted the cars on the edge of the tarmac and with them were Robert's driver and her parents … at least they looked happy as they chatted. She looked across at Mandy hoping for support and all she got was a bright smile with a cheekily shaky voiced comment. "We are just two old dears on holiday."

Jack chuckled at his wife and Meg laughed remembering the gentle ribbing Jackie and Simon gave the couple as everyone sorted out their cover story for the trip.

It was simple really; change everything round Jackie and Simon were the hotel owners with Jack a retired cop who helped out with the horses. Mandy was a relief doctor in the local practice and both were taking advantage of empty seats on the plane and friendship that had been made on a previous visit.

While discussing the current situation on the plane Robert had decided it would be easy for him to introduce them as just plain Mandy and Jack no need for surnames or places to be mentioned. Also as they would be with him it would be assumed they were his guests rather than friends of Meg. If it became really necessary then they would tell her parents some of the truth as for Meg having to mention names for John's helpers Stephen and his wife's names were availably otherwise they would just be nameless helpers. Also John's condition would not as forward as it really was thereby giving no alarm over possible phone contact in the near future.

To break the ice and get things moving Robert went down the steps first with Jack and Mandy following and introduced them to her parents. … Sort of setting the scene that they were his friends not hers and it gave Meg valuable time to get her nerves back under control and she would some privacy when she finally met her parents. …Oh joy! … Of course Robert and the others would take their time in packing their things into Robert's car possibly give one look at the airport building … just in case things went pear-shaped and she needed help.

Unconsciously she shook her head as she remembered Robert's grin as he suggested the plan and now watching the meet and greet go well, she knew she really had to get moving or there would be trouble. She huffed quietly to herself … There was going to be trouble whatever she did! …Taking a breath she made her way down the steps and across to her parents. She knew they were watching her, so she smiled at her father, who was nearest to her and saw the straight look turn into a smile and then he opened his arms for a hug, which she walked into. … No choice there then.

Hugging her gently but firmly Hank said quietly with a lot of feeling. "Hoping to hide **it** from your old man then!"

"What?" Meg asked innocently as she pushed herself away from him so she could greet her mother, who answered for him "Your condition love its written all over you!" without a pause in her words, but with a hint of a smile in her face even though her eyes still convoyed the shock she was feeling she added. "Don't forget we were a farming family!"

"Mum!" Meg exclaimed totally shocked by the last remark, but was quietly pleased when her mother laugh was joined by her father's laugh. And she walked into her mother's gentle loving hug, realising neither of them would not push her away as she'd feared. They'd reacted as Robert had … with shock and happiness for her… she wasn't fooled it would not be the end of the matter.

Hank confirmed Joan's statement gently. "It is Sweetheart and you looked so happy as you walked down the steps I knew it was wanted not feared." he put a little firmness into his voice hoping for an answer. "Now that everyone will be asking, hadn't you better come clean and tell all."

Meg gave a sigh and ignored the last bit and said gently. "Obviously Sara's all right as you are both here."

She got two nods and two knowing smiles and felt her father's hand on her arm and they walked over to the car. It was nice to feel his touch was a reassuring one and not a threatening one, she also knew she would have to draw the line so they both knew how far she would go and said gently but firmly. "Okay yes I am expecting and you know most of it already; his name is John, he's been ill recently, is getting better slowly and is in business." Then she gently emphasised her thoughts. "This is meant to be Sara and Casey's time not mine."

"It's your time as well Meg." Joan said gently not wanting her daughter to feel she could not talk about things if she wanted to and then asked. "Are Mandy and Jack related to John and here to check us out?"

In one smooth sweeping glance in order to hide the shock that her mother should jump to **'that'** conclusion Meg checked where her bags were; saw they had been put by the car's trunk, then casually looked over at Robert and gave a wave (so he'd know things were okay … well that she'd handle them) and watched him wave back and get in the car ready to drive off. Then she faced her mother with a genuine smile and said. "No mum, they are just as Robert said, friends who were able to take advantage of empty seats on the plane nothing more. So please don't pester them for answers they don't have."

As the stopped by the car she looked at both her parents and added gently. "Mum, Dad I know this is not what you expected. …But I love John and he loves me and that's **all **that matters. You need to understand I still want to keep things separate from here." she shrugged her shoulders as she admitted feelings that were partly true. "I suppose … I still feel a bit jinxed by my past relationships… and I don't want things to go wrong especially now we are starting a family… When I feel the time is right I will tell you everything."

Hank nodded understanding her fears and seeing she didn't want to be pushed … backed off … he knew better now, and keeping his thoughts to himself put the cases in the car.

In the privacy this gave her, Joan could not help asking as she took in the situation. "How far along are you?"

Meg smiled and said "Mum, I would not have thought about the possibility till I got back home from this visit. I only know because I joined a new practice and the Doctor did a routine blood check and it showed up." She then gave her mother a look she knew she would understand and said gently. "So please can we leave it and concentrate on Sara and Casey. How are they?"

As they got in the car and started off, Joan said with a slight smile and a tone that said everything. "You know Sara is going to be just as bad, she hates unanswered questions especially where you are concerned. She's at home waiting with her bags packed ready and counting the hours, and Casey is trying hard not to fuss her. I thought we'd go over there now if that's all right with you."

Meg settled in the back seat and exclaimed. "That's great." then added a gentle "Thank you." knowing things would be left for now. As for her sister yeah her mother was right she would be worse … and those questions would not stop just change form … unless of course the twins came … now…

Her father's voice broke her thoughts "Yes … well you know what the old saying is …" Meg smiled guessing at the one her father was referring to as he carried on in a slightly serious tone. "Well, just make sure you are comfortable with it. But, if it's not you know where we are."

She quipped back gently. "Thanks Dad, the bed was very comfortable actually." and smiled as she caught his expression in the mirror and heard her mother's spluttering laugh, then she carried on seriously wanting to know. "So, how are you both … apart from being shocked at my news and waiting for the twins?"

"Fine I think." Her mother managed to answer having caught her husband's expression and also realising in that instance Meg was no longer their 'little daughter' she was more. She was an equal and needed to be treated as such and added truthfully. "We still have our differences but they don't build up anymore and your father is definitely more understanding… not that he wasn't before." seeing his expression she chuckled adding. "Perhaps we'll talk later."

To which Hank nodded as he needed to concentrate on the traffic and could not defend himself as he wanted too.

oxoxo

Meg felt strange as she knocked on the apartment door, this used to be hers and now she was the guest. But then all those thoughts went as Casey opened the door to them.

As they hugged Meg asked. "How are you holding up?"

She felt and heard Casey's laugh as he replied. "Fine thanks. John keeping well?"

She gave a gentle laugh as she replied, "He's fine and sends his regards and hopes all goes well with the twins."

Casey let her go, gave her a glance with a smile then they walked into the apartment together. Meg looked over at Sara who was resting on the sofa, and slowly walked over to her looking round the apartment knowing all ties were gone now. It was Sara and Casey's through and through.

Her parents followed Casey into the kitchen to get the drinks and food leaving the sisters together for a private chat.

Meg could see Sara had no intention of getting up and could not blame her so settled herself on the seat nearby and having seen her double look as they first looked at each other said quickly. "Thought they might have had you in overnight."

Sara still looked at her sister and sighed. "I was meant to go in this morning, but couldn't do it so a nurse came out to check me over and pronounced me okay and I could stay." With a smile that reached her eyes she carried quickly hoping her sister would not ask any more questions. "Guess the condition must be catching. Mum and Dad okay about it?"

Meg laughed knowing her sisters tactics and said. "Nice try sis. Yes they are just about okay, no big scenes at the airport, hugs and quiet words. And yes I'm happy it's happened but I suppose in a few months time might have been better. So, tell me why you did not go in this morning. Last time I heard, which was yesterday's email you liked the doctor and were looking forward to freedom … well of sorts."

Sara looked back at her for a moment then sighed and admitted "I got worried about something going wrong in hospital."

Meg could understand the usual nerves, but this was obviously something more and she knew neither of them had had personal hospital scares in the past so prompted gently. "You've checked out okay, gone from strength to strength after the first worry. So it's not you, you are worried about."

Sara sighed; she knew it was going to bring up bad memories and explained. "There was a mum who had her baby snatched from the ward last week. It all turned out okay the baby was found after ten minutes and it never left the hospital. … I know it's silly … … but I keep remembering what happened to Ben while he was in there."

"Sarah?" Meg gently exclaimed horrified she should think of that.

Sara knew she was not the one really affected by that ordeal so she rushed on not wanting her sister to relive that episode. "I know it's daft because he recovered and he was your boyfriend not mine. You thought you lost him … and he looked so ill … and Derek snatched him. I know he's not around anymore and you're not likely to snatch the babies or me. But everything just got tangled up in my mind along with the hormones and things. So when I was called in I got there sat on the bed and bulked at the thought and demanded to come home."

Meg held her sisters hand and interrupted gently "Hey it's okay. You were the one who helped me through it … I didn't realise it all affected you so much. But you know the security has changed and with this other scare they will be really on their toes. So whom did you chat to apart from Casey of course?"

Sara smiled reassured by her sister's reaction and answered. "Casey was there, of course so was the doctor who was nice about it. He took us to a private day room and we talked, as he was new I explained about Ben, they didn't laugh at me which helped I suppose. He explained it was just a natural fear and I would have a personal nurse for the twins and they would be in the room with me if it all went okay if not they would be closely monitored. Also we could go home with a nurse as early as possible. He then had a chat with Casey and sent the nurse round to check things out and I go in late tomorrow morning or afternoon depending on her visit. Casey has a hotline number …as I say daft but I feel better now I've talked about it. So, tell me all about you and your condition especially why didn't you warn me by email I would not have told them." She smiled as she added. "Left that job up to you, kido."

The others came in with the food and seeing Sara didn't want her episode mentioned in front of her parents, Meg smiled and gave her sister's arm a gentle squeeze to tell her she understood. … She'd always thought she and Ben were the only ones who had nightmares after his kidnappings and stay in the Chapel of Rest.

She glanced at Casey then back at her sister and said. "Mainly because I only found out four days ago and I would not have any idea about it till I got back home from this trip. Before you get worried it was a normal blood check by my new doctor, who is very nice man, father of two teenagers. As I told Mum and Dad just now I still need privacy about John. Also contact will stay the same because he rests a lot after therapy, all calls are banked so he doesn't get disturbed, which means it's easier if I do the ringing. I will phone you Christmas Day and we can arrange times later." She eyed her sister and Casey and carried on. "So, now I need some ideas for your present re the babies and Christmas, though I've got Casey's and will give it to him tomorrow." and looked hopefully at them.

Casey smiled and put a hand on her shoulder and said warmly. "Something interesting and congratulations Joan told me, though I did think you looked well."

She smiled and said "Thank you."

Casey added. "We'll do a grab and eat rather than at the table." Then grinning at Sara carried on. "Tell me what you want and I'll get if for you so there be some left for us."

Sara huffed at him and exclaimed in a hurt voice but her eyes were smiling. "You know Sis he can be so unfair." Then deliberately ignoring her husband she asked Meg with a grin. "So what are you going to have for Christmas? I mean if you've thought of Casey's."

Meg laughed understanding her sister and got out the photo of Snow White. "John's I know what I want to give just got to find it. But mine from him arrived yesterday … her name is Snow White and I've only ridden her round the schooling barn."

"Wow she is beautiful but can you ride her now. … I mean..." Sara asked a she passed the photo round, which got sighs of appreciation especially from Hank.

"Yes for a while and then John's helper will ride her so she will not get bored."

Hank who had grabbed some food "She's from good stock … So he still needs what was it therapy rather than full care?"

Meg grabbed her food and sat beside Sara knowing Casey would not mind. "He still needs full care though he's finding he can do more himself. We are not sure he'll be able to walk yet if not they hope he'll be able to ride. Of course we would have ridden together but now I guess we will carry on using the trap, we have a driver as John can't drive and I've got my car for my own use of course." She stopped then seeing Casey had got her sister some food and got a plate of her own favourites seeing her mother must have prepared them earlier.

Joan had noticed the change in her daughter's tone and knew they'd got as much as they were going to get and as she got her own food she started off the ideas for presents, knowing the others would follow her lead.

oxoxo

Later that night back at her parent's house Meg sat quietly in the lounge pondering the evening which had gone very well, her parents had gone up to bed leaving her space to check her emails. Sensing they were settled she set the laptop and checked her mail, there were the usual junk mail and a couple that could wait till she got home nothing from John to say it had snowed so she decided to write to him.

**Hi Sweetheart**

**Everything is fine and yes Mum and Dad as well as Robert and Sara saw my 'condition' so I guess the sign is still there. They are pleased now they've got over the shock, been good about questions so far … time will tell … But they have accepted my feelings so far. **

**Sara is well a bit nervous and will go in late tomorrow morning; Casey is a bit like a cat on hot bricks but otherwise a very proud dad to be. Doctor has arranged a nurse to be with them if Sara wants to come home early. Given Casey your regards he sends his back as well as congratulations and is looking forward to the passing on as he puts it 'informative emails' should I be worried I wonder.**

**So far they have all accepted you are recovering from illness etc and understand that phone silence will continue. They loved the picture of Snow White and it helped to show them you care. **

**I expect you know we saw our friends on the way over hope they are over the shock and have not made too much of a mess yet. Also you are being kind to everyone as promised. **

**I will email with the news as soon as I can. … miss you, and love you always.**

**Meg**

"Meg!"

She jumped at her mother's voice and sent the e-mail then deleted her copy and closed her laptop down quickly, then faced her mother.

Joan watched her daughter's reaction puzzled and said as a comment rather than a question. "You really don't like any one knowing about John do you?"

For a moment Meg reverted to a daughter desperately needing her mother's understanding as she said "Mum please, he's my life and I want him kept separate from Sunset Beach that is all."

Joan came over to her daughter her voice told her daughter she was not moving till she had the answers. "No, sweetheart that is not all … I saw fear in you eyes just now … the same flash of fear I saw at the hospital when Ben was attacked. … … It was aimed at me this time but you know I will not tell a soul not even your Dad."

She gently put her hand on her daughters shoulder; she needed the answer to a question that had been going through her mind all evening. She had not broached it while the others were round in case Meg thought she had to lie to protect the man she loved. Now there were just the two of them she'd need not lie but if she did, she as her mother would back off but be ready to give her support when she needed it and said gently. "Your protecting him from us … this isn't a dying man's wish is it?"

Meg knew her mother could read her like a book most of the time and would need to know she was not lying. She also saw trust in her mother's eyes and understood her fears, she wanted to protect her from pain and smiled and said truthfully. "No Mum, this is not a dying man's wish. He's been very very ill and is recovering but we know how much he will be able to do. He is kind, loving and a gentle person, I'm sorry you can't meet him he can't travel. To be honest I don't like carrying on about illness never have done as you know. I am very happy and I promise when the time is right you will meet him and our child, but I don't know when that will be so I'll not pretend I do."

Her mother looked at her for a moment then smiled and Meg knew she understood her wish and accepted it.

Joan leant over and kissed her daughter then stepped back and said gently. "All right I will trust that smile of yours and hold you to seeing our grandchild sometime in the future."

"Mum I will bring him or her to visit if I can."

"Not the other way round."

"No Mum."

"All right I will not pry any more nor will your Dad. Goodnight Sweetheart and thank you for being honest."

As Meg watched her mother go back upstairs she realised that she might never be able to bring their child here if he or she took after John. She sighed and waited a moment then picked up her laptop and went to her room, in there her memories and future possibilities swamped her mind.

By the time she was curled up in bed her mind was back to her real home and drifting into sleep became a dream of snow across the valley and they were all in the apartment sat round the fire talking and laughing as a family.


	36. Chapter 36

**Chapter 36**

A knock on the door and her mother coming in with a cup of tea and the news that the twins were coming told her it was early morning.

She drank her tea and dressed feeling excited for her sister and Casey. When she got downstairs Hank was on the phone making sure everything was covered at the Shock Wave and Sunset Sisters and her mother was cooking breakfast. After food they made their way to the hospital waiting room knowing that Casey would tell them the news but wanted to be close all the same or in case but would not admit that part

With nothing much to say the three of them slipped into comfortable family silence, broken by Hank getting up to silently pace and sit again, while Joan sat and browsed the posters on the wall. Meg found herself back in memories of her other visit to this hospital when she'd held vigil at Ben's bedside as he lay critically ill after his kidnapping in the warehouse so it was not surprising she jumped when a familiar voice called her name and greeted her parents.

As she turned to face him she came back to the present day and the reason she was here and got up and smiling greeted him happily. "Tyus. What a lovely surprise."

He smiled and gave her a quick hug. "I was passing through" at her looks he in insisted. "No, really … I'm on my way to Seattle and thought I would drop in and see how everyone is getting on. You are looking good." then added with a twinkle in his eyes and a quick glance at her parents. "Umm just like your sister did, should I carry on or is it a secret."

Meg chuckled and looked over at her parents who were quietly laughing and said. "They know, something about being farmers and me looking good." Tyus chuckled and nodded as she carried on. "I'm fine thanks and very happy, Sara's in there with twins anytime soon. I was going to ask Stacey for your home address so I can send you a card." As soon as the words popped out she regretted them, he would want her address and she could not give it, she was going to post everything via Robert or Mat.

Tyus nodded noting the fleeting look and decided to give her a way out. "That will be nice. I'll write it down and I understand from gossip you are reluctant to give out your address or details of this lucky man John. So I will not ask you for yours, just know I will be thinking of you and if you advice you'll have the address."

She took the piece of paper from him smiling, he was so understanding and said. "Thank you. You all right?"

He looked briefly towards the clock on the wall and knew he had to move. "Yes everything is fine and so is my lady thank you. I'm going to give a speech on my research lots of other doctors and researchers just waiting to pick holes in it. Then a dinner then sleep while listening to other researchers and doctors, followed by a little walk round the city before flying back home."

Meg gave an understanding smile and he admitted. "Yeah I expect the walk round the city could be the most interesting part. If you see your old friends give them my regards. I had better move as I promised to check in on a couple of Doctors and one of them should be free now. I'll hear how Sara gets on through the grapevine but give her my love."

"Bye Tyus, I will." She decided she needed a drink told her parents and went to find the coffee machine down the passageway.

Part way down she stopped as a voice called her name.

She grinned knowing it was going to be like this all the time now and greeted the caller. "Hi Bette and before you start no comment, they have not arrived yet and I was just going to get some coffee."

Bette laughed adding brightly, "Good try Muffin but you don't get rid of me that quickly as you know!" then her smile reached her eyes as she looked Meg over. "Well that little rumour is right … you look great and happy so the baby is obviously not a mistake. I'm glad for you and the lucky man" she dropped into serious mode and asked looking past her hopefully. "Is he here to face Hank?" then added. "The coffee machine is this way and I'll help, some for Mum and Dad no doubt."

Meg could hardly stop laughing hearing the hope of a story in Bette's tone as she mentioned Hanks name. She knew Bette knew better than anyone how protective Hank had been towards her, as she had used her as a friend when she had no one else to turn to. She also knew the trip to the coffee machine would be Bette's way of trapping her into giving information. Yeah it was Bette at her best, bubbling with curiosity and sensing a story in the air. No she would not get away from her very easily this time, managing to contain her laughter and said with a hint of seriousness counting them of on her fingers as she did so, "Yes, yes, no he's not here or hiding at their house and thanks for your help but no story."

Bette gave an exaggerated sigh with her voice and a wave of her arms but it did not reach her eyes which sparkled with fun, that was one thing about Bette she was bubbly even in defeat. "Oh … come on Muffin … just a small bit for Moi!"

Meg smiled and shook her head letting her voice tell her friend there was no pushing her this time. "No Bette … John has nothing to do with Sunset Beach and that's the way I want it."

Bette nodded understanding her limits had been reached but gave one last question gathered from bits she had heard from friends and the fact he was not here. "But he is all right I heard he had been ill."

Meg was alarmed Bette was still pushing and she knew about his illness and Tyus had found out his name so what else had drifted out, she hid her fear in a tease by exclaiming. "You know! … this place has way too many ears. Yes he is recovering … Now! How are you and Annie?"

Bette knew a brush off and accepted it at least she knew mystery man was recovering and that was good. "I'm happy and Annie is going to get her fingers burnt, I saw her with another guy a few days ago told her to watch it and that Jude will not be a nice guy to cross. But, then again he should know her by now, enough people have warned him and she does know his past and job."

Meg shook her head remembering Annie of old never happy with what she had and said. "She never took any notice of Ben's warnings."

Bette nodded and said wisely. "Ah but Ben was too much of a gentleman to play dirty … Jude on the other hand will and get away with it. Talk of the devil."

"Oh! Look who's flown in from Kansas!" Annie bitched as she joined them.

"Hi Annie just got off your broomstick. … Must've been an all nighter from the bags under your eyes. " Meg replied sweetly.

Bette looked on with a smile as she helped sort out a tray and cups, it was nice to see Meg stand her ground with Annie and the claws stayed verbal.

Annie smiling looked at Meg letting her eyes travel to her stomach and said pointedly "Hear you got yourself into a little trouble!"

"No trouble at all and Sara's having twins doing fine thank you." Meg said with a smile and then turning it into a very innocent one and looked over at the posters on the wall advertising the clinics and said gently. "You being here implies you're the one with a little trouble or possibly problem. Especially as I **know** you've been playing away from home." and added in a sigh. "You know candid camera can be such a bitch."

Annie who was just going to make a snide remark looked shocked while Bette looked puzzled knowing Meg had only been home a short time.

Meg looked at them both then back to Annie and with a soft laugh which made her softly spoken words sharper explained. "Try the empty shop next to the clothes arcade, big posters showing everything. And Annie I do **mean everything** frame for frame so everyone knows what you've been doing, where and with whom. Opps!"

Horrified Annie spun round and sped back the way she came with Meg's gentle laugh following her.

Bette said quietly "Muffin is it true?"

Meg took the tray after the cups were filled and said. "Oh Yes in glorious colour …skin colour actually … surprising where they put cameras to stop crime these days. I don't know if it was Jude but I can't blame him if he did. … I had a funny feeling the park is a public place as well." Starting to walk back to the waiting room she added gently. "Bette it's her problem not yours … how is AJ I hear you are going on a trip in the New Year?"

Bette smiled at the mention of AJ and knew Meg was right Annie had stopped being her problem long ago and walked beside as she answered her. "You're very good at this aren't you young lady. … I'll have to watch my job if you ever came back to stay … Yes only a short trip over to Europe possibly the Mediterranean as AJ wants to look up some old friends" She gave a lovely wicked smile as she carried on. "I don't like a cold bed and I'd miss his company. … Well there's your Mum and Dad so I'll have a quick word with them if you take yours and give me the tray then I will leave you in peace." She at looked Meg with genuine friendship and added gently. "You take care of yourself and your mysterious partner … he's very good for you no matter what people say."

Meg nodded and watched her go regretting she could not tell her the truth she would have been so pleased and Ben missed her like he missed Casey.

She drank her coffee watching them talk, taking in the comings and goings of staff and people and gradually letting her mind drift to John and Paul, … wondering if they had driven the others or each other crazy. Sometimes they could be like children teasing and playful other times they would chatter putting the world to rights. Mind you, put Val and Jackie together and anything could happen in a fun sort of way. She tried to imagine the apartment with the extra door … they reckoned it would take most of the day so that should keep them quiet. Yeah in a noisy sort of way and if it snowed … umm she hoped not … it would trap him inside the apartment and he hated that.

A lot of bustle brought Meg back to the present, realising that Bette had left and half an hour had gone. And it was a beaming Casey who was the cause of the bustle as he announced Susan and Mark had arrived yelling their heads off, a good weight and health. Best of all Sara was fine wanting to see them and if they were good they could all go in together.

Of course they would be good…. after receiving their congratulations to Meg's surprise Casey left them saying he would be back in a moment but they were to go and find Sara … which they did.

When Meg entered her sister's room and saw her lying in bed leaning against the pillows with a huge grin on her face she could not resist the comment. "Guess you're pleased that lot is out then."

Joan and Hank gave a chuckle as they went over to the two little cots while Meg went up to Sara, she could see the tired lines in her face but her eyes were sparkling and her voice very happy as she answered Meg's comment with feeling. "Oh yes, sore but happy … no operation thank goodness. Yeah I know they will be twice the trouble now, but at least they will not be kicking me every five minutes, especially not in the kidneys. You okay with the names."

Meg chuckled and said gently. "You know I am. Susan was so close to you and as for Mark he was a good friend I'm glad they are both remembered. Where's Casey gone."

Meg glanced over at the twins as Sara answered. "He's gone to get Father Antonio. Don't get worried I wanted to have them named and blessed while you were here we will have the christening with Godparents in the Mission later on."

Meg looked back at her sister and was genuinely touched by the idea and said. "Thank you that's nice, they are so small and beautiful hey, blonde hair the pair of them!"

"Hey now don't you start, it can darken, you know Mum always said you had blonde hair to start off with. So what's been going on in the big world out there?"

They all laughed at that and Meg brought her up to date about Tyus and Annie, which made her laugh and wince.

After a while Casey came back with Father Antonio and they had the blessing and a quick chat then her parents left with Antonio. Meg stayed back watching as one of the twins woke up and Casey gently picked her up and handed her to her, Startled but pleased Meg took her gently … she found the feeling amazing… the baby seemed so small and fragile yet she could feel her strength knew she was not fragile and realised in eight months or so time she would be holding her own baby. She gave a gentle sigh and as she handed her over to Sara she said gently. "Everything will be fine Sara you know that don't you."

Sara laughed remembering her fears and looking down at her daughter, who seemed content just to be held, knew the only thing she wanted now was to get her family home … her main anxiety was gone. She looked at her sister with a deeper feeling and understanding and said gently. "Yes and thanks for listening, I know Mum and Dad would have fussed, you kept me steady." She looked back at her daughter and said. "Hope to be out sometime tomorrow or even earlier if I'm good and they are of course." Then she looked back at her sister and asked. "So what are your plans?"

"Mixture of buying presents, finding friends as well as finding something special for the four of you."

Sara gave her a wicked smile and added "That sounds good … Mum still all right about you and John?"

"Yes she's fine now I've reassured it's not a dying wish on his part."

Sara gasped and exclaimed. "Oh that was creepy." then added gently. "You know I have not seen you this happy for a long time, and I know it's not just because I'm okay … I'm glad he's good for you." then added having her sisterly insight. "Will we be able to see the baby or will that be difficult."

Meg knew she needed some truth and said. "When he or she is old enough to travel perhaps but, you know what life is like. Now any ideas on presents before you rest."

"Nope no idea, just find something different." She said with a tease and then added seriously. "Grab something you like from Sunset Sisters from me; someone will put it on my bill. We've got lots of new things in."

"Okay then … one elephant coming up." Which made Sara and Casey smile; Meg kissed them and gave the twins a last look before leaving. She already had Casey's Christmas present as John chose it, the rest would be a little harder and as for their family present … oh yeah inspiration in hidden corners and a lot of walking no doubt.


	37. Chapter 37

**Chapter 37**

Meg had an enjoyable lunch with friends, they'd whooped congratulations to her as soon as she saw them and after that it was gossip and plans for Christmas between mouthfuls of food, which of course led to how to get their presents to her. That was easy Robert had promised to play postman and drop them off in either direction and as it meant no postage on either side it went down a treat. Though, remembering his wicked smile as he suggested it, she wasn't too sure whether it was a threat that he would 'drop' them off without landing or he thought it was a good excuse to see John again.

Now as she walked along the beach watching windsurfers memories of their walks and Ben windsurfing surrounded her. This was meant to be a short break in which those elusive ideas for presents would spring to mind. She'd been in a lot of shops hunting for them found a couple but she needed more including Sara's and the twins. She wondered if her friends would really mind if she cheated and went to Sunset Sisters, she was after all a visitor in the town so could claim she found them more interesting than the ones from home.

The thought of home made her mind jump to John; she was going to pop back to her parent's house a bit later when she knew they would be otherwise engaged and send him the news about the twins. She sighed remembering the tiny beings and could imagine his smile as he read the mail. And came out of her musings on hearing a yell of delight, laughter and chatter further up the beach and saw a family group flying a kite which soared on breeze showing off its beautiful coloured streamers.

She recognised his figure immediately and realised his yell of delight had brought her out of her musing and consciously thought his name …Ben. She knew she'd had to get used it as she like the others around watched the happy group. He was carrying Sammy and Maria was helping Benjy with the kite and glancing on round she smiled as she spotted a certain couple on the pathway filming the whole beach scene so no one would notice that they lingered on the family group. It was a good; they were a happy family group enjoying time out, she unconsciously nodded to herself and then not wanting to disturb the family made her way up the beach and across the road back into the shopping area, determined to find something… not too sure what … but something.

She drifted around some more shops, chatting with people and bought some more presents and a couple of things for herself but not the ones she really wanted … those elusive ones for Sara and the twins or her parents come to that.

Walking into Sunset Sisters she saw a new assistant at the till, that was okay she would be left in peace for a while to browse. She started looking and idly wondered what to do when it came to 'buy' her gift from her sister and spotted a beautiful red rose bud in a paperweight. Yeah, that was a must for John from her and beside it was one with a white rose bud … that would be hers from Sara then she nearly chuckled out loud there were some other bits and pieces she really could not resist. Gathering all the things she wanted in her basket she looked around and pondered about the 'till' problem. She couldn't just walk up to the unknown assistant and say 'Hi I'm Meg Cummings; Sara your boss is my sister and said I could put this on her tab … now could she…

Her thoughts stopped and the problem was solved as Emily came in and spotting her smiled and exclaimed "Wonderful news about the twins Meg."

"Yes, they are beautiful and Sara is fine and champing at the bit to get home. She said I could take something from here as a present from her and to put it on her tab. I'll pay for the others now as it will be easier."

Emily laughed and walked over to the till as she answered, knowing doing it the other way would mean paperwork. "Okay if that's the way you want it, but I'll give you the staff discount otherwise Sara will kill me." Seeing Meg's smile and nodded she carried on. "This is June our new student, I think Sara is carrying on the tradition of using students as slaves. Are you staying long?"

Meg gave a nod in acknowledgement and as she handed over her basket of goods said. "No just today and tomorrow. You and Sean keeping well, I know Bette is I saw her at the hospital getting news."

Emily smiled expertly dealing with the till. "Yes we're still together and fine thanks." Letting June do the wrapping she and Meg sorted out the cash and as she handed over Meg's change added. "Have a good stay."

"Thanks I will. Good luck June." Meg said as she gathered up her bags ready to leave and with a smile she let Emily hold the door open for her.

oxoxo

Needing to find that extra bit of inspiration for those awkward family presents that still eluded her she decided to walk along the beach. That was a good idea but her mind went 'flit about' instead and compared the differences between her new and here… she found she missed the sea and the space it gave her, which was strange because she'd never been to the seaside before coming here and had loved the countryside back on the farm. She walked and gazed out to sea wondering if she could somehow bottle that 'something' so she could take it to John because he'd been by the sea longer than she had so he must really miss it…

A child calling her caught her attention so she stopped and watched Benjy come running towards her with his family closely behind.

When he got close she greeted him with a smile. "Hi Benjy getting ready for Christmas."

"Yes thanks, how's Sara." Benjy asked between gasps.

Ben and Maria caught up as she answered. "She's fine, so are the babies, Susan and Mark." She looked at the couple and commented amazed at the change. "Gosh Sammy's growing fast, how are you all?"

Ben shifting his daughter into a more comfortable position, so she could see what was going on and answered a bit breathless. "Fine thanks. I see you've been buying. I've tried selling Sammy twice but not takers."

Maria laughed at Megs questioning look and explained. "He means charity auctions and of course he out bids everyone each time and everyone knows he will, luckily no ones pushed him too high. You're looking good and I hear you are starting a family as well."

Meg laughed, things certainly got around and rested her bags against her legs realising they would stop and talk a while. "Yes, everyone seems to know and I've only just found out myself."

Ben gave a chuckle as he said. "You're blooming and that smile is well and truly back. I'm glad. I suspect you'll be with the family tonight but it would be nice to see you at The Deep. I assume your here for a couple of days is John with you?"

"You're right I expect I'll be with Sara tonight. John's not here and I'm going back late tomorrow as Robert is taking his friends back." She was surprised how easy it was to be near him, there was not under current like there was last time and as she looked at him she realised there was real deep pleasure in his eyes just like there was with John when he was really happy.

"I heard he'd been ill I hope it's not too serious."

She heard the genuine concern in his voice and answered truthfully without any hesitation. "John's steadily recovering thank you."

"Good and no doubt your news will help him. I don't know if you've heard, Maria's exhibition will be open in a few days time. We've got one of the famous artists to open it and give support to some of the newer locals."

"Yes Mum told me but I'm afraid I'll be gone before then opening. I hope it goes well for you Maria."

"Thank you." Maria smiled and suggested, "If you've got five minutes I'll let you have a sneak preview. We can take the short cut through the arcade; Ben will look after the kids."

With real interest Meg answered. "Yes I'd like that thank you."

As she started to gather up her bags Maria said. "I'll take a couple for you Meg. See you later Ben there's food in the fridge if Benjy wants a treat."

With that the group broke up.

oxoxo

Meg let herself into her parents' house and put her bags and jacket on the chair and table glad she had decided to take the taxi from the Gallery. Her arms and legs would never have lasted; she filled and put the kettle on then found and plugged the laptop into the phone line as her parents were still out.

Maria's tour had lasted longer than five minutes but it had been good and she'd found it easy to chat with her about the exhibits. There had been an easy unspoken understanding that neither talked about their home life, and for a while she found herself in the easy friendship they had before they knew about Ben and his relationship to them both. As they'd passed out through the shop part of the gallery, which sold materials for paintings etc she was pleased to see it was busy and caught a glimpse of Mat going through some arty things and saw some shopping bags and knew his trip had not been wasted.

She checked the mail and found nothing interesting so clicked on new message and wrote.

**Hi Sweetheart.**

**Been good to everyone? … … Good.**

**Sara beat the doctors to it in the early hours of the morning, so no operation. **

**Okay … she started early and finished late morning … ummm ... Left Casey to that bit.**

**Twins Susan and Mark arrived yelling and healthy; Saw them … handed Susan to Sara… new Mum and Dad are proud so are the grandparents. Antonio did a family naming and blessing which was nice. There will be another one at the Mission which will include Godparents etc fairly soon. **

**Everyone knows about me and my 'condition' talk … about bush radio more like fire or wind. Yeah that's right they all saw it! Surprisingly it's taken all the pressure off me everyone can see I'm happy and leaves me alone … no more questions. **

**Well one mainly … how is John and I say recovering and they wish you well. **

**Saw the other family and they are fit and happy helping Benjy fly a kite. Maria took me round her gallery - good exhibition so is the shop part. I can understand everything now and agree with it totally. **

**My friend Bette said she is very happy for me … says my mystery partner is good for me. Yes she is her usual bright bubbly self and is very happy with AJ. **

**Well kettle has boiled and doorbell is going, so will I. See you in my dreams tonight.**

**Love Meg**

She sent it and deleted the copy then closed the laptop down and answered the door and exclaimed in surprise. "Mandy! Jack. Come through into the kitchen, I'm getting a drink want one?"

Jack did an impersonation of a panting dog as Mandy said with a huge smile. "Please. Jack's been doing his lets hunt out the odd places, and I know you wanted a special present for Sara. Well there's a shop on the outskirts selling furniture and they make rocking chairs, I'm sure they'd love to have one to rock the babies off to sleep in. What do you think?"

Meg laughed she could see them sitting in the lounge looking down the garden it was a wonderful idea. "I'll have to get two one each otherwise there be arguments." Then she became serious "How much I cannot use my card here and Robert might be a bit miffed if I used the works one for something that big."

Mandy took a sip of her coffee then said. "Robert will not mind, he knows it will be cleared by you as soon as possible. He did say you could use it so why not. I was also thinking we can put on one the plane for you." Jack was shaking his head and smiling as his wife spoke he knew what was coming from Meg's expression.

"Two for here I could get away with but three Mandy!"

Mandy chuckled. "No, sweetheart we will buy the third as a present to you and John and don't worry it will clear though Boston as well."

Meg knew when she was beaten and she could even see herself sitting in one in the apartment and said with a smile "Okay"

As they drank they exchanged stories of the day and were interrupted when Hank and Joan returned home. This meant more chatter and at the mention of the rocking chairs it was decide they'd all go together … after all Hank had transport a new people carrier to try out. They got over the third chair problem by Mandy explaining it was for their daughter as a kind of hint … that nearly creased Jack and Meg up in fits of laughter.

The so called drop in chat ended up in a meal as well, the group finally breaking up when she and her parents went to see Sara and Casey having dropped Mandy and Jack off at the hotel first. Meg was really pleased how things had turned out; she knew Mandy and her mum would get on all right. As for her father and Jack well she could see a bond growing. She knew he'd missed the farm though never would admit it. As soon as Jack had mentioned horses her father's eyes had light up and his voice had showed excitement and there was no stopping the pair.

oxoxo

The house was silent and it was dark outside and Meg knew it was late she should go to bed. They'd spent a special time with the twins and new parents and when they'd taken Casey back to the apartment they had sorted things out and discussed what to do tomorrow.

Now her parents had gone to bed leaving her as her mother said some quiet time. She knew what her mother meant and looked at the laptop and decided she would check it.

She found one with Paul's mail address and trying not to worry, she opened it and did a quick scan in case of bad news then sighed and was slightly pleased that she would see more of the twins and read the rest.

**Hi Sunshine**

**Hate to tell you this we are snowed in.**

**A lot of the stuff and trees are blocking the main road up the top and just the white stuff is on the road into town and needs to be cleared. I don't know if I should brag but our part of town is not too bad. **

**I think you have an extra day, especially as there is a storm warning as well. Have told Robert, no doubt he will check and decide. The wind is bitingly cold they say it should lose its chill sometime late tomorrow … I hope so.**

**I did try to be good … honest.**

**Paul and Val still in one piece, two pieces …. if you know what I mean, so are my carers in case you were worried. **

**Shep sends a tail wag or two. **

**Hey, managed to drive the carriage for a couple of feet! … That will take longer than I thought perhaps spring would be better! … We did it in the barn not outside, though the drive has been swept clean and I do mean clean! **

**Goodness knows what HE said to his men before he left but they are the ones who did after each flake came down. **

**Unfortunately my chief carer blew up when she found out (the barn thing not the drive thing) trust her to walk in at the wrong time. Even poor old Sandy looked guilty as she yelled - just as well Sandy's not a spooky horse or we really would have had fun. **

**So my other carer and I are in the doghouse. (Umm that would be the apartment right as a dog lives in it.) Anyway I'm grounded till she's happy about my back; think she just likes the power as back is fine. As for my other carer he's on kitchen duty … poor lad. The other one … she could not touch, as he's a guest.**

**Door is working much to Shep's delight and before I got grounded manage shuffle with sticks in the garden but not much and worried guest as I zoned on him. Opps. **

**Guess I missed your special touch and I'm going to need that 24 hr guard. My carer caught me if you were wondering … well he's good at that.**

**Not surprised everyone could see you were blooming and we did warn you. **

**Last but no means least glad twins and Sara therefore Casey are fine. Guess we'll have to have another name if ours if it is a boy Mark one and two might not go down very well … at least we have a while to think about it. Glad our friend was happy I miss her.**

**Miss you as you know. See you soon and in my dreams. SM.**

She could not believe he tried to drive the trap, but then again Paul was around and he could wake up different ideas in John. Perhaps they thought he might do that rather than walk, but if he zone out in that. She could well imagine him being a 'little' awkward he hated being grounded by Jackie, but then again the others would be around so that should ease the pressure. She liked the idea he'd managed a shuffle in the garden and the door worked as well. But he'd zoned out on them that could mean problems or it could mean he was cold, perhaps they should add another stove. She reread the last bit and smiled at the SM for Soulmate and suddenly wanted him desperately but she knew she couldn't and cleared the mail and closed everything up.

As she changed for bed she felt that more peaceful longing for home, she knew everything was all right here, that everyone knew she was okay with her knew life and she knew everything was all right back home. When she finally slept she dreamt of home in the snow.


	38. Chapter 38

**Chapter 38 **

The extra days made all the difference for Meg, she wrapped and exchanged some Christmas gifts and promised to send others later. She had the fun of seeing her sister and Casey's delighted reaction to the rocking chairs as well as seeing them used. She also watched as Casey introduced the twins to their new room though they would be in their parents' bedroom to begin with so Sara could feed them easily at night.

As they mucked in to help under her mother's and Casey's watchful gaze she helped 'change' and bath one of the twins. Then another time when she had a camera in her hand she had the chance in spite of giggles film Casey getting sprayed as he 'changed' Mark. She knew it would not be the last time either, during other times she marvelled that these twins had snuggled insider her sister, it didn't seem possible now. They squirmed around so much and could sound so loud and desperate when they made their needs known and yet could also so be so peaceful and still when asleep. She also notice there was a different quietness when they were awake and just wanted a cuddle with those dark eyes watching the person doing the cuddling. Of course it often ended in a gentle nuzzle for food regardless who was doing the cuddling and a cry when nothing came forth.

She enjoyed family chats about their future plans for Sunset Sisters and the Shock Wave and sometimes about nothing in particular making her feel really part of the family again. She stored all these memories up so she could revisit them at a future time and didn't contradict them when they assumed as Sara could not travel she would not either, and was pleased her mother didn't say anything about her visiting for the birth. That bridge would be crossed later, for her part she enlarged on the things she'd emailed them and about her jobs and how she found her new bosses and was pleased they didn't push about John at all.

She didn't realise they didn't need to push; they saw her happiness in the way she talked about the things she could talk about and that made them happy. They also accepted that far away look that came in really quiet times when she'd been left on her own for while and stood looking out of a window and was brought back to them by either a quiet word or a cry from the twins.

Then they got Robert's call that they could go home in the afternoon. That meant the overnight bag had to be packed, the rest of the luggage had already been put on the plane. There were hugs and a few tears in the apartment and promises of emailed pictures of the twins etc. Her parents though knowing she hated airports farewell insisted on driving her there to meet Robert and to say goodbye to Mandy and Jack … she could not refuse them that.

oxoxo

At the airport it was a flurry of hellos and goodbyes and as her parents hugged and kissed her goodbye they reaffirmed the fact that phone calls would be still one-way but to Sara's apartment making them a family occasion. Reasons were understood and accepted and in an emergency this end Robert would be contacted. Joan lingered her goodbye and took her daughter to one-side and with all the love she could put into words reassured her she was happy for her, even if she didn't agree with not being married or fully understand the reasons for the secrecy. Meg found she could only smile and nod her understanding, and fought back the urge to explain all.

At Robert's gentle call she left them, watching her as she went to the plane. She got to the top of the stairs and looked back and waved to them then went in and found her window seat. She looked out the window and watched them get smaller as the plane taxied to take off.

The others in the plane left her alone ready to be there for her when she needed them. They all knew even if she didn't fully realise it herself she was saying a final goodbye to Sunset Beach and her past there.

oxoxo

The flight plan showed they were going to Boston with stops on the way. No one would know whether they were fuel pick ups or passenger put downs or just weather stops. Anyone asking would set off warning signals that Robert had set up and if they got triggered he knew what to do.

In spite of the weather warnings the flight was a good one and Meg found she dozed and daydreamed till Robert's conversation brought her back to the present. She spotted snow covered countryside and realised they were nearly home and had not gone to the other airport first and concentrated on what was being said.

"Yes, AJ reckons Casey is a really good worker. As there are different ideas about conservation we'll just have to wait and see what happens." Robert realised he had Meg's attention and asked. "Your parents all right after the shock I mean?"

Meg smiled "Yes thanks, Mum jumped to the idea that Jack and Mandy were John's parents, which gave me a scare." She smiled at the couples expressions knowing their feelings towards John. "She also thought the baby might have been John's last wish but I convinced her otherwise and Mum and Dad have accepted I love him. Of course it helped the twins were fine. In chatting Dad dropped thoughts of putting a manager in the Shock Wave, which could free them up a bit for family duties. I suppose. … A lot of it will depend on the alterations being finished for Christmas and how trade picks up … might make it easier for them to move on to a new project somewhere else." She sighed and added. "This feels like a big game of chess with people as the players it's so creepy."

"Trouble is it's like Derek's game." Mandy said quietly.

"Mandy No!" Meg exclaimed horrified by the suggestion.

Mandy explained gently. "Derek used to play with Ben's life all the time Meg, planning his next move for him with or without his knowledge, sometimes with threats or punishment if he broke the rules. Of course the rules changed all the time and Ben did not necessarily know that either. You could say the only difference is we are trying to get your family reunited safely. Have you thought what we do if Casey or Hank don't take the bait and leave Sunset Beach? "

Meg was silent for a moment taking that thought in then said slowly. "We live separate lives as I might not be able to visit if the baby takes after John." It had been easier to say that before the twins arrived and deny the fact she knew what John felt about her leaving her family behind.

Mandy said gently understanding Meg's hesitation. "John wants you to have your family around you … especially as you will be having their grandchild, Sara's niece or nephew. He sees pain on both sides."

"Then we tell them the truth." Meg replied quickly, it was so obvious.

Robert said equally quickly. "Then they will move … and on mass …and immediately … possibly unwittingly telling Derek something is wrong."

"No, they could stay a while, move slowly." Meg insisted.

Robert started more forcefully. "No, Hank will n…

Mandy seeing this could get a bit heated butted in calmly "Let's wait and see shall we. I hope those roads are clear Jack."

Jack understanding the change of subject smiled as he answered. "Of course they are, after all chief is back in town!" then added darkly. "If not, traffic and car park duty for the lot of them!"

They laughed knowing Jack was a good officer to his men and as the plane taxied to a halt Jack exclaimed. "Oh look they've got the people carrier and a truck for us!"

Robert chuckled "Guess your reputation gets around Meg."

"That's not fair!" Meg exclaimed trying to look hurt but their smiles caught her giggle button and her laugh was infectious.

After they'd unbuckled and started to get ready to leave the plane, Robert handed Meg a piece of paper adding. "Give regards to John and here's my list of dates for a visit, remember I'll even be Father Christmas for you."

Meg managed to control herself, at the thought of him down a chimney, enough to reply. "I know you will and I'll let you know when."

She gave him a hug and a thank you then it was organised chaos as the things were transferred to the van and they got ready for the drive back home.

From the people carrier she saw the plane taxi back out and fly off, amazed that she could have found such a friend, and then she silently corrected that … to group of friends as they were all like that.

oxoxo

The journey from the airport was uneventful and she enjoyed the peace that snow always brought to the countryside and for a while she was back on the farm in winter. Because they all knew driving on snow-cleared roads could be difficult they let Simon do it in peace, that was after he had reassured them the hotel was still standing and John had not left town.

They turned into the drive down to the apartment and light out side the apartment drove the winter darkness away Meg saw John's mail had been right the snow was cleared right down to the stables. She smiled, the door was open and he was leaning against the wall watching them. She guessed the driver in the van must have radioed they were coming; Simon hadn't had the chance too. Also Jackie would not have allowed John out in the cold for long. As they came to a stop she felt her heart do a flip and held her breath because he stood away from the wall, … he was standing tall and in a suit reminding her of her 'old Ben' and not John who was always looking at the next hurdle to climb and wondering if he could do it.

Mandy's exclamation, "Wow! He is gorgeous Meg!" brought her back to where she was and took a breath and smiled in agreement.

Jack said quietly to his wife "Down girl he's already taken." and ignored the fact she had said the same about the twin when first seen on the beach. He noticed though there was a lot of love in her voice this time, but that was okay he knew she regarded this one to be an adopted son as he did … and yes he certainly had an air around him now. He also realised that they'd not seen a lot of him trying to walk, they'd given him his privacy, knowing he would show them when he felt confident or when their daughter gave the okay.

"Oh, that does not matter one bit, Jack." Mandy's voice was soft and sexy and made him looked across at her. She smiled at him, eyes bright with love and teasing, knowing he would understand. Yes he did … to some woman it would not matter and that could be problem and slowly his smile joined hers.

Still smiling and her heart doing another flip Meg got out the car, ignoring the byplay that was going on between the couple. Knowing it was built on their own deep love, and the hours they'd watched over John in the very beginning.

The gentle breeze made her realise the biting cold wind had dropped and she could hear music coming from the apartment. It sent shivers of love down her spine, it was their song. He opened his arms in greeting as she got to him and she noticed the glint in his eyes and the smile … it was his special one meant only for her. Then she found herself enveloped in his hug and felt a kiss on her forehead … she was home.

She eased back slightly, making sure he could gain any support he needed from her and looked up at him and said gently, knowing her face radiated all the love she felt for him. "Guess you missed me then."

She heard his soft, "Oh yes." as she took in his gentle strength and scent and they slowly danced together in the light to the rest of the song.

The warmth from the heaters placed near the door helped them forget the cold and snow, the dance was swaying to the music with very small awkward shuffling steps going nowhere rather than actual dancing steps. But that was fine by them because all that mattered was that they were together enveloped in their love.

oxoxo

Back in the people carrier, the three looked on and saw the couples love as they greeted each other.

Jack broke the silence with a sigh "Now, that's made it all worthwhile." then asked. "How is he Simon?"

Simon and Mandy knew what he meant – and silently agreed. Then Simon reported. "Hated every minute she was away but covered quite well. I slept on the sofa as the nightmares came back but I guess they will go now he's got company. Didn't go into himself as we thought, of course Paul and Val being there helped. The door is in and Val brought an early Christmas come birth present of the stairs and a promise to help design upstairs. The stairs should be finished tomorrow when they put some carpet on the lower treads, the space upstairs will be left as wooden flooring for now.

When we went to the Club one of the mornings he was very edgy, he didn't say anything but I wondered if he's been having flashbacks of some kind there. As you can see he's shuffling well, walking better using the crutches. He can't go any further outside as he zones out and does the same in the garden, I caught him so he didn't hurt himself but as it worried Paul and Val he has not tried it since. We'll have to bear that in mind for the future."

He gave a slight smile as he carried on. "Don't know if Meg told you that he tried driving Sandy and the trap in the barn." He got looks from both of them and said defensively. "It was only going to be a few feet in a straight line, and if we hadn't done it he would have tried on his own. Anyway Jackie put her foot down and we are taking riding very slowly as well, she is insisting he takes afternoon rests but he's had to forget those as the workmen are noisy.

Paul and I have had little chats with him and we've come to the conclusion he's not too happy about manipulating everyone's future muttered about becoming his brother … but we also know he wants the family here for Meg's sake. … So he's torn and I think you'll have to convince him it's really is okay." He smiled and finished. "Yep think that's the lot."

Mandy said quietly with a smile. "You can have my job if you like." catching his expression and added. "Okay I guess I could not pick him up if need be … but you are right about the nightmares easing now Meg's back. I won't say gone because I know he still had them.

Flashbacks … umm that could account for his quietness and edginess, he might not even remember he's had them. Just the sensation they leave and that would be disturbing in itself, could have put him off talking to me about it as well. Although I like what I see of Derek now … I can't help thinking that the old Derek had a trick or two for his brother at Christmas. After all it was meant to be his brother's last one and the completion of his own 'big plan'." She sighed seeing her husband nod in agreement and added, "I just hope we can cope with it when it comes to the surface. … Well let's leave them to it. … Love, can you get our cases please?"

Jack chuckled as he said. "They were in the other van getting the front door treatment! We'll store Meg's things till later. Are you going to eat with us Simon?" Knowing Jackie would automatically be included.

"Yes please then we can hear all the gossip, I know Jackie was hoping you'd suggest it. And it will get me out of kitchen duty!" Simon said as he opened the car door and got out, missing Jack and Mandy's chuckles and knowing looks.

oxoxo

The music stopped, they kissed and then John led her inside knowing Simon would bring her things later and their meal was cooking.

Meg was a mixture of bubbly love, excitement and intrigued because as they 'danced' he had whispered about a surprise being inside but nothing more. She noticed once they stopped dancing he'd got his crutches and as soon as they were inside he got into his chair and wondered if that was because he felt like she did. He did still get tangled in his mind, as he put it, and he'd just dance with her outside and that was a first.

She exchanged silent 'hello' smiles as Jackie quickly shut off the heaters and went to her apartment, telling her this was their time together, their chatter would come later. Feeling that rise of excitement over her love she looked over to where the new door would be and saw a staircase and a table in the alcove that the new staircase made and exclaimed. "John, you've managed all this!"

John smiled, her excitement was infectious and it carried in his voice as he stated the obvious. "No. Paul and Val with her workers did, they should finish it tomorrow so you'll see them then." He eased round to see her and took her hand as he continued. "To say they are delighted with the news is an understatement and the stairs is their joint Christmas come baby present to us, though they were made in kit form when the barn was originally converted."

He let go of her hand knowing she would want to look and continued. "They thought it would be nice to have them put in now rather than later when you would need your rest or our baby was around. It is safe to go up but don't be fooled it just one large room with a bathroom above ours, so you can run mad with ideas."

As she looked back at him he added with gentle seriousness. "Thought we could bung the kids up there as well as the guests, let them fight amongst themselves. … More important though how are things with you."

She laughed at the thought of kids and guests together and then said honestly. "I'm fine, happy to be home, no sickness at all, guess I'll have that joy later. Oh masses of photos and a video of the twins and the rest of the family. They send their love and congratulations." At his expression added truthfully. "Really! …they can see I'm happy and in love."

John raised his hands in mock surrender and she giggled and said. "Mandy and Jack have brought us a rocking chair for when baby is born. I got Sara and Casey one each so they will not squabble and they loved them so did the babies. So, did Mum and Dad but they can get their own, I've also brought you a present from Sunset Sisters I'll give it to you later. … Can I look upstairs have you been up at all?" looking up the stairway.

John gave a laugh at her bubbly excitement and wondered for a second if he said No, what would happen. But he would never say that unless of course it would hurt her so with a gentleness, which would calm her slightly said. "Yes you can look and no I can't because I've got to walk on flat surface properly first." And then he could not resist it asked. "How many planes did you use for your stuff this time? I know Simon asked for the truck but I thought he was joking."

Meg tried to sound hurt he should say such a thing but failed, she was just too bubbly. "Just the one and the rocking chair was Mandy's not mine it was flat-packed so it will give Jack something to do and curse about." As she started up the stairs she eyed him and said softly. "Love a cup of tea if you can manage it" she added as she went out of sight. "Go with the cakes I spotted on the table!"

She heard his chuckle as she stopped at the top and as she walked into the large room she felt a rush of air and fur gently brush her legs as Shep joined her. She knew he'd been watching them from his favourite place in front of the fire, and had no doubt been told to stay by John and had just been given the release command.

Looking around the large empty area she ignored Shep who'd stopped in front of her in his 'come play' attitude with tail wagging furiously. Getting no joy out of her he bounded for the far corner and went to sniff any new smells from his last visit. She walked across the room feeling the space realising how light it would be in the day time, like downstairs the window gave an all round view. Though dark she knew it would be across the hotel lawns and out across the valley. She stopped at the end and looked out she could see the stables and the start of the bridle path before it disappeared into the woods. She smiled and turned back and called Shep as she started to walk back towards the stairs, hoping her cup of tea would be ready. Just before she got to the stairs there was a rush and thumps as Shep bounded down the stairs in front of her, at the bottom he came to a halt did a quick turn and looked back at her, panting and his tail wagging as though asking for another go.

Meg laughed as she came down the stair and said. "No you can't."

At which, Shep ran over to his usual place and lay down watching her with his huge eyes, but she was not going to be persuaded by that look, so she turned to her attention to John and smiled at another pair of dark eyes looking at her … how did he do it she wondered.

She knew it was a huge silent hint so walked over to get the drinks as he could not manage them and they made their way to the lounge area as she commented. "It's huge and a beautiful view. But you'll never realise the space with the walls up and the furniture in. … Was there a lot of Jack's things up there?"

John smiled at the question, while tossing up whether to slide out onto the sofa or stay in the chair, he decided to stay his back needed that extra support and he knew Meg would understand. They could get close either way and dropped the big-eyed look but kept the gentleness in his voice loving the fact she was here. "It was only a few boxes, which are now in the Lodge, getting the best room service and comfy floor to sit on."

Meg smiled at that picture and made herself comfortable beside him as he carried on. "We'll decide about blocking up the joining door later. …The door into the garden works nicely we put a pad on the floor rather than a button to push thought that might be easier with a pram or whatever, we'll go out there later or tomorrow the stove is on tick over to keep the chill off. So give me all the news was Mandy needed at the airports?" He asked with a grin.

"No." Meg giggled and then had a quick sip of tea, she always loved his tea, she could never make up her mind whether he made it different from everyone else or it was just because he was next to her. Then took another just to confirm the feeling and leaving him hanging, his dark eyes followed her so she decided to carry on, or she would giggle in her tea and that would spoil it.

"Okay … Robert knew as soon as he saw me so I guessed Dad would. Robert sends his regards and a list of dates for a visit even offered to be Father Christmas he said it was his right as adopted uncle." John laughed and nodded. "As for Mum and Dad" she smiled as she carried on. "They were shocked but okay … … Mum saw how happy I was … so did Dad perhaps he half expected it … … I mean I did say I was in a relationship when I saw him in September."

She looked at him looking at her and said with real feeling. "You know you can be infuriating in your silence and those dark eyes of yours … … Okay so they said something about being a farmer so could tell immediately. … … They wanted to know a bit more about you but I reminded them I was there for Sara so they backed off. … By the time I left they were happy for me. … Of course they said I was welcome home at anytime and they assumed I would not be able to travel till after the baby was born."

She could not resist another drink of tea and as she took her time over it John had his and then she carried on. "They got to know Mandy and Jack; you could hardly stop Dad and Jack talking about horses and farming. Mum and Mandy I think ended up comparing notes about cooking. We settled Sara and twins in the apartment, which was great fun and I know Mum and Dad will be spending a lot of time with them. The new ideas for the Shock Wave are on time and Dad's thinking of putting a part time manager if they want more time with the babies. The twins are adorable, small and healthy although Sara adores them she was asking about the shop before I left so I think she'll be back there even if it just coffee calls while walking the twins."

Smiling she got a piece of cake, and 'eyed' him so he opened his mouth and as she popped it in and asked with a cheeky smile. "What about you I can see shuffling and walking better what about elsewhere?"

With his mouth full of cake he was pleased for the excuse to stay silent for a moment; he selected a piece and fed her as he replied. "Here is fine but not at the club or outside too many splinters." Reminding her of the first time he tried to walk. "Jackie is still in control of course, I like being on Sandy but still only allowed to walk him around the barn once, just as well really as I get stiff … the cold seems to affect me … must be getting old."

Meg smiled was going to make a comment but he carried on and his tone of voice changed. "Seriously it's good you're here ... I know it must have been hard for you to come back."

That last remark and his tone surprised her; it was John back rather than the confident Ben she saw earlier, so she answered quickly but honestly. "In some ways it was easier because I know where I want to be and I'm not going to lie I will miss the twins and family. … But I know we might be able to bring them here eventually, lots of other families live a part quite happily that's okay by me. … They will be sending us email photos and no doubt videos will be sent via Robert and I can do the same back if we are careful. Let's run through the photos then I would love to see the door work before we eat, I must not forget to tell them I've arrived back safely. What about Shep though won't he keep opening the door?" She got up to find a few photos she had put in her bag the rest were in her case, the last few days were anything to go by they would be the most photographed twins ever.

John looked across at Shep who was looking very innocent as he lay watching them. "No he's been told not to and so far he's only gone to the door on command. I guess we could nip out there while they unpack the truck … umm perhaps not, we might not be able to get back in." He added looking at Meg with a slight smile.

Meg poked her tongue out at him as she handed him her present first.

"Oh! Too near the mark then." John teased while he unwrapping it.

She chose to ignore that remark while unwrapping the other one and putting it on the table.

He held his paperweight in his hand looking at the red rose – which was frozen in the act of opening for the first time, so some of the petals were not fully open but all were new and unblemished with age - he looked back at her, his eyes were dark with emotion and the smile was for her alone.

"I knew you would understand." She said gently, he nodded and placed it beside with the one with the white rose as she carried on. "Technically Sara gave me that one."

John gave a very gentle laugh and took the photos she handed him; she snuggled up close to him as he looked at them. She pointed out Susan and Mark so he would know who was who. There was the full range of all the family with them as well as them by themselves but it was the one with Sara and Casey with the twins that he stopped at and found his voice though it cracked as he spoke. "Gosh he looks so proud, … they both do. They are so beautiful. … He's so lucky."

"Sorry this must be so difficult for you." She said gently.

"Yes and no … at least I can see how happy he … they are. We will bring them home love I promise."

"There's no hurry, honest." She said leaning her head gently on his shoulder and as he went through the photos again she gave him a potted history of what went on just before or after they were taken.

This was interrupted by the timer sounding off telling them that the meal was cooked so they got the meal ready and over it she filled him in on everything that had happened and all the latest gossip. Then after clearing the things away and with a lot of huffing because Meg enforced Jackie's written orders that he not only stayed in the chair but was wrapped up in the blankets they went out into the garden via the new door.

With Shep rounding them up till he decided he needed a longer walk and went out via the stables they walked round the garden looking at the new lights and night-lights that showed up the plants. The stove gave off just enough heat to take the chill off and as she walked round Meg felt that being home feeling settle, she knew this was where she wanted to be, her friends and family were safe and happy.


	39. Chapter 39

**Chapter 39**

"Meg."

His voice started to break through but Meg didn't want to wake up so answered sleepily "We'll stay on the beach and see Mum and Dad later Ben they won't mind, honest." and snuggled closer into his body hoping he would agree after all he must be just as comfortable as she was. She was enjoying his warmth and could hear the rhythm of his breathing and his heart as they lay together on the beach. …Oh yes she was way too comfortable to move just yet.

"Meg, sweetheart, I really need you to wake up." John said with sigh as he was slightly amused by the fact she had called him Ben and hoped her dream was a good one. But, he needed her to move and her snuggling closer had not relieved him of his problems, so there had been urgency in his voice as well.

The tone of his voice brought her consciousness up another level so that her dream was forgotten as she realised she was in bed with John, and that earlier he had had an nightmare and although she had talked him out of it he could be starting another one. So, still sleepily she raised her head slightly not wanting to lose the feel of his body or her cosiness and reassured him gently. "It's all right John I'm here, you can sleep now. It's only a dream." and prepared to snuggle down again. Fuzzily reasoning he was not going anywhere because his arm and leg were under her as she was tucked into his embrace; she was his anchor as she had been earlier so he would be all right.

She felt his sigh and a gentle but very insistent. "Meg! Please wake up!"

As the words ended there was a gentle thump on the bed just behind her shoulders closely followed by the bedcovers being moved as a wet cold nose nuzzled firmly at the base of her neck just between her shoulders along with a whimper.

The shock woke her and she knew there wouldn't be any peace, also that Shep was quite capable of finding his own way out and how dare John use him in this way and she exclaimed "That's unfair! " as she moved enough to look at John who was looking at her.

In moving she released her weight off his arm but he still could not free it and with a gentle shortlaugh he explained. "Shep's doing not mine …but I would like my arm back … though it's gone to sleep … and my leg back as I need to move."

"Oh!" Meg exclaimed realising his difficulty and carefully shifted herself.

As she did John moved his numb arm and asked innocently. "Should I be worried about this Ben bloke you were snuggling up on the beach before seeing your parents?"

Meg looked at him surprised and tried to think back to the dream and then smiled remembering it and said. "No I don't think so."

"Oh good … I don't think we actually did much snuggling up like that … more like chasing our tails."

Meg thought for a moment and smiled "No, we did not … but we do now."

He looked at her and said softly "Umm you've got a good point there." then added. "Thank you." and kissed her, she returned the kiss knowing his 'thank you' was in regard to his nightmare he had earlier and that would be all he would want to say about it.

Shep whimpered putting his head on his paws, which were still resting on the bed.

Meg broke from the kiss and shifted round so she rested against the pillows and looked at Shep, who looked back with big eyes and his tail wagging like mad, and she exclaimed. "You! Can let yourself out!"

Shep slunk down off the bed then sat in the passage looking dolefully at her … his tail still wagged though.

John gave a short laugh and smiled in spite of pins and needles shooting up and down his arm as the feeling came back and said. "He's missed your attention."

Meg gently shook her head and smiled then looking at Shep said. "Okay … Come on!" She found her robe and got out of bed and called back to John. "So he let himself out in the mornings."

John eased himself into the chair, which was beside his side of the bed and started to wheel himself over to the bathroom and answered. "No, Simon let him out as he slept on the sofa, that is Simon slept on the sofa not Shep, and he'll be in soon as I'm feeling creaky."

"How come?" Meg asked wondering when he had summoned Simon.

He turned towards her and explained. "I buzzed him while I watched you sleep. It's nice to watch you … guess I'll be doing that more often over the coming months, as you take afternoon naps instead of me." He added with a very gentle loving tease.

She smiled at that remark and nodded and watched him turn back and carried on walking remembering the other times she helped him get dressed and their occasional showers together. He was still slow and needed help, help that she could give him as he was more mobile, other times though he needed that extra help from Simon.

As she reached the dinning table there was a knock on the apartment door she knew it was Simon, so checked to see where John was. As he was already in the bathroom she pressed the smaller button on the end of the table to let Simon know it was all right to come in.

Shep nuzzled her hand so she smoothed his head to tell him she had not forgotten him then pressed the button to open the door and watched Shep run out. The sun glistening on the snow in the paddock tempted her to follow but the burst of cool air reminded her she was not dressed. Simon's morning call broke into her thoughts she smiled and waved to him; knowing he would sort John out and she ought to get dressed as Jackie and the others would be around soon.

oxoxo

As she got dressed she knew she would have to get used to their shadow couple again, she thought back to her freedom at Sunset and realised it was no different from here really. They were just like her parents being around when needed. Instead of giving her attention Simon and Jackie gave John all the attention he needed, which was fine, especially as the winter mornings seemed to make him slow even though the apartment was warm. She wondered if the dark evenings gave him a feeling of wanting to hibernate till springtime or memories or perhaps he was trying too hard and too much all at once. She gave a silent chuckle sometimes there was no telling him …

Shep's bark from outside brought her back here and now, she sighed he really wanted pampering this morning. He could let himself in … granted it was harder than the table button but he could do it. As she walked towards the door she idly wondered whether the dog followed the master or the master followed the dog in temperament or mood today. Smiling she opened the door and was greeted by Shep bouncing in around her legs so she gave him attention and saw Val and Paul coming down the drive. She was telling Shep to go to the towels to wipe his paws dry as Jackie come in from the apartment and John and Simon come out from the bathroom, she smiled talk about timing.

Paul came in just ahead of Val and with a smile and laugh went over to Meg gave her a hug and as he let her go he effused. "You know you could have knocked me over with a feather. You are looking fantastic. … Well done!"

Meg laughed and said cheekily "Do I get a gold star then."

Paul laughed and stepped away and took his coat off as Val laughing came up to her and hugged her "No but he took the words out of my mouth. Great news for both of you!" She let her go and carried on "We'll go up stairs after breakfast to get some ideas I can feed into the computer programme I've got back at base then I'll send you a copy."

She gave Paul her coat and they started to make their way over to the dinning table when John called out. "We're going to eat in the garden area."

Jackie looked at John ready to object

He sighed and insisted, "The room is warm enough ... stove's been on low all night and we put it on high and can cook on the barbecue."

"Okay." Jackie sighed knowing 'that' tone and understood his friends were around and Meg was back and she was not going to fight it, just had to make sure it didn't go too far. She immediately went to the kitchen area to grab the things they would need when the door to the apartment opened and the kitchen maid came in with a container of food and a jug and looked across at Jackie and asked. "Where do you want the pancake mixture and food?"

John grinned and answered for her, "In the garden room please by the barbecue."

Unthinking Jackie said as she put things on the counter for the others to take in, "Barbecued pancakes I thought it was the mother who had fads not the partner, John."

There was a giggle from the maid as well as smiles from the others.

"Barbecued pancakes are nice Jackie." John answered innocently knowing full well her mind was not really connected at the moment.

"No they are messy and you don't get much to eat." Jackie stopped at the louder giggles and looked at the maid who was walking past her into the garden room.

"Umm Jackie … you use the frying pan." John said trying hard not to laugh but his eyes were twinkling with amusement. Simon failed holding his giggles completely.

"Well even I know that John!" Jackie said exasperated suddenly realising what she'd said, she started to smile at him as she huffed. "You are so unfair when you're in this mood!" then looked over at Meg with a smile. "Glad you're back he's all yours!"

"No quite." John said quietly knowing full well Jackie would get her own way one way or the other.

Ignoring that comment Jackie picked up some of the things, while Val and Paul who managed to get control of themselves picked up the others and started to make their way to the garden area.

Jackie stopped and looked at John as she remembered the message from the hotel receptionist and said. "Simon and Stephen are needed for the riding school and carriage so we'll have to reorganise things for today and possibly tomorrow."

Getting serious John nodded and said "Okay, so we'll chat over breakfast but we can eat either here or at the club. Meg will be at work we've done it before."

As the maid came out of the garden room to return to the hotel Jackie said quickly "Not a word about Meg to the others."

The maid smiled and nodded, as she past Meg they had a few words and then left with a laugh and a nod.

Jackie gave the area a quick check to make sure she had everything and went over to the mat and called back at Meg. "I've got everything just bring yourselves." and walked into the garden area the doors opening smoothly for her.

"We'll be a moment Jackie I need Meg to get something." John called out so Jackie allowed the door to close.

Meg walked over to John as he said "Simon can you get my crutches for me."

Meg wasn't too sure what was happening because John had wheeled himself nearer the mat so she followed his lead. Simon came over with the crutches and hooked them on the back of the chair in there rests, then stood beside the front of the chair.

Twigging what might be going on she guessed he was not quite as creaky as he made out this morning, just needed a quiet word with Simon. It was obvious he approved as he was helping and would risk being in Jackie's bad books again and asked gently. "John should you do this?" she could understand why he wanted to do it – he needed to prove to Val and Paul everything was all right. He had to be confident he could do it as well … she knew Simon and Jackie were his safety net and she well his extra boost of confidence.

John looked at her and nodded.

She saw that extra confidence and remembered last night and said. "Okay, but use the crutches no going solo."

John smiled and said. "Compromise I use your shoulder then once in the room I'll use the crutches I promise … I know I can do it."

She gave a gentle laugh and moved to his side and gave him a gentle reminder. "Remember you've got to pick your feet up no shuffling."

He gave a gentle laugh and nodded then got up with Simon's help. Once steady Meg felt Simon take the chair away so she could get close to John and felt his arm round her shoulder, it felt right and comfortable. She put her arm around his waist and felt his hand gently take it away, he did not need her total support this time, she knew Simon would be close with the chair and crutches and would move in if needed.

When she felt he was ready she said gently. "Right."

And got his gentle and confident reply. "Yes, thank you."

She felt the uneven pressure on her shoulder as his moved his first step; the mat was level with the floor so there would not be a step up at all just the roughness of the mat. By the third step they had a rhythm and were on the pressure pad so the door opened.

oxoxo

Val was laying the table while Paul was cooking the eggs and bacon, Jackie was dealing with the pancakes and looked up as the door opened, she was just about to make a comment but stopped seeing what was going on. Val looked round and gasped it caught Paul's attention so he looked up as well and felt a little concerned then started to smile.

Meg could not help smiling at their reactions, she knew John was managing as the rhythm was still there and they were moving slow but sure. Once clear of the door Simon parked the chair and got the crutches and came close to John who as promised slipped one on to his arm and used it but did not stop using Meg's shoulder as the other one which was fine by her.

Jackie huffed. "There's no stopping you is there?" there was a gentle reprimand in her voice but she was smiling realising how important this was for him.

Meg felt John relax as he said. "Burnt pancakes."

"Hey! No talking. If you must walk." Jackie snapped back still smiling then returned to concentrate on the pancakes as she added. "You'll sleep this afternoon though."

Paul gave a gentle laugh and went back to looking after the bacon and eggs; Val smiled and watched for a moment then went back to sorting table and drinks. Meg could feel their pleasure as they kept an eye on their progress towards the table; Simon still shadowed them to their warm corner as they called it.

This was made by the wall of the apartment and the extension as well as the thick evergreen hedge, which ran the length of the garden. It was light as the sun shone through the clear roof, which helped keep the cold out. The stove, which was nearer to the garden area than the table, provided some of the heat … the rest was from the gas barbecue, which John had erected near the table, while she'd been away.

As their progress was slow and steady by the time John made it to his chair, which was now by the table the food just needed to be brought to the table. Once John sat down they all started chatting, Meg saw he enjoyed the teasing congratulations from Paul and Val and knew they would go away happy. While this was going on Simon and Jackie brought the food over to the table and everyone started to take what they wanted. Jackie quietly slipped a blanket on John's legs in spite of his quiet protests that he was in the warmest place so it was not needed. Meg gently put a hand on his hand and he accepted defeat, though when she looked into his eyes she could see he was extremely pleased with himself.

She smiled as she tucked into her breakfast, their promised walk in the garden had turned out to be something very special and she knew Jackie would make sure he was very careful how he did things for the rest of the day and the future … yes that looked good.

Over the meal they talked about the changes to fit in with Simon and Stephen's new commitments and Meg gradually realised that John had had to fit in with the others rather than the other way round, as it had often seemed to her. As for her own plans for the day, she knew she would have to say goodbye to Paul and Val fairly soon as she was due back to work by half ten and they would be going back home as soon as the workmen had finished carpeting the stair treads.

oxoxo

Leaving the others to tidy up the breakfast things Val and Meg went with Shep up the stairs to the large room above. As she saw it in the daylight Meg realised she loved this large space and the views, they both laughed as Shep ran between the two of them and then round the room, through her laugh Val commented. "You know John thought of having beds along both sides of the room and a row of trees up the middle. He said it would cater for everything … kids on one side guests on the other and Shep in the middle." Val shook her head with a smile and added coming over to Meg who was laughing at the thought. "I told him it would not work the trees would grow upwards and downwards." She sighed and finished, "Okay sensible ideas then."

They leant against the wall for a moment Meg shook her head trying to get John's idea out of it, she looked at Val who smiled and laughed. "I know …batty idea. It's good to have you around Meg."

"Thanks." Meg knew she was talking about their friendship, which had grown up from her visits to Paul's office.

Val carried on tentatively "Paul's going to sort something out so you don't have to travel so much."

Meg smiled and with a sigh exclaimed, "Yeah! … John and Jack have already got me driver. I guess I'll have to get used to it."

Val gave a gentle laugh "Just push occasionally but I would not want anything to happen to you on that journey. It can get pretty hairy up on the main road even with the trucks clearing the road."

"Umm I surprised you're still here."

Val nodded understanding the reference. "Paul put his foot down and sorted out a shadow carer, when they complained he said that at the moment if I dropped down dead they would not have anyone. Which is a horrible thought but true so they've accepted someone in who is there at the moment hence me not having to dig through the snow drift to get to them."

Meg smiled "Good. So Paul has his uses then."

Val chuckled and said softly "Oh yes."

"And the wedding."

"Oh that will be springtime … hopefully we will manage to get both families together. Trouble with having big rich families they are all over the place and get shirty if they don't get an invite."

"Never mind you'll work it out. You know Sandy and carriage is available for you when ever it is."

"Thank you I'm only sorry you can't attend … Paul's looking into the idea of having it on the Internet so any relative who can't come can see it and don't get shirty."

"Wow so we can watch ..."

"Oh yes me trip down the aisle." Suddenly horrified Val whispered. "All those people watching."

"You'll be fine, it will be fine." Meg said with a giggle and a smile remembering her own so called wedding.

Val also smiled guessing what she was thinking and said. "Yes well less said about that the better. … Right if I put the measurements of the whole space in, panels which can go across in either direction with door measurements as well as things to go in the rooms and types of flooring as well then you and John can play with it."

"Thanks I think we'll have fun with that … Oh you' better put the prices in as well." Meg said with a smile and Val nodded. "I guess we should go back to the ordinary life. Your lads have arrived."

Meg took one last look out the window over looking the stables then walked with Val cross the room to the stairs; they could hear general chatter below. Shep had left them earlier as soon as he sensed or heard the door open downstairs.

oxoxo

Meg sat in front of the computer screen mulling over her day.

After the excitement of the morning she found it fairly easy getting back into routine. That was after everyone had greeted her like a long lost friend, got out their horror stories of the snow and listened to her sketchy tale of her trip home. Eventually though she got buried with work much to Tony's amusement and gentle reassurance that there was no rush and if she needed time off she was to take it. Finishing time she'd left the office with promises to arrange a girl's night out before Christmas, thinking it again she realised it was going to creep up on them very quickly, and she still had presents to get John's included. Since this morning she had an idea about that one, but needed to know if it would be all right to do it.

She smiled as she thought about John and their early evening together perhaps that was where she would start. She could leave Sara's mail for another day as she'd sent a one liner, yes she would just do Robert's and slipped the disc in and started.

**Hi Robert**

**Thought I'd let you know that you can be an early Father Christmas if you wish. If not then the first date after the New Year is fine by us. Bring Susan if you wish and John will leave it up to you how much you tell her. He needs discuss a plan of action with you so I guess Jack will be around as well. We will arrange to have a ride down to the waterfall by carriage if it's not too cold.**

**Yes it was like coming home 'big time' and today has been a fantastic day more of that later. (I like teasing you.)**

**Mandy showed John the tape of the 'family', what is being done to the homeless shelter and other things he had an interest in as well as a general talk about life - all this was in private during the afternoon. Needless to say he had my version of the holiday the night before but hearing it from Mandy I think confirmed things. (We by the way had a reasonably good night as well.)**

**I came home from a lovely day at work (lots of work and chatter) and found him very quiet because of the above but happier in his mind that he is doing the right thing. As you know I also agree in spite of the fact justice is not going to be done regarding the loss of our friend and the others. I know John will not fully ever get over that but I think our friend would enjoy the fact that good is being done, and the children are loved and will not suffer because of the past. **

**It was nice to see John smile as he talked about the kite flying on the beach. I would have loved to have been beside him when he first watched it but perhaps it might have been too much for him. He is still a very private person in spite of everyone around and sometimes I forget that. **

**Now he wants to sort things out as to how to make the reunion possible. I have told him that time does not matter but I believe he has seven to eight months as a goal and it must be their free choice even if they do not know the reason behind it. Confusing I know, but I also know you understand.**

**He coped well while I was away but no doubt you will chat with the others about that … our friends gave us a staircase as well as the door into the garden. **

**We saw them this morning and had a bubbly meeting and breakfast in the garden (the covered garden, with heat so we were fairly warm). **

**Yes we had our walk in the covered garden and I mean walk and it was wonderful. I would have loved to have, watched him but I was part of his support, instead I saw the wonder on our friends' faces and that was good enough. He even remembered to pick his feet up and not shuffle … granted he needs help but he managed without zoning out which pleased us all. As for the rest he will be restricted to the apartment till he can walk properly and it will be regulated. He has ridden but that is only walking and once round the barn not outside but it is a beginning and I know you will be pleased. **

**I do not think I can ever thank you enough for what you have done or what you will be doing in the future, those two words do not seem big enough but again thank you from both of us**

**With a smile on my face I ask another favour … the matter of his Christmas present … I know so unfair … but I need your advice.**

**Let me explain … I gave him something near the beginning of our relationship he loved and cherished it but it was taken away from him … his brother still has it and wears it. Sort of trophy I suppose. John has never spoken to me about it or had it replaced, at the moment he does not need one … his carers are his time keepers and to be honest I am a bit scared to ask him because it would bring back bad memories of how it was taken away from him and he has enough of those at the moment. Even me thinking about it at the moment gives me goose bumps that is why I will not mention its name only it was old and engraved … I think I loved I as much as he did. **

**Should I give him a replacement or I find something completely different and wait till he really needs one. **

**I hope my idea about the girls Christmas 'do' was a good one if not I guess it will be a disco in the garage and the adults out back by the pool. Remember to invite the neighbours then there will be no complaints. **

**I must go and will see you soon. Don't push yourself about FC we can come to other arrangements if need be. **

**Thank you.**

**Meg.**

After watching it code and go Meg started to close down the other files leaving the mail one till last, only to have it beep just as she was going to close it. She smiled as she saw the mail was from Robert and looked at the time and realised he must have sent it earlier so it would not be an answer to hers. She opened it and read.

**Hi Meg**

**Hope you are settling back into a routine and John has been all right … thought you might like to know what went on at the beach today. Sara might not have the full story and the papers if they print it will blow it up into one of 'those stories'. **

**I was there for part of the time as I happened to be chatting to AJ and Bette when Ben came along and asked for our help. Nothing bad I promise. **

**As you know Annie was found out and Jude threw her out and she disappeared till today. I know you and Annie had words about the photos don't beat yourself up about the out come. Just remember in some cases you have to reach rock bottom to start coming up. **

**Annie was in quite a state (I don't mean through drink either) and ended on the wrong side of the railings at the end of the pier. **

**I think Jude thought she was bluffing; only Ben saw past her façade and stayed the full 2 hours in pouring rain. Having said that Jude was the one who raised the alarm by contacting Ben on his phone and stayed with Annie for about a quarter of an hour before Ben turned up. **

**During that quarter of an hour Ben arranged for a lifeguard to be in or on the water in case the worse happened, as I said were chatting so Bette, AJ and myself were put on guard duty half way down the pier to keep on lookers off. Maria was also around but she had the children to look after. He made sure the other services were further away and out of sight. You know what SB is like when things like this goes down. **

**He also realised that Jude would not win whatever he said and talked to him before he talked to Annie whatever he said Jude stayed with us and talked … he accepted Bette and AJ's advice. (As you can imagine we were all pretty wet by the time it finished.)**

**I don't know what was said between Ben and Annie but I do know she now has a ring of carers to help her and she is willing to accept that help. (Not her usual show of acceptance this was real.) **

**She has accepted that she needs to speak to a doctor and one of Ben's choice (actually I had given him the name of a very good doctor from out of town who will be willing to come and see her not matter what time of day and he has never let a patient down yet. He is old enough to be her uncle so perhaps will be the father figure she needs.) Ben is to be her mentor, best of all she is back with Jude … I think they do both love each, they thrive off the challenge they present each other and hopefully that in turn will bring some stability rather than put downs she has had in the past. **

**Once she is over this soaking she will be working back at the Gallery (she will have part of it to run rather than taking orders from Maria and Tess) and she knows she's got Bette's love as well. I think the fact that they all waited for her and no one laughed at her made when she came to us finally made her realise they are her friends and will not dump her as she has been in the past. And it is time to stop kicking against the love and friendship they provide.**

**I know it will be a long haul but perhaps there is hope she will steady down and find happiness. I will watch from the sidelines and help if need be.**

**I have this strange thought about Ben though … whose memories and experiences did he draw on to help her. Whose ever they were I believe he will be there for her in the future as the other Ben was there for her in the past. **

**On that thought I will leave you and I hope to hear from you soon.**

**Robert.**

Meg printed it off deep in thought, she knew John needed to know about Annie for all the pain she was they were friends and she found the fact his brother was willing to help her out very creepy. She sent a quick acknowledgement off not really knowing what to say she was in two minds about Annie after all she had hurt her and yet she wanted her to find some kind of happiness, perhaps so everyone could relax and get on with their lives.

She packed the computer up for the night and went back into their apartment meeting Jackie on the way.

"Meg John's resting he's finished with the inhaler, hopefully he'll not need one in the morning."

Meg smiled "He only coughed once."

Jackie laughed "Yes but he did yesterday as well so I thought we might help his immune system out after all he's managed to keep it at bay and go out."

"So he should be all right to go out in the morning."

"Yes if it's not too cold. Night Meg."

"Night Jackie and thanks."

oxoxo

She went over to John who patted her side of the bed his voice was a bit husky but his eyes were bright along with his smile. "Anyone would think coughing was against the law. … How are things you were up there a while."

Meg smiled and handed the print out watching him carefully as he read it. He was quiet for a moment then looked at her and said thoughtfully. "I suppose he's the right one to do it really."

"John" she said slowly, not quiet understanding him.

He gave a slow smile put a hand out to her and she snuggled next to him as he started to explain. "He knows how I feel about her through my memories … when he decided to take my place he took on my responsibilities … she was one ... and a bit like him … lost … only he twisted the wrong way. He knows how she feels … can give her that extra special advice that I could not. … Perhaps she just had not reached that rock bottom before."

His dark eyes met hers as he carried on gently. "He's lost his obsession so can help her that way as well … but hopefully not as drastically as he did with me. … Annie's been looking for that special love … need … cosy blanket to be wrapped up in. She feels her parents failed her, especially her father and there's the fact they never got to fight it out properly."

"Because of his murder?"

"Yes before his murder she had an idea which could have worked with his co-operation and some of my money but he turned it down. Then he was murder thereby robbing her of the chance to finally prove who she was to him. But even before that she was kicking against both her parents … I'm sure if she was a man she would have been with anything in a skirt and got one pregnant and then stood by the child to prove it would not be deserted or treated as she was. … But as she is a woman so could not do it without taking that big step of getting pregnant herself and she could not risk that commitment or being let down again.

She chose policemen in uniform because they were meant to protect society, people in distress but no one protected her so she was kicking against them as well. Though she loves Bette, she was her father's sister and just as flightily in love as her mother and herself … perhaps now Bette has AJ and settled down she will help Annie settle down … the proof it can happen to someone in her family. Jude seems to have the character to keep her attention and hopefully their love will strengthen."

He paused for a moment then carried on with a gentle sigh. I'm glad Maria is standing by her as friend and workmate. I don't suppose it helped things when I chose Maria over Annie not that I ever thought about Annie in that way, she was always a friend. … I could see what type she was and knew to keep clear." Then he added with a smile. "You never know it might just work."

Meg said quietly "You like her."

John laughed gently with memories "You must admit she has guts and life was never dull when she was around."

Meg laughed "But some of her schemes."

"I know." He pulled her close and kissed the top of her head; she shifted round and smiled at him then snuggled up for a proper kiss.


	40. Chapter 40

**Chapter 40**

It was quiet in the apartment and Meg was meant to be taking the opportunity to give her sister quick email before John and Simon came back from their ride. She had to smile it was still just once round the barn but Simon and John had come up with new ideas to make it take longer. Such as walking Sandy to the stalls then remembering they had to use the platform to dismount so had to walk back out again making an extra half loop. She had sympathy for both sides of the story John was finding it easier than walking and wanted to join her when she was on Snow White. But they still needed clearance from the specialist for longer rides and he was not due till after Christmas. He had said take things very slowly so John did not jar or strain his back or his legs. They all knew minor injuries could be treated here at the apartment but anything that needed an x-ray would be a hospital trip and that was fraught with danger for him so they had to use caution, which meant Jackie had to be strict and that brought it's own frustrations.

She glanced out the window and knew as it was fairly mild today so Jackie might let him watch Shep go for a walk as well. At least John's snuffles had not turned into a cold and as Jackie said she being very brave and was letting him out more, that had led to a dark look from 'the patient', which had them both giggling. She sighed wondering if his dodgy immune system was finally getting stronger and it was only the cold weather that was affecting his energy level.

Sipping her tea she realised Christmas was tomorrow and so many things had happened since her trip home. Granted John was still using the crutches but he was walking not shuffling anymore as that short garden walk had boasted his confidence. Then there was their new carriage and Simon had driven them down to the Waterfall for a special 'tryout' treat while Jackie rode Snow White, Meg had to admit they suited each other and Jackie really enjoyed it. They had sat in the mouth of the cave with mugs of soup with a fire going to keep off the chill and looked out at the waterfall watching the mini rainbows in the cascades of water as the light changed.

She knew that was becoming a special place as it changed in subtle ways every time they visited and so far each time had been good and could hardly wait to see it in spring with everything coming out in bud. Then of course other people would come and visit, although they owned the land the public were allowed to visit and they had made it more accessible with the repairs to the bridle paths. Mind you, you had to go by horse or walk, no cars or motor bikes and the road to the waterfall itself was not too well marked and the path down was very steep. So, perhaps there would only be a few people but if not they could retreat to their other special places in the garden at the hotel and come when they knew it would be quiet.

As she took her empty cup over to the kitchen area she gave a gentle chuckle thinking about the presents that stood round the tree on the table in the alcove. When they discussed Christmas decorations John had told her that she could chose them and where they would go. So she chose just a few around the alcove area with the young tree in a pot so it could be planted out in the woods and some on the dining table. To do the whole apartment would be way too much it was so big, as for the presents some had travelled right across to Boston and back. She sighed knowing Robert had been disappointed in not being able to play Father Christmas, he'd had to cancel his part as one of his stepdaughters had been taken seriously ill and was recovering which meant the Christmas disco he had been dreading would become a New Year disco. So Matthew had brought the presents when he had visited Paul and they had a wonderful evening catching up on all his gossip, then he'd gone on to Seattle to drop off hers for Robert to deliver, which included hers to him. She'd taken Robert's advice about John's present realising he would cherish whatever she gave him.

Her stomach gave a gentle rumble so she went back to her laptop and found her bag of sweets and took one out with a smile; they were the ones her sister had recommended when she was expecting partly because she had a craving for them and partly because they stopped her feeling queasy. Well she didn't have a craving for them nor the queasiness but she liked them and the link they gave her to her sister, she also knew not to tempt fate and just enjoyed them. They were not available in town so she and John found a supplier from the net and got them sent to the Computer Club where the rest of the supply was on sale. Yeah they could be sneaky when they tried and she couldn't resist telling Sara that but the rest would remain private.

She thought for a moment then began to type her mail.

**Hi Sis**

**Glad to know you are all surviving, enjoying life. Trust everything is ready. **

**Thanks for e-mail and pictures, especially one of Casey and Dad on rocking chairs fast asleep! Just as well we could see the babies asleep in their arms otherwise there would be no excuse. What about a Grandma and Mum one next! **

**Even better get a large copy of the men and frame it for the wall!**

**Gosh! Christmas Day tomorrow. **

**Just thought is Father Christmas calling on the twins or is it a bit early for them?**

**Yes all the presents have stayed wrapped and are around the tree, will ring you midday your time and catch Mum and Dad as well. Tell Mum Robert enjoyed his cookies and did not raid my tin. Umm tell her they taste lovely and John enjoyed a couple. You know those sweets …. Well John found a supplier and got a local shop to order them … yes on my say so … and nope not feeling sick or cravings … but I do like them.**

**Hey! Who is cooking 'the' lunch as the gathering is in your apartment?**

**Glad to know everything is set up at the Shock Wave and people are flocking in. Guess the idea that Christmas and so called 'winter' is a quiet time for trade has just gone out the window. Any more ideas about the assistant manager … guess Dad will need some help especially if it keeps like it through into next summer he doesn't want someone new in then … way too busy to show them the ropes. **

**I bet you were pleased to see the Christmas rush at Sunset Sisters and not be part of it. (Yes I know you do the books - think of all those figures!)**

**We have a new trap … as in horse and carriage, gosh that sounds way too grand, this is an everyday type one not a flashy gold one. I hasten to add we did not change the horse … ours is way too nice to trade in and yes we only need the one. It is in fact only slightly larger than our other one but it means we can travel together, and feels very posh as the driver sits in front of us. It can be altered so one of the passengers can be the driver if you see what I mean. **

**I have to say that riding in the trap is much nicer than in the car you see so much more and other drivers are polite as well (we avoid the roads were big lorries go), having said that there is a local law about driving when horses are around and that is enforced very vigorously. In case you think we get cold it has a hood, which does not come right over but is enough to shield us. We also have fur wraps to keep us warm and they do, as well as a dog who acts as a very good hot water bottle, if given the chance.**

**Hey! don't say anything about my size because I'm not showing yet so there! (okay I know it's too early yet and you are going to say give it another month – so give it another month or two or three!) **

**Yes I've been riding at a very sedate walk round the barn and along a couple of very sheltered paths; Snow White is such a beautiful ride and to think I will have to stop riding her as winter really bites and then wait till after summer!!! Mind you there's poor old John stuck on one ride round the barn a day and resting in the afternoon even early nights as the cold seems to take a lot out of him. **

**If the weather keeps clear and not too cold I might even see the New Year in with friends otherwise it will be just the two of us watching it on TV or sleeping through it. No doubt the twins will tell you when it's midnight! So have a good one and mail the next morning. **

**Take care lots of love to everyone, will ring tomorrow and then exchange written notes when free.**

**Meg.**

The door to the apartment opened and Shep came in and rolled on the towelling blankets put down for him, closely followed by John being pushed by Simon. Meg gave them the once over saying with a smile. "You can't roll but I think the chair needs what Shep is doing. Who started the snow fight then?"

Simon smiled but stayed silent as he helped John out of his thick anorak and blanket trying hard to keep the snow on the mat rather than the floor. John then eased himself out of the chair and got the crutches, which were leaning against the dining table and chair and said. "Shep did! I could do with some soup if there's any going."

Meg laughed as she sent her mail then got up and the commented. "His aim must be getting better as you've brought half of it back with you. Sit by the fire and get warmed up. How did the riding go?"

Simon who was drying off the chair snorted.

John shook his head with a smile then walked over to the sofa and as he sat down said. "Jackie caught us trying to go round the barn the long way."

Laughing Meg poured out the soup she had left warming on the stove then asked. "You want some Simon."

"Please especially as it will be bread and water for the next week? Mind you Jackie was in the snow fight as well."

"Hey! I heard that young man. I had to defend myself against you two." Jackie said as she came in from the garden room. "If there's any left." she added hopefully.

Meg laughed and nodded finding the extra bowls, she always made extra just in case.

Jackie looked at the men and said. "The odd loop is fine but across the width of the barn and the odd loop no way."

"Oh come Jackie, Sandy and Simon were walking and I was sitting straight. I need the extra …"

She cut in sharply. "No you don't … you've been walking around the apartment a lot more, you still need to build up your strength. We can not risk your health in the cold weather."

John 'eyed' her and sighed. "Yes Mum, but no kitchen duty for Simon."

Jackie laughed "Okay not this time. Have you been playing with your programme for upstairs Meg?"

John laughed as Meg gave him his soup; the others had collected their bowls and come to sit with them in the lounge area.

"Hey! You've been playing as well!" Meg exclaimed knowing that laugh and added. "We'll show you later, we are thinking of having a play room and an office up there, though there will be a play area down here as well."

"So I'll have my office to myself then … shame that." Jackie added with a smile.

Simon smiled and said "No more talking instead of working then." which got him a scowl from both Meg and Jackie "So what are the plans for this evening and tomorrow morning." He added quickly.

Meg and Jackie looked at each other with a smile and John shook his head and gave a slow smile. Simon sighed as he looked at them and decided he had better finish his soup while he could, life just wasn't fair sometimes.


	41. Chapter 41

**Chapter 41**

**Hi Sis and John**

**How about happy after Christmas from us all – no doubt some lucky people get a lie in; you know I think I'll have to educate the twins on that one. Quickly! **

**So good morning folks, here is the news of what happened Christmas day our end.**

**Did I tell you, you sounded happy … cheekily happy … made me wonder just why John was resting! Okay mind firmly on the job not on the possibilities.**

**Well after your phone call everything went mad. Not in a bad way food was cooked to perfection, just as well Mum cooks for 'the many', remember those gatherings we used to have at the farm well, that's what took place here.**

**We had most of yours, ours and Mum and Dad's friends call by to see the twins and found the food of course, it was not all at once … I think after the first couple left the word "food" got a round and they paced themselves, but it was a lovely way to spend the rest of the day seeing them. **

**Anyway I passed on your love and thanks for the presents, got theirs back to you expect you will get emails later. They were all pleased that Robert dropped them off all right. (Umm is 'dropped off' the right words I wonder because he landed the plane and handed them to us. Glad he had practice on the way over to you as yours were still wrapped according last mail, of course I do only have your word for it.)**

**We were (who am I kidding … are) knee deep in wrapping paper and goodies as they all brought things for the babies (not all rattles either, I think they must have had a list or the shop did) and some for us as well. So I guess it might not have been quite such a spur of the moment thing. **

**Umm Father Christmas is calling next year … decided they were a bit young this year… just as well really considering events.**

**Sorry have to pop out for a sec be back soon. (No not a loo break … Casey needs something and only I know where to start looking for it.)**

**Back again ... Okay so I did not find it where I thought it was … did find it though (heh heh never going to put it there again!) and we had our coffee break as well … okay loo break as well. So to carry on the continuing saga ... drum roll … nope that was a box being dropped … at least it sounded empty and no 'ouch' so could not have hit anyone.**

**Casey still can not get over your present for him … (You know Cheshire cat grin was not big enough … no he did not dance round the room with delight I managed to stop him, umm perhaps I should have let him and videoed it.) …he's been after one for ages and will treasure it. If John helped you get it, … watch it in case he can see what people are thinking or wishing from a distance … thank him as well. **

**Yes you chose right for mine as well (big hug and kiss) and of course Mum and Dad love theirs, but you know that as we already told you on the phone. (Can I be really cheeky and wonder if something like Mum's present could be ordered for the shop, I'm sure they would be bought by lots of people it is so unusual … I say like so it's not the same as Mum's.) **

**Mind you the present Dad had from the Prestons would have had you in stitches (Oh dear I wonder if that is the right word considering.) if I can I will get you a photo of him wearing it. Yes I did say wearing it – too long is one way of putting it. (Oh giggles just writing about it.) Mum's present was much better the scent was just right, as she had just run out. I should not laugh really as they are the only ones who have kept in touch since we lost the farm and they were always kind to us.**

**This is madness I need to deal with the twins and put lunch on … will be back after the adverts and lunch no doubt. (Makes you wonder what husbands are for!)**

**Lunch was good and the twins are asleep with dad and granddad. So I will do this very quietly. Mum has sneaked off to see a friend and before you comment I do know what husbands are for. Giggles … quietly. **

**Your way of traveling sounds great just as well you've got a hood but what about the poor driver up front or does the person beside you drive on the wet days … hope the springs are good. I'm still green about Snow White (do you think I could have a horse to cut the lawn out back) I guess John must be sick of the sight of the barn, come spring though you'll be able to go to that waterfall together. I suppose, as you will have to give up riding before then, (Bump will get in the way) you'll both in the carriage or will he be riding alongside sort of swapping rolls.**

**Oh, I wish you would describe him so I could complete the picture but I know you won't so don't worry about that question. For some reason I picture him as being taller than you are … just like to put a colour to his hair. (You've had dark and blonde so I guess I could say red just to be different or even green streaked, okay forget that one.)**

**Anyway don't forget send us another photo of the waterfall with you as we need one for each season and as you progress (wicked I know but that's what sisters are there for). I know with the last one we have two for winter but that's okay you've got lots and will have lots of the twins. So! Exchange is no robbery. By the way have a picnic there on me if you see what I mean and I don't mean send the bill either, because I know you will get the most expensive food. Just enjoy thinking of me slaving away as you enjoy the view etc.**

**Talking about size I'm getting my figure back very slowly. Another mum I know who had her baby had hers back within two weeks ugg. Umm perhaps that's because she only had one … I had two umm that does not sound so bad after all. As for your size that will come (laughs more wickedly)**

**John must think a lot of you to order all those sweets or was he just thinking ahead and starting a sweetshop for your child. You know Mum likes sweets therefore child likes sweets. Just don't go off them or is there going to be a special label 'pregnant mums only'. I must admit I still like them.**

**Okay, okay so I admit I went and made myself a cup of tea and the 'boys' woke up and then there was this phone call and we chatted so now as evening starts to draw in (okay I'm kidding it's a sunny afternoon – late not early afternoon – Casey is going to have to find tea or I will never finish this.)**

**I'll give you peace over New Year and not ring at midnight … mind you if you are going out you will not hear it anyway, unless John is staying home then he'll hear it … come to think of it it's Robert's number, we've got not yours and anyway lots of people will try to ring loved ones so exchanges will be engaged or lines blocked. Okay end of that thought … just let us know how things go and I'll do the same the usual way.**

**Hope your day was good if you're at your machine perhaps you'll let us know. (hint hint.)**

**Lots of cries and smiles from the kids, it amazes me how they are growing … just as well I no longer carry them inside … lol … yep definitely think I know how to feed and change the babies even in my sleep. (Can I fast forward to the next stage you know food flying off spoons on to floor stage … umm perhaps not a good idea.)**

**My master is calling so I must obey. … Yep tea is ready bless Casey's heart … so I will love you and leave you … (giggles … Casey's just read that bit and is beaming) … give love to John from all of us.**

**So he does not feel left out Casey insists I send you his love as well (should I be worried I wonder?) Opps he saw that and tea is going to go in the bin I really must go as save it. Love from all.**

**Sara.**

Meg laughed at the picture her sister painted and went over the mail again while drinking her cup of tea and gradually slipped into flash backs of their own Christmas day.

oxoxo

They had planned a lazy morning of opening presents, she had been worried she would have lots from her family and friends and he would only have a few. But she was wrong he had had cards and small gifts from people at the club as well as presents from people he had come to know over the year. A lot were simply addressed to John and Meg making her feel one of a very large family. First came breakfast with Simon and Jackie which was certainly not a quiet affair as they exchanged presents and stories of how they kept them away from each other, then they'd left to be with their family for the usual Church service and gathering which would go on till after lunch.

So this was their special time together and with music in the background they opened their presents, first he quietly presented her with an extra parcel as she handed over hers to him. He gave her 'that' slow cheeky smile that told her she should've known him better than to think Snow White would be the only present he would give her. He watched her open it and her smile of delight as it was a book and a video she'd wanted. They'd kissed and then she'd curled up next to him with butterflies in her stomach as he opened her present.

She need not have worried Robert had been right whatever she gave him he would cherish but the slow smile of love he gave her told her the memories of the old watch were still there and would mingle with the new one he held. She watched him turn the watch over and read the inscription "Soulmates forever' and the emotion in his eyes and smile as he looked at her was too deep for words so they'd kissed deeply and lovingly. Only to be broken by Shep who decided he wanted to play with his present and dumped it on their knees. So with laughter they passed the rest of the morning opening presents and throwing balls of paper for Shep to chase till it was time for her to ring her family.

They decided she would do it in the dining area so he could be a silent part of it, to her family he would be sleeping so unable to come to the phone. For a while she'd joined them all in the apartment with all the gossip and the general mayhem that went with Christmas as well as the baby noises as the twins were either in their pram or being carried around. She'd finished the call and walked back into the lounge area chatting bubbly about the call till with a slight shock she realised John had not heard a word she had said.

He was looking at the book Sara and Casey had given her it was a beautiful book of aerial and other photos of Britain, she recognised the page as the one they had been looking at when she'd left to make her call and that was over a quarter of an hour ago.

For a second she panicked about what to do, then took a deep breath and realised that Shep was not in his 'Master zoned out' mode, instead unusually for him he was up on the sofa snuggled up against John's thigh his nose resting on the only bit that was not covered by the book and his dark eyes were watching her, his tail wagging slowly. So John was not zoned out just deep in memory, which was not surprising as the book was about his home country, she had worried about leaving him with it but he insisted he was fine.

She sat down beside him and put her hand on the page and called 'John' a couple of times he didn't respond. She looked again at the pages on, one side was the aerial picture on the other were pictures of a beautiful country town. She worried it was all to close to his past and called out not too loudly but sharply. "Ben! Talk to me!"

He shuddered violently and exclaimed "Sorry!" looking at her briefly before looking back at the open book; his eyes were dark with emotion and so was his voice as he started to explain. "I was thrown back to childhood. … Birthdays were strange … broke the routine … we would have a special meal together … it was fine as long as the table was between us, that is Derek and I, then the presents were given out and Mum or Dad would come back to my room and we would play. Derek would stay in the lounge with the other parent and play. On other schooldays because Dad and Mum worked and they were not around for a quick chat about the day I would grab something from the fridge and have it in my room before Derek came home.

Guess I was the youngest kid to have his own room key and bed sit. … It was good in some ways I had the TV and radio all to myself … they had to share it along with the rest of the house. Mum and Dad or friends would pop in so I was not forgotten, Derek was the only one not allowed in. … It used to be a grannies room so it was large enough to have bed, sofa etc and a bathroom attached. Sundays were good Dad took Derek out to the river and I had Mum for the day, next week I would go to the river with Dad and he would stay with Mum, if the weather was bad we would do something different. Derek never hassled me on those days I think they were special for him too.

Some twins are like that they need space and then come together for short periods and they accept each other better and gradually they can live together … only the last bit never really worked with Derek he needed space most of the time, he would of course have me around if it suited him.

I used to be escorted by an adult to and from school and round shops to make sure Derek did not attack me or shadow me too closely. At school we were separated all the time, it was big enough to have two classes for the year; friends soon grew wise and worked round the situation. I had them round in my room and went to their houses escorted of course so I did not miss out in that way. Neither of us were party animals which was just as well, separate parties in one house at the same time might have been too much.

He had the freedom to go where he liked. They did try it the other way round at the very beginning but he wrecked the place and became really uncontrollable and I got sick so they had to do it that way round."

As he spoke the next words John closed the book and put it to one side and looked up at her, "Sorry I should not be doing this to you … I can usually lock it down … …but you are away from your parents because of me, I'm doing the same to you as they did to me. I know it's for love, that's how my parents kept our family together but I'm keeping you away from yours, you're telling them lies. You cannot see Sara and the twins … … you don't need this extra pressure."

She would never forget the look of sadness and shock on his face as he realised she was crying. But she could not help her tears; he was such a gentle forgiving person.

He gave a slow smile even his voice had a gentle lightness to it as he said. "Hey they loved us …not just one twin … and they adored each other … that's why it worked out … And we did have good times … I learnt how to ride and other hobbies so did he … eventually as we got older he let me have more space … I managed to go to University, granted he got the family firm that was okay … I wanted to travel got America and you."

She smiled and kissed him the said, "How can you be so gently and good after all that and you still want him to have his own life."

His voice was gentle and understanding he answered truthfully. "I was loved by a very special couple who did not give up on him either nor will I. I also I know I can never bring Mark and the others back, I'll never forget them and in some ways he is doing good by carrying on the trusts I put in place. As for my 'death' through that he's found the peace and strength to turn his life around, to give love instead of hate and that is important to me.

I also know I cannot face him without destroying a lot of lives and it will be for others to decide what to do when I die.

His tone was loving as he finished. "Most of all I've got my life with you and our baby … I know I'm still a kind of prisoner … perhaps I'm always meant to be that, but at least there is a chance I might one day be able to ride out of this one." He gave a gentle sigh he knew she would understand as he added. "That is if Jackie ever lets me ride out of the barn, of course."

Over her soft chuckle he gave a slow smile and suggested."So, how about us three on horseback for a late summer holiday next year, I hear there are some nice hotels across the valley, especial one which we own a bit of so can get the best rooms and the town I'm told is nice and quiet."

When he smiled like that she could not resist smiling back and as she loved the idea said. "Sounds brilliant, no doubt the baby could be in a harness or we could go as a group and take the carriage, then go out on rides on Sandy and Snow White." Feeling he needed to get back to now she carried on. "I know we will have Christmas turkey and all the trimmings with the others at the hotel tonight so I thought something different for lunch. There are lots in the fridge or freezer and we can have it in here or the garden room."

Seeing a flash of fear and remembrance cross his face she said quickly. "No don't hide it John tell me I know you've been having trouble come on."

He stayed silent, and she knew she was losing him, Shep moved so he nuzzled John's hand as though he wanted smoothing and gave a whimper. She knew contact was good so touched John's other hand and said gently. "Better now than in front of guests tonight."

John shivered and put a hand on Shep's head and smiled at her advice as she carried on talking. "Its memories of the basement isn't it, Mandy said you've been reliving last year as you've been recovering. You know you have nothing to fear from them."

He nodded but stayed silent for a moment longer his eyes were dark and voice shaky but clear when he eventually spoke. "Yes …both accounts…sometimes they've been just on the edge, like whispers in the air I wasn't even sure they were there so I kept waiting for something to hit and it has. … Sort of … … all the impressions have come together I don't even know if it was Christmas day … time had lost it's meaning to me as there was no day or night in the basement ... just seemed forever.

I was in chains, woke up to find a Christmas tree with lights on in the corner of the room. It was not a big real one, artificial table size with lights and decorations on it and parcels round it, just like the ones I had in childhood. Even the same music from a tape we used to have so I assume it was Derek's doing. The jailers came in with food … turkey and all the trimmings, wine and pudding … had to eat it with them … after we finished they gave me one of the parcels to open."

She held his hand and rested her head against his shoulder, realising his slight reluctance about their own decorations, seeing her need so accepting it, if only he could have said but knew not having any would have hurt him as well, his unsteady voice brought her back to now.

"The …The parcel was … a miniature black coffin box with a message from Derek wishing me a happy journey along with a brochure about the beautiful resting place in Canada … … He knew my history with the mad woman and the coffin, knew the fear it would provoke … it did. … I expected the men to rush me instead they just sat and waited … During my panic I felt the familiar rush of elation, saw funny colours they had drugged the food … … I had been in withdrawal before hand so I knew I was in for a drug fix sometime … just as I knew I had to eat or they would force feed me.

I felt them manhandle me out of the basement; I remember being tied, gagged, feeling cramped, the radio playing round my head. … I suspect that was a trunk of a car but from then things are mixed up … I was kept on the edge of consciousness or awareness most of the time but not enough to move or get help."

John paused for a moment and Meg kept close to him and found it hard to stop herself shivering, remembering his edginess and quietness, he must have felt trapped again because he could not explain it till as he put it 'it hit him'.

When he spoke again his voice was very matter a fact. "I have the impression that people were very close to me, if I could have reached out I could've touched them told them but I couldn't do either. … Heard voices and there were the smells of shops and cafes, perhaps that was when I was fed or stayed overnight I don't actually remember feeling days and nights even in the fuzzy memories. … Some when I was totally enclosed in something dark, padding all around me but not smothering me, … it brought back memories of that mad woman who kept me in the coffin. I remembered clawing my way out the first time and the mad marriage thing she did. I tried to claw my way out again but failed and all the time I could feel vibrations all around me I assume that must have been engines of some kind and there was something over my face possibly an oxygen mask don't know my hands couldn't seem to reach it."

He shivered and she knew he had slipped out of reliving his memories, was back with her no doubt a little surprised that she was beside him and they were in the apartment, but breathing was calm and his voice was steady as he carried on. "Through it all there was the rush and withdrawal of drugs, feeling very scared because of the inability to do anything about it, but also good memories and friendly voices like yours and Casey's … but they were weird as they were mixed up … deep down I knew you were safe and somehow that helped.

Then of course there was the van. After the darkness I was dragged into blinding light … then different smells and noises as things were stacked around me … of course at every twist and turn or bump in the journey there were sounds and vibrations as things around me moved and the fear I could not protect myself if anything happened rippled through me. There was the shock of the crash, being crushed unable to breathe properly, pain … noises I suppose the rescue vehicles ... then hearing a voice … Jack's voice … Then mentally clutching on to it as I could not get passed the barrier of pain or darkness. It was his tone that gave me a feeling of safety and it stayed with me through the terror and vibrations afterwards. … I assume that must have been the helicopter.

His tone turned softer as he finished. "Somewhere in the quieter darkness there came a desperate need to find you to say goodbye, to tell you how sorry I was I could not be with you … and in doing so I saw you and found the strength to live again."

Fleetingly as Meg moved round so she could see his face she wondered how long that insecure feeling would carry on. She knew they mirrored shock, him in his memories and she hearing them for the first time. She would not deny it or lie to him and she knew how much he hated it when his memories came on days when he wanted them to be happy, perhaps this would be the last one as they would have all surfaced.

She gently said though shakily gently knowing Mandy was only a phone call away. "Do you want to talk to Mandy now?"

He shook his head and gently put his hand on hers and said "No … let them have their family gathering they've given up a lot of time for me."

She could understand that they were his safety blanket but sometimes he needed the private space he had lost along with everything else. She felt he needed to know that he should not feel guilty, that he was not alone and they understood this might happen and felt pleased her voice was steadier than before as she said. "John, we knew your brother must have done something around Christmas, so don't feel bad about remembering now. We can tell Jackie and Simon when they come back after lunch and it's up to you whether you want to go tonight, we can have something simple here. They will understand you know that don't you?"

She watched the slow smile surface and knew he was feeling better now the cloud had finally broken, his voice was gentle and had that loving quality she was so used to as he said. "I know … I want to go and you to enjoy yourself. … Now they finally come together I can cope with them, I'll have sometime with Mandy tomorrow." He put a hand gently to her face; his thumb gently wiped away the escaped tear as he carried on. "No doubt there will be some nightmares but you will be beside me to make them easier, you always seem to be picking up the pieces …"

He looked at her with sadness and she knew he could not feel the deep loving sensation that was rippling through her as he carried on "… and I so wanted to make today special for you only to have the past has hit me again."

She knew he needed reassurance and took his hand gently in hers, and her smile would tell him everything words could not and then said softly. "Hey, being with you is special … you've been through hell … this is our new beginning and we can make it special from now on by doing what you want to do ... not what you think I or anyone else wants."

She was startled by his sad laugh, though he voice was gentle and loving as he admitted. "I don't know what I want." His hand slipped free from hers with his finger he gently traced the outline of her face then carried on. "No … That's not true what makes you happy will be fine. That's always been my goal because it makes me feel content in a way I've never been before, and our memories and the watch you gave me are special and will always be with me."

As she traced the outline of his watch she smiled and said gently. "Well let's raid the cupboards then watch the video you've given me. I would like to be with the others tonight but only if you think you can cope. No-one expects you to be the belle of the ball and we can leave early."

She did not realise that her radiant smile gave him the grounding he needed his laugh was gentle and teasing as he asked. "I could borrow one of your dresses."

"No way!" She laughed knowing he was all right, the horror of the past was shut away till tomorrow when he would talk to Mandy. She brushed her hand against his cheek then kissed him before getting up. … …

oxoxo

Meg shook her head bringing herself back to the present wondering just how much she could tell her Sara ... she thought for a moment then started.

**Hey Sis. **

**As you can see I'm at the machine. I noticed it took you all day to write it just as well it was not a phone call! **

**Glad everyone had a good time and keeping fit; yes I do remember those gatherings and never understood how Mum managed to have all that food on the table. If I'm right we used to take turns in washing up … mountains of the damn stuff … I expect the word was passed on as our friend could never resist good food, thanks for passing hi's and thanks to friends. (Remember those mad parties we used to have at Surf Central … the mess afterwards!") **

**Prestons present to Dad sounds fascinating – trust it has bright colours I seem to remember their living room had this yellow and red wallpaper pattern and their chairs were blue. Can't wait to see the photos! Think of the mileage you could get out of them. LOL**

**And yes our trap has hood so we can tuck ourselves out of the rain but the poor driver is stuck in the wet so we wrap him up nice and warm in the old fashion driver's coat and hat, springs are good too as are the smooth roads or the reinstated bridle path.**

**Christmas was good after getting old memories out of the way. **

**We spent the afternoon browsing through the books and presents thanks again the pictures are amazing! So Mum and Dad are not left out thank them again we both like the presents a lot. **

**As it was sunny though cold (not the biting wind that has affected John so much) we took Shep for a walk in the snow. Okay John stayed in the chair and on the path for safety's sake … John's carers were around so we all had snowball fights; John makes an easy target ... so unfair I know! **

**Just in case you think it was one-sided John had help in getting snowballs and he is lethal in his aim. The chair is good to hide behind as well so we all took turns in hiding.**

**It was also fun watching Shep try and catch the snowballs it was even funnier when he actually caught one and it collapsed in his mouth, he decided to chase them instead after that. As for John well so far so good no ill effects … he must be getting stronger. Guess I'll have to watch what I do, he can move that chair pretty fast when he wants too. **

**In the evening we managed to go our friends' hotel so it was family and a few guests and they were friends of the family so it was a very cosy feeling. One of the lounges opens onto the conservatory and has a fantastic view of the valley which is carpeted in white at the moment that's were we had our meal rather than the dining room it was also easier for John. (Dirty wheels and carpet don't go together very well … we have wooden boards in the apartment and good cleaners.) After the meal we had a party … not the jazz type... rather like we used to have at the farm listening to stories, children played games … we stayed for a short while didn't want to push John too far. (Oops as he was in the chair what could I say, wear him out … then you would get the wrong idea … anyway I guess you know what I mean)**

**Today has been a very lazy day only doing the very necessary things, which included another walk but no snowballs this time. Though John has had to carry on his routine regarding therapy and rest so I listen to music and go through the presents again, doing some more mail (that's when I read yours) and tomorrow it will be back to the old routine for me.**

**As Christmas meal with friends went well we are all set for another big step for John … okay the big push, as he is only taking small ones with a lot of help and rest … going to the New Year party and stay there till after the New year. … (Party does not start till half eleven but continues till the last one drops … umm that sounds interesting even more so as my boss will be one of the people taking part so I guess he will not mind if I'm late when we start work again. Fireworks start at quarter too so we might not go till then … they sort of let the old year out with a bang. ) **

**Its family and friends about fifty in all and the Church hall is big and I do mean big so we will not feel squashed and I expect they don't turn people away. We will be near the door just in case we need to leave quickly ... John does not do groups of people and rooms easily, but they all know him and his problem so the stress should not be too bad. He has insisted if he finds he can't cope I'm to go with friends and he'll have a couple bring him back so he will not be alone.**

**Of course if we enjoy the music I hope they don't mind John doing wheelies around the dance floor … guess we will have to clear the floor before he starts. **

**So be in touch by email … might not be till late I'll not say which day either … I would like some time to sleep in. **

**I know you will up with the twins … glad to know they are fine and letting you know they are around and growing. **

**We are having the upstairs rooms done late January or February depending on weather so our peace and quiet will be gone for a while!**

**Will send you information about the gifts similar to Mum's a bit later, have to do some hunting to find the bits and pieces**

**Thanks for photos give everyone our love and hugs.**

**Meg**

Meg smiled as she sent the mail off their day had been lazy and ever since John's quality time with Mandy in the afternoon, she had felt a new quieter confidence in him and knew it would grow. Yesterday they had finally shut the door on the past and today the new one was opening and would do so slowly but it felt good.

She stretched and got up and smiled as she looked over at John who was pretending to fight Shep for the new toy bone he had for Christmas, Robert's mail would just have to wait till tomorrow and called across. "If you're that hungry John I can ask the kitchen if they have any leftovers."

John stopped to look at her and Shep took his opportunity and got his bone and ran to his place in front of the fire then lay down with the bone in his paws, panting and a challenge in his eyes but his tail wagging madly, watching them both.

John looked at Shep then at Meg and conceded. "Umm cake would be better … but I'll get it."

She smiled at him knowingly as he got up and found the crutches he smiled and added. "Okay I'll get it out and you can carry it otherwise Shep will have it I know. … One of these days I will be able to walk and talk and carry then you will have to watch yourself young lady."

Meg laughed and he said with a questioning look. "Come on then what did Sara have to say or can I read the print out, though I dread to think what you wrote back."

She ignored him and went over to the kitchen area, John chuckled and took the hint and concentrated on walking properly, she would tell him as they sat and ate.


	42. Chapter 42

**Chapter 42 **

**Hi Sis**

**New Year reflections from home.**

**The twins woke up around midnight, Casey and I were already awake wanting to watch the fireworks from the apartments … yep we slept earlier. Saw them … well you can just see the high ones from the bedroom … lots of those thank goodness. Some were just one colour, others were mixed and there were those amazing ones where one colour breaks through another and the number increased each time. … Nope didn't bother counting just loved them. Luckily not too many had really loud bangs. **

**Gave the twins their 'midnight' feasts (greedy monkeys) okay okay so we had one as well, (cakes and drinks) must keep my strength up. Casey said it was rude to eat alone so he joined in and of course we were drinking the New Year in.**

**As I fed the twins I thought of just how amazing it is to have them, be a month soon and they are changing … watching things, listening to voices, noises, music. Mark is the quieter one … unless you leave him too long then he really gets going, Sue wants attention straight away … yep no messing around. (Want earplugs or just remember what Mum says got good lungs so still alive so don't worry about it.) To think this time next year they will be up and around … possibly walking and they are ours for life … frightening thought in some ways. **

**By the way I think the plan of yours about clothes gifts is a good one I'll let you know how we can deal with it later.**

**Mum and Dad went round AJ and Bette's for a party needless to say hangovers followed so we talked quietly on the phone this morning. I was not cruel and rung early either … even so Dad complained about the phone being too loud … as if I could do anything about that! They enjoyed themselves though, caught up on all the gossip not that they miss much as they hear it from their customers … they also made a couple of new friends. **

**Thanks for info about that firm, have sent off for a brochure will let you know what ones we will order for the shop… and yes the one Mum has will be left off so it stays special. **

**You know I still can't get the picture of the snowball fight out of my head. lol**

**Well all our love for the New Year to both of you.**

**Sara.**

Meg smiled as she started her mail ….

**Hi **

**A belated Happy New Year to you all from the both of us … glad you had a good time.**

**Well … You did say I could leave it till I recovered.**

**So I've recovered … No not from a hangover … just a fantastic New Year party. **

**Words in this mail will not cover the feeling I have for that party or now come to that **

She stopped she wanted to tell Sara everything but could not.

She put the mail on save and got up with a sigh, and as she walked passed John who was sitting in the lounge area reading, he looked up and gave a slight smile and a gentle. "Trouble?"

She stopped and looked at him and explained gently. "Not really … I want to spout off about last night/this morning to Sara but can't." She gave a gentle huff with a smile. "So I'm going to spout off to Robert and then give her a censored version later."

When John frowned she carried on. "You're behind in your recovery so you can't answer the phone etc."

John nodded his understanding and said softly "I can always be in the bathroom, at work or with the horses don't lie too much otherwise you will get tangled or stop writing about things, and I don't want that. The surprise will cover any jump they may think strange. There's no danger in me picking up the phone as your mobile is yours alone and the hotel still takes all my calls." He added with a smile. "I must have a word with Jack about that."

Meg nodded with a smile sensing the 'discussion' coming up between the two men as to just how much independence John could have regarding calls would be fairly heated as he was feeling trapped by the weather and Jackie's rules.

With his eyes still twinkling with mischief he added. "So, shall I get you some tea in about half an hour?"

"Yes please." She bit off the warning; because his chuckle told her he knew what she was just going to say so expected a comment and was surprised when he jumped subjects.

"By the way Jackie has caved in about the swimming. So instead of going daft once round the barn on Sandy I'm in the pool later, are you going to join me?"

That sounded good so she accepted. "Umm loved to." Then giggled knowing how Jackie felt about swimming and cold weather, which was why swimming g had stopped and added. "You're going to be wrapped in blankets."

He looked at her seriously as he answered. "Yes and must not sneeze or cough afterwards either." then smiled adding. "Give him my love; I'm going to check with the hotel to see if Paul and Val have surfaced yet. If you're wondering fairy godmother she lost her wand last night so it's back to normal."

Meg laughed as she went to the other apartment and as she past Jackie who was tiding up her lounge she smiled and said quietly "He won then."

Jackie laughed and stopped for a moment "Yeah but it will be every other day and heaven help him if he gets a cold."

Meg chuckled understanding her caution. "It's that or he'll erupt about the riding … we haven't had any fresh snow so the sheltered paths are clear and Sandy is very sure footed."

Jackie sighed. "I know that Meg but my hands are tied till we see the specialist … so swimming is the better thing to do and it will only be a short session, though I've not told him that. You upstairs for a while?"

"Yes to check emails and send one to Robert, then we're having a cup of tea so I assume the swim will be after that." Meg said as she started to go upstairs.

"Fine I'll get things sorted for the trip and warn Simon."

oxoxo

Once in the office Meg set up the machine and put the coding disk in ready for use then smiled, there was one from Robert. She had wondered how his New Year had gone and opened it watched it sort itself out then started to read.

**Hi Meg**

**Just a quick note to say Happy New Year to you both, and to let you know how the party went. **

**As you can guess family are now back to full strength and I'll have to work hard to pay the bill. … Okay we had a lovely time, invited the whole street so no complaints, ended up with kids out front and the oldies out back so didn't have far to crawl when it ended. Yeah some of us oldies had to brave the front just to check on the kid but believe it or not the kids behaved though there were a few bodies in the garage. Luckily they got up when they found food was on the go later in the morning. **

**In case you are wondering the cars stayed round at friends and complained when they were driven back … guess it must have been a good garage … perhaps I should put carpet in ours too or just get them serviced. **

**Hope John's memories about Christmas past have settled now … and you've stopped having nightmares etc about them. Remember he was loved by his parents and is loved by you and his new family and he knows it. Now you can really start a fresh together. It says a lot that he managed to face company for the evening meal. And it certainly was a pity you didn't have a camera when Jan curled up on his lap after the meal to watch the fun and games. Well that's two year olds either full of energy or zapped and not fazed by anything. **

**So how was the party … if you went that is? **

**Have booked time off to come and see you will bring Sue with me, though she believes we are going to the same town we met Mat last time, which we are but then we will fly by other plane to you. Tell John I have a plan and part of it is being set up now. It's a big conference to be held in Sunset I know AJ will send Casey to it and from there ideas may flow.**

**Hear from you soon I hope.**

**Robert.**

Meg pressed reply and put in heading. '**New Year with a bang' **

**Hi Robert.**

**Happy New Year back, glad all is well, we are fine, have already booked your rooms so you will not have to sleep in the snow. I think heading says it all so I will love you and leave you.**

**It's okay only kidding. I'm going to write a quieter version to Sara later at the moment I still feel the**** "****wow"****factor.**

**So to keep you hanging on I'll start at the beginning … sort of … because I doubt you want to hear about John's argument with Jackie as she made him have an afternoon nap … as in sleep not resting … Jackie won that one. I had the fun of watching him sleep … love it.**

**Fireworks were spectacular; they are set off before midnight and from a point near the waterfall so that the top two towns can see them. I think you know cousins in Mandy's family own/owned the other town and land. The towns further down have theirs of course but we get ours in first. Apparently across the valley did last year's display … just as well as Mandy didn't have any cash and I think they thought they were the best and would stay the best. A few months ago John and Jack put their heads together and quietly found a new supplier. Wicked of them not telling the other side I know, of course if things had gone wrong Jack's name would have been mud … but they didn't. I should add the rivalry is friendly and I expect names of firm will be exchanged. **

**The night was clear and not too cold so the okay for going was given. We could not make our minds up whether it was best for John to see them from the hotel then rush to the hall for the music and count down or see them from outside the hall and hope Sandy didn't mind the bangs, which were not too loud because of the distance. In the end we braved the cold (they supplied mugs of coffee and soup) and Sandy was good, (so was John) the new trap is warm so that was okay. Simon was not only wrapped up warm but had Jackie as well. Sandy had company in the church hall garage as some others rode in, apparently their car decided to hit a tree the day before … luckily no one was badly hurt as they were going slowly. **

**Paul and Val came, they would not have missed it for the world and of course there was 'the family' as well as friends meant to be about fifty but no one was turned away … well the hall is huge. After the fireworks we went into the hall, John was in the chair so we were near the glass doors to one side. This was good as it meant we did not feel too hemmed in and knew we could go out without causing too much fuss, it was also away from the loudspeakers. Everyone gave us room as well, there were tables and chairs scattered round the edge of the room leaving the main area for dancing and a DJ etc on the stage, needless to say there were drinks and nibbles.**

**So we all settled down for the countdown into the New Year there were a several dances first to warm everyone up. The local DJ had explained that they would have a 'quiet' hour of requests some had already been handed others were wanted. Also the spotlight would shine on the couples or groups as they danced if found. As you can imagine some of the requests and messages were wacky I danced with friends and a couple of strangers, I think John enjoyed flirting with the wives or female partners who chatted with him or any of the group left behind that is an overall view.**

**Now to the important bit … As luck would have it I was a little way away from the table as the countdown was announced so I turned round to get back to John and saw the chair was empty but felt a hand on my shoulder before the flash of fear could register. Yep the sneak had crept up on me! (okay he had help) Anyway, he put his arm around my shoulders and I snuggled close, not so close to tip him over but enough to give him the balance he would need, and we counted out the old and welcomed in the new year. **

**Did not stop there … our friends had made a protective circle around us and I thought we would make our way back to the chair and table and sit the next song out.**

**But I was oh so wrong. **

**The DJ announced that the first song for the New Year was a thank you from John to his adopted family and friends and the second was from him to me, he added with a laugh … he was pleased we were not on a ship for that one. **

**People looked around and moved back so we all had room when the first song started it sent a ripple down my spine as I know the significance it has for Jack and Mandy (as he is retiring this year and it is their favourite) there is of course John's special feelings for Simon and Jackie and his finding Paul and Val. The others listening believed it was just about John finding a special family and the town accepting him, which is also true. The song is from the Lion King about a warrior coming home and finding love it is called 'Can you feel the love tonight.' … and yes we could especially between Jack and Mandy. **

**So we danced together with the spotlight resting on the couples in turn. It was lovely because he danced so well … granted it was a cuddle dance and we didn't travel far … but there was not faulting his strength or steps. **

**The other song was 'My heart will go on' from Titanic … so I'm glad we weren't out at sea – yes we had a grin about that … just as well Sara and Casey were not here. The singer was male who had a voice that gave the song feeling and strength – I must find out who later.**

**The feeling I had as we danced together is really too much to put into words, to say it was warm and fuzzy is an understatement. **

**I know he was declaring his love for me (the love he has always had, which kept him alive in the dark days and now he is willing to show everyone, although everyone else believes it is a new found love). It was a most fantastic loving surprise for him to spring on us the others didn't know he was going to do it either, they thought he was just going to stand by me for the count down then go back while the others danced. **

**He must have felt incredibly safe amongst us to even try and do it; more so as he still cannot walk outside or in the computer club he tends to freeze up. It is amazing finding out how John and Ben are merging the surprise was so much like Ben used to be. As I listened to the words while dancing in his arms I know I will love him forever and our love is forever no matter what may come. **

**In the dying seconds of the song we stopped dancing and he kissed me …. I did not know then but we were the only ones on the dance floor all our friends had stopped dancing and watched … needless to say they clapped in the silence just after the song finished and as we broke our kiss … we looked at each other as we accepted the applause.**

**I wish in some ways I could have seen into his eyes but as usual he had his tinted glasses on but I reckon they must have been as dark and emotional as mine were. … Floating is one word I suppose I could use but I know I could feel our love ... our deep love. **

**While making our way back to the table with a little help from Simon and Jackie close by the DJ announced we would be expecting an addition to our family sometime later in the year. Yes of course, the hall came down with everybody cheering ... I know that most people knew as I am defiantly blooming so as I cannot hide it … but he wanted them to know officially which was nice and we accepted their best wishes that all goes well.**

**The next song was from Paul to Val and they danced under the spot light and then there were the other etc. So the new year started really really well. **

**As Mandy said with a smile afterwards John has told everyone I'm his and he is mine and through her laughter she added he was also telling all the ladies not to fall at his feet. Yes there were a few who had that look about them especially as they realised he was now walking and not stuck in the wheelchair. Jack of course being Jack quietly mentioned that if John is able to ride full time along the bridle path then our stables will suddenly become popular. **

**Of course now he's shown us what he can do so there is no going back, though we've all got to bear in mind he might not be able to do it all. If you're wondering about reports and photos appearing in the paper Jack has that covered, and the DJ mentioned at the beginning that photos and the strobe lighting would come later.**

**As you know from the last photo he does look good on a horse but as he said he's got to get out of first gear and out of that damn barn first. He was looking straight at Jackie at the time, who needless to say just smiled and shook her head.**

**Back to the dance … he did not dance again I danced with Paul as Simon and Jackie had their request and as I finished a dance with Jack the fairy godmother insisted that we go home or Sandy would freeze. Umm bit difficult in a heated garage but never mind I think John was ready anyway … so Jack drove us home allowing as John said to the fairy godmother "the babes could dance the morning away" which they did all four of them. Mandy was driven home by a police officer who just happened to be available at the time. (There's influence for you.)**

**So after that wonderful night – morning … it is back to reality of walking with crutches around the apartment with possibly a very short time with a shoulder but strictly no talking while doing any of it and the chair when outside or 'resting' time inside.**

**As for the tussle regarding riding it's just been resolved into swimming every other day providing he does not sneeze or cough. I have this funny feeling that John is feeling very frustrated as he can do so much in his mind but is still very restricted in reality. Yes … we get a few little volcanoes nothing as bad as the earlier ones though, sort of like puffs of smoke and ashes. Opps have I just tempted fate I wonder?**

**The trip to the specialist is just before your visit I just hope the answer will be yes regarding the rides … I suppose he feels more mobile or in control when riding … walking is slow for him because he gets tired and his mind does tend to shut down if he gets tense or tries to do too much. As Simon say thinking and talking while walking is not a good idea so it's a case of stop and talk then start again. Does lead to some funny situations though ... no I'm not going to tell.**

**We are expecting another snow fall in the next few days but I don't think it will stop your visit as the roads should have been cleared by then … come to think of it after the above I doubt if anything will stop you.**

**As you know our horses are rescue horses as are the riders so we had the fun of a snow search and rescue in the mountains behind us a couple of days ago … everyone including Jackie and Simon went. Luckily the group of kids were found before it got too dark and cold and the helicopter, which landed on the flat area of the hotel garden, was not needed. So, Snow White has had her first adventure and according to Jackie coped very well of course that led to John asking why he could not go down the safe paths etc.**

**Well, I will love you and leave you … we are going for a swim and no doubt John will be well wrapped up for the short push to and from to and from it. I can't blame either of them really just hope it will only be words that fly and he resists the temptation to dunk her. **

**No doubt you will some how use your trip to us as an excuse to get your top up of Mum's cookies if you do don't forget to leave some for us … or give her a hint that we would like some cherry ones. … There was an odd number last time so we fought over the last one … Shep got it in the end.**

**Still feeling fine … found one of my skirts is a bit tight … though that could be all the food eaten over Christmas … Stuffed was not the word for it.**

**Don't work too hard to pay the bill regarding the party, glad to know the kids are back to normal … were they ever normal? Love to Sue.**

**Goes without saying but I will … New Year wishes and regards from John as well.**

**Meg.**

She was not surprised to find Shep sitting watching her though she had not heard him come up, her half an hour had long gone.

She sent the mail and closed down after rechecking Robert's so she could pass the information on to John later. She got up and started to follow Shep and smiled she was looking forward to the session in the pool especially if Val and Paul joined them before going back home. And if they did ... well Jackie's hope for a short one or quiet one would definitely be lost.


	43. Chapter 43

**Chapter 43 **

Thinking it all through Meg was not too sure whether John's nerves were because of the visit to the specialist today or Robert's visit in a couple of days' time. Either way she could have quite happily strangled him this morning and knew she was not the only one, which gave her some comfort.

Other mornings there had been 'that' quietness to his moods and when she'd asked him about it he said he was okay just a little unsettled by the computer club and would get over in time. So she'd left it knowing he needed his independence and his moods were always gone by the time she returned from Tony's. As for his nights they had been quieter, till last night when he had tossed and turned in and out of bad dreams rather than one straight nightmare. When he woke up he was sullen and snappy and nothing she could do was right, but then again nothing he did was right either, nor Jackie and Simon when they came in come to that. So Jackie had immediately brought in the big gun, Jack, who'd had managed to make him see that he had to take things slowly and nothing complicated so definitely no walking.

Of course his extreme mood had unsettled her, but once at work Tony and her friends helped to settle her down. Even so, as she worked she could not help checking the clock and wondering what the drive to the hospital was like … and then if the hospital was still standing. Eventually she knew she could not do anything about it so huffed to herself and got on with her work and enjoyed the day.

Now, waiting for him to return the nerves kicked in again and she'd no one to talk to as Simon and Jackie had taken advantage of the situation to do jobs away from the apartment. She silently huffed to herself "They'd most probably done it to recover from his moodiness and be ready for any bad new if it came." Being on her own and not having them around felt strange … granted she had Shep with her but he was sleeping on his rug and couldn't answer her questions...

Her attention was caught by movement outside and she saw Sandy and the trap go by and resisted the temptation to get up and run to the door and go to the stables. Instead she decided she'd get drinks ready after all if John didn't want one Jack would, and the others would no doubt come in a couple of minutes as their radar was most probably already twitching.

As soon as Meg had looked towards the window Shep had sat up alert now as she walked over to the counter he padded out to the passageway and stood, tail wagging watching the door. When the door started opening he gave a welcoming bark and charged for it coming to an abrupt halt at the edge of the matted area and waited.

Meg finished what she was doing unconsciously waiting for the crash as charging dog and whoever was coming in met … but it never happened, never would as she knew Shep had got it of to a fine art, which could scare anyone watching for the first time.

As dog and Master greeted each other, Meg looked over and saw John had a bunch of red roses lying across his lap and that Shep was being content with just a quiet welcome. She walked over to John smiling at his gift and noted with relief his posture showed a good mood and said gently as Shep moved out the way. "Good news then?" John's eyes met hers and she continued as he lifted up the roses to her. "They are beautiful thank you"

She didn't need words so leant a little forward so they could kiss. … It was a quick, light butterfly kiss, but loving all the same … both knew they had things to do before they talked.

Meg took the roses over to the counter and found a vase to put them in and then put them on the dinning table guessing the table in the lounge area would get full as people came in. She then got their drinks and walked over to the sofas so they could have them as they sat and talked.

John in the meantime had sent Shep to his rug and got out of the chair using the crutches and walked over to the sofa and sat down before answering her question. "Yes. The specialist reckons I will get less tangled as time goes on, but it will take time. And I can start using one stick around the apartment if I feel confident but to use the chair and crutches outside." He gave a smile as he added. "Also I can start learning to drive the carriage."

"Heaven help us all!" Jack exclaimed putting a couple of bags and files on the dinning table, collected a cup of tea from the counter and came over to join them.

Meg laughed at his words and expression and said. "He was a good driver before you know."

Jack deliberately kept a serious expression and tone as he carried on, hoping John would take note. "I dare say, but don't forget that was a car, a horse and trap is different. Even Sandy would have bolted to goodness knows where if he'd been driving in the mood he was this morning! And he's missed out the bit about not doing it all at once, and to do it slowly."

"Hey! I was not that bad." John exclaimed then hesitated looking at both of them and seeing their expressions added softly, "Oh! … I was that bad?"

Meg smothered the urge to smile and nodded noticing Jack did the same. Jack kept silent knowing this was between the two of them even though he'd come in as referee, which should have alerted John as to how bad he was, but obviously hadn't.

John sighed, thinking back to the morning and the day then admitted. "Tension and I hate the rooms even the waiting room they empty is too small." He looked at her knowing his words could not really explain the feeling he'd been having and said. "Sorry ... to both of you." He'd asked Jack to get the flowers as a celebration now he hoped she took them as an apology as well.

Meg watched him realising he really hadn't known just how bad things had been and now he did he felt doubly guilty. She saw Jack's nod of acceptance and knowing John's need for reassurance she put her hand on his giving him a nod and smile she knew he'd understand. She also knew he would apologies to Jackie and Simon later.

John nodded accepting her unspoken forgiveness and as he gently caressed her hand he kept eye contact with her and thought about what he had to tell her.

Meg was surprised to see a flicker of sadness flash across them and her nerves went on alert as she heard that sadness in his voice as he said. "I asked about being there when you have our baby. … He doesn't think I will manage it. … Their rooms are upstairs and too small, along with the tension and the noise of the equipment he thinks I will flip out in a big way."

She kept silent understanding his sadness and shared it; he'd wanted to be there with her and let him carry on hoping they'd found a compromise somehow.

"We pondered the idea of my staying in the car park if Mandy's brother and the specialist were with me. But he pointed out that might be difficult as no one will know the exact time of birth till it happens. So I will most probably have stay here and have Mandy's brother over, which means we will have to make sure either Mandy or your mother is with you, because need someone with you. The specialist suggested home birth but your doctor needs home history for that and even if we got more equipment here and the helicopter stood by there is still a risk to you and the baby." He gave a gentle huff not waiting to think of the rest then and tried a smile and continued. "On the other hand they are more used to home births here than in the city so should be able to cover eventualities and the choice will be yours and the doctors."

She understood his fears that they could lose so much after coming so far, and he never trusted things to go right anymore. But that could be dealt with later for now he needed reassurance that she could deal with it. She let her hand brush his and said gently. "It's okay we will work it out there's plenty of time. I can get more information from Mum and Sara without causing them concern and there is always the possibility they will be here anyway. If the baby comes early and they are not then Mandy or Jackie will be here for me. Now what about the riding."

She watched his smile brighten with anticipation reminding her of a child suddenly seeing something they had wanted might actually be within reach and heard the sadness leave his voice as he answered her. "Right … this applies to everything … I'll have to be supervised in case I zone out, but after I've been clear for three months I can go solo. So I'll have to have someone with me when I'm walking in the street obviously but when I'm here it can be like I was in the chair on good days with Shep being extra eyes and calling system."

He hesitated seeing Meg's puzzled expression then went on. "I can't expect Jackie to baby-sit me now I'm mobile so she's looking for part time work and I'll fall in with her schedule, Simon deserves to run the stable and you need your freedom during the day."

She nodded understanding that the last thing he wanted was her to nanny him, though she would willingly if the need arose and wondered why he hesitated giving her a slightly guilty look, which made her heart race with love rather than trepidation.

John gave a gentle sigh and then admitted. "You know I've not been too happy at the Club … still get whispers in my mind and I cease up completely when trying to walk no matter what we do. So I've decided I'll just be a financial partner and Terry can run it, he'll find someone to do my and Jackie's job and possibly hire students in the summer if needs be."

Thinking that was a good idea and reckoning he might work from the apartment she nodded and let him carry on, guessing he'd come to the point he thought she might not like too much soon enough.

"I'm going to move my office into the back of the Hardware Store, its all part of the stable complex I put some money in when I was spreading it around. Jim wants to do less so I thought I could deal with the books and see how we can modernize it. … I'll ride Sandy to the stable rather than taking the trap, Simon or Stephen can escort me there and home, Jim will be around serving in the shop so can monitor me from there. His son is interested in the stables rather than the shop but will swap between them depending on trade which means he'll be able to take care of Sandy and we can always get other assistants as the stable complex is developed." He added cheekily. "Of course if your father wanted to join the venture he'd be more than welcome."

That made her smile.

He went serious and slightly hesitant. "Simon and Stephen are developing the riding school and the trails … I thought as I get stronger and more mobile I might help them out … do some of the easy ones, act as a helper this year and move up the job next year." He stopped knowing his feeling of guilt and apology showed and not looking away from her waited.

Meg felt the full range of emotions from anger to understanding run through her as she realised these were plans rather than ideas and he'd said nothing to her!

John could understand her anger about being left out and hoping to make her understand before she blew up, gave half a smile and said in a soft gentle voice. "If the specialists had said no to my ideas then I would have let them rest. Just come back and sorted out how to work from home or at the stables if that idea was workable. Do develop management projects to keep me busy and find someone to act as a helper for me, and our baby when the time came. That would mean we could enjoy family life and you could still have some independence.

Jackie and Simon deserve to have their future as well. Either option is a huge improvement for me … I didn't want you to have the disappointment you would have felt on my behalf. …I know there is still a big if in all I've said and I accept it.

I want to make sure we have time together … quality time … there will be days or part of days off. … I know I can never work as much as I used to … don't think I want to … you, life and our baby are too precious. But I want you to be able to have the freedom to do your own thing ... we both know that essential.

I think I'm better around animals, outside and away from town. As much as I feel safe here I don't want to work and live in this apartment, I want to feel I can come and go. The room at the rear of the Hardware shop is large and open, looks out onto the paddock and stables and is relatively quiet. The room needs clearing out which should not take too long, office equipment is on order so I can move in by the end of the month. … Sorry I should have mentioned it … but nothing is set in stone you know that." He added with a slight smile.

She looked at him as she rubbed her hand against his cheek and felt him move against it, like a cat asking to be smoothed again; she was amazed, he must have been churning this over in his mind so no wonder he had been moody and slightly sad. He was still 'a loner' in not wanting to come out with the idea till it was complete, didn't like to mull ideas over in 'public'. She moved her hand away but kissed his cheek so he would understand she was not really cross with him.

She shifted so they could see each other comfortably and with a serious expression said gently. "Forgiven, this time … when we were together in Sunset Beach you were only just starting to be less self-contained … so I guess can't really expect you to be any less now. But, it would have been nice to have known what you were thinking … had the disappointment together if necessary. … After all, we talk about my ideas and plans for coming weeks so why not your future." She smiled as she continued. "In any case they sound great. These riding trips will they be for just a day or longer sort of sleep over in cabins?"

John looked at her for a moment still feeling the warmth of the kiss, taking in all that the smile meant and gave her a nod with a slow smile.

Seeing the slow smile Meg knew he'd taken the point to heart and might possibly work on it, hopefully and was surprised by his very gentle laugh as he carried on. "It will just be the odd hour; at the most part of a day, nothing more … you don't get rid of me that easily.

Money wise, our investments are good, no doubt ideas will come along that could provide extra income. The apartment is ours and we have the hotel for food so we'll not starve. Your work will slow down as the months go on and I will still be making slow progress so we will have plenty of time together."

Meg put in gently "Like we said at Christmas you do want makes you feel comfortable and we make our own memories this year. I'm happy to work when I need to either in town or from the apartment that will give us space as well. So, we've got to make sure you don't zone out as you do things which means taking it slow no rushing … no deadlines." He nodded and she realised he had already accepted that so asked. "If you go on rides with holidaymakers what about photos … that is assuming Simon will have you of course!" she added with a cheeky smile.

He gave a gentle laugh "Oh he will … I'm the boss." Then added seriously seeing Jack's silent reaction reminding him he was only half the boss. "I hope he will … if he doesn't or if I start zoning out while riding then I'll keep to financial work and just go for the odd ride with him.

Perhaps by getting away from the club the flashbacks, whispers and even the zoning out will stop. Though going to shops etc will take more time and may never happen but we will cope with that and you will still have your girls out no matter what happens. As for photos, well I'll be wearing my glasses as I do now but could change them to full sunglasses, riding cap or possibly a baseball cap. But I'll try and keep out of them as much as possible."

There was a knock on the apartment door, which Jack automatically got up to open, as he got there it was swinging open, he chuckled as he said, "Hi Sweetheart bush radar is working well today! Where's Jackie?"

"Never knew you cared Jack!" Simon exclaimed with a laugh ducking out of the way and into view of the others.

Jack didn't bother answering he was hugging Mandy who explained when he let her go and they both walked back to the lounge area. "As you're in one piece I guess its good news." She carried on looking straight at John with a smile. "She's with a new patient a young girl, who is polite, which makes a change from someone I know."

John looked straight back at her without batting an eyelid.

Meg got up to get some more drinks she loved the banter between them, and could not resist. "You mean that pain in the..."

"Hey! Meg that is soo unfair I hate hospitals and they know it!" John chipped in; Mandy gave a chuckle as she helped Meg sort out the drinks.

Simon looked at John as he sat on the empty sofa. "So you are going ahead then on both accounts?"

"Did you know about this?" Meg asked handing Simon a drink.

Simon took it and didn't hesitate telling her the truth. "Well he mentioned he liked riding and might want to come out on some rides so I told him to check with the Specialist first … I was the one who thought if he could ride he might be able to drive." He looked at John putting two and two together and sighed. "I guess I've got my work cut out when the snow goes but we can do some groundwork in the school barn possibly the paddock as well if you like. You know trot round instead of walking." then added looking from John to Jack then back to John. "Okaay what else should I know."

John gave a chuckle. "Your new part time learner may want to progress onto a helper for the easy rides if all goes well."

Thinking it through Simon nodded and grinned then exclaimed. "That's cool; we'll get all the beautiful women on horse back ... Hey, only kidding Meg honest! … … So we will take it really slow …months to work things out. You know I like to have extra back up when we are riding and we can juggle things around with Stephen and the others."

Jack chipped in seeing ideas could get out of hand. "He'll need to be supervised all the time; we'll use Shep to help free you up during the day. There must be at least 3 months clear of zoning before he can go solo walking, riding and driving. That is when he's mastered the art not including the learning period. He's handing the computer club over to Terry and moving to the back of the Hardware store and stables so he can move that complex on. That will free Jackie, though he still has a lot of therapy work to do yet. He's to use crutches if he ever walks outside but when he is totally relaxed he can start using a stick round the apartment and I assume that means the garden area as well."

"Of course it's all going to take time as he's not done much riding or walking yet." Meg reminded them.

"You know … I'm still here and can talk for myself." John said quietly but pointedly.

Mandy and Simon grinned knowing Jack was like an anxious Dad where he was concerned.

"Just saving you the trouble of repeating it all." Jack said innocently then became serious. "Meg has a point you've got to get around in the hotel grounds first so everything has to go slow and you can back off at anytime. Meg is still working, baby's not due till June, hotel is doing well and you're still attracting money with your ideas and stocks."

"Yeah Okay '**Dad**' thanks for the pep talk and I know you will not let us starve … so can we three discuss possible ways and means." John smiled at Jack who grinned and nodded.

Leaving the men to it for the moment Mandy sat down beside Meg and asked quietly "How are you about all this. "

Meg smiled "Relieved but like Jack with reservations … I knew he's been troubled by the Club but I did not know he had been churning these ideas around. No wonder he was moody this morning I don't suppose he talked to you about his ideas?" Mandy shook her head and Meg could see she was not lying and added. "He asked about the birth and found out he will not be able to be there the Specialist was worried about him flipping out because of the tensions and equipment in the room, he wondered about being in the car park but that was squashed. I thought the specialist just dealt with backs etc not the rest of it."

Mandy smiled. "He does, but I asked a friend of mine to attend as well. He knows about John's problem and has done some research into the other cases through out the country. They all had different starting points, male and female, different ages and out comes or progress, some good some bad. There seem to be two things that stay the same you don't push too hard and we learn to live within the restrictions. Like the others, we are all learning as we go along, as far as we can tell he's been doing very well indeed." Seeing her worried expression she reassured Meg. "Don't worry my friend knows John's privacy is paramount and rest assured regarding the birth Jackie or I would love to be there if you want us and we will not fight over it I promise. I think my brother, Paul and Simon might want to cope with John back here rather than have him pacing the cleared hospital car park."

Meg laughed remembering Mandy's other comments about John and the hospital as well as his admission earlier and said. "Yes please but I think he's hoping Mum will be able to come. The Specialist also mentioned homebirths but that could bring other problems but as you say we've got time to consider things. I think I would like you or Jackie to come with me when I have my scan if you don't mind.

Mandy smiled and gave a gentle. "Of course, tell us when and we can decide who. Don't forget you can show him the video or picture, and we'll go with you to any other appointments as well. … Of course being a doctor I'll keep an eye on you as well."

Meg smiled and nodded, remembering John's comment a couple of days ago and carried on. "He seems a bit easier about getting everyone here, I suppose as I show more it's going to be more important to him. I keep worrying something will go wrong after all I've had no morning sickness just a craving for these sweets."

Mandy nodded having heard those fears from other mums. "Should not worry plenty of first time mums just sail through it, some only realise they are pregnant when the baby drops out. We know we have to watch you because of your sister's history but she had a good birth in the end and it could have been having twins caused the problem at the beginning. Your mum and sister will expect questions to be asked so don't worry about that; they might suggest sending on the paperwork if not you can ask. So what about work?"

Meg pondered that idea and then said. "I'm at Tony's till end of February then I've got one more job lined up which is part time, not too sure how long it will be for. There is always the research job and the hours are flexible, Paul's work I can do at home with the odd trip down to the office or as he said he would come here and visit, which would please John. … No doubt Val will come so little work would be done, mind you she's got the wedding to plan. We've decided to take things as they come even take the year off if necessary."

"Good … Isn't Mat coming for the wedding?"

"Yes it will be good to see him again mind you he's going to be best man so anything can happen."

Mandy chuckled and looked at her watch. "Look we will push off now the men have an idea what's going to happen. I think I need a session with John preferably over the next couple of days so if you get him to ring me later to book a time. … Of course he won't fully unwind till Robert's been and gone." She gave a gentle laugh and added. "You never know if you find a nice roomy quiet restaurant you might get that meal out you've been dreaming about."

Meg smiled remembering their talks together.

The door to the apartment opened and Jackie walked in with a smile and asked. "Hi guys did I miss much."

Simon looked up and called out "Not much … only we'll be getting a new part time worker come rider some when in the future. How did your interview go?"

She looked at all their reactions, worked it out and exclaimed. "Great! … Jancy is 10 and will need therapy for a couple of hours a day to start off and with more later as she progresses. So, I guess you're giving me the sack then John."

Jack piped up "No not yet he …"

Was cut off with a sharp sarcastic "**Dad** … **I **can talk for myself thank you!" from John who then looked over to Mandy saying. "Take him home please!"

The others laughed and Jack came back "Hey watch it if you want driving lessons."

Jackie sighed "Oh no!"

"Yes trotting and walking with a stick only..."

"Jack! Home!" Mandy cut in sharply just beating John and Simon to it.

"Okaay I'm going!" Jack added with a smile as Mandy had got up and walked over to him, he looked at Jackie and added. "Things are on the table including the stick."

John shook his head but smiled, knowing Jack was just happy that everything was going to be all right and watched them go. Jackie grabbed the files while Meg got her a drink and brought the plate of cakes over then they settled on the sofa ready for a session.

"So John we are in for change again." Jackie said with a knowing smile.

He smiled "Yes can ride properly in the school and possibly the paddock if Simon says its okay and as you can see I now have a stick to chase you with. … So Jancy is a lovely 10 year old?"

Jackie laughed understanding his gentle teasing tone and accepted things would move a bit quicker now. "Yes she is."

John nodded and took a deep breath and said. "Good then perhaps she might be able to join other handicapped kids when I eventually go riding along the safe paths." They all looked at him and he carried on. "I'm going to need an escort either riding or on foot so rather than just ride with the learners I could ride with others who need escorts on foot … it would give them good therapy and a chance of something different. We can arrange a deal with a charity or hospital and perhaps if it works out could turn the part of the lodge or cabin over for short breaks then the carers could go into the mountains while their charges go on a ride. I don't know needs tossing around a bit."

He looked at them wondering if he'd made his idea clear, they all looked astonished, Jackie nodded finding her voice exclaimed. "Wow that's a great idea how long have you thought that?"

John looked at Meg and gave a chuckle and admitted. "On the ride back from the hospital and here now, I expect it was brought on by my chat with the specialists. I enjoy riding because it was easier than walking and it gives me a sense of being in control rather than being controlled, even if Simon is at Sandy's head making sure everything is all right. When I'm in the chair I have to look up at everything and can't make contact as we talk, you're behind me either pushing or walking as its difficult walking side by side. On a horse you get a better view and the person leading can look and talk … much nicer."

Meg smiled realising he had really taken her words on board and this was the result, thoughts and feelings, she saw Simon's expression and knew this was new for him as well he weighed up John's idea, she saw a nod and then he looked across to Jackie.

Jackie nodded her unspoken agreement, wondering what had brought on this change in John and voiced her thoughts. "We can check with Mum and local charities see what price they can afford, the horses should be okay. I think Jancy might be able to take part in the spring depending upon her progress of course, but I can put the idea forward give her something to aim for. She's very bright and wicked sense of humour …"


	44. Chapter 44

**Chapter 44**

Music was playing in the background of their apartment as Meg started to read her latest email.

A couple of moments later she gave a chuckle cutting across John's statement. "Tea's on the side." He liked that soft chuckle which held a lot of sympathy in it, but as he knew she was reading emails from home and not wanting to intrude too much but needing his curiosity answered, asked softly. "What?"

She gave another chuckle as she got up to get her cup of tea and as she reached the counter her glance was met by a slow smile with dark questioning eyes, which made her shake her head, heart flipping and wanting to withhold the answer for just a little longer.

But, as John's hand gently grabbed hers before she could reach her cup of tea she knew she would not win this battle, not that there had been any today … it had gone so well. So she gave in, sort of, and said with a smile. "Mail from Casey."

"Where's Sara?" John asked concerned knowing Sara was the one who wrote and released Meg's hand so she could get her cup of tea.

She loved his quickness and gentle concern her family and added. "She has flu/cold and is being restricted to bed." And knowing him so well snagged her cup of tea and put it near her computer on the dining table.

"And that deserves a chuckle?" He asked looking perplexed, which made her smile as she answered. "No … just that today of all days I will be writing to Casey not Sara."

She felt a shiver of love run up and down her spine as she saw his slow smile and heard his gently chuckle before he added "Point taken." understanding her completely.

As she saw it hidden in his smile she said gently, "I think you need to rest a while?" She knew he hated being 'babied' as he put it and waited for the slightly sharp comment as he took the hidden order, of lie down and rest, in her question on board.

But instead of the sharp comeback and closed down, she saw him stop and then still smiling with his eyes sparkling he said. "Okay … ask if you want help … I'm on the sofa."

She could not stop the flash thought to his statement or stop her soft chuckle and got a very soft comment from him "Later … but for now I'd like my cup of tea please." and then he started to walk slowly over the sofas.

Keeping her thought "Oh yeah" safely in her head she smiled at the implied promises as she got his tea and put it on the table for him. Unobtrusively though she watched him and saw he really had to concentrate while walking, which told her just how tired he was, but there in his body language was that 'I'm not going to give in till bed time' statement, which was some time away yet. She didn't want a fight knew he would stay quiet if left a lone so waited for him to sit, made sure the crutches were safe and within reach, then gave him a kiss which held a gentle promise for later and went over to her computer to start her reply to Casey.

The fact that it was to Casey not Sara felt strange, could she talk about the same things as she did with Sara. Should she talk about them and ask him to pass it on, and then there was that coincidence that Robert had come and they'd been mapping out Casey's future, which in itself was weird and of course she could not say anything about it. Oh joy. She suddenly thought and asked. "Is it okay to send a photo of the waterfall with Robert and his wife as a get well card?"

John pondered knowing she'd want to do something special for her sister being so far a way and, they knew Robert had or was calling and said. "Yes … but make sure it's kept private. Oh, don't forget that information Hank wanted, it's in Shock Wave Notes file 3 just attach it and give Casey the shorthand answer of yes, no and no so he can phone Hank."

Meg gave a snort of disbelief not only at the shorthand form of the answer but also the fact Hank would never have looked at his advice let alone ask from it when he was Ben in Sunset Beach. Now he not only asked but acting on it…

Her straying thoughts were interrupted by John's gentle instance. "He asked for quick answers Meg the rest is for clarification when Charles or whoever hears the ideas and the forms need to be filled in."

"Okay, I believe you." She answered cheekily as she found the notes and attached it to the blank reply. As she looked for the photo she wanted her mind flashed back to the pervious morning.

There was no denying they had been anxious … he was meeting Sue for the first time and it was another person to be added to the circle of knowledge, and she because they were going to start to meddle in Casey's and her families lives. With a flash of hind sight she knew they had nothing to worry about and hoped that it meant 'the fates' were with them, as part of her mind concentrated on the photos the other went back so she could see their arrival again.

John had been walking in from the garden area while she had been doing 'the finishing touches' to an already tidy apartment and was just asking John about their proposed ride to the waterfall when the door to the apartment from driveway opened and Robert walked in followed by Sue and Jack who was carrying a couple of very large bags. She turned round to greet them and smiled not only at them but also at Jack 'the Chief of Police' who was acting as luggage boy and had a very innocent smile, which always meant trouble … but not bad trouble … good trouble.

"Postman's arrived Meg" Robert said opening his arms for a hug while watching her as she came over towards him then with a beaming smile carried on. "Yes! Jack radiant is certainly one word for it … don't you agree Sue."

Now she knew the reason for that oh so innocent smile of Jack's and she could feel the love and warmth from Robert's hug and then gentle release so Sue could give her a hug.

Sue's laugh and smile were warm as she said "Yes definitely a word for it." after their hug she gently pushed Meg away and gave her the once over and nodded her approval and looked over to her husband.

Robert was smiling and looking over at John who had made it to the end of the kitchen area.

John had stopped, partly because he knew the limitations that had been put on him and to let the greetings take place. He knew that if Robert and Sue had come this far Sue must be in favour of what was happening and with Robert's smile felt better and said. "It's a case of you come to me if you want to save time as we are going this way anyway."

Robert gave a gentle laugh. "Not up to talking and walking then."

There was a flicker of amusement in John's face as he answered. "No and the crutches are so you don't have to pick me up off the floor, though I'm down to a stick if I'm really relaxed… which I'm not yet."

Robert could not resist asking with a tease as he looked from John to Meg. "How do you cope with arguments?"

"Oh that's simple I sit down and Meg walks out." John came back immediately without a hint of a tease.

Meg gave a snort and Sue laughed then walked over to John asking. "Is it dangerous to give you a hug?"

"Only if Robert complains or does likewise." John said with a tease looking at Robert who was grinning.

Sue and John hugged though it was a bit difficult because of the crutches but neither minded. Once released Sue stepped back and with gentle respect and understanding reassured him. "I know you are both very happy and I'm pleased to finally meet you. Robert's explained everything and as I don't go to Sunset anyway your secret is safe."

"Thank you and it's nice to meet someone who can keep him in line." John replied with a smile.

Robert came over to John carrying on the banter. "Hey, that's enough … it's bad enough getting it from Meg in her mail." As he got level with John he put his hand on his shoulder and added with pleasure and admiration. "You are looking and doing so well John."

"Thank you." John said with genuine pride.

Meg was amazed at the respect these two seemed to have for each other … she knew and loved them in different way … but they only knew each other from a short visit and through her mail.

Jack chimed in. "Meg your parcels from family are on the table … I stopped Robert from hiding your tin of goodies from your mother … he's already started his."

Meg looked across at Robert who gave her a very innocent look she suppressed the giggle knowing these two had had the car journey to trade secrets and turned to Jack, emphasising his name so he knew that she knew exactly what he was up to "Thanks **Jack**" then back to the group in general adding. "I was just asking John about the trip to the waterfall."

Jack looked over at John who answered his questioning look. "If we go now we should beat any snow storm and yes I'm fine, just slow."

"Oh great snow … that means getting snowed in!" Robert exclaimed with a smile.

"Anything for a good hotel and pool I know." Sue sighed then with a knowing look she carried on. "You know he's dropped so many hints about this waterfall and pool over the weeks and then on this flight, I'm not too sure which one he will end up **in**."

As the others chuckled at Robert's expression to her threat John whispered to Sue "Jack will help you." Then louder "We'll go through the garden room." and started to walk with Sue in that direction.

"The upstairs Meg?" Robert asked noticing in the stairway as they went past.

"Just an open space though the workmen will be coming next week to put in the glass walls."

Sue looked at John "Sounds interesting."

"They can be darkened for privacy." John said as he moved slowly.

"I thought it was **one** thing at a time so **no **talking." Robert said pointedly getting his own back on John's earlier staged whisper.

"He can say one or two simple things." Jack put in with a tease.

John stopped and turned as the door opened into the garden room and gave him a dirty look, which went on to Robert who was smiling and obliviously resisting a comment. Meg could not stop her chuckle so got the end of the look, which turned into a sigh as Sue exclaimed with an innocent smile "The garden's beautiful John."

Meg came out the flash back as she found the photo and reflected on the new friendship which grew during the trip to the waterfall, over the meal and during the discussions about the future. It all ended in hugs and promises for future trips before Robert got his promised dip in the pool and night of luxury before their early start back to the airport they had used and the transfer back to the other plane and then on to Denver for business meetings and finally back to Seattle.

She set the photo up then attached it and finally started her mail trying to remember it was Casey she was writing to not Sara.

**Hi Casey**

**This feels strange writing to you not Sara so excuse any sisterly comments I make, well you know I like having mail from you as well. **

**Sorry about Sara getting flu/cold. Trust you are healthy. I will resist any comments about it being quiet … no doubt the twins will make up for it … I expect you have lots of help knowing Mum and Aunt Bette are around. **

**Wish I could be there for you. Instead here's a get well card for Sis.**

**Yep one of that waterfall … as requested I'm in it … as before I would like it kept between the four of you … as you can see Robert arrived safely with his beautiful wife. **

**We had a wonderful day and trip, tried an interesting horse and cart rather than two horse and traps … it's like a high sided hay cart … though the sides are not too high and has seats with very warm blankets and canvas round the sides to keep the wind out but not over the top as John does not like enclosed spaces and you would miss the view anyway, which you want as that is the reason for the trip. **

**Might have to re think seating (a bit hard) and how to get on and off (a bit steep) but the idea is good. Sun was out while we were there and we just made it back before a small snowstorm … it did not interfere with their travel plans … much to Robert's disappointment. Glad to say everyone got on, though its worn John out so he is resting for the next few days. **

**Tell Mum her treats got here safely and we will enjoy them over the next few days and warn her that Robert will be delivering some parcels … they are all marked with respective dates and who to so no peaking!!!! (No doubt he will ask for more cookies, as he loves them so much, though Sue warned him he would have to go on a diet, mind you she was smiling at the time so no doubt it has been tried and failed before. (Not saying he's over weight or anything. Okay I'll stop digging this hole.) **

**And before Sara asks yes I took advantage of the sales and Robert being cheaper than the post hope you all like them. Yes I do know it's sneaky dealing with all the year's birthdays and anniversaries at once and leaving Mum or you to deal with it but I will try and email everyone on the right days just to prove I still remember you all.**

**Glad to know enquires re goods are working out, thought it was best to give you main suppliers rather than our local supplier. **

**Attached are the notes for Dad from John … he said for quick answers you can give to Dad over the phone they are yes, no and no in that order … I'm told he will understand … all the factual stuff is in the attachment, which Dad will need later when he meets with whoever he's dealing with. … Hope that makes sense.**

**Also there is an idea we've come up with to put something by for the twins let me know if you like the idea. No rush and yes we would like to do something while they are babies.**

**On to us … good news about John he is progressing well and has been given the go ahead regarding riding if all goes well and he has to have 3 clear months of no blackouts then he will be able to ride and walk alone … he is hoping eventually to drive our horse and trap but we will have to see about that. I've decided once baby is born I would like to try as well … we have bridleways so there wouldn't be any lorries or cars to worry about though horse traffic may slowly increase. As he still has blackouts and needs a lot of rest …things are not clear-cut and the stress might be too much anyway. **

**As for me I'm fine still keeping well (will give you scan photos when I get them so tell Sara not to worry) got lots of work on … but not too much … I know Dad was worried about finances don't be John has put money by for the birth and baby in my name. I keep any money I earn and I'm getting lift into work on days I have to travel and can stay home if the roads look bad. (A lot of 'mother hens' around so Mum can stop worrying, Mandy calls in occasionally.)**

**Give love to everyone … take care of yourself … hope you and the babies do not get the bug! … Thanks for photos will need a new computer to store them on soon. (Only kidding) I will give Mum and Dad a ring one evening to check on you that way you will not be disturbed too much. **

**Don't forget the rule … when babies and Sara sleep so do you. **

**Meg.**

Meg sent her mail and got up to go over to John and smiled remembering her last comment in the email. She knew she wouldn't sleep and was tempted to plant a gentle kiss on John's forehead as she got close, then resisted the temptation. Instead she would do her other favourite past time, that of sitting quietly on the sofa opposite and watch him as he lay stretched out, with his head resting on the cushion looking so peaceful as he slept.

She sat down quietly and made herself comfortable, feeling the slight changes in her body as the weeks of her pregnancy were progressing, and watched as with equal quietness Shep came from his favour place and rested his head on her lap his dark eyes watching her as though in sympathy. She gave a whisper of a chuckle and stroked his head letting her mind drift back to the group discussion round the table in the conservatory in the hotel; rest of the guests used the other lounges and dinning room so they could be private.

For a while she'd joined Sue looking out over the valley which was stunningly beautiful in the snowstorm though they could hardly call it a storm as the wind had dropped so the snow drifted down out of the sky with the added beauty of the sun shining over the rest of the valley. Eventually they got down to business, her families future, she gave a sigh and a smile it sounded cold, the conversation and care had been anything but cold and Sue gave them the unemotional outsiders view they needed to hear. Now, it was the waiting game hoping that Casey would pick up the ball and run with it and Fate would not let it be dropped into the wrong hands.

The idea was simple Robert using other firms had organised a Business and Conservation Conference in Sunset Beach for the beginning of February knowing AJ would send Casey and possibly another on behalf of Liberty Corp. hopefully not only to get ideas but put some forward. From there they would be able to put the idea around he was head hunted for a job by Paul's firm via Matt's side of the business which was big enough to hide any connection with Robert's organisation. If he just went to watch and listen then the other ploy would be an advertisement in the paper later on and hopefully it would tempt him away from Sunset Beach either route would take months and they would have to accept it. They now had a helping hand in that her family understood her reservations about being in Sunset Beach even if they didn't know exactly what they were; also her pregnancy would make them more willing to take a chance on a move.

From what Robert knew of Casey's job at the moment, what John knew about Casey, as well as input from herself meant they could target his likes but not make it 'the dream job' or too good to be true job. So they came up with a conservation research job which would include visiting firms as well as getting the interest of young people through clubs etc. The added enticements were free travel for family on business trips as well as accommodation for the first six months. This would be a large house that Val was converting into two flats; one or both could be retained for her family with an added offer to purchase once they arrived if they wished, but that bit would be left out for now.

She felt Shep move to get up and came out of her thoughts and realised that John was watching her, she smiled as he said a little sleepily. "Guess I needed that … like a walk round the garden before we eat?"

She gave a gentle laugh especially as Shep was already making his way over to the door; she got up and went over to help John up who was sitting up now. Accepting her help he said gently. "You know I should be doing that to you not you to me."

She smiled saying. "I'll let you when the time comes and let you watch me sleep as well."

"Now that I can live with." John said with a smile allowing her to steady the crutches as he slipped them on and steadies himself to start walking with her to the garden, Shep was stood waiting for the command to step on the mat to open the door.

"Go on Shep!" John gently commanded. Shep glanced back at the couple as if checking they were really coming, happy they were he stepped onto the mat and ran a head as soon as the door opened.

Meg said with a laugh "You know our child will be doing that as soon as he or she can crawl or walk."

"Then Shep will bring him or her back." John said with chuckle, which Meg joined in with as she pictured the scene.


	45. Chapter 45

**Chapter 45**

**Hi Sis**

**Yep still here sorry about long silence, guess Robert's been and gone … talk about saying the obvious – I know he's been and gone because he's been and robbed Mum of her cookies again – must be still a bit fuzzy from the flu – lol **

**Thanks for the photo of the waterfall and you with them. I notice you cheated thick coat hides any sign of the bump … Okay I know it's not really showing yet. (But I can dream) … You wait. **

**It was nice to see Robert's wife in it, brought back memories of Bette's wedding if I remember rightly those two got on like a house on fire.**

**Suppose work on your apartment must be in hand Robert said something about glass walls upstairs sounds really cool.**

**Yes … Cold/Flu has gone (I would not wish this one on my worst enemy … umm okay perhaps one) goodness knows how the twins or Casey did not get it. It would have been nice to appreciate all the room service I had and taste the food I tried to eat … I guess I did by getting better.**

**But now I'm back and with latest news, I know Mum or Casey have had words so you are up to date … but that will not stop me from going over things. (Any excuse for a long chat … even one way as this one is.)**

**Anyway great news about your New Year Dance must have really taken your breath away especially as he managed to keep it a secret from you AND to do it there … so romantic … Wow! Talk about telling the world he loves you and trusts you. **

**Casey gave me a CD of with the song on by the singer as a get well present and boy doesn't he sing the song well! the rest of the songs were great … love it when they are mixed artists on CD. Having said that there is one song I will not listen to again, the singer's voice grated.**

**Just a thought does John know about Casey and my escapade with a certain sinking cruise ship. Never could watch that and the other film afterwards … at least now when I hear the song I can think of you on the dance floor instead of water closing over us. Mind you the island we landed on was not bad, just the rescue was a bit too soon. LOL only kidding it showed us just how much you and Ben cared for us. **

**You know that's the only thing that is a shame at the moment … the loss of Casey's and Ben's friendship … but hey it might come back you never know at least we have some thing in common – the babies. **

**Talking of babies - as you know twins true to form let us know about New Year - feeding and diapers Yuck! Well Mum and Dad are having the treat of baths and yep! feeding and diapers too, evil aren't I. (They are the experts after all.)**

**Okay on with my story we (as in adult family) have come to a big conclusion I love the babies but I need Sunset Sisters so Mum is having the angels on a regular basis and I am going to plague all the customers (of course that is when I get up to strength! And in case you are worried it will only be part of a couple of days a week) and I think will double charge any who mention Babies! **

**Oh all right not all the time but you must admit it would be good for profits … Of course we could take them in for a couple of hours and get the sales that way. LOL**

**Hey surprising News … Dad and Tim are getting together work wise. **

**Tim is fed up with office work all the time, misses people so Dad is working on the idea that he can become the acting manager - share the job rather than acting I think - they will have to sort out who does the ordering and the books though. Tim wants 'baby time' as well and Dad wants to work between Shock Wave and Sunset Sister and the twins. … No don't ask me when he's going to sleep, because I haven't a clue. Mum and I will work things out as well so next couple of weeks or months will be interesting.**

**You know it must be an 'all change year this year' as Casey has also been thinking about something new … Oh don't get me wrong he likes the job at Lib. and they are good employers … gave him time off to look after me and babies without hesitation and no back-log to go back too. But like Tim he's been missing the people, the beach and the differences. Can understand it, same people in the office then come home and it's us or family. Perhaps I should not have made him change jobs … but he admits it is more dangerous now and with the babies he would have thought of a change anyway. **

**Thinking about it there must have been a certain thrill while he was a lifeguard; I mean he never quite knew what he would be doing on any given day. Even when training the others a rescue crew could be called out and he'd have to go … and to be honest no one really drowns in an office due to paper work … they just feel like it. Not that I want anyone to drown, but I think you understand my drift.**

**To cap it all, he's had to hand over the boys club to the dreaded town next door as the chief here has suddenly left and he, Casey, cannot spend enough time to become the chief and find a deputy or be acting Chief and find a Chief. So that means that outside interest has been taken away from him as well, friends are there but also have commitments.**

**Anyway, work wise he's decided to give it another couple of weeks then look through the advertisements in the papers and on the Internet and ponder ... it's not going to be a rushed thing. He's going to a conference here in Sunset in a couple of days time so perhaps he might find something there or get new ideas to help bring back the thrill in his working life.**

**I think he's thinking of looking into a roving rep for conservation in business or working with kids in someway, something that will give him a variety day to day. I've told him that if it means moving that will be fine as long as Mum and Dad can come too. I am sooooo bad. **

**Mum and Dad do know he's restless and told him to do what is right for him and me … that was really good of them considering our plans might up root them but then they did move from the farm on a sort of whim so I guess they know what they are doing.**

**Which leads me into this … if anything or before anything happens … perhaps you should get your thinking cap on about the apartment and Sunset Sisters. Just to point you in the right direction we would need money hint hint rather than a sleeping partnership with the idea of long-term profits. **

**To be honest I think Dad is also missing the farm … ever since he talked with Jack he's been reminiscing about those days, not every five minutes but once in a while and not in a sad way … I suppose it was a big part in his life and the family home not only ours but his. Mum's just happy to be where ever he is, which is good.**

**Oh yes outside News hot off the press … The Deep was raided.**

**As in POLICE RAID you know sirens, black clad figures breaking down doors and running amuck with the customers. The worse part is it was Ben's night on as the others were away for two nights and they had a special do in the restaurant side… At least they had finished the main part of the meal just coffee and speeches were interrupted. The Police didn't find any drugs or under age drinkers of course, but I bet Ben was hopping mad. (Loved to see the security camera film or been a fly on wall) **

**The reason for the raid … well our dear old Police Department has a small new drugs department and I think they were trying to make a point. Wrong person to try it on though … everyone knows Ben is hot on that kind of thing and so are the new people … it is known as a safe place to go single or not. **

**At least they had the decency to raid the Blue Fishes as well and got a couple of hits … I bet if they had not gone there would have been questions as to why not, after all it has a reputation of being a bad house. **

**I saw Gabi this morning she is fine by the way, said Ricardo got an ear full from Ben but they managed to sort things out. I asked if they both ducked at the right times she laughed and said it was done peacefully. **

**Otherwise, Ben and family are going from strength to strength Sammy is lovely … walks with support … guess that's what comes with having an older brother around as well as an attentive father. Mind you the whole family looks really good together, and with you being so happy and starting your own family I guess things worked out for the best. **

**Though on the wider family front things are quite strained between Carmen and Ricardo. We all thought once or just after the 'little one' came along she would relent … but no way. Maria and Gabi keep a distance between each other, there is no bad feeling as far as I can see just different personalities and I suppose the need to not feel as though one is spying or telling on the other. I suppose it also helps that Ben and Ricardo are not exactly pally just accept each other. **

**To be honest I think Gabi and Ricardo like the peace and quiet, it's not as though they don't have friends … Antonio is fine, must feel a bit like the one caught in the middle sometimes … it's surprising what a good listener he is. Guess he must know all the hot gossip but you know he'll never be spread around. **

**Onto other people … Michael and Vanessa send love still no baby news there, but Vanessa has been getting good stories lately and been over to Seattle a couple of times. Reckon there could be a move there if a paper shows interest after all Michael could get a good job in Seattle hospital or go private now he's got his qualifications and experience. **

**Annie … well what can I say … she seems to be quietening down and making a go of her part of the gallery. How do I know … well I was in the shop just checking up on an idea with the others and she came in I thought on the prowl for trouble. But no she wanted something and my advice! … I hate to say this but her ideas made sense so I helped her. … Do you think I could claim commission if it is a success. **

**She is still with Jude and has been seen sitting on the beach talking to Ben and Maria sometimes together sometimes alone (if you see what I mean) just as well we all know they are friends nothing more. **

**AJ and Bette are good but I guess you know that if you still read the paper on the Web. **

**Umm... an admission so don't get cross with us please!**

**Tyus flew in a couple of days ago … no not on his broomstick by plane … sorry sorry could not resist it.**

**He was attending some boring meeting had free time and came to see the twins, well we all know he's a softy at heart and brave as I had just got over the bug. (Of course there was no danger of him getting it as the bug had already said thanks and gone.) He was not alone he had his wife with him she is a real dark beauty with a wicked sense of humour and works at the same hospital as he does. She really brings the best out in him but we left him with Mum and the twins and I showed her round Sunset Sisters, we bumped into Vanessa and they got on famously and of course she bought lots of goodies, they both did actually. **

**I must try that on other friends. Wicked I know umm guess I'd have to drum up strangers introduce them to said friends. Don't know have to think on that.**

**Anyway, the point which I am getting round to (slowly) is they got talking (Mum and Tyus that is) and things came round to John. She described what little you have told us and bits she got from Mandy, … no don't get cross, … it's not good for baby remember … and it's not that bad really. **

**Long and short of it is we now know what is wrong with John and understand why you are being so careful (cagey) … we also know the name but as it is long, unpronounceable and unspellable (okay so the computer does not like that word nor does the dictionary but it looks nice and this between sisters right … oh okay you can show John as well if you like) anyway we forgot it. **

**WELL … big sigh (grab a tissue you might need it) … What we really want to say is we are with you all the way no more pointed questions or anything else. Tyus explained you both need space, support and the condition is for life as far as anyone knows … don't want to put you off but the doctors are still learning about it. … But I guess you know that already. **

**We know John will never travel to us. … Horses don't fly no matter how drunk you are. Had a lovely picture of you and he on horseback jumping from cloud to cloud … never going to happen I know ... and he most probably didn't like you travelling either certainly not now … so we don't expect it either. **

**So … wish him love from us and tell him to rest and take all the time he needs to get his strength back and not to feel guilty (though saying that will most probably make him feel guilty - one of those no win situations).**

**Family love by email and odd phone call is fine … just remember … we are here for you at any time good or bad and that includes him should he ever want to contact us and we understand that will be his decision as well. **

**Mum said that when the baby is due if you want her with you let us know and she will come out and we will not track her to find out where you are … no doubt Robert can act as go between. It's good to know he is around and no doubt a friend to both of you. How you happened to find him was amazing bit of good luck when you think about it and we will accept the information he gives us and not question him too much.**

**We know Mandy is around and she will be a good stand-in mother if the baby comes unexpectedly. Nothing will be said to anyone I promise... we want you to be happy! Tell John that includes him as well! **

**I was thinking (yes I do do it and good ideas come occasionally) when the kids can travel perhaps you and child can come on holiday with us meet there or at an airport on route. We could take videos so John can see what fun they are having; no doubt he and you will have lots of laughs when played back at home. It will bring him into the family and let you be with us. He will know you are safe and not feel anchored to one spot because of things and hopefully he'll not be ill through stress. And yes we know you love him to bits.**

**(Can I have the tissue back a second. …. Thanks)**

**But that is for the future. You have yet to go through that thing called pregnancy and I'm green that you have so far escaped morning sickness … they do say it can strike later … Oh so bad I know … I hope you sail through it. **

**Mum thought you might like family medical history and will have word with doctors and see if we can send joint notes through us not hospital. She also said homebirth might work if you can't get to hospital. … She said I quote "She dropped us at home." … Should we be worried I wonder? … Oh just remembered she really meant we came easily … will not say Dad's comment though. **

**You know it must be quite something to see you and John in a horse and carriage going along the road or do you still travel by car and eventually meet up. Last question honest? Who am I kidding? **

**Screams of laughter are coming from the bathroom so I guess Mum and Dad are being bathed by the twins … must go and rescue someone but don't know who!**

**Casey sends love of course being a sensible lad he is out at a Lifeguard celebration. (He might not work there anymore but still manages to go to the 'dos')**

**Told you it was a long chat and done in one go! **

**Love and wet kisses all round (and of course from the rest of the family)**

**Sara.**

Meg felt tears start to come as she finished reading her mail, the love in it was nearly too much, especially as she could feel John's hand on her shoulder as they read the e-mail together. She turned so she could read his expression and smiled as he handed her a tissue, and could see how deeply it was affecting him.

She took the tissue and wiped her eyes then said gently feeling the need to talk. "See I told you everything will work out all right … it's a shame about the club though. But if he is thinking of moving … the conference should work out well. She didn't say he was speaking at the do so I guess we will have to use the advertisement route and hope he follows it through. … January seems to have flown by in spite of the snow."

John gave a slow smile, his voice just emotionally as hers. "Yes your right they will be fine … I was a bit worried when Mandy said she chatted to your mother and I'm glad Tyus sounds settled." He gave a gentle sigh as he carried on. "You know Casey will feel it even more now he's lost the club … he always loved the thrill of being with people, kids … never really knowing what was going to happen next. She's right no one's drowned in paperwork but Casey might be the one feeling like it."

Meg smiled as he carried on with a gentle almost sympathetic laugh in his voice. "I bet my brother was hoping mad, at least he didn't actually hit out at Ricardo, guess we'll read about it on the web … … Do you fancy a walk while you think of a reply … we can take Shep through the garden and I'll watch you from the gate if you want to go further."

"No just round the garden will be fine and Shep can exercise himself." She got up and kissed him and got their jackets. Then with his arm resting on her shoulder for token support they walked slowly through the apartment and out into the garden.

Shep bounded in front of them with only a brief stop at the gateway as if to make sure they were not going to follow him before disappearing into the evening darkness.

As they walked in their comfortable silence round the garden Meg felt the steadiness of him beside her, and let him chose which paths he wanted to take and how long he wanted to stay out. Her mind was a buzz and flitted into the future of Spring and them walking through the garden into the sunken garden her other favourite place, with echoes of family laughter and presence in the air. Just as quickly her mind came back to here and now, and she knew tonight they would sit in front of the fire with a drink and music in the background and talk about friends and family and her sister's amazing email.

John's gentle voice broke into her thoughts. "Tea inside."

She nodded wondering if he could read her mind and by his gentle smile she saw guessed he could or perhaps he just wanted to talk and knew talking and walking still led to tangles. Either way tea sounded good and walked with him inside knowing Shep would come back in his own good time.


	46. Chapter 46

**Chapter 46 **

As soon as Meg entered the Hardware shop she smiled that everything was okay and put her fingers to her lips to say she wanted to surprise John and handed Jim a note before walking through the shop to the office at the rear.

Jim took the note with a nod.

Meg reckoned the second part would be harder than the first because of Shep so she walked on silently, and when she came to the open doorway to John's office she stopped and leant against the framework. As there was no welcoming bark she wondered if Shep was getting telepathic and knew she wanted to surprise John or perhaps he was just sleeping, been out chasing rabbits or whatever. With that thought she looked round the office understanding why John felt more relaxed here.

Although the one at the computer club was big enough for two people to work in and had a large window as well as a roof-light it never really felt open, possibly because it looked out onto a walled yard where the children could play basketball. Here he could feel the space all around him as it was large enough for several people to work in and still move around. Granted there was the usual office clutter including filing cabinets along one wall and several tables, which had computers etc as well as a couple of easy chairs. His own chair was in the corner as he was still using the wheelchair, which she knew would eventually be put in the corner once he felt safe enough to use the crutches. Then hopefully as at home he would walk with a stick or on good days without, although walking and talking was till a problem so he might not go so far here as he would need to talk and think about business.

She smiled as her thoughts drifted into the future and how he might cope with their child running around. But then a movement across the room brought her attention back and she let her gaze drift round the room taking in the view from the large windows at the side and end of the room giving a panoramic view of a passageway which led to the stable complex and the paddock with the backdrop of the forest and pathways up into the mountains all giving the room its lovely quiet atmosphere.

As her gaze settled on him, she enjoyed that special joy of watching him unnoticed as he was looking out at a group of horses, which included Sandy whinnying as they cantered round the paddock in the early evening light. She half heartedly pondered whether to call out or knock on the open door not really wanting to disturb him as he looked as though he was miles away with the horses or just in thought of nothing much.

His gentle voice solved the problem for her. "It's okay the wall will stay up if you come in Meg."

There was a gentle laugh in her voice as she replied. "I thought you were miles away and had not heard me."

He turned towards her; his smile of welcome was mainly in his eyes which she could read so well these days, as he said. "Jim buzzed my phone as soon as he saw you, probably before you came into the shop. The light flashes rather than a ringing tone so I saw it's reflection in the window and then Shep's tail started wagging way too fast for anyone else so I shushed him and waited. … The man flew in and repaired the carriage and a few other things as word got around he was coming. So it's still here if you want a lift back home. He muttered about making a working base here as the building has a built-in ramp and is easier for his back." He paused and looked at her then smiled with love as he asked gently what was really on his mind. "How did you get on? "

In response to his smile hers grew deeper as she knew it must have been very difficult for him to sit and wait, she knew he read in her smile that everything was okay. Staying silent she moved quickly across the room to his side and then said lovingly, "We are fine … and I'd love a lift if that's all right."

She held out the photo, loving that gentle touch he gave her as he took the photo and watched as he silently looked at it gently fingering the very small fuzzy lighter shape against the dark spotted background of the scan picture of their baby.

"I know so small." She said softly gently resting her hand on his shoulder and then with a catch in her voice remembering her feelings as she saw the fuzzy image that was their baby for the first time and heard it's heart beat. "Everything is fine, the heart beat sounded so fast but that was normal. We've got a short video for later."

She took a breath, knowing she was using emotional blackmail hitting him while he was venerable, but she really wanted to go out and celebrate with him then added. "But first I'd love to go to that restaurant round the corner." She knew if she had to she would accept a 'no' lovingly and went on to reassure him gently. "I've looked round the ground floor it's got large windows with a view into the garden so you should be all right and Shep can stay with us. They will treat him as a guide/alert dog and its early so it will not get crowded. Mandy says the Chef is good, she knows the family, and Jackie would love a meal out with Simon." She ended with a gentle tease knowing he would be stuck here if Simon or Jackie decided to stay.

She watched him turn away from the photo and look at her, saw his eyes were bright but there was no other emotion as he said quietly to her. "You've been after this for a while and using Jackie and Simon is a bit unfair."

She gave a chuckle accepting his tease and said. "Well its the end of February, we've the scan to celebrate as well as you managing a couple shops though we know you can't go into the main part of town." She hesitated wondering how wise it was of her to bring up their recent setback.

John gave a gentle laugh, understanding her need and his, and said. "Okay we'll try it but you'd better warn them … I'm assuming Jackie's cleared it with Simon." Meg nodded with a gentle laugh as he carried on in a teasing huff. "Wouldn't have won if I'd said no then." Still smiling she shook her head, with a sigh he added seriously. "Well, I need to clear up a few things here so perhaps you could tell Jim that Simon will rig Sandy up later. That is assuming Sandy has enough energy he's been playing tag with a couple of new horses staying here.

She brushed her hand against his cheek and said brightly. "Already done Simon will be over in a while and I'm going to grab a decaf coffee over at the club with Jackie … ring when you are ready … I've booked for half six to seven they said we can have drinks if we are early."

As she spoke he lightly grabbed her hand and kissed then released it as she finished and said softly. "Toast the baby's first photo."

"Yes" she leant over and kissed him then said. "I'll leave you the picture, I've got another couple of hundred in my bag." She laughed at his expression and explained. "Mandy wanted one she said Jackie would as well, then there's Val and I'll scan one for Sara, you need one, the list is endless. … I hope Sara mails about Casey soon its killing me not to ask about the advert and she's not telling!

John chuckled as he watched her go, understanding her impatience and feeling remarkably happy and content now he knew everything was okay.

oxoxo

Later that evening Meg scanned her photo in, and the emails for anything from her sister but there was nothing. So she got her head round their wonderful evening and started to type her mail guessing it would provoke a response.

**Hi Sis **

**First off - attaching first picture of baby. Too small to tell he or she so perhaps next time … bet you've already looked at the attachment. **

**Tell Mum Mandy came with me, as you can guess as soon as they recognised her, being relief doctor; they made sure they didn't make any mistakes. But being Mandy she soon put them at their ease, and me because the doctor looks very young … but he knows what he is doing. Of course it was a shame John could not be there with me and I missed him deeply but his expression when he saw the scan photo nearly brought tears to my eyes and he kept it with him all evening … more of that bit later. Can't tell you everything at once … can I. **

**Everything is fine with the baby and me and I'm starting to look at the next size up though not really showing … so tough if you thought you were going to get a picture. **

**I sheepishly have to admit I keep looking and buying toffees but as you know I hate the stuff … as soon as I put it in my mouth I feel sick and spit them out. So I give them to John and Jackie (not tasted ones I hasten to add but often unwrapped as I forget I don't like them) John is getting quick in substituting those other sweets … soon those two will have to go on diets. John has threatened to hang a notice round my neck "do not let her buy toffee!" Umm any ideas!! (no rude ones please) **

**I know you are taking count of our months regarding John's progress … well we are back to the beginning as we tried to go into a shop near the busier part of town (to state the obvious we are in the quiet end of town). He was in the chair and the shop doorway was too narrow for it. As we both wanted to look at something too large to be brought to the doorway, he thought he would try walking with crutches; we had our helpers with us as usual and he hadn't done much so we thought okay. The goods were near the entrance so it wasn't to far to walk … this was a big step for him … a strange shop and done on the spur of the moment. The shop didn't have very many customers in either. We looked and discussed and did not like it after all … typical … so went outside and knew we'd have to think again. Before the roadway had been quiet now there was a traffic jam - two lorries stuck trying to get through a small space so it was horns hooting, car engines as well as the lorries engines and unfortunately John blacked out as he got in his chair. **

**Luckily he collapsed into the chair … it was really scary and brought us back to reality … I think we were all thinking about all the improvements and forgot certain things will never go away. So we are having a rethink about what we can and cannot do, but the good thing was he only blacked out for a moment, though it seemed like years to me and he was back to his normal as soon as he came round which was good.**

**The shopkeeper was nice and offered to send us brochures and photos of anything we wanted or even deliver the goods and then collect if we decided against them. (He does not know what he's let himself in for … perhaps he does … because we would like to buy something, as he's been so nice.) **

**I suppose I/we fell into the trap of forgetting about the restrictions he's had to live with before I met him. When I first met him he'd only been out in the garden and very restricted journeys into town in his wheelchair, now I'm used to him moving with ease in the wheelchair and starting walk. So easy to forget that each journey he makes outside the apartment is a journey into the unknown for him and us. I guess we will be more careful and he's going to have his shadow with him a lot longer than we thought. **

**Needless to say we decided to leave that end of town alone and keep to our quieter old-fashioned end, which has a mixture of small shops, business and residential. Hey if you think it's a way for him to save money forget it we go on the net and of course friends and I can raid the other shops.**

**Having said that, to celebrate the scan hence him keeping the photo close beside him we went out tonight. … Yep to a restaurant … heh **

**It's in our end of town and new so very quiet, ground floor with wide entrances, so we could swoop in together not the usual squeeze in narrow doorways. Loads of space between tables so no tangling wheelchair with other chairs, big windows and a door into the garden where the owner hopes to have tables in the summer … now of course it still has a covering of snow. **

**Hey! Spring is just around the corner… having said that snow is forecast again. But not a lot and apparently might not make it this far. **

**Okay, back to our meal, it was John and I and our two carers (shadows, friends whatever you like to call them … we call them all three) we all ordered different things and tasted each other's as you do, and we did not get looks from the waiters/waitress who were very good. All the dishes were Lovely !!!! (The food not the containers or waiters … though they were not too bad! Hey caught the men eyeing the waitresses so it was okay for us to eye the waiters … in a nice way of course). **

**Nope no menu takes too long, it was huge, cooked most things fresh so there was a bit of a wait but that was okay. Yes we did three course so will not need feeding for a week!! As for the puddings!!! Who needs the other courses! **

**John was in the chair, as I said loads of room for him and the lovely thing was they allowed Shep, in … treated him as a guide dog once we explained he was John's alert dog. Of course poor old Shep had to sit through the meal and not have any but the chef gave us a doggy bag for him so that was his treat when he got home. No it was not made of scraps John chose from the menu! **

**The price of the meal was not too bad but I was glad John was paying!!! (His treat but it was my suggestion in view of the scan.) The owner knows John slightly and made sure we were given space when other people came in for their meals, we also knew we could escape into the garden if John felt poorly … he did not and loved the meal so I'm looking for an excuse for the next one!!!**

**As you know John is walking round the apartment without a stick some of the time though he is still in the chair in his new office and outside … he will have to wait till all the snow is gone along with very cold mornings which hopefully will not be too long, before he tries outside. Snow's going in the lower valley and the lower safe riding paths are clear which is a good sign. **

**He is settled in his new office, which is spacious, on the ground floor and looks out onto stables and a paddock. ... It also looks out onto the passageway to them but it will never be crowded enough to bother him. It is nice to think of him being out and about and amazes me the way people help him and he manages to cope so well with the set backs. **

**For a while once a week he'd have shorter therapy session and his business friends would congregate at the apartment for a meeting as he could not go to them. That sounded like a huge meeting but it's rarely more than three and it never mattered even if it was just one. It usually started about three o'clock and I would often see them go when I got back after work about half five to six o'clock. Sometimes they would stay a little longer using my home coming as an excuse to carry on. **

**They had the cheek to say it was all business but if we Jackie and I do it … its gossiping!!!!!! Of course now he is in the office and there will be no Jackie to stop him so goodness knows how long they will chat for!! Having said that he's not there full time and is resting so I guess they will be restricted.**

**As for me transferring my work stuff from the other apartment's room to our upstairs … umm … the view is beautiful and we have a window seat made. … Guess that was not really a good idea … as I can sit and watch the horses leave the stables and go part way down the track … I know that's where I will be when John starts riding out properly … and of course I can see the riding paddock which is opposite our apartment. There was me thinking I would be working from home … perhaps I should have curtains made!**

**To John's delight he is out of the riding school barn and allowed round the paddock with a group of others who need carers to help them. It's a mixed group of abilities, men and women as well as children. Unfortunately I have been working while he's been doing it but guess it could be a noisy bunch, soon though I will be working fewer hours and eventually working from home so I will be able to watch. **

**Glad I've missed out on the morning sickness thing so far. Give big hugs to everyone.**

**Love you. **

**Meg.**

A gentle impish laugh stopped her from pressing the send button and caused her to look round at John who was sitting on the sofa. She saw his understated smile but his eyes glowed with … well impishness and she wondered what thoughts caused that. She'd noticed the impishness ever since he saw the scan photo and it had grown into tenderness as he had watched the video with her. She thought she knew how he felt after all she had felt a different kind of bubbly as she realised there really was a little person inside her, before today everyone had told them but now she'd seen it for herself. But why now and asked softly. "What?"

"How about sending that tomorrow with a picture?" He replied seriously, but his eyes were bright and dancing. She frowned which brought a very devil smile from him as he carried on still in a serious but understanding voice. "You or Jackie goes down to that actors' shop and buy or hire one of those pillows things actress use to show they are expecting, though the never really look right and a large dress, then you wear them and we take a photo and send it to Sara along with the scan."

She laughed at the idea but was still puzzled and said. "But she knows I'm not showing yet and that scan shows only one very small baby!"

"You know you can do a lot of things to photos once they are in the computer." John said gently rubbing his finger over the picture he had in his hand and added gently "Make three of them and tell her you've beaten her!"

Meg giggled helplessly and John looked at her and added, "You'd get your reply quickly enough!"

"You are hopeless you really are!" She said laughing and sent the mail then got up and went over to him and cuddled up beside him still giggling and feeling his warmth and laugh.

oxoxo

The next morning Meg could not resist checking her machine before they went to work the sensible voice within told her Sara would have only just have read it assuming the twins and Casey had co-operated. And then there was possibility she would be at the shop so she would not get an answer till this evening. She sighed frustrated as this was confirmed by email list of junk and nothing from Sara, though there were a couple from friends in Boston, which she would look forward to reading tonight. She looked up at John's gentle call that he was going; she closed down the machine and followed him out going to her car as he went to the trap Shep already ahead of him. Tonight it would have to be and she hated waiting.

The day was a good one all round and she got in early gave a gentle chuckle when she saw the machine was booted up, on line etc and John was sitting innocently on the sofa with a cup of tea and there was hers waiting on the table. She knew without a shadow of a doubt he was just as much on tender hooks as she was and hadn't wanted to admit it.

"Well are you coming over I don't want to have to yell it out." She said with a laugh and put her bag on the table and asked. "How was your day?"

"Fine, and yours?"

"Umm fine." She looked at the screen as the mail filled the page. "Even better she's written. I'll bring you cup over for you."

"It's okay only half full I think I can manage. You read."

Meg smile knowing he could manage half cups if he thought what he was doing, so she turned back to her mail and read silently.

**Hi Sis**

**Just a quickie. **

**Wow the baby looks great brought back my first memories … jelly stuff was cold!! **

**Had to giggle. Sorry can't help about toffees … but like John's idea of label, though I know you will not wear it. Advert in the paper you know like the old wanted posters or could just give them to passing kids but mums might not like it either. Just had a thought what about caramel biscuits instead of toffees (think you used to like those) only don't expect them to eat lots or they will really need to go on a diet. Casey reminded me of a couple of things I made him eat (nope not going to tell) and the strange things I fancied, says John has his sympathy.**

**Wow … Glad to know meal went off well … pity you could not send sample down the line …. Um bit messy … Sounds as though John is doing well in spite of the set back regarding town. Still be good if he can keep to the quieter parts, who needs the heavy traffic and lots of people anyway. Umm I do … my customers. Yeah just don't spend too much on those spending sprees. **

**Would love to see him on horseback, Hey I know … but I can dream … oh yes I can dream and umm no more said about that … Casey's around and might peak. **

**BUT I CAN MATCH THAT MEAL. What's more it was out without twins, Bette and AJ were silly enough to offer not only to baby-sit but a meal as well! And yes they were still alive and smiling when we came back from said meal. Would you believe all four were fast asleep ... Yeah we were that quiet getting in. … No comment.**

**It's a new place on the edge of town … umm says a lot I know … umm go down the coastal road … just thought there are two its the old one … can't remember if the house near it was bright pink in your day it is now but it's four down from there … will take photo or send advert with next mail. Turned out Bette needed a second opinion on the place so we could not refuse could we, and yes it was bliss and the food was good as well so it got four star rating from us. Though Casey did try and explain he was not too sure and needed a second visit just to make sure but AJ saw through that one.**

**Thinking about meals how about celebrating all our birthdays and anniversaries tell John that's a family order and we need menus of each meal in the mail the day after the said day so we can enjoy it with you!!!!! See I do come up with good ideas sometimes. **

**Main news is - Mum and Dad have disappeared for the next few days (a week actually) so I'm working at the shop with babies in tow as well as a long list of helpers, which the twins will love no doubt … as well as an offer from the crèche in the apartment if all else fails. **

**You'd never believe it but the Prestons turned up out of the blue they were going to a national park in Canada for the week with their son and wife, said son had to call it off so they thought of Mum and Dad and turned up paid tickets for flight straight to Park. It has a fascinating river nearby called Milk River found info on the net and enclose attachment with details. They were thinking of driving back but as Mum and Dad said yes they will fly back to Sunset for a few days (Get warmed up I mean to say it's cold and snowy up there just thought you know how that feels as you mentioned snow.)**

**You've most probably guessed it but Yes Dad has had to pack ****that**** Christmas present of his I told Mum to get some photos of him and the countryside. (Can't stop giggling at the thought of Dad and that Jumper!!!) Park looks beautiful though even nicer in the summer green and sunny … Yes I do know people go there for the snow. **

**I told you about Casey having to go to a conference early in the month well it tweaked his curiosity button. Just as well he was just there as a watcher as according to him everyone seemed to know lots more than he did, anyway he has seen something interesting in the paper and the firm was given a mention at the conference. It is a huge organisation with little off shoots so he's written off asking for more information as well as sending CV will let you know what happens. **

**It will mean we will have to move to the state of Montana and not a drop of sea in sight though they do have rivers that lead to lakes and they do have winters. Just realised that it's to the south of where Mum and Dad are but we will check things out once Casey's had an answer. Did not know this but Casey can ride and said it was about time he did something different … Yeah how different can you get mountains instead of beaches. Mind you we came from inland to coastal and liked it especially the sun. **

**Now don't take this the wrong way but I was thinking we might be able to travel to you wherever you are as we would be over the Rocky Mountains and away from Sunset and its history. I do know and understand it will be entirely up to you and John, we certainly do not want to endanger John's progress with the thought of a family suddenly turning up on the doorstep. Just thought you might ponder the fact.**

**Okay let's go back to you and your baby and that scan … I know he/she looks so tiny but hopefully next time we will be able to see boy or girl I trust you want to know if you don't then remember to say before they do the scan. (We can discuss baby clothes near the time but I have two lots here don't forget) Now the next stage is photo for me to prove you have a bump, no getting away from the fact there will be one fairly soon, which means a trip to the shops including shoe shops and of course a mid afternoon or evening naps … all those radio programmes where you start to listen and never finish. **

**Sometimes I used to wake up to find Casey watching me (that was usually at weekends when he could cadge a few hours off so we could go shopping only we didn't as I was sleeping!) it was a wonderful feeling till I found out he had drunk both cups of tea … his excuse was he had to stop the other one from getting cold!! Mind you he always got me one after I had woken up. **

**To think my little angels are nearly three months all I can say is at the rate they are growing glad they came when they did! They are showing their personalities now and grabbing anything that comes close, as well as raiding the milk bar and sleeping through the nights but early mornings still stay. Oh yes we have introduced them to the swings, when it was quiet one day I had Mark in the baby sling and tried it he's not too sure Susan loves it so I guess she's going to be the high flyer of the family. **

**Have given Robert a video for you to watch and told him he could have a look as well before he sends it. Guess we have an extra uncle and a good friend especially as I could not bribe him with mum's cookies.**

**In case you are wondering Casey sends love but is tied up with the twins.**

**Did I really say 'just a quickie' at the beginning well at least it has not taken me all day this time so I guess it was. No doubt others have kept you informed of gossip Casey is calling for help.**

**So very harassed but loving it will sign off. **

**Take care looking forward to the next news don't worry about gaps.**

**Love to both of you. (or should that be three of you)**

**Sara**

Meg looked across at John who was reading the email with her and could not suppress a shiver knowing the significance of the National Park and her parents' closeness if they decided to drive back all it would have needed was a wrong turn or her parents wanting to check out Casey's possibly new workplace and they could have been found out.

John saw her shiver and reached across and took her hand saying gently. "They are flying back so there is no worry about being seen, they would have checked out the other town not us. It never happened Meg, and what did is history so they will not come across." With a smile he added. "See Sara's back to being a little pushy though it's good that Casey's seen the advertisement you should tell the others. … Hey don't worry it will be fine."

Meg smiled and gave a gentle laugh and admitted "Thought that was my line to you. But you know how things happen around us and it's been so good recently."

He smiled and reassured her. "Yes I know. … It will stay good, but for now you can take your sister's advice and rest I'll deal with the meal. … Its okay I call when it's ready. Jackie wanted to know if Sally could join the girls' night out on Tuesday."

With his words she felt herself relax taking the warmth of his voice to give her the reassurance she needed and said. "Yes we'd love to have her, we have the choice of the club or if it snows again the hotel conservatory or bar. Glad Jancy's getting on all right she's a right spark and keeps Jackie on her toes." Meg got up and stretched watching a slow grin across John's face, he laughed gently and answered her quizzical look. "Sara would love a picture of the bump."

She stopped stretching, understanding him and pretended to swipe him before walking over to the sofa to rest … promising herself it would only be a short one, just read a magazine then help get the meal. She picked up a magazine and snuggled against the cushions tucking her legs up on the sofa and in a moment was a sleep missing the gentle music John put on in the background as he sorted out the meal. She missed him gently take the magazine away and cover her legs with a light blanket to give her that extra warmth that would keep her asleep till she was ready to wake up. But she didn't miss that special feeling she felt when she woke because he sat on the sofa opposite her happy to watch and wait.


	47. Chapter 47

**Chapter 47**

Feeling happy and contented Meg dropped her coat on the table while John got a cup of tea and sat down at the computer. Today had been good and they had just come back from a drive up to their favourite beauty spot to watch the sun throw up a deep glow of yellow and red as it disappeared behind the snow capped mountains.

She gently rubbed her back as she checked for mail and smiled as it opened.

**Hi Sis **

**I cannot believe we are in March already … and its speeding onwards.**

**Thanks for all the news glad you liked the picture of Dad and his jumper, still can't stop laughing at it. … Poor Dad will never live it down … Nope not going to let him! … Mind you the other photos were good and it looks a lovely spot great accommodation too. It's on my list to visit once the kids are big enough to travel or be left behind which ever is soonest. **

**Added bonus is of course a very happy Mum and Dad yep still living on the memories of the holiday – wish you were here to enjoy it but I know you can tell from the phone call you both (all three) had glad you were paying the bill. Needless to say they stayed longer than usual after the call, chatting about everything and dealing with the twins.**

**Great news **

**Casey has had a reply to his application - not the one in Seattle … we decided against it to bigger a city! Or the one in ... come to think of it I didn't tell you about that way too many states away. - The one I sent you some info about and YES he has an interview but in April so we've a few weeks to get ready and think things through. **

**I suspect that's why there is a gap so we can pull out if we get cold feet. (Some hope!) You should have seen his expression as he read the letter etc … kid in a candy or toy shop comes to mind. He has to tell AJ tomorrow … we know there will be no problem work wise … that sounds as though they don't think he's any good at his job. That is not what I meant, because I do know AJ thinks very highly of him and his work, and of course Bette loves us all. Hey that sounds a bit pompous but you know what I mean… sunk which every way I try to say it … who cares I love him. **

**Just thought what if he gets it … I mean how do we get all our stuff and Mum and Dad's stuff moved! … It will sink the plane before it takes off …Oh stop giggling … you'd understand if you saw the apartment … never thought babies needed so much stuff…. Umm okay so we've got a few more bits as well. I suppose Mum and Dad will be old hands at the game having moved from the farm to SB … Umm bet they've bought extras too. **

**Having had that moan … Casey needs the change and I think I'm ready for it especially if we might be able to see you, with or without John. That's not a hint either. But to be honest it's not been the same since you left … no one to nag! … AND don't let Casey tell you any differently. … I don't nag him … just remind him when he forgets things. Also no one to have those sisterly laughs with we were beginning to have again ... okay and the squabbles.**

**Talking of my beautiful husband he's already seen if he can get the babies some flying broomsticks for the journey. … Might give us a quieter ride if they are on the outside of the plane and were inside enjoying the comforts. I wonder if they sell magic carpets as well … Umm perhaps not things would fall off the sides and give people headaches as they land below. Okay Jumbo jet it is! **

**Just a reminder there will be no pushing on our side about seeing you or John these are just my thoughts said out loud as we agreed. **

**As you can see … added information re job via the attachment … enjoy reading … just as well Casey decided to fit a scanner and I learnt how to use it. From the extra details it looks a fantastic job I know the draw back is he will be away from home for short periods but Mum and Dad love the kids soo much they are willing to help look after them. And the info says family can travel on longer trips … hope that means Mum and Dad as well or is that pushing it a bit I wonder. **

**Note to Casey … check at interview if possible. … Guess there is going to be a long list of things … I reckon we (as in Mum Dad and myself) will find extra interests as well that's another to add to that list … Well must give him something to do as he looks around the town at time of interview.**

**That's the first test for us him being away for that interview. Ah … They've given him plane tickets, Two lots as the final airport does not take the big planes only small and medium ones. … He arrives the evening before the interview it's scheduled for sometime in the morning with what they call more information time and possibly free afternoon depending on time of flight. They are bound to have lots of interviews could go into afternoon. Or I suppose you might knew whether you've got it or not and you've got time before the flight home. **

**Hopefully the not getting it will not be the case and they will still be pondering or he will know. Anyway if there is time he'll scout round the town and pick up ideas along with housing possibilities. There is an offer of a house converted into flats, nice idea and he's going to check that one out first, make sure it's not a dump being off loaded on the newbie. (What a wicked girl I am for having such a thought …Hey! Dad and Casey had it as well; Mum said they would not be that daft.) **

**He'll be back at Sunset late evening/night depends what you call 11 pm Dad said he will collect him from the airport … guess he wants to find out as quickly as possible. Yep Mum said she would stay with me while Dad collects Casey. (If I'm in the bathroom when he returns I could be the last to know! Memo to self be on the doorstep!) Of course he might phone up before hand.**

**So I have the choice of braving it all on my own till pickup time, some chance knowing friends and family. Or getting things organised so it's not like a blessed train station, some chance of that as well. Soo I think I will try for the organised look and as it falls into chaos enjoy everyone around me. **

**Talking of kids … how does baby bashing sound … not good I know but Mark accidentally knocked Susan with the rattle today … don't think it will turn into a black eyes thank goodness, but it was red and the cries … I really didn't know which one to cuddle first. **

**So now I (we) have to make sure they don't get too close which is impossible as they have found out they can roll over hence the rattle bashing … I think Mark (bless him) somehow managed to keep hold of the rattle as he rolled over and of course it was the hand in the air not the other one (if you see what I mean) and Susan just happened to be too close and lying down on her back, perhaps he was trying to give it to her or even just trying to find his mouth and lost his way. … **

**Hey! I only turned away for a moment and it happened. … I worked that lot out as Mark had the rattle in his left hand and it was beside Susan's head when the cries went up, also Mark was on his side facing Susan. … Well you get down on the floor and work it out!! … No I didn't. … Of course Casey, who was in the kitchen out of sight at the time and came to the rescue then wanted to set up the video camera to take all the time. Well, they are really getting fascinating and especially as Susan loves mirrors … umm vain at a young age? See video. **

**Also a clip of swimming on the carpet, even trying to lift their heads up for air, Casey wondered if they were trying to clean it for us! I guess they got Casey's swimming genes, as they are good in the pool as well. Love those baby classes they are such fun.**

**As for feeding … still at the milk bar via the bottle with an added small portion of solid food … umm … we now have a posh plastic mat, which is never quite big enough or in the right place it matches the new plastic table cover. **

**Well, we know one thing, they don't like … baby rice … oh boy it gets everywhere … especially when spat out at a hundred miles an hour! You know I have never seen a little food go such a long way in so many directions either! Nope nothing is safe. Did wonder about a tent but then I don't think Casey or I would get out clean or get the inside clean afterwards. **

**We found another thing or two … feed them at the same time and try distraction … we are learning about that one. But they do love chocolate pudding, which they shouldn't and is very very messy along with Rusk fingers also messy, round mouths. **

**Instant clean baby food would be a great idea! **

**That video will have Robert in stitches and give you a few thoughts about what is to come … I suppose thinking about it they do have to learn to put food in their mouths some when, but fingers are not really very good for the mashed up food they have now … later when it's cakes and things - fine (Oh who am I kidding those fingers will be every where … seen it with other kids at the Shock Wave!). **

**Having said that spoons are no better as those lovely little fingers grab everything in sight including that spoon which is trying very hard to get to his or her mouth … and why oh why do they (babies, not the spoon in case you are wondering as you giggle) always want to know what the bottom of the spoon looks like before the food is in their mouths? **

**Of course, they give you that bright-eyed smile as they do it or a little gurgle that let's you know they are going to be evil, but it makes you laugh and go along with them! Especially the gurgle that comes just after they gone bright red and that's when you are trying so hard to go out! Yep the diapers one and that is so evil of them.**

**But on with my riveting tale about the spoon, hey eventually we managed to get some in (food and spoon though the spoon comes out, just in case you are wondering and you can tell John to stop laughing as well!) And yes there are two dirty parents or in-laws as well as kids by the end. Bath time is fun! … Yep for all of us ... okay a bit of an exaggeration as we are trying a little at a time … but oh boy can you think of us at a real mealtime as they get that little bit bigger and bigger. **

**Oh stop giggling.**

**You just wait!! **

**Might be just one but still up in the night and everything else. Oh the joys. **

**I've just thought they will be crawling soon ... Help!! **

**At least they are sleeping through the night – well most nights. – And yes I woke up the other night and thought they needed feeding there they were both fast asleep. Guess my mind was working over time – told it off and went back to sleep!**

**Enough of me and babies … umm not quite as you will see.**

**Dad is very pleased how Tim took charge of the Shock Wave while they were away and I saw him (Tim, just so you don't get confused as I know you do) with Abby the other day she is really a pretty baby though she is no longer a baby but not a toddler yet, but getting close, (that's a tangle but they don't have babtod do they). Apparently she is soo into everything and she's a really fast crawler, (which made me laugh as I think of something crawling as going slow)she stands with support but goes with down a bump if lets go of the support so I guess walking is round the corner. … Oh help, the twins love to try and stand with our support, you know hands either side of their waists etc. just hope they do crawl no short cuts. **

**After that panic back to Abby she has this wonderful giggle/gurgle, sounds full of mischief and it comes even if she is just looking at you. … You know they are good together (Tim and Abby) and Tess, though I still don't like the woman, there is something about her that just gets under my skin mind you Casey reminds me I feel a bit like that about Maria as well … guess it's their history. **

**Yeah and Annie as well I know … but she's not so bad now especially as she is dealing with the shop part of the gallery on her own - she sent a couple of people over to Sunset Sisters who wanted something 'different' to sketch I gave them a couple of catalogues to browse and they ordered - saw her later and mentioned it. She promised to send others over … explained it was a sort of thanks for my help earlier. Guess people can change or I'm getting soft! **

**She is still with Jude as you know. Strange knowing her track record I would have thought she would have married him by now. But it looks as though they are taking it slow or he's got way more sense than we thought, having said that his track record on the police front since he got here is good. Of course you've been keeping track on the Gregory Richards being arrested again saga, they always say it's the little things that trip you up - I can say that Jude and Ricardo are really bucked over it. Let's hope they keep him inside this time. Heard a whisper they are working with UK police on new evidence so things could get really interesting. **

**I know Gabi is going to send you a long mail later so back to Tim who asked after you not in the old pushy way either … I think you would like him now he has matured … Oh, that sounds as though I'm talking about cheese. (Giggles Sorry, will control myself) I told him you were well and still needed privacy he said fine just needed to know you were okay. **

**You know you said about John and his business meetings well you should see Dad behind the cash till at Sunset Sisters … Yep I know he's been at the Shock Wave but this is different and boy does he gossip!!!! (Males and Females all ages just as well Mum's not the jealous type … I suppose we do it as well but it just seems odd seeing him doing it.) **

**Hey it pulls in the customers, the others have noticed a lot more come in when he's around, if the wife is there then they get bored (the wife that is) and looks around and buys something, possibly as a way to get their (hubby's) attention. Hubby has to pay of course and they still chat as Dad deals with wrapping and change. Strange if the wife is being talked too by Dad she usually finds the goods as she chats or sends hubby off to get them. Of course if she's browsing they just chat at the counter come paying up time. Anyway it's good for business so can't complain and he's very good for unloading boxes and dealing with things on the high shelves so we give him coffee. **

**Mum comes in for a change from selling food and what with their help with the twins for my short visits there and book keeping mainly at home it is working out very well. No I'm not forgetting Casey either he's always around when I need him knew you knew that. (Dare I say we are organised … nope that will send it all up in smoke). **

**But guess what...Yep! I found I was talking about babies to a new mum! As I was at the till I fined myself a couple of dollars. Talking of twins, have left them at the crèche for a short while the other day as a test nope not ready for that yet, but good in an emergency.**

**Well must go tea (food not drink) is calling and so is Mum. See managed this in one sitting so things are looking up. Hey tell John thanks for last lot of advice Dad will think on it especially as the other was so good.**

**Love and as usual wet kisses from the twins, will send pics as soon as poss. Yep one of the boys asleep on the rocking chairs again. Will they never learn!**

**Sara**

Meg could not help laughing at the picture in her mind of the twins feeding or the men in the rocking chairs. She had felt John beside her and turned to him with a smile as he said gently. "So now you know."

She giggled at his tone, not quite sure whether he meant the fact their plans were working out or the fun they would have after their baby was born.

Again as if reading her thoughts he said with a gentle tease, "Both, of course we've got Shep to clear up the mess and bring our baby back." She could not stop her giggles as he carried on seriously though his eyes were bright and sparkling. "Teas on the counter."

She took a breath and smiled feeling the kick of her love for him go through her and nodded, then she pressed the reply and typed in **Give Casey congrats and wishes, **then turned her mind to a short reply.

**Hi Sis**

**Good grief that was long but good. **

**Great news about the interview, wish Casey luck from both of us, will read info later.**

**This will be just a very quick one as we've just got back from a ride out to our favourite place. The road was quiet though there's snow on the mountain tops and the evening warm for this time of year though you would find it cold. **

**You know there is a road system for furniture and things … might have trouble finding lorries big enough though … sorry could not resist … or you could find a furnished place and just pack the cases leave the rest for the next people. But it is a scary though having to sort out and pack things up, glad I only had lots of suitcases and did it in bits. **

**Looking forward to pics especially the boys (men) and babies … have you thought about framing and hanging them on the wall! The pictures not the men or babies. Umm might not be a good idea. **

**Must admit I laughed about feeding time and I know I have that to come. Like you say wait till full meals. … Yep still laughing and will learn from your video as I follow in your tiny footsteps … Oh Great sister of mine. (Bows at the machine in deepest reverence.) When it comes of course and yes Robert will love it)**

**Okay, deep breath to stop giggles and get concentration. (Yep John giggled as well)**

**Talking about meals going out to celebrate Mandy's birthday let you know more another time. My drink is getting cold and I need feeding … again!**

**Love to everyone and yes I'm fine and enjoying life in the slowing down lane, will be back later for a gossip after I've read details.**

**Meg.**


	48. Chapter 48

**Chapter 48**

Meg ran up the stairs of their apartment smiling knowing **they** were right, she needed to be doing something. Preferably something by a window that looked out over the stables and that meant one place and one thing, especially as Robert needed this mail. **And** if she was busy time would fly by and then she would be able to mail Sara the picture and toned down email.

She walked to the end room enjoying the effect the sunlight had on the unusual glass walls and the panoramic view they gave of the paddock, stables and over the hedge into the hotel garden and part of the mountains and valley. She got to her work area and twisted the computer round just a bit - yep! the view was just perfect … so it should be, she'd designed it that way and sat down on the window seat.

As she put the coding disk in the computer she felt her stomach churn slightly and wondered if it was butterflies or her son. She liked that thought of 'son' it sounded so nice knowing who was with her, and gave a slight chuckle as she remembered John's words that morning. But the thought flew out of her mind as she found the relevant pictures on file and her slight chuckle grew as she thought of Robert, wishing he could come by email as the plane would be way too slow for his liking. And the thought of him coming through the screen delighted her … yes; she was looking forward to seeing him again.

With a small shake of her head, she shook the chuckle and thought away and got a fresh email and wrote the address. Attaching the photos, she smiled and decided to tease him with the subject heading **"Pictures tell it all M"** She then settled down to type her quick flowing thoughts.

**Hi Robert**

**Looked everywhere for it under the bed … Nope… in the cupboards … Nope not hiding there either. **

**SO what have you done with March … Well all but a few days!! But who is counting, as they will go in a flash as the rest have.**

**Whatever you did with it … it's been a wonderful month, along with the others before it and no doubt the rest to come.**

**As you can see from the photos I'm now showing a small bump, thought we would have a change of scenery and show you we've made it to the sunken garden. And Yes spring has come though snow is still on tops of the mountains and will stay on the higher ones till late April. **

**And YES yes yes … he managed to walk with a stick to the garden, though you would have laughed at the fuss he made about the slope. Though to be fair, it must be a lot for him … and we take it for granted … of course memories of the fall might have had something to do with it as well. But he does not like slopes or uneven ground; he has to think too much! (So cruel I know but he's the one who said it, with a smile I might add.) **

**We made it though and next time it will be better walking wise though the feeling of that visit will not be matched. I'll set up a picture of what happened; beautiful sunny day, cold but not too cold and Simon had lit the brazier there to keep the chill off the air so we could stay for a while. **

**We took the short route though the apartment and along the path to the slope. There I walked just a little in front so as not to crowd him, though I would have held his hand if touch was needed, but he wanted total independence. Simon teased about a soft landing if John fell and Jackie said I was needed in front to break up the downward view. Those two can be so cheeky sometimes but it broke up the tension – John got his revenge later, as they knew he would. They were either side of him not touching or crowding but close enough in case he needed them … so with slow steps we made it down to the garden. **

**Unknown to us Mandy and Jack watched from a distance they just happened to be passing. Yeah John did not believe that either, especially as they had tea and cakes with them.**

**After a lovely rest, (chat and food) John decided he needed crutches for the walk back so sent Simon to collect them, I hasten to add there was a twinkle in John's eyes as he told Simon, but he did find it easier. Then he tried walking down part of the slope with them to make sure he could do it. So I guess it will be a toss up which he will do it with next time, he was tired afterwards, perhaps the crutches will make it easier, don't know. **

**As for work, he is walking round his office but sits down to take calls - just in case you are wondering, like here they go through an answering machine so he can deal with them at his leisure, visitors go through Jim (if you see what I mean). **

**He rides in the trap to get there Jack drives him and walks to the police station, it means Simon does not have to walk back to the stables as Sandy and the trap stay at the stables there. Keeps Jack fit but don't tell him I said it, before he only had to walk across the driveway, of course it means Simon has to walk up if Jack can't bring John home. It's worked so far. **

**He has tried his hand at driving the trap for a short distance on the bridleway, unfortunately he will not let me accompany him when he tries - too much of a distraction – umm take that as a compliment - guess he would worry about the baby as well. So it looks as though we will be keeping our driver for a while, which is nice.**

**He is not too keen on walking in the street too many things happening to take his concentration away so I think he will ride with an escort and use the chair if necessary. **

**More on that later as I know you are dying to meet the little fella.**

**Yeah I know you have looked at the pictures so what can I say? **

**The baby is a boy. As you can see he has everything … just hope he will not be quite such a show off when he is born or as he grows up. Seeing him like that reminded us of the 'Casey' incident with Mark, of course that led to a question from John. Mandy with a glint in her eyes but answered it very straight faced explaining that nothing bad goes in so nothing bad comes out till his father starts feeding him once he's born. **

**You should have seen John's face at that one but I could not say anything (giggling way too much) as I felt a warm sensation in me which must have been our baby adjusting himself around my giggles (poor lad). I know … he will get his own back when he starts digging his elbows or knees into my kidneys or stretches, as he gets bigger.**

**Needless to say John is a very proud father-to-be and I have had the wonderful sensation of waking up to find him watching over me … we are sort of changing roles as I used to watch him sleep after his therapy when I was not working. … It's a wonderful feeling, so different from the one in the mornings … we do it because we want too not because we have to or just woken up a bit early.**

**There is an itch in my mind so I will admit it to you, as I'm sure you will understand and know it is a reasonable thought and once it's out it will be gone and forgotten. (that was long winded but I'm sure you will understand so onward!)**

**In a small way it would have been easier if our son was a girl … nothing against boys or our son to be … it would make naming so much easier, though having typed that I realise the name we wanted for a girl has already been taken (by Derek) so perhaps it would not have been easier. Anyway we both would like to call our son John, family connection all round as well as liking the name. But know we can't … one John is enough just as one Mark in the family is enough (that would have been another choice). If we chose John or even Jonathon his name would get shortened to JJ or John Jr and we would not want that. I also feel using it as a second name would be tempting fate, as I'm sure information will get back to Derek in one form or another, could set off thoughts though that might be called paranoia on my/our part. **

**But one thing I am sure of and have quietly decided to do once our son is born, that is to stop writing to our friends in Sunset Beach. To do so before would worry them and start questions, not only from them but from John as well. Though I expect he must realise I have to do it whether or not our family moves here. I will be unable to send photos of our son back home or to friends, from the videos and photos you've been sending us I know he will have those eyes. I can see them in Benjy, Sammy and Abby and of course black hair … unless he has a throw back from Dad's side of the family as in Sara … which could make things interesting. Dark haired parents brown haired child can't help but smile at that one.**

**Obviously if my family stay in SB I will be expected to send photos … I can only blame web failure, postal failure or give them sleeping baby photos along with a 'oops sorry I forgot to attach' when I write a couple of times. I might have to claim I'm too busy to write could blame it on baby and John, they know he's ill so could have a relapse, but that sounds a bit unfair on John. So perhaps I'll have to let them go by default … just not reply. **

**Of course if Mum comes here we can sort out a story for her to take back and she'll have the hassle of explaining my excuse to friends and family as I become silent. (Cruel aren't I.) Then again they might be here with us and my silence can be just silence and hope the friends will forgive me.**

**Thanks again for the last video of the spring gathering on the beach, as well as 'his family' coupled with clips of Tim with Abby, I don't know how you manage to do it without causing suspicion, glad that you do. You know it gives John 'that' extra peace he still needs … he still and always will feel bad about Mark and the others, but you were right the nightmares have turned into bad dreams and less frequent though he is still has quiet times but they are shorter and not so dark either. Shep is still very good at warning us about those moods.**

**If you have not guessed we are very very happy.**

Meg stopped typing as the clopping of horses' hooves and familiar voices calling broke through her thoughts. She looked away from the screen and waved smiling as the riders walked from the stables to start their ride, saw Shep run ahead then stop and look back at the group as if to check all was well or urging them to get on with it.

She wasn't sure which and gave a gentle laugh remembering again that morning and John's tone and words, "surrounded by hawks just waiting to pounce on the defenceless prey." which was true. Though they both knew 'defenceless prey' was a bit of an exaggeration, but he was in the centre of the group. The hawks were certainly not quiet as they chatted making sure everything was okay - Simon in the lead, Jackie and Jack either side of John with Stephen at the rear, who promised to take a video of it if he could.

She watched the other riders get their group ready and lead off; all were experienced riders though a couple of the horses were being shown what to do on a group ride for the first time. It would be the easy route and they would as Simon had reminded her with a grin 'go faster than a walk' though they would not be jumping or galloping the others would take another route to do that if they wanted to.

As they started to walk off she heard footsteps coming across the room from the stairs and looked round. 'Yep there was the missing hawk with two cups of tea and a reassuring smile.'

Mandy looked at Meg as she put the cups on the table and said gently. "Well they will be gone for a while. … All right?"

Meg smiled "Yes thank you. Doing Robert's mail as ordered but it does feel strange watching him go, it's usually me going out, and it's special."

Mandy laughed, knowing what she meant and reassured her. "He wants it to be an ordinary thing no fuss, but it's a bit like you like handing your child to kindergarten for the first time, having to walk away till you pick him up several hours later. You know he will be safe and lots of other mums do it, but he is yours and out of sight, even if you've had babysitters in the past. It feels different and a big step forward."

Meg said gently. "He's over thirty, been to work and on a horse before." Wondering which one of them needed the reassurance.

Mandy gave a nod and a smile as if picking up on her thoughts and with a gentle sigh carried on, "Well it's a big step for him and we have to watch him go, can't be beside him or do it for him and I feel a twinge even if he does have his hawks watching over him."

Meg laughed remembering her earlier thoughts.

Mandy gave chuckle as she admitted. "I rather like his nickname for us." She paused then looking at Meg added gently which had a bit of a warning edge even if her eyes were bright and teasing. "Get used to it as we will be around you as you get bigger and when your son is born."

Meg snorted and reached for her cup of tea, they both knew each other so well so teased back knowing John's occasional comments on the hawks. "At least I know you are caring hawks not wanting to eat us." Watching the group she took a sip of her tea.

Mandy said softly as she took her cup of tea. "Always preferred my meat cooked actually. I'll sit quiet and let you write, after all the view is soo different from here."

Meg smiled at her words because she could almost hear the hawk's feathers settling in place for the wait, and knew Mandy would happily accept her silence or chat later. For now though they silently watched the groups go out of sight.

Then Meg went back to write her mail to Robert.

**I have Mandy beside me enjoying the view and a sight which I know will make you want to come in a flash … sorry you could not come sooner … though I can give you a good excuse … not that you need one. **

**Sara and Mum have managed to persuade the Doctors to release copies of the relevant medical history regarding twins and my birth etc. They were not too keen at first because of no forwarding address and confidentiality but Mum can be very persuasive. She contacted Tyus and he gave his backing that it would be all right not to have a forwarding Doctor address, just a Doctor's signature with mine as proof of arrival at destination. She also assured them they would be handed over not posted and gave you as named courier. So they will need Doctor's signature, mine and yours with a note to prove it's been done. Mandy or her brother will give it, which ever one you think is best. I suppose someone could trace it back to us eventually if they really wanted to but they'd have to get past the doctors there first so I don't think they will. **

**So there you are the perfect excuse for you to come and walk or ride with John, even a trip to the waterfall if you like. **

**Yes riding as in on a horse not in a horse and trap. He's just gone out on his first ride without a walking leader or riding leader and not his usual therapy group, though he will do those as well occasionally. Two small groups one lot breaking in a couple of new horses so they know what to do on a ride. The one … well you've guessed it the gang and him. They are all going on the safe paths along the edge of the valley. They also have the latest in instant radio contact in case anything happens … we all carry them when out with John … they are linked through to the hospital and Jack via the station and Mandy. … Oh the joys of being left behind … roll on Summer/Autumn/early winter … or whenever I can go with him. **

**Hence Mandy being here to hold my hand. At the moment I can either feel butterflies in my tummy or our son is being a fidget. Mind you, on the quiet I think Mandy feels the same as me … given half the chance would be out there as well.**

She stopped and looked out the window and was lost in thought … … after a while she went back to her machine and started again.

**Mind went for a while … Hey not comments! … Strange though, how seeing him go makes you look at things in a different light. **

**Mandy likened it to a child's first day at kindergarten … not that he will be doing it every day … but it got me thinking and I just realised that since September I have been watching him come alive … begin again … I don't know what you call it - almost like a bud of a flower or a new branch coming out, there have been so many little things recently that will grow and I don't mean plants or baby. **

**In Sunset he was established and though I worked with him everything was in it's place, friends, fortune, The Deep, his house, Liberty and of course Java Web. Here he is growing into new ventures with his knowledge and money. I see the way he nudges ideas not only his own but others as well; of the ones close to us, the rides along the bridleway are taking off now the snow has gone, the usual ones in the mountains will start as soon as they are safe. **

**You know that idea about the hay cart ride, our link with the 'sister' hotel across the valley … well they are being sorted out as well as their idea of making the waterfall a halfway point so horses don't have to go the whole way. **

**Even his therapy rides have caught on leading to the renovation of two cottages with special amenities for holiday lets, the cars will have special passes for the bridleway so they can get to the cottages any other trips would be by horse and carriage. **

**From that Stephen has the idea to link with the local school - help kids start, a kind of apprenticeship especially if they aren't good with other qualifications … sort of hands on, mind you other kid could use it as a bonus, ride and learn about horses. Then yesterday a farmer (who has kids) offered the use of his farm as a base for other crafts that are going out of favour but could be used locally. Like hedging and stonewalls etc.**

**I thought I'd see if I can get experts in to run courses by using your formula … including computer based sessions … any ideas … just remember money will be short as it will have to pay it's way and the farmer needs extra income.**

**As you know the hardware shop and stable complex is coming along we found a building that had a ramp in it and used it when the trap needed repairing … the man flew in to do it and found a pile of other jobs as word got around he was coming. (nope not say who spread the word either) But it made him realise the opportunity and he wants to do it again ... sort of monthly or bimonthly surgeries … Paul's firm will be the name base and link. Your idea with John's that the hardware store could become a web collection post is working well, Paul wants us to add it to his group but we are not sure about it. We are of course still keeping the store as a store and looking at the other buildings, as we get to them (jungle permitting) no doubt new ideas will come as they emerge. **

**I don't think it will matter if John can't get around as we wished … people and ideas come to him … yes we all know he has his faults and sometimes they make us want to scream … but there again who hasn't. **

**As I said I never really thought about those gentle nudges or the ones he gave me when I worked with him in SB … they gave me the strength to stand up and move on and now face my biggest challenge … our son, even then I will have the freedom to work from home or in town as I want … which I do as they seem to like me here. **

**Goodness. That lot came from just seeing him ride away … just wait till he gets back!**

**Okay on to gossip etc.**

**As for Paul and Val I would not be at all surprised if they don't elope before or on the big day … you should see them both … nervous as kittens taking their first steps. If they do I hope Val takes her dress because it is really beautiful, not over the top either and her bridesmaids look good even the pageboy is cute. **

**So I have had calming chats with Val and John has had long ones with Paul … we know they love each other that's not the problem, other family might be, which should not be the case as both of them have been good to them all. **

**But I really really don't know what possessed him to choose Matt as best man … okay yes I do … they are cousins and he could not have John. **

**Did you know Matt and John have been in a huddle over the speech? … I just wondered, as you know Matt. … Oh to be a fly on the wall of the reception … needless to say we have taken the day off and got popcorn ready. Just hope the web works well on the day. (Computer off the top of the waterfall if it does not!) **

**Jackie and Simon with Sandy and the beautifully made up coach will do the honours for us. We are used to seeing a horse and coach taking brides etc here but down in the next town it will be unusually so I hope someone will tape it. (Might bribe one of the staff at the hotel to) We are still working out whether they can go via the valley route or will have to go via the main road using trucks. Not only because of time but the main road is used by really big lorries who might not be so considerate as the locals are. **

**Oh yes, we now have new signs on the edge of town and at the junction of the main road, which warns people that horses and horse and coaches, traps etc have right of way, the one on the edge of town also says no loud radios as well. Bit like the town that give ways to white squirrels (love that idea) can't remember where it is though. Simon and Jackie have orders to sneak in and give us an account if they can … I do know (if they don't eat it that is) we will get some cake. **

**Apart from the speech, Matt and John have arranged the honeymoon for them I hope Paul likes the surprise it's Venice and John has made sure there is a supply of film so we will have some record of it. Yes there is a trip in a gondola seeing that in the real place will bring memories of our own hopes, also our trip in SB … they are good ones though.**

**No doubt we will be in touch just afterwards I know you and Sue will be watching as well.**

**The photo I sent to Sara is the same without John in it so you can chat about it if you wish, needless to say I am like a cat on hot bricks waiting for news of the interview, which will not be till after the wedding. As you know neither Matt or Paul will take part in the interviews, so they have two chiefs from other branches of the main group who know what is needed, the honeymoon is the excuse for them doing it, hence the delay. **

**Hopefully when Casey finds out the truth he will know he got the job on merit and not because of me. If they think Casey is not ideal there is the job of assistant so he might take that, if not then it will be back to the drawing board. If only the days would carry on going like lightening.**

**I need a quick break then I will be back as the group will be returning soon. Yep I'm upstairs over looking the stables and part of the route, I love this room and as I know you will want to know he has returned safely I will be back.**

**Okay scrub that last sentence, time must be flashing by as Shep has just bounced round the corner into view. Where does he get the energy from, unless of course he just sat and waited for them to return! Guess the first group went off onto the other route as it is just our group.**

**They look happy so everything must be all right. **

**Yep there's the wave from Simon, guess what a fast trot slowing into a walk. **

**Hate to say this but John really looks good on a horse even with hat and glasses on. … Before your mind goes to the gutter yes he is wear clothes!!!!!!!! **

**With a big sigh … Jackie on Snow White looks good and yes I'm a little bit jealous only because I wish it was me … it's good she's happy after all she is my sister by adoption ... without her there would be no him. **

**So must go.**

**Love and thanks … don't break the sound barrier … Mandy has your room ready. Give Sue our love see you both.**

**Meg.**

She pressed the keys almost without thinking and was across the room in almost a flash, her back better for moving and Mandy was not far behind her.

By the time Meg had got down the stairs she was breathing fast and calmed herself.

Mandy's words "Meg take your time, he needs to know this does not worry you." sunk in as they walked towards the front of the apartment.

As Meg punched the button to open the door they caught each other's expressions and laughed. Collectively they took a deep breath then walked out of the apartment and over to the stable block where they could hear the chatter and laughter from the group, which told them everything, had gone all right.

oxoxo

Needles to say during the rest of the day Meg found herself checking her mail at intervals for a reply from Robert or Sara, who she had mailed later.

Sara's email came quickly and was short but filled with glee at the prospect of a nephew and a list of names not to have which made her and John laugh.

Checking again in the early evening she chuckled as she saw the mail title **"Wow! … Sound barrier will be intact!"**

And opened it and read.

**Hi Meg**

**Thanks for mail. **

**What can I say that would cover it? **

**We are both really really pleased for you … both of you or should that now be three of you perhaps not way too complicated. Needless to say you have ready and waiting adopted Uncle and Aunt to spoil him something rotten! … Okay we will include the both of you as well.**

**I understand your feelings and agree, though I know John would understand as well if you ever wanted to tell him … will chat soon.**

**Found out I don't fit in the floppy disc slot … tried and failed, … Zip drive slot … failed again … Sue suggested diet!!!!**

**So failing everything else will be over for lunch tomorrow!!! … See can move fast when needed. Would have been tonight but needed for a deal this afternoon and family tonight … can't have two sulky teenagers on our hands now can we! **

**Rang Joan and everything is arranged for morning collection of papers Doctor's free time does coincide with plane landing and take off times at SB and she promised extra treats for me!! (Sue mentioned that word diet again!!!) (Tell Mandy bread and water diet for her not for me!!) Yep could not keep her away even if I tried.**

**Pictures had her drooling and she threatened me so I will bring her!! (Hen pecked that's what I am and loving every second of it.) (Guess who uses this machine and is nearby.)**

**Unfortunately we can only stay one night and will have to fly back by late next evening.**

**Pilot asks for a bed as well. Tempting to be wicked and say nothing else but then he might make me fly back on the wing and I don't like drafts! So he would appreciate food and a splash in the pool. The staff are soo demanding these days, and yes I have to serve the coffee on the way over! **

**Will deal with our own transport so don't worry Jack about it.**

**Give love to John see you soon.**

**Robert**

She bubbled with happiness as she printed a copy for John to read when he finished his chat with Tony downstairs and pressed reply.

**Hi Robert.**

**Umm … glad the computer survived … did wonder what you would look like behind the screen never thought of the drive slots though … cartoon figures come to mind.**

**Look forward to seeing you and Sue never fear the pilot will have the best.**

**Meg.**

As she watched the words change and the mail disappear she collected her copies together then closed it down and went downstairs.


	49. Chapter 49

**Chapter 49 **

To Meg the days since Casey's interview had taken place seemed to go slowly, even though they were full of work and happiness. She looked eagerly for mail from her sister at the every opportunity but there had been nothing, not even an he got home and everything survived … she'd expected something knowing how her sister could … would be excited on Casey's behalf … unless of course things had gone so wrong that she felt embarrassed on his behalf. But Casey wouldn't have and she'd had enough help for things to be okay. If something was wrong with the twins or Sara and Casey … her mother would have mailed, if it had been her parents' she would have mailed … so everything was alright in that department.

She thought about just mailing … 'How was the interview' and leave it at that … but she felt that was too pushy, too naggy sister … and consoled herself that they most probably wanted to think about and discuss things through and would come to her with a complete answer ... 'Yes we are doing it blah blah' or 'No we are not blah blah'. After all an 'We are just thinking about blah..' wouldn't really meant much would it?

Now, as she waited for the mail to load those thoughts had gone round enough times to make holes in her mind and temper, so she finally decided that if there was nothing in this lot she would write to Robert. Get information that way, perhaps Mat had told him the result, surely he would know as the men were from his organisation.

Not for the first time she wished Paul was back from his honeymoon, then they would have direct line in to what had happened, and then smiled knowing the couple were really enjoying themselves and deserved the time alone. ...

Oh she hated waiting.

Then noticed screaming out from amongst the junk and others the subject heading, '**That's so unfair!' **with her sister's mail address.

Giving a whispered 'No' and with sinking heart she opened the mail. But as she read she started to smile and chuckle'

Both reactions got John's attention so he came over to have a peak guessing … hoping it was from family.

**Hi Meg**

**Your Dad and I are up in arms!!!**

**Yes! … you are to blame !!!**

**Nope no creeping away from this one! You said it. SHE DID IT!**

**There are now TWO large framed photos - one on the wall at home and the other at your parent's home … yes … showing myself and your father with the twins asleep in the rocking chairs. **

**Hey! How could we help it if the twins decided to sleep as we sat there quietly keeping them away from your mother and sister? It's a lovely suntrap with no breeze to talk about and so as we ran out of things to say and we gently dozed off. Sneeky wife (Sara) found the camera and took the snap.**

**Needless to say we are both on the hunt for Wife, Mum-in-law and kids photos. THEY of course say it will never happen, as THEY never stay still long enough! Hmph.**

**SO if that's the case I reckon one of twins in tears and said exasperated adults will do. **

**Okay got that off my chest feel better. **

**Thought I would grab machine while Sara's looking after twins. … Umm bet there's a photo shot being missed. **

**I know you've been waiting for news so here it is.**

**Yep been for the interview, hotel was nice with everything laid on (oh that sounds so bad but you know what I mean … mind out of gutter girl!) **

**Offices are in a converted building but have a nice feel to them and were as shown in the photo on the other bumf. Walked from hotel to interview, as it was close by, so I got the feel of the place – Yep liked it. **

**Got scared because the other interviewees were also with me at the hotel, all knew their stuff and chatted about it. (Good ploy to put others off) That's when I found out just how big this firm is … okay rephrase that … just how big the company behind this small company is … and that is mega big as in offices in practically every state and some abroad. … Help! **

**Just thought, did you come across them when you worked in Boston and went to that big conference? If so why did you not warn me … Umm Of course that was a while ago and they use their company as links to others, think that was what Robert's organisation was doing at the conference here. **

**Okay on to the interview, two men from the main organisation took it (Yep suited and intimidating, dripped money, trust and experience) they said Paul was away on honeymoon (lucky fellow). They explained I would be working alongside the said Paul but also accountable to these two, hence them taking the interview. My group (number of staff to be decided but would be at least two – with me makes three) when up and running would be an offshoot from theirs and would be researching their ideas, plus the new ones for getting the conservation ideas across to kids, young adults in clubs, schools and colleges etc. Also any ideas from our group would be expected so not a one way street of their thoughts only. **

**They started talking money for projects and my eyes must have bulged because they admitted as they would be working new ideas there would be failures as well as successes also they would be long term projects. Though failures were catered for they were not wanted. Guess everyone knew that, but it was nice to hear it and they would be only a phone call away for help. Yeah, waiting outside headmaster's study feeling came back with a rush. Made mental note to self if accepted … No Failures!! **

**As you can imagine my eyes lit up when they talked about kids and clubs. Guess they knew as we chatted about that for quite a while. Then they went through everything I knew and a lot I did not … just as well I mugged up on everything I could find as well as sorting out ideas of my own. I think if the interview had been immediately after applying I would have been sunk without trace. So I'm glad we had weeks to mug up it.**

**As I said before I thought they knew a lot more than I did, but I noticed in the chat at the hotel before the interviews they were more interested in the travel side, and using the job as a step up into the bigger business. Their attitude seemed to be … I don't know … sort of slick and a bit uncaring for the small company they would be working for, so I decided to make the point in the interview I would be happy to stay where I was and live in the town with an eye on a move in several years time if needed. **

**I felt as though I crawled out of the office on my knees, mind you so did the other five, so in that respect we all felt the same. Somehow we all made it through lunch, which thinking about it was very nice. As we ate we all chatted and dissected the interviews and came up the most likely candidate to win who was Johnson … he had all the qualifications, slick presentation and ideas … uck!!**

**Well to my surprise (and everyone else's no doubt) I was called back in and offered the job.**

**Wow!!!**

**(Just to recap - so I knew where everyone stood before I went we had a family talk covering all possibilities and I had my orders to take it if I liked it and the town looked nice.)**

**So I said Yes!!**

**Well, then they put another idea to me, which I had to take home and think about. That is working from Sunset Beach for a year using the Internet as our link and I would travel from home … and use Paul's office as a base after that. It showed me they cared about my young family and I have to admit the idea did appeal. But I know we all want to move (and that is not only because you are not with us so don't feel guilty.) I think we would like a fresh start of our own so said thanks but we were happy to move, but I would take the idea back with me and confirm later. **

**So with all that in mind I was escorted round the town so saw all nooks and carnies and must say it is beautiful … so different to SB. The airport (on the outskirts) is fairly small. Well small private, commercial small and medium size short flights are catered for, but it has a good plane taxi service to the larger airport for the usual commercial long flights so travelling would not be a problem. Well it worked okay for me. The town itself is growing, the new mixing in with the old rather than a take over bid, ie knock old down and build new. There are some other smaller towns further up and down and across the valley so lots to see and the mountains of course. Yep could not miss those. **

**Roads are fairly good … some wide and some narrow, though could be closed in winter due to snow, must make sure I'm snowed in not snowed out of home. There is the added bonus of getting into Canada via plane or road; your parents noticed the possibility when they were on holiday so they picked up some information about boarders etc. They would like to go back there in the summer or autumn to see the differences so that was one thumbs up from the start. **

**We know that it will be quite a bit quieter than here because of the distance between the towns and it's not on a big holiday route as SB is. But there is a small, possibly growing, holiday trade which covers all seasons and as Sara says the family farm was not exactly in the City or town and that was okay. Also we will have the kids to concentrate on as well and anything your parents might decide to do, so definitely will not get bored.**

**Picked up the odd paper to take home so we could see what was what in the news front and was shown around the flats they offered with the job Contrary to fears they are fantastic. Though converted rather than newly built they are really modern, very large, everything inside ie kitchen is new – can be furnished or unfurnished. Seriously thinking of furnished at least the basics – just take the kids stuff – the cots were presents from friends and our stuff of course. Must make sure any furniture is kid proof but I guess they will take that into consideration. **

**Large garden, which can be arranged as we want it, at the moment it is lawn with a veg plot at the bottom … will have to find out who owns the veg, of course they might clear it before we move in. Looked at details of other flats and saw one thanks to guide and decided that this offer was the best. Especially as the rent is very low - basic insurance and utilities for the first six months, then if we want to stay on the rent will go up in stages till it gets to the normal rent for the area. Well we can live with that.**

**Of course, it will depend on whether we like the neighbours who I think will be living upstairs as I hope they don't think we will be carrying the twins and clutter up and down stairs all the time. I think I should emphasis to them the patter of tiny and heavy feet going across their ceiling (our floor) might be disturbing especially as the kids get older and more active. (Hey First fight – nope don't think so somehow as I can see them using downstairs for eating and upstairs for sleeping save on walking up and downstairs. Not going to tell them the upstairs floor is soundproofed so noise will not come through.) **

**Upstairs flat has a balcony big enough for table and chairs as well as a few large pots with plants in so that should please Hank … think I'll tell him he can have the veg plot if he likes, otherwise I expect that will go to shrubs or grass. The balcony acts as part of our covered decking area so we can eat in the dry. **

**As for the view … umm basically one way is across town and should look good at night, the other looks at the mountains, which of course change with the seasons. Yes we do have neighbours but we are not overlooked too much. Needless to say upstairs has the better view another thing I would point out to them. The road seems to fairly quiet and joins with a main one into town with a bus stop at the top, also there are a couple of schools and shops within easy distance, area is mixed residential – dream coming true.**

**So I arrived home at the dead of night … plane was on time but it felt like it to me … and we had our big talk and looked at the pics I took of apartments and view. Before we slept we confirmed by email that we would move and would like the apartments fully furnished. **

**Yep, your parents upstairs, us downstairs, your father pointed out that their place was furnished so they would have to buy new anyway so this was the easier way and the rent was also set in stages. We are debating about cars, your dad's is coming to the end of its life … just to prove it, it broke down as they were leaving so they stayed the rest of the night. It's in the garage awaiting repair … Hank will sell it and buy a new one when we all get there. Think the garage owner suggested price for spares rather than straight sell to go on second hand market. Yes the garage owner lived to tell the tale but only just!**

**As for mine it's fairly new so I'm going to see if it comes under moving arrangements in which case I'm hoping they will fly it out to the larger airport and I can drive it the rest of the way or fly it on the two trips. I certainly would not want to drive it over the mountains. … I suppose it could go by lorry as our other stuff might have too if flights are not provided.**

**Oh the thought of sorting it all out! **

**If you are wondering about me being out of water … well there is a swimming pool so I can get wet occasionally. Buy a sandpit if I miss the beach, say I'm thinking of the kids! and playing with the kids in it. I know Sara told you about riding which I have not done recently… okay okay, not since I was knee high but who's counting and I'm sure it's easy to relearn, perhaps a small … soft … one to start off with. Well, we will have a choice as there are stables in town and further up the valley which do holiday rides into the mountains as well as into the valley. Hey even your parents might like to take it up again!!! **

**Attaching more details of town and a map of the area, marked where apartments are. Looking at the map again and thinking about things if we feel we need to have space or your parents want somewhere more out in the country but have the amenities of a small town there is a place up the valley that looks interesting. It's about an hour away and just off the road to Canada so I guess it would not be clear during the winter, but being snug cut off by snow could be an advantage… providing you've got all the amenities and food of course.**

**Never managed to get a look at that one or get details as I had a plane to catch, but we can do that when we arrive and sorted ourselves out ... something for the future. There were some job ideas in the papers but I think we would want to wait a couple of months before looking anyway. Hank reckons their savings will last and still have something left to put into a business if needs be and we hopefully will have some money from the shop. The fact we will be paying very little for the accommodation will help all round. **

**We thought we would move sometime in June give us time to settle knowing you might need Joan when you have your son. **

**Wow that feels strange and nice. **

**But as Sara said there is NO pressure in visual contact between us if it is difficult … I understand your reservations about family closeness and add we will respect your conditions with love.**

**I ask only one thing. Trust in your love for John and us. Just as I trust in the love I have for Sara and our family. **

**Know that this job is right for me and I'm really looking forward to the challenge and change. **

**I know we will be leaving close friends behind but Sara and I are happy about this. Your parents are also happy in what they and we are doing.**

**On to business of the apartment here, can we do anything for you … I assume you will not be travelling here just to sort it out. Is there any furniture you want packed up and stored or for us to take with us. I will go through all cupboards etc and collect any bits that you might have unknowingly missed and pack them up safe for you or let you know what they are so we can get rid of them if necessary.**

**So, on to Sunset Sisters what do you want us to do, we think we might be able to get a buyer … Bette has heard whispers but will not say anything till we hear from you. As you know the money from a complete sale will be useful rather than being sleeping partners to someone in Sunset Beach. Though the way profits are ticking over it could be a good short-term idea, we always could sell our partnership and leave yours in if you wish. I'm pretty sure whatever happens Sara will want to buy into something after we have moved or do some part time business because she needs that kind of outside contact. **

**Your parents have already said they are not ready to retire just yet and like the idea of splitting babysitting and business in a threesome. It's been working well here so that is a thought. While looking at the papers and area Hank hinted about something to do with farming and animals. Sara and Mum said 'no too old to start again' needless to say he was a bit hurt but understood as your Mum reminded him of cold long nights and it would be cold days in the winter. So there is still a lot of sorting out and of course we would wait till we suss out the area anyway. **

**As I said earlier we sent the acceptance before we slept and we got official acceptance of job and flats today news about furnishings is to follow … … hence the silence till now as we didn't want to give you half a story.**

**Just thought how does a farmer's café sound LOL**

**As for the Shock Wave there are two options being thought of Tim buying Hank out, which would be hard for Tim (Not too sure how he is financed) or Hank could sell with Tim being part of the deal as a manager. I hope this will work as he has done very well in the job and Hank says he has no worries about leaving the place in Tim's hands if a suitable sale has not occurred by the time we move. You have to admit your father would not have said that a couple of years ago. **

**Time certainly changes things and so do people. **

**After all who would have thought that Tim who hated Ben would have accepted his daughter? Yes there is a bond between the father and uncle in fact between the two families. When you see them together the likeness is striking it must be the eyes and smile, and of course that sleeping temper, though not in girls I hence to add … well not yet. **

**Yep Benjy has it as some school bullies found out, but like Ben it takes a lot to get it roused and is short and sharp … glad to say everything was fine no one really got hurt and Benjy is back to his gentle fun loving self. As for wondering if Abby will be hurt by the fact she is not Tim's I believe the bond there will be strong enough and they always refer to Ben as uncle and Benjy as a cousin so it should be quiet natural. **

**Otherwise all gossip is as in the emails friends send and the papers on the web, which I know you read, so everything is peaceful. **

**Thinking about the paper … of course as I've told AJ, Bette knew hence the tip off about a possible buyer … she wanted to do an article I've asked her not to or make it small and near the time we actually move and only mention the State if needs be. I must admit she looked puzzled so I explained we are just an ordinary family now and she smiled said she understood, so the grapevine will be verbal not via the paper and they only know the State not the town we are going to. She is of course sad we are going but we promised to keep in touch she sends her love and thanks for mail and will get reply off fairly soon. **

**Of course everyone here send you and John love. … Glad to know things are going on all right. **

**Casey.**

While reading the mail Meg felt John's arm around her shoulders now as she finished she silently tucked into his embrace, suddenly feeling happy and yet scared … it was all happening … her family would be with them soon.

A thought crossed her mind so she pushed away a little so she could talk to him and asked. "What about the apartment?"

John nodded and said thoughtfully as Meg moved so she could send a reply to Casey. "Friend of ours would be best. Guess things will really start moving now."

Meg put her hand on John's as he gave her a slow smile; she knew he had reservations about the families' reactions once they knew the truth and said softly to reassure him. "Casey said he wanted to come … looking forward to the challenge … his decision, their decision John."

John nodded and added softly "He knows you are somewhere nearby and wants to reassure you that he wanted it and your privacy will be safe no matter how close you are."

She looked at him and realised just how well he knew Casey and nodded thinking back over the mail and knew she could not write a long answer yet. So wrote.

**Congratulations Casey!!**

**John sends congratulations as well.**

**What an upheaval to come. **

**Town and apartments sounds great will look at information later.**

**Will think about apartment, in the meantime you might keep ear to ground and see if a friend of the family wants it that would make it easy to transfer rather than sell on the open market, be back later on that.**

**As for Sunset Sisters I will leave that in Sara's capable hands regarding selling as a whole business … I know we started 50 – 50 but as she and mum been doing all the work don't mind different ratio. … Well I know you will keep an eye on her and so will Dad so have a think about it.**

**Be in touch soon. **

**Love to everyone.**

**Meg**

She turned to John as she pressed the send key and asked "What if Casey can't find a friend and we have to sell, surely your friend would want your brother's first refusal possibly would want to explain it to me because the Casita was not worth the price of the apartment."

John gave a gentle chuckle, "My brother could just claim he had forgotten about it after all a million is not much compared to what he or my friend has now. He need not explain anything to you just give you a reasonable amount. You can write to him care of Robert say Sara and Casey are moving and you want to put a new tenant in then we wait and see what happens. You could use Robert's lawyers regarding Sunset Sisters and the apartment. It would be one way of keeping a barrier between you and everyone else after all they are good going concerns and it would be quite reasonable for Derek to have a look. Robert will also know what's going on."

"Hadn't thought of that" Meg said quietly as her mind raced on. "I cannot believe it's really happening June and they will be here. Val knew they would fall in love with the apartments, she always said she wanted the house to be looked after." She gave a gentle giggle thinking about their friend as she carried on, "She might look like a bubbly blonde but her head is certainly not in the clouds. You can tell Casey's already smitten and that was on a quick look round. When she hits them with the choice of furniture etc they are not going to be able to believe it.

Meg paused for a moment then said a bit more seriously. "I know they are only kidding about neighbours being good I'm sure they will be, but being just upstairs is going to be different from being across the town as they are now."

She could not help laughing seeing John's expression and remembered his interaction with her father, then saw a flash of apprehension cross his face and knew he was thinking about the face-to-face meeting they would have to have and that nothing was going to stop it now. It was actually going to happen.

They both knew there would be anger and hurt from her family and Casey but she knew there would be love and understanding as well so she said gently to try and reassure him. "It will be fine and they will understand John. You've given them a chance to walk away, Casey did not have to take the job, he wanted too. Once here if he decides it's not for him there are other jobs, there's something for Mum and Dad even Sara and they have the two towns to choose from or more on the other side of the valley. Hurt feelings at first perhaps but nothing else, especially when they see how happy we are, you faced my anger and my love … it will be all right."

She saw a slow smile cross his face and the light in his eyes come back and kissed him, then said gently. "Come on Shep needs a walk and so do I. We really will have to decide what to call our son otherwise we will be calling him Scamp or even Fidget after his father. To be honest I don't know who is worse at the moment." She smiled at his scowl at her gentle true tease and ran her hand over her bump, feeling the baby settle. She then stretched feeling her back muscles ease and got up and got her jacket and called. "Come on Shep!"

John laughed and got his coat and followed them out.

They walked along the path watching Shep running on ahead then Meg asked. "How's the stable I noticed another horse in there when I went into town, was that someone in for the day?"

John picked up the stick Shep had dropped at his feet and handed it to Meg to throw while they stood still for him to answer. It was a natural habit they had got into over the months, so much so she found she did it with other people, which had interesting results.

She threw the stick and felt John gently rub the small of her back and heard his gentle chuckle as he answered. "Yes, Mr Jones of Platers rang Jim to see if he could use the stables apparently his car had broken down, we had room so gave him a price, which he liked. Then this afternoon he asked if he could take it for a few more days as the repair is going to take longer than they thought. Apparently the garage offered him a car but he rather liked the fact he could use the bridle path said it was quieter and quicker than the road. Mind you it has not rained on him yet."

Knowing Mr Jones Meg laughed as John carried on. "Could be starting a trend as we've had a few other enquires including some who want to come in with their traps and carts for the market. Had a chat with Tony and he's going to give us access to the spare land behind his office so we might keep them there. Horse and cart park type thing, of course the horses will have to be watched and tied up with their carts, unless the owners unhitch them, so we will have to think everything through before we say yes. Possibly do it on the understanding we are all learning.

Trying not to sound too concerned he added. "Bill's stated sniffing around wanting to run a big article in the paper about the stable complex and possibilities, I told him we were not big enough for that so we wanted word and mouth only, piled it on that we have the holiday rides at the hotel to cater for. He backed down a bit and it's going to focus on Jim and his shop with just a slight mention about the renovation of the stables leaving me out of it. Guess I will have to ask Jack to have a gentle word with him, mind you that could be counter productive in his case so perhaps it's best left alone. Hey, you never know we might have to put hitching post outside every office and shop next."

Shep came back with the stick and dropped it at John's feet asking for more so he picked it up and threw it as Meg replied. "Oh yes I can see it now horse queues instead of traffic queues. … I was watching Jackie on Snow White she's a good rider I'm glad they get on so well."

John put his arm round her shoulders hearing the slight tone of sadness in her voice as she finished talking and said gently. "You miss Snow White."

"Yes" then with a sigh of acceptance she added. "There's always the autumn or early winter to ride and share her. Come on … littlen needs to sit down."

"That's right blame the poor lad." John gently teased then called. "Come on Shep, home!" keeping his arm protectively around her shoulders they walked home in the fading light as the sun set behind the mountains.

oxoxo

As John and Meg did not have a rushed morning they sat and read Sara's early mail, the subject title made them smile even before they open the attachment of pictures. "**Weeeeeeee! See Pics!**"

**Hi Sis**

**Help!!! We are moving!! Oh what a thought!**

**Not sure whether the butterflies are fear or excitement …….. Oh the last one I think Wow!!!"**

**Oh by the way just in case you have not looked at the pics THEY are moving too!!! **

**Why oh why can't they be like other babies and CRAWL!!! Oh perhaps they will it was just a one off!**

**As you can see we have the largest playpen ever! at least they can not climb over the sofa … yet … I mean to say you can hardly see Mark's face when he's up against the sofa, and of course Susan in one step behind. … Oh I really didn't say that did I … talk about tempting fate!**

**Oh but you should have seen them it was beautiful as well as shocking! Mind you we still have to work out exactly how the little Herberts did it … Okay I admit it they only did one step or one and a half before falling back on their bums (do you think if we took off their diapers they will stop. … Umm cancel that way too messy) To cap it all there were no tears just silence and then a giggle … yep THAT giggle of course as Sir managed to snap the pictures I think he must have been in on the whole thing!**

**Anyway we have decided to play safe and put the gate so they can not climb the stairs but left the bottom one free so they use it … suckers aren't we … well it's the only way we think they managed to get up right and the sofa was next to the stairs as Casey had moved it earlier. Never again will that sofa be moved near the stairs!!!**

**Seriously love the idea of moving in June … Oh My … it will be May soon!!! Okay a slight exaggeration I know but guess it will be thinking cap time. So expect silence for a while ... Oh Ben has asked Dad if he can use the Shock Wave for Sam's first birthday party he's making sure Benjy has a celebration at the same time so we will most probably move after that. **

**You know the more I think of it the more I KNOW Casey set me up regarding the twins I mean to say their legs can not really support them yet … can they? … and all they have done since is roll around and suck their toes. Oh yes and giggle. **

**But hey they are really cute pics of them though … Oh yes … I will get my own back on my husband never fear.**

**Love you both **

**Sara. **

After looking through the pictures Meg sorted out a reply while John still laughing at them made a cup of tea.

**Hi Sis**

**Well what can you expect they have such wonderful parents. LOL **

**Don't be too hard on Casey (remember pics on the wall) and I agree the pictures true or false are wonderful … thanks. **

**Let me know what you are thinking and planning so I can help if needs be, I know Casey would have shown you my mail so take care and don't panic.**

**The three of us are fine. Okay I will admit to back ache some of the time.**

**Love Meg.**

John pushed the cup of tea towards her saying. "You need to tell Robert, you can do it from here if you wish just use the right mail address."

Meg nodded got up and got the disk from upstairs; when she came back down she was not surprised that John had made himself comfortable at the table near the computer so he could see what she wrote. Her glance also took in the plate of biscuits by his cup of tea ... Yeah he could be wicked sometimes.

He looked at her then pushed them towards her cup of tea saying, "It's not polite to eat alone and you need to keep your strength up."as he took his hand away from the plate he snagged a biscuit and took a bite.

'Yeah well, who could resist his words along with that innocent look that went his very innocent sort of pleading voice?' She laughed and took a biscuit as ordered and was rewarded with a teasing loving smile from him which left her feeling weak at the knees. Still with a little of her mouthful left she could not resist the comment. "You know if our baby has any part of you we are sunk!"

She nearly keeled over as his eyes were bright and his voice full of mischief as he replied "In that case we are definitely sunk as it will have part of you as well and I never could resist you especially with that look."

She giggled knowing they were both 'sunk in love' and shaking her head slightly to try and get back to what they were meant to be doing put the disk in and started up her mail to Robert.

**Hi Robert**

**Just to let you know we are still alive and well … may be not after Paul comes home … though … but hey that will teach him to chose Mat (and John) as best man, if you see what I mean. **

**Glad to know Mat gave you a copy of video of the reception, of course Paul does not know he had it taken yet!!! But you must admit his face was a picture of shock and giggles … come to that Val was having a hard time keeping a straight face so I guess she must have known the story. … John will explain in depth if you ask nicely.**

**The bride and groom were such a lovely couple, even on tape you could see he was knocked out by her dress and her of course, and what's more important nothing went wrong!!!! Not even that little pageboy … Wow … the video of it was good. Didn't Sandy look smart and the carriage of course, yeah, okay Simon as well, can't leave him out after all. … okay, okay that glimpse of Jackie … satisfied now! But all those relations!!!!!**

**I suppose I should have guessed Mat would have arranged to have the whole thing to be taped… bless him. **

**Simon has had a few of requests for firm dates over the next couple of months and even one for next year!!! We will have to keep them to a minimum because of travelling down the valley and our bookings up here … At least he remembered to say it would be a different horse and driver … I suppose we could set up a branch down there … umm might think about it would certainly be easier.**

**I agree cake was nice … see we got a piece each! … so did Mandy and Jack.**

**We had a lovely film sent by special courier of them in Venice … Oh my … it was lovely, next time you are coming by we will show you. **

**Now for the real exciting news – at last!**

**Last night Casey sent mail to say he has accepted the job and they will move in June. Oh boy … not sure who is the most nervous at the moment … them or us. Most likely just after Sam's birthday as Ben has asked Dad for the hire of the Shock Wave. It sounds like a wonderful idea for both Benjy and Sam even though she will not understand any of it, and because Dad and Benjy get on so well it will be a good way to say goodbye to him.**

**Can't believe it will be June when they come … to think in June last year I walked away from love of everyone I cared for only to eventually find my real destiny and soulmate. So much has happened and changed it still gives me shivers and now this year they will be coming here. **

Meg felt John's gentle light kiss on her head, the quiet loving words 'I love you' as she wrote her words. She stopped and looked at him seeing his eyes bright with happiness then turned back to her mail, feeling his light touch on her shoulder. Her mind flashed through the times from the beginning to now when she sat and watched him walk in the gardens with Shep or ride Sandy and wrote ….

**Nothing stays still for long does it? **

**Oh saying that!**

**The twins are trying to walk …. Oh poor Sara … go and get her to show you the pictures they are great. **

**Though she is coming round to the idea that Casey set the whole thing up to get back at her. You will understand why when you go to their apartment.**

A whispered word from John brought her back to the serious side of her email.

**Umm a favour for John and me if you can … once my family move would it be possible for you to still send us news and film of our other family, funny though it may seem we would miss your updates on them, especially as they are so happy. And yes we will still value your friendship and visits.**

**We have decided when our son is old enough (possibly in his twenties) he will see the videos you have given us and know his other family and history. **

**I need your help regarding the apartment and the shop obviously I cannot use Charles as legal help so I would like to channel things through you or your legal partner in Sunset or Seattle rather than Boston. There is a history regarding my apartment, which you need to hear as it could complicate things. John has all the details, he's the guilty party … in a nice way though.**

**I'll let you decided, which way you want to deal with hearing about it but it should be as soon as possible. There is always a spare room in the apartment here for you if you want a quick stop over.**

John gently pointed out. "As Casey knows you are close tell Robert we will use plan B when your family come."

"Sure?"

"Yeah get it over with I mean Casey's going to find your name on the files at Paul's office so they might just as well know as soon as possible."

"So Sunday lunch then."

John nodded then started another biscuit giving her one, which she took and ate as carried on with her mail.

**By the wording of Casey's mail John thinks he knows I'm nearby of course he will find out I am very close as soon as he looks through the files in the office. So if Mat can arrange for their flight to be on a Saturday morning they will have the rest of the day to settle in and we will invite them up to the hotel for Sunday lunch. Jack could pick them up in the 'traveller' if necessary; we will have him and Mandy as well as our hawks to mediate if necessary. Not that I think it will be necessary perhaps we can discuss details later.**

**Glad to know family are well and the girls are keeping you on your toes!!**

**Love **

**Meg and John**

Meg glanced at John who nodded and smiled so she pressed the keys and watched the letters changed then tried to swipe the last chocolate biscuit only to find John was quicker.

She pouted knowing what it would do to him and he smiled then broke it into pieces to feed it to her slowly … making her giggle. Shep who was sitting on the floor at the end of the table gave a couple barks and wagged his tail … hopefully.

John and Meg stopped looked at each other then John sighed then said. "Guess we'll have to let him have the last bit." Meg nodded and watched as John gave Shep the last bit saying. "Okay bossy-boots; let's get on with the day then." He looked back at Meg as he added, "I'll see you lunch time I've got to deal with the riding school stables."

Meg laughed, "Stable lad again I see."

John smiled and nodded, then added softly "Free afternoon for good behaviour though."

"Oh Promises Promises." Meg teased and was delighted with the parting kiss he gave her before he left the apartment.

She stayed seated watching him walk towards the paddock with Shep bouncing along beside him and had a flash of the future as Casey and two children walked beside him, she laughed at the idea and decided she would finish her work upstairs.

oxoxo

The reply from Robert came late afternoon and was short and to the point.

**Meg **

**Your wish is my command … In Boston … see you tomorrow (being Tuesday) … after lunch … apartment will be great … Sue will bring extra hankies.**

**Robert.**


	50. Chapter 50

**Chapter 50 **

After a long companionable silence during their drive back from her hospital check up and farewell/baby shower Meg suddenly commented. "You know I really really hate waiting and being kept out of the picture. … Even Robert is doing it now! … I thought having a joint lawyer would mean more news. Oh No just … "

Mandy smiled as she listened understanding Meg's frustrated emotional moan, who could blame her she was pregnant after all. She knew the others knew that and wanted to protect her from the ups and down of near missed deals in SB and time was creeping on. Although it was still May they had about four weeks to go and she knew now that Meg's job was finished time would seem a mixture of slowing and rushing. ….

"… Cryptic emails 'Michael and Vanessa possible, Sunset Sisters okay, don't worry enjoy your peace and quiet.' What on earth am I meant to make of that and Sara's just as useless saying things are fine not too worry, phone calls are worse…."

"Damn!" Mandy exclaimed as she took evasive action to miss the coach, which was usually parked down the side of the driveway with enough room for anyone to pass. But today it was sticking out at such an odd angle she had no hope of going by. There hadn't been any danger to either of them or shock as she'd been going slowly, knowing the kids and others could be leaving the stables about now.

As she eased the car towards the hotel car park she carried on talking. "To be honest there is nothing you can do. They are the ones on the spot and they don't want you to worry, they know you can't do anything from a distance." Her tone lightened a bit as she said. "Mind you, after last night's business it's just as well things at Sunset Beach are going along quietly. I'll park and we'll walk round, the things can be carried through by staff."

Meg hadn't been worried by the sudden change of direction, but it did concentrate her thoughts making her give a sigh of resignation, "Yes… I suppose you're right, perhaps that's why it's so irritating" thinking about last night as Mandy had reminded her she couldn't help smiling and wondering if the 'trouble fairy' that dogged them at SB had finally found them and said. "Talk about chaos and plans being wrecked." She looked back at the coach as they swung into a parking place. "Are you going to argue with the coach driver?" who she could see was reading a paper so possibly hadn't realised what had happened or was just hiding and hoping.

Mandy smiled as she brought the car to a gentle halt. "No I'll let Jack do that later he's got more official clout."

Her grouchy mood gone Meg smiled at that thought and another and teased Mandy. "Ready for the big change then?"

Mandy laughed and said honestly, "No … thank goodness it's not till late July," she looked at Meg and emphasized lightly in view of earlier thoughts as she carried on. "And I **don't** want your son putting in an early appearance at the party regardless of the long speeches, thank you very much!"

Meg laughed and teased. "Be a good climax don't you think!"

"Oh don't please!" Mandy sighed and shook her head; they got out the car and saw Jackie waiting on the driveway to the apartments obviously anxious to give and get news but from her smile knew things were not too bad.

Opening the car door to get things from the back seat Mandy said. "I'll explain things to the lad who's just come out then catch you up." Then huffed good naturedly. "After all we can't keep her waiting now can we?"

"Heaven forbid!" Meg exclaimed with a laugh and started to walk up the pathway to get to the driveway.

oxoxo

Meg smiled as she carried on walking towards Jackie, wondering just who was going to get their news out first.

As Mandy caught up with her, Meg felt tension grow in both of them, which was not surprising after last night's chaos. Of course that had meant today and the next few days were not going to be the quiet days they had been hoping for and got back to wondering what if anything she should tell Casey after all it would affect his future and their plans, but she still wanted them here.

As they got within talking distance Jackie jumped in first with "Everyone's okay and the ride was good. So how are things?!"

Mandy chuckled and Meg smiled recognising Jackie's tone.

Knowing just how stubborn Jackie could be Meg answered her question in sound bites hoping that would be enough and she would get more about what had been going on in their absence. "Great party and presents got the promise of carrying on a few hours from home if I want to. I'll think about that later. I checked out okay and the baby is fine … so it must have been indigestion. … Got some scan pics … due date end of July or beginning of August."

Seeing Jackie's stubborn expression she sighed and continued. "Okay. My doctor thinks it's going to be August and of course just to be different Mandy's brother thinks July. We reckon he just wants extra days off as he's going to stay here in case John needs him. … The midwife is coming round again in a couple days time just to make sure every thing is okay for the new portable incubator etc when it arrives." She gave a slight giggle "Of course they loved the idea that John and Jack will donate it to the emergency crew afterwards." She then added in a tone Jackie would recognise. "Val and Paul okay?"

They'd been walking slowly down the driveway to the apartments as she talked and had silently acknowledged the six school kids who ran past them to get on the coach. Seeing the adults following the children Meg realised it was the group John would have been out with so started to walk towards the stables rather than towards the apartment.

Happy with the news Jackie started to give her account of the day. "John took Paul out with him said he needed some light relief, still not sure whether he was talking about Paul or himself. As it turned out the group were sort of okay, which was just as well as those two together are useless."

They all smiled knowing exactly what she meant and she huffed. "Yeah a right pair of kids! Anyway Val is at Tony's I think they got accountants with them as well … either way they've been there most of the day and might not get back till late." Jackie couldn't help smiling as she told her tale. "The 'removal men' have stored what furniture and bits they could in the spare buildings at the Hardware store, and staff and office stuff are in offices John bought." She saw the look of surprise on both their faces and carried on "Yeah, glad you never knew about those offices either … talk about a dark horse!"

Mandy and Meg had smiled at the mention of the 'removal men' remembering the rush that had happened after last night's frantic phone call from Paul and Val. That was the first sign that their plans for Casey and his family were going down the plug hole at ninety miles an hour with very little to stop it. The 'removal men' had been all the police officers Jack could round up along and others including Simon in police and other cars and vans to sort out what was happening and pick everything they legally could in the couple of hours allotted to them.

As Jackie mentioned about the offices, Meg could not subdue the shiver that ran through her so Mandy ignored her daughter's last remarks and said gently guessing Meg's thoughts. "Don't worry Casey will have a job, just not with Paul's firm; Mat will help Paul regarding the investigation and loss of the firm. Of course, Val's relations chucking her off the board and out the house last night are too much of a coincidence so it should not take too long to find out the connection and truth, once that's done things will get sorted out."

Meg felt a little calmer but really unhappy not only for her family's sake but also Paul and Val's betrayal and said crossly. "I know, but to kick her out of her house like that! I mean she's been looking after the firm and family for years now when she starts to get a life of her own they chuck her out with nothing!! Claiming it was her fault as well!"

Mandy couldn't help a slight smile and said. "Not quite nothing. … It must have been quite a surprise to find the police turn up to get the furniture etc. and at the firm as well. They thought it would be just what she could carry but at least they couldn't argue with the officers."

Jackie butted in with a little bit of a laugh in her voice, not wanting things to go too morbid on them. "Oh, I think they are finding out just how big a mistake they've made actually."

She smiled as she got their attention back to today and explained. "You know John told her to cancel anything that had her name on immediately. … That meant calls to power, water, phones, food deliveries, car hire and carers for the older aunts or uncles and the same goes for the office. Well! amazingly they all stopped immediately so today they have nothing.

Regarding the firm the staff that could not move out are working to rule saying she as their boss used to check everything which means the new boss has to check everything. Of course they are questioning whether the new bloke is qualified and can be trusted.

The contracted staff walked out and took everything with them, including computer disks, paper files as well as the odd computer and cabinet and left notes demanding immediate payment of salary with the accounting staff. Apparently although the contracts are with Val personally the payment is with the firm with penalties for late payment so that should be fun."

"Really!" Meg exclaimed brightening at the thought of the chaos.

Jackie smiled "Yes, Val insisted that clause be put in years ago; what's more they had police, legal people and papers there so 'the man' as they nicknamed him could not make a fuss. That was courtesy of Jack and Tony by the way, and how they ended up in the offices I mentioned earlier.

Apparently as Paul and John gossiped during the wedding preparation John sensed rumblings of unrest within the family but of course never thought it would be anything like this. He thought they might have let her go freelance, anyway he heard about these offices the day before the wedding, they were being renovated. Owners had to sell quickly so he bought leasehold thought it was too good an opportunity to miss. Wasn't going to say anything till he put them on the market and got his money back, of course now he's got clients in a bit quicker than he thought, but I don't think he'll charge rent just yet."

As they haven't got phones in yet the contracted staff have been on their cell phones ringing round clients hoping to get their side of the story in first and keep the contracts by reassuring them that Val is with them."

Jackie stopped for a moment to draw breath, they had stopped opposite the apartments to listen to her because Mandy was going to go back to the hotel rather than down to the stables and would call in later with Jack for other news.

Having got her breath back and sorted the rest of the story in her mind Jackie carried on. "As for Paul well he is still in shock about the accusation of bad practice and surprise take-over or sell out whatever you call it. But he is a bit happier now he knows Mat is bringing the big guns in from Boston and should be here tonight. Of course that's going to take time and they've got to work out whether it's worth spending money to get the firm back or just walk away and just get Paul's good name back."

She gave a snort of light-hearted disgust as she carried on. "Of course my so called better half put his nose in, didn't he and said there's a nightclub in town wanting a make over and a new owner."

Meg gave a chuckle guessing what was coming.

Jackie smiled, "Oh Yeah! … Needless to say both John and Paul's eyes lit up, big smiles … I mean if they'd been walking John would have been faced down in no time. But as they were riding by the end they had decided that Val can do the interior design, Paul would be manager while John would act as agent and Mat put the money up. Then, once Paul's good name and money were back he would take over completely. All the while there was Simon, Stephen and myself trying to control and calm the kids ... yeah bedlam."

She laughed with the others then carried on half seriously. "I just wonder which one is going to tell Mat that he's got a new project to finance, and Val's not only staff to sort out but a nightclub to dress up. … Not a bad hour's work really." Her anger caught up with her as she sighed and added. "I still don't understand why they turned on her like that. I mean the pair of them are great to be around … Mad in Paul's case I know."

Meg had given a near silent chuckle at the bit about the nightclub that sounded typical of John and Paul, now understood part of the reason she smiled and said. "All about who's in control and money, before the relations had been in control of Val but since Paul's been around and especially since New Year they've seen he's been willing to back her ideas, he's not afraid of the consequences of saying no to them. Now this nephew's come along he's young, ambitious, unattached and can be moulded into what they want."

Mandy, knew her daughter's belief in family pulling together and said half in disbelief. "Oh come on Jackie! Don't say you've forgot about John and his twin!"

Jackie shook her head and smiled, "Umm point taken … talking of whom, John not his brother I need a quick word Mum."

It was quiet now the kids, minders and coach had gone, Mandy smiled knowing what her daughter's fears were so turned to Meg and asked. "Are you okay with Paul and Val staying with you for a while?"

Without any hesitation knowing John's views Meg answered happily. "Yes John's fine with the arrangement but if it gets too much we will chuck them over to you. I know you've got room in the lodge for them. Come over with Jack for a conference meal in the garden room, we'll order from the restaurant to save cooking."

Mandy smiled warmly "Good idea, Jack will join us when he's free and don't worry if Val's apartments are lost; we can always put your family in the lodge till they find somewhere to live. And Casey might be able to work out that internet idea from the interview if not I'm sure we can find something for him to do so finance will not be a problem."

"I know." Meg smiled and sighed. "And to think yesterday afternoon we were putting the finishing touches to our plans for the meet and greet Sunday meal and wishing everyone at Sunset would tell me what the hell was going on. Now it's me who's going to be wondering how much I should tell them!"

Mandy laughed and asked, "Was that it Jackie?" Jackie nodded and Mandy carried on, "Good, I'll see you later." then turned to walk towards the private entrance to the hotel.

Making their way towards the stables Jackie asked. "Okay so what did they give you Meg? Not giving her a chance to answer exclaimed. "Guess they've not cleared the stables yet."

They could hear the noise of horses' shoes on the path and saw Shep come bouncing round the corner followed by Simon who was walking by Sandy's head while talking to John who was still riding.

Meg stopped and watched John dismount and start to talk to Simon again. Shep now stood away from Sandy obviously resigned to wait for his master, though from the wag of his tail and the quick look in her direct Meg knew she'd been spotted even if John had not seen them yet.

Jackie's teasing comment. "Okaay so where is the other trouble maker then?" brought her back to where she was.

Starting to walk towards the group Meg laughed and automatically looked towards the paddock and spotted the 'other trouble maker' and exclaimed. "In the paddock letting Jess and few of the others out … ooh! There's Snow White chasing Thor! Promise you'll not fight Val for her."

Jackie laughed understanding Meg's accidentally spoken fears and said happily. "No we'll share after all I like Val even if she does not know which way is up at the moment."

Meg chuckled knowing that was quite true, turned her attention back to John and Simon and was going to call John's name to get his attention when she saw him sway and release Sandy's reigns and put his hand out. She saw the startled look on Simon's face and then saw John start to collapse to the ground. Simon still in shock moved to help him to the ground.

Disbelief with heart beating fast and a sinking feeling of shock enveloping her, Meg started a hesitating awkward run towards them. Seeing Simon put his hand on the side of John's neck to check his pulse, shot the fear of what it could mean through her mind and she screamed. "No! John! Please John, No!"

Simon's concentration on what he had to do never wavered, not even as Meg arrived and knelt awkwardly beside John taking hold of his hand still calling his name over and over again.

oxoxo

At the first sign of John's collapse Shep ran, opening the apartment's door and pressing the emergency buzzer as he had been trained to do. Then he lay down so the door would stay open and he would not be anyone's way, but watched where his Master lay. Sandy had started to walk back to the stables as soon as he heard Stephen's whistle.

Mandy had stopped and turned at Meg's heartbreaking yell then ran with racing heart knowing Meg would get to John before her. That Simon would be in radio contact with the necessary people and Jackie would follow Shep into the apartment to get the emergency equipment that might be needed. They had all trained for this though never thought it would happen not since he started coping so well. The strongest thought that raced through her mind was - She was not going to lose her son not now!

As soon as the emergency buzzer had been pressed the special flood lights lit the paddock up, red round the outside with white in the middle to guide the helicopter down, whether it was day or night. When the lights came on the helpers knew what to do and Stephen gave a sharp whistle and the horses stopped racing around and started to come to him. He gave the signal and those nearest the riding school were collected and lead inside. The rest came to the gate to the stable and followed on through. Paul not understanding what was going on shadowed Stephen who explained what was happening and what he wanted him to do. Stephen knew that the horses were trained to stay calm when the helicopter came so he could leave the stables.

oxoxo

Simon had been immediate contact with Mandy's brother and the helicopter unit through the radio they carried when out with John. He called out the information to them and got information back and acted on it. As John's pulse disappeared then after a scary moment came back only this time it was very weak and he could feel John going into shock.

Meg still shocked took a breath and looked up as Mandy arrived and Simon quickly explained knowing it could be important. "He said Derek then collapsed! I don't think he saw me Mandy. His pulse disappeared and is now very weak and he's going into shock."

Mandy got down beside Meg, taking medical things out of the bag she always carried with her said reassuringly. "Keep talking to him Meg doesn't matter which name you use. It's your tone and touch that's important." then started to check him over, eased his position and made her own assessment.

Meg talked as she gently put John's hand on her stomach hoping that feeling their son move as he settled down after her shock and run and hearing about him her soulmate would stay with them.

Jackie arrived with the emergency equipment and set it up, then covered John's waist and legs with a blanket. Simon listening to the radio through his earpiece put the oxygen mask on John's face and said. "Mandy, they will be here in five minutes we have to move him now." and looked over to Jackie need her input.

Jackie checked the machine, knowing they really needed more time and looked over at her Mother saying. "Pulse is weak but steadying, from the chart looks like deep shock rather than an actual heart attack. You and I will grab the bits and pieces, Stephen and Simon can carry him on the board. We can't risk him hearing the helicopter."

"I know. … Paul, look after Meg." Mandy said as Paul and Stephen arrived with the stretcher that was usually kept in the stables. She knew they were taking a risk moving him but they had too.

Meg felt a hand on her shoulder and looked up at Paul who said with a shaky voice. "You need to move Meg."

She felt dazed as her mind was starting to play catch up and asked, "Why call out for Derek?" as she reluctantly let go of John's hand and then with Paul's help got to her feet. She was shaking and found herself tucked into Paul's embrace against his side so they could walk to the apartments together. The warmth and comfort of it reminded her of John when he wanted to protect her and felt a stronger shiver run through her as they watched the others expertly move her soulmate onto the stretcher and started towards the apartments.

"We'll ask him when he comes round. He's a fighter; he's going to be fine Meg." Paul said gently as they followed the group into the apartment.

In the distance they could hear the gentle thumping of the helicopter's engines.

oxoxo

As they got into the apartment and the doors closed Mandy called across the room. "Meg, we need to find out what has happened to Derek."

Meg dazed by the order just looked at her so she explained again. "John has a connection to Derek rather than the other way round. I'm pretty sure it's Derek who collapsed … possibly died … Meg … we need to know so we can treat John."

Meg nodded feeling Paul's arm gently guide her over to the sofas, the bustle of the group at the end of the apartment as they put John on the bed cleared some of her daze. She nodded again and felt Paul release her so she could sit down, which she did. She fumbled as the looked in her bag to find her phone; her mind was starting to buzz away from heart attacks for both brothers to hoping that Robert would be in Sunset and not Seattle or Boston.

She found it, knowing Paul would stay close to help her and felt Shep's head rest gently on her knees just as he used to do with John, she shook that thought of 'used to' and speed dialled Roberts emergency number on the second ring it was answered.

Shakily she said. "Robert, John's just collapsed calling Derek's name. We need to know what's happened so we can treat John."

"Meg I'll ring round and be in touch. I'm in Sunset but I don't know how long it will take could be five minutes could be longer, which phone shall I call you back on."

She started to relax very slightly as she heard his reassuring voice and answered. "Sara might use mine so use John's hotel one you'll be put straight through."

"Okay hang on to your love for him Meg."

She cut the call and snuggled up into Paul's welcoming embrace and his gentle reassuring words.

Oxoxo

The muffled thumping of the helicopter's engines could be heard as it landed then the silence as it stopped, followed fairly quickly by the whooshing of the door as Mandy's brother and co-worker ran into the apartment.

There was audio chaos as Mandy called across medical information to her brother who as he passed Meg gave her a look of reassurance but talked to Mandy and Jackie, which lead to action around John. Amongst it came Paul's quiet words, "I need to phone Val they will have heard the helicopter and be worried."

Meg moved a little out of his embrace to free him to use his phone but still kept contact with him needing that reassurance while starting to take notice of the sound from the heart monitor. As well as the reassuring fact that Shep had stayed with her and his tail was wagging slowly, surely that must be a good sign. Didn't they howl if their masters died?

She shivered as the monitor sounds dipped and peaked and Jackie run to her side saying urgently. "Meg John's heart is erratic due to shock we need to shock it back into the right rhythm … he's coming round and needs to see you are okay."

Shocked Meg got up and followed Jackie as she continued. "We think Derek had a heart attack and died and John got caught in the after shock. He'll be all right we need him to be asleep when Bob does it then it will get into a steady rhythm easily."

Meg hitched herself on the bed beside John for the first time really seeing how pale he looked; as she touched his cheek next to the mask his eyelids flickered.

"John sweetheart" she said gently and his eyes opened, no quite focused so she called again this time his free hand moved to find hers and she took it reassuring him gently. "It'll be all right John."

"Derek died as I held him Meg." His voice was soft with sadness and very weak.

"Oh Ben I'm sorry." She whispered her grief for his loss showing through, she knew in spite of all the pain Derek had caused them they loved him. "Robert is finding out what happened."

With the sound of his erratic heartbeat in the background he whispered. "Tired."

Bob said gently. "John we need you to rest while we get your heart into its right rhythm."

Meg noticed a flicker of understanding as John gave a tired nod and a weak "Need to know…."

Bob interrupted quickly, "You will John just a couple of hours sleep then we will be able to tell you what has happened and decide what to do. But we need to get you stable so rest, stay with Meg as you go to sleep … we will be around when you wake."

Meg felt his weak grasp on her hand tighten slightly and a gentle "Promise?" She smiled and answered, "Yes ... whatever the news is."

She watched him drift into sleep and when he was properly under she moved off the bed watching as Mandy and her brother checked the machines and set the panels up. The heart rate dipped and raised again as it started to dip again she felt Paul's arms round her shoulders and gentle words. "Sit over here Meg you don't need to watch this. … He'll be fine."

With little resistance she allowed herself to be moved over to the sofa but could not stop the shivering violently as she heard Mandy call out some numbers and Bob's voice call "Clear?" the others answered and then the buzz of the shock, quickly followed by the reassuring. "Okay rhythm caught … staying level ... keep checking"

Still not daring to look over she heard the regular rhythm of the monitor carrying on and started to breathe again relaxing her intense gaze on her hands. She felt a cold wet nose nudge into her hands and altered her gaze and saw Shep had stationed himself again so his head was resting on her lap, his big dark eyes were watching her, and those eyes seemed to glisten reassurance as did his body because his tail was wagging steadily.

"See said it was going to okay." Paul added gently, resting his hand on Shep's head.

Meg gave a gentle nod to both of them. She could see Paul's fear fading as well, and felt the weight of a hand on her shoulder and looked up to see Jackie. She too looked pale but like the others her eyes were bright and reassuring along with relief in her voice. "Bob is going to watch for a while to make sure the beat is steady but it's looking good already Meg."

Meg felt the warm rush of relief wash over her and gave a smile, which was mirrored by Jackie as she carried on. "Mum's going to order in soup and picnic food so we can pick as we want rather than a meal."

They all looked up as the apartment door whooshed open and Jack marched in looking very worried. Meg watched him take in the scene and gave him a slight smile, and his worry seemed to lessen but his attention swung away from her to Mandy who was smiling as she walked quickly over to him.

He opened his arms to give a hug as he exclaimed. "You would think that the room bathed in red light then helicopter landing outside would be enough to shut 'that' committee up. Oh no they had to carry on yakking till I walked out, then to cap it all found the car had been blocked in so had to walk round! What happened to John, I assume he will be all right?"

Mandy now in his hug said gently if a little shaky "Yes … it's Derek who died."

"Oh hell." Jack swore quietly and released her from the hug so she could carry on but kept his arm around her shoulder.

"John held his brother as he died." Mandy said quietly still shocked by it all.

"Oh double Hell." Jack swore sadly then sighed, "We never thought of that one did we?"

"No. We think it could have been a heart attack and the shock put his out of rhythm. We've shocked back and as there's no sign of an actual heart attack his end we reckon he will be all right. But Bob's put him to sleep for a couple of hours as a precaution." They looked at each other silently reassuring each other they were okay and their adopted son was really all right then Mandy broke the silence asking. "The new sheriff what's he like."

Jack smiled knowing his wife's tactics and need for distraction, "Good. Actually he was the one who told me to walk out as soon as he knew the reason for the red light. So he's doing my job and I'm here as long as you lot need me, anyone told Robert?"

Mandy gave a little laugh as she started to relax. "Meg did he's going to ring back on the hotel phone with news it could a long wait so I phoned through for food, Val should be arriving soon Paul told her that John collapsed but there was not danger, that will reassure Tony and stop Bill hunting a story."

There was a moment of silence then the door whooshed open and Val came in, Paul left Meg's side and went to her, hugging her as he brought her up to date. Meg felt Shep get up and walk over to Bob and John, and watched as he in an easy springing jump got up on the bed by his master and lay down nudging his nose under John's hand.

Bob gave a rueful smile as he looked over at his sister and the others. "Guess we can relax for a while, he's better than any machine I know. You can have your turn Meg when he starts to wake up any sooner might cause problems."

Meg smiled understanding his meaning, just as there was a knock on the joining apartment door, Bob pushed the button to open the door as he was the nearest. Two members of staff came in with food on special trays; Mandy and Bob took the trays and discussed arrangements for night before the staff left.


	51. Chapter 51

**Chapter 51 **

Now the crisis was contained, everyone knew it wasn't truly over there was the quieter bustle of people sorting out what to do, where to sleep etc. Meg pottered around with the others and found she dropped back into the old routine of quick visual checks as John lay sleeping as she had in the early days and found her mixed emotions of shock, fear, sadness and a little 'why now' settle down.

With the food laid out on the table everyone drifted over and between mouthfuls food, quieter introductions were made along with questions and speculation about what might have happened between the twins, which lead to the wish the phone would ring. All eyes turned to it and when it didn't and the silence stayed till Paul decided to break it and growing tension by encouraging Val to talk about her day with the lawyers and accountants.

She told them heatedly she was not going to pay lawyers what little money she had chasing her so called family through the courts for years; she would keep the money herself and walk away them all.

With sympathy they gently teased her as she tried to get herself out of the hole she'd just dug regarding lawyers, because they all knew Tony was a very good and kind lawyer. In the end the only way she could stop them was to explain everything and that Tony had written very strong legal letters stating she was not liable for any debts incurred now or in the future regarding the firm and family. Also that she was entitled to pay and commission due to the day she'd been booted out, and that it was up the nephew whether the firm sank or swam from now on not her. He'd forcefully stated that the house she'd been evicted from last night was left to her in the Aunt's Will that had no doubt started all this trouble and the nephew had no claim on it whatsoever as he'd told them. With regarding the firm the most positive thing they had managed to get was a commitment that all the staff would be paid by the end of the week but that was only after Tony reminded them of the clause she had put in her workers contracts. She ended with a smiling plea aimed at Meg for a roof over their heads till she and Paul could sort something out.

They all knew the answer was yes so a smile and nod was all that was needed and then Val asked Paul about his day. That remark brought a grin from those 'in the know' as Paul gave a cough and put on a look of pure innocence and then related his and John's plans for their future emphasising her part in the role of interior decorator.

Val's laugh of delight was interrupted by the hotel phone ringing which brought the tension back into the room. Mandy went across and picked it up and listened for a short moment then said quickly. "Robert, we know John's brother has died … … John held him … … his heart went out of rhythm, we have corrected it and he's now asleep. Everyone including Paul and Val are here, they had trouble with both firms and are homeless … … … I believe Mat's on his way over from Boston with lawyers. I'll put you on the speaker and we can all hear you." She flicked the switch and Robert's voice echoed across their part of the room.

"Thanks Mandy, that explains why I can't raise Mat I need him back here if it's possible. It's not good news I'm afraid … Mr Evans was murdered and I need your advice Jack."

There were gasps from everyone and Meg felt a shiver run down her spine, Jack had voiced the possibility of an accident as they chatted but no one had thought of murder.

Jack look round the group resting on the only 'stranger' Bob's co-worker who had flown with John on the day of the accident and knew there was a need for silence where John was concerned but not why Jack said quietly to him, "We'll explain later" he nodded acceptance and Jack turned his attention back to the phone call and said. "Robert just go through it as it happened starting from Meg ringing you about John."

"Right. Luckily Meg rang on the emergency phone I've ditched that one and this is the first time I've called, Okay"

Jack had the inkling of why guessed it would come out later and said. "Fine, I take it you are on another emergency phone."

"Yes I was going to ring Meg to transfer numbers; it was starting to give me trouble … back to what I've done. … I rang Sue just now and told her I'm staying here for a few days, they will no doubt check it along with everything else I've done or doing, then I made this call.

Back to the beginning, as soon as I finished Meg's call I used the office phone and rang Ben's cell phone because I knew he always kept it on and with him but got no nothing. So rang The Gallery and got Annie apparently Maria and Tess left her in charge … Maria was out with Ricardo and Tess left early saying something about Tim. She was in charge of both places and said Ben was at home with Sammy. I decided to ring Ocean Drive and got the answer phone … left a message that I needed to confirm a business transaction within the next half hour told him not to leave as I would be round. Time wise regarding calls possibly five minutes then I left Mandy in charge of the office."

Jack cut in gently. "Real transaction."

"Yes and I've rung them back to withdraw our offer because of his death, I think the police are likely to follow it up."

"Because of the answer machine call?" Jack asked knowing what was coming but needed clarification.

"Yes and the fact I was the first civilian apart from Maria on the scene. Got no motive but if they start digging … well you know how things surface and can look different after the fact. Back to the car journey, it took me a while to get to Ocean Drive because of ordinary traffic and the police cars buzzing around … I followed the Coroner Car actually not a nice feeling once I twigged where it was going."

Robert paused for a moment to stop himself emotionally dropping back into what had happened and then carried on keeping a matter fact tone. "I parked up the road from the house and got out the car, police were putting yellow tape across the road and starting house to house questions Jude's car was already there along with other officers. One stopped me and Jude came up the drive to see why I was there, Ricardo came and joined us. He was deeply shocked as you can imagine. I explained why I was there and asked what had happened. Jude explained that Ben had been shot in the heart … death within seconds possibly a minute … though they have not pinned down the time yet. I'm sorry about using Ben's name Meg but I need to keep thinking that way."

Meg said shakily. "That's all right Robert thank you for looking."

Robert carried on. "Jude did not mind telling me all this so that could be a good sign. They don't know about motive, as nothing in the house appears to have been disturbed or taken and Sammy was in her cot. Hopefully she slept through the whole thing. Apparently Ben did not show any signs of flight or fight and there were no reports of a shot being fired in that area so a silencer must have been used.

Apparently Maria was with Ricardo at Carmen's when Tess rang asking if they knew where Tim and Abby were. Tess could not get in, misplaced her key but also a worry that Tim might have changed locks on her. Something about an argument between them that morning. She had tried the Shock Wave and was told he was not expected till tomorrow so she tried his cell phone and got nothing he usually has it on when out and about. Then she thought about Tim meeting Ben and thought of contacting Maria for support, they decided to meet up at Ocean Drive. Maria and Ricardo left immediately and when they got there found Ben's body in the lounge area the glass doors out to the decking slightly opened. Tess got there a few minutes later. Ricardo called it in immediately while Maria went to look for and after Sammy. Ricardo did his best to stop possible witnesses leaving the beach leaving Tess to get Maria and Sammy outside and consol them."

Robert paused for a moment, Jack said gently. "Go on in your own time."

"The lack of disturbance brings a possibility that Tim and Abby might have walked in on something so they are being looked for. Some roughnecks were at The Deep when Ben was on duty day before yesterday and did not like being thrown out so Jude is checking all possibilities. Ricardo will be looking after the family rather than the case but no doubt will have some hand in it. Not too sure where Antonio is … they think he's gone on a closed retreat … seems to have been a bit of a rush as he was due to take a service in a couple of days.

Meg I'm sorry I can't talk to your parents yet I've got to wait till it is on the news, but I will reassure them that you have been told. Jude asked me to contact you that's why I can make this call. Jack have I covered everything."

Thinking it over Jack said slowly "Yes, and I understand your fears but as you say your transaction and reason for calling are real, the emergency phone to here is the first one you've made from it. Give us the number just in case we need it, you've always had the hotel number just not used it so that should cover you're using now say Meg's phone was off and you needed immediate contact with someone not an answer machine if they ask. You were quite happy giving them the information so I think they will only check if they run out of other possibilities. I'm assuming there was no one in the office when Meg originally rang you."

"No Mandy was in the other office at the time and would not have heard it, I've sent her home early she knows about the death but can be trusted to keep quiet. But to he honest the news must be round already with the police cars and everything outside his house."

"Yes, that was just formality really and the fact Jude is talking to you is good. How long have you thought about this deal with Ben? Past records available?"

Robert gave a short laugh. "Actually the deal was going to be with Mat that's why I've been trying to get hold of him then I decided to use it as an excuse for contacting Ben. After all we are business men who meet every so often but not drinking buddies, my ringing after him on just the off chance could have sounded weird."

Jack pondered for a moment then said. "That's okay, keep to the truth that your first thought was out of touch and you decided to try Ben as he is like minded and finically sound. Mat's flying in to see Paul in a while so I'll explain everything to him and I expect he will call in on you. Might be useful to have him around as back up or sounding board, just in case medical records show Mr Evans is Derek, of course that will depend on two things whether Tyus put it in Ben's records and if they check them and Derek's eyes. They've no reason to doubt Derek died falling off that cliff and I can't see why they should check them as they know what killed Ben. What do you think about time of death?"

"I doubt if they can pin point it to the exact second I mean the warmth of his body will tell them it was this afternoon I guess we will have to wait till they do the tests. I was wondering if my phone call might have scared the killer of and that was why nothing or child was taken."

Jack let out his breath, knowing what that kind of thinking could lead Robert to and said. "Possibly but don't dwell on it. Okay you lie low, act as a friend and let the answers come to you rather than push the officers or family. We'll just have to hope that Tim and Abby have just gone off for the rest of the day."

Robert sighed. "Oh I nearly forgot. Meg. There's a video sent by next day delivery so you should get it in the morning … it's a family one, last bit was taken yesterday. It's of Sammy and Ben, she's toddling and laughing on the beach but it does show people nearby perhaps I should have it back in case people can be recognised as paying them too much attention."

Meg felt tears come and nothing came when she tried to speak so Jack said "We'll keep it here for now Robert if there is a description of a suspect then we can have a look see if anyone is around. Thanks for the warning though we'll make sure someone is around when John watches it."

"Fine. You know Jack in spite of what he's done it should not have happened like this."

Jack said gently. "You were starting to like the lad."

Robert gave a gentle laugh. "Yes he was doing well. Talk to you in the morning and tell John I'm sorry for his loss."

"I will, let's have that number."

Robert gave the number and then rung off and everyone was left to their own thoughts, the only sound was the heart monitor at a steady rate and then a rustle as Shep stretched and jumped down and ran over to Meg giving a little bark before bounced back to the bed and sitting waiting expectantly.

Meg looked across at Bob who nodded; they both got up and walked across to the bed. Bob checking the monitor and Meg sat on the edge of the bed and gently brushed her hand against John's face as she called his name. "John"

He stirred and slowly opened his eyes.

Meg said gently "Hi sleepyhead feeling better."

"Yes thank you" Meg noticed his manner and eyes change as he gradually remembered, and then the sadness in his voice as he said while watching Bob finishing his checks. "He's dead isn't he?"

Meg said softly. "Yes … I'm sorry."

John shifted so he could sit up leaning against the extra pillow Bob slipped in behind him and held her hand as he said softly. "I suddenly found myself in Ocean Drive with my brother collapsing; I caught him and held him as he died. I could feel his regret and fear for his children but not why."

Jack came by the bed and said gently knowing he needed the truth. "Your brother was shot in the heart at Ocean Drive, he would have died if not instantly then within a minute must have felt the shock but very little pain."

John looked at Jack shocked and whispered. "Maria?"

Jack reassured him gently. "She and Ricardo found him, Samantha and Benjy are safe."

John sighed and closed his eyes for a moment then looked at Bob then Mandy "Can I move around?"

Bob nodded and Mandy smiled saying "Yes but we'd rather you stay in the wheelchair for rest of the evening and move around slowly tomorrow as we sort things out."

Bob added gently but insistently. "You need to be monitored for 24 hours so I'll attach you to a portable box it will only make a noise if there is a drastic change. The printout will be on the machine by the bed. I'll give you something tonight if you need it."

John nodded the said softly "Thank you for coming" then with a sigh carried on, "I need the bathroom and food."

Simon came over to help John and the group drifted over to lounge area making sure there was food available for him when he came back. Meg watched anxiously as he came out the bathroom, she could see the sadness written all over him knowing that Simon would have filled in all the details.

As Simon wheeled him in beside her John gave her a sad smile and said gently. "Sorry for the scare."

She looked at him realising it was said for everyone else benefit as well as her own and there were the signs of the shield he wore when she first knew him in Sunset Beach. The face that said 'life goes on I'm not really hurting' and she wondered if he was feeling guilty because he was hurting at the loss of his brother. She took his hand and said gently knowing she spoke for the others as well, hoping he would understand he did not need to hide his pain from them. "It's okay now you're awake and back with us. We are all sorry for your loss John and understand the pain you are in."

He sighed nodded and accepted the cup of tea and plate of food then slowly began to eat, she knew he did not taste any of it or really know what he was doing it was something his body told him he needed. Her own feelings were so mixed now they knew the truth, his must be worse so she sat silently beside him she feeling their son settle as well.

A few moments later Jackie came over from the kitchen area and interrupted her thoughts. "Meg, you've got email from Sara."

She felt a rush of nerves and started to move John's soft but firm "I'll come with you." made her pause, she looked at him then decided not to stop him she knew that tone in spite of the sadness it held and so did Simon because he was already moving to make sure John could be moved without spilling any food or drink.

They settled round the dining table and Meg smiled sadly as she read the subject matter of the mail.

**Bad news but not family – John needs to be with you.**

As she opened the mail she realised the others had kept away giving them privacy, she would let them read it later they needed to know as well. Her emotions did a flutter and she hoped that John would not be too hurt by her family's pain.

**Sis**

**I hope Robert has managed to tell you and you are with John, I'm sure he will give you a shoulder to cry on. I could not trust myself to actually tell you on the phone having just heard.**

**Though there were rumours that something bad had happened at Ocean Drive … we know better than to trust rumours. … But now our fears have been confirmed on the news.**

**I'm sorry Meg if you don't know.**

**Ben's dead he was shot this afternoon at Ocean Drive, the rest of his family are safe and were not involved.**

**I still cannot believe it.**

**I thought by writing I would not ramble or cry but thoughts are flying perhaps if I gave you the details it would help. Who the hell am I kidding?**

**The news says nothing was taken or disturbed; it was one shot to the heart no other injuries. … So what does that mean he just stood and took it? … Sorry.**

**Sammy was in her cot upstairs they think she must have been asleep … I hope she was … that points to a silencer being used … no one else on the beach seems to have heard it either. … They are appealing for people who were on that part of beach to come forward. … It was such a beautiful day … **

**Meg I cannot stop thinking about Sammy's loss that she will never remember him … they were so good together. **

**I saw them yesterday on the beach only a few people around and he was playing with her and she was calling 'dada' then with a giggle she let go of the box she was holding onto for support and with wobbly toddle toddled towards him falling into his waiting arms hands. … Her giggle infectious and his was pure happiness as they carried on playing. **

**I've never heard that giggle before certainly not when Maria or the others were around perhaps it was just when they were together, … or could it be just me and my memories at the moment … I stayed in the shadows not wanting to interrupt that very special moment … they were so happy together. I had to move on because of the twins.**

**Does happiness last Sis? **

**They are following up the idea that the drunks who were thrown out of The Deep last time Ben was on duty might be involved they were heard making threats. They gave descriptions and pictures taken off cameras at the club so hopefully they will be found soon. **

**How Ben was found … Maria and Ricardo found him that must have been awful.**

**They had been round Carmen's … guess Maria was trying to get Ricardo and Carmen to see sense … some hope … Tess rang worried that she could not raise Tim and Abby needed them back home, lost the key or something about argument so needed company if he was round Ben's. … Safety in numbers perhaps … It's known that neither men switch their phones off when with the children, Ricardo could not raise Ben so they decided to meet immediately back at Ocean Drive. **

**They found him in the lounge area … Maria found Sammy upstairs in the cot … Ricardo called it in and tried to stop people leaving the beach Tess arrived couple o minutes later … **

**They must have thought of kidnapping till they found Sammy then kidnapping or robbery gone wrong. Thank goodness she was safe.**

**There is a call out for Tim and Abby to get in touch; they were seen on the beach walking in that direction … it was not uncommon for the four of them to join up if they met on the beach. **

**Hopefully Tim has just called in then decided to take Abby out for the day, no doubt they will be pulled over and given the bad news … anything else would be too much to think about.**

**Everyone is in shock. They showed pictures of The Deep closed with a sign outside and the house cordoned off. That was creepy. **

**I've only had two words with Mum and Dad then the bell went at their house but they are in deep shock through the bond with Benjy and Sammy … think it's the fact Sammy was in the house and he loves ... loved his children so much. Will talk with them later no doubt.**

**No I have not forgotten Maria either but that is adult love and something very different. Knowing how I feel about Casey I can't even start to understand how Maria will be feeling especially as she lost Ben once before and now this ... **

**Oh Meg … Benjy will be in such a state over this … he's so young to go through it all again.**

**Casey is in shock even though the friendship was not so close as it used to be … the gang of friends are coming round in a while so I must go. **

**Memories good and bad will be talked about … where Ben is … was concerned are always joined. **

**As for you as you read this … you must be in turmoil even though you have moved on to another love ... Yours with Ben was something special for the time it lasted. **

**Remember I love you sis! … We all do … would give you hugs if we could.**

**Sorry got to go babies are crying and I need to hug them.**

**Love and tears**

**Sara.**

**Will give you update as soon as possible.**

Meg wiped the tears away feeling his hands on her shoulders and she looked round to see his tears and pain. She moved around so they could come together in an awkward hug, because he stayed in his chair and she with her baby bump. But she felt the warmth of his love and hoped he could feel hers, she felt him break away with a gentle kiss on her cheek then a quiet. "I need to move and you need to answer it … tell her she can ring you on your cell phone. I'll make sure I'm quiet at the time."

She smiled at his concern for her and her family and knew he was hiding his own pain in it and said softly. "Okay, thank you."

She turned back to the machine and began a reply.

**Sis**

**Robert told me the bad news - my mind is spinning and shed some tears - John is with me thank goodness.**

**Your mail helped me feel that you and others are close, memories with friends sound good, if they are still around give them my love – guess they know it's always there especially now. **

**Give Casey a hug for me and tell him to remember the good times there were so many. **

**You've got my cell phone in case of dire emergencies well you or Dad can use it if needs be otherwise use email. **

**We are not alone as Jack and Mandy are with us - they send sympathy.**

**Love you **

**Meg**

She sent it with a gentle sigh wishing she could tell them the truth but knowing it would do little good at the moment.

She then walked beside John as Simon pushed him back to the others in the lounge area she looked at Jack and gave a nod of permission to read the mail and said "It's the same as Robert told us but Tim and Abbey are still missing do you want any more food John?"

"No thank you. I expect Tim's been found by now Meg. Jack I think we should let things lie they've got enough to contend with." John's voice was calm and steady

Meg looked at him thinking over his words and suddenly realised what he was referring to as Jack nodded his understanding, she said softly but with feeling. "You promised!"

John turned to her and she saw deep sadness in his eyes and felt the tenderness of his touch as he said gently "I know I said he would be buried as Derek … but think of the children Meg Samantha will never remember him but Benjy knows him as a loving father … the truth will only bring heartbreak and possibly break the family up even further … Maria kept the secret not only because she loved Derek but also to give the children a safe and loving home.

In the end he provided that and would have carried on doing so, he is dead nothing can undo that. The only thing that would come out is my existence is pain. Perhaps we will tell them the truth sometime in the future away from the glare of the press but at the moment let it be buried with Derek. I can live without my fortune and my name because I have you and my family here … hopefully your family will understand and forgive me."

She looked at him and began to understand just how much he still loved his wayward brother and family and knew she would have to give him his wish and nodded 'yes' just as Jack said gently "If Maria is involved in some way."

With hardly a blink John looked at Jack and answered. "If she is involved then you will have to go and see justice is done with or without me being revealed. I'm sure he's provided for the children so his wishes should be carried out and Gabi and Ricardo helped if they are to give them a loving home. Some or all of the fortune can be scattered in Sunset Beach."

Meg felt a shiver run down her spine at the tone of John's voice and the lack of hesitation then remembered his whispered word of "Maria" to Jack earlier and realised it was a question of involvement as well as health which meant it had been on his mind since when?

She was going to ask him when he looked at her with such gentleness and said. "When money is involved anything is possible, a single shot to the heart with no other disturbance could mean a hit man leaving her to play the grieving widow and Ricardo is the ideal witness that she was not involved. But it could also be yobs out to get revenge they would not want to leave traces or have a child on their hands, remember the drunk who knocked me out at the Deep."

Meg nodded and said gently "I want to go to his funeral either way."

He gave a sigh, which she recognised as grudging acceptance though he words still left the door open. "Only if the doctors can assure me you and our child are safe, we'll have a few days to think about that no doubt."

She could not fault that so smiled and nodded.

Jack said gently as he got up to leave the group. "I think you should rest and mourn for your brother in spite of his faults you loved him John." He put his hand on John's shoulder as he carried on. "Paul and I will go and see Mat we'll try not to be too late and I'll see you in the morning with everyone else, I expect Robert or the press will have more news."

John nodded acceptance, Mandy followed her husband's lead but instead of a hand on his shoulder she gave him a gentle mother's kiss on the forehead and a grasp of hands and got a slight smile back, which pleased her.

Val and Paul picked up the half empty cups and plates and followed them away from the area with Val confirming she was going with Paul later. Bob's co-worker went out the check over the helicopter, which would stay over night in the paddock, and Bob making his own quiet point by checking the machine, tidying things away then called out he was the other side of the door if needed.

Which left them with their two 'hawks' who knew what to do and with practised ease the four of them past the rest of the evening in quiet but not morbid sadness, chatting over memories and bringing up the forgotten scan and promised birth dates and then they walked Shep before retiring for the night.

With a quiet "I love you" Meg and John lay together trying to let their emotions run down and as she felt his breath gradually steady into sleep, then her own mind slowed down into sleep and a shadow of a thought rose and then disappeared back where it came from - that their son might yet have the name they both liked and kept turning back to but could not use.


	52. Chapter 52

**Chapter 52 **

Meg woke from a deep sleep and reluctantly resisted the temptation of kissing John on the cheek as he slept. He looked so peaceful and free from the sadness she knew would return as soon as he woke. Instead she very carefully slipped out of bed and put on her robe, found her clothes for the day deciding she would use the bathroom upstairs to have a quick shower just in case he woke before she finished and needed the bathroom.

As she reached the bottom of the stairs she saw Val already dressed starting to come down, so she waited till they were close enough to talk quietly and asked. "How did things go?" Knowing they'd crept in almost silently with the signed promise of talk in the morning.

Val's smile was all cheekiness implying other thoughts, which made Meg smile and give a slight shake of her head.

Val gave a teasing sigh of disappointment and answered her real question. "Mat sends love and sympathy and when things finished went on to Sunset Beach will check in with Robert this morning, thought the lad needed his beauty sleep. Yeah that made Paul laugh, the investigation will go ahead and the lawyers reckon they can get Paul's name cleared. Mat and the lawyers talked to employees and they decided to leave on mass. But they won't be out of work Mat has putting them on the net system, which means they are working from home so they are firing off lots of emails explaining what's happening including Mat's number. They are hoping clients will stay otherwise they will send the information back to them by secure mail."

Val stopped and took a deep breath while checking she had got it right then carried on. "Paul and staff stayed silent but Mat and lawyers marched in with proof of ownership regarding computers, disks and files which the new people couldn't dispute. Well they did but they didn't win. You know it was a bit like my firm only Paul was doing it. In a funny sort of way it was fun seeing the baddies faced with mass resignation and the workers and lawyers with Mat of course walking out with the equipment etc tucked under their arms so as to speak."

She gave a gentle sigh "Still heartbreaking though. Mind you they are left with a defunct company's name, with no clients and certainly no good will. Empty offices a part from tables and chairs, bills to pay including a full lease as it came up yesterday and there's a notice clause in it. They just chucked Paul out so he couldn't do anything about it and they can't come back as he's got no money it's frozen so they will have to pay up in full.

She gave a smile and a slight laugh as she carried on. "Mat pulled a face when Paul mentioned about the club and his plans muttered scrooge like about having to count the dollars."

Meg gave a gentle laugh knowing Mat would not miss the cost or begrudge it then asked. "Did they know Mat's big guns?"

Val gave a dark chuckle "No but they will do. Before he went Mat told them to go play and see if they can track it back to the nephew and if any other laws were broken throw the book at them. They'll not know what's hit them by the end."

"At least Mat can afford it."

"Yes, he also said it would be good training for them. They smiled at that and they are not afraid of the government boys either, if they think it's a set up both lots will be gunning for them, which made Paul feel better." She gave a heartfelt sigh. "Mind you it does bug him all the restrictions they've put on him regarding money and passport. So if you'll have us we will stay here for a while and wash up for our keep."

Meg smiled they both knew about the dishwasher and confirmed. "You're welcome to stay you know that."

Val smiled adding with a gentle tease. "I know, thought I'd give you the opportunity to kick us out especially considering what's happened." She glanced back up the stairs then back to Meg saying. "Paul will be down in a moment, want a cuppa before the rest arrive I'm assuming everyone will be round."

Meg smiled liking the idea, "Umm please. I thought I'd shower upstairs. The gang come bringing food with them so just grab cereal if you want anything now. It's usually cinnamon and other fruit toasts and pancakes with any other goodies the restaurant throws at them as they pass. Hopefully John will sleep on he was restless during the night."

Remembering yesterday morning when it was just the four of them in the garden Val said with feeling. "Umm I'll fight you for the cinnamon fruit toast … how's he doing?"

Meg smiled but said seriously, "Covering up the real loss says he will not mourn properly till the killer is found."

Val looked at her with a gentle smile and said. "Means he'll be Ben again."

Meg shook her head. "Not necessarily depends on how much of the truth comes out. He does not want the children hurt and neither do I. See you in a while, be warned I'm not the only who fights for the toast, always assuming Jackie does not swipe it all before it gets here that is!"

Val gave a chuckle and continued into the apartment.

Meg went upstairs smiled and waved at Paul who was looking out the window at the view and silently reminded herself to check the mail to see if Sara had any news on Tim and Abby as soon as possible so it was going to be a very quick shower.

oxoxo

By the amount of chatter Meg could hear from Paul and Val as she came down the stairs after her shower she knew John must be awake. Looking across to the sleeping area she saw him sitting on the edge of the bed fully dressed talking to Bob.

Continuing walking she smiled and called out. "Hey, I went upstairs so you could sleep in a bit longer."

John snorted. "No such luck, Doc here came barging in claiming he needed to check his machine and now says I can walk around … slowly."

Meg laughed because John mimicking slow movements with his arms and legs as he said the word.

Bob gave a sigh of disgust and raised his eyebrows and exclaimed "Hey, you were out of bed when I came in young man!" John looked at her to say 'as if' as Bob carried on, "That was in spite of your promise last night to wait so I could check you over."

John got off the bed still going slowly and gently exclaimed, "Hey, I rang you, twice … Simon comes on the first ring! I was in the chair I needed **to** go … and only Shep is allowed **accidents** which he never has I might add."

Bob huffed. "But I **needed** a read out to make sure all was well before you moved. And **you** need to take care."

Meg could not help smiling along with the rest because Bob was trying so hard not to laugh so as to get the serious point across to his patient. But in spite of it all she could see deep sadness in John's eyes and wondered if hers showed similar sadness and they both needed normality to hide behind at the moment…

Her thoughts were stopped by the hotel phone ringing.

As Val was the nearest to the extension in the kitchen area she answered it, John gave up any pretence and started to make his way over to it. They knew it would be Robert all other calls were being held by the switchboard as normal.

Bob came over to Meg and said quietly that everything was all right and the monitor would stay on for the rest of the day, Paul also stayed quiet and waited and they all felt the tension rise.

Val nodded as she listened then said to John. "It's Robert for you, he's seen Mat." She handed him the phone then said quietly to Meg. "I noticed a mail from Sara. I'll put your cups of tea on the table the others should be here soon."

The laptop had been left on to receive mail over night and with an anxious mind she went over and opened the mail.

**Hi Sis**

**After a restless night there is more news. None good. **

**I don't want to be here anymore!**

**But first I know you will be wondering about Bette because she was close to Ben, Mum and Dad went round yesterday evening and called this morning to say Bette and Annie are distraught but with Jude and AJ around will be okay, perhaps the fact Jude is on the case is helping them.**

**Our own get together was good but painful we're going to do it again this evening I think it's comfort in numbers and yes the kids came too and Gabi but no Ricardo he's looking after Maria etc. he is being allowed to help on the case – to be honest don't anything would stop him so it's just as well it's official.**

**The yobs came forward all had alibis.**

**Instead the police have arrested Tim for murder, robbery and the kidnapping of Abby. **

**I cannot believe it!**

**They put his picture on the news last night but that was as a possible victim. By the time they found him at a motel room he was a criminal!**

**Must have scared the life out of Abby, possibly Tim as well considering.**

**Yeah it was on the news … they went in with a SWAT team … went in with the lot … broke the door down.**

**Tim says he was only doing what Ben asked him to do and he gave him the money.**

**Why would Ben do that? **

**Someone started a rumour that Derek killed Ben, but Casey and Ricardo squashed that idea as they saw him fall down the cliff. **

**So that history is flying around and of course Tim's part in it does not help. … Don't they know he's moved on from there?**

**Don't know where else they are going to look … if at all…. I suppose they must have hard evidence against Tim … they can't arrest on hearsay can they?**

**I suspect Vanessa will be on the story so at least we can believe her write up. **

**Abby is with Tess … who has gone into hiding might even leave or left SB according to Gabi via Ricardo … I never did like that woman … she is not standing by Tim or providing a lawyer … she has the money. I thought in marriage you share apparently not in that one. There is a strong hint (most likely coming from her) that Tim quietly resented the way Abby was conceived and he was so angry with Ben and that her he stole the money and Abby. **

**Excuse me … But Abby and Tim are good together he's the one who altered things so they could be together while she's been spending more time at the Gallery or with Maria.**

**Sorry … you don't need my mixed up feelings at the moment.**

**As for the time of death … they have a window of an hour before he was found and very unlikely that it was within minutes before being found. …They reckon about ten minutes to quarter of an hour. If that makes sense to you … difficult pinning it down because it was a small bullet, no exit wound … as he died quickly there was little blood. That sounds awful.**

**I guess what they are saying is Maria and Ricardo did not miss the killer by minutes so could not have stopped it or have apprehended the person. I wonder if that really helps them because it means that Sammy was alone for at least a quarter of an hour or an hour at most.**

**They have not said what time Tim was there so I guess it must have been close or during that time. He admits to being there and talking to Ben that's how he came to be at the motel etc. **

**I'm going on what's going round … not from Tim directly, he's in jail … statements to the press etc. unfortunately someone says they heard raised voices coming from just inside the decking area of Ocean Drive and seeing Abby's pushchair there … I suppose that must be within the time frame. … But can you honestly say you know what time is when you are sunning yourself on the beach? I know I used to lose time. **

**Tim loves Abby and would never take her near danger and the last time I saw he got on with Ben. Of course, as people are bringing up the past no doubt they will forget the recent months and friendship they developed. **

**Tim had the Shock Wave, we found a partner to join him. So why Meg … why?**

**If I remember rightly Tim was not the best shot … perhaps that was it … it was an accident he shot to miss and hit. … Oh I don't know anymore.**

**Dad can't get his head round it either … they were going to finalise everything today. The partner is a friend of Dad's … goodness knows what's going to happen now. Dad would fund a lawyer but cannot afford too, he is talking about staying behind to look after Tim. You know what courts are like it will take months to sort this out.**

**I don't know if this will affect the sale of Sunset Sisters we did think we had a buyer from out of town seeing him later today … doubt if he will want to come now.**

**The Deep is staying shut and lots of flowers are being left outside the house though no one is there as Maria and kids are at Carman's. I know I didn't like Maria much but to go through this … can't even begin to think of the pain Benjy must be in. **

**Love you deeply**

**Sara**

Meg looked across at John as she heard him say, "Yes for Tim. …Charles can't represent him … he'll need someone who knows the law backwards and make sure they look at all the possibilities including Tim being set up... … Not sure at the moment I need to know what else is happening... … Yes I'll be around. … … Oh perhaps you should think about tracing Dr Tyus Robinson he can identify the fact it's Derek not me and find out when Antonio decided to go on this retreat, goodness knows how you do that without raising suspicions though ... ... Yes that might be the better way round. … … Most probably see you later if you are successful the Lodge is empty so there be room. … … Yes missing him, strange as that might seem. … ... Thank you."

She watched him as he put the phone down expecting him to turn and talk instead he stayed still and silent looking down at the phone in it's rest, her mind caught up with what she had over heard and called out gently. "I have Tyus's address and number shall I'll ring them through on the emergency phone for you?" getting no reaction she added. "Did Robert tell you any more about Tim's arrest?"

She was surprised by the quiet sad. "Yes please … tell you in a moment." and knew better than to push him so got the information and rang it through to Robert, who to her surprise accepted it then rang off with just a polite 'thanks take care'.

As she watched John slowly walk round the kitchen area to her a shiver went down her spine and she got up to go to give him a hug knowing her hug was not going to even start to heal the hurt he was obviously feeling and wondering what had caused it.

At that moment both apartment doors opening with Mandy and Jack coming from the outside while Jackie and Simon walked in from their apartment carrying some trays of food.

Jackie's call of "In the garden" was met by a short sharp command from John "We'll eat here!"

Meg stopped going over to John and went to Mandy who was close enough to give her a hug with reassuring words. The others stopped what they were doing and stayed silent knowing that something was very very wrong had happened to affect John like that.

It took Jack a split second to take it in and then he went straight over to John and without embarrassment pulled him into a hug with quiet words no one else heard. Only after being released and while being gently guided over to the dining table did they hear John's very gentle sad words "They were running Jack. They were running."

Jack pushed John into a seat and gave him the cup of tea with a gentle order to drink, John drank and then not realising he spoke still in the dazed sad voice explained. "By this morning they all would have vanished without a trace instead he died."

Jack sat beside him and said gently "John what do you mean." Though he did not expect an answer straight away knowing John needed time. The others also realised it and quietly sat down, the email was on the screen and easy to read. Meg like the others found the smell of the food irresistible and started to eat, pushing some of the fruity cinnamon toast over to John hoping he would eat as he thought or talked.

It worked John nibbled as he read the mail then looked back at Jack as if he had just asked his question and said. "Robert has been cleared and Jude took him into his confidence said Meg would need to know the whole story. He told him, Tim used an assumed name at the motel, back at Ocean Drive they found the gun under one of the chairs in the lounge and though it's got smudged fingerprints one was clear enough to match it with Tim's. I think Meg and I know Tim is not a cool cold hearted killer … if he had been I would have been dead long ago."

Meg gave a gentle but shocked exclamation. "John!" and realised he was right and carried on to explain. "Sara's right Tim could use a gun but Dad rarely shot with him as he usually missed, something about closing his eyes as he shot or before he shot, anyway he was not safe. Dad did and was a crack shot. Umm should not say that under the circumstances. What about the money he was meant to have stolen?"

John nodded and carried on. "He had a million dollars in cash and a million in special shares made out in Abby's name, interest could build up an account for her future use. Even Tim would know the shares were a liability."

Jack mouthed "Why?" so John would explain to the others, given the prod he did. "Because they could be traced when cashed in or when interest was paid into a receiving account the amount would not just turnover into shares. That is of course if there was any record of the transaction left behind, which I doubt so that would mean they could be used for Abby's future, the cash was for Tim to set up a new home without questions being asked.

The assumed name, that was so no one would know where to start looking, the name could have been discarded at the next stage, the car might have been dumped else where in town he knew it could be traced but that would not tell anyone how they travelled on."

He kept his gaze on Jack and his tone even. "Tim must be deeply shocked not knowing who his friends are or who he can trust to not only believe but keep totally silent, after all word spreads and Ricardo is a police officer and on the case."

Jack couldn't help his intake of breath at the implication and exclaimed as he let this breath go "No John!"

Knowing history John looked at Jack sadly and said. "It does happen occasionally and Ricardo can be one track minded, he was about the drowning and Tim has a history regarding Ben. Whether by design or coincidence he's become a scapegoat and that kind of mud sticks no matter how much you try to clear it off."

Still feeling that iciness inside him he paused and glanced away from Jack and as no one spoke he went, very deliberately so they would really understand he meant it, it was not just a fancy thought. "I believe that my brother and children would have met him at the motel in a car not registered to him. His own would be in a garage or long term car park and they would have gone overnight either to another State or into Canada. Derek knew how to get new papers, then they could use it as a new base or a jumping off point for a new life. I've asked Robert to contact Tyus and bring him here so Jack can go to Sunset Beach and explain its Derek not me, getting the children to safety first of course."

Jack said slowly reading between the lines and the sadness in John's voice. "Are you saying a hit man did the shooting on Maria's behalf?"

He nodded and Meg gasped, "No." over Jacks quiet, "That's a big jump from Tim running to both running John."

His glance took in both of them as he gave sad slow smile and explained facts no one could know. "The history of the group Meg, along with the fact the plan used was the one I gave my brother when he drugged me. … And yes it could be a horrible coincidence but there is the question of why was Tim and Abby were there … he would not have thought it out by himself or chosen that motel, you know what he was like."

Meg nodded and Mandy said gently. "I know your feelings about Maria and Tess. Walk us through it. As far as we know both families showed love and togetherness."

John gave a sigh and not wanting to see their faces as he talked he glanced down at the table and rested his hand near his plate and started to walk them through his thoughts, "I don't know why but perhaps cracks appeared now they realised it was for life and Tim found out that Tess wanted him out the way. He went to Ben for help wanting to take Abby with him because he loved her too much to leave behind. Ben believed him and used my scheme, gave them set up money and the shooting was as you say a coincidence … bad timing. If the shooting hadn't happened then this morning it would have been just Tim and Abby missing and Derek would still be Ben with Maria and family, and he would be covering Tim's tacks and Maria would consoling a distort Tess.

But Tim said 'Ben was going to meet him later and Ben had told him to do it.' Derek obviously told him enough to put him on his guard with the promise of the truth later, but I don't believe he would admit to being Derek, because of their history." He realised not everyone knew the history and explained. "Derek killed some friends; Tim could id him so Derek tried to kill him and put him in coma. I think that bit of history would've stay buried.

He gave half a smile and a quick look at Meg before bringing it back to a point on the table and carried on. "As for Maria's motive … Meg gave Derek a headache when he gave her a offer he thought she could not refuse … Maria on the other hand took up his offer and had his children even helped set things up while in Seattle. Derek called her his soulmate, I thought it was to get back at me and tried to warn him, but he believed she was his soulmate."

He shook his head to blow away memories and gather thoughts then said. "When he died I felt he was scared for the children. What if she had got tired of loving a murderer, the blame game made them about even so you might say they could live apart but with him alive there would always be a shadow hanging over her. But if he died the children would grow up under a new family free from taint but would always be a reminder of what had been.

Having him killed would mean she would be the blameless widow all secrets hidden forever all the money would be hers … no doubt Tess would be paid off. With the bonus of Tim as a scapegoat people will stop looking for the real murder also Tess can get a divorce and start again. If Tess has any sense it will be as far a way from Maria as she can, maybe she's done that already hence the hiding and she'll only come out if the police need her to and who would blame her press would be at her heels for a story."

He drank the last of his cold tea and carried on with a sigh. "Whatever Derek sensed Tim now has the burden of proof before action and because Tess is Abby's birth mother with all the rights that entails, all half stories are going to be turned against him. If Maria is involved she's got money and public opinion behind her as well as a very good lawyer and a brother who will want a version of the truth."

He glanced at Jack. "Don't get me wrong Ricardo's not a bad cop just might be misled by his love for a sister he once lost and found again and is now suffering a huge loss.

Jack nodded his understanding and let John continue, knowing this was difficult for him. "So Tim stays silent hoping the truth will somehow come out, which it might happen because Derek is … was a collector of trophies and needed to have a hold on people under him.

In Seattle he bragged about a watch that kept going between him and Tess, it is a hold over her or a promise to her don't know which. He kept the watch Meg gave to me, as well as my wedding ring so he would feel us close to him. I always wondered what story he spun if asked about them perhaps no one asked a ring is a ring after all. He told me he didn't need them for Maria as their love was enough. But to be honest I doubt that perhaps he slipped up and Maria found them and made her move and now know she is safe because she got rid of him and them. Of course if she didn't find or know about them they might turn up now."

Meg watched John shake his head to bring his thoughts back, she knew no one would speak they were too busy trying to get their heads round his thinking as she was, his gentle still very sad voice brought her back. "Assuming it was all Derek's idea and not just for Tim's benefit he must have thought the time scale was okay and he could do it as well. Because when you run you always go when there are several hours before you would be missed … as a unit of the whole family or just the one person. No ties to be left behind only taking luggage as if you are going on holiday and then discarding it carefully. You become the new person or people straight away, the money showed there was some planning in it not a rush, though it might have been hours not days.

Perhaps Tim worked in the morning and had the afternoon free, so it would not be unusual for him to be out with Abby till Tess got back from work … say tea time, whatever.

As for Derek, well nothing unusual about going out with Samantha or even picking Benjy up from school might have planned on being a little earlier just to make sure he got him and he was not off with friends for a play before tea. Parents can do that and no one would inform Maria unless she asked later and later would have been too late. She was with Ricardo and Carmen and most probably wouldn't start worrying about their absence till late evening a note on the table from him explaining they would be out most the evening could cover that one. So, nothing unusual to send the flags up … but he could not follow through because Maria had already made her move."

Jack understanding it all said quietly. "That's how you used to try and run from Derek?"

Meg shivered and felt the shock of the others around her as John nodded looked at him and gave a soft, "Yes and they would have worked if I had not been in his unseen footsteps. … I kept an escape account of … used to be eight million" he gave a gentle smile "Won most of it in a draw of some kind so kept it away from the rest, as it lay dormant the interest built up and can be accessed under an assumed name … the one that was used at the motel actually."

There were a couple of gentle understanding sighs but it didn't disturb the flow of his thoughts or words. "The motel will be on the edge of a town, with good road, train, bus and air routes … the police hunted because of the murder and the possibility they were victims of a kidnapping.

It's not a crime to walk out and vanish and if they do look and find you and no crime has been committed they quite often let you stay hidden; just give out a message that you are safe to stop people worrying. Of course children being involved would make it a bit different but if no hardship was shown to the children they would weigh up the two stories and go for the best one.

Derek would have left enough for Maria to be happy with and she could play the wronged wife if she wanted to, even pretend to hunt for the children but never actually find them. You see the blame game again being used to buy her silence and his freedom. …Gossips would be on her side and she would be free to do what she liked without her past coming to light, the same goes for Tim's freedom, Tess could never have close scrutiny from the police with Derek out there. Now though they have Tim to hide behind and blame…"

Knowing it made horrible sense and not wanting John to go deeper into the sadness he obviously was feeling Jack said gently. "Okay so what we need is phone numbers I don't suppose we can get those easily."

Feeling shaky at the way things were progressing Meg asked, "How will they help?"

Paul understood some of it and answered with a sad smile. "The records will show who they have called recently we check them and hopefully they will lead us to the hit man or a friend of a hit man."

Catching their line of thought John looked at Jack and suggested, "I would give you my old computer and accounts numbers so you could check pay outs but that would put up flags, so we will just have to wait and see what happens. I can give you their last known cell phones … I don't suppose they would have changed them. How are you going to get records without rousing questions in Sunset Beach?"

Jack smiled "My FBI friend in protection group can help and he will keep it quiet and off the record if necessary. And I agree about the computer and bank records being to risky. So now it's a case of finishing breakfast."

"And sorting the day out." Jackie said grabbing the last bit of toast and wanting normality.

Paul's phone rang he answered and listened then looked at Jack and said. "The lawyers say the Investigation team need me. Any chances of an office here rather than me travelling I really don't want to go back to the empty office?"

John nodded and butted in before Jack could answer. "Use my office, Jim can clear the desks off and it's big enough for all of you. I guess I'll not be using it for a couple of days." He finished looking at Bob who nodded affirmative; he didn't want anymore strain on John than there was already.

Paul smiled and voiced his thoughts. "Thanks, it will take them an hour to drive up then meet me outside the police station rather than the Store, that should be enough time to make the office safe." then went back to his phone call with Jack saying a couple of words, which they did not hear because Meg said looking at John, "I need a black dress."

John said gently and firmly. "We don't know how long this will take Meg and the baby …"

She knew she needed to do this so cut in with equal gentle firmness. "Will be safe John. We both need this closure. I can travel with Jack and Mandy no doubt Robert will do it and Tyus as well if it needs to be done later today or tomorrow. The part your brother played was as my friend/lover I always denied he was the cause of my leaving, so my returning will not arouse any suspicion the fact the others come with me, they promised Mum and Dad to look after me, we can say we met Tyus at the airport."

John looked at her and she could feel him weighing up the pros and cons then he nodded his agreement and looked over at Mandy and Jack and a flash of new sadness and hurt washed over him and his words tore at her heart. "You should have gone to Sunset Beach in the first place Jack."

Jack moved quickly so he crouched beside John and said gently, "No John."

It was answered in a pleading whisper. "At least he would be alive."

Jack looked at him making eye contact while putting his hand on John's arm and said earnestly. "And you would be dead possibly Meg as well. Don't do this John … In the cabin you were willing to risk your life for Meg when he had her by the throat, and you relinquished your freedom for the young child in Seattle. Derek handed over his freedom to Maria when he came back to Sunset Beach in your place … He did because he loved and trusted her thought she was his soulmate … he was willing to do it … his choice. … Not your fault. … Not your guilt. … You wanted him to live and love he did that; we knew it would end sometime. Love him and mourn him John but don't feel guilty."

Meg felt the rush of love and realisation of just how lucky she was to have a second chance of such a deep love. Jack got up as she went over to John, and put her hand on his shoulder and felt him cover it with his they didn't need words just silent support.

After a moment he looked up at her, their eyes locked in quiet love and understanding then John sighed with a little nod said softly. "Go … I need a walk in the garden and write some letters regardless of who killed Derek especially to Aunt Bette."

Meg nodded and smiled then looked across at Jackie and Val. "Come shopping?"

They both smiled back and nodded but Val added, "If Paul does not need me and I can keep out of Bill's way."

Jack said quickly before Paul could answer. "Actually it might be a good idea if you talk to Bill Val, get your side across I've no doubt that nephew will be spouting all kinds of stories. He can get it out in the other paper if not his own."

"Okay and Paul's story as well." Val asked hopefully.

"Not yet we'll let that come out when they've completed the investigation. Bob, are you going to stay with John?" Jack checked knowing Mandy had a couple of appointments she could not break.

Bob smiled. "Yes, that is if I can prise my co-worker from his luxury room. If I can he'll take the machine back this morning I've warned them I'll be here for a few days." He looked over at John and added. "You, young man are going to take things easy so we'll compromise I'll give you a push out to the garden etc and you can walk about the apartment and sleep for a time this afternoon."

John sighed knowing 'that' smile and tone. "Okay … then you can stop the papers from blowing away. I suppose everyone will be back here for lunch." Nods of yes came so he carried on voicing his thoughts. "If Robert does go off to find Tyus he'll be out of touch of what is happening in Sunset Beach so if you ring your father Meg … he might be able to give us an update and then we'll know how to feed in any information Jack might have found."

"Good thinking I'll see you later." Jack said making his way over to Mandy.

Meg watched the couple; she had heard the relief in Jack's voice that they all felt because John was thinking clearly again not dropped into despair thinking it was his fault not the killers who ever it turned out to be. She felt John start to get up and moved away to give him room and noticed he kept an eye on Bob no doubt half expecting a reprimand but none came only a casual look as if checking everything was okay.

Then she felt him besides her putting his arms around her and with a quiet "thank you" with a gentle kiss on her forehead, she looked up at him for a moment then followed it with a proper kiss before they parted for the morning.


	53. Chapter 53

**Chapter 53**

In spite of the circumstances it had been a good morning shopping and had left Meg feeling proud and happy for John, knowing how much local people were concerned for him having heard the helicopter fly in. And she was sure it would be all right if or when the truth about his … their history came out.

Walking down the path to the sunken garden she couldn't help smiling, John was in his wheelchair with Bob sitting on the bench chatting and enjoying the sunshine. It reminded her of the early days when she used to sit with him and talk.

Bob glanced round and waved with a call "How was it? Any money left?" having been alerted to her presence by Shep, first with his tail wagging furiously and then him doing his usual yoyo run greeting between them till she got close, and was now sat at John's feet panting and that still tail wagging furiously.

Meg wondered if it would wag off one day and laughed at the thought then kissed John before sitting next to him.

Bob automatically shifted up to make room and Meg admitted. "Yes just a bit but not much. I bought a dress and jacket which does not make me look like a balloon!"

"As if you could." John said softly with a gentle laugh and a look to make sure she took it the right way, realising he could be in a hole he could not dig himself out of, and gently laid his hand on her bump to reinforce the right direction of thought.

She smiled at his words, loved the gentleness of his touch and teased him, "Don't disturb him he's sleeping after shopping." John smiled and nodded and moved his hand to hers as she carried on. "Val had a little chat with Bill who sends best wishes by the way; along with everyone else we met and we seemed to meet an awful a lot of people. The general opinion is that it's been too many late nights and we must stop … but no one said what exactly we had to stop."

They both smiled at that and heard Bob's chuckle and eyed him till he smothered it in an 'oh so innocent' look that didn't fool any of them.

Satisfied, she gently huffed. "All the hats either fell off or slipped so I got a black veil which I can clip on to my hair and wear clear of my face so I will not notice it and be able to see where I'm going. We frightened one of the shop assistants when asking for a black dress, she thought it was because of you. But we reassured her it wasn't, explaining it was a friend of mine and I would be going to the funeral in a few days time; she sends her love by the way."

"Poor thing, who was it." John asked with genuine concern.

"Rebecca in Dress Smart, don't know her but she certainly knew you. Unfortunately it was too busy to really chat."

John nodded and said. "Oh, late twenties, streaks of red in blonde shoulder length hair … a little taller than you are." Meg nodded ready to ask but John went on. "Just as well you'd have never got away."

"Umm should I be worried?"

John smiled knowing it was a gentle tease and explained. "No. She's married to Jim's brother-in-law they occasionally meet up in the hardware shop for a free cup of tea and chat."

Meg smiled knowing the word occasionally really meant 'a lot' when said that way then asked. "Good and how have you been?"

John's brightness went a bit as he sighed, "Okay … steadier than earlier … done the letters." He looked out at the view knowing what he needed to do, then looked back at Meg and added. "Though there is something I need to ask before I seal Antonio's."

"Shall I go John?" Bob asked knowing what was going to come.

John turned his attention to him letting him quietly see how he felt as he said gently. "Not unless you want me to walk back."

"Okay, pretend I'm not here." Bob said with a smile and settled down to watch the view but be aware of what might happen.

"John?" Meg asked gently a little bit worried.

John took her hand in his and looked at her, the expression in his eyes was unreadable but his voice had more than a hint of sadness as he began to explain. "The letters I've written will only be needed if the truth comes out about me being alive. If Jack decides it's better I stay dead then it will be assumed by everyone that my ashes are scattered in Canada and Jack is there as your friend. But, he will make sure my brother's wishes concerning the children are adhered to and if Maria is implicated in his death then she will forfeit her right to any of the money by law in any case, and the fortune will be distributed around Sunset Beach. We know we can live on what we make here trying to divert some to me would cause problems.

I don't know what Maria might be doing about his funeral, but if she is implicated I was hoping you would ask Antonio to take the service. Say you think I might have wanted it if I was alive and go along with whatever is in his Will or last wishes if there aren't any then whatever Antonio thinks best. …Is that all right with you?"

Letting her own emotions settle Meg nodded so he could carry on, which he did. "If the letters are given out I've asked Antonio to look after my brother's body and have him cremated. I don't know if that will be done with a service at the Mission or a civil service at the crematorium either way I would like someone there who knows him … us. Antonio has always been a friend to us but I also know it might be difficult for him so it must be his choice, if he can't I'm sure he will know someone who will.

We did wonder about flying Derek's body back here and having a service but because of my past regarding coffins Mandy and Bob don't think it wise and to be honest I don't think I could face seeing him in one. … Of course it will depend on his wishes if he's put them in a Will and what a Judge might say, after all the Will would be signed Ben not Derek. I personally think there might be unease having his body at Sunset Beach but his ashes stored in the Mission might be easier and it would provide a private place for his children to come and be near him."

He hesitated for a moment and sensing he did not want her to say anything Meg nodded her understanding wondering what was coming, especially as his voice was incredibly soft and loving as he started talking again. "If they don't want his ashes there I would like them to rest in the church here, and when I die I wish to be cremated and our ashes scattered at the waterfall. Originally I wanted my ashes to be scattered in the garden but the waterfall has become such a special place to us."

"John" she said gently still trying to take in the idea of his death, it was something so close yesterday and yet so far from her mind now.

He looked at her as explained quickly and softly "We were one in the womb Meg, he came to me as he died and I miss him. I understand if you don't like the idea so you can have it done after your death if you wish. Your choice at the time it happens not now."

She gently put a hand to his face brushing it gently against his cheek stopping him from saying any more and said gently. "No, I'm happy with the idea as long as it's a long way away. We have our family to bring up first, and it will be after I'm dead because I want my ashes scattered with yours. Though I know we will be together no matter when it happens … you coming to me in my dream proved that."

"Thank you." John said softly looking at her and taking in her love.

Meg looked at him then gently rested her head against his shoulder and with their hands resting on each others they both looked through the archway out across the valley. They didn't really see the view they were deep in their own thoughts letting the natural silence surround them.

After a moment Bob's gentle cough brought them back to the present time and they looked at him, he nodded in the direction up the pathway and explained. "Jackie's waving and marching off back to the apartment so I guess lunch must be ready."

"Fine. If you'll do the honours." John said.

Bob smiled his answer and got up to move John.

Meg gently rubbed her back as she moved to get up realising that if Bob had not said anything her son to be would have made his presence felt a moment later.

Shep was already up and bouncing up the path in his usual rounding up manner as if trying to get them to speed up.

oxoxo

As group entered the apartment with Shep in the lead, Val looked up from the kitchen area and wiping her brow as though she was hot and tired and dramatically exclaimed. "We've finally finished laying the feast, having slaved all morning over the hot stove."

The dinning table was laid with salad, sauces, cheeses, meats and hot quiches so everyone could come and get their own.

Jackie snorted as she put the jugs of drinks down on the table and the others smiled knowing full well the restaurant staff had provided the food and most probably put it on the table.

Feeling hungry and knowing it would be everyone for themselves in a moment Meg walked over to the table.

Their grins grew at John's very loud exclamation "I can walk, thank you very much! **But** you can put the papers on the table in the sleeping area."

Bob chuckled and admitted defeat stopping the chair just clear of the mat inside the doorway. He then gave him a mock bow before taking the papers off John's lap so the man could get up, but walking away to put the pile on the table as ordered he muttered darkly "I'll get my own back young man."

Sighing John got up and walked slowly over to join the others knowing his limitations. After they raided the table they made their way over to the lounge area and settled down to eat. Only to have the main door whoosh open and Jack walk in with a box and some papers in his hands and seeing what was on the table exclaimed. "Now that's what I call good timing!" He looking round at the others carried on with a sigh. "Unlike Mandy who has got delayed and there was no sign of Paul either."

"You can tell us about that pile as we eat." John said with a fork full of food ready to be eaten.

"Okay give me a minute to sort this out." Jack said putting the box and papers on the empty sofa, then got some food and settled down next to his piles of goodies and much to everyone's gentle disgust took several mouthfuls before glancing round at them coming to rest on John and saying, "Hey! I know better than to speak and eat later … eating never happens and I'm hungry. You sorted things out?"

John smiled and nodded, then followed Jack's advice as did the others.

Satisfied with that answer nod Jack carried on eating, when he finished he got up to get a drink and Paul walked in and made a beeline for the food with a cheery "Carry on!" as everyone had looked.

Jack smiled and poured himself a coffee from one of the jugs on the table and sighed hearing a gentle cough looking round at them he then filled some more cups with the right drinks knowing he'd become the unofficial tea and coffee boy. Definitely could not say 'no' to those silent pleas from the group and commented cockily. "Knew there was a reason to wait; **now** I don't have to repeat myself," looking at Paul as he finished and then asked. "Things okay?"

Paul could not resist. "Coffee please." He got a huff from Jack so added quickly as he started filling his plate with food. "Sort of … been let out for the day … and it's going to take days rather than hours. They are going through all the books and any other pieces of paper they can find, including phone records. They will interview staff and clients even though we've explained about the nephew and coincidences." With a full plate he started to walk over to the others and added. "So you tell us your story."

Jack took the tray of cups over and let them grab their own and sipped his coffee but as everyone was still watching him, he admitted defeat and started. "Okay, my FBI friend has come up with the cell phone records for Maria, Tess and land phone at Ocean Drive; I added that one just in case they got sloppy and rung from home. The records cover the last month though we can go back further if we wish but the company may start making a fuss and they do go right up to this morning which is interesting."

He had to move his cup out the way so took another drink then laid the papers on the semi cleared table, Jackie had packet up some of the plates for him. Everyone could see that certain numbers had red rings around them, though they could not actually read the numbers and he laid a thin file beside them that remained closed.

He pointed to the ringed numbers and explained. "Right, the red rings is a new number that both Maria and Tess have contacted and it started two weeks ago and the frequency of the calls increased three days ago. Tess called only a couple of times; Maria using her cell phone rang that number early evening the night before Derek's death and on the morning of his death and early this morning.

Of course it proves nothing unless we know what was being said and of course we don't and we don't have a 'hit man for hire' firm on the other end either. So could be just a friendship that just happened... a coincidence just like the shooting is and it's our devious minds making the connection between them.

No calls were made to this number from Ocean Drive, I also took the liberty of getting The Gallery's phone number and checked their calls but nothing turned up there either, I think that rules out work related conversations, so it's likely to be a personal friendship.

We have to tread carefully and have positive leads as lawyers can throw out evidence that's got from 'fishing trips' as they are called. The best way would be to feed in a hint or a question and get them to search the records themselves and they make the connections. If we can satisfy ourselves it is going places then we might use Robert, though how might prove challenging in view of his close call already.

Anyway, we did a check on the new number and came up with a name, Ross English" Jack flicked open the file, which had a computer picture and notes and commented. "Joys of the computer age, he's early thirties not bad looking, single, clean driving licence, bit of money but not rich and no steady job having recently moved into the area. Two weeks ago actually so, we are back tracking him and so far have come up with an artistic background. So I wondered about Annie's part of the business rather than Maria's, we might track that number later if needs be. It will be a paper trail including newspapers, which takes time. Once we start contacting people rather a machines word could get back to him that we are looking … so far it looks as though he likes the ladies, pretty, rich and unattached.

We are looking at the options of a lover leaving the women happy in which case he is changing his style by going on to a married woman, why take the risk? Or he could be an odd job artist earning a living on his own, hence pretty ladies and does portraits, no steady income. And Maria is helping him find something through her connections as he is new to the area, all very innocent. Finally it could be someone on the wrong side of the law who is good and has not been caught yet i.e. a hit man with ladies man or jobbing artist as a cover."

John said softly. "So you think he killed Derek to please Maria?"

Jack said gently. "Yes it's possible, she moved from you to Derek. But if she did then she's back to a killer for a lover, sorry John."

With the ideas in his mind John nodded but said firmly. "No, he's more likely to be an 'innocent' lover who could bring up the children, the last thing she wants is one with a hold over her."

Meg felt a shiver go down her spine and was sure the others did to as John carried on. "The children are young and can adjust to a new father, Samantha would not know any different; Benjy is used to things changing think of Seattle to Sunset Beach. Maria would be free to relax and live as she wants to, Ross might not even stay the course if his record is anything to go by.

There is Tess, but she's been be bought or warned off by Derek's death. Sara said she was in hiding possibly breaking ties, perhaps she is moving out of range." He looked across at Jack and pointing to the records he'd picked up and checked over as Jack had talked about Ross said softly. "Those phone records show Tess and Maria were on the phone to each other."

Jack sighed looking at John for a moment then the colour went from his face as he realised the full implication said softly. "John no. Don't even go there."

Equally quietly but firmly John replied "The times of the calls Jack."

There was a tense silence in the room as Jack took the paper from John and started to check them.

The silence was broken as Paul whispered. "But that would mean…"

Jack broke in stating the facts rather than finishing Paul words. "Tess was on the phone while Derek died. Assuming you collapsed as he was hit then she had started the call about one minute before that. First of all we don't know if she can shoot and secondly it would have been too dangerous, someone could have seen her leave the house." He stopped and then stated firmly. "She was at home trying to get in. John!"

John looked at him sadly and insisted. "I doubt anyone has checked she was actually at home. They are focusing on Tim, and Ricardo would give credibility to the call taking place. There are three doors out of Ocean Drive she could have slipped out of any one picking her time or none, after all she was to meet them there. Who's to say she did not slip downstairs while Ricardo was outside on the beach trying to stop people from leaving and pretended to come in.

This morning in the sunken garden I could smell the flowers and I remembered what was at the back of my mind … I could smell a strong scent in the room as I held my brother … I was facing him so could not see who was behind me and therefore in front of Derek. … I'm sure it was Tess's perfume and that is why he did not struggle, he would not expect her to kill him, they were lovers early on and he gave her a child. It would have been quick so surprise would have made him freeze."

Jack whispered "Too much of a jump John … must be."

Paul said hoarsely. "Tess could not shoot with a cell in her hand and Ricardo would have heard the shot or seen Maria jump."

With the sadness still very much in his voice John said. "No, Tess would have connected before she entered the house and put it down or in her pocket or perhaps accidentally left it on. Then used it to say it was done and time to come over for Samantha. … They say a silencer was used and Maria need not have been close to Ricardo when taking the call. Perhaps she had her back to him a radio on even, he just needed to be there with her to verify she had the call. Fingerprints can be moved from objects, can't they Jack."

Jack whispered, "Yes … not easy … hence the smudging but enough to implicate." Like the others he was shocked that John had even thought of the possibilities, the trouble was it fitted so well and added. "How can we prove it?"

John said calmly and without hesitation. "On the computer through cell phone masts."

They all looked at John as if he'd gone mad then Jack got up and went over to the computer on the dining table and flicked it onto search engine and keyed in the information. As the others made their way over to the dining table Meg got beside John and held his hand. Noting he was pale and guessed it was one thing to think of those possibilities, it was totally different to have it proved and no one jump up and tell you it was totally it was impossible. No one had done the latter and she had no doubt she was pale too and said quietly. "Maria's not like that John, I knew her in the earthquake she was so gentle."

Glancing at her he stopped her carrying on by saying sadly. "That was when she had no past and met a loving friend who was willing to take her as she was. Now she has all her past and a future to think of. Tess has always had a sharp edge to her …one of the reasons I wanted her close and went to Seattle."

"John I'm so sorry." She said gently knowing words were not really enough.

"I have you … I'm sorry my brother's so called soulmate was not like you. … Like Jack said he trusted her." and then got up and they walked over to join the others.

As they joined them Jack called out. "John I've got the overall map of Sunset Beach."

John snapped out of his moody thoughts of possible betrayed love from the very beginning and said calmly. "Go to the street map and I think you'll find there are two masts covering Sunset Beach hopefully one will cover Ocean Drive and the other Tess's home. I remember there was a fuss about bad reception in certain areas."

Jack fiddled around and got the right page then said. "Got it. … Ocean Drive and Carmen's are on the same one and they are not on the edge, they should link in nicely. Tess is on the other one so if the two are from the one area they can't say it's a mix up or crossover." He looked at John and added. "So I go back to my friend and see if they can pin point the calls on that day then we will know if you are right. I hope you're wrong. In any case we need to know what's happening in Sunset now, Meg can you ring home."

Meg shivered and nodded.

And Jack carried on. "In the box I've got an extension and headphones so we can listen in on your call if you use the hotel phone is that okay John?"

John nodded having sat down and Bob came over to him quietly checking his pulse and said gently. "Afterwards you rest and so does Meg you've both had shocks and I wished you had voiced your thoughts in the garden. … We could have talked."

"Sorry I couldn't, not then." John said sadly.

Bob nodded realising how difficult it must be for him. After all, the whole situation of being at his twin's death was bad enough but then to know who the murderer or murderers were and one be a person he'd loved and trusted must be creeping him out ... He knew he was.

Meg went over to the phone in the kitchen area while Jack got the extension and headphones so they could listen and set them up at the table. The others quickly and quietly tided up the table covering or clearing the food plates etc. glad to have ordinary jobs to do to keep the thoughts away.

oxoxo

Leaning against the counter Meg decided to ring home rather than the Shock Wave, she waited for a couple of rings then as it was answered, she saw nods from Jack and John knew they could hear and said. "Hi Mum"

"Meg, Sweetheart how are you?"

"Shocked but not too bad thanks I was wondering what's happening."

Joan sighed. "Dad's gone to see Tim he wants him home in our custody, I believe he's been talking to the lawyer Robert sent over. Can you thank him for that if you see him before us, he seems to have disappeared. The town's in mourning lots of businesses are either closed or got black ribbons in the windows. Still can't believe it I assume Sara has mailed you, she's coming round later."

"Yes I'll thank him and I'm glad Sara's seeing you. She said Annie and Bette have taken it hard."

"Yes … Oh there's the door give us a sec."

Meg could hear muttering off and guessed it was her father coming in and waited feeling her anxiety rising.

"Meg!"

"Hi Dad I was wondering how things are."

"Grim to be honest. I've put off the deal about the Shock Wave for a couple of days can't think about it. Tim is staying silent and they've put him on suicide watch. You know they found his fingerprint on the gun."

"Yes."

"Well Tim says he knows nothing about the gun and I believe him. But now they've found out he bought the gun."

"How?" Meg exclaimed

"The owner of a gun shop has come forward, recognised his photo and they found his signature in the book. They tested the writing and say it's his."

Jack whispered to Meg. "TV in shop."

Meg nodded and asked. "What about camera in the shop Dad."

Hank gave a short sharp laugh, "Out for the day and unfortunately Tim was also known to be out of town that day and what's more they've found a car parking stub in his car for the day and the town."

"Dad does Tim know?"

"Yes, but is staying silent, he must be able to tell them where in the town he went and prove he was not there. Guess they will check street cameras, he's due to go before the Judge I want him home Meg then perhaps he will talk to me. I'm going to see if I can provide the surety or whatever so can't stay long. Tess is in hiding and will not see him, everyone else seems to be against him and keep voicing his past with Ben as a reason for his actions. I've told Jude he is a useless shot and got our neighbours to give statements and fax them in." He gave a sigh and added. "There is something else that's odd."

Meg looked over at John and Jack who nodded their support and understanding.

"Go on Dad." She encouraged her father.

"There was an add-on to Ben's Will saying it and the way his current fortune is made up have to be published in the paper, and all transactions have to be halted at the time of death anything after was to be thought as suspect. It's in the early evening edition instead of this morning's because Maria was trying to stop it and was trying to get him cremated privately rather than the public burial at the Mission, which he has asked for. She claims it is all contrary to what he said he wanted in the past. The Judge ruled it was all to go ahead as Ben wanted it.

I can't understand why he's done this he is … was such a private person … but it is amazing how his fortune is made up as well as the amount of it. Also there are sort of two Wills, it depends on who attends the funeral there's a list and if everyone attends then his family gets control with donations here and there, you are included in both. If just one person does not attend then the fortune is distributed to everyone in Sunset Beach with trusts set up and the family only get a small allowance.

Charles told me that you are on the must attend list and there are a few others that he is trying to track down, also Tim's there which might cause trouble. I believe Antonio has to take the service but he's on closed retreat. The service is booked for tomorrow at 12.30 children will say goodbye first then stay at a special crèche with the other children, adults only for the service. I told him about your condition and he says he'll go before the Judge and see what they say. Do you think you can come?"

She felt shocked and looked for support from the others, Jack nodded and John whispered "Antonio's retreat?"

She paused then said. "Umm yes I think so, I had a check up recently and everything is fine. When did Antonio go on retreat?"

Hank sighed. "Glad everything is fine. Odd like everything else around here, one moment he's making arrangements for a service and the next he's gone ... must have been yesterday morning. You'll stay with us; though we might have Tim with us under guard no doubt."

"Not sure, I'll have to see if Robert can do something as I don't think airline companies are too happy with mums to be."

There was a gentle laugh. "Yea good point ... if you want to bring someone with you I'm sure that will be fine. Hear from you later then."

"Yes Dad, give the others my love for me."

"Will do, don't suppose I could speak to John reassure him you will be well looked after."

Meg smiled at her father's try. "No Dad he's looking after the horses at the moment."

"Worth a try. Bye love."

"Love you." Meg cut the call and looked over at John and Jack who were taking their earphones off, the others in the room looked on as they only heard one side of the conversation.

John said almost to himself. "He's told Antonio."

"John?" Jack asked.

"Oh not all of it, but just enough to start asking questions at the funeral if certain people don't turn up, that's why he went on closed retreat to think things out and decide what he should do, only events happened."

"You mean like confessional." Jack clarified.

John nodded and then continued getting things clear in his mind. "Yeah and Meg somehow … so his leaving was planned. … Tess would have known Tim's movements so I've no doubt he was in the town that day probably never noticed the shop if he went past it ... had no reason too. All they would need is some tv footage of him in the town or on the same street as the shop preferably not outside it because that would prove he walked past and didn't go in."

He looked at Jack and said softly. "They've got him Jack. The fingerprints, his admission he was at the house and proof he was in the other town. His silence can be taken as an admission of guilt and anything he says will be made out to be lies anyway. He will only say something if there is quick solid proof he was elsewhere at the time. There won't be because I expect the car was full of fuel and his route was country so no cameras, either way they will say he was running so he's guilty. He would want at least Abby safe before he talks and birth mothers have more rights than a possible felon or adopted fathers, if of course she was officially adopted by Tim that is."

Jack listened astounded, he had just had all his arguments being a police officer voiced and said. "Okay …You are right Tim will stay silent …If Maria is involved then Benjy and his sister are in danger … which means we do the work for him from here. So, I'd better get that trace done along with copies of this map and see if my friend can suggest a feed in line as he's FBI protection. … If he can we then tackle the shopkeeper, he's out of town and he would not put himself in this position for nothing, which means money was involved. And, we'd better see if we can get hold of Robert fast so Tim stays in jail and stop what lawyers usually do, get them out. Meg you've got the 24 phone number."

Meg nodded but asked quietly. "Why are you so sure John?"

"He's published his Will, that stops any quick close down and run on Maria's part it also generates gossip as Hank said it was out of character. Why Antonio … because of his position of trust in the community, although he is restricted by rules he will be able to give pointers even look out for the children. He's gone to get advice I expect closed retreat means that anything said there will not come out."

John gave a half smile as he paused then carried on. "And you will be there … he trusts you … and the love I had for you along with your sense of morality. I hope he's managed to send whatever he's got for you because he is right, you would go in to protect the children for both our sakes.

The rest of the list whoever they are … possibly for their safety, don't know how long in the future or when he added the note. Perhaps he did have a warning and she thought it was a bluff and he called it so it's a trap for after the event … She has to be around to collect any money and the right people would be around to ask questions."

He gave a gentle sigh accepting the inevitable and carried on. "So we collect everything and then you and Jack with the others along with Jude swoop at the funeral, when she will be playing weepy widow with Tess at her side. The kids will have said goodbye to their father earlier, thus showing just how much she cares for her family and will be safe in the crèche with the other children."

Jack sighed and commented as he dialled a number "Hate to say it but it makes sense especially as she tried to get a cremation done quickly … bodies can tell their own story given certain facts. … Hey I need a really big favour. …... No two actually …"

They left Jack to his call because Mandy came into the apartment and she was not alone.

Meg looked up and left John's side and almost ran into a loving hug as she exclaimed. "Robert!"

oxoxo

Hope you enjoyed it, please review.


	54. Chapter 54

**Chapter 54**

Wrapping his arms round Meg in spite of her baby bump and managing to keep on his feet from her rush into his hug Robert saw John getting up to greet them. He hadn't expected a big happy cheer when he arrived and as he'd just met Mandy who also didn't know what had been happening here guessed whatever it was, it was bad by the solemn air in the apartment.

Standing there he could feel the people he had brought with him starting to come in around them so said quickly and gently matching John's sad half smile. "I tracked down Tyus and brought his wife as well as an official from Sunset Beach who will not be missed but will give weight to our findings. Have things been happening while I've been travelling?"

John like the others nodded yes as they watched the unfolding tableau, all wondering why Robert would take a risk of bringing an official with him.

oxoxo

Avoiding the others Tyus walked straight over to John, his smile growing as his mind finally shouted that everything he had been told was the true and he was not going to wake up from this dream as bad as some of it was. He also took in the fact his friend was well and the differences from the man he knew and from deep sadness in his eyes and expression knew this twin was hurting.

He put his hand on his friend's shoulder knowing his smile was showing everything he felt and quickly wondered what the hell do you say to the friend who had been so mistreated, and brought him into a hug of lost friendship and then said with gentle words as doctor mode took over from friend mode. "I'm sorry for your suffering and loss. You look as though you need to sit down and I need to check you over to prove you are Ben not Derek."

Feeling too emotional for words now he had seen and felt Tyus, John silently broke the hug and led Tyus over to the sofas. While following Tyus glanced back to the official from Sunset Beach and asked. "Do you need to film this or will my statement be enough."

The man was in his late forties said in a voice that showed he was not overawed by the strange situation he found himself. "My witnessing will be enough I think there's too much stress around already for a camera show. My full name is Anthony James, a senior legal clerk to the courts and I go by the name of Tony." he smiled as he added "And I was going to have a quiet day off before Robert here knocked on my door."

John gave a slight smile and nodded then let Tyus tell him what he needed to do.

Jack having finished his call, called across the room. "John. It will take a while to check and he thinks it's advisable to leave FBI out for the moment but I can go in and swoop using 'witness protection' as a cover. I'll take my official identification with me to show Jude." then explained to the others. "Robert. Tim and Derek were going to disappear with the kids only Derek never made it because Maria had Tess kill him, we having Tess's phone call checked now."

"Ouch" Robert exclaimed gently while giving a nod as things added up and knew he had to explain so broke from his hug with Meg but kept an arm lightly round her shoulder as he spoke. "I received a package from Derek this morning there was a covering letter asking me to send it to Meg for her to keep safe and only to be opened by me if it could not be passed on and he died with in the next few days. It was posted yesterday and arrived in Seattle this morning they knew I was not going to be back for a few days so they put it on the first plane back and I got it just before I left to find Tyus. As soon as I saw the writing I thought it might be wise to have someone who could witness its route so I tested my skills of persuasion on Tony and then perfected them on Tyus and his wife."

Before anyone could comment Tyus said casually "Well, if anyone is interested." They all looked at him so he carried on. "His eyes are clear so this is Ben Evans; the streaks of white in his hair I would assume were caused by trauma from his ordeal." He smiled and looked at Meg and added. "I'm glad you two found each other." then looking over to Jack and the others added. "I assume you have medical records about his eyes when he was found."

Bob answered "Yes I was the doctor who treated him and we noted they were clear though we did not know about a twin or anything then. It was just a case of one thing less to worry about. I can get the originals sent over to the airport if it will help in the round up."

Tyus said. "Thanks but I don't think they will be needed ..."

But stopped as Jack jumped in. "Robert, you need to ring Tim's lawyer and make sure Tim stays in jail with no visitors or gifts."

"Okaay." Robert said slowly weighing things up and could not help a slight smile at the irony of the whole thing as he carried on. "You realise lawyers usually get people out of jail."

John smiled but said sadly. "Getting out would kill him … and play into their hands."

Robert looked at John questioningly as he walked over the sofas and sat so they could talk easily, Tyus moved so he could keep an eye on John without crowding him. As everyone settled themselves on the sofas Jackie quickly and quietly made more drinks knowing it would help ease the tension and stop John feeling everyone was watching him more closely than they were. Meg sat beside him and took his hand hoping it would help him and got a gentle squeeze of acknowledgement.

John decided to concentrate on Robert rather than the others but knew they would chip in as necessary and was thankful for Meg's hand to ground him as he explained. "Tim's death would bring the case to a close. They might be able to make it look natural but suicide would be better and they would not even need a note to prove it as the evidence condemns him."

Robert nodded with a slight frown, which cleared as John brought him up to date. "You know about his smudged finger prints on the gun well now they have positive id that he bought the gun with his signature in the book. Not only that his car can be placed in the town on the day the gun was bought and I have no doubt the town cameras will show him in the area of the shop. Although Hank and others say he can not shot straight, the police could say he meant to frighten Ben but killed instead then ran off with the money. And the story about waiting in the motel for Ben is a total lie brought about by the fact he couldn't run with Abby. I've no doubt Maria could come up with a story about that cash of being in the house and she could say the shares were going to be given to Tess for safe keeping for Abby's future, after all Tess is the birth mother and that always carries more weight."

Robert nodded adding gently "And Tim admits to being at Ocean Drive that afternoon. Okay … give me a minute … can we even hint at new evidence?"

John shook his head, Meg said gently pleading. "John, he's on suicide watch." John looked at her and shook his head again. Meg's mind spun she knew just how low Tim could get and he could not get drunk in jail.

Robert dialled the number and waited then said "Hi I need the boss is he around... … No now. … … okay …." He looked around nodded to Jackie as she brought him a drink and then spoke back into the phone "Glad I caught you, are you alone. …. Good Tim Trueman must not be let out of jail or have visitors etc … … … That bad …. … …. Umm then you will have to fight Hank about this and trust me." He gave a gentle laugh as he listened then carried on. "No, no danger money. …. …. I guess the funeral will be interesting and he must go to that as well. …. … Give me a moment."

He put his hand over the phone and spoke to the others in the room. "Tim's in a really bad way, not eaten anything and needs something to hold onto. Meg, are you going to the funeral?"

Meg smiled suddenly remembering a way to help Tim. "Tell Tim I believe in him and to remember our game of hide and seek with Mary, and I'll see him before the funeral perhaps that will give him some strength and hope."

The others as well as Jack looked questioningly at her, she sighed and explained. "We were kids Mary really hit on Tim and she decided to have a game of hide seek at her birthday party, she knew Tim was lousy at the game so she was to kiss the first boy loser, which meant the girls were safe. We found the same hiding place so I sheltered him and guided him back to base without getting caught; we came in separately to make it look right. She was miffed swore that Tim cheated but we stood our ground and the others agreed he did not cheat, so she had to kiss Billy who she hated and had a crush on her. Sort of justice."

Jack smiling nodded his okay and Robert went back to his call and trying hard not to laugh as he explained what Meg had told them, and then confirmed it was to be between the pair of them no one else. Also that Tim needed new clothes for the funeral not ones from home if need be he would settle later and that Meg would see them both in the morning at the police station.

Jack interrupted briefly "No visitors or gifts of any kind."

Robert relayed the point and that he or a friend would be with Meg, then rang off and commented. "He's a good lawyer and curiosity will keep him on his toes. So who goes first Meg's package or how you know Maria had Tess killed Derek. … Sorry John this must be awful for you."

Finding it difficult to actually talk about his experiences, even though he trusted Robert and the others to understand they were the truth not idle fancy John nodded hesitated for a moment then said softly. "As I held my brother as he died … there was something I could not put my finger on, till this morning. … Bob was wheeling me into the sunken garden and we brushed against a bush and I caught the scent from the flowers. It triggered the memory of a scent being in the room at Ocean Drive … the scent was strong enough to be on a person still in the room rather than someone who had gone out a few moments ago. I could not see his assailant and I don't know if I could have looked around - I was concentrating on my brother nothing else … in the triggered memory I knew the scent belonged to Tess and I remembered her moaning about the fact she had to send away for it because no one in Sunset stocked it.

Thinking it over I realised no one would have any reason to check where Tess actually was or the cell phone records - the two woman gave each other an alibi, with Ricardo being the innocent anchor, his reputation being strong enough to stop any thought of looking out of curiosity."

John paused for a moment and Robert nodded he understood so John carried on. "I knew the cell numbers and gave them to Jack who got the records and we found out that Tess was on the cell phone one or two minutes before I collapsed … his murder and stayed on till afterwards. Obviously telling Maria she should come over as Samantha would be by herself and giving her the plausible excuse of being locked out and unable to contact Tim for Ricardo to hear, the rest is coincidence, which happens to fall into their plans. If Tim had a good alibi everyone would assume frame up knowing his history and the real trail would be hard to pick up. So, Jack is finding out whether she really rang from home or Ocean Drive, phones are automatically trace and on different cell masts.

Derek was using my escape plan, thinking Tim and Abby were in danger he sent them on a head thereby pointing the finger at Maria as well as Tess as being the threat. Also there is Antonio leaving town suddenly to go into closed retreat that may mean Derek said something to him that morning and Antonio needed advice away from Sunset Beach.

Now we find out that he sent you a package for Meg … when I was in the warehouse Derek said he loved Meg I don't think it was just to spite me I think he genuinely feels something for her … and possibly because of my love for her, he would trust her with evidence of some kind if not then to do the right thing and not just ignore it. Of course he knew he was taking a risk she might open it sooner but he most probable thought she would weigh the pros and cons and hope she would let him live with the children. I know he has changed in many ways but one thing I think would stay constant and that is his need to have something on people around him – sort of safety blanket."

Robert took the parcel from Tony as John was finishing his explanation and gave a nod while still thinking over the facts then asked. "Who thought about cell phone masts?"

Jack smiled and answered. "John did, and I think we need to get this over and done with so these two can rest before we fly back to Sunset Beach tonight. There will be a lot of ground to cover in the morning if we are to take them at the funeral." Robert looked up sharply and Jack continued with a slight smile. "John's idea as well, the children will be out the way having said goodbye first and the women will be free of weapons and putting on an act of tears and everyone will know what is going on not gossip, just hard facts. Meg will be protected if she goes and can explain to Casey about the change in the job situation and they can make up their minds whether to stay or follow her back home when things are sorted."

Robert gave a gentle nod of agreement and said with a sigh almost to himself. "Talk about a flying yoyo." which made them smile in spite of the tension, he turned his attention to Meg before giving her the package. "I think the pages of the letter etc should be put in clear bags for fingerprints etc. which Jack can do before we go."

"Everyone seems to be doing my job today." Jack said with a sigh as he saw Tony take some clear plastic evidence bags out of a briefcase.

Tony smiled as he explained. "I had some spare things in my briefcase from the last court case. I must admit this is more exciting than the day I had planned, though I'm sorry it had to be because of your brother John."

John nod as Tyus commented with a slight smile "I know the feeling my wife and I were having a lazy morning, first in a long time." His smile deepened as he carried on. "Mind you this is more interesting than a week decorating which was planned. But we can talk later you both need to get this done."

oxoxo

Everyone else sat quietly giving the couple space if not complete privacy, which was not possible if they were to prove these were not forgeries.

Robert handed Meg the package and with trembling fingers she opened it, Tony took the envelope and put it in a spare bag and wrote on the label. Meg put the other thick envelope on table and carefully opened the sheet of writing paper slipping it into a bag then smoothing it out so she could read it.

She saw it was dated yesterday and started to read it then got close to John and said gently "You need to read this as well." John put his hand on hers and they both started to read it.

_Dear Meg_

_A plea, don't tear up this letter or the other one when you read my words. _

_I apologies for the tone of the other letter it's not what I feel now or have done for quite a while. _

_If I could have done it any other way I would have. Now there is an admission but you know the strange thing is I think even now my brother would forgive me, even stranger it's his expertise I'm using to protect me and my children as well as Tim and Abby as we run for safety. _

_Yesterday for the first time in my life I wanted my brother by my side, so we might enjoy my happiness together - but not in the selfish way it sounds I wanted it for both of us. _

_In Samantha I can see my father's gentle stubbornness and strength and like all my children she has my mother's deep loving eyes, even her gentle nature is beginning to show as she grows. Yesterday I saw and heard something else, my mother's smile and her special laugh – the one she kept when things went really right, she loved us so deeply and her love for our father was really something special - I know that now. I saw and heard all that as Samantha toddled awkwardly towards me on the beach. It was there in the delight of her achievement she knew she had done it … those first strong steps. _

_It was a wondrous moment when everything seemed so complete and I wanted to share it with my brother have him beside me - for a split second I could almost believe he was here with me if only I could have grabbed that second or turned back time. _

_To think I tried to keep it all for myself and made him walk away from it. And Now._

_What can I say time is short and I need your support because I'm running from my soulmate the person I love to distraction and a thing I thought I would never have to do, but my brother warned me and I should have listened. _

_Perhaps it is paranoia and you will just hear of our disappearance and then read this – my - our future is in your hands if that is the case._

_I'm the one who is usually in control of life but I fear she will kill me for her freedom so I am becoming my brother and running. I feel so scared for my children - did he feel this as I made him run I wonder. _

_My reasons – This morning purely by accident I saw Maria in an embrace in the grotto, her words and laugh were gentle and loving, about time spent together a few days ago so it was not two casual friends greeting each other. They have slept together and talked of a future._

_Perhaps in our case soulmates is a one way thing. I knew how Ben felt when he saw you and Casey - but to actually feel it – is so shattering. In his case though he always thought you would eventually find that truer deeper love and he was willing to wait till the end of time in necessary. _

_You have found it with another._

_Maria is not like you, she knows how deep my love is, that I would never betray her or our children - we have done so much to get where we are. _

_I recognised the man as Ross English, he has rooms at The Belmount, saw them together last week thought little of it after all we meet people as part of our lives. In her eyes no doubt he is young and would make a good father to my children who are young and unquestioning. _

_I see only a man out for a rich lovely woman - thought I was safe in our love now I know better. _

_Yes I'm Derek - Ben is dead. Back then I really had no choice, living separate lives still made me Derek and him Ben – I was not the complete person I should have been – knowing what I do now I wish we could be together and have a future, if I can I will say a proper goodbye to him and ask his forgiveness._

_I kidnapped him in September 1999 when he went to Seattle and took his memories and through those I gained his lifestyle became the person I should have been at birth Derek Benjamin John Evans one complete person and returned to my soulmate and son. _

_But now I must become my brother and run from her and Tess. I'm taking Tim with me using my brother's expertise to hide and start a new life for us all. He knew when you ran you left no ties behind you - strangely enough I care for Tim and Abby and I fear they are in danger from Tess, she has that hard edge around her that used to be there when we did 'a job' or she was watching my brother for me. _

_Perhaps they are both plotting and Ross will do it, I don't know, perhaps deep down I always knew they would do this and accepted it, better than jail but my children deserve more. I would go now but I have things to sort out, anyway Tim can not come till this afternoon then there is Benjy to collect he will not be back in school till this afternoon – trust them to have a morning trip today. _

_So I will send Tim on ahead and meet him later, how much I tell – not sure yet - after all I did try to kill him once, perhaps it will be enough that Maria and Tess do not want us around any more and my fortune is up for grabs. I will give him a million dollars in cash and a million in shares put by for Abby's future and he can be independent of me and disappear. None of this or the money I'm taking is traceable back to the fortune here as it's from my brother's escape account which was kept well hidden, as were the rest of his ideas. _

_I know you are expecting your child and may not be able to travel should I be found dead so I will tell Antonio under confessional that I'm Derek not Ben that Maria knows it and we both love the children. Should you not at the funeral then he must declare I'm Derek not Ben and after the truth is known I wish to be cremated and my ashes scattered where my brother's are so we will be together and at peace. _

_There is one thing I never told him in Seattle, far too dangerous for me, but you should know._

_You are Mrs Megan Evans have been from the moment he married you in the Mission. His memories from that are astounding. He loved you so much._

_You see I married Maria Torres in Seattle before Ben came to Sunset Beach it's all in the other letter to be honest if she had said 'No go see Ben and talk to him' I would have listened possibly acted in a different way - who can tell. But she didn't nor did Carmen or Tess they were there as well. _

_Perhaps I should have known better she took three years with him but she had my children not his and they are such a beautiful gift. _

_I can not blame my parents they tried everything to make me feel a whole person and remembering now they nearly succeeded after Ben left to live in New York, only Dad's death of a heart attack brought on by a virus and Mum dying two hours later of a broken heart - asking my forgiveness because she could not stay and love me - destroyed it. We missed each other in New York had we met none of this would have happened I was so angry I would have killed him and no doubt myself afterwards or visa versa. Instead I hunted him down, it's all in the other note as I said sorry for the tone I no longer feel that way but I don't have time to re write it. Ironically I was going to destroy it today and let you live in ignorance because you deserve the love you have. _

_Would I have listened to Maria when I returned to Sunset Beach, September 1999 I don't honestly know - I do know when she knew the truth there was still time for me to run with her and the fortune but she was happy with what I was doing even helped. _

_Perhaps it is my destiny to become my brother and run as he did. Possibly to my death, I hope not for my children's sake._

_So Meg, I'm putting my freedom and my children's safety in your hands, in your memories of his love - let me run with my children I will bring them up so they will love and give love they have gentleness in their blood. _

_I may even take them home and show them the most loving couple I knew - after all she carries her name. _

_But should I be right and Maria succeeds for their sakes not mine become our avenging angel bring justice to us all so they can live safely with Gabi and Ricardo or ask Antonio to find them a loving home. Tell them for all my faults and they are many I love them always will. The fortune is yours by right I ask only that the children do not suffer too much. _

_Two other thoughts, the pride and love I felt when I walked with Bette at her wedding were from both of us Ben and I loved her gift of love and respect and returned it willingly - there was no lie in what I feel for her I hope the truth will not belittle that day. To Annie tell her my brother thought of her as a wayward sister who he tried to help the words I spoke to her on the pier the day she was so low were the truth and everything she has done since is the 'true Annie' and if you could give her The Gallery she deserves it because I know she will make a go of it and her life with Jude._

_Don't be sad for us perhaps as twins our love was always meant to be one way. For me I will always love Maria and I have two wonderful children. My brother, all he ever wanted was for you to be happy with or without him and you are. _

_From your troubled unsure love for Ben you have found something much deeper. You've stood by and protected your lover from your past. _

_Perhaps your true soulmate, if so I hope it will always stay two way, that he is well, still recovering from his illness and will be a loving father to your child and children in the future, most of all, he knows what a loving wife he has. _

_Love him always._

_Yours in truth and respect. _

_Derek Benjamin John Evans. _

As the words in her head in Derek's voice faded, she could feel dampness on her cheeks and knew she had been crying. Her thoughts were purely on the fact she was married to her soulmate and Derek had found happiness … The rest disappeared as she turned to look at John to find a look of deep deep sadness with tears running down his cheeks as well. Unthinking she started to brush her fingers against his cheek to brush away the tears and felt his fingers brushing against her cheek.

Touch not words was important to them.

It was only the whispered gasps from the others with a quiet "Oh my goodness" from Mandy that made her realise John had read the letter out loud - it had not all been Derek's voice she heard in her head … her thoughts stopped there because John very gently planted a gently kiss on her forehead and said softly. "Meg Evans I love you."

"I love you too Ben Evans." Came her loving return then snuggled into his shoulder forgetting everything and one - just wanting to be with him.

But his voice edged in a sadness that nearly choked her brought her back to the here and now, "If only she waited a few more hours to get her freedom. None of this would have happened." There was silence for a moment then she felt his gentle touch on her hand and words in her ear. "I'm sorry but we need to know what he else he said Meg."

Slowly she sat up looking at him, his eyes so deeply sad she said gently, "We have our love and he came to you and you forgave him."

John nodded.

Slight flickers of the true betrayal he had suffered were beginning to break through but she put everything to the back of her mind and reluctantly found the package opening it a key dropped out which she put back on the table.

As she did Robert asked gently. "John, the video tape did it arrive?"

"Yes I'll watch it when I say goodbye to him properly, thank you for taking it." John said soft but calmly.

Mandy gave John a cup of tea and said gently. "Let us read this, you need to rest. I suppose nothing will stop Meg from going now."

With a gentle smile John answered as Meg looked up at him. "No she will go for our family sakes but I want you to go as well."

Mandy nodded and added "Tyus's wife is a nurse so Meg will be fine travelling. Will you be all right here?"

With a slight smile he looked at the others knowing Mandy would follow his look and answered. "Yes … I've got enough hawks thank you." The he looked towards Meg and added. "I would like to take Meg into town before you go though."

Meg looked up questioningly but John shook his head he was not going to tell her, so she settled back having slipped the pages into their protective sleeves and Mandy came over and sat beside her.

In the back ground as she started to read she heard Jack say gently to John. "Remember your love for Meg not the past love ………"

The rest was lost as she read realising Derek was right the tone was sharper, she checked the date and saw it was written the day after she arrived in Sunset Beach for the birth of her sister's twins and wondered if that harder self had to have one last fling before dying.

_Dear Meg_

_You will no doubt be reading this with your children and grandchildren near at hand and mine will be sad at my passing. _

_We have had our rightful loves and lives and prepared the next generation, fulfilled our destinies. I played my part and you played yours._

_Yours was to leave Sunset Beach and find your proper soulmate. _

_My part was to be reunited with my soulmate and family and return my brother to his rightful place so he could rest in peace. If you are interested my brother's ashes were scattered in Canada and if it exists at time of reading there is proof in a locker at Sunset Beach PO Box 446677 it is kept on a continuous account – why do I keep it I know life is fickle. I have no doubt you will let the past rest in peace we have been good parents and have brought up the next generation, as they should be. _

_If it had not been right and he had been allowed to live our lives would have been unsettled unfulfilled as it was everything fell into place this time._

_Proof that our destinies were being fulfilled was confirmed the first time you returned to Sunset Beach, for some reason you tried to hide that happiness but it was in your eyes and now today when you came back for the birth of your sister's twins there is a deeper happiness and now I find out you are expecting a child. _

_A gift you were not willing to let Ben give you and you knew him longer than your new love. No doubt the love your soulmate as well as your family as they have grown up over the years will reinforce the fact you I – we did the right thing no matter what you read now. _

_As you have guessed I am Derek Benjamin John Evans I took back what was taken from me at birth and am whole. Though I live and bring up my family under my brother's name I shall be cremated under my really name even if the records only show his name. But that is in the future,_

_As for me now at the time of writing - the unsettled part of me has now been put to rest and I'm becoming the quieter loving man I should always have been. _

_All those years ago when I was in my mother's womb they talked about me as Derek working out my other names Benjamin John, after my grandfathers, and planned what the three of us should do – all that time my shadow twin hid in the womb with me. He only showed himself when he had to after my birth - he was in truth a shadow, a weaker twin and was given my middle name at birth so he would die with a name that meant something to my mother. But no, he decided he wanted everything that was rightfully mine and lived so I had half their love and time through the rest of my life with them. _

_Being identical I would look at him and know he was my missing 'part' not only that as we grew up he always came before me - all because he was Ben and I was Derek it never mattered to those outside that I was the eldest one. On top of that we had a connection, which meant he had to be close to me and he expected me to give him love and time - how could I when all he brought me was heartache. _

_From an early age I knew some when I would be free from my shadow till then I would let him join us on my terms as was my right but that was never good enough he had to steal people from me. If he had died then everything would have been in it's right place the name would have lain at rest with him and I would have taken my rightful place beside my parents, three of us instead of four, he did not so I have had to put things right._

_Now I have taken back my stolen name._

_I could have left Sunset and eventually used my real name but that would mean Maria would have had to leave her family again and I didn't want that so it is my choice to use the name my parents gave him. You might think it strange that we christened our son Benjamin but not after my twin as Maria lets everyone assume but after my mother's father and use the shortened name Benjy. Benjy also has the family name of John, which is passed on to the eldest son and lastly mine but he does not know that yet when he is old enough he will be told his true birthday and names. _

_My soulmate and family have the love they deserve because I no longer have the heartache I had - I am whole and at peace. _

_As for my brother's fortune and life style they are payment for the love and time he stole from me and would have been mine if I had been the only one._

_To be complete I took his memories and added them to my own through these I will explain everything to you and you will know that we did the right thing. _

_Where to start that is difficult everything is interlinked and you know a lot of it but as time will have gone by between me writing and you reading this I will drop in some reminders._

_So lets start, at the beginning of September 1999 he left Ocean Drive for Seattle to find out about Tess and Maria instead he found a new home, the basement of 34 Franklin Street. It was only fair that we swapped homes, that was my old address and to prove my point no one missed him or thought it odd I should return to my wife, of course you leaving him like that helped a great deal. You see Destiny was being fulfilled._

_Neither my brother nor I are fools - I learnt from the kidnapping in the warehouse and knew I needed distance and someone better than that snake Eddie to do the job this time. So, I employed two guardians and used my connection and his conditioning from childhood as well drugs. The guardians' names are not important I paid them 1 million dollars to keep him in Seattle and 5 million to be paid after his death; proof was given so I paid._

_I knew he was coming because Tess told me, she managed to get the information from Maria who of course could not remember her time in Seattle if she had she would have helped and life would have been easier. Strange how her full memory returned as I started my life in Sunset Beach, perhaps she knew the danger was over and could become my soulmate again. To put her at her ease I told her I killed my brother straight away but she knew I lied so I told her he was in Seattle just in case we needed a body and would die at the right time. She did not stop me in fact she helped me._

_I'm ahead of myself so back to Seattle; obviously because of those headaches I could not get too close to my brother but I knew if I was cool and relaxed he would not have them so strongly. The jailers followed him from the airport and after he booked into the hotel, he nosed around to get the feel of the place and came near Franklin Street, which was good it would save me worrying about any phone calls back to Sunset Beach that evening. _

_I knew it would take a lot to kidnap and break him this time so I used his respect for life and you along with his love of Benjy – that love made him soft less willing to see deceit. The twist is of course Benjy is not his son, he is mine and Maria's conceived in love the same as Samantha and any other children we will have. Add to that he now knew I would kill as required, those killings shook him, showed him what I/he could do if pushed, being identical can work both ways - in him I saw a softer side in me he saw a darker side. As for Eddie's death if he had not been such a greedy snake he would still be alive today – I warned him - I reckon I did everyone a service that day don't you? _

_That part of me has gone now my shadow has finally been put to rest. _

_But in Franklin Street, Seattle that day he did not know about Benjy not being his son only that I would kill - so there was my brother approaching within sight but not hailing distance. He looked up, sensing my presence for the first time, not a headache just that sense you have that someone you know is watching you. He had been having a mild headache since arriving but put down as stress. Who can blame him with that unsettled life style of his? There was that flash of disbelief/recognition mixed with fear and sinking feeling as he realised I was not dead. Well the last time he saw me I was falling down the cliff face and now here I was in a quiet street, which had connections with his family, carrying an innocent child in my arms, the right age and looks to give that connection to Benjy. Nearby was the boy's mother chatting, she was a dark haired beauty a bit like you in fact also innocent of the situation. – Stunned I think would be a better word for what he felt._

_We only had minutes to move so the jailers were already approaching him - one from the back the other from the front till they were beside him. To anyone watching it would seem like an innocent meeting of a stranger to two friends. We had two-way radio ear pieces etc so he knew we were in contact with each other and I made sure he could see the small knife inches from the smiling child in my arms. The threat was silent but a powerful one, a wrong move and the child would die and then the mother. _

_It was the only way – My brother knew I learnt from my mistakes in the warehouse and I would carry out my silent threats to kill. Just as I knew he would kill himself rather than be in my power again, hence two jailers to meet him. You see he knew his death would have stopped my chances of taking over his life in their tracks – he still trusted no one with the password and as I guessed and found out a little later he'd added a shutdown or meltdown programme which would be triggered if the computer was tampered with or wrong access codes entered. _

_The power rush I felt as I saw him quietly hand over his freedom and his life to me was unbelievable, worth all those close calls and years of waiting. _

_I watched him do as he was told, allow one wrist to be handcuffed to the jailer and then silently walk between them along the road past me but not so close that our sameness would draw comment and into the house. He knew I would stay with the child and mother till I was told all was well, and I did. He was put in chains in the basement and from that moment on I reclaimed what was rightfully mine -my life as a whole person and name Derek Benjamin John Evans. _

_Would I have killed the child and mother if he had tried to escape or kill himself? I would say yes in a heartbeat because I would have been angry at him, but in truth I don't know because I made damn sure the risk was too high for him to take. _

_As I entered the basement it was like going back into the womb only this time I knew I would come out whole and alone. For him the chains were his birth cord anchoring him to the womb and he left it would be to his death as he should have all those years ago._

_So, I took back my name and left him none – nothing - not even the clothes he came in, and over the next days I took his memories and his fortune. It was not easy, even with the drugs he showed his stubborn streak. _

_For his part he learnt the strength of his jailers and his compliance meant food and water also any attempt to escape would cause him pain with the possibility of your pain or death as well. With my record he had not reason to know I could not hurt or kill you. I also explained the possibilities of how he would meet his ultimate end and that he would have to wait for the final outcome. I left him with light so he could see his photo of you – you know after a time memory fades and that was another thing I took from him – time and knowledge of night or day just like a baby in the womb, though this time it was light all the time in the womb it was darkness. _

_The watch you gave him always felt so right on my wrist – still does._

_He needed to be returned to the soil and it is well known a body without a history causes problems so the jailers and I gave him a history, one the Canadian and US authorises would not waste time checking too deeply - they had better things to do. _

_So, he became a lone junky, amongst his things a note that could be read as a suicide note and some money that they could use towards a cremation. Perhaps they thought it was enough for a last fix but the walk in the mountains finished him off, whatever they bought the story. A clapped out van being driven by the jailer who looked like my brother from the distance would have carried out the day to day duties while the other kept him hidden in the cabin - drugged for the final fall. They disappeared with or without the van depending on whether my brother was the driver or just a pick up on route, their decision at the time. Of course the body would not be recognisable, unshaven etc, rocks, trees and snow would do their work, and there was no reason for the police to have any idea of a twin or Sunset Beach. Ashes were safer than a body that could be dug up later._

_Why not the sea near Seattle, well my brother and I have a history of the sea spitting us out alive, as you well know in his case. In any case Canada was the country of his choice the one he would have escaped to with you if I had come back from the dead and troubled him again. – I did but not in the way he expected – If you can remember that far back he did reassure you that I was dead, but he being him had that slight doubt so did his thing with the computer and planned for a quick get away should one be needed. As I said we learn by our mistakes just don't make a show of it and because of this I always had a back up plan even if it was to pull back and wait for another chance._

_As for his final name, well that made the circle complete I used the one he had when he settled in New York only fitting really. If they did ever check and got back that far they would have found he walked out on his first project, a night club and they would assume he just went down hill mentally. After all who would in their right minds would hand over a good project to his partner and vanish. Guess what - I missed him by a whisker and by that whisker he missed his destiny for the first time. _

_Think Meg, if he and I had met then there would have been none of the heartache that followed, but then our destinies could not have happened. Perhaps that was why we did not finish it then, we still had people to meet and that was why everything fell into place in September 1999 - it was the right time and place. Whatever. _

_In New York he learnt it was no good changing his name I would find him so used his own name from then on, funnily enough it nearly worked but good fortune shone and I found him and made sure I never lost him again. I became his shadow – only fair he was mine in the womb - we had this unwritten agreement that I would pick up payment and move him on; he believed he chose the next place that was not true because I knew him so well I could nudge him in the right direction. He was getting wiser and I wanted to settle so I could have a life so we only did it a few of times. I say we because before I left New York I had a partner who could be fairly close to Ben without him realising it – it was Tess she's good at disguises etc. I promised her part of his fortune but not love, though we did sleep together and have a good time._

_The time in between New York and Sunset Beach is not important, though Seattle is because that's where destiny/fate and actual love came knocking. Tess and I were visiting the city looking for the next stop and challenge for Ben, we found a restaurant it was full but we were too hungry and tired to move on, found a table for four with two empty seats. Maria introduced herself and Carmen and said we could share as we chatted I realised I loved her, met her again that evening then married her in a small place on the edge of Seattle- yes love at first sight for both of us and will be forever. _

_We had the advantage that records were written down in books not on the computer as they are now. It was aptly called "Love Chapel" North Side, as it suggests it's on the northern outskirts of Seattle. I know some of those places can be so over the top this one was not. Maria wore a simple white dress and I a black suit, we made a smashing couple, Tess and Carmen were witnesses along with a couple of people who just loved watching weddings. I have a feeling the people who ran the 'Chapel' might have taken a photo for their records, we didn't care to be honest we were too much in love. We stayed in a hotel for our honeymoon planning the future, finding our hidey hole, where Tess and I could live while my brother was in Sunset Beach, which turned out to be Franklin Street._

_Tess went back to where Ben was living to keep an eye on things and once everything was settled Maria returned to Sunset Beach and I went back to give Ben the nudge he needed to send him on his way. For her part Carmen made sure Ben's name was heard in whispers before he came, nothing too obvious just enough in the right circles and Gregory Richards took the bait even taking him under his wing after the convention. Gregory, of course had his own agenda being on the look out for suckers so we just fell in beside him, knowing he could take the blame if things went wrong. Nearly did when the caves were blown up and for once not my action all Gregory's doing. _

_After Ben arrived I waited in Seattle, relying on Maria and Carman for information either by phone or a quick visit to Franklin Street. Ben thought I was dead so relaxed and found Maria, Annie with her attitude towards men tipped him towards Maria and unknowingly helped cover her lies. _

_He came as a closed package - a rich man with a silent history his confident manner always put people at their ease. He never talked about his past after all admitting you have a twin who could chase you from city to city was not a good idea. Maria married him and stayed with him for three years - that was a bit longer than we had planned. But we were looking at the future without him and needed all investments; businesses started and settled, I would be able to keep them going. Making a fortune was second nature to him always had been and the bit that was missing from me. _

_Being a police officer and no fool Ricardo was our only weak link so Maria played her part to make sure he would not look into Ben's past and Carmen backed her up, no doubt Antonio's need for an outsider brother niggle Ricardo though he seemed to understand it and there was a bonus - Ricardo wanted his own life back now the others were grown up and getting ready to fly the nest. _

_The day of the storm was our time to move, everything was ready we had unsettled Ben so when he found us in the studio making love the shock would send to the boat. You see there are only a few people on boats in the ocean so it was his refuge, also of course no one would have seen what was to happen next. Ironically the storm, which no one knew about, saved him and I nearly lost Maria. But fortune shone and we returned to Seattle to regroup and waited for anther chance. _

_What if storm had not happened - Maria would have played the rape and killing in self defence card then with warm drinks and sympathy he would have gone to sleep never to wake up. The drink would have been drugged and he would have gone to the bottom of the ocean. Tess and I were nearby in a motor launch with chains and weights to stop his body from ever being found and we would have cleaned up the evidence in Ocean Drive and said nothing. Instead that room haunted him. _

_So we pulled back to Franklin Street with my soulmate, we loved each other and had our son. It was destiny looking out for us all making sure we trod the right path so he would finally die unnoticed and you would have your love and I would have mine. Where would you have run to when Tim cheated on you if you had not heard of SB._

_Meg, so many people believed you were wrong for Ben, Annie and Tim just to name two and you were willing to walk away from his love several times and for his part he was not willing to storm in and walk off with you. So you had to be wrong for each other._

_As for the island and the murders, boats are small and if you had all stayed in the house it would have been so easy I could have changed places then, even left his body on the island or left him in the house to be visited later and disposed of. Granted we needed to get rid of Mark and Casey possibly you as well leaving Ben distraught so Maria and Tess with Benjy in tow could come in a few days later claiming loss of memory as an excuse and publicity was the reason for her comeback. If I had not 'got rid' of him on the island before he found you then he would have quietly disappeared afterwards. Instead it was a bit of a mess as I kept tripping over people so I claim self defence, and unknown to me we lost Maria in an accident at Dana's point. Tim was a pain but on the other hand we had the warehouse kidnapping which was very interesting indeed._

_I found you and just how stubborn and secretive my brother could be. I really thought he would have trusted you or someone with the computer codes – guess that's my brother for you, trust no one. _

_Talking about finding things out under drugs, typically my brother was rather proud of you when you whacked me over the head in the cabin. You know that really hurt, and I really loved you, would have given it all up if you had done as I asked. Instead I had to watch as you chose him and then that damn cliff nearly had him the second time but you no doubt helped him up. Found something else out, that the cliff was damn hard and the sea was wet. But as I did not drown I knew I had yet to fulfil my part in our destiny. Oh yes and the other thing that you and he had a connection of sorts and I would have to stay clear of you – shame that._

_I would have thought if you were his soulmate you would have felt how messed up he was as a result of the earthquake but you did not. He was not over the kidnapping in spite of what he told you. He was still worrying over you, thought you and your family might be dead and of course escaping from that room with Tim was not fun. Add to that his memories of Maria's drowning and the fact no one seemed to remember he was alone in the ocean before he was rescued … and yes he was scared. Wouldn't be surprised if coming close to Maria that day added something to he nerves, it would have been interesting if they'd touched but Destiny said No. I do know he needed you like a warm blanket to cuddle up in and go to sleep in and wake up to find nothing was wrong. But all you could think about was your injured father, which was right in a way you had not really flown from his protection as you did later on. _

_Ben knew this so closed down on his need and flew to your father's rescue regardless of flying in a broken helicopter. All in the hope it would help show you and your family how deep his love was. Your father recovered can't say it worked on the rest. Of course the next day he flew the same routes he did when he looked for Maria while trying to find Sara and Casey did not help either, even if you did walk beside him on the sands. Finding them brought it's own tension between him and Casey but like true friends they managed to joke about his 'bad timing' – of course if Casey and Sara had succeeded in cementing their feelings things might have been more difficult later. I would have liked that friendship but it was too dangerous Casey could have sensed something was wrong and would have talked to you about it and you would have acted. _

_Then there was your wedding a right mess thanks to Annie, Tim and Maria of course add to that your father's attitude towards Ben. – Nice - You always had a romantic streak about first loves and wives should be together and there was that niggle that you were suddenly the mistress in a triangle, not the girl friend to a widower anymore. _

_For our part we played on Ben's respect for people especially with Maria being his past love. Her lost memory was a nuisance but things worked out and when Benjy turned up (depending on the DNA) using the child as his own or mine in a rape story, combine that with her guilt from 'killing' me and there was your reason for her absence and an extra pull on his heart strings. We misjudged his deep love for you though; he was only going to standby Maria and Benjy not become that all important family unit we needed for our plan to work. _

_When I came back to Sunset Beach in September 1999 I knew I could not kill you although you would be a danger. I know Ben wrote you a letter so I wrote it's opposite to keep you away by your reaction you only received mine. See Fate/Destiny step in so you didn't get it, mind you I often wondered what happened to it. From his letter you would have know I was a lie and for once he was going to act on his feelings and break the golden rule. He guarded that secret very well but the drugs won in the end. _

_His love for you would have smothered you and you needed to find your true love find that true balance, which you have. In death he is at peace - a peace he could not find while alive. So we pushed him in the direction of Seattle if we could not get him to go we had a house in Sunset Beach not as nice as the one in Seattle - he made the right choice. _

_Don't feel sorry for him, he was the youngest kid to have a key to his own all in one room with bathroom attached, think of it he could watch and do what he wanted in that room. Mum, Dad and I had the rest of the house, they used to visit him for meals and bedtime stories as for going out and about someone was always willing to escort him. Sundays were best when we had a parent each and we would go on treat, you know the kind of thing one week Mum next Dad and occasionally we went on family treats but I made sure they were never too long. He had to know his place that connection he had with me was a real bind. When older we found we could live apart but I still made the rules and he knew he or someone would be punished if they were broken like before he kept within the rules. One rule was not to tell tales to our parents and when it was decided he should live in America while I stayed at home I told him never to return home not even at or after our parent's death. He never did. _

_The separation helped because I was the only one – oh I knew my parents knew he was all right and there was something in place so he knew about them but not the close contact he needed. I loved my parents and ran the firm as they wanted even discussed contacting Ben again. But then they left me, all within 12hours. It hurt that Dad left me like that but it was an virus that affected his heart and could not be helped but Mum told me she could not stay and love me, that I was to find love with my brother; her love for her soulmate was too great. They let her stay beside her dead soulmate and within two hours she had closed her eyes and was gone. I was her son part of her and I promised her I would love Ben and we would be together but she did not stay. _

_If I had been the only one they would not have left me as they did! She would have stayed so I would not be alone!_

_He was to blame so I had to become one to find peace – I did and have. _

_As for him he expects things to be taken away from him so I could not disappoint him. He could not have come back to Sunset Beach he had nothing to come back too. Benjy was not his son; his wife did not love him and his supposed soulmate had been unfaithful. He saw you kiss Casey under South Pier and that shattered him. No it was better for him just to disappear and let life right itself._

_Things might have been different had your parents stayed in Kansas and you stood by him like in the early days, that 'feeling' would have got stronger I saw flashes of it in the cabin but the nail in the coffin was you believing he slept with Maria at the Casita. I was surprised you fell for that considering it was your special place. Did you think so little of my brother that he would do such a thing! _

_That was all a set up done by Tess and Tim could have so easily back fired instead you ran to Casey and Ben saw you not knowing what you had seen. He was so shattered by it all if left alone he might have died 'drowned' in a bottle and memories - not the sea this time - and Maria would have found his body in the morning. - Now that might have made life interesting but not impossible. Oh yes morning not all night as you might have thought that is if you remember._

_Instead Tess heard from Tim that Ben was at the Deep so she pushed Maria to find him. Can you picture it two very confused people, Maria wanting to find something she had lost (or muddled memories from our love who knows) and he deep in this black hole where he had been once before but this time you had put him there so no one was going to pull him out. Somewhere though he grabbed on to a lifeline and oh what a life line. Goodness knows what memories Maria actually had at the time she has never spoken to me about that morning. Perhaps she is too embarrassed by the fact he did not want her - she had to push him over the top to have him._

_When he came to his senses it was you he was worried and felt guilty about not Maria he knew deep down she had used him as much as he had used her. But before he could pull himself together and do something about it you walked in on them and refused to listen to his plea to explain. I wonder what would have happened if you heard his story – love and hugs and the up and down ride of so called love would have continued. But you refused to listen and because of who he was he respected your wishes - to be left alone. _

_Of course you gave him a glimmer of hope when he saw you before he went to Seattle and you said you were not with Casey. Meg, if you were really meant to be with Ben you would have gone with him to Seattle, after all there was nothing to stop you. _

_Did you even realise he was in pain every time you voiced the thought 'he should be with Maria' in words or actions - all he ever wanted was to be with you and have you stand by him as he gave Maria back her life and bring some stability to Benjy's, after that he would have been free to love you totally as he wanted to as he needed too. _

_Granted there would always have been the link with Benjy, it niggled you didn't it that he should have a son by someone else. For him it was the thrill of finding out he was a father and then the guilt of missing those early years and trying to bond with the child. We knew commonsense would come later, in fact his letter to you would have proved it and it was time for Benjy's real father to bond with him again I really missed my son. _

_Tess, well she was my partner I used to say she had a heart of dollars but she also liked Maria and Benjy. I was surprised she loved Tim, Abby was my gift to her - she deserved it, of course there may be the odd bonus as well but that will be done very carefully. Tim found out bits and pieces regarding Tess but was happy with her cover story and attention once he realised you would not come back to him - he loves Tess completely. _

_Benjy's kidnapping well that was Tess's attempt, Benjy knew the guy and went willingly so no kidnapping. He took the money and disappeared because I would have skinned him alive having put Benjy in danger, that was good timing on Ben's part of course if Ben had been badly hurt I could have tried the hospital gag again. Instead when the time was right I went along with Tess's cover story and gave them a start in life. I will say this for the man he is he's making a go of it - just goes to prove there is good in all of us._

_In all partnerships you keep mementos so when I bought a gun for Tess to keep her safe while 'working' I kept the certificate along with bullets etc also details of a sapphire and diamond watch. Even now she keeps it in her jewellery box says it's got fond memories for her. She believes I got it out of pawn for her, truth, it was my way into her trust and helped cement our relationship, if she really thought about it she would know that police and pawn shops go together, need I say more._

_Your watch feels so right on my wrist as for the ring you gave Ben I needed something that was special to him; he was after all part of me once. Funny thing is Maria has never commented on this fact but then she knows our love is greater than anything else put together and we have our children to celebrate this love - what more can I ask for._

_Seeing Samantha born was really wonderful even better than seeing Benjy born perhaps it is because she is a daughter – what is it they say a son for the mother and a daughter for the father - I love Benjy just as much as I will love Samantha as she grows up there is that boy father bonding as well. _

_What of my brother well I can only say after the days I was with him he did not exist – I was tempted to tell him the truth about Maria and myself but I realised that would make him very dangerous because he would know he had married you. Instead I told him that on the night of the storm Maria wanted him out of her life that she helped plan everything. Told him Benjy was mine and that the four of us planned to return to Sunset Beach when he was talking and past the potty stage in life. We have doctors screaming he was younger than he was, luckily he's a bright kid and would bond or not with whomever Tess or Maria told him to, that was why he didn't bond with you._

_I also explained about Maria's back up plan for the day of the storm if things went wrong in a different way. She had already rung Ricardo to say Ben's moods frightened her, well he was suffering from really mind blowing headaches she would add on blackouts with loss of memory, even illusions leading to drugs or a possible stay in Cedar Oaks. Maria would have been in charge of 'Ben' legal etc details as he was for her when she had no memory it would have lead to his quiet disappearance and my reappearance. Instead he had guilt nightmares and a whole lot of confusion. _

_You know he never fully trusted Tess and even wondered about Maria and Benjy in spite of Ricardo's checks, which were good. He was waiting for the mistake to show itself, and it was coming because Sara overheard Tess and Tim talking about that million dollars, and Sara being Sara gave my brother that extra push into action of course irony was that Maria's dodgy memories did not help us, so dear old Ben nearly caught us out in Seattle but we covered well enough._

_That's one thing about Ben he was willing to wait, your father on the other hand wanted everything cut and dried and as soon as possible preferably to his liking - as you found out. I thought being a farmer he would have understood Ben, but he never really got that close to him. Goodness knows what would have happened if those two had really talked. Instead we stole Ben's heart with Benjy and your father's comes to that. But that is okay the boy needs an uncle or grandfather figure. _

_Just as well Ben was in chains and his guardians with him when I explained it all to him pain and anger were an understatement but he had a right to know, give him peace of mind he was not leaving a son behind. Like later on when I showed him your future by altering Sara and Casey's engagement photo and article, he needed to know you were happy and loved and that Sara was also happy with it. It was good timing otherwise I would have had to make something up, you never did really settle till you walked away from your family. Maria is very good altering photos etc but trying to invent Bette's column would have been difficult and if he had sensed a fake he would have been troublesome as it was the guardians managed him very well. We added our family photos and others showing how happy we were and that no one missed him. - Well that bit was true._

_Of course he never knew about Carmen working in the back ground making sure he never fully recovered from Maria's loss by always insisting Maria was alive. Of course her family's transformation was well planned thought out Antonio was always destined for the Church and she never wanted Ricardo to get the friendship he had with Ben back so she stirred it with the woman he thought he loved especially Gabi but she had a troubled start anyway. Of course Carmen's skill with the cards came in very useful that's how we and you found out about the island and set that little train of events in action. _

_I'm glad Gabi and Ricardo finally found love and a family he really deserved it though I don't think Carmen will ever believe it. _

_So as you look back on your life you will realise we are as we should be - my brother at peace while we fulfil our destiny by having the love and life we should have. _

_I wonder can a leopard change its spots or does it only hide in the undergrowth waiting for the right time? _

_(it was signed) Derek Benjamin John Evans_

As Meg finished reading her mind was in turmoil and hurting, Derek sounded so self congratulating - that he had the right to do what he did, and without realising it she exclaimed. "How dare they plan to hurt John like **that.** She pretended to love him and married him!"

She stopped because she felt a hand on her arm and she realised she had spoken out loud, it was Mandy's hand giving her a tissue, which she took and wiped her eyes. She was still so cross and yet a glimmer of understanding that Derek had been ill and had changed even given love and had been betrayed her tumbled through her thoughts of what he'd done…

They were stopped by Mandy's gentle words. "Tess and Maria or Carmen could have … should have stopped all this in Seattle before John came to Sunset Beach, I have no doubt Maria saw Derek's hurt and used it. I'm sorry Derek never truly recovered from the loss of your parents."

Meg looked at John who was looking at her because of her exclamation and saw his eyes were dark and his expression so closed down, she suddenly flashed back to Ocean Drive and a smoke filed bedroom as he stood calmly waiting for the smoke and flames from the bed he had just set light to take him and end his pain. He blinked and gave an almost silent sigh and she saw the look that had greeted her as he opened the door to her the next day when she had returned Maria's white dress and saw the look of a man who realised that she would not give up and he was hanging on and given time would come back to them.

She wanted go to him but he got up without a word and in a slow awkward walk walked away from towards the front of the apartment to where it looked out onto the paddock and she knew she was hurting too much and couldn't trust anyone any more. Starting to get up she felt Mandy's hand on her arm to stop her and knew Derek was right she was partly to blame she'd walked away from him and everyone he trusted had left him or harmed him and words spoken wouldn't mean anything at the moment.

Then she smiled he was not alone Shep was coming up behind him with his tail slowly wagging and everyone held their breaths as John stumbled slightly and she prayed he would not zone out on them because she doubted even she could bring back this time. But he didn't he managed to find one of the chairs that had been left near the passageway and sat down. Put his head in his hands and then slowly started to run them through his hair, reminding her of her unconscious actions when in trouble. She watched as Shep took advantage of the situation and sat at his Master's knees and put his head on his lap. John's hand automatically came down to Shep's head and he started to smooth it and his neck while looking out into the distance possibly at the horses which included Sandy running round the paddock.

Meg felt everyone start to breath again and heard Mandy's very very quiet "We'll leave them if that's all right Bob, talk next door, the letter tells everything and hurtfully. Meg go to him in a while and then try and rest Jackie and Simon will stay."

She nodded and let the movement of the others go on around her trying to come to terms with everything and how her soulmate must be feeling.

oxoxo

The others had gone in a matter of minutes and their two hawks stayed watching while quietly pottering about tidying that end of the room. Meg eased herself into a more comfortable position as she felt her son get getting fidgety and smiled in spite of her thoughts. She saw John sit up slightly and Shep raise himself so his paws rested on John's lap and he slightly tilted his head andcome into him for a cuddle, she'd seen it before but this time instead of John just stroking Shep's back, John rested his head against Shep and then stroked the fur on his back.

After a while there was a gentle rumbling bark and Shep slowly slid down and John sat up properly, Shep then stood and barked and looked at the door. Meg watched knowing that Shep could open the door but it looked at if he wanted to make sure his Master was all right and she waited for John to give the command instead he got up and pressed the button to let Shep out and then walked towards the window.

Meg got up and realised John would not join Shep as the horses were being rounded up for rides and he most probably still didn't want to be around people. She walked over to him and stood beside him ready for and understanding his rejection, instead she felt his arm slide round her shoulders. So silently she snuggled into him knowing that words were not wanted – they could only hurt or sound false - it was the quiet understanding he needed now.

They watched the horses being lead out of the paddock and Shep fussing round the fence posts making sure it was the right one he went to before turning back towards the apartment and looking at them barked to be let in.

She heard John's gentle laugh and felt his hand slid down her arm to release her and then felt his hand grip hers, not hard just a touch to say he didn't want to lose her touch so she walked with him to let Shep in.

Shep bustled in, in his usual manner then went over to his place by the fire, with John beside her they walked towards the sleeping area as they drew level with the lounge area she heard John's gentle. "Music?"

"Countryside I think." She said surprised by the love she could hear in his voice in that one word, she'd expected the hurt to show through.

He looked at her for the moment then said gently. "You can stay here if you want to; Jack and Robert will do it all."

She looked at him, realising he was doing what he always did, put others ... her concerns before his own and gave a slight smile and hoping he would understand her meaning said truthfully. "No I want to go and we both need this closure. To see and make sure everything is all right for both families."

His slow smile that always flipped her heart came with a gentle nod showing her he fully understood and then he said gently. "I'm sorry he hurt you like that."

She could not quite understand what he meant, after all it was he who was really hurt not her, her puzzlement must have showed because he said in that caring voice he had. "Derek turning everything round as though it was destiny and your fault not his or theirs, it was not your fault there was so much smoke around neither of us could see things properly. But he's right in one thing in the other letter to you, I have found my soulmate and it is two way and always will be."

She realised he knew the tone of the letter she'd read silently and said gently wanting to take the pain away somehow. "They should never have hurt you or betrayed you. What she did took something very precious away from you."

"You gave it back to me and now we will have a son." He said softly and gently tilted her head so they could kiss. Nothing frantic just a loving reassuring kiss between two people who know they love and will love each other always.

Then they broke apart so they could find the music and went the bathroom before back to the sleeping area. There they made themselves comfortable laying beside each other her hand resting over his as it lay gently on their son who was as usual fidgeting before settling down. With a quiet comment from him, which made Meg smile they listened to the music and gradually fell asleep.


	55. Chapter 55

**Chapter 55 **

Meg woke with a start, quietly swearing as she scrambled to get up, quickly realising at the same time she was alone, that even Shep had left her.

But not quite alone, because there was a gentle laugh and call of "All right?" from the lounge area.

Getting off the bed she called back, without thinking through her words. "Yes, I just wish John would stop waking me by kicking or sitting on my kidneys."

Grinning Val got up from the sofa where she had been reading and said. "That would be difficult as he's outside."

Meg chuckled, realising she had still been thinking about the dream her son had rudely interrupted, which had been induced by her soulmate's gently whisper "Okay, 'baby John' it is then" just before they'd drifted into sleep. This was the name they'd always came back to, the other one was Robert, knowing their friend would not mind which way round they used the names. She stretched a bit as she made her way to the bathroom hoping baby John would settle down or life was _really_ going to be interesting over the next few days ….

Her thoughts were stopped by Jackie's exclamation. "Boy! am I glad you didn't stick with Zebedee." She'd just come in from the garden area and heard their conversation.

Meg looked at her and said with a cheeky smile "It was that or fidget."

Jackie looked at Val who was grinning, then back at Meg and exclaimed slowly as the penny finally dropped. "**He** got me didn't he?"

Meg nodded while rubbing her back and explained with real feeling. "You must admit the name would have suited him, bouncing around my tummy as he is … Okay okay I'm going … bossy and he's not even born yet!" she tutted and disappeared into the bathroom, to her friends' gentle laughter behind her.

As soon she came out the bathroom Jackie's gentle cough for attention made her look over to the kitchen area. She had to smile as Jackie stood looking very prim and proper and Val was looking very innocently not too far away, 'Yep they were going to gang up on her.' she thought. So she silently waited as Jackie took a deep breath and then started. "Right … I have to get this correct."

Val gave a giggle and Jackie gave her a look of disgust before starting again. "I have a message … only I can't give it in the same tone as I'm not your husband … John is, and his exact words were …'He would like to see his wife in the sunken garden when she woke up' … Only it did not sound like a command rather a request. If you see what I mean." She added with a cheeky smile.

Val and Meg dissolve into laughter; Jackie shook her head at them and then carried on. "He is a bit moody, which is not surprising considering he's found out what he thought was love wasn't. He's chatted to Robert and Jack and now is concentrating on today and you, Meg. Simon and I will with the others help him through tomorrow and the next day. So you do what you have to … no … you do what you want to do."

Meg nodded understanding the support she was giving her as Jackie quickly added softening her voice to that of a friend to take away the bossy nature of her words. "If you tell me what you need to take then I can lay them out to pack. Food will be in about ten minutes and we will eat as a family here, the others are eating at the hotel. And you need to email Sara to tell them you will be there tomorrow at the funeral not and before hand."

As Jackie's words sunk in Meg realised just how late it was getting, and they were in fact going tonight so she could rest and they could see Jude early, and decided saying. "I'll do mail to Sara when I've seen John. You know where everything is … usual stuff for two nights, my black jacket and dress and something else not too bright to go and come back in. Some reading matter I suppose. Oh nibbles in case I need them."

Jackie smiled knowing the emotional up down she must be feeling; they all were to some extent and confirmed. "Yes that's what I thought we can fling it in the case as you check them. John did say he wanted to go into town with you before you left. Simon is getting the carriage ready, he'll take the case out to the coach and we'll meet you in the quiet car park later. You need a handset I think Bob might go into the hotel to eat with the others."

"Thanks." Meg called out as she grabbed a handset set off the table near the door and went to find John knowing 'moody' covered a lot of things and no doubt one of them would be closing down to make sure she was okay. She sighed while pondering, her feelings about Derek, was a mixture of anger and sadness. Okay, he was evil and the knife twisting in that letter hurt, especially as she and Ben wanted him to be happy and he loved the kids. No, her real anger was at Tess for doing it and Maria for being so darn evil and twisted and yet so innocent during her memory loss that she liked her … felt sorry for her. Then there was her own twinge of guilt, because she was glad the secret would be out and they could live as themselves Ben and Meg. …

Her thoughts stopped as she spotted John sitting on the bench and Shep was sitting resting his head on his master's knees … they looked good. She automatically hunted for Bob knowing he wouldn't leave John on his own as there was still a possibility of him zoning out. She sighed as she saw him crouching down by the base of the small waterfall it was way too tempting so called out. "Going for a swim?"

They turned towards her; Bob smiled as he got up and walking towards her explained. "No, thought I saw a frog. I'll pop and see the others as you are here."

She smiled and idly wondered if Bob had used it as a distraction for John's moods and said. "Okay, Jackie said our food will be ready soon I assume you'll be eating with Mandy."

"Yes then I'll come over after everyone has left and sleep in the spare room downstairs to keep an eye on him for you." He said gently to reassure her, knowing this was not easy on either of them.

Meg smiled and nodded and watched as Bob went on his way then sat beside John who had been silently watching them but looked as though he was still miles away and said with a hint of a tease in her voice. "You asked for you wife my lord." Getting a gentle laugh from him she carried on with a smile."I let slip about baby John's name, which made Jackie happy." And felt his arm come round her shoulders and was hugged into an embrace, which ended in a loving kiss. When they broke it she said gently. "You were miles away just now."

He nodded and said softly. "Memories and writing the alternative ending … the one you might have liked but could never be." she smiled as he went on. "That they went to Canada and eventually to the National Park while you and the others were there on holiday. Time is immaterial only that you and he talked and he understood and came back. They lived across the valley and we rode over every other weekend for a meal and lived happily ever after."

Yes, she knew that one and said gently "That would have been nice … but there is a 'but' in your voice." And felt a very gentle kiss on the top of her head, she resisted the temptation to look up at him and let him carry on knowing this was giving them both closure.

The gentleness of his next words told her he'd read his brother's letter. "I'm sorry he felt the need to hurt you like that …I wonder if he would have got rid of it … his other letter felt as though he might have. I suppose it proves his words, that leopards can't change their spots they do just lurk in the undergrowth … mind you, he could have been talking about any of them.

He paused for a second then added. "It would be interesting to know when he asked for his estate to be frozen and published after death." He gave a sigh, then carried on. "Mandy's right he was too hurt, first by my living and then by my parents death for any true recovery. His other ego would have risen again as soon as he was rejected by someone he loved.

Maria's betrayal would have started the rot, no matter how well he was coping and then it would have only taken an innocent rejection from Benjy or cries from Samantha for her mother to add to it. Then of course there was Tim and Abby at the Motel. … Goodness knows what might have happened there if things started to go wrong or he felt threatened." He sighed again and admitted. "As bad as it feels, he has given and received love and is at peace now. … He was so scared for the children …he was not alone, because I was with him. They will be safe … and she … they will face justice."

Meg looked at him hearing and seeing his sadness along with acceptance and wondered if she was mirroring those feelings. She felt her love for him do a flip as he smiled, it was not a big one just a hint of one that it told her he was okay as he continued. "He was wrong Mum never wanted to leave him… she was ill with the same virus as Dad, that's why the nurses let her stay by his body – Derek knew that but could not accept it. The hospital nurse that stayed with them was our solicitor's daughter, she wrote to me so I would know the truth."

Meg put a hand on his arm knowing that was all he needed as he carried on gently. "He was right choosing you to be our avenging angel, and your love is two way always will be." He gave a gentle sigh and covered her hand with his then admitted. "The truth is our dream was coming to an end, I could not let your family live a lie when they came here so Jack was going to go to Sunset Beach and explain everything. Of course, we didn't know Maria's part in this and she no doubt would have thought up a story of infatuation and would have kept the children and I would have given her an allowance. The most important thing to me was that you had your family close should anything have happened to me, we knew there was a link between Derek and myself but didn't know what would happen if Derek flipped or killed himself when the truth about me came out.

I now know if Jack had gone in the very beginning and I'd been put in Maria's care I would have died also I would not have survived if Derek had died before I met you again. When I collapsed I trusted Simon to care for me, but it was your voice and touch as well as feeling our baby that kept me here." He finished gently.

As his words sunk in Meg felt amazed that he should care so much for her and she'd really kept him here. She knew their love had grown deeper since they were reunited and could not find any words to say, so gently rested against him knowing he would understand and felt his body accept hers.

After a moment she felt his body shift slightly so they could look at each other again and as he spoke, his tone was different. His first word told her why. "Her part in all this is going to take some getting over, but I will … you have to trust me on this."

She nodded knowing that subject was closed, which was confirmed by his next words. "We've had a council of war, they will fill you in on the plane, it will be about a two hour flight, then you rest in the hotel. Robert might have to fly on to Seattle because the Judge he wanted is out fishing and will not be back till late."

Meg could not help chuckling Robert already felt like a yoyo if he had to go to Seattle and then back tomorrow for the funeral, he really would not know whether he was coming or going.

John got up and helped her up though she did not really need it, then gently held on to his hand and rested it lightly on her baby bump. As if in answer to her silent request he let his arm rest lightly round her waist so they stood side by side for a moment. She casually looked round quickly to see if the wheelchair was nearby ... as it was not she assumed Bob had okayed his walking back to the apartment. And from the fact he had not tried to move on, she knew he just wanted to stand and talk.

Their comfortable moment of silence was broken by his gentle. "You can still back out I won't feel bad about it."

She shook her head to confirm her words, which were gently assertive. "No, I want to do it, but it's for all the whole family. And, I would have done it had you not survived and I had found someone new."

John nodded his understanding then said, "Tell Casey about the mess up here … give him and your father the choice of staying put and visiting us for the birth of our son and future holidays."

She could see he meant it and he was right everything had changed now and answered. "Yes, but Sara wanted out earlier so I don't think she will stay, and Casey will want to see you, you know that." then added with a smile "I might bring a plane load back."

He gave a hint of a smile that softened the warning. "Don't be cross if they all stay. They have a lot to sort out and get used to, and Hank will be hurt and angry at me as well as Derek and the others."

Meg sighed realising he could see all the negative things building up especially regarding her father and this was not the time to argue it out. "No I won't. There is one thing though." He looked at her and she carried on a bit hesitantly. "I would like know…"

He knew what it was and interrupted her gently. "I've told Jack he can tell … show you everything but, don't be upset by it. I survived and we found each other those are the important things. What I need to know is that you and the baby will be safe."

She wondered how he knew what she was thinking and heard his gentle plea and said gently. "Baby John will be safe and the truth about your injuries can't hurt me because I have you."

He smiled and gently brushed back a wayward strand of her hair from her face as he said casually. "After we've eaten I would like to take you into town there's a shop staying open for us. … I got a message while you were sleeping to say that the rings I ordered are ready."

Puzzled she looked at him and he carried on a bit sheepishly. "I knew you could not really be my wife but I wanted you to wear my ring and I saw something that I thought could be a compromise. I know your finger size we've allowed a little extra so they should fit." He looked deep into her eyes and she started to feel herself go all gooey inside as he finished. "Would you let me give them to you now and you wear them tomorrow … go as my wife though they will not know the truth till after of course."

That warm loved feeling washed over her as she said lovingly. "Yes I will and to think we've missed our anniversaries."

He said with a chuckle "This one's going to be soo special with sleepless nights, baby crying, dirty diapers and the in-laws."

She laughed and kissed him and they walked back to the apartment.

oxoxo

Checking her computer Meg found she had mail from Sara

**Hi Sis**

**Dad is pissed off with lawyers. He thought he was a hair's width to getting Tim out on bail then suddenly everything changed. Not only is Tim still in jail but also no visitors AT HIS REQUEST.**

**I ask you what on earth is happening! – Thought you paid lawyers to get you out not keep you in!**

**Family fine otherwise – sad, confused, - babies giggling and happy. **

**In a strange way I wish tomorrow was over and yet I don't want to say goodbye so soon – I suppose I still hope I will wake up and find it's a dream but I know I'm awake. As I say confused. **

**Looking forward to seeing you - Dad says he will put you up if you are coming tonight. Mind you we would too but I think you might like some peace and quiet. **

**Mum said send you a hug. Hey make that four and two giggles from the kids as they can not hug yet.**

**Oh yes the man about the shop says he'll see us in the morning the day after tomorrow, said we needed the time to mourn and he's an outsider. Hopefully you might be able to see him – that is if you stay that long. Don't blame you if you don't.**

**Love you always.**

**Sara.**

Meg sighed at least they knew Tim was safe, and her dad would definitely be more than pissed off tomorrow. She felt a hand on her shoulder and knew it was John's giving her support when it should be the other way round, but that had always been his way and always would be. She clicked on Reply.

**Hi Sis**

**Thanks for the hugs have some back, giggles well I'll look forward to hearing them when I see them. **

**Perhaps Tim just needs some time to himself – sort things out - You know Jude will make sure he is treated well. **

**Tell Dad thanks for his offer of a bed but I will see you all at the funeral I'll be bringing Jack and Mandy with me. We'll discuss about the shop later. **

**So till tomorrow with love to you all.**

**Meg**

She sent the mail off and closed down her laptop, deciding she would take it just in case she could not phone back or just felt the need to write knowing John would pick it up in his own time.

To her surprise she found the meal enjoyable as everyone chatted and laughed about nothing important and while the others cleared up she and John packed. Simon took her luggage out to the coach as promised and a few minutes later made an entrance through the main apartment door announcing with a mock bow that the carriage was waiting, grinning and humming the wedding march as he handed her and then John into the carriage, before driving to the jewellers.

oxoxo

In town the jeweller checked that everything was ready; he would not be insulted by John's quick in and out knowing he didn't like busy or small shops. A smile of anticipation crossed his face, like many others in the town he had come to respect their quiet stranger and now his lady. Had silently watched the love that had grown over the months with a family protectiveness which meant nothing was said and tonight would not be talked about not even to his wife no matter how many questions she asked.

He heard the carriage draw up outside and opened to door to let the couple in. With a smile and 'good evening' he guided them over to the table. On it sat a small blue box in which was a beautiful diamond ring. Silently he let the couple look at the ring for a moment then carefully took it out and handed it to John as he did so Meg realised it was in fact two rings.

The engagement ring was delicate and beautiful; a single diamond nestled snugly in a golden heart, the band of gold ran from the top of the heart allowing the bottom of the heart to clip into the wider band of gold, the wedding ring. The delicate pattern on the rings made it look as though the rings were woven together.

She looked at it in amazement it was so delicate and yet so strong, John gently put them on her wedding finger they fitted nicely and felt as though they belonged. She looked up and him and smiled knowing their secret had to be kept for at least another day. "They are so beautiful. Thank you."

"Just like you."

She laughed and then said, "You need one my gift to you." he gave a gentle laugh and nodded his acceptance.

Though they looked at many they came back to a plain band of gold with a raised middle band. She slipped it on his finger and looking at both sets of rings on their fingers knew they were complete now.

Silently they finished the transactions and signing name on the cheque for his ring she realised it could be the last time, next time she would use her new name and smiled.

The jeweller smiled as the coupled left mulling over the stories that would run round their friends in the days to come as her ring would be noticed before his.

oxoxo

As soon as Simon heard the shop door open he put away his book and jumped down so he could get first glance of the ring. He admired and hugged Meg gently commenting how happy they looked then helped them up into the carriage giving a knowing smile to John who tutted him with a grin. He drove on in silence letting the couple enjoy their last time together.

After a while Meg asked the question she had been meaning to and yet been walking away from. "When are you going to tell everyone here?"

"While you are in Sunset Beach." He said softly but firmly.

She felt a little let down she wanted them to do it together when she got back but in that moment she realised it could be difficult with her family's sudden arrival and he would still be mourning his brother. "But …"

John interrupted her gently but firmly. "Jack promised Bill he would have my story first and he deserves it. Once the funeral is stopped the press and tv will be all over it and more than State wide because it involves Seattle and because it is unusual. So, I'll tell Bill and he can get in touch with Vanessa then they can coordinate the stories, sort of one from each side of the mountains. I'll be all right Simon and Jackie will be with me and I expect I'll have Tony and the bank manger along as well. Tell it once and then hide."

She had to smile at the last remark because he had said it with a smile and wondered if that was nerves and said gently. "Everyone will understand, they were worried when they knew you collapsed."

He frowned slightly knowing from the past people could feel hurt so easily when deceived even for the best of reasons. "Umm, I know deep down it will be all right after all they know I have a hidden past … just not been able to remember and it's not as if I've gone out to make trouble or friends. Been too busy recovering." He gave a chuckle as he carried on. "The romantics around will like the way you found me though."

Then he became more serious. "I've got to see a man first thing in the morning about the blacksmiths behind the stables he's also looking at a house in the area perhaps I should put him off for the moment after all it's going to be difficult seeing him as John Smith then sign forms as Ben Evans." then added with a sigh "Come to that I've got to remember who I am as well."

She joined in with his laugh knowing it was true for her and glad he could talk about it, if it had happened when they first found each other he would have brooded for hours and as for the volcano ... she felt a gentle kiss on her head and tucked into him.

oxoxo

All too quickly they were turning into the nearly empty car park. In the main part of the town there would still be things open and a bustle of people but here it was that sleepy time when the shops had closed, workers gone home and the evening restaurants had yet to open.

They stopped next to the coach and Jack was the first one to help her down, she felt as though she was a late arrival at a school outing as everyone was standing around waiting rather than sitting in the coach and wondered for a second if there would be a rush for the back seat.

Jack's words stopped her thoughts and brought a smile. "Come on then young lady show them off."

Everyone looked and admired them then all too quickly it was time for hugs and handshakes and as Robert shook John's hand, John kept hold and asked for 'shh' everyone looked at him, he smiled and said "As you know Meg and I have been trying to find names for our son, we've always come back to John and Robert, John after our fathers and Robert after the friend who has been willing to help and protect us."

Robert beamed with pride and said. "Two Roberts would have been difficult and I was rotten growing up. Ironically if I could have had a son his name would have been John after my father so the poor kid will have a lot to take on."

The others smiled and chatted as they broke up to get on the coach leaving Meg and John together.

As she broke from their goodbye kiss she said gentle so only he could hear. "That was for John Smith the next one will be for Ben Evans."

She saw him smile and a loving shiver went down her spine as he softly said. "Ring tonight to say goodnight." adding with a heartfelt sigh "That is if Bob will let me stay awake … I think he's going to be worse than his sister or Jackie."

Meg laughed and left to get on the coach pleased he could joke knowing he felt this parting as hard as she did. She found a window seat had been left for her so she watched him as they left the car park. As she looked out she smiled at the picture, Simon and Jackie were either side of him with Shep sitting by his feet and Sandy waiting patiently nearby; they waved and watched till they were out of sight.

oxoxo

In the coach Meg settled down silently watching the scenery while her mind ran over the changes the last two days would bring. In spite of flashes of panic because things were now uncertain she smiled as she thought about having her family and the twins so close. They would all stay at the Lodge, which was rarely full as they kept a suite available for Robert and Mat, but a late cancellation of a family party meant it would be empty ... just right for the crowd that would be coming back. She shivered and sighed as she thought they might not want to return with her and wondered what she would do. She could not stand that thought and turned to Tyus and asked cheekily. "How?"

Tyus laughed guessing the rest of the question, with a quick glance at his wife and answered a bit sheepishly. "Got lost the first day I arrived at the new hospital."

His wife chuckled and added, "To be fair we knew a new unattached consultant was coming so us single lasses were on the look out. I was lucky, he came round my corner not too fast but very confused. …. Needless to say I took him the scenic route to the office he was looking for."

"Yes totally confused by the end of it." He smiled as he carried on. "Just as well the boss was soo understanding."

His wife flashed her dark eyes at him at the private reference and said tantalizing. "He had told me where to wait and to show you to the canteen adding that there was no hurry."

Tyus said softly as though thinking back was a serious business. "You know I don't think I really saw the canteen till I went back there for evening meal with the boss. Of course, I should add that the boss is now an uncle-in-law if there is such a thing." With a smile he diverted their attention by asking. "We know Meg's story so how about yours Jack?"

There was a chuckle from the driver, who Meg recognised as Jack's partner and knew if Jack did not tell he would. Mandy chuckled while Jack sighed with a smile and said. "Yeah well with those two around you need the official version." There was a snort from the driver to which Jack said with an innocent voice. "Wait till we get round to yours, the drive is just long enough. …Okay, late one night, when all young ladies should be tucked up in bed we get a 911 call from a young lady locked out of her home. So being brave lads they are, they chuck the rookie and his partner out to help her. … I should point out that my partner had been a rookie only the month before so was that little bit wiser than the new rookie. So we roll up in this nice new police car and we find this beautiful lady standing outside this huge house … millions of windows and you've guessed it not one on the ground floor open and a dog inside named Sweetiepie …" Above the giggles he sighed "Yeah … damn great big thing with fangs….. …

oxoxo

Watching the clouds go by as they flew into the dusk and evening Meg smiled remembering the pilot's and Roberts' gentle teasing as everyone trooped on board, as usual it was about where the coffee was and belting up, which Robert had thought he trumpeted by reminding him who was the boss only to have the 'belt up' sign flash up as soon as the pilot gone into the cabin.

Her thoughts came back to the present as Jack took out a file and handed it to Tyus with the comment. "It's John's story Tyus, Meg knows but not seen the pictures. John thought it was best if she saw them before the funeral. I would like to know whether we use this at the funeral so Hank could not hide behind half truths or spoken words. But first I think we should run through our plan to get the truth into the open."

Tyus nodded and everyone settled down, Robert who'd been quietly talking into the phone disconnected then flicked a switch on the handset so he could talk to the pilot and said "I need you to make a flight plan for Seattle as soon as we land with a return to Sunset sometime tomorrow morning before half twelve. … …. Yes well if you don't like it you can get out now and let your brother do the extra work." He teased putting the phone down before the pilot could answer back and said with a heartfelt sigh. "Yoyo was definitely not the right word!"

Jack smiled and said sympathetically "Judge not back yet."

"Nope, should be in half an hour but by then the day shift will have left and they are not going to pull everyone back for a night search and on top of that there is a raid that might go down so that could clog up the works. Soo, it looks like an early morning job and for that he will need some paper proof for the sleepy officers to read. … I'll take the photo copies of Derek's statement and go over to the Chapel and get their records and frighten them into silence. According to their web page the day after tomorrow they will have 20 years of photos up."

"Could have been difficult if it had been today" Mandy commented.

Jack nodded as Robert replied. "Yes we would have had to try and pull the plug quick especially if the photo was there. Of course there is a chance that Derek was just twisting the knife for Meg but I don't think so."

Mandy said gently. "No by that time he was too scared or desperate to lie he need Meg's support. So while you get Franklin Street searched and the Chapel information confirmed we sleep, breakfast and wait."

Robert raised his eyes to the ceiling, Jack smiled and said. "Sort of but not quite, Robert asked AJ for the use of Lib Corp's suite for any extras coming with Meg so Tyus and his wife can use that the rest can use Robert's suite. Luckily they are on the same floor and Tony needs to be with us because of the evidence in the case. We have the use of two cars with tinted windows so our arrival will not be too obvious, before you ask Bette will not know about this, though I think she would respect our privacy if she did."

He paused for breath then added. "In the morning rather than have us all in the hotel room waiting I was thinking Mandy could team up with Tyus and his wife say we met at the airport and anyone asking about Meg can be told she's having personal time and we are seeing Tim. They will not be surprised if I'm with Meg as they all know I'm a retired traffic cop so know the law. We've got several flight times for the day after tomorrow starting at one o'clock so that should cover our exit. Mat will meet us at the airport or hotel he will have similar flight plans in case we need two planes."

They all nodded their agreement as he carried on. "Right details for the morning, I'll ring the lawyer and tell him to meet us at the police station about 9 am by that time something should be starting to come through from Seattle. Robert can ring me regarding fax or email address for Jude and I'll introduce myself with id and Tony here will be with us and show him the papers, the fact they've been with him all the time should help when it goes to court.

Hopefully we will get a proper statement from Tim as to what actually happened at Ocean Drive and we might even get the lawyer to co-operate with us and keep Tim in protective custody while we go to the PO Box and get that checked out. Meg can be resting while we are gadding about because we might possibly put the wind up Ross English when he finds out he's up on a murder charge. Finally we hope to stop the funeral before Antonio has to make a statement. The children will have said their goodbyes and will be in the crèche hopefully a police officer will be with them so they will be safe."

Meg felt a shiver of excitement go through her, which brought a puzzled smile from Jack so she said. "Is it wrong to feel excited by it?"

He smiled "No, its better than being afraid, and you will feel satisfied if everything works out right. Bit like how we feel about our work, but this time it's more personal. But you might find the waiting a bit frustrating."

Robert gave a gentle laugh. "Yes especially if you have to wait in your room or the police station and not go out while things are being done."

Meg sighed she had forgotten that the last thing she needed was to bump into the wrong people, such as her family or Maria's or anyone come to that, and rubbed her fingers gently against her ring and asked. "What name do I use?"

Robert, Mandy and Jack looked at each other but Jack answered after a moment. "Well you don't want to lie out right to Jude, perhaps you should answer to Meg Cummings and I'll tell him you are Ben's representative, if he sees your ring he might feel too embarrassed to ask about your new husband having to deal with you dead husband … if you see what I mean. You have to remember you've only known about this since Robert came today. If I remember Jude never knew Ben." Meg nodded realising Jude would be angry. "As for your husband's name still keep to John he's still in the programme as John and its natural not to say surnames. I know you'll not take your rings off so cover with your hand if you want to. Missed anything?" He asked looking around; they shook their heads and smiled as he added. "And keep you wits about you."

"What about Tim and Abby?" Meg asked.

Mandy answered. "Well Tim will be shocked about Tess's part in this as for Abby. Well the mother is the guilty party and Derek asked Tim to look after her, so I think that will hold some weight in court." She looked at Tony, who nodded and said thoughtfully. "I could ask a family judge in the morning mention no names."

Robert and Jack shook their heads and Jack added. "No we need you at the station and you might mention a fact that would start questions also we don't want you to lie. You could think about any old cases perhaps check them on the computer, you are our proof that the evidence has not been forged by us, so you will sleep on the sofa and you've not been out of our sight during the day. Mind you we could be said to be prejudiced parties but we'll cross that bridge as we come to it."

Tony smiled and said quietly. "I could put it in the hotel safe or is there one in your room Robert."

"Yes in both and the manager has the combination so he could see it go in and come out without knowing what or why, he is very good at not saying anything to people."

"Okay we will do that." Jack said and was quiet for a moment then asked. "Anything Meg?"

Meg thought for a moment then remembered. "Yes John wanted to know when Derek put the addition to the Will on, I could ask Charles to bring my pearls to the funeral and drop it into the conversation."

Jack looked at his watch checking the time. "Okay try not to say when you are flying in though."

Meg nodded said as she looked for her phone. "I could say I need to rest, he will understand and accept me wanting memory time away from the family. They were close. … It's muddling thinking of Derek and Ben."

Jack nodded "Think of Ben and Derek as one and John is completely separate." and sat beside Tyus while Meg dialled and waited for answer and Robert started to make the drinks.

She felt nervous waiting for the pick up but as she heard his voice she smiled and said "Charles its Meg, sorry to ring you at home but I need a favour."

She heard the sadness in his voice as he replied. "Meg. It's good to hear from you. …I know we both miss him. …I keep thinking he's going to ring me. … What can I do?"

His sympathy was so natural she did not hesitate. "I know what you mean. It's so strange … especially the way he decided to publish his Will like that.

Charles gave a chuckle "Yeah the whole thing is strange … especially the conditions … almost as though he was expecting trouble. Mind you he had just come back from the break in September and seemed edgy for a couple of weeks. I wondered if he thought of a certain ghost from the past and needed protection … well we both know that particular ghost died even if his body was never found. … Reckon after he did it he felt better and forgot all about it. … Of course it was given to me sealed so I could not ask him at the time. … I haven't seen him so much lately but he was so happy and settled. … You know Maria thought it was done in a fit of nerves and forgotten about as well and asked the Judge to cancel it so she would inherit on behalf of her children but it didn't work. Sorry rambling your favour?"

Meg smiled and said "It's okay I know this sounds odd but I was wondering if you could give me the pearls after the funeral, bring them with you to save an extra journey and I'd rather no one knew about them or I've spoken to you."

Charles laughed. "Umm if I didn't know you Meg it could sound very odd, but I know you don't like a fuss and Ben wanted you to have the pearls. Does your wish for privacy mean John will be with you, if so, I can arrange for a lift."

Meg said gently. "Thanks for the offer but John's not with me I'm with Robert and a few friends."

"Ahh Mandy and Jack." Charles guessed feeling happy for her.

Meg laughed and confirmed. "Yes give my love to your wife and I'll see you at the service."

"Will do. Take care Meg." He finished and then rang off.

Putting the phone down Meg leant back in her seat and accepted Robert's offer of tea and said "Derek did it just after he returned from Seattle."

Jack looked up from the pile of photos and paper he was sorting out for Tyus and the others and commented, "So he did not quite trust Maria in the beginning. Meg, do you want to go through these now or in the hotel?"

"Now please."

As the plane ate up the miles Jack and Mandy showed the photos and told the story and Meg understood why John had wanted to it kept away from her. Although she shivered at some parts of it she knew he was alright and then added her part of the story so everyone knew both sides of it.

oxoxo

The cars were waiting for them at the airport and as they drove to the hotel Meg noticed black ribbons in the windows of some shops and businesses nothing over the top just one round a curtain or a vase as people wanting to say goodbye to a friend. She felt guilty because she had seen Ben as a friend and soulmate with just a couple of friends and a few business acquaintances, now she could see how far his quiet kindness had grown and soon they would find out about the deceit….

Mandy said gently into her thoughts. "Meg, Derek didn't cancel a single scheme his brother set up. He could have if he just wanted the money, he wasn't after just that he wanted the responsibilities and friendships, remember he needed to be whole - Derek and Ben in one. … Once everyone has been told the truth they will understand why John kept quiet we'll make sure of that."

Meg nodded and relaxed a bit.

The hotel was quiet and the manager didn't seemed put out by Tony's request so with everything settled down for the night. She sat in her bed which had a view over the beach and dialled the number of the phone Jack had given John earlier on so she would have a direct line. It rang a couple of times and then she heard his voice and snuggled down to talk before going to sleep.


	56. Chapter 56

**Chapter 56**

As they drove to the police station Meg got used to the fact she could see out and no one could see in as well as the buzz of excitement mixed with a twist of nerves, which had started that morning and was steadily rising. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly trying to relax hoping that if she relaxed baby John would stop fidgeting. After all, the last thing she wanted to do was to rush to the loo as soon as they step inside the station to see Jude - that would be soo embarrassing.

She looked across at Jack and Tony and knew they all made a sombre group dressed black; she'd thought of changing later but Jack had pointed out that once the ball started to roll time would fly and it might prove difficult. She sighed at the thought of the funeral knowing her crucial role - delivering the truth while trying to make everyone understand that Derek was forgiven and loved…

Feeling the car take the corner she smiled suddenly remembering her morning call to her soulmate and the very sleepy reception it got… Jack's chuckle broke into it and the glint in his eyes made her wonder if he could read her mind, but before she could say anything the car slowed to a stop - They'd arrived at the police station.

Opening the car door so they could get out Jack said quietly "Don't worry, I'll make sure you don't get hassled, just let things flow naturally and take your time, ask if you want anything or a break."

Once outside Meg nodded, then smiled as they walked towards the station seeing the change in his body language - from that of a family friend to the commanding officer. She saw the full effect as the Officers at the reception desk came to attention even before Jack explained they were expected, and then were immediately shown to Jude's office with respectfully "Yes Sir".

Oxoxo

As soon as they entered the office Jude got up and came over and hugged Meg with quiet words of condolences as well as how good she looked. At the same time with a glance he silently welcomed, understanding why Jack came with her, but then raised an eyebrow in a silent question when he recognised Tony.

Tony staying silent nodded back and closed the door, then put the briefcase he'd been carrying on the table so it was in plain sight and waited.

As Jude and Meg broke the hug, seeing how tired he looked she asked. "How's Annie?"

Jude's police officer sixth sense already on guard due to Tim's lawyer's actions and knowing they were coming was now at screaming point. These men's body language said business and Meg did not feel or look like a tearful maiden, sad yes but not distraught as she might have been in the circumstances … and she asked about Annie.

He sighed as he thought about Annie's tearful, sleepless night and admitted. "Not good, she's torn by her own memories of her father's death, coffins and the shock of losing Ben like that. Says he was the one person she could talk to …and in a way it was true … he helped her find her way when I could not.

She doesn't want to go to the funeral says saying goodbye would be too painful and final. I suppose at the moment she can kid herself it is just a dream or nightmare. … I had to come in so I took her to Aunt Bette and AJ. But, if she decides she really can't go through with the service then I'm going to take her somewhere quiet till it is was over."

"She has to go Jude." Meg insisted gently knowing she could not explain why if asked.

Jude looked at her seeing a gentle strength in her expression and admitted. "I know … not only to be there for Maria but for her own sake. … She's also one of the named in this strange Will of his. … It's almost as though he needed to keep certain people close." And huffed then admitted. "Sorry, police logic working overtime. … It's been such a shock to everyone. … I know you must be buzzing with questions having been on the end of emails or newspaper reports so I'll give you a quick run through. Needless to say Maria and Benjy are slowly coming to terms with the whole thing as are the rest of us."

Jude pointed to the seats so everyone could sit and let his curiosity as to why Tony was here lie for the moment, though guessed it was to do with Ben but nothing came to mind. When they had sat down knowing Meg's history he decided he needed to clear certain things up. "As soon as I got to Ocean Drive and I saw the body, Ricardo took me to one side and reminded me that Derek's body was never found after the tumble down the cliff. And, it would be embarrassing if Ben walked in later confessing he'd killed Derek in a mad moment of shock or anger, or that Derek walked in claiming he was Ben and the body was Derek. And, we could not prove it either way because time after death had destroyed any evidence that might tell the twins apart."

Jude couldn't help a sad chuckle remembering the stories he'd been told by Annie and turned it into an apologetic huff as he carried on. "Well, things did get a bit twisted in the past regarding the identical twins. I also think Ricardo hoped it was Derek on the floor for Maria and the children sakes and Ben was still alive. Unfortunately Ben's official fingerprint records were destroyed after the warehouse kidnapping was cleared up and no one had Derek's. As usual we fingerprinted the lounge including body's, took some from the main bedroom and kitchen and found they matched. That meant of course the body was the person who'd been living there, not a twin just visiting. After all, re couldn't rely on looks but fingerprints would have told us whether it was a relation or not.

Of course we found the family's prints as well as Tim's but they were expected, but no unidentified prints so we knew it was likely to be an in and out job done with gloves and the heart/chest was easier than the head as a target."

He paused for a moment knowing how bad that sounded but there was no other way of putting, saw a nod from Meg and Jack and continued. "While the fingerprinting was being done we checked the hospital records, which was quick and easy as they are on computer now, because of that all patients histories were précised into short notes of relevant details."

He hesitated for a split second wondering whether to ask her to tell him what she knew, but realised that might cause tears as the memories were brought to ahead and didn't want that so he carried carefully. "According to the notes there was a difference between the twins. Ben had scaring in one eye and Derek didn't. It was not serious so it was only mentioned in passing, sort of just in case it was needed. … The Coroner immediately checked the body and confirmed it was there, apparently it would not have shown up in his later examination, and he would not have looked anyway because they knew the cause of death. At least it put Ricardo's … our minds at rest as to who it was, and it's really shaken him up. It also stopped any rumours starting, but of course we couldn't totally discount the one about Derek killing Ben until the evidence proved otherwise."

Meg nodded taking in the twist and looked at Jack for guidance. Jack gave none but immediately asked. "No one checked Tyus's pen and paper records at all."

"No, the paper ones are packed away in the basement and would have taken hours to find and we did have that time. The fact the notes mentioned the difference reassured us that whoever transferred would not have left anything else off."

"Okay." Jack said but gave a slight shake of the head to stop Meg saying anything.

Meg guessed that information would be corrected later and started her story. "Yesterday I received a letter from Mr Evans it clears Tim and tell us who he thinks did it. Jack… Tony actually, has information which you will want to check out before the funeral … I thought Tim and his lawyer aught to be here to see this."

"He's seeing Tim at the moment said you might want to see him about his client." Jude managed taking the information in his stride, but as things fell into place he couldn't help a slight smile and exclamation. "So you two are behind their actions yesterday."

Meg and Jack nodded keeping serious expressions.

Jude's sixth sense was flashing again realising why Tony was here but not how Ben knew Meg's address, and getting nothing from the pair he huffed and carried on slowly. "Okaay … so the obvious question is if Ben could write to Meg about his murder why the hell didn't he come to us and prevent it. **And**, why Jack did you shake your head just now when I mentioned the doctor's computer records?"

Jack didn't answer. Tony did as he opened the briefcase and started taking the evidence bags out knowing Jack didn't want those questions answered yet. "Jude. You need to know the history of the parcel Meg received. First off Mr Evans knew Robert was due to go back to Seattle that night, only the murder that afternoon stopped Robert going there and receiving it.

The parcel was posted in Sunset Beach, it had to be signed for on delivery and it was marked private and urgent. Because of this a member of his staff hand couriered it immediate back to him here, another rang him to explain it was on its way. They did not know who the sender was as it only had the posting office address on the back. When Robert received the parcel he recognised Mr Evan's writing and came round to see me so I could witness its opening, contents and advise what to do, which I did.

In it was a request that the parcel be passed on unopened to Meg, there was a covering letter saying Robert could open it if Meg was unable to do so, its there as well. As he was going to pick her up to bring her to the funeral it was decided I should travel with the parcel and deal with the consequences if any. Once she opened it and we read the contents I have kept it in my care to avoid accusations it was a forgery or hoax if the contents were proved to be true. Last night it was kept in a safe in the suite of rooms where we stayed, the manager was the only one with the combination and he witnessed it go in and be taken out. I've no reason to tamper with the contents or wish harm to the family concerned, Jack was also with me. This is the letter and a statement in the form of letter which was written months earlier, as you can see they've been put into evidence bags and sealed." He laid the sheets in their protective bags on the table.

"Okaay." Jude said slowly, taking it in. He'd also been reading the credentials that Jack had silently handed over and briefly he wondered if he should stand to attention, or might even lose his job as he asked. "Were you ever a traffic cop, Jack?"

Jack smiled at the hidden question 'why did you lie?' and said without hesitation. "Yes, still am when needed. The station I run has fourteen officers and co-ordinates with another station further along the valley. We also run a mountain rescue unit, which includes helicopters, horses and hospitals. I'm retiring to help with horses and rescue unit in July, the new Sheriff is looking after the 'shop' for me while I'm here. The area is on the web if you want to check it out."

Jude nodded knowing they were both experts in getting and hiding the truth, but his instincts told him this was the truth and he could trust him and it. He also knew Tony was no fool and was respected by the Judges he came into contact with and as he reached for the phone on the table asked. "And Mandy?"

Jack nodded understanding his need for the truth and hoped it would stop at his family; and knowing a hesitation or lie at the moment would wreck the trust he was building up said. "My wife of many years. She works part time as a general doctor dealing mainly in mental trauma cases. We own and run the hotel which we said our daughter and son-in-law ran … My daughter is a trauma nurse and therapist and my son-in-law helps run the stables and riding school, they are John's carers and we respect his and Meg's need for privacy."

Jude picked up the handset as well as the message in Jack's tone, that Jack had gone as far as he was willing to go, and said slowly "Right …" and he dialled the number then added. "And the answers to my questions are in the letter and statement, which I need to read now."

Jack's nod brought a flicker of a smile across Jude's face then he spoke into the phone. "I believe Tim's lawyer is still there … ... Tell them Meg has arrived and bring them both to my office. … … … Yes in chains and the two escorting officers." And put the put the handset back.

Meg sighed. "Jude …"

Looking at her sharply he cut her plea off. "I trust no one just yet Meg. Make yourself comfortable while I read this."

oxoxo

As Jude read and re read the pages they saw him turn pale and heard his almost silent gasp of shock and disbelief. Satisfied he didn't need to read it again he made some notes then looked at Meg with sympathy and shock knowing words could not really cover what he was feeling or what she was and said gently. "I'm so sorry for your loss … I guess … I never knew the real Ben Evans."

Meg nodded her acceptance feeling his sorrow for a life lost rather than a friend he knew and kept silent knowing memories would be running through his mind and she could not tell the truth just yet.

Jude gave a little huff and spoke as his mind sorted things out. "I think I met him for a brief moment on my first day at Lib. Corp … He was quiet and distracted … that must have been when he left to go to Seattle ... though he didn't say where he was going and AJ hadn't known he was going either." He paused then sighed and admitted. "The one I knew I liked … was not quite the fantastic businessman I had been led to believe, but we understood his priorities had changed, he had his wife back, a son to get to know and a baby on the way … Certainly not the twisted man in the statement."

He stopped for a moment trying to put aside the repulsion he felt for someone who could take his brother's memories then leave him to his fate and deceive everyone here. As well as the impulse to ring Annie tell her the truth realising truth wouldn't bring Ben back and would hurt her eve more. He looked at Jack, who had stayed quiet and gained the strength to follow the stepping stones he was being given and said. "So, the shake of the head meant the doctor is involved because Tyus's information would have told us the truth that we'd got the wrong twin here."

Jack smiled glad Jude was sorting it out in spite of the shock and clarified. "Yes, Derek was the one shot at Ocean Drive and the information about the eyes is the wrong way round. I'll give you the history about eyes as Meg was there when Tyus examined Derek." Jude nodded as Jack carried on. "Ben was being held in the warehouse and Derek was impersonating him. The real Ben had headaches so Derek was using them as a cover, after appearing to suffer a bad one Meg insisted he saw Tyus again. He could not get out of it and Tyus found the scaring in the eye and Derek covered well and Tyus accepted it was possible he hadn't didn't pick it up earlier. He wanted to do more tests but Derek managed to avoid them and things went hectic after that anyway.

And no, I don't think the new doctor is involved, Derek got lucky in that Tyus moved on and the records were computerized, I suspect we will find other records have been changed as we check things out."

Jude suppressed a shiver as he nodded, and seeing how Meg was taking it all guessed Jack had gone through everything and said. "Okay, we need to deal with the evidence, not history. No disrespect to the real Ben Meg, but it could get very confusing and we are short on time. We will get to Ben's story later I promise."

Meg nodded knowing that was what they wanted.

Jude took a breath and let the police officer in him take over completely and voiced his thoughts. "There will be a lot of guilt and anger going around when the truth comes out. So, we need solid proof not just a letter and statement, which could be shot down as lies or ramblings of a deluded twin by a good lawyer. Jack, I see you've dusted these pages for fingerprints I assume you've got them on film?"

"Yes. I dusted and took them off, it was witnessed all the way through … statements can be obtained if needed. Obviously we didn't have any prints to check them against so we need you to take that step. You've got the wrapping paper as well to prove it was posted etc."

Handing them over to Jude as Jack stopped Tony said. "You should know Robert is in Seattle dealing with the marriage certificate, birth certificate and Franklin Street as mentioned in Derek's statement. He or the Seattle police will email brief notes of evidence and he will fly in with any 'hard' proof before the funeral."

Jude looked at Jack in surprise knowing just how difficult it was to get a different force to work with so little information let alone an outsider doing it.

Jack smiled and said. "Robert has hidden depths, knows a Judge who knows a police officer who will work quickly and quietly. He flew off as soon as we arrived last night knowing time would be short as well as the fact children's lives might be at stake should anything leak out."

Wondering what else was going to come to light Jude nodded and as there was a knock on the door and yelled out "Enter!"

oxoxo

The door opened and the group came in, two officers stood either side of Tim in his orange jumpsuit and chains, while the lawyer closed the door and then walked round them obviously full of curiosity and bursting with questions.

Meg had turned slightly and saw how pale Tim was and automatically gave him an encouraging smile, but saw Jack's slight shake of the head so schooled her expression.

Jude got feeling as though the large office had got very crowded, checked there would be enough chairs and said to the lawyer to stop any questions. "I need some things confirmed before I show you some documents." and turned to the nearest officer knowing he'd have to have one officer stay. "Simmons I need you to go the computer and check these fingerprint films against the ones taken from Ocean Drive and come back to me straight away. Also bring back Spencer and a computer/CSI buff, they should be around. I don't want anyone including them to know what's going on we can't have unwarranted speculation going on before the funeral so make your approach casual."

Jude handed over the films Simmons who gave him a 'please tell me more' look and got a shake of the head, so he shrugged his shoulders and left. Jude knew he would do his job well and be back very soon and that's what he wanted.

As the door closed Jack's phone rang, they all waited as it was answered and listen too then he looked and called across to Jude. "Its Robert, he needs a direct computer feed for email or fax line, which ever is the most private and straight to you. They've got the birth and marriage certificates plus a photo of the couple with a date on the film … also proof someone that was kept in the basement at Franklin Street. They've still got to put bits and pieces together before they can say who or get a link to Ocean Drive. A police officer and 'hard' evidence will come with Robert but can't guarantee it will be before the funeral so we might have to go ahead without it."

Letting it cross the boxes off in his mind Jude scribbled the necessary information on a sheet of paper and gave it to Jack. While he was passing it over Jude turned to the lawyer who was extremely puzzled and explained. "We have a letter that clears Tim of the murder of Mr Evans and suggests another kidnapping leading to a murder took place in Seattle."

Ignoring Tim's take in of breath, the lawyer guessing whatever Robert knew yesterday was coming to a head now asked. "So why the secrecy and chains if you know Tim can walk out now?"

Jude gave a half smile hoping this lawyer would not make things difficult. "First, I need to know exactly what Mr Evans said to Tim when they met at Ocean Drive that day. I need this to confirm our suspicions regarding the murderers."

The lawyer frowned wondering if his client could still be in trouble and why they didn't just show them the letter.

But everyone had seen Tim go an even whiter shade of pale as he looked at each of them, when he looked at Meg she smiled and said. "Tim please trusts us as you trusted me and my father in the past."

Tim gave a violent shiver and Jude said reassuringly "Sit down if you want to. This is not a trick." To prove the point he sat down and waved the officer to give Tim space and the lawyer to another chair.

Tim holding on to what Meg had said managed a nod and clunked awkwardly over to the chair and sat down then after a moment's silence to try and get things in order started shakily. "Ben rang up in the morning said he wanted some free time with me and Abby … I explained I could not do it till the afternoon …It was strange we had seen each other briefly the morning before and he sounded great. … On the phone he sounded down, sad so I asked what was wrong he said he would explain later. … We were never great palls … we could go for a couple of weeks without seeing each other … it was Abby who provided the contact and we would chat about things in general …

When I got there Samantha was grizzling … guess she caught his mood anyway he put her in her cot upstairs and came down as soon as she was asleep. I played with Abby on the mat or my lap as we sat in the lounge. … That was strange too usually there are toys around but today they were packed away so I gave her the usual ones from the pushchair and waited.

He paused and eyed Jude knowing what had been said about 'that' meeting and admitted fervently. "Yes, we argued as someone said … Ben was on edge … touchy … so was I … Well, you would've been especially when he tells you to drop everything and leave with Abby immediately … taking nothing with you and never come back. … Hell, I love Tess and Abby. … I was actually getting myself established, was looking forward to managing the Shock Wave. Had hoped he might fund me so I would be a partner instead of a manager. … I had asked Tess, she said she would think about it, which I realise now meant no, it had been over a week ago I asked."

He sighed feeling 'the rush' leave him and fiddled with the handcuffs round his wrists as he carried on. "He would or could not give me proof as to why … …once or twice I thought he was going to tell me something important … but he stopped and went back to the fact Abby and I weren't safe. … He gave me the impression he knew Tess better than I did … said he saw she was acting 'sharply' and that meant trouble. … But again would not explain exactly what he meant." thinking about how things had turned out Tim added with an agitated huff. "If he knew she could be 'trouble' then how come he said she was all right and was willing to let her carry on looking after his son and support her after? … … It didn't … doesn't make sense."

He paused for a moment because too many questions and memories were running round his mind; he took a deep breath and reluctantly channelled his thoughts to that afternoon and carried on with the pain of hindsight in his voice adding a edge to his words. "Ben went on to say he and the children were not safe either, because Maria just wanted his money and life. … I told him that was rubbish; they'd been through hell and loved each other. … But he insisted that she had slept with another man. … That was soo difficult to take in … They both seemed to come alive when together, they were so good with the children. … I told him he was mistaken and why … he got angry shouted the man's name … Ross English. … Told me to get my head out the sand and see the truth. … That it would mean his death not divorce and that could mean the kids too. … I mean she would not do that to any of them. … You divorce not kill … neither of them would."

He paused as the words started to hit home and shook his head, which turned into a shiver throughout his body; when he recovered his voice was soft as he carried on. "I realised he was serious and this was not a flight of fancy … … he gave me a million dollars in cash in a case and the shares for Abby. … He explained they could not be traced back and how to get interest etc safely. … Told me about the motel explaining he would meet me during the evening with full explanation, proof and travel documents. He made sure I understood that I was not to use my credit card or cell phone ever again and not to ring him at Ocean Drive or his cell phone, but I could use the car to get to the motel. … After that we would use something different. … I think he was working on that … not sure … but he insisted I was to go then and not go back home for anything. Abby would have to have new stuff bought outside Sunset Beach. … … He showed me the route reminded me to avoid large towns, as they would have cameras, not to speed and to act as though I knew what I was doing even if I didn't."

He looked briefly at Meg then at Jude and a slight smile of disbelief crossed his face as he admitted. "Then he scared me even more by saying if anything happened to him I was to leave the car preferably in a lock up or long term car park or tuck in the back of a car park and use bus or train to move on. Use the plane as a last resort. If I was quick enough I could get to Canada before they put a check on visas etc and I was to dye my hair like Abby's so I would not stand out. He added if all else failed and police questioned me I should tell them I was going to meet him and he was going to explain everything, nothing else and eventually the truth would be told. He kept coming back to the children not being safe with their mothers … even muttered about me looking after them all if something went wrong when we were together."

He looked at the table and sighed, then looked back at Jude adding. "I know he went through hell and back when his brother kidnapped him, but he came out sane … I've seen Ben angry … been on the wrong end of it … but never been this scared by him. … … I mean I'm not the first person you'd think he'd turn to or trust with a million dollars, shares and his children if something went wrong. … …Anyway I decided the best thing I could do was to take him at his word, I knew I could walk away from the whole thing when he met me at the motel after all I had my own car. And there was a little niggle about Tess in the back of my mind as I listened and argued with him … but it stayed a little niggle … till now. Now, I know he was right she had changed a little. … We always chatted about things but recently she seemed to make a point of knowing where I was going or been and she's not been here for me."

He turned his mind away from those thoughts and concentrated on his story. "Abby was as good as gold on the journey and by the time I arrived at the motel I decided I would check out the number for the doctors just in case Ben was ill. …So I did and I settled Abby and I did worry a bit as time passed and he didn't show, but he was really insistent I should not contact him so I knew I had to wait it out. I guess exhaustion got the better of me because I went to sleep and the next thing I knew the police were everywhere waving guns and shouting. Guess they must have used the master key to get in instead of knocking the door in but the thump as it hit to the wall was bad enough."

He gave a slightly shaky smile at the memory knowing it would not leave him for a long time. "You know you see it on films … and you know it's to scare the bad guy … well it does I was terrified as I lay on the ground so they could cuff me … They took Abby, she was crying but an officer calmed her that's the last time I saw her. … As I was dragged to my feet an officer told me Ben had been shot and I was under arrest for his murder. … I went into shock could not think, but when I did the only thing that kept going round my head was the children were with their mothers and in danger and how could I tell my story, my alibi was dead. So all I could do was to keep quiet and hope that whatever Ben had planned to do he had done."

His eyes were full of pain as he carried on. "It was so hard not to tell Hank everything … he's been like a father to me … but I knew even he would have difficulty believing my story … Ben and my past was rocky to say the least. I reckoned that would be held against me, and I was right it was the first thing that came up in the questioning. So I told the basic truth but even that was twisted against me and there was this evidence about a gun I never saw or touched.

I had a little hope when I found out who my lawyer was but thought if I were dead someone would start looking in the right direction … He must have read my mind because he told me my death would close the case and leave the guilty party free. … Strangely enough it made me feel even more trapped and frantic, then he gave me Meg's message and I was to stay here and see no one till she came. … During the night it struck me that the last place anyone would look for the truth would be with Meg, after all she had started a new life away from Sunset Beach and Ben." He gave a sigh and looked at Meg as he said. "I guess he really came through for me and the children." Meg nodded and Tim added quietly. "I'm sorry he died Meg and the pain I caused."

Meg gave another slight nod and said quietly with meaning "It's okay" realising just how important her words had been to him.

Jude nodded it confirmed the letter and he understood just how scared Tim must have felt, without this evidence he could be convicted or might have been placed into Tess's care had she placed bail. Either way it would have been a bleak end, instead they had a twist in the tale and Derek though he could not save himself could save Tim and the family with the evidence they were finding and even a trap in place for the guilt part. He got up and went over to the fax machine, which had started spitting out pieces of paper while Tim had been telling his story.

He looked at them and then passed them over to Jack saying. "Tim, there's a letter and statement on the table which you and your lawyer can read later. It's from Mr Evans saying he saw Maria with Ross English and it is possible that Tess might be the one to kill him, mentions a gun and where proof can be found. If you think about it Tess would be the one to get your fingerprints and put them on the gun, she also needed to know where you were so as to falsify the records at the gun shop as well as for the timing of the murder."

There was a gasp from both the lawyer and Tim, and a raised eyebrow from the police officer, but before the lawyer could comment Jack passed the papers onto Tony saying. "Jude, we have phone records that show Tess was on her cell phone to Maria as she claims but at Ocean Drive not her home and it's in the time window of the shooting."

Jude gave Jack a look, knowing his credentials he wasn't so surprised that they had come up with this information but was really intrigued as to why they'd thought of looking there, and then remembered being a rescue coordinator Jack would automatically know calls could be traced but still asked. "Who thought of this and why?"

Jack smiled and said easily. "From the letter and Sara mentioning Tess being on the phone in an email to Meg, we thought it might be worth a try." and hoped Jude would not ask how they knew the cell number or realise the trace was asked for earlier than they knew about the letter. It was a risk but one they knew they had to take as time was going on.

Tony got out the records saying. "We have two masts in Sunset one covers Ocean Drive area the other covers Tess and Tim's home. They are outside any merging point so its solid proof of her position and the time is within the window of the murder. You should of course do your own investigation to confirm everything, but a second request will not only take time and could raise questions also something might slip out to the wrong people. So I'm asking you to check the web site and take the rest on trust for conformation later. Meg has the key to the box mentioned in the statement. It's the same posting office from where Mr Evans sent the parcel and in view of the wedding certificate etc we should go and get it as soon as possible." and handed them with the papers to Jude, who started to scan them.

There was a knock on the door and Simmons came in going over to Jude and said quietly "I took the liberty of checking the fingerprint films against the ones taken from the body of Ben Evans as well as the ones from the rooms in Ocean Drive. They match. So he wrote or touched whatever they came from. I noticed you had some notepaper on your table so I brought back a sample, which Ricardo retrieved from the writing desk in the lounge of Ocean Drive. I checked it and it has an unusual watermark which might be traced back if needs be." He handed over the films of prints and a sheet of note paper, which was in a separate evidence bag.

Jude smiled knowing his man had been thinking then smiled even more as two officers came in carrying trays of cold drinks for everyone, and from Simmons smile knew this was his cover story and said. "Thank you, we'll check the surface of the page later, could be important. Right, close the door and join the group. Thanks for the drinks."

As soon as it was done he knew this would hit Tim but not as hard as it would have earlier and said. "As of now I need your complete cooperation and silence." The Officers and the lawyer nodded so he carried on. "The man who was killed at Ocean Drive was Derek Evans not Ben Evans. It has been stated that Derek kidnapped Ben September 1999 and killed him towards the end of 1999. If the letter and statement are to be believed his ashes are in Canada and the jailers paid off, also Maria's memory returned when Derek took Ben's place and lived with him willingly knowing he was Derek. Apparently Derek married Maria before she knew Ben so Meg here is Ben's" Jude hesitated at the word widow because he had noted Meg's wedding ring, and as she hadn't really known she was married to Ben, he shut those thoughts down; and decided there was only one word to use said. "true representative. Tess was Derek's working partner for many years and is possibly the murderer, done on Maria's orders … Maria had everything to gain by his death and the children are young enough not to ask questions and be moulded to a new family life. Derek got wind of her thoughts and got Tim out and was going to join him taking the children … but she moved before he did."

The Officers and lawyer stayed silent though shocked, Tim looked down at his chains trying to come to terms with everything, but memories were shattering into falsehoods and only instinct was keeping him breathing and silent as Jude finished. "We need to have the information confirmed without the women knowing anything about it. Jack as a servicing police officer and Chief are you willing to help officially?" Jude knew the answer but needed the others to know Jack's standing as their Chief was in an important meeting and could not be disturbed.

Jack didn't hesitate and looked for and got approval of the other officers as he answered. "Yes and I suggest we gather all the information and pull them in at the funeral and not before. I have no doubt the children would be used as hostages or shields, and I believe for the children's sakes especially Benjy's they should be able to say goodbye to their father who clearly loved them without prejudice, I suspect that will come later."

Jude nodded thinking things through as he talked to Jack knowing his officers would speak up if needs be. "Yes, especially as Carman seems to be involved as well … I agree Benjy will have to be told the truth but later from someone he can trust, the girls of course really don't understand it. Brief plan, details later, Meg stays near the Alter out the way, as chief mourns the women will be on the front pew so we can get in close without anyone getting too suspicious. … Two officers with Tim can guard the exit, you and I grab the women, Ricardo will not be armed might have cuffs with him and if he's not too angry might be useful. Robert either can stay by the door or be with Meg if he's back by then, possibly have some officers outside with earpieces as back up." Getting a nod from Jack he turned to Meg then Tim. "We have faxes of the wedding photo and certificate as well as the birth certificate so that verifies that part of the story, I also think the rest is true so we act on it. … We'll take the irons and cuffs off you in a moment Tim, but first do you pay anything towards the upkeep of your home."

Just about managing to get his shattered thoughts together he took a moment to think about the odd question then answered quietly. "Yes Ben… Derek gave it to Tess but I pay the insurance and fuel bills etc."

Jude looked across to Jack who smiled and knew the lawyer would catch on in a moment. "Fine, add to that you are Tess's husband, as Meg is Ben's representative she can claim tenure because it was Ben's money not Derek's that paid for the gift, but your claim is better. In any case I'm going to ask both of you if my officers can search the property for the watch/bracelet believed to be in Tess's possession, which according to Derek's statement is a link between them. As well as any other evidence regarding a gun mentioned or the murder weapon. Getting a warrant would be time consuming so I need your permission."

Tim's lawyer smiled and nodded in case Tim was worried and understood the link needed to stop Tess's lawyers throwing evidence out.

Meg nodded and Tim said hesitantly his mind slowly settling down to facts rather than anger and hurt, which threatened to overwhelm him given half the chance. "Yes you can, she had one … diamonds and sapphires never wore it, it could be in her wooden jewel box in the bedroom that's if she has not taken it with her. … You're saying she killed Ben…Derek on Maria's orders… but they had everything."

"Yes." Jude said patiently, knowing he must feel as though his world was upside down and inside out with the news of Tess's betrayal and that Derek had been his friend not Ben, especially as Derek had tried to kill him. **And** if he was really honest he was feeling the same and nodded at Simmons who had quietly got the keys out of his pocket, and continued. "We'll need to check it's the same gun and have the shopkeeper in again because the records are false and he must have been paid a large sum to tell those lies. I know the officer in charge of the station so it can be done there and kept quiet."

Jack nodded his agreement and let Jude carried on. "As Ocean Drive is a crime scene we can do another search and if asked by outsiders we can say we are tidying up for Maria's return or to sell. But to be on the safe side, Meg as Ben's representative can we go through the computer files and all the other rooms looking for information regarding the kidnapping and murder of the Evans twins?"

Meg felt a shiver go down her spine hearing it all set out like that and wanted to ease so of the pain but knew she couldn't and answered quickly and softly. "Yes, sorry I can't give you the access codes on the computer; Ben never let anyone have them."

"Till his damn brother drugged him." Jude muttered angrily.

Meg realised all words would hurt at the moment and remembered what her soulmate had told her and Jack said she could pass it on if the opportunity came so said softly. "I had to get some papers for him once they were in his wall safe in the lounge; it's hidden behind the small picture. I know its combination because it's the same as my mother's birth date."

Jude sighed and smiled as he nodded and smothered his anger. "That could help please write it down. As far as I know Maria's not been in there alone, Ricardo or an officer has been with her and the house is still under 24hr guard, though that might not have stopped her from raiding it if he gave her the combination."

The computer expert spoke up quickly "I can get into the computer, what are you looking for?"

"Pictures and articles regarding Sara Cummings engagement day and party, it might be marked as Meg's engagement, they've found part of a photo at Franklin Street showing Meg and Casey together. We've a bad fax of it the proper copy will come with the Officer later. We need proof that Maria tampered with the article if it's on the computer it will bring the two together and prove she knew about Ben being at Franklin Street before he died. Anything else like that would be good but only the obvious so we can get something solid for the arrest warrant. We'll dig deeper later so bring the machine in and seal it. We'll have a word with Mr English and find out if he is an innocent party or not."

Tim swore and looked across at Meg as if to say something but she shook her head and he saw she accepted his anger and sympathy but wanted to stay focused. He vaguely realised she had had longer to come to terms with this and if she could so could he … but she had her husband he had no one, so perhaps it was he who needed her sympathy … as his thoughts started to go down hill fast he caught Jude's expression.

Jude could see Tim was going down hill and smiled as he asked the lawyer. "Would a Judge frown at the fact our ex-suspect was with the officers as they searched his home and he was dressed in a police uniform for his protection and the fact we've nothing else available."

Jack gave a chuckle and the lawyer thought for a moment, knowing he had a set of clothes in the trunk of he car and gave a half smile as he agreed. "For his protection would sound best and providing he wore a hat and glasses and didn't say a word to anyone or touch anything inside the property. No I don't think a lawyer could not fault it either. But how would you get in quietly if Tess has the only key?"

Tim exclaimed. "No!" They all looked at him in surprised at the outburst. He took a breath and explained. "I mean I have a key …I had the key on me the officers took it with my things."

They all looked at each other, Jude smiled and said. "Tess has been back while you've been here. She had to get clothes for herself and Abby so if she never got your key off the Officer here she must have used the supposedly missing key. Spencer go check and bring it back, oh and the uniform for Tim as well, avoid saying why though."

"It's the only key I've got apart from the car key. The Shock Wave keys are at home in the safe."

"If it's there bang goes her story." Jude commented almost to himself.

"Could say she found it. You know lost in the bottom of her bag or in a forgotten pocket even found it on the path." Jack said with a smile.

Jude shook his head in disgust knowing Tess or her lawyer would use one of them and ordered. "Right off you go back in five." Spencer left and Jude turned his attention to the lawyer asking. "Do you want to go with Tim or stay out of sight?"

"With Tim I think, perhaps Tony should go with the others to Ocean Drive. He and I can act as overseers. I suppose you'll need Tim under arrest at the funeral?"

Jude smiled, "Yes you can be there as well but we'll call it protective custody, if we put him on cuffs I'll make sure he or an officer has the key. Unfortunately some people will show their anger as he will still be thought to have committed the murder so everyone will be prepared for that. Meg, I don't know whether you want to come with us it might draw attention to what is happening."

Jack said quickly. "From what I've seen and what Meg's told me I suspect only Meg or Robert can collect the box, Derek might have told the proprietor that police alone would not be good enough. That would safeguard the box if Maria found out and got Ricardo to innocently collect it for her. We have a car with tinted windows at our disposal."

"Oh right, and the driver?" Jude asked fairly innocently.

Jack chuckled. "Oh. He's blind, deaf and mute."

"Great!" Jude exclaimed adding with a smile. "We are in for a fun ride then."

The policemen's humour broke the tension and Spencer was back in record time and handed over the key and the uniform for Tim.

"So the little lady made a mistake then." Jude said hopefully.

Spencer sighed, "No. I said we needed to get in the property for Tim's clothes for the funeral; the officer in charge was the one who escorted Tess back for her things and saw Maria give her a key saying it was the spare key she, Tess that is, had given her the other day. I could not probe any deeper but it looks as though they got it covered."

"Damn!" Jude exclaimed and the fax machine started spitting out more paper, he went across and wrote out a message and sent it back and explained. "I'm telling them to stop till I come back I can't have someone walking in on this. Meg you might want to use the rest room while Tim changes. It's at the end of the corridor." He had a quick look at the papers as he put them in a folder and sighed. "You've got to admire the guy for all his twisted behaviour. Without the Will they could have disappeared with Ben's fortune, who would have blamed them especially as Tim was the fall guy. Instead they have to stay here and hope that by doing so they will get part of the fortune and all the time he is guiding us as we gather evidence to make a case against them."

He was quiet for a moment then added. "He was a bit like that when Annie had trouble getting supplies for the gallery, he found a guy willing to order in bulk and break it up make smaller deliveries. You know fifty sheets instead of reams, trouble was he needed to make alterations for delivery and storage couldn't afford too. So Derek as Ben backed him saying Annie was a definite client and word got out he would do it for others so he's now got a steady business. Yesterday morning I found out Ben did the same when he set up The Deep, only it was a specialised wine seller, now it's one of the best ones around." He shivered slightly as he carried on. "Amazing pair … makes you wonder though, did they both have it or did Derek get it from Ben's memories … Creepy. … Come let's get the show on the road and see what's in Pandora's Box."

oxoxo

The posting office was empty when Meg handed over her key to the man behind the counter and Jude nudged Jack in the ribs and pointed towards the corner of the store. The man returned with a box and started to ask her to sign her name when Jude jumped in showing the man his Id saying. "I'll sign for that Meg and I need to see your camera footage for the day Mr Evans died I believe he came in here."

The man thought for a moment then nodded. "Okay and yes it was late morning. Took the box out and posted a parcel which needed to be signed for and asked me to allow this address only on the back. Would not usually do it but I saw it was only written stuff that went in and as I knew Mr Evans had a good reputation did it. I'll get the video it's in the last hour of the tape to save you going all the way through it. You can use the back room if you want to check it here, I don't look through the films just put them in the machine, never had to check one before luckily."

"Thank you I will have to take it with me though and I'd rather this visit was kept private."

The man smiled "Of course. In case you're wondering I would have handed the box over to your chief not an officer if no one came to collect it. It was in his written instructions done when he put it here in 1999. He said he opened a special account to pay for it so I guess someone will have to close it … I'll pass the details over to you later if you like."

"Morning will be fine, if we can take a quick look now." Jude said.

The man showed them into the room and set it up for them then left. From what they saw they knew Derek had made sure the whole process was on tape and could be clearly seen. Jude chuckled. "There's the start of our parcel ... We'll do the box back at the station with gloves and witnesses."

On the drive back to the station they stopped outside the address where Ross English was staying and found out he was out for the morning but with a few careful questions Jude knew he could pick him up quietly and quickly when wanted.

oxoxo

Back in Jude's office Meg found herself a comfortable chair and watched fascinated as Jack and Jude wearing gloves fingerprinted the box before setting it on a piece of paper so they could open it. Everything that was in the box was recorded and fingerprinted before being put in evidence bags, Jack used the instant camera and a video camera recorded everything that was going on.

They knew Tim was on his way back and the others at Ocean Drive had made some progress would return in a while. Though she could feel the thrill of everything coming together and justice was going to be done her mind kept coming back to the faxed photo of the basement which Ben had been kept in and the first photos from the box which Jude had called 'proof of life and deed' photos which were dated. They'd showed Ben unconscious in chains in the basement and in the trunk of a car and they had sent a shiver down her spine which started baby John fidgeting. She didn't want that so tried to concentrate on what else they had come across knowing the details of the jailers Jack would be able to name their graves and close any outstanding cases in other States.

There was a knock on the door and Simmons came in with a bag, Tim came in behind him and took off his hat and dark glasses. Meg smiled and had to admit he looked good in a uniform, he nodded and sat down; his attention was drawn to the table as he said. "She didn't seem to have taken very much, the box was there and so was the watch."

"Good, Simmons can you check on stolen goods list for me, here are the written details, Peters I need you to check these photos against records they were Ben's jailers, try Seattle we need to see present records etc. anything else?" Jude asked noting the lawyer put some spare clothes on the table before sitting down.

Simmons took the information and went to the computer as he gave his report. "Yes Tim was good, suggested we check out her wardrobe, which she was very protective about it. Lawyer okayed it and found two wigs and some clothes in a box they've been bagged separately."

Jack started to rummage through the evidence packs and showed it to Jude then showed it to the other officer who smiled and said, "Yes that's both of them."

Jack looked at Jude and said "Good, lets hope they worn them when they or she dealt with the gun licence."

Jude smiled. "Yeah like that idea and perhaps we could check them see if we can prove who wore what, anything else?"

Simmons smiled feeling pleased with himself. "I decided to look under the mattress and found details of a property in Southern Avenue I think it's one of the ones demolished last year, if so she lost the compensation for it and it's under the name of Teresa Mason. The trinket box had a false base and there were some interesting photos of Tess and Derek one is definitely taken in New York with a date on it, she's wearing the watch as well."

Jude's exclamation "That's great!" was interrupted by a knock on the door and Spencer came in carrying the laptop and the CSI officer was carrying some papers. As it registered Jude added with a smile. "Oh more goodies and I thought you guys wanted more time."

Spencer put the laptop on the table and said. "Well we did but we struck gold soon after our call to you, found the article including pictures and some other notes one was a bit creepy to say the least. Sort of refresher file I suppose as it lists details of Ben's way of working, important dates and a few memories. … We opened the safe and found a couple of photos you should see, they prove some one knew about Ben being kept in chains, we've dusted them and the films need checking against the computer file. We checked Maria's studio and found a couple of scribble pads it's a bit of a mess but there is proof she knew about Ben. I looked under the mattress just in case she'd done a sketch or something but there wasn't anything."

Jude nodded and commented. "Pity, but any scribbles will be good and her answers will be interesting. Just remind me never to hide anything under the mattress when you guys around. … They found evidence under one at Tim's property house." He turned his attention to the CSI Officer. "I need you to go and play with the gun, we have bullets used and unused so go and match. Then we've got fingerprints, the certificate, wigs and clothes to be checked over so, Jeffries and Spencer your experienced go and help otherwise we'll run out of time." He looked across at the lawyer as he finished. "I think we have enough for a warrant."

Jack had picked up the booklet, which had been left open at a page and the photos from the safe at Ocean Drive and gave a whistle then looked up at Meg and sighed slightly apologetically; and got an understanding smile back. He knew he was going to try and keep these away from Meg but if the intricate details in the sketches could be matched by the photos. and if the date he noticed was anything to go by it proved she knew about Ben and said to Jude. "We've got her, if we can blow up the details in the photo and get an exact match with the sketch no way could it be a coincidence let alone why she should think of Ben in a basement."

Jude understood his tone and didn't peruse the matter but said. "Right we'll see if we can set that up. Jack, will you come and see the DA with me I need the final okay. Then I'll check on how they are doing with the shopkeeper. Grab drinks if you want any, we should not be too long."

oxoxo

Tim sat quietly beside Meg as the officers went about their business and said gentle "Meg I'm sorry … I know I gave Ben and you a hard time."

Knowing Tim was most probably starting to feel better knowing he was free now Meg didn't want any long talks because that would mean difficult answers. But, she didn't want to exactly shove him off, he had a bad time so hoping her tone and slight smile would take away any sting off her words said. "Tim not now, are you all right though."

He gave a short laugh and admitted. "No! I find it hard to realise I liked the bastard who nearly killed me and we never knew about the change of twin or that Tess and Maria could be so evil. Most of all though I'm worried about Abby and who will look after her, her mother's going to be arrested and her real father's dead. I mean I've been arrested and accused of murder and I'm not even her adopted father Tess never let me." He gave a sigh as he added. "You have more right being Ben's….

Meg interrupted him quickly before he could make things difficult for her saying. "No you have been her father since birth, Derek's first and last wishes were for her to be with you. Tony or your lawyer might be able to help and if needs be I will stand up in court and make sure she stays with you. You need to change and I'm sorry you are going to face Dad's and the others anger."

Tim sighed and looked at Meg and said gently. "When you think about it, it's the least I can do Meg, one way or the other the twins have brought me something no one else could. Ben could have sent me away from Sunset Beach but he didn't and Derek gave me a family … I might not have Tess but I hope I'll have Abby and if Ricardo and Gabi can't look after Benjy and Samantha then I have them as well somehow. You showed true friendship and your father did his bit as well to make me who I am today … not that sad hurt person I used to be, so I can face his anger knowing he will understand soon enough. And I think he will feel the same as I do, Derek might have been twisted but he loved and gave love to those kids and I'm glad he did."

Meg nodded; she knew her sister was right she liked this new Tim and said trying to reassure him without getting more questions back. "It will be all right Tim, just let's take one thing at a time."

He laughed and got up leaving the uniform jacket on the chair, as he did the other officer picked up his clothes and with a slight smile got ready to escort the 'prisoner' to the rest room.

Meg closed her eyes and letting her mind wander, she could feel her baby settle down and smiled so far he had been good and she'd not had to rush off and she felt reasonable in herself. Her thoughts drifted to her soulmate and his day she could picture their hawks and friends around him and wished she could be with him but knew by being here she was helping him as well. She felt a hand rest gently on her shoulder and opened her eyes.

Tony said gently. "Drink and cake to give you energy."

Meg looked around and realised the others had quietly returned and were talking amongst themselves as Tony carried on. "We've got success regarding the gun shop owner as soon as they mentioned 'murder one' he told a new story they searched and found money which will be fingerprinted, descriptions match the wig etc. He's on ice till after the arrests. The original certificate has Tess's fingerprints on it and the serial number matches the murder weapon. The gun and bullets match, some of partial fingerprints from a couple of bullets in the box matches Tess's and one can go to court.

Simmons has tracked down the history of the bracelet there's partial fingerprint, close match but not enough to go to court on, description could be better but it could match Tess. Fingerprints from the photos taken from the safe at Ocean Drive are Derek, Maria and Tess's looks as though they were past around. There is also an unidentified one, Jack has suggested we take Carmen's after the arrest, its small so it could be female its not nice to think of but its proof against them. Jude is talking to Ross English at the moment and Robert is on his way over from the airport. When he comes we should be ready to move. Are you okay?"

Meg nodded and took her drink and cake letting her mind run over all the facts as she ate and drank. All her mixed emotions about it all including the hurt everyone was going through were calmed by the fact she knew they had the upper hand and Ben was alive and would get his life back.

The other officers were finishing their jobs and grabbing food or drink, Tim came back in looking smart but apprehensive no doubt wondering if he would have to wear chains or not as no one had decided yet. Meg quietly thought he would at least be cuffed to an officer and took the opportunity to stretch her legs and make herself comfortable for her part of the show.

oxoxo

As Meg walked back to the office she hoped Jack and the others would be there she knew time was nearly up and wanted to get it over a done with. She opened the door and found everyone was seated looking round as though she was the boss; she smiled at their looks of disappointment and found her seat. No sooner had she sat down than the door opened and there was sigh of relief the boss was back, followed closely by Jack, Robert and another Officer.

Robert came straight over to Meg and put his hand on her shoulders as a way of greeting and Jude did the introductions then took control of the situation. "Right, we have got the warrants for Maria, Tess, and Carmen's on kidnapping, conspiracy and murder charges, no doubt others will be added. The proof from Seattle is in the safe and we will check it afterwards. I would like all the officers to continue with their jobs after we come back. Simmons and Spencer, can you take charge of the prisoners once Jack and I have arrested them. Jack and I will be with the congregation, they will have a lot of questions some we will never be able to answer. So process the prisoners as usual make sure they do not speak to each other at anytime and remember they can not use Mr Evans' lawyer so if they call for one it will have to be standard one for each. Officer Jason can help you with the evidence from Seattle, work out amongst yourselves how that is done. Jeffries you're with Simmons. Spencer we might be able to get you in as well if not stay just outside till called."

Getting the nods he needed carried on. "We'll have a wagon to come to the door after we've arrested not before and we'll do a brief statement as soon as the funeral is stopped. We don't know how Ricardo will take this I hope you will give him space and understanding. He will obviously not be allowed near the case officially but I don't see why we have to exclude him totally providing he does not say anything to his sister and mother.

Meg, Jack's told me you are willing to take the lead in this in the Mission, I know one of the things you want to do is for people to understand the difference in Derek. If you don't mind I would like the latest letter to you to be read out in the chapel by Robert. He will be with you all the way and we think it will help them understand. We will go in first to get down near the women hopefully there will be spaces if not we will just stand around nearby."

Meg thought for a moment and realised the letter was a plea from his heart and everyone would see it and said. "Derek asked me to be there for his family and I want to do it I also think hearing the letter might work."

Jude nodded and said quietly. "Their avenging angel."

She smiled and let him carry on. "Right. I've had a word with Ross English and believe he had no knowledge of the murder but he did know something was going on. He thought it would be divorce rather than murder. I get the feeling he was in for the short game rather than a long relationship. He's in jail lost in the system till we finish our business. The children should be saying goodbye to their father now, then they will go to the crèche. I've arranged for a female officer to be there she has instructions to let no one in until the all clear has been given over the radio. It will take a while for the congregation to go in so any questions before we put this show on the road."


	57. Chapter 57

**Chapter 57**

There was group of people waiting outside the Mission, some knew the family slightly and just wanted to show their support, others had just stopped to chat as they'd seen something was going on and stayed. Then there were the reporters, cameramen and a small TV crew all hoping for that lucky break that would get them noticed. They had already got the heart clutching photos and write up as the children and mothers dressed in black went in following the coffin. As the rest of the mourners gathered and went into the outer rooms to wait for the first service to finish they'd taken photos, made notes and quietly hoped something would occur that would put them on the front page or main news. Didn't happen, there was only sadness and respect for the deceased, so now they settled to wait knowing there was still one person to come. Unless, of course the police had sneaked him in via the back door or he wasn't coming which would be a story in itself.

Couple of minutes ticked by and they all perked up, a police van and another car drew up and stopped by the gates. Cameras clicked and the mood started to turn vocal and hostile as Tim with the escort of two officers got out and walked towards the Mission. Two other officers got out and made their way to the entrance of the Mission and glared at the crowd as they passed, which made the crowd quieten into mutterings only.

The reporters had all ready lost interest as Jack and Jude got out the unmarked car, on recognising Jude they stepped forward and started yelling questions and the cameras clicked or filmed the scene. Jude shook his head and said loudly, "No Comment." and the two burly officers took a couple of steps forward towards the reporters and cameramen, who instinctively took steps back, shut up and put their cameras down.

The vehicles drove off to park out of sight and wait so the crowd settled down and the reporters went back to the list and tried to remember if they'd seen everyone come and if not who was left. Moments later their interest was stirred again as a car with dark tinted windows drew up and nothing happened for a moment. Inside Robert made sure Meg was okay and then got out and helped her out.

There were murmurings in the crowd and the clicking of the camera as Meg was recognised and the reporters moved forward ready to fire questions. But, just a they started the two officers moved quickly and shook their heads; the reporters took a couple of paces back and shut up again. The cameramen sneaked a couple of extra photos as the couple walked into the Mission and an officer said. "That's all now." So the crowd settled down to either move on or wait for everyone to come out. Satisfied the crowd would stay the Officers moved back to guard the entrance, the reporters naturally assumed it was to make sure Tim didn't make a run for it and added it to their story, but the officers knew differently.

In the inner entrance Meg waited silently letting her mind wander, knowing Robert was close and he like the others had an 'invisible' ear and mike pieces so they would know when to enter, they both knew that things were running a little late and they had to let Tim settle. Unconsciously she stroked the smooth stems of her soulmates' farewell gift to his brother, two partly opened rosebuds, one red and one white, which he had picked from their garden for her to lay in the coffin if it was open, on it if it was closed. She couldn't help her slight smile because she automatically thought of him as John or soulmate, and knew that reverting back to Ben would be interesting for both them.

As she became conscious of Robert moving beside her, she had a flashback of her father standing besides her as they waited to go into the chapel on her wedding day.

"Meg, we should move. Are you all right?" Robert asked gently.

She came back to now and smiled then explained "Yes I just flashed back to my wedding, Dad and I standing here waiting to go in. Could even smell the flowers and hear the music."

Robert smiled "The mind's a funny thing. Do you want me to do this?"

She felt her baby stir and settle down again "No, I'm fine thank you." and knew she was.

With a nod Robert walked towards the door and opened it allowing her to walk in, he would stay near the entrance ready to do his bit and knew no one would be coming in behind him, the police officers outside and in the crèche would make sure of that.

oxoxo

As Meg walked in everyone turned to see who had entered, having just settled down from Tim's entrance. She hesitated for a moment; her memories of the wedding and her being the avenging Angel were swept away by the sea of faces and the feeling of sadness for the deceased that came from them. But as she looked back at them she suddenly became calm and amazed at the beauty and peaceful aura that prevailed in the Chapel. The aisle ahead of her and the coffin were suddenly bathed in sunlight as the sun came out from behind the clouds. With a quick glance to the side as she started to walk down the aisle she saw Tim with his guards and lawyer. She could see all this had been very hard for him but was pleased by the slight nod as their eyes met for a split second and knew he would be all right.

She took her time and noted that in spite of the Chapel being full Jack and Jude had managed to squeeze into the row behind Maria and Tess. Her eyes were automatically drawn to the coffin on a stand in front of the Alter; the coffin was open so anyone could say a last farewell as they placing their flowers with the others on the floor. She saw Antonio standing on the slightly raised platform to one side of the Alter, resplendent in his Priest's gowns. As he looked in her direction she saw apprehension mixed with sadness and a flash of relief as he recognised her, she stopped a smile of reassurance from coming. As she passed her friends and family, saw and felt sadness with hints of anger at the death and knew she had to make them understand that Derek was truly forgiven so they could mourn and move on without guilt.

Now as she drew closer to the coffin and the grieving widow, friend and Mother she felt her own emotions come to ahead and was tempted to let them explode especially seeing the genuine grief of Ricardo and Gabi, and hoped he would not be too angry when the truth was told. Feeling her baby fidget then settle down she suddenly felt a wave of calmness wash over her, almost feel her soulmate beside her and gave a nod of acknowledgement and got a nod from Maria so carried on towards the Alter and the coffin.

She knew as far as they were concerned she would say her silent farewell, leave the flowers with the others, and then find somewhere to sit or stand nearby. Once past Maria's pew she looked across at Antonio and gave a nod of acknowledgement, hoping Antonio would wait before speaking. He gave a nod in return and stayed silent. She looked at Casey and saw this had hit him really hard and gave a nod with a hint of sympathy, which he returned likewise then she turned slightly to walk over to the coffin.

Meg stood looking down for a moment as she stood beside the coffin to compose her feelings. Then she look up and saw Derek lying with his hands crossed on his chest, his fringe had not been force down but was as it usually was making him look as though he was peacefully asleep. Just needed that word or touch from her to wake him so he could tell her it was all a mistake, a dream. But, she knew it would not happen and thought of her soulmate's words and love for his twin, and that this was his farewell not hers and drew on his strength to carry on.

She stepped closer to the coffin and leant over slightly and gently put the white rose and then the red rosebuds on his hands saying softly so that only he could hear. "White is for peace you tried to find. Red is for love from one brother to another no matter what." She straightened up still looking at twin stepped back then stopped.

Standing there for a moment she let the shock of the photos she'd seen and things she'd learnt that morning, along with flashbacks of the previous months as well as the knowledge it all could have been stopped and been different wash over and then settle. She felt a deeper understanding surface and realised she did love this twin. Not as a lover but as a wayward brother and she needed everyone to understand that.

It had all seemed easy when they talked about it at the station and in the car, she would simply walk across to Antonio and explain. But now she knew she needed to do more to tell Derek how she really felt and she was happy to be **his** avenging angel.

She breathed deeply and decided to trust in what she had learnt from loving her soulmate, his twin and that was to let her true feelings show and her instincts tell her what to say.

oxoxo

Meg had had no idea what effect her entrance made on the congregation - her beauty or the aura the sunlit aisle gave her as she walked towards coffin. Everyone saw the red and white roses she held and understood she was saying goodbye to a former lover and friend. A few had seen the sunlight catch her ring so knew she'd married her lover and father of her unborn child and had moved.

She did not know either about the ripple of anxiety that ran round the Chapel as she lay the roses in the coffin not outside as all the others had. Nor the relief they felt as Maria had not jumped up to stopped it or the quiet ponderings of where she would sit as the only space was by Carmen and an old lover could not sit with a grieving family surely. They saw Casey who'd been standing silently waiting to give his address about his friend move towards Meg, and reckoned he would escort her back to her family and they would have to move up to let her in.

Casey stepped towards Meg then stopped as she spoke to the man who lay in the coffin in front of her as if he was alive and could hear and understand her.

Meg's voice though gentle and clear had the tone tinged with love and justifiable anger, reminding many of a parent gently chiding a child rather than that of the raging anger of a turned out lover, which the words implied at first. "I should curse the very air you breathed, the ground you stepped on and the lives you cruelly hurt and took.

But I don't.

You asked me to be your avenging Angel so your children who you love are safe, that you will be buried with the name your parents gave you at birth, and your murderers be brought to justice. Lastly but not least, give back the name you took and acknowledge the twin you hurt so much but finally came to love."

Her tone changed to one of gentle acceptance with no anger in it as she added. "I do this willingly with a love of a sister to a brother who in spite of all his faults deserves to rest in peace."

As she finished she let the moment hang almost feeling the shock and puzzlement from the congregation. It would have been silent except for two gasps from the front row. She turned to face them and saw Maria and Tess sitting bolt upright, watching her and saw possibly anger or fear flash across their faces.

Before anyone could react she carried on letting her gentle anger ripple through her words. "You should have trusted his love Maria. He was willing to you give everything you ever asked for even your freedom. Instead you'll have nothing. Not even the clothes you are wearing."

She saw Maria and Tess look at her in horror possibly an unspoken but mouthed "No" but she ignored them and raised her eyes so she talked to everyone and continued the anger replaced by sadness. "He is Derek not Ben. Ben was kidnapped in Seattle, September 1999 and Derek took his memories and his place. Derek sent me a letter which I received after his death telling me he wanted to live his life with his children in peace and named his likely murderers if he should die." Bringing her eyes back to the widow she said. "I would have let him have his freedom and live with his children as he asked, but you and Tess killed him."

"Meg!" Casey exclaimed as he came to her and wrapped his arms around her shoulders letting her lean against him. She accepted his protection and support but watched Maria and Tess.

Maria stood up and took a step forward then stopped. Though pale and tear stained her eyes blazed with anger at the accusation and her anger showed as she waved her hands over towards Tim and then the coffin to reinforce her point as she angrily exclaimed. "**Liar!** … Its bad enough I have to have **Ben's murderer** in the chapel with **me** but to have **you** accuse **Ben **of being **Derek **… is **sick Meg!** ... **That is Ben's body! **… **You** saw **Derek** fall down the cliff... and **You** never forgave Ben for choosing **me** when he returned from Seattle! … **That's why** **you ran away**. … **How** **dare** you say **he's** **Derek!** … **How dare **you ruin my life while you carry **your lover's child!** ... **No! **I correct that … I see you married him … Is that because **Ben's death** **has set you free!**"

Before Robert or Meg could say anything Antonio's calm clear voice stopped Maria in her tracks. "**Maria!** **He is Derek not Ben.**" Looking at the shocked congregation and meeting his sister's frozen glare he paused and gave an almost silent sigh knowing he had to go on.

When he carried on there was sadness and an apology in his voice, he felt as though he'd failed the man but deep down he also knew he could not have done anything differently, Derek had known that at the time he was sure of it, and said. "I left Sunset Beach lunch time that day to seek guidance because the man I knew as Ben Evans came to me and under confessional explained he was Derek and medical records had been changed but Tyus knew the differences. He had Ben killed and you, Maria, knew all about it. … … To his mind the bad part of him died with Ben and only good followed … because of that the past should be allowed to rest. … There were after all two lovely children to care for and they would lose both parents and be put in care if the truth came out. … From what he had seen that morning he was worried that you wanted your freedom with no strings attached. So he was moving on with the children and some of his fortune so at least they would grow up with one loving parent. He reckoned that by leaving you the larger part of his fortune you would know you were safe and he would keep his silence.

He could not understand why it was happening you had everything you could wish for, he adored you and you both loved the children. … He also told me and I believed him that he regretted Ben's death but at the time he really believed it was the only way he could stop his pain and become the person he should have been. He also regretted the deaths he caused and asked for forgiveness. … He went on to tell me I could break my silence only after his death and if Meg was unable to attend his funeral. I…"

Maria shouted across her brother's words, "**Liar! That man's Ben … Derek died!**"

Jude had moved beside her and put a hand on her shoulder and silenced her with firm but gentle. "Enough!"

Meg heard in the silence her father's exclamation "Nothing ever runs smoothly not even his funeral... Why does Meg have to ..."

She guessed her mother hushed her father and saw her sister move in for comfort, and AJ put a protective arm round Bette as her gasp in shock were turning to tears. She knew Mandy would be comforting Annie as the shock rippled round the Chapel as they realised this was not a spat this was something deeper.

Into the ripple of shock Robert who'd walked part way down the aisle said clearly. "Maria. We have all the proof we need and this is a letter that Derek sent to Meg and you all should hear it.

_Dear Meg_

_A plea, don't tear up this letter or the other one when you read my words. _

_I apologies for the tone of the other letter it's not what I feel now or have done for quite a while. _

_If I could have done it any other way I would have. Now there is an admission but you know the strange thing is I think even now my brother would forgive me, even stranger it's his expertise I'm using to protect me and my children as well as Tim and Abby as we run for safety. _

_Yesterday for the first time in my life I wanted my brother by my side, so we might enjoy my happiness together - but not in the selfish way it sounds I wanted it for both of us. …. … … …_

When Robert finished the letter Jude added looking at Tess. "The evidence in the box proves the gun that killed Derek belonged to Tess, which led us to prove she with Maria's help framed Tim. We have deeds in a different name but no doubt the handwriting will match yours, not to mention the wedding certificates and photos that prove without a shadow of a doubt that you and Carmen were at the wedding of Derek and Maria Evans. There is also Benjy's real birth certificate different day and month and names Derek as his father."

Jude paused and looked at Maria who'd steadfastly stayed looking towards the Alter as she listened to the damning letter and evidence and his tone changed to deceivingly casual but let his anger show at the very end as he continued. "Oh yes I've had a word with Mr English. You even reassured him this morning that everything would all right for after the funeral. … So, were you going to dump Benjy and Samantha on Carmen while you played lover instead of a caring mother and widow? … Interestingly, according to Ross English he only stays for a short while then would be off to new pastures, alone. … Perhaps that's what it was on your part … a try out to see if you could still cut it and then a holiday for the grieving widow before you, Tess and the children meet up and start a new life using Ben's fortune! Having got rid of both the loving fathers!"

Maria turned to face him her face full of defiance, but he carried on too quickly for her to say anything, though they kept eye contact. "You can't claim Derek was a threat because you cancelled each other out! … All you had to do was to talk to him and he would have given … **was** giving you your freedom, total freedom! … He loved you so deeply Maria. Instead you took it and his life and failed totally! You and Tess above anyone else should have known better than to try and pull a fast one on Derek, even in death he's made sure his children are safe and you **will** face justice and **will **live with it.

The irony of all this is, he turned to his dead brother's memories and plans so he could flee his soulmate and he turned to his brother's soulmate asking her to become their avenging Angel and was not found wanting. She came through in love and respect for both of them. And you know something strange, during this morning as I've heard Derek's story and in spite of the pain I know he caused I admire him for the love he gave his children and town in the months he's been with us and I'm sorry I will never know his brother Ben."

Maria looked away as Jude spoke but stayed silent.

Tess and Carmen stood as though turned to stone and silent as the truth gradually crept through their shattered thoughts and knew they'd lost everything.

oxoxo

Around the chapel there had been gasps, murmurs and tears as they'd heard the letter, accusations and evidence. All of it mixing in with the recent memories of the twin with his children and some had a little a touch of admiration at the way justice was being done. But all were slowly painfully realising that the real Ben would not be coming back as he had before.

Joan though shocked was remembering the quiet man she'd respected and they'd obviously lost, and heard AJ's whispered "If Ben could have been with us he would have done it with love, Derek didn't lie in the letter he had no reason to, not to Meg." to a tearful Bette and knew they were remembering their wedding day. She felt her husband's arm come round her shoulders in a supportive hug and welcomed it, and then felt Sara's hand grasp hers as she whispered in a shaky shocked tone. "Before he went to Seattle I told him he would not be missed Mum … I didn't mean it like that honest."

She gave her daughter's hand a gentle squeeze, knowing in some ways she was still very young and said gently. "He knew you cared Sara that was enough." And hoped he knew they did care and shut down all thoughts of how he might have died, knowing if he'd lived he would have come back for Meg…

Hank's quiet, edged with deep sadness words "I should have tried harder." cut into her thoughts and she said lovingly understanding his pain "Ssh later love, not now." As part of her was with her other daughter standing at the Alter, and wondered seeing Casey with his arm round Meg's shoulders just who was supporting who. She could see Casey's sadness and saw her daughter's tears as the letter was read out but she'd also seen a glow or aura which was more than just an expectant mum's bloom and wondered if it could be the fact the twin had chosen her to tell the truth, or was there something more and pondered back….

Casey was distraught, his mind was swamped with shock and the horror that Maria could have been such a bitch and that Derek had deceived him ... them and he'd lost his best friend without a fight. And anger at himself he should have known and rescued Ben, that was what he'd been trained to do, rescue people, instead he'd let his friendship go. But there was also a sneaking relief that peaked through – that his friendship had not been tainted and had stayed totally with Ben and not been deceived by Derek. He slammed it down reasoning if he'd been closer to Derek he would have seen the cracks and saved Ben months ago not let him die in some hell hole.

There was also a bit of him that knew he should be consoling Meg after all she'd just found out that she'd been married to Ben, but somehow at the moment he seemed to be getting more strength from her and felt her finger gently brush against his cheek and realised he'd been silently crying and she'd brushed them away.

Silently letting the tears for his lost friend fall, knowing it would take a lot to fill the hole he felt he looked at Meg's face and realised there was something extra there - there was a sparkle in her eyes. They were no longer as sad as they had been … was that because justice was being done and was just going to ask if she was all right - but didn't get the chance.

oxoxo

Jude having said his piece and not wanting Maria to get a second wind continued very officially. "Maria Evans, Tess Truman and Madam Torres I am arresting you for conspiracy to defraud and the murder of Derek and Ben Evans … ….."

As soon as Jude started the formal caution Jack moved swiftly round them to Tess so he acted as a block for Carmen as well knowing full well that when the formal words were heard it would bring them out of their stupor and possibly into action… most likely making them hit out and run for it. He knew Bob and the officers next to Tim would be ready if necessary.

With the meaning of the evidence against his sister and mother sinking in Ricardo's anger grew to boiling point not only for himself but for his brother and Gabi because she'd been hurt by his mother's actions. But, as he heard Jude start the caution the Police Officer part of him took over and as he felt his mother move beside him, it was the anger of a hurt son that sounded in his voice as he spat out. "Don't even think of it Mama!" and reached inside his pocket to where he knew he always carried a pair of handcuffs.

Carman turned to look at her son with indignant innocence and exclaimed. "Ricardo! I have done nothing!"

Jude had finished the formal words and was not going to have any of it and said harshly, "**You** could have stopped it from ever happening Carmen. … Instead **you** helped every step of the way. Right at the beginning you made sure he knew the right people so **you** could kept tabs on him without anyone realising it. After the storm **you** were **their eyes and ears**, now we **will** trace those calls. **You** made sure Ben never got over his loss or had anyone to turn too, not even your sons who he respected.

Of course it helped that Ricardo blamed him didn't it, but then **you **never let your son settle either did you. When Ben started to find himself again **you** pointed them in the direction that lead to the murders on the island. **You** carry responsibility for those as well Carmen not just Derek. **One phone call** to Ben at any time saying Derek was around and he would have moved on with or without Meg, his escape plan would have worked and Maria could have stayed with Derek. Or you could have phone the police without leaving your name but enough information to start the right questions, but you didn't did you. You let them play their games."

Ricardo gasped as all the implications behind Jude's words sunk and glanced at his brother who was standing by the Alter pale and in pain, and spat out harshly. "You never even considered our pain when we thought Maria had died! … **What were we just tools for your plan! **… … The twins may be dead but **I** **will** make sure **you and Maria** repay every cent you owe to Meg and stay in jail for the rest of your lives. …** I am no longer your son!**"

Carmen looked at her son, trying to fend off his anger, after all, she had only done what was right to protect her family he should know that. But his anger was too much so she looked away and looked into Antonio's face and was shocked by his silent anger and started to defend herself so he would understand.

Antonio was too disgusted to even want to hear his mother's words and shook his head and looked away; hoping the congregation would understand that this Priest could not forgive her and that two lives had been lost for greed.

Carmen lost her words, and she shivered as Ricardo's hand grasped her wrist and she felt the cold metal handcuff against her skin. There was not gentleness only cold official firmness as her other wrist was grasped and brought behind her to be cuffed to the other one. Her mind buzzed with anger **"She was being cuffed as though she was a dangerous criminal. She Was Not … She Was His Mother … Who'd Nursed and Protected Him … How Dare He Do This To Her"** but her body stayed still.

At the same time Jude was handcuffing Maria's wrists he was surprised by her silent compliance after her anger. Wondered if the truth it was all over had sunk in but knew anger could come quickly so was ready in case she hit out.

In fact Maria was a mess, her mind had splintered into different types of silent anger, especially at Meg for daring to come back and take everything away from her. And to have the cheek to say she would have let **him** live ... No way, **he** was the one who killed her so called soulmate.

**Hell**, she'd never even thought separation without the kids was a possibility; **his** death had seemed to be the only answer. He'd even left her nearly all his money. **Hell**, If only Tess had waited an hour or so she could have had it all. … To cap it all **he**'d out witted her even in death.

Jude was so wrong Ross was **not **a fling! He would have stayed. There was anger at Ricardo's words to his mother because she knew they were aimed at her as well … as for the forgiving Priest, he had turned away from both of them… How Dare He Judge Her so lightly when he'd sinned himself.

But through it all there was an emptiness that she didn't understand and it had been creeping up on her ever since she woke in the large master bed … alone that morning. It had increased with a jolt when she saw it looking back at her in Benjy's eyes along with his sad gentle question "Why?". Her son had just put the gift of a coin and blue crayon pencil in the coffin and had blown his father a kiss after whispering him a tearful goodbye, and then he looked at her and asked it. He had not expected answer but it had gone through her like a knife … perhaps it was because she could have answered it. Told him she'd just wanted his father gone so she could live her life …but now … …

It was Jude's gentle but firm pressure on her shoulders making her move so he could finish cuffing her hands behind her back, along Tess's sudden outburst that stopped her thinking anymore about the emptiness that was threatening to engulf her.

Hearing the end of Jude's caution and suddenly realising Jack was standing in front of her slammed the truth into Tess's mind and she hit out and struggled to get away shouting. "**You're retired …. ** **You cannot do this! …** **I was at home on the phone!**"

Jack was used to handling struggling 'hell cats' continued with controlled force to put the handcuff on her wrist as he said so everyone could hear, "**I can and will … I'm a police officer just like Jude." **then whispered quickly so only she could hear. "We know the exact time of Derek's death." then continued in a louder voice so everyone else could hear. "And yes you were on the cell phone but at Ocean Drive not your home as you said. …We traced you there by your cell phone." Then as he turned her avoiding a kick and secured her wrist he added with an edge. "Was that call so Maria could hear the shot and Derek's last breathe … proof of death and it was alright to come now."

With her hands cuffed behind her back Tess found she was now facing the shocked and angry congregation instead of the Alter. With the bench in front of her and Jack behind her still holding her wrist she could not struggle, so she opened her mouth to shout her denial, while her mind was trying to convince herself they were tricking her they could not know the truth … could they?

But the shout never came, because Jack's voice floated past her ear as he continued. He had not expected an answer to his question he just needed to make the point. "We know Derek was ill but you and Maria were not. None of you stopped him, which makes you a hundred times worse and **pure evil**. From the very beginning Derek knew your greed would keep you where the money was, remember it is his evidence that led us to you. It will stand up in court because his letter is guidance as to where to look. We searched your home Tim and Meg gave us permission, Tim lives there and the twin's money bought it and Meg is their representative or avenging angel allowed us to look. We found wigs and clothes and the shopkeeper you bribed to implicate Tim he's given us the money and description of two women. A parade and fingerprints will no doubt do the rest. He didn't like the idea of Death Row either, but you will not have the choice."

Tess's mind homed into one point and in desperation she managed to twist slightly sideways and shouted. "You can't the children need us!"

Jude said as he gently but firmly pushed Maria towards the aisle. "When the children said goodbye to their father today they also said goodbye to you, Maria and Carmen. Derek wanted them to be kept safe and they will be. Now remember where you are and walk quietly to and out the door."

Simmons and the other officers came forward and started to usher the three prisoners in the right direction. Ricardo, looking shattered started to follow the group when Jude said quietly. "No Ricardo your place is here with your wife, brother, and Ben's friends, we'll deal with this. Jack can explain everything."

But Jack put a hand on Jude's shoulder and stopped him with a quiet "Wait a moment, there is something else you should know." The gentle command in his voice stopped Jude and everyone else. Would have brought silence into the chapel except a very emotional Casey saying to Meg "I'm so sorry for your loss. Ben was a good friend." and stopped unable to go on.

Meg looked at him with a gentle smile in spite of her tears, which were for Derek and his loss and her voice steady as she said. "Don't ask me to mourn Ben's death because I cannot."

Casey felt a deeper sadness wash over him believing the Meg was too distressed to accept her past lover and friend's death especially now she'd found a new love and said gently as the truth finally sunk in for him. "He's dead Meg."

Joan hearing Meg's reply and Casey's words started to smile … the final pieces had fallen together and she knew why she'd been so protective about her lover, when she'd caught her at the computer and said very quietly. "No. He's John." She heard Sara's shocked and puzzled gasp, and was surprised by her husband's whispered. "Yes" as Meg started to speak again.

Meg's tone was gently firm and clear as she looked into Casey's eyes hoping he would understand as soon as she spoke her words. "No Casey, he is and always will be my Soulmate, husband and the father of my child. My tears are for his brother who he loved in spite of all the pain." She smiled at the surprise on Casey's face as the words started to sink in.

Feeling lighter in his soul Casey gasped remembering things he had seen then voiced his thoughts as the full significance of them settled into place. His voice was understandably shaking with emotion to start off with. "When I was at the interview I saw a wedding photo on the table … Paul and Val were in a horse drawn carriage. … Someone down the corridor asked about Meg but the door was closed quickly to hear the rest. … When I glanced back at the table the photo had gone. … You mentioned Paul once and commented it was a common name and never his partner's name. … I thought it was just you doing it by yourself … But it wasn't … you were both were bringing us home for the birth of your son. Oh Meg!" He smiled with pure delight as he finished and gave her a gentle hug.

As Joan felt Hanks arm around her shoulders tighten she said quietly. "Don't be cross, they deserve happiness." and was surprised by his quiet gentle reply. "You're right they do and we will be there for them this time."

The ripple of surprise went round the congregation as Meg's words sank in and Jude who thought nothing more could surprise him about these brothers and was standing near Tim turned to Jack for confirmation.

Jack nodded and made sure he spoke to both of them as he explained and apologised. "Sorry we could not tell you before. But we needed you to take the right steps to get the knowledge so they could not wriggle out of the charges. If the letter could not be used in court we hope the evidence that you found from it would. Also the vipers in the nest might have sensed things they were on edge and would have caused trouble and that is the last thing either of the twins wanted."

Jude nodded finding that was all he could do for the moment as he mind starting to rush over possibilities. Tim nodded and smiled understanding Meg's avoidance as they talked during the morning and felt relief that something good had come of the whole thing.

There were three gasps of "**No, she's lying**" which were quickly stopped by the police officers and Tyus got up and spoke, knowing everyone would trust his word. "Yesterday Robert flew me over to Meg's home and I identified John as Ben Evans. We took a photo as proof he is alive." and took out a photo of them all outside the stables and passed it with the others help over to Jude. As it was passed over the people looked and smiled noting the difference in the twin.

Hank looked towards the door expectantly and Tyus guessed he thought Ben would walk in now the danger was over and said. "Hank, Ben cannot travel." then looked across to Jack knowing he would take up the story.

Jack nodded and said, "I rescued him from a very bad traffic accident, which killed his jailers. My family and I have been looking after him ever since. Once we knew some of his past we knew it was too dangerous for the truth to be known so he became John Smith and legally protected. Then by a strange twist of fate Meg found us and on the day Derek was murdered we found just how strong the twin's connection was. Ben collapsed into unconsciousness calling Derek's name, apparently he held Derek as he died in the lounge of Ocean Drive, though he didn't see Tess he later he remembered he'd smelt her perfume in the room. He knew it was not a common brand and who supplied it so we checked and found she'd bought some recently.

Because we didn't know what happened only that Derek was in trouble Meg immediately rang Robert who went to investigate and came across Jude and the truth. Yesterday morning Robert rang us with details about Tim's arrest and from what Hank told us John knew that both Tim and Derek with the children were going to flee for their lives from Tess and Maria. We will never know whether Derek would have told Tim the whole truth but we do know that Tess killed Derek on Maria's orders. And it was John's suggestion to check Tess's cell calls because he knew about the two masts and that proved her guilt and Tim was being set up.

Then Derek's letters to Meg arrived and we found out about Maria's true betrayal and Derek's request that Meg to become their avenging Angel. I offered to take her place but she wanted to come so you would understand that they both forgive Derek. You need to hear the whole story to understand the twins but one thing I can tell you now is that John wanted his brother to have love and happiness in spite of the pain he was caused."

Antonio's voice cut in gently "I think close family and friends should adjourn to another room to hear the story. But first, after the prisoners have left, I would ask for a moment of pray for Derek. We know he has done many bad things in his life but I think you will agree with me for the months that we knew him he not only loved his children but also carried on the good things his brother did and it is right we should mourn for the life that was taken away."

It only took a moment for the prisoners to be led out and the congregation to come to order. Meg stood beside Derek's coffin as Antonio said the pray and when he had finished she turned slightly to it and said gently as though talking to him, though everyone could hear the words. "Ben loved you and wanted you to be happy and you were for a while. You called to him and he held you and forgave you as you died. I have willingly done as you asked and your children will be safe. If Ricardo and Gabi cannot look after them then Tim will, and we will not forsake or forget them and they will know of your love. From your brother and I rest with love and peace."

Antonio walked over to Meg and said quietly "Thank you." and then took her arm, Casey followed and as they made their way down the aisle their friends and close acquaintances got ready to follow them.

Meg stopped as she came level with her father suddenly feeling guilty especially as they had argued over love and trust and said. "I'm sorry Dad …"

Her father put a hand on her arm and interrupted her. "Meg Evans I am proud of you. We will talk later after everything has been explained."

She smiled seeing the truth and love in his eyes and her mother's and nodded and knew everything would be all right and started walking again. She heard whispered words from Casey to Sara as she joined the group.

As Jude and Jack reached the corridor Jude asked. "So if I had asked Meg about her husband what would you have said?"

Jack hid his smile as he answered. "The truth and sworn you to silence, but you saw the ring and thought it would be embarrassing to ask about a husband when you were dealing with the death of the other one."

Jude smiled, "Umm knew you were good at your job by your credentials, so I should have paid more attention to the phones trace then."

Jack admitted with a smile. "Yes I was hoping you would not ask how we got their numbers."

Jude nodded and asked. "Was it your idea about arresting them at the funeral?"

Jack chuckled. "No it was John's idea though I suspect that's what Derek had in mind when he wrote the additions to the Will."

Jude gave gentle chuckle and said with respect. "Those twins were good." Then stopped suddenly remembering and exclaimed. "Hell! The press statement I need to change it. Can't let them start without me!"

Jack smiled and before Jude flew off said. "Just say the women have been arrested for Derek's death and Ben is alive story will follow. He wants Vanessa and Bette to tell it this side and a friend their side."

Jude nodded already thinking something up to tell them.

oxoxo

A Nun came into the Chapel and knelt in pray near the coffin, there were only two people from the congregation who were sitting quietly in their seats.

AJ had his arm round Bette's shoulders as they sat reading the letter Mandy had given her just before she had guided Annie out.

_Dear Aunt Bette_

_I know I can never undo the harm my brother has done on what should have been the happiest day of your life. _

_If you have heard or read the letter Derek wrote before he died then you will know that he and I hold the same degree of love and respect for you - a loved aunt and friend. There was no pretence that day in how he felt or how I would have felt if I had been there, so please remember that day with happiness and joy. _

_Before I left I noticed a look of joy when you were in AJ's company if this is what has grown into love then I know it is something very special and you are very happy. _

_As for my story you will hear it from Jack, he would have come on my death but instead I found a second chance of life and then Meg and happiness. I had already decided that once Meg's family had arrived he should come and tell the truth regardless of the outcome. I did not want her family to have to live with the hidden truth any longer than they had too, but events happened._

_I meant no disrespect to Mark or the others my brother killed or to anyone in Sunset Beach as I let my brother live my life. Perhaps selfishly I wanted him to have a chance of the happiness and love I was finding, and my parents wanted him to have. Robert kept an eye on things, he and Jack would have moved in if anyone was in danger, though having said that I failed my brother in that respect. Part of me wonders if that was meant to be. At least he is at peace and no one can hurt him anymore and his children will be safe to grow up knowing love and the whole story about their father. _

_I have recovered as much as I will do, as I'm unable to travel in a motorised vehicle I will have to let my family travel without me, perhaps that is my punishment. I have good friends who are willing to be around all the time, Meg will have her family around her and she will be free to visit her friends when ever she wants too. _

_You've met Jack and Mandy, her daughter and husband are my carers no doubt you will get to know them better as my story is told, they have been very kind and I love them. _

_I hope that after the anger and sadness you rightly feel you will forgive me and find your way over to my new home and family. _

_As you can see Meg is very happy please forgive her, her lies on my behalf. She is my soulmate and has my love and I treasure hers forever. _

_Please give AJ my regards and apologies for everything. I hope he understands and forgives me._

_With love and hope_

_Ben._

Bette folded the letter and silently rested her head against AJ feeling his warmth and hearing his gentle words. "There is nothing to forgive he did what was right, you know that."

She gave a gentle nod of her head then said. "I know and I'm glad he did it. In a strange way he gave his brother a chance to become whole and be at peace. I want to see him once we've sorted everything out and his family are settled." She moved away from him and looked at him and said with half a smile regardless of the tears that were staining her cheeks. "Lets find the others before the story has been told after all I do have a column to write."

AJ smiled admiring his wife's attitude and said gently. "This one will be written with love and understanding."

"Oh yes and very long." Bette finished with a smile as she got up and started to walk out. But then turned round and walked towards the coffin and looked at the sleeping figure and said sadly because of his loss not hers. "If Meg and your brother can forgive you then I forgive you … rest in peace." She felt AJ beside her and turned tucked her arm in his and walked out of the Chapel to find the others.


	58. Chapter 58

**CHAPTER 58 **

Walking silently beside Antonio, Meg could feel his confusion and guilt and wanted to reassure him it was all right but knew it wasn't he had lost so much today, and hoped that her story would help him in someway and not increase the hurt. In spite of her thoughts and her body and baby getting over what had happened she caught snatches of conversations between her family with Jack's voice even further back as he called out names so the right people were in their group and Mandy had the letters and it really….

Her thoughts were broken by Antonio's quiet voice. "I should have acted and prevented his death … but he really believed he was moving quickly enough and they could live apart and she would not chase him. … I mean she could not … the hold over each other was enough, surely." He paused briefly trying to get his mind away from the ever decreasing circle of guilt and hurt and glancing at Meg realised he'd said it out loud and added truthfully. "I really meant it when I said he regretted his brother's death you could see it in his eyes as he said it. We were sitting in the side chapel not in the box … But to have kept him for four months and arrange for his death … are they really the people we knew." He paused again breaking the thoughts moving them on and then sighed as he carried on. "I should have realised about Tim … what he said … but the evidence was piling up against him." He sighed. "Those children how are we going to tell them especially Benjy … and you, Meg they played with your love. It's such a mess." He stopped, run out of circles to go in and knew they'd come to the room and opened the door.

Meg stopped before going in and said gently. "Antonio I know words won't mean much at the moment but don't blame yourself, it was their choices and you did your best and the right thing. John … Ben hopes you and Ricardo will be able to accept and love and guide the children so they know they are not to blame and they were loved. He doesn't want anyone to feel guilty about not knowing about the switch, he's sorry he couldn't act earlier and we do love each other." She paused and started to go into the room then added. "Mandy has his letter to you, I hope you'll read it and be able to do what he asks."

"Do you know what's in it?" Antonio asked while thinking over her words and starting to accept where the blame and followed her in.

Meg smiled. "Not all but some is to do with his brother's body and if you can't then tell me or Jack and we'll sort something out and he will understand your decision. I do know he respects you and the friendship you used to have and hopes to have in the future."

Antonio said softly remembering. "Yes … I suppose we know each other well enough" and sighed "families are messy sometimes."

Thinking of her own arguments with her family Meg chuckled adding. "Always … perhaps that's why we have them."

Antonio couldn't help his smile and felt a bit better and said as he led her to a chair. "I will make sure Derek's body is taken care of. If you don't mind I think I should be with Ricardo."

She nodded and stayed standing watching him go then turned slightly saw her father coming towards her and saw the rest of the family were with him. She glanced round the group as if taking in the rest of the room as well noting they were starting to form a semi circle around her and the chair … and wondered if that was good, no way out but at least she'd be able to take to them without swivelling round. On the other hand she could see that in spite of her father's earlier words there was anger in his body language and sternness in his expression. Oh Yeah anger building up with every step he took and now what on a short fuse just waiting for a spark to set it off. Great and of course John would be the guilty party not her... she silently sighed and corrected herself Ben not John. She'd really have to get use to the change and took a breath and started to think of a way to head off the coming explosion knowing if it came it would take out all the bridges they'd built up over the past months when he didn't know who her lover was … and turned casually and faced her father.

With all his thoughts brewing in his mind Hank eyed his daughter and said heatedly. "**He's** just as manipulating as his brother was, otherwise **he** would have done something sooner!"

'Oh hell' Meg thought knowing from his look he was referring to her pregnancy, which was totally unfair and knew her soulmate had been right, her father's anger would always be there. She was his 'little daughter' to be protected especially against big bad husband. Well too bad this little daughter was going to tell him off. But she also knew she didn't want a 'shouting match' because the two of them would have to get along and the two men would have to meet sometime and get to know each other. For that she needed him to be calm, to listen, not to walk out in a huff and make things really awkward for her mother who had always respected her soulmate regardless.

She took a breath and looked at him in the eyes and said gently but firmly. "Dad as **you** wellknow it takes **two** to do **it**, and it was **our** decision to try for a family. **I knew** at the time he might never walk again or he might die if he got ill but to **me** that did not matter we would cope. **We** did it because **we** love each other just like you had us because you love Mum and wanted it."

She paused as soon as she saw he was starting to get the point and knew he would get the deeper meaning as either Jack or Mandy explained Ben's injuries, and then carried on before he had the chance to say anything. "Dad, I felt at home in the town where I live now even before I knew Ben was there. **I** want you to stop this anger long enough to hear his … **our** story. And then you can decide whether you or the rest of the family want to back come with me. My husband and I need it to be your own decision or yours and Mum's and it will be fine if you want to stay here. I will visit with our family when ever I can. John … Ben would never restrict me even though he cannot travel or even go into the town as you or I can. But, I will admit to you now** I **will not stay away from him for long because **I** don't like it."

She gave a quick look round at the others so they knew they were included, knew this would kick up stink from her father but also to lie now would be worse continued. "I would really love you to come and live near us but things have changed not only because of Derek's death but Paul no longer has the firm. Though he and his wife are hoping to start up new projects soon and Casey will have a different job to what he thought. Jo … Ben wants you to get to know him as the person he is now…"

Hank interrupted angrily and sharply. "**So,** Casey's job was a** lie** and **when** exactly were you going to tell us the truth **before **or **after** the point of no return?"

Meg managed to stop her sharp laugh and shook her head - her soulmate was right it would be an up hill struggle of hurt and guilt for all of them - and that thought made her long for her soulmate to be beside him and hoped Simon and Jackie were with him, and sighed as she carried on. "Dad, the job and interview were real right up until the evening before Derek was murdered." She eyed him as she said pointedly. "I don't know, it must be a family thing. Val's family cut her out of the firm she had been running for the last six years, **and** before you ask, at a profit and a very big firm. Not only that they engineered it so Paul's firm was taken out from under him with accusations of malpractice and fraud against him thrown in, which are being investigated now **and** he'll be found not guilty. Hence no job for Casey at the moment."

She was pleased her father broke her gaze first so she took a breath and changed her tone saying. "As for telling you about us, we needed you all safe and were going to invite you for Sunday lunch to explain it all, the job and flats were in one town we in the other giving you space if you needed it. Jack was then going to go to Sunset Beach and sort things out. Of course we would not have known the whole truth then possibly never would have. Yes Dad it was at Ben's request and regardless of the fact **it** could have killed him."

Her father was looking at her again so she paused just long enough for her words to sink in and then added. "Don't you see, he didn't expect you to live our lie, he wanted my family safe and around me so if he died I would have support. He could have died Dad; Mandy believes Derek would have killed himself even taken the children and Maria with him once he knew Ben was alive.

But Maria and Tess killed him and Ben collapsed trusted Simon his other carer to look after him, **but** I and baby John were the only things that grounded him, kept him with us. He loves me and respects you and our family and misses Casey terribly … don't you think he's been through enough and deserves something back. Our tale is full of coincidences that are hard to believe, as well as the miracle he survived the kidnapping and the accident at all. Once you've heard it take your time and then give me your answer that's all I ask."

Hank could see the deep sincerity in his daughter's face and heard it in her voice which had not been loud as it could have been when she was angry at him. He also felt his wife's hand on his arm, her touch told him so much but before he could speak, Sara with her voice showing her excitement and determination said. "**We** are going Dad and will visit you if you stay here. But I suspect Mum will also go with Meg and stay till after her grandchild is born."

Hank knew that tone and looked at his wife and saw a nod and half a smile and smiled himself as his anger was suddenly going and looked at Meg and said gently. "I think the decision has been made, but we will have to sort things out before we go. When were you going home?"

Meg smiled, knowing he knew he was out numbered and manoeuvred but from his face he did not regret it, perhaps that fact alone would give him space so he could come to terms with things, and anyway she liked the way he said 'home' not back to 'him' as he could have and said genuinely. "Thank you" then added looking at the rest of them. "All of you." then carried on with a trace of regret. "To be honest I would go this evening but I can't. So, tomorrow lunch time is the first flight time, after that it would be late afternoon or mid evening. It should take about two hours as we are flying straight there and then about an hour's drive."

The family nodded their acceptance and seeing she was slightly over come now everything was sorted out Joan gently pressured her into sitting down, which Meg did and then she let everything wash over her as the others found chairs or stood beside her and chatted things over. As she sat quietly she noticed Mandy was talking to people and handing out a few letters then walked over to Tim, Ricardo, Antonio and Gabi who'd gathered in a group of their own and talked to them as she gave them their letters. No one was shunning them but nor were they intruding just giving them space so everyone got used to it all.

Then there was an extra bustle as a group came in and she saw Bette coming in her direction saw she was sad, happy and tearful all at once. Well, she wasn't going to greet her sitting down so got up and found herself in a hug and an emotional muted exclamation of "Muffin, tell him there is nothing to forgive and we will visit soon." then AJ gently peeled Bette off her and with a smile and a nod steered her towards Vanessa who was reading a letter Mandy had given her. Meg smiled and nodded 'yes' and she hadn't really expected anything else from Bette and she was grateful to AJ because she didn't think she could handle Bette temperament at the moment and briefly wondered if the letter Vanessa was reading was the one her soulmate wanted published, his apology to all the people in Sunset Beach.

oxoxo

Jack looked round the room watched everyone settle down and smiled at Mat as Jude and Robert slipped in beside him. Yep, everyone was here so knocked on the table and got everyone's attention and started. "I know you all will be shocked by what has happened and will be when you hear the story. To be honest I still don't know how he survived. I would ask that you keep the details of you hear here private, only retell the bits you hear on the new or read in the press."

He paused and looked over at the business associates who were grouped together and carried on. "John… Ben would like you all to know that any financial and business commitments Derek made will be honoured. I hope Charles and I will be able to sort some of that out this afternoon and tomorrow morning or at least start the ball rolling. But we will need details as soon as possible. Some of you will also have letters of intention, which should be read when we've finished here."

He got nods then glanced round the room silently letting everyone they were included in the next bit. "As you all know Jo … Ben is a very private person but he believes that you should hear his whole life story to be able to understand why he did what he did and then move on. He does not want any of you to feel guilty about the fact no one spotted the impersonation or that you respected or even liked his brother while he was here. He is sorry for the pain that Ricardo, Antonio and Tim are going through and doesn't want a shadow to hang over the children either. As he put it the blame lies with Carmen, Maria, Tess and a twin thing that happened because he survived after birth, and no one else.

Before I go any further let me introduce two people who were not only stepping stones in the story but were willing to take a leap of faith and help keep an eye on what was going on here. They are Robert who you know and Mat Croydon of the Croydon Empire." at the expressions of surprise and added to make sure they understood. "Yep the very big one and he provided a plane on 24hr standby should anyone have to be moved out at short notice; he also acted as an extra safe guard on Meg's visits. I by the way am a Sheriff who also turns his hand to being traffic cop when needs be, Mandy my wife is a trauma doctor who inherited the hotel we live in and Jackie's my daughter who is a trauma nurse and Meg's friend and Simon her husband John's carer.

I said in the chapel John … Ben held Derek as he died, you should also know that Ben went to Meg in a dream to say goodbye when he was close to death and in doing so found the strength to live. I believe it was the day of Vanessa and Michael's wedding because he saw Meg's bridesmaid's dress hanging on the wall and thought it was her wedding dress and she was marring Casey."

There were gasps as Meg smiled and nodded yes.

Jack smiled and carried on. "More of that little story later … there are so many links or coincidences in this story you could almost say Fate was pushing in the right direction for the couple to meet up again. There was of course Meg meeting Robert at the airport and her trip to Boston where after the conference Robert met Mat … those two had spoken on the phone a lot of times but this was their first face to face meeting. Because they liked and trusted each other Meg took the job Mat offered as well as the extra one as a PA for his cousin Paul." He saw Casey smile and continued. "Yes the same Paul that Casey was going to work for, **but** the bigger twist in this tale is that Paul knew Ben as Peter when he first came to America many years ago."

He gave a small nod at the expressions of disbelief and sighed, yeah things were going to get complicated for them all and he hoped Meg and Mandy would correct him if he got too twisted and carried on. "Although Paul is part of Mat's family he had cut himself off from them, had no job, broke and happened to sleep the doorstep of a nightclub because it was the only warm place. It was by the way a run down thing, which Jo … Ben was hoping to make good. Instead of being kicked off as the owner came out Paul was offered a job and they became partners, till Jo… Ben glimpsed Derek in town and moved on leaving a note saying the nightclub was Paul's giving no reason and an order that he should not try and find him. The trust and nightclub set Paul on his way to find his own fortune and the mystery of his friend's disappearance was not solved till he saw Meg in the office with Mat that day, and she saw a photo of the two men together.

Time passes and we move to when Meg started working for Paul and their so call trip to Canada. I say it was ill fated from the start Val Paul's fiancée was meant to go but couldn't so Meg was going instead, then there was a business crisis that delayed their leaving to top that their brand new car took fright and broke down on the main road to Canada. In fact close to the sport where I met a certain John Doe on cold icy day, but we weren't into the icy season and it was a peaceful day. Till we got a call about a break down, as we talked I realised it was on the main road on the flat in a lay-by between the steep bit and the bends so breathed a sigh of relief and passed it onto the garage and went back to our quiet day.

Typically the car needed a special part, which would not arrive till the next day so they had to inform the hotel they wouldn't be there but they couldn't reach them by phone so they decided to explore the town and find an internet café and use emails. As the garage is on the outskirts of the town and the hotel is the other side of town they given the spare car to get about. I should add it was our hotel; we have an agreement to put up travellers in distress. The directions they were given were simple drive through town and you can't miss it. I can assure you it was way up market from what they were expecting." He got a couple of smiles and brought everyone back to the story. "But back to travellers they had split up as Paul got side tracked by an interesting company and Meg with her computer on the hunt for our version of an Internet Café had found a couple of shops. Luck smiled on her and she found it just as it was closing and it lead to the most interesting meeting I think ever seen."

He gave Meg a quick glance, to check how much he should tell and received her quick half smile and nod, knew she was still happy with what they'd discussed earlier and carried on. "The place was disserted but an assistant and dog came from the back and it was decided she could have a drink and send the mail while the assistant closed up. I came in to collect John and Meg doesn't mind me telling you this that when he wheeled himself into the café area and they saw each other her world stood still and all the anger she'd ever felt welled up and really exploded. As you can imagine it was not pretty and hurtful things were said and though I tried to stop realising who she was she cut me off and explained he was not John but Derek.

John was of course in total shock but he also understood and took all her anger and hurt, and after she'd slapped him across his face he silently grabbed her hand and kissed her fingers. He explained later it was the only thing he knew would stop her … words would not have worked so he banked on their connection … and it work. She thought Derek had grabbed her and she was going to be a hostage instead she knew by the kiss and his touch he was Ben not Derek." He smiled still remembering the effect it had on him and said wistfully. "I wished it had been videoed but it wasn't" his tone changed slightly as he carried on. "In spite of that amazing moment when even I could see they loved each, he told her to leave immediately and be able to go back to her family, but if she stayed she'd have to get to know a different man from one she knew before. He had an appointment with a specialist to see if he was going to be able to walk again and if the pain he was in meant anything. So he and I left in our horse and open carriage it was the only way we could travel and he could only do it for short distances on quiet roads. But Meg didn't leave, instead she went with Jackie and Shep our faithful alert dog to John's apartment and met up with my wife and heard some of his story. She told me later that she felt as she'd watch us leave that she'd finally come home."

He paused briefly allowing everyone especially Meg's family grasp it all and looked for one person when he found her he said. "Talking of which, Vanessa you should be getting a call soon from our reporter come editor Bill who is taking down John's story. I hope you will be able to work with him on both your stories; of course you'll have to check with Jude what you can and can't put in. Before I go on I should mention that although the twins didn't get on they had a loving if strange childhood and I'll let Mandy tell that later."

He turned to the briefcase that Mandy had put on the desk and found a file and as handing it over to Jude said. "This morning was the first time I saw photos and names of the jailers who kept Ben in Seattle, I've only known them through their DNA which is in the file … they are dead so any outstanding cases can be closed."

Jude took the file and nodded remembering the information they'd found.

Jack then took out a pile of photos from the briefcase and as he laid them on the table so everyone could see them he admitted. "I'm sorry but to me he's going to be John … and my adopted son …though goodness knows what he's going to answer to when we get home." He looked up at them adding. "It might also help you to think of him as John and not have two Ben's running around your minds. **And **yes it's a painful story but please remember he has a wife and a son on the way, he also has friends where he is and has never forgotten his friends here and that includes you Ricardo, Antonio, Gabi and Tim." He had glanced over in their direction as he spoke to make sure they understood he really meant his words that these were not just platitudes, saw Tim's slightly puzzled look and added. "He respected your love for Abby and the way you've put your life back on track."

Then so as not to cause further embarrassment and seeing Tim understood he carried on in a tone that was serious but slightly casual knowing the photos he was going to point to or have to hand round would have a kick of their own. "As I said I sometimes act as a traffic cop, usually on icy cold mornings or days and as you know that's when accidents happen. To be honest with you I think it's the lads' way keeping their boss on his toes or getting back at me for the paperwork I give them.

Anyway we had a shocked panicky 911 call over a truck radio system - that he, the driver was trapped hurt having been in a pile up with car and was blocking the road, which was a sheet of ice. So we had everything out and decided to close road into Canada to give us space. When we arrived we knew it was justified the truck was across the road nose in one of the trees and cargo needed to be unloaded for it to be made safe. Then we found out it was not just a car and truck if you look closely you can see a white van is in front of the car and a lot of it under the belly of the truck.

So we made everything safe, which was slow due to the ice, dealt with the injured either by ambulance or the helicopter to the main hospital in the town further down the valley. We also took photos and measurements etc. By the time we were ready to deal with the dead in the van, we were down to the skeleton crew and body bags with the emergency helicopter returning and staying in the air just in case something happened while we moved vehicles apart. It was fairly easy as the truck was unloaded and then it was taken away and we sent the helicopter off to quickly check the higher road before going back to base.

As far as we could tell there had been two people in the van and there was no hope of getting photos or fingerprints for id. The only thing we could do was to take blood samples and hope to trace DNA for both of them. There had been a dividing wall between the front and back of the van and it appeared that this stopped the van from going completely under. So as you can see the front was squashed down to the floorboards and the back top was dented, then of course there were the rear door which were bent when the car hit them. We already knew the number plates were false having checked when the car was removed, so we reckoned there was a possibility of stolen goods in the back and hopefully some information about the deceased.

We had time to do things now rather than later at the station pound as the tow truck had to come back for us, so I as boss decided to see if we could prise the badly damaged rear doors open to be honest it didn't matter if we failed and it was better than just waiting after the mess we had just seen and dealt with." He paused not bothering to hide his shiver as a flashback and a 'what if he hadn't done it' caught up with him and added softly. "I can honestly say I look at accidents differently now."

He got control of himself and pointed to the photos as he continued. "As you can see it was a mess inside … … from the second I found a foot bound to another … not knowing whether the victim was dead or alive I put the whole thing under wraps and opened our local hospital as an emergency base. I recalled the helicopter, which just up the road literally and let my brother-in-law who was the emergency doctor take charge of the victim's his medical care. Our John Doe whether he was alive or dead became a motorcyclist who skidded further up the road and the helicopter spotted him. If he came round as far as the world was concerned he had no memory, to me and later my family he became someone special who needed protecting regardless. It was not till a lot later I found out that he heard my voice though he could not understand a word I said, it was my tone and touch that counted. I on the other hand barely felt a pulse but stayed attached to him, hoping and talking while we got him out then flew to the hospital. At my brother in law command the specialists from across the valley flew in as they stabilised Joe Doe I kept in touch and looked through the information we gathered from the back of the van ... …"

Jack took his time telling the rest of the story letting them see the photos, get over their shivers of disgust and understand just how bad things had been and the care they had given Ben right up to the present day and what would have happened had he not survived. After that he and Jude took them through the months in the basement in Seattle and then Mandy told them the earlier years as promised.

oxoxo

So their man of mystery and Bette's Prince of Darkness' past was finally known and Mandy's quiet final request, that Meg be left alone was respected. Most of listeners were still a bit shell shocked, as well as amazed that the couple actually found each other. So there was a gentle general bustle as people started to sort themselves out to go off and read their letters or check to see about meetings or just confirmed with the others that it was real and life would go on as normal. Ricardo, Tim. Gabi and Antonio slipped away as quickly as they could so they to see the children as well as read the letters and talk about the future. As they'd passed people they'd been given signals that told they were still amongst friends and wanted.

As Jude tucked Annie in a protective cuddle as she tried hard to come to terms with it all and was taking her out so she could read her letter a cell phone rang. Of course everyone stopped and started checking theirs till Vanessa answered hers and called Bette and AJ over. Meg guessed it was likely to be Bill and knew it meant things were moving at that end and her soulmate was okay, if he wasn't she would have know. She had been trying to settle her mind, true she'd lived part of the story but hearing it laid out like that frightened her and without realising it she quietly said what was going though her mind. "If I hadn't got so mad at Dad I needed to move so never accepted Robert's offer at the airport how would I have found Ben?"

Joan was sat beside Meg wondered how the hell you answered that one.

But Mandy who'd heard her words having moved away from the table crouched in front of her not worrying about treading on Joan's feelings and knowing Meg needed answers that were below the surface in her mind said gently. "You know the answers, even helped him work through the idea."

Meg's whispered "Plan for Casey."

Nodding 'yes' Mandy carried on. "If you had stayed or moved else Jack or I would have done the ground and found out what you were doing thinking. He was already thinking up ways of tracing you as he'd lost sight of you. There were two things he needed to know, one that you were not involved with some else and still love him and two he had a full life to live if you said yes. All he ever wanted was for you to be happy with or without him and that you would not grieve about his death alone you had your family close by. He didn't want you to have the heartache of finding him only to lose a couple of months later or to be a burden on you and you would have known he was loved and not alone. Instead you found a quicker better route to us."

Mandy gave a smile with a little sigh not knowing what the family decided said. "You know life never really stands still, certainly not where you two are concerned or the people around you come to that, Paul and Val are a good example. There's no need for that niggle or night fear it's all in the past, and I'm guessing that at least Casey will come back with us and Ben will make sure everything is all right while he finds a job. You know there are rooms waiting for your family at the hotel for as long as they want them, try and look forward to the trip home and your child to come Meg" then added gently understanding her unspoken fear. "Ben has his hawks with him you know that."

Meg smiled and gave a slight nod, feeling Mandy's love and understanding and knew it was true and since she'd found her soulmate their love was so much deeper there was nothing to fear about the past and said gratefully, "Thank you." then added with a slight laugh. "I suppose I should warn him we are all coming." and glanced at her family just to make sure they had not changed their minds.

Her parents nodded without checking each other while Sara and Casey didn't hide their smiles, they were coming whatever. Meg looked back at Mandy who was grinning at their reactions, and asked hopefully. "Couldn't we make it tonight?" she felt good and the baby felt okay and she soo desperately wanted to be with her soulmate.

Tyus, who had come over and been listening said gently but firmly. "No, you need rest" She looked at him with deep pleading eyes but Tyus only smiled and said quickly. "Hey … no butts young lady. Ben knows you need rest and **he** told me I was to be strict with you."

She laughed "All right!" then sighed. "I don't want John arriving this side of the mountains anymore than Ben does. … It feels strange calling the baby John and Ben Ben if you see what I mean."

Joan smiled and asked, "Why call him John?"

Meg smiled. "It was his father's name and of course its Dad's … so sort of joins both families. Robert is going to be his second name, we did think of Jack but he said there were too many already. If this had not happened then he would have been Robert John Cummings. We both like the name and Robert has been so good to us all, he and his wife are going to be God parents as well."

Hank looked at his daughter, his pride for her was too high to count and was starting to understand his son in law and said thoughtfully. "I don't know, perhaps something has brought you two together again … I can see how happy you are and to be honest I'm amazed he managed to survive and still stay sane." He paused for a moment and really looked at his daughter and then said gently hoping she understood just why he used his name and said. "Tell Ben, I am very proud of him and look forward to meeting him and I'm sorry for his loss. … Now, we will give you peace as we have a lot to sort out. Mandy, you said accommodation is that until the flats are available?"

Mandy liked what she saw in his reaction and said. "The flats are mixed up in this family mess Val is going through so not available at the moment and are an hour's drive away." She gave gentle laugh as she added "There is the fact I would never be forgiven if rooms were not available for you but regardless they will be for as long as you want them, of course that could mean a life time if you like the service as Meg and Ben do." She ignored Meg's "Hey!" as she carried on. "As you heard the money Ben got helped save the hotel so he owns part of it and we are never full though that part of the plan is getting harder to fulfil as so many people like to come back to see a different season and they bring a friend etc. If you excuse me I must catch Jack." With that she left the group.

Meg looked at her father saw he really meant his words and guessed things could turn out all right after all and said gently. "Thanks Dad. Casey, will you wait a moment."

Charles came over and handed Meg the parcel and gently rested a hand on her shoulder as she started to get up and said. "I'll read my letter later; but don't worry we'll sort any legal stuff out with all the other parties. I'm glad you found him. Joan, Hank I need a word." With that the group moved a way from Meg.

oxoxo

Now she and Casey were alone Meg dialled and waited then smiled at the voice that answered and said. "Ben, how's things."

She heard his gentle laugh at her deliberate use of his name and then felt a warm glow as he said. "Meg Evans I was going to ask the same thing. Quiet at the moment, guess I should tell you Tony and the bank manager were shocked of course but good afterwards, there are a few things to sort out. Bill is in seventh heaven wondering how much to print whether it's going to make another paper let alone a page. He has a wonderful photo of the gang riding into town, your turn."

She laughed pleased to hear him so happy and wanting to reassure him knowing his fears said "It all went well, I've given your brother the roses and the women were arrested at the chapel. Tim is with Abby, he is going to stay and look after the Shock Wave. I think Ricardo and Gabi are going to look after the others but if not Tim wants too, Antonio will be with them all, they've got your letters so I'll no doubt hear from them later. Everyone sends their love and the family will see you tomorrow afternoon providing the plane can take off with all of us on board."

There came a gentle. "No explosions then" Meg giggled and decided not to answer that one, as he carried on "I'm glad you're all right I know I'll miss you but it's for the best."

She knew he was reinforcing the Tyus words and answered back gently. "I know and I'll miss you. Mandy's handed out your letters and Vanessa has the one to everyone I expect she'll print it at the beginning of the article."

"That sounds good." There was a pause then he asked. "Bette all right?"

Meg smiled remembering Bette's words to her when she joined them. "Yes very emotional she said there is nothing to forgive and sends her love they will come up later. She is helping Vanessa with the story of course. I think Jude's taken Annie away to read your letter she'll be all right once she's over the shock."

There was a short silence so Meg broke it, looking at Casey with a smile as she spoke; she knew Ben must have been feeling so many emotions at the moment. "I've got someone who wants to speak to his brother in law."

She heard his gentle laugh as well as Casey's as he took the phone from her.

Casey was amazed his voice sounded clear as he spoke, even though he could feel a lump in his throat, "Hi Ben thank you for thinking of us and bringing us home for the birth of your son."

For a moment there was silence Casey let it ride settling his own emotions.

Ben's voice was emotional as he spoke. "You did not mind."

It amazed Casey that he should ever question it but remembered all they had been told and reassured his friend. "You loved us enough to think of our safety … no, we don't mind. I'm sorry for your loss. As for the job I'm quite happy to try my hand at stable boy and trail guide along with helping a friend on the side." He heard Ben's chuckle they both knew no one would be out on the street or jobless and carried on. "Nothing's going to keep us away so we'll see you tomorrow."

"All of you?"

It was Casey's turn to chuckle. "Yes with the extra time we should sort some things out and AJ and Charles will handle anything left over. Jack said he'll have a chat with the Bank Manger this end and get things moving"

"Guess I had better get things ready here, bed on the floor be all right?"

With a matching tease Casey answered. "Well Mandy said it was a barn so I guess it will have to be … just make sure there's enough straw though … you take care."

"Thank the others for me."

"I will Meg's wants another word." as Casey handed over the phone he said to Meg with a grin. "He really does not know what he's letting himself in for, the questions will never stop and that's just from Sara."

Meg couldn't help smiling, because her sister was already pulling Casey away, whispering something as she said. "Hi sweetheart. You heard that comment."

"Yes, guess he's right. What are you going to do now?"

"Food then I'm going over to Ocean Drive and pick up the things you wanted and then see about Sunset Sister after that rest. How did things go?"

"Well, if Bill and Tony's reaction are anything to go by it will be fine, feels really odd going out as me, whoever that is. The Blacksmith seems happy to take the project on I reckon we can run to a couple of rooms if the house he wants falls through. Before you ask Bob is a right old mother hen not a hawk. Make sure you take care of yourself and can I ring you tonight?"

Meg laughed in sympathy and knew she was not going to miss that phone call for anything. "Poor you. I'll ring you if it will be easier!"

"Okay. Love you till then."

"And you always."

She looked across at Mandy, who come back from seeing Jack and said. "Bob's an old mother hen."

Mandy chuckled "Oh dear. Let's hope he's got some feather left by tomorrow. I think … young lady we should go to the hotel you need a rest and food. Especially if you want to see about Sunset Sisters later this afternoon, Sara wants you to go over to the apartment later and promises you will rest. Though I expect that will be in chaos I think Robert is being roped in as well so he can keep things in check. Jack and I will be spending so time with your parents but you've got our number if needs be."

"Okay so that's me sorted out." Meg said with a smile to which Mandy nodded with a smile and waited for her to get up so they could walk out together.

oxoxo

Meg lay on the bed resting against the pillows letting her mind mulling over the afternoon and evening remembering everything that had happened and knew she would not be interrupted when she finally made this call. She looked at the clock and smiled then pressed in the number it only rang out a couple of times before she heard his voice. "Hi, just let me shoo the hawks and mother hen out."

She giggled at his words, the tone of his voice sent a shiver of love down her spine and even felt her baby fidget then settle as she heard words away from the phone and the gentle music go on in the background.

His voice came back through the phone it was gentle with a tease or laugh in it she was not sure which, either way she knew he was all right. "Mother hen's given me five minute and the hawks are listening to music. Simon said he didn't want to be embarrassed, shan't tell you Jackie's reply. More important how are you?"

She laughed, "I fine thank you. You sound good, why the time limit."

"Mother hen has got me on baby time and is worse than a shadow. So Jackie is going to ring Jessica and have her fly over first thing with the kids."

"That bad. Shall I tell Mandy?"

"No! Mind you she'll get the medical report. Don't be worried, Bob wants me to rest, my heart gave a flutter this afternoon which was not surprising really."

Meg was worried in spite of his light tone she knew he was trying to reassure her but somehow it didn't, so she asked gently. "How bad."

She could tell by his tone he understood her fears. "Just a catching of breath and a slight dizzy feeling nothing to worry about, we all agree it was due to the stress of the morning and missing you. But that bit must not worry you; we all know I will be able to cope with it in the future it's just because it has come on top of everything. I have not zoned out, which is good and **he** wants me to talk about things in general rather than dwelling on 'certain things', as if I can stop 'certain things' from going round my brain at the moment."

She gave a gentle understanding laugh and asked. "So what do you want to chat about the weather's been nice."

He laughed, "How about what you did this afternoon." then a bit tentatively. "I suppose Hank's still okay about coming over."

She chuckled. "Yes, after the story was told he said to me and I quote "Tell Ben, I'm proud of him and looking forward to seeing him and I'm sorry for your loss. He deliberately used your name so I would know he really meant it this time."

There was slight pause before he answered. "Tell your father thank you and I understand. … So how was Sunset Sisters?"

She heard the genuine respect he had always had for her father in his voice and knew they would be all right, and gave a gentle laugh, which was mixed with a bit of sadness. "No longer Sunset Sisters, well only in name and that will be changed soon. I'll run through things from after lunch and **my **baby rest, which Mandy insisted on. Guess we could both be on baby rests together when I get back." She smiled as she heard his chuckle and carried on. "Understand that Robert was acting as chaperon with Mandy's list of instructions while she and Jack went to the station to check on things with Charles, who sends regards and will contact you or they were over at my parents to see if they could help or hinder as the case maybe."

She ignored his chuckle and carried on. "Sara and I met Mr Smithson at the shop he's from out of town wanting to move here with his family; his father runs a shop similar to ours back home it even has a web page so we saw it and liked what was there. He promised not to sack anyone; he even liked our idea of having students on shifts and holidays and named an interesting figure for immediate take over, which Sara liked. I told her I was not worried so we accepted. He also took on board her ideas and suppliers list then he insisted we thought about it. So we took it to Charles who had Dad with him and were discussing the Shock Wave, they both thought it looked okay. Sara and I like Mr Smithson so that was a plus point and when we went back we saw the rest of his family, they managed to get the house they wanted so we said it was a definite yes as of tomorrow."

"That sounds good. I trust you're keeping some of the money yourself, you might need it."

She giggled. "You throwing me out?"

"No Paul and Val are going to bankrupt me."

Giggling at his tone and words she just about managed to ask, "They said yes?"

Ben gave a heartfelt sigh. "Anything for some peace and quiet. Seriously, once we picked the bank manager up off the floor where he'd gone when my fortune was mentioned he said yes to my using the emergency account straight away, but he would talk with the manager in Sunset as soon as possible about the rest. He came over early afternoon to say not to worry and he was digging a bigger vault. So Paul nipped round to the nightclub people and not being daft they said yes straight away, which means Muggings here pays the bill while he's the manager a bit like old times, as you can guess both of them are in seventh heaven. Needless to say there are scraps of paper all over the apartment; I tried to remind them I'm the boss. Yeah you can guess their reply to that. Did you celebrate the sale?"

Meg couldn't help laughing at the picture as she answered. "Well we had a soft drink each yes, we didn't need any bubbly Sara has enough in herself. Glad those two have got something to think about I don't suppose there is any news."

"No, only that it looks like it will be months before he can do any proper business again. So."

She stayed silent for a moment wondering just what to say about what she did next.

His gentle voice cut into her thoughts. "You went to Ocean Drive?"

She gave a gentle sighing laugh. "You must stop reading my mind." There came a very soft chuckle from him and then she said. "Yes I went there with Robert."

"Tell me, it will be all right."

She decided to come to it slowly remembering it all so clearly. "There was a police officer standing guard and he let us in, but first showed us some of the flowers that had been laid there since lunch time… They were marked for Derek … none of them cursed him … they mentioned his love for the children and his gentleness, as well as sadness at the pain he caused in order to find his love for you. Some just mentioned the children and they came from all different people not only the ones who'd been at the service. It was a good feeling reading them, I've got a copy of the paper they are good articles no doubt Bill did you proud."

There came a soft. "Yes and I've got the original of us on horse back. What did the house feel like?"

"It was welcoming in spite of the ghosts of the past. They had left it tidy the police had marked the place your brother fell. I laid some rose buds there and lit a candle … …

As she spoke she could feel that warm welcome the house had always given her but this time it was tinged with a sadness which went deeper than her memories and the death and betrayal that had happened there. She had felt it even more as she had walked over to the tape shape of a figure on the floor and laid her rose buds where his heart would have been. Then had stepped back as Robert had done the same, he'd wanted to pay his respect for the twin he knew and the officer had quietly watched. After that she took out a candle Antonio had taken from the chapel and stand at the figures feet she lit the candle and said the words that came to mind "Let the sadness go and find peace." then with Robert's help she took it out of the room and onto the decking and had let the wind take the flame and said a gentle "Goodbye." When they went back in she found the sadness had gone, it was just the warm welcoming she had always felt. She still didn't know if it was just her or if Derek's spirit had been released either way it had helped settle her. Then they went to the rooms with the list and packed the books and things Ben had asked for and giving one last look left the house.

"… … I hope you don't mind I added a couple of CD we bought together."

"No, thank you for caring so much. Your evening?"

She gave a soft chuckle. "That was organised chaos round at the apartment; Sara insisted Robert came as well. It was lovely to see how the twins reacted to him I don't know who was tricking who but when they were on the mat the split up on him, Susan went one way and Mark went the other, as Susan was going off into the distance at ninety miles an hour he went after her. Whereas Mark just crawled for a while then sat and waited for a pick up. They eyed me quietly wondering if I was a sucker and yes I was so I had them one at a time on the swing. They were good and quiet almost as if they knew I was green."

He chuckled. "Best behaviour then. Guess Sara was getting you used to the idea of kids."

"Yes, that's what I thought but we can always go to the experts when ours is born. … It was fun and strange, partly because both Casey and Sara kept eyeing me as they packed both wanting to ask more questions but had been warned off by Robert. And there was the occasional chuckle as they kept realising you were alive and would be seeing you tomorrow. Strange because I once had a vision of all of us by the swings … perhaps it was the swings by the lodge rather than the apartment that I had in the back of my mind but I was here at the time.

Anyway the apartment will be Michael and Vanessa's your friend liked the idea of a wedding present to them and he's given me a note for you and said he was going to do the same for Ricardo and Gabi with the plans for an extension because of the extra family or would buy them out if they wanted to move."

"I glad about that, so they are all packed and ready to come."

She laughed. "Mat said he will fly in some of the big stuff while Robert will fly in the people and a few bits, he said that as he looked at the twins so I'm not too sure where they will end up. Casey was busy packing books etc and Sara kept umming and erring so it's really interesting but I think they will ready."

She heard his chuckle then something being said off the phone and heard a heart felt sigh with "Guess who's just come in."

She chuckled "Guess we should go to sleep, we've had more than five minutes."

"I know but he's threatening to put me to bed!"

She just about managed not to laugh, knowing how much he hated being told what to do. "Will you be able to ride tomorrow?"

"If he has his way no. Mind you Simon's not too keen on me doing it at the moment either so I guess I did shock everyone."

"Yes, me included."

There was a very gentle. "Okay … I'll be good and read for a while, don't worry I'll be fine Shep will sleep next to me, though I prefer you, less fur."

She giggled "What about Simon?"

"He'll have the sofa. You have pleasant dreams and I'll see you tomorrow afternoon."

"You make sure you have good dreams as well. See you. Love you."

"And you." Came the gentle reply and then they rang off.

Meg stretched and then got up and walked over to the window and watched the moonlight on the sea for a while letting her mind quieten and then turned back to her bed and slept.


	59. Chapter 59

Chapter 59

After the exhilarating rush of the take off there was the general bustle of adults coping with very young, confused and excited twins in the cramped unfamiliar space of the plane. Not to mention the mixed feelings of the adults concerned after all they were leaving their homes at short notice even if willingly.

Meg let it all wash over her, breathing slowly hoping to steady her fidgety baby John and her own very mixed feelings. To help her she looked out the window at the beautiful blue sky with white fluffy clouds drifting by and with each cloud her mind slipped back to the very early hours of the morning, when she'd been woken by baby John giving her a kick or nudged in the kidneys making her need a trip to the bathroom. She smiled wondering as she had then whether this was his early morning feed or just restless time as he'd done ever since he'd been able to make his presences felt. As there was a chair by the window she could not resist the temptation to sit and look out across the dark bay, she would not be coming back again. As she'd sat she'd remembered other nights and early mornings when she'd been unable to sleep and would look at the dark sky and the bright stars and then watch the white seahorses as the dark waves crashed on the beach. She'd let each wave take a worry back with it and peace ride on the next one in or just let the rhythm take over her thoughts and then went back to bed and sleep waking refreshed in the morning. This time she let the fascination and rhythm take over and when contented she got up and went back to bed and slept deeply till morning. ….

Back on the plane she unconsciously she shook her head slightly, then ran her fingers through her hair brushing it away from her face as she remembered waking up feeling that the day was going be a good one. After all, she was going home with her family the drama was all over. Oh yeah just having that thought should have warned her about the mixed feeling kind of day it would be, along with the fact she still had unfinished business to settle of course, but it did not.

No, it was her phone call to her soulmate that started those mixed feelings off inside her, she really should have known better and left that call till after breakfast, that would have taken into account the small time differences and routines etc. By then he would have been more awake … more with it, and she would not have felt guilty over her good night sleep when he admitted he had had a nightmare and was cross that Bob had drugged him. He hated that as it left him loopy, sleepy and would take him most of the morning to get over it. But they had managed a chuckle over the fact that Bob's peace and quiet was going to be shattered when Jessica and the kids turned up in a couple of hours time. Oh yes … he and Jackie could so wicked sometimes.

Even getting dressed seemed difficult after that, and turned into a full debate with Mandy and Jack and then Tyus and his wife all giving their views and reassurances. It was a strange feeling and something she had not really thought about till then … not deeply anyway … she was Ben's wife, no longer Meg Cummings … she was Meg Evans. … True she'd known on the journey out, with the ring on her finger to prove it and Ben had called her that on the phone yesterday. But now this was different, she was Meg Evans and her brother in law was going to be cremated sometime that day, they didn't know when yet but not that morning or they would have been told already. This meant she was still in mourning and regardless of the police protection Jude had given them, they would be watched by reporters who were capable of making mountain out of mole hills.

So, the question had been should she wear the black dress and jacket she'd worn yesterday and be in formal mourning for her brother in law, she was okay with the mourning bit but she wasn't relaxed in that dress anymore too many memories from yesterday. She knew Jack and Mandy would be in fairly smart darkish clothes. That was okay they weren't true family as she was. Or could she wear the dark blue dress she knew she'd be comfortable in and would people understand she wasn't ignoring she was were in mourning or that Derek had been forgotten because they were leaving before he had been cremated.

Comfortable had won the day so she wore her dark blue dress which turned out to be right her family like Jack and Mandy were wearing darker smart clothes rather than black. The twins on the other hand were as Sara put it 'trying to get through as many clothes as they could so she could start unpacking before the left rather than when they arrived at their new home.' As those thoughts drifted across her mind she wondered if her soulmate was wearing black in mourning and would mind if she wasn't? she was still in that iffy frame of mind.

Meg came out of her thoughts hearing the twin's gurgling laughter being capped by Sara's excited chatter, then her father gentle short reminder to her that Ben would be in mourning and would need space to find closure. There was a quiet acknowledgement from her sister and Meg knew that was true; she'd found closure later that morning when she'd accompanied Antonio to the private Chapel of Rest where Derek's body would lay till the cremation later that evening. Seeing him in the quietness had enabled her to finally close the door and accept everything and know he was taken care of and there would be someone they both knew there for those final moments and after.

But her soulmate couldn't … wouldn't he had only her word and Antonio's letter and would know it would take place in the evening when she saw him later. Antonio had arranged it like that so she and her family would be with him … that way neither twin would alone in those final moments. She knew Ben trusted both of them to tell him the truth and wondered if that was why he wanted to save the last video they'd received till afterwards … so he could watch it and forget about the coffin and all it meant … just remember his twin as he had been in the past months … the happier times … she hoped so.

Looking round the plane she saw the quiet loneliness that had hung round Casey was gone the brightness she'd known before was there and who could blame him he had his friend back. Though he did try to tone it down when she was near in respect, but as for her sister well she was bright and bubbly … her not thinking too deeply sister, who she understood and loved.

As things settled down again her mind drifted back to the airport and quietly chuckled, she should have known things would have been a bit different, Mat was flying the so call cargo plane back and was behind them at the moment. That had most of the families' things, including the rocking chairs; she would have loved to have seen if they had stored them in the hold or if they amongst the seats, anything else that was really bulky would follow by road later. In all innocence she had got out of the car expecting to see the usual plane waiting to take her family and the rest back home. But after being guided in the right direction by Robert who had arrived earlier had stopped dead and stared then asked him. "What did you do?"

Robert smiled at her question and teased knowing what she'd expected saying in 'that' innocent tone. "Watered it last night." Then sighing in pretend disgust exclaimed "**Well**, you didn't think we would all get in the usual plane did you?"

Meg shook her head and said, "I thought we would split up some in Mat's." There was a chuckle from Jack and she grinned, yeah like she could ask Sara or anyone else to be on one plane and her on the other and could not resist. "Umm okay point taken so will it land?"

Robert chuckled accepting her teasing payback gave a quick look round and said. "Hey, we've got to take off yet." Meg gave him a look and he carried on with a smile. "Yes it's the largest private plane they would accept so we will do fine. Mat will be following in his and has given Jack strict instructions not to go off without him when we land. **Before** you ask we have a hostess so I'm let off the hook and a co-pilot too. Now there are a few people to say goodbye before you catch up with the others so shoo."

With that she turned and saw the group and smiled, most of her friends had already said goodbye via email or phone, Michael and Vanessa she knew were already moving into the apartment not wanting to stay another moment at the old flat.

Jude came forward and gave her a hug and asked her to pass on Annie's thanks for the letter and she would take care of the Gallery also he would be over as soon as he found an excuse. She nodded and smiled knowing he wanted to get to know the other twin as he put it, but she was surprised that Annie hung back wasn't full of coming to see him sometime. Instead she was sort of shy and red eyed and then she realised Annie had lost two mentors one dead and the first one was well lost to the 'other woman' and so out of reach as far as she was concerned.

She decided to take the first step, figuratively and physically but not enough to threaten Annie's space, the last thing she wanted was a scene and told her she could contact Ben by email or letter anytime but not to expect directly by phone, his calls would always go through an answer machine or person. She had expected sharp words from Annie knowing how she reacted when hurt instead there was a nod and a half smile, and anything about to be said was interrupted by a youngster's giggle as Tim holding Abby joined them. Jude acknowledges Tim and lead Annie away, knowing what had happened was enough for her to cope with.

Meg had to smile not only at the child but because Tim had come, being out and about could not have been easy and she noted the easy way he handed Abby over to Bette most probably meant she and AJ had provided transport and no doubt protection as well as friendship. She knew that where they lead others would follow and Tim would have help and friendship which would ease them back into normality. Tim gave her a letter for Ben then a hug and she knew Ben would have a lot to read because before Bette took Abby she handed Mandy a bundle of letters.

As Tim broke his hug he said. "Thank you for yesterday I know it could not have been easy knowing what you did and let Jude work it all through. I'm taking the partnership of the Shock Wave and using part of the money Derek gave Abby to make sure I have time with her as well as buying a new home, till then we're staying at the Lib. Corp suite. The other home will be on the market later today, when it's sold I'll put the money back in the fund for both of us. I've taken up Ben's offer of photos his brother for Abby and as she is family I'll send photos etc of her if you want, he gave me his email address so will keep in touch that way." He paused and said knowingly. "I guess you'll not be travelling this way again."

Meg smiled it was nice to hear some confidence back in his voice, but also a little strange they had so much history about being at odds about Ben and now they were family and admitted. "No this is the final trip, but you and Abby can come our way, come for the christening of our son at least, I know Bette will come so you don't have to worry about flights."

They had both laughed and Bette gave Abby back to Tim saying. "Of course he will come as will everyone else from Sunset and Robert will be around as well. Now give me a quick hug and go young lady or they will take off without and we will see you soon."

She laughed and gave Bette a hug and saw AJ smile and nod, as if confirming nothing was going to keep this couple away when things had quietened down. Then she had been released and turned her back on the town that had given her so much happiness and pain…

"Meg" was the gentle call that brought her out of her memories.

She looked up at Mandy who had a drink in her hand, which she took and Mandy settled down on the seat in front of her and asked. "Everything okay, you're quiet."

Meg drank the juice and smiled as she answered, "Yes, thinking about this morning."

Mandy smiled not really surprised at the answer and said. "You did well, especially with Benjy … Hank was telling me that Benjy chatted about the photos you gave him and your visit, those two have swapped email and phone numbers so I guess he's not feeling quite so deserted."

Meg smiled and started to tell her what happened; dropping back into memories of the visit to the family she'd broken up and was now taking a loved uncle and aunt just when the child needed them the most.

oxoxo

She had taken Robert along with her on Mandy's insistence, he would there to look after the kids if need be or give her support, they knew she was coming of course. Gabi had opened the door and they'd both smiled reassuring but embarrassed smiles and then Gabi had stepped back to let them in with a gentle. "You're looking well. We are all in the back room Benjy had a rough night as you can imagine … we all did if I'm truthful, we'll be going over to Ocean Drive later to pick up all their things. … I don't know what to say really."

Nor did she, after all she could not say 'wasn't yesterday interesting lets chat about it and the future', that day was taboo unless they brought it up and the repercussions would last a lifetime. Not only that there were so many verbal traps just waiting for her or them to fall into … yeah such an easy meeting but not to do it … well that would seem like snubbing or running out them and neither she or Ben wanted that. So Meg put her hand on Gabi's arm and said. "I'm keeping well, thank you. … I know its difficult all round, you don't need to …" and quickly side stepped the word 'apologise' that sprung into her mind with "none of this was yours or Ricardo or Antonio's fault." Hoping that didn't sound too pompous.

"We know that but it does not make very much difference… we still feel bad." Gabi said as they entered the lounge, which had doors out into the garden where they could see the children playing with another woman on the lawn.

Ricardo got up with a nod of greeting and slightly on the defensive explained. "That's Mary a friend who runs the crèche Caroline goes to. … Gabi's right it doesn't help, after all I hounded Ben for years and now I find it was all lies … I should have seen through the smokescreen sooner. … I've been trained to see through lies … but then I thought I knew my mother and sister … … and sorry does not seem big enough somehow." He ended running out of words.

As Ricardo spoke Antonio came over and gave her a quick hug with a slightly embarrassed smile, she knew he would be feeling hurt by his mother and sister's actions but possibly less guilty, after all he had never judged their relationship and had been away for most of the time but then again that would bring it's own guilt which neither needed.

She put a hand on Antonio's arm as he released her but said to Ricardo hoping they would understand this was just not words but the truth. "It was not your fault Ben knows that, he's lived with his brother for years so knows your pain. He also knows you Ricardo, and you never hounded him as you could have." Seeing his questioning look she carried on. "You could've trumpeted up charges and practically run him out of town being a cop; instead you niggled him a bit and waited for him to make a mistake. He really does not know if he would have come to either of you if things had been different … as he admits he's a closed shop where talking is concerned still finds it difficult but is trying to do it. He certainly does not want you to hurt on his behalf."

Ricardo smiled and as they found seats said, "I know. … I could not believe his letter and the fact the house is ours … I always wondered about the deal but not enough to question too deeply. You know we've been offered an extension for the children."

Meg smiled and said truthfully. "Yes, did he explain about their friendship?"

Though Ricardo answered, Gabi and Antonio laughed remembering the meeting in the house yesterday after they had picked up the children from the crèche. "Yes, and only Ben could be like that with a million dollars. … Ben has confirmed that Benjy and Samantha will have the same legacy that Abby had and added that we could use the 2 million for the whole family rather than single out the children. He also wanted to put a share option for Caroline as a birth present come wedding present for us, told us he would have done it if he had been around so not to feel guilty about it."

Ricardo sighed and shook his head slightly before carrying on. "To be honest I'm still in shock and angry … not at him of course … and Gabi has told me to wait before I make a decision so I'll write and let him know … just thank him for the thought." Meg nodded letting him carry on. "The Chief has given us three weeks leave to sort things out and Gabi's already suggested that we should make sure we can be around as the family needs, after all it's not going to be a couple of weeks wonder then back to the old routine."

Gabi smiled and broke what could have been awkward silence saying truthfully. "Suddenly having three children and two around one is daunting but at least they know us and Benjy is good with Samantha so that helps. Though I think we'll find more difficult as time goes on … when she really starts to fret for her mum and dad at the moment it's not too bad we can distract her. Benjy of course knows things are different even so he called for his father this morning and we had tears as he remembered and then there was anger with a huge dose of confusion about his mother. Mind you that pretty well sums us all up at the moment, he's calling us by our given names leaving off aunt and uncle, perhaps Sammy will do the same. The courts will decide about visiting rights I expect the judge will ask Benjy. I agree it's difficult to think of it for life but we will support each other and we all get along alright.

We are hoping his true friends will support him in the coming days, Zach's coming round tomorrow they are fairly close and he's been through a family break up, so they might be able to chat and support each other. …. It's lovely to see you before you go … we did wonder about going to the airport but then decided it might be crowded and awkward everyone watching us or so it seems. Bette's rung and said they'd be around if we wanted anything and your father has promised to pop in and say goodbye give Benjy his phone and email address so they could keep in contact."

Meg nodded and said carefully, "I'm glad the last thing Benjy needs is to feel we are deserting him … I came because I thought it might help him if he saw that his uncle Ben is happy rather than just hearing your words. I can leave a photo of us if you want … I don't know if you've any photos of Derek for him to keep I noticed there weren't any in the house when I visited."

Ricardo shook his head slightly and said. "Yeah, thinking back last night I remembered that… I suppose that fact should have told me something was up … I mean they only had one or two photos out usually but they were gone by the time I had packed a few overnight things for Samantha and Benjy before we took them over to Carmen's and that was just after the CSI lads had finished with the house on the afternoon of the murder. And there was nothing at Carmen's … it was as if he did not exist.

But when its your own family that's been affected you don't really notice these things … as a police officer on a different case it would have shouted something was up. I didn't even notice till last night as I churned things over … and now I can't help wondering about her tears they seemed genuine at the time … but they could have been relief she'd got her own way. As for her loving the children … I don't know." He sighed as he carried on. "So we've nothing for Benjy to remember his father by and kid's memories are fleeting sometimes … there is not even a video she refused to have a camera with her said they were awkward so he won't remember the fun he had, it will just slip away. To be honest I find it hard talking about them to him at the moment I'd rather forget the whole thing… which is not fair on Benjy because he loved his father and was loved by him. I suppose we could contact the paper and see if there are pictures do it that way but that will make him remember the deceit rather than love."

Meg nodded and carefully hoping it did not sound quite as tacky or as wrong as it could said. "I've got a couple of photos here and can send you copies of videos we had taken. They are of the family playing on the beach, attending celebrations and doing every day things; quite a few are of just him and the kids, though there is a nice still photo of the whole family. I can understand you might not want them now but perhaps for later if. …"

Ricardo looking shocked interrupted asking sharply, "Why, who?" while Antonio and Gabi stayed silent in shock.

Robert got ready to explain but Meg said without hesitation or looking away from Ricardo. "Robert and a friend took pictures and videos from time to time, they did it carefully so no one knew and we have the only copies. Ben needed to know that what he was doing was right … that his brother was happy and everyone here was all right. … He loves Benjy always will and wants him remember Derek as the loving father he was to him, and to understand it was a twin thing nothing more. You can keep them back if you think it will disturb him at the moment and show them when they are older just let him have the photos … it's up to you."

She opened the book and took out two photos one was of Derek carrying Samantha with Benjy by his side looking out at something in the Bay, the other was of the family group again Derek was carrying Samantha, when she was a baby rather than the toddler she was now and Maria was playing with Benjy.

Wordless Ricardo took the photos and the others looked as well then he gave a nod of thanks and put them on the table. Gabi edged slight closer so she could see the other photos in the book Meg smiled and said "These are of Ben from when I met him again, they show our love and his recovery, I thought they might help Benjy understand that his uncle Ben is all right and that he would like some kind of contact when the time is right. There are a couple of spares if he wants to have them. … We were hoping you all might come over to the christening of baby John when ever that is. But it will be up to you …after would be all right as well if you prefer the privacy, I suspect a lot of people will come over so a plane will not be a problem and time would have passed."

Ricardo, Antonio and Gabi looked at each other taking it all in and they gave each other nods words didn't seem possible at the moment. Then Ricardo got up and went to the patio door to get Benjy, while he was gone Meg asked Antonio who'd been silent through out. "Are you all right?"

He gave a slight smile. "Yes lousy night as you can imagine still can't get my head round it all. People at the Mission have been good, I need a quiet word later I've a reply to Ben's letter and you need to know what's been decided about Derek's body … … You weren't kidding when you said Maria would not have even the clothes she stood up in."

Meg had expected something about Derek but not about Maria, it had been words that just what came out and asked. "How do you mean?"

Antonio sighed, he should have guessed the words were heat of the moment she would not know and explained. "We went back to Ocean Drive to collect a few more of Benjy and Samantha things, we are going back later to get the other things they might want for the future some reminders perhaps I don't know. Charles has told us after that everything including all Maria and Derek's clothes will be shipped out to the Mission and then out of the State to be sold or distributed to the poor. They will become every day items with no history and the house once cleaned up will be sold and the money given to good causes again no history to it."

He gave a slight smile as he carried on. "We all agree that the house needs older children and a secure family because there is going to be a lot of chatter about the house for months possibly years to come. Ben's justice is swift and to be honest I'm glad he set it out like that and there is nothing left for Ricardo or myself to decide. Carmen's house and things will have to be sold if she wants a lawyer for herself and Maria. Maria's got nothing because even the money she could claim from the Gallery can be traced back to Ben or Derek and of course it's being claimed her deceit is from the very beginning so everything is forfeit. I suppose now she knows what he felt like having everything taken away from him but she can talk he couldn't. …"

"Antonio." Meg interrupted gently seeing his anger and hurt also hearing Ricardo talking to Benjy as he was bringing him inside. She had never expected Ben's justice to be so total and felt a bit nervous wondering how Benjy was going to take all this, their history together was not a good one either. She saw him stop and take Ricardo's hand but look at her; his eyes were dark with hurt and reminded her of her soulmate and gave an encouraging smile and waited sensing he would not want her to make the first move.

Gabi said gently. "Benjy, Meg's brought some family photos you can keep and wants to show you some of her and Uncle Ben. Do you want to come and see?"

Benjy silently nodded and was gently led towards them; Ricardo realising the decision about the photos had been quietly taken out of his hands picked them up off the table and said gently. "These can go in your room if you want." and showed them to Benjy.

Benjy pointed to one with a nod and ignored the other so Ricardo asked gently. "Not that one?"

Benjy's voice was firm. "No, she killed Daddy."

Ricardo accepted the boy's statement and said gently. "Okay we'll put that one safe for later."

Benjy ignored him and tentatively looked over at Meg and kept a tight hold on Ricardo's hand and said quietly. "I'm sorry."

Meg wondered just what he was apologising for, all the hurt his father had caused or the way he had reacted to her either way or what ever it did not matter, he had not screamed and ran off in fright. So she patted the seat beside her and felt Gabi sit a little further along on the three seat sofa no doubt making it easier for Benjy to come to her and carried on gently. "None of this is your fault Benjy you've nothing to say sorry about. Your parents loved you no matter what they did to other people. I'm sorry your father died I know you loved him and always will, just like Uncle Ben loved him. … And it's not wrong to love your mother either just understand what she did was wrong. … … Uncle Ben hopes that in time you and he will become friends and I hope we will as well and if possible you will come and see us after our baby is born."

As she had spoken Benjy had given a little nod and then let go of Ricardo's hand came slowly towards her still holding the photo he had chosen and carefully sat down beside her. Sort of half on and half off Gabi's lap as well possibly as some support, no doubt and then cautiously he put his hand on Meg's stomach.

Meg smiled and gently slowly covered his hand then said gently as she felt her baby kick a little. "His name is going to be John Robert. Though I call him fidget because that's what he likes to do."

Benjy gave a half smile and nod and she moved her hand to the first page of the album and his followed so she carried on as she pointed to the first photo, "This is a beautiful sunken garden with a view across the valley, there's Shep he's always with Uncle Ben … I suppose names are a bit difficult for you as well as for Ben because he was known as John then."

Benjy nodded and moved so he tucked in beside her, pointing and asking, "Can he walk now?"

Meg smiled "Yes but he likes riding horses best because then he does not have to think what his feet are doing, which can be amusing sometimes."

Ricardo, who like Antonio had moved behind the sofa so they could see the photos asked tentatively. "You mean he still gets confused."

"Yes, so we usually talk standing still or sitting down and we are not too sure how he's going to react to our son crawling around or the twins come to that because he likes to plan where he's going to walk. I suppose it's sort of second nature to us now and we are happy with the way things are, those two are Jackie and Simon, his carers who he calls his hawks because………"

By the end of her visit she knew some bridges had been built and a least a little boy knew he was not totally being left behind or forgotten.

oxoxo

As Meg and Mandy finished their chat Mandy said with a smile. "I was wondering if you'd like to entertain Sara for a while, before your father chucks her off the plane anyway."

Meg laughed and nodded she was surprised that her sister had not bugged her before, though she suspected Mandy had expertly guided her away a few times. She looked over at her sister and called gently. "Got some photos if you'd like to have a look." She had kept them back for the trip home guessing that things would be a bit hectic if the packed to come with her.

It only took a few seconds before her sister and Casey came over to the exclamation of "Oh. Thanks Mandy!" from Jack who'd suddenly found he had the twins dumped in his lap, and Robert's chuckles were cut short, as Jack had passed one on to him.

Meg grinned knowing neither minded and ponder about a tongue in cheek comment she might make later about two new suckers being found, it was lucky that the twins didn't mind being passed round either.

"So!" came Sara's excited hint.

Meg laughed, knowing exactly where the twins got their excited attitude from and got out the book opening it to the first one, the one Jack took in the sunken garden on what they later called their wedding day. She gave an almost silent sigh as she wondered just how many so called 'wedding days' they had, when Sara's bubbly slight disappointed exclamation "I wanted the New year one. Come on you've got to have at least one!" broke her thought.

Robert called across. "I think we all wished they had that one and on tape it sounded way too good to miss."

Jack chuckled and Meg looked over at him with a smile, seeing Mandy smile as well, said with feeling, "Oh yes that was good." then added with a sigh because she would have liked it as well. "Nope not even a grainy ctv one."

Sara pouted for a second but was still on her cloud nine so bubbled on. "We can see the waterfall and ride; he'll play with the kids and …"

Hank interpreted her gently "Sara he's in mourning."

"But …" Sara insisted, wondering why they could not see that mourning would not last forever there was always tomorrow and they were a family again and Meg had her love and soulmate and she soo wanted to explode! It was soo unfair.

Meg interrupted quickly and gently knowing just how bubbly and frustrated her sister could get. "We'll go on the trips but not just yet."

Mandy added gently knowing she might get through to without hurting her feelings. "Sara, you'll have to watch the twins he can not carry them and does not want to trip over them either."

"Oh. … Really." Sara exclaimed suddenly coming down with a bump. It had been mentioned several times but didn't really stick now seeing him in the wheelchair though smiling and Meg was beside him it started to make her realise that some things were not going to be the same as before. And she felt Casey's hand gently take hers as if to reassure her or was that to reassure himself she was not too sure either that it would be all right they would deal with the changes.

Meg saw her starting to plummet off her happy cloud and didn't miss Casey's move and added reassuringly. "Yes but we will cope don't worry and there is a play area with seats next to the lodge so he can watch them there." suddenly thinking she looked across at Jack and continued. "Mind you we will have to be careful about the sunken garden and that drop."

Jack piped up "Umm could put a gate up, mind you guests usually know about the it and the water so keep an eye on the children … we'll think about it, till then just make sure the children are in sight or in the buggies and an adult each." He emphasised as he just stopped his twin from escaping.

"Pictures!" Sara said with a giggle suddenly feeling better and so Meg, Jack and Mandy with the occasional input from Robert reminisced as she passed her album round. The list of possible sights to see growing along with estimate in numbers, they knew Mat and Roberts wives had left messages they would be there with families in tow, as soon as possible. Of course, Tyus and his wife had decided that the redecorating could wait for another time, this would be a holiday and the first of many no doubt. Oh yeah then there was Bob's family as well.


	60. Chapter 60

**Chapter 60**

Meg could not help chuckling in spite of her mixed feelings of being so close to her goal and yet still an hour away, and of course dear old fidget was making his presence known. But not in an embarrassing way thank goodness it was just a case of 'Hey Mum still here' with a gentle nudge outwards this time but the next could be different ….

She was on the edge of the group having just got out the plane and walked to their coach and was watching Mat who was looking a bit like a sprinter getting ready to go at the gun. Only he was standing and talking to some people regarding unloading the cargo but looking towards them making sure they were not going without him. Well, he had parked the plane as close to theirs as he dared as a big hint to Jack not got go without him, and there was the line of vans waiting for the cargo. She noticed there were a couple of police vans and wondered if some of the officers had decided to do moving on the side after their fun with Val and Paul's. On the other hand, it must have been difficult to get vans at such short notice she reckoned Simon or Jackie must have been in contact with Mat to find out just how much they were bringing back so they'd know were to store it. That was assuming there was any spare space after the other fiasco … she'd not thought of ….

She saw Mat start to move in their direction and knew he'd be okay, they were not moving any where too quickly and brought her attention back to the reason why and silently huffed. 'Well not till someone untangled Mandy from the hug and no doubt quiet interrogation of their so call 'guide' Simon. She wanted to yell at them to get them to move because she needed to go to her soulmate and surely that was the idea of the whole thing … so why take so long in hug! She saw Jack edge forward towards the couple and smiled, oh yes let the brave man do it; after all he was the most experienced one of the group.

The driver safe in his seat looked across at the scene and smiled at Jack who gave a knowing smile and nod of acknowledgement back before giving his wife a gentle nudge and a word in the hope she would move so they could get on. It had been only a couple of minutes if that but he knew that a certain young lady was thinking it was hours. Also that trying to get everyone on board was not going to be easy as no one wanted to be too far out of earshot of the tale that was bound to be told on the drive home. Well, why else have a guide for a driver who knew the route blindfolded, inside out and upside down.

"Well how's the temporary new boss?" Jack asked his sometime partner moving to the side to let the others board as his gentle nudge and word had worked and Simon and Mandy had moved into their seats.

"Fine but was complaining that this is the longest interview he has ever been to. His wife came over this morning along with a few others. He's good to the staff and is willing to listen so take as long as you want." He added with a smile.

Jack chuckled and said darkly. "Like that is it?"

Equally darkly his partner replied, "You'll see."

Jack knew he would not get any more than that so shrugged and gently guided Meg aboard so she sat next to Simon and noticed his wife had pinched the aisle seat. Great he'd have to squeeze passed her and stop her from jumping up and down wanting to get all the news in a second. As he got to his seat and put a restraining hand on his wife to tell her to wait he knew Meg was just as anxious but they hadn't started yet and the driver not matter how good needed full attention, not have voice rabbitting on as he dodged trucks, people and the odd plane to get out of the complex. He'd already guessed from the smile his wife had after that hug the news was good not bad. The mere fact he was here was proof it was good after all he wouldn't leave his adopted brother if it wasn't especially after the last time and they would have had a phone call ….

Everyone was settling down or being settled … the twins were a little fidgety to say the least … and who could blame them … there was no where to roam! … unless of course they could get under the seats.

There were two bangs on the side of the coach and a loud 'okay' and the driver knew the hand luggage was aboard so started the engine and eased the coach out of the airport complex.

oxoxo

As soon as they were on the main road, Mandy looked across at Simon and said none too gently. "So give!"

Jack sighed dramatically, well he had done his best but he wanted news as well.

Simon laughed and said. "Okay I give in." and handed out copies of the paper so everyone could see the picture and read the article. The picture had not been sent down to Sunset Beach this was one that was just for their side of the mountains. As he gave Meg her copy he asked gently. "Everything okay?"

She nodded and looked at the picture on the front page and realised the difference immediately gone were the cap and glasses, there was a 'wow' from Sara and Meg could not blame her, even though it was a paper print of the photo Ben looked good on Sandy and running beside them was Shep and behind them came the gang.

As if reading Meg's thoughts Simon said with feeling remembering what happened, "Oh yeah, the boss is back." Then he flicked the switch on the coach mike so everyone could hear him talk rather than having to yell. "You know, it was a fantastic feeling riding in with that lot …a bit like the old western movies …but no music and we were the good guys of course." He looked at Meg and admitted knowing she needed the truth and said. "And no one would have known Ben had been scared first thing, but by then he was okay. I suppose the waiting was over and he knew you were okay and the only way was forward. As you can see Meg, Paul made it back from meeting the blacksmith, which went well so that bucked it him up a bit.

We had contemplated using the horse and carriage and the rest ride but Ben wanted to be in control, having had a quick bust up with Bob earlier. Not too serious really, Bob was being a real shadow or 'mother hen' as Ben put it, and insisted he wear the monitor all the time even at the meeting, they huffed and puffed and Bob won that so Ben won the other. We knew Bob would be with us all the time but he was being a little too tight, I suppose we are used to giving our 'charge' room and knew where the line is drawn so to speak even on bad days, but Bob well he was learning on the job at a hundred miles an hour and stakes were high."

Meg resisted a chuckle remembering her experiences and Mandy smiled and nodded her understanding so he carried on. "We had planned to meet Bill, Tony and the bank manager at the Hardware store office being the best place for Ben; he wanted to get out of the apartment anyway. … Found a time that was convenient for both but could not surprisingly get in touch with Bill. Left messages with people and machines got nothing back …so we thought the best thing to do was to ride past his office and bang on his door and hope he was there.

We were getting ready to leave when Tony and his wife rode by, their car had broken down so it meant two extra with us … as you can see we became quite a large group. I don't know if other people could feel our buzz but some did stop and watched, others just looked and said hi as they carried on. Of course the cars had to slow and give us priority, which was fun, usually we just cross the road to the other paths into the woods but this time we were going along the main road into town so they had to follow at a distance and the others coming towards us had to slow or stop.

The picture was taken from the newspaper headquarters the roads on a bit of a slope; Ben had just spotted Bill with his bag of bits and called his name, he's out of the picture by the way, so he turned and looked round at us as we approached, he must have heard us anyway. Should explain a young hopeful was leaning out the upstairs window testing his camera and thought what a nice group and took it. So there was Bill cogs going round trying to work out what was up and what was different as we came to a halt, we'd been riding in the middle of the road to avoid the parked cars so held up the traffic in both directions. That's a great feeling, anyway I and Ben rode over and Ben and quietly told Bill if he wanted 'that' story Jack had promised he needed to come to the Hardware store within the next five minutes."

Simon chuckled and looked at Jack "Oh if only the photo had been of the editor then. It was beautiful. Talk about catching flies. Anyway he managed to work out it was the big story and that Ben was no longer wearing his glasses etc and was going to yell at the lad when Ben coughed. Bill realised that yelling and horses didn't go together so went over the offices door and told the reception that he was out and to hold the front page. Then with his bags he hitched a lift on the back of Bob's horse" he smiled as he carried on "that was laugh seeing those two together … its just as well Bob can ride. … Don't tell Bill but we've got two photos of that … front and back …the lad came over later and said he trying that camera out again, still don't know how he didn't fall out that window."

Jack had to hug his sides to stop laughing too much and let Simon carry on, Simon grew serious though his eyes were bright. "You know I don't think I've seen Bill speechless before. … … got it twice that day … Yeah well so were the others when they heard the truth. … Ben gave them the basic details in a couple of sentences 'My name is Ben Evans and my identical twin Derek kidnapped me and took my place in September 1999, I was being driven to my death when the accident happened. Meg is my wife not fiancée because the woman I thought was my wife was already married to my brother and she had him murdered so that is why my story can be told.' Then Jackie and I ran through the more detailed reports while he and Shep said 'hi' to the horses in the paddock."

He paused for a moment then carried on. "We felt a bit torn actually … he needed space and company but we had to tell the story … we knew we could watch him from the windows, Bob had been warned off a bit so would also watch outside but again from a distance. Jim came to our aid he had been with us to hear the story and had followed Ben out immediately he finished and apparently told him it was all right, and they watched the horses and talked about things in general. I went to them when we had finished and as soon as he came through the door they gave him their unhesitating support. I knew they would but it was nice to see it."

Simon chuckled and then continued. "He then explained about his fortune, the actual amount had not been mentioned in our talk just that he was a millionaire. The Bank Manager bless him nearly had a fit especially as Ben added it could be more as that was just what he remembered and had estimated the interest. Once the bank manager started to breathe again he was okay about it and I must say that Bill was not too pushy when asking Ben questions, Tony just listened with a smile on his face then later filled Jim in with the details. When I read Bill's article later I rather liked the way he got the reporter from Sunset Beach to give her thoughts and he gave his back.

Val and Paul in the meantime went over to the computer club and explained everything to Terry and his wife so they would not hear it from others first or feel left out. His wife had to stay and look after the club but Terry immediately came back to the Hardware store to talk to Ben … It was lovely to see the steadying effect it had on Ben, he was beginning to realise people really would accept him and understood the reason for his cover story."

Simon gave a little huff and looked over at Mandy and Jack as he spoke. "Its funny about using his name I mean when he's around we hardly use it, you just know who you are talking to or you are facing them so it's obvious. It's only talking to other people or just calling for his attention in a group that you use it or muff it and get a long look from him. No doubt that will happen both ways over the next few days or weeks I mean he's going to forget too."

He saw them smile and knew they understood and hoped he would not be the only one to muff it and carried on. "As you know we had a little scare in the afternoon but I'm sure that was just a reaction to everything, he was getting up from the table and turned to move away as you do and he did it a bit too quickly. You know what he's like usually does it in three moves; he forgot and tried to do as we would in one and found he could not. I was close enough to steady him so he would not fall. It was over in a moment. Though I don't mind admitting it gave me a turn after his other collapse, so it's just as well Bob wasn't monitoring me as well. But he did not even feel like falling this time just needed a steadying hand. Bob of course checked him over and made him bed rest, insisting on very light duties." Simon gave a snorting laugh before he carried on. "Mind you that didn't stop him from thinking or planning."

Meg saw the look and smile Simon gave Mandy, of course she knew what he was referring to and she hadn't told either Jack or Mandy didn't dare, and tried to hide her smile.

Mandy looked back thoughtfully, then smiled and exclaimed. "Oh, he didn't!"

Simon said innocently "Well, Jackie did actually and only because Ben could not go anywhere without Bob two inches way. … So. Bob has his family with him."

Mandy exclaimed in horror. "My hotel!!" Jack grabbed his wife by the arm just in case she decided to cross the aisle and murder their son-in-law.

Simon chuckled "Its okay they are staying at Katie's so the kids can run riot there with hers."

"Oh, thank goodness for that." Jack and Mandy sighed with relief

Meg smiled remembering the visit at Christmas when everything went everywhere as the two boys went on a treasure hunt … no one and nothing was safe.

Simon looked at Meg and then across at the others then back to Meg and said in a very casual off hand way. "Ben now owns the swimming pool complex in town."

He chuckled with deep satisfaction at their reactions of surprise and explained. "Oh yeah, and you can blame it on the bank manger and Bob if you like. Bob was restricting him to very light duties and lots of rest due to the poor night and the bank manager rang to say that there was some extra money he could play with. So Ben sat and pondered and played with ideas. Reckon it will be finalized by tonight and I wouldn't be at all surprised to see workmen on the site next week. Of course you have to realise he had two playmates with him Paul as spokesman come manager and Val with her building connections so no one stood a chance. It was all very complicated and done by phone calls hence the finalization tonight or tomorrow morning at the latest.

He looked down the coach and saw puzzled expressions from the others and added. "The complex is in the main part of town and was going to be closed, it needed a very expensive revamp and the owner had an offer on the land, which he was going to accept. A new one on the edge of town would have been really too expensive to run he'd have to buy the land etc. Once Ben put the idea to Paul there were phone calls to and throw and the man got an offer he could not resist as it included some land Ben managed to rustle up. As I said it got complicated so |'ll leave it there and I can't see the Council refusing the revamping plans either, you know Val knows some very interesting people out there."

Glancing back to Mandy and Jack he added. "Oh yes, he also played with ideas for the valley so you'd both better have your thinking caps on when you talk to him, if you are wondering yes he rested as well."

Mandy smiled with a shake of her head and Jack looked at her and chuckled then said softly. "That's okay we know about those ides. So he's been playing … well good for him." Then he turned serious as he carried on. "He's happy about tonight … as anyone can be I mean?"

Simon nodded as he thought for a moment. "Well sort of. As you can see he's been quiet in a thoughtful sort of way, certainly not a broody depressive way, which I was expecting. Father Antonio mailed with the details, thought it was better than Meg telling him with everyone around, so it gave him time to accept it. After being told everything Bill informed the Vicar and he called round to see Ben and they had a good talk. He's going to hold a 'reflection' like we did last year and he'll read out the same pray Antonio will recite just before the cremation. So it's done at the same time, well near enough. Jackie and I would like to go and thought you and Jack might want to stay close to home."

Mandy smiled understanding her son-in-law's meaning, knew Jack would agree and said gently "Yes good idea." She moved so she could see the others at the back of the coach explained. "You will all be welcome at the church, there be music and candles we do it for those who have died on the mountains. It's likely to be mixed groups of families and people who were concerned in his recovery and other rescues it's a general coming together a way of showing support. You'll have time to unpack etc and go over if you wish and then there will be food in the hotel after."

There was a general agreement that that's what they wanted to do and then Hank asked. "I was hoping to see Ben tonight, but will that be too much?"

Simon and Mandy looked at each other but Mandy spoke. "Perhaps just a quick 'hi' as we let Meg off at the apartment, if he's out there. Then see how he wants it, most likely would be popping in for coffee type thing sometime tomorrow and in the two family groups not all at once." She turned back to Simon. "So how have people reacted?"

Simon smiled "Good, but we've had one set back and that's with the school riding group they've stopped it out of respect for this week, though between you and me I think they will ask that Ben does not ride with the group again."

Meg gasped knowing how much Ben enjoyed it, Mandy nodded and said slowly as she thought it through. "I suppose they don't want to take the risk of him collapsing while riding and scaring the kids. He is there to help with the kids and they can ask the most awkward questions."

Simon nodded and said "Yes, but the interesting thing is the kids came round after school and asked if they could still see him around the stables, so I said they could. I think his story has made some of the unruly ones think.

Mandy smiled knowing some of the children's history. Simon then looked down the aisle towards Mat and Robert. "Your wives and kids send love, muttered something about commercial being quicker than private, which was just as well otherwise the airport would have been full up with private plans." Then he glanced across at Jack with half a tease. "I'm hoping your face will get us through the check point quickly."

Jack looked at him questioningly Simon smiled and explained. "The temporary Chief decided to check for reporters. … Our end of town is a no go area. It's working very well so far. The girls on the switchboard have been busy taking calls and some peopled popped in with letters rather than waiting for the postman, no one expected to see Ben and Jackie gave them drinks and it rolled on from there. Now you can fill me in on the details while everyone else enjoys the view." He added cheekily and flicked the mike off.

With Mandy's voice drifting over her as she talked to Simon, Meg watched the familiar scenery go by only surfacing to answer the odd questions that Robert or Mat couldn't or hearing an exclamation about the view. All the time she could feel the rush of excitement knowing she was getting closer to her soulmate.

oxoxo

As Meg felt the coach slow and turn into the drive by the police station she heard her family's "wows" as they saw the hotel and Mandy pointing out the Lodge. Seeing the hotel still had that affect on her but this time it was surpassed by the excitement of coming home to her soulmate. She looked eagerly on down the drive feeling the coach steady so it would stop next to the archway between the hotel and the apartments, and saw him standing next to the rails of the paddock gently rubbing Sandy on the nose, both obviously loving each others attention.

She smiled seeing Shep sitting beside his Master but looking towards the coach with his tail wagging madly, so Ben knew they were there. And a flickering thought passed quickly through her mind the roles reversed only this time they both understood the love they had for each other. Now he was watching her approach, then she'd watch him drive down the drive to her father's farm in Kansas. Had he felt then as she did now, her heart beating in anticipation of his touch, his voice, his love … Oh if only she'd fully understood that stunned feeling she'd had when he'd stopped and took off his glasses and turned towards her and she recognised him,… if she had everything would have been different.

Through her thoughts she was also aware the coach had stopped, that Bob was sitting on a new seat outside their apartment and Jackie was just going in and calling to someone inside. Most probably Paul and or Val who would stay out of sight so as not to crowd them as they met again.

As she got up she could feel baby John fidget and then accepted Simon's help getting out of the coach. But her soul … mind … whatever you call it … was way, way in front of her to her soulmate who had turned to watch her.

There was no mad dash of lovers meeting half way, of being picked up in a loving embrace or possibly swung round and ending in a loving kiss.

There was only Shep bouncing towards her then round her and back to his Master, then back to her and this time he walked beside her, his nose just gently touching her hand, his tail up and wagging furiously … obviously pleased to have her back and saying "I'm walking you back to where you belong ... to my Master."

She walked slowly towards her soulmate, as he stood watching her his hand now resting on the rail, their eyes watching each other and the feeling she had as she'd walked down the aisle on their wedding day was back with her big time … seeing the love in his slow smile, the sparkle in his eyes that was only for her … she knew it, drank it in and revelled in it.

She knew he would wait there, then she would be tucked into his loving embrace, it would not matter if they did not kiss … it would be enough to know that she was home and they … the three of them were safe, and for him that she was home and safe and her family were with her.

She smiled knowing it matched his, knowing he would be feeling her deep love for him as she felt his.

He held out his arms to welcome her … and she tucked into his embrace … felt that warm safe loving feeling as she rested her head against his chest … she was home… and he truly loved her always would as she did him.

She felt his hand gently rest on her bump as if welcoming their unborn son home as his voice say gently. "Hi."

Though she was tucked into him she could move enough to look up at him and with a smile and all the feeling he had put into that one word said "Hi" back.

Then they kissed … it was not a long kiss. But it was a kiss that said everything … their love for each other and friends and their son-to-be.

They broke apart but not enough to lose contact, just enough so they could catch their breaths and steady their feelings.

"You've brought a few friends then I see." Ben said softly looking slightly at the coach but not wanting to acknowledge them just yet, this was their moment.

Meg giggled and said softly. "Just a few. But we'll see them more tomorrow." She saw the flick of a shadow cross his face and knew what he would do. He would hide his pain so it would not hurt her or them, but she could not allow that … he had lost a brother and had been betrayed by the woman he once loved and said gently. "Don't hide your pain from any of us."

He looked at her and she saw they still showed some pain in spite of the love for her and she carried on quickly. "They understand it Ben and want to share it … want to help heal it … quietly by just being here. They will be going to the church tonight because they want to not because they think they ought to. Tonight they know we need each other."

He nodded and she saw that slow smile come back and mix in with the pain and the happiness and heard his gentle. "Thank you. Are you all right?"

She felt the need to move so slide her hand down his arm and moved round so she stood beside him but still close. "Fine, but I need to walk around a bit and I think Casey and my Dad would like a quick word."

She heard his sigh and smiled "Dad's okay don't worry."

He looked at her and it made her laugh while reassuring herself it was true he was okay.

A movement and noise from the coach caught both their attention … got a smile from Ben and another laugh from Meg.

oxoxo

No one on the coach had wanted to miss the couple meeting, and who could blame them. Casey had stolen the march on all of them by managing to get off the coach first and was standing beside its front watching his friends, with obvious build up of emotion and a tear.

Mandy and Jack came close behind having the advantage of the front seats and stood besides him watching silently and definitely not dried eyed by the end of the greeting.

The next group … well never really knew how they managed to get off the coach quickly enough … granted they missed Meg's walk to Ben but they saw part of the hug and the kiss. They were Hank, Joan and Sara, Sara and Joan had a twin each and Hank held the bag and helped. And somehow, Sara managed to stay silent though she felt like shouting for joy … and could almost hear the song in her head … it might have been good at the New Year dance but now if he'd been singing now it would have been fantastic.

As for the others … well they managed to secure a view through the windows or halfway out the door. And as for the driver, he quietly sneaked a video and some pictures, which later found their way into Meg's album.

oxoxo

The movement that caught the couple's attention making Ben smile - well that was Casey walking towards them being unable to contain his need to see his friend any longer.

As for the noise that made Meg laugh … yeah well that was Sara's heartfelt exclamation "**Meg** we need to change them … again!!!" while holding a struggling, grizzling twin at arm's length.

With a loving gentle "Go" from Ben, Meg started to walk over to her sister and as she past Casey she put a hand on his arm and smiled so he would understand the interruption was all right with both of them.

"Go into the apartment Sara but don't get lost in the bathroom!" Meg called out through her laughter especially as her sister was muttering loudly that she was not going to travel again with the twins till they could **'do' **everything themselves and Casey's heartfelt agreement as he got closer to Ben.

Meg knew Jackie or Val would be inside to help after all the door to the apartment had opened almost as soon as Sara spoken. … Yep those sneaky 'hawks' had been watching, so she stopped and turned and watched with a smile as the two lost friends met again.

Casey stopped just short of Ben, and it looked to Meg as though they were looking each other up and down as if asking themselves - that what they were seeing was real and could they hug without breaking it. Again it seemed as if just that word of "Hi" from Ben was all that was needed to break the spell and the two men hugged and did not break. Then she heard Casey's emotional "Missed you" and she knew they would be a while and needed some privacy so turned back towards the apartment.

oxoxo

The others from the coach were quietly unloading and going with Mandy to the hotel, giving brief waves of goodbye to Meg, she waved back knowing she would see them tomorrow or the next day. She noticed Sara and her mother were virtually in the apartment now and guessed they'd hesitated so they could watch the greeting but as both the twins were complaining they would deal with them. She came level with her father who smiled at her and then turned towards Casey and Ben; she glanced back and saw they were leaning against the rails talking.

Hank didn't want to shout out at Ben because he knew it could give the wrong impression but he didn't want to get so close as to intrude on the reunion. So when he got close enough he called out. "Ben. It's good to see you. You and Casey take your time; I'm going to help with the twins." And pointed to the small rucksack he was carrying, knowing Casey would recognise it.

With that the two men nodded and Hank turned to follow Meg into the apartment and as the door shut behind them he looked around taking in the apartment and said. "It's amazing, and that's Bob on the bench."

Meg smiled, hearing and seeing genuine feeling in her father's words and attitude and wondered why he changed his mind about talking to Ben as he wanted to earlier asked. "Yes and he'll stay there till they come in, I thought you were going to talk to Ben tonight."

Hank smiled hearing the slight nervousness in his daughter's voice and said gently. "I think he needs Casey and you more than me, as you say we've got tomorrow and the next day to start getting to know each other. And I think we should leave you in peace as soon as the twins have been done, which means they need the bag."

Meg smiled and looked over as the bathroom door slid open and a towel covered twin being held by Sara came out.

Sara saw her father and sister and smiled with relief, gave a short laugh adding. "Talk about getting lost in there … hell it's big … Dad give me one and go find Mum and Mark."

With that Hank got out the clean diaper from the bag and went to find the other two.

Sara looked round still trying to take it all in and Meg said with a smile. "Bed or sofa?"

Sara sighed struggling to keep hold of Susan who was giving the odd sort of giggling grunt as she tried to get out of the towel that held her, she wanted to explore. Finally getting a good grip on her wayward charge Sara said. "Bed would be better, less likely to roll off."

Meg giggled and led Sara over to the sleeping area; Sara carried on looking around and said. "It's amazing, I mean all this space and yet you feel cosy in it and the view across the paddock's good. Upstairs must be great … stay still a moment... " then quickly dressed her squirming daughter.

After that she took her to the sofa area and sat down putting Susan on the sofa beside her. Meg sat on the other one that looked out towards the paddock so she could watch the fun and leave the other sofa free for her mother and Mark to join them. Susan sensing freedom and space for the first time in that day was already starting to crawl along the sofa. But no such luck as Sara expertly scooped her up and put her on her lap and got a giggle from her.

oxoxo

As the door to the apartment opened Meg looked up and Sara looked round and saw Shep darted in with Ben and Casey following close behind. Shep stopped for a second then made a beeline for the sofa where Susan had just crawled off her mother's lap again. Meg remembered the incident with the teddy and was just going to call a warning, when Ben's very sharp command. "No! Shep! Heel!" rang out.

Shep stopped in his tracks; then spun round back the Ben and came to heel and sat looking very innocently up at his Master.

Ben looked down and said gently but firmly "No. Shep. Leave them. Stay."

Shep stayed but turned his head towards the noise and Ben walked further into the apartment.

Sara gathered up Susan who'd started to cry at the sharpness of the strange voice.

Casey who'd walked on with Ben said gently "I think we should introduce the twins tomorrow, they have had a lot of strange things happen today."

Hank and Joan carrying Mark had come from the bathroom in time to see Shep running back to Ben and heard the last command and stayed quiet and watched the situation. Mark gave a start of a grizzle in answer to his sister's cry but was comforted and silenced by Joan. Sara quickly comforted Susan and got her quiet and settled as well.

Bob, who had come in spoke up. "I'll show you the way through Jackie's apartment to the hotel it will be quicker than going via the driveway or the garden room. Mandy will be over in a while Ben, till then rest."

Ben nodded at Bob accepting his orders and said "See you sometime in the morning Casey, Sara." And looked over at Hank and Joan so they knew they were included and added. "Thank you for coming."

Joan smiled at the gentleness in Ben's words and wanted to go over and hug him but recognised the tone in Bob's voice and knew better, so followed Hank who'd nodded acceptance with a slight smile.

Meg also knowing 'that' tone quickly told Sara the way to the apartment and watched her family go, knowing she'd see them tomorrow.

oxoxo

As the door closed and they were just the two of them Ben found the sofa sat down beside her and sighed. "Mother hen!" clicked his fingers to release Shep from his command and watched him settle on his favourite rug having only hesitated slightly as he passed the sofa where the baby had been.

Meg watched and tucked in beside Ben and put a hand on his arm and then rested her head against his shoulder and sighed. "Umm it is nice to be just the two of us."

Ben laughed and said softly "Not for long though."

"Oh, they don't count." Meg replied which made Ben laugh again.

Then she felt his hand gently rub down her arm and a gentle kiss on her head then he said softly "Your right, they are good shadows and might even pour the tea out for us."

oxoxo

The apartment was quiet and the curtains drawn to cut out the early evening light, Ben sat on the sofa with Meg tucked up against him, on the other sofa were Mandy and Jack also tucked up together. They were watching the television though the screen was blank at the moment – they were between clips of the home movie Robert had sent to them, the first one had been of Tim and Abby with Derek and Samantha several days earlier.

They all knew the pray that Antonio in Sunset Beach and the vicar in the local church were reading out. Ben had read it earlier, seen Antonio's letter as well as the photo of Derek's body in the private chapel where the cremation would take place and knew from some of the other letters that there would be people there to say their own farewells, people who cared for his brother as well as him. And this … this was his way of saying goodbye to his brother - seeing him happy with the children he loved so much.

The picture flickered into life again.

The scene was the beach, which was not too crowded and further along from Ocean Drive, where the sand was a bit firmer, though it could still get into everything but it was a little easier for buggies etc. Derek was sitting on the edge of a blanket covered with children's toys and nearby was a pile of large brightly coloured plastic boxes obviously put there for older kids to play with and Samantha was crawling doggedly towards them. You could hear Derek's soft laugh as he watched his daughter crawl to them, then stop and touch them then sit looking at them, sizing them up because she then used them to get up and steady herself as she stood up. Then there was a delicate chuckle from her as if she was pleased … she'd had done it, and then her father's gently calling her name and encouraged her to come.

It showed that she knew it was a loving tone one that told her he was pleased with her not cross and she looked round at his encouragement and steadied herself again. Then slowly she turned round to face him. That look of concentration was followed by pure delight because she had done it, wobbled a bit but had not fallen.

- The watchers could almost see her thinking 'yeah could she do it, she could walk to the voice and the smile of love to her daddy' – and they could also see there was no pretence in his face or voice just pure love and joy for his daughter and the moment. -

Then there was his gentle loving. "Come on then" and a beautiful giggle from her and then she started a little wobbly, her arms waving for balance and deep concentration as she took her first steps on the sand all by herself and away from the boxes.

The gentle laughter of pure delight from both of them was amazing and then Derek turned his head just slightly to look over his shoulder, as you do when you want to say to someone just out of view but you don't want to lose total concentration on what going on or say out loud so it was a 'Hey look at this come share' look.

That fleeting look was caught in full on camera and it was stunning deep emotional love and willing to share it, and it sent shivers down the spines of those watching and tears because it was synchronized with a very gentle and loving "Goodbye Derek, love you" from Ben.

For Meg it was as though the twins were connected for that moment, even though one was dead and it was on film - and then it was gone.

Derek's attention was back onto Samantha as she started to over balance in her eagerness to get close to him, and she tottered a few more steps before he gathered her up in his arms and into a sandy roll of laughter and praise. The roll had obviously been done before as there was never any danger of her being squashed and they finished up so he was sitting with her in his lap. There came his gentle praise and her gentle "dadas" and giggles then she fidgeted and tutted with gentle questioning "dadas" as she started to pull her t-shirt up and her shorts down … she'd found itchy sand in them. His gentle brushing to help her get it out was followed by the usual playful tidying up which ended with a gentle kiss on her forehead, and was accompanied by her gently brushing her hand against his face as he put her into her buggy and then loaded down with the blanket and toys he pushed her out of view.

Meg could feel tears running down her cheeks and looked at Ben and was glad he was not hiding his tears, there were no sobs of distress she knew they had gone while she had been in Sunset Beach; these were tears of closure, the final farewell and then moving on. The gentler closure she had found in the chapel and held his hand knowing he knew she was there and that was enough. She knew t Jack and Mandy would be feeling the same and then the screen flickered and realised there would be another one.

It was early evening, they were all timed and dated in the corner of the screen, Benjy was with them now and Samantha was in her buggy and they were aiming for the beach bench which looked out across the bay. She knew the Shock Wave was just off screen and they must have been there. Benjy was pushing the pushchair while Derek was guiding it one handed while carrying the ice creams. Having parked it successfully Benjy sat on the bench, smiling with anticipation; Derek gave him his ice cream and then sat down so he could help Samantha with hers as well as having his own. Between licks you could hear the odd words between father and son about the day and then Samantha's cries telling them she wanted to be on her father's lap than in the buggy.

It was a beautiful scene as Derek tried to cope with two ice creams to get Samantha out and then Benjy's deep concentration as he found he was in charge of all three. Derek quickly sat Samantha on his lap and then the ice cream still intact were back in the right hands and the job was a success … well sort of.

Because now of course Derek found he was the proud owner of wriggly child and two ice creams. One, which was likely to go any where but the mouth it was aiming for … and so it turned into a very messy licking of ice cream for everyone with lots of giggles.

All dribbles were anticipated by the father as he brought out a clothe to wipe them up when they had finished and as he cleaned Samantha up Benjy chatted about a school trip in the morning and gave promises to tell everything when he would be picked by his father when they got back.

For the next few frames with Samantha on his lap and Benjy tucked up close to him Derek pointed something out to them in the bay and they chatted about it. Like the rest it was a side on view so you could see the smiling faces rather than what was being pointed out.

Meg felt Ben's hand on her arm and a very gentle "I like that one." And nodded knowing they'd have a still of it to go above the fireplace.

They watched as father kissed his son gently on the head then picked his daughter up to put her in the buggy kissed her then strapped her in. Then with Derek pushing the buggy while Benjy walked with bouncy steps and his hand resting on his father's arm with their chatter and laughter fading they walked away from the watchers.

The screen turned to black and there was silence for a while and then Ben said very softly, "I need to know what happened Jack."

"Ben I …" Jack started gently feeling it would be better to wait till the morning emotions were raw with the significance of it all.

But he was quickly interrupted by a gentle but firm. "I need it tonight … all of it, please."

Jack felt Mandy squeeze his arm and knew they were both right and looked across at Meg who nodded and accepted defeat and said. "Okay … do you mind if we eat first."

Ben looked over at Jack and smiled "No … and thank you … both of you." his tone of voice saying everything he felt and knew they understood, then he looked round at Meg and gathered her to him and said gently "And you especially my love."

She looked at him there was no need for words and they kissed a quick loving kiss and then they parted. She stood up stretched and made her way over to the kitchen area, were she was soon joined by Mandy and as they found food they chatted about the video and their feelings.

oxoxo

Thank you for getting this far hope you enjoyed it please review.


	61. Chapter 61

**Chapter 61**

Meg finished pulling the bed cover in place when she heard the outside door to the apartment open. As she turned round to see who it was she cancelled out the idea it was Jackie popping out for a moment as she was in the kitchen area and followed on round to the doorway and smiled as she recognised who it was and noticed he hesitated before coming further into the apartment.

She started to slowly walk towards the doorway exclaiming a puzzled "Dad?" though her mind was remembering a habit of his. He always walked the boundaries of the farm when he could not sleep … the boundaries of the hotel gardens were no doubt a substitute. Oh joy another one at it today, perhaps they were all at it and just hadn't met up yet or were going to here!

Hank looking back at the door as it automatically swished closed behind him and then around the room hoping to see the person he really wanted to talk to. He'd been out walking mulling things over and as he came to apartments automatically came in … sort of mulling thoughts coming to a definite conclusion over rode the common sense and reason angle - It was not his house, way too early so should not walk in, should go back and wait for an invitation not barge in.

As he faced Meg again he suddenly realised he could have walked into an embarrassing situation and was glad to see she was up and dressed. Part of him registered that as he'd glanced in the windows he had not been able to actually see further back than the dinning area, though he must have registered the impression of a figure in the kitchen area and subconsciously assumed everyone was up. He had no idea of the time his watch was back in his room and his mind flitted back to his other thought and knew he needed to check so said. "That door's a great idea but can be locked."

Meg had seen several expression cross her father's face, as no doubt thoughts and realisation gathered and laughed then said in a tone that told him walking in on her was okay this time but not next. "Yes Dad we can and do. Don't know if you noticed no one can see into the back of the apartment and it's the same with all the lights on. And we do pull the curtains as well so we have the normal privacy when needed. **But** as we were awake and around we left it on the buzzer and Jackie was watching and that's how you didn't get barred. There's an emergency lock down by the kitchen area and the bed area if needs be."

Hank nodded satisfied and saw a frown cross her face and said quickly to reassure her. "Everything's fine … couldn't sleep any longer so decided to walk around a bit. I can't believe Mandy owns most of the valley and its so beautiful in the morning light."

Meg laughed knowing it was easier to refer to it that way and explained, "Yes it is, no doubt you saw it last night as well, it's got many moods. It's all on farmers leases some been in those families for generations and that's why they couldn't call them in to save the hotel, Ben owns some of it as well but he's counted as family and it would revert back to her."

"Where is he" He asked as they got close, gave a nod of acknowledgement to Jackie and realised just what shadows they were. Then he hugged Meg gentle and then released her.

Meg smiled and answered. "He's in the sunken garden you must have passed it if you came round the back."

He thought about his route and reckoned a sunken garden must be down hill … nope could not remember that one and said. "Umm not that I remember, I did see a row of hedges that seemed to lead to the apartments and decided to take a lower path that went to the woods it looked more interesting. I came up at the back of the stables and then walked by the paddock and came here. It was lovely and I found a stream amongst the tress seemed to come out of nowhere. Anyone with him I'd like a word." He saw a frown cross his daughter's face and said gently. "I just think we need to talk about his brother ... I'm not going to bite your husband's head off Meg."

Meg sighed; she knew that tone he was not going to be persuaded otherwise and she needed a point cleared up before she gave the okay so came to it gently. "The streams from the sunken garden and the hedges hide it, his name is Ben and he's with Simon and possibly Paul. He woke early and didn't want to go back to sleep." She added hoping he would take the hint and suggest a later time.

"Nightmare?" He asked gently with a look of understanding.

She was so surprised that he would think of it and said "Yes … things were mixed up a bit … about Derek, I was there but mainly about Maria and the supposed drowning and betrayal … we didn't want to tell Bob. Ben didn't want to be drugged again it takes him all morning to recover and would have made him feel worse. So we talked then called Simon and Jackie and then Paul so I could rest – he's on orders to bed rest this afternoon regardless and he'll talk to Mandy when ready. But I don't want him pushed too far he'll try and shut down his own feeling to cater for your needs."

Hank nodded with a hint of a smile. "I'm not surprised about either, being drugged would make him feel very helpless and that's the last thing he needs especially with us around. Must admit I had a strange one myself that's why I walked." He paused slightly then decided to carry on and asked." Will you come with me I do need to talk to him before the others surface I've no doubt they will be around after breakfast. I think your husband should know what I think about what happened … and before you start … I know we've not been too good together but things have changed … his history in the open and I will not push too hard."

Meg looked across at Jackie who nodded and then back at her father who noticed the move and frowned, Meg smiled and said "Jackie is Ben's carer so I'm guided by her advice, luckily the girl she has been looking after is away for a couple of weeks on a special holiday so she's back with us full time. You do know Ben has a name don't you."

Hank nodded and said. "Yes and it's a bit of double edged sword at the moment for all of us."

Meg nodded understanding her father's meaning and said firmly. "Yes Dad, but only for you and the others and that's your problem not his. For us it's John and Ben but we use Ben, in truth he's never been anyone else" and gave a slight smile as she added "though I expect he'll answer to anything at the moment even the gaps as we stop and think about it …but that's okay it's part of the family healing and he knows it. Come through the garden area it's our back door, just step on the mat and the door will open."

Hank nodded realising again just how much she had grown up and so like her mother, understanding and wise, and did as he was told exclaiming as the slid door opened. "Impressive and Shep opens both."

Meg laughed, "Yes all three actually, and heaven helps us when the children are around, I know." She had stopped by the counter and picked up a light jacket then clipped a radio to it, Jackie bent down and retrieved something from under the counter and called out. "Mr Cummings catch!"

Getting his attention she threw a clip on radio and as Hank caught it she carried on to explain. "Anyone with Ben has one, the red button is the emergency button connected to the hospital and as Bob is here it's quicker to use the green button that will link through to all the others including the hotel reception. Use that only if Ben or Meg collapses say where you are and what's happened and someone will come. The side button is the chat line you press it and speak. You'll hear a click or pip, then my or someone's voice, when you answer just say your name and message. If you hear my and anyone else call your name you use that button, it's really very simple and useful."

Hank at looked at it carefully not touching the red or green button and then attached it to his jacket pocket and looked back at Jackie and realising she was wearing one commented. "You all have one even in here."

Meg who had was now beside him smiled and said, "Yes, it means you're not stuck to a machine, it's a special frequency and the green one is the main frequency. … It also means you are one of the family rather than a guest, though you'll not be allowed alone with Ben yet. … So, as you are up and about does that mean Mum is a wake?"

Hank smiled suddenly feeling trusted and said, "I expect so. She was sleeping and I left her a note saying I was walking not to worry. Didn't tell her about the bad dream, it was history from the last two days and I needed air to sort it out. Though I expect she will have guessed and she knows I always take my cell phone when I walk."

Meg look back at Jackie and asked, "Could we all have breakfast in the garden room?"

Jackie nodded and said, "Yes, warn him though and tell me if he wants to cancel. Val will help me set up she'll be down in a moment and I'll ring through so Mrs Cummings and the rest of your family so everyone knows what's happening." then smiled as she added. "Ben got Simon and Paul to bring in extra tables and chairs yesterday just in case."

Meg laughed and thanked her realising it was just like him to think of it and say nothing, then as they walked through the garden area she noted them stacked in the corner and explained about the garden and how the cover comes over in winter or when they wanted it. She chatted pointing out other things hoping to hide her nervousness about this meeting; she knew it had to happen but first thing in the morning! And silently hoped Jackie had managed bleep Simon quietly to warn them, knowing full well that although Ben liked to give surprises he hated them himself.

As they came to the path, which led down to the sunken garden she shook her head and smiled guessing that the extra benches that were around and no doubt would be in the garden itself were put there at Bob's insistence. No wonder Ben had nicked named him 'mother hen', he knew how far he could walk and didn't even try it if he felt off so didn't need that extra safety belt of seats. Her thoughts were interrupted by Shep bounding towards them and gathering them up.

So there was no creeping up on the threesome and Jackie no doubt got her message over in clicks rather than words as she hadn't heard voices. It was still very quiet and saw Simon and Paul were lying on the grassy bank while Ben stood by the waterfall watching them walk towards him. She smiled taking in how good he looked and called out to the others as they passed them. "Catching up on your beauty sleep then."

Paul and Simon sat up and smiled and said together. "Morning ma'am" with a nod of greeting to Hank as he walked just behind Meg.

Meg quietly sighed silently acknowledging their tone … Oh yeah, they were in good form, well at least they gave a civil nod to her father.

Hank nodded back half expecting them to get up and leave so they could have some privacy, after all Meg was with him. Instead he saw they lay back down and Simon called out as if reading Hank's mind "Pretend we are not here."

Meg had quickened her pace to get to Ben and put a hand on his arm; Ben nodded and touched her hand as a silent okay and called across to Hank. "I'm afraid my hawks will stay, they really don't want to be plucked by mother hen when he finds out a) I'm here or b) they left me. Mother hen by the way is Bob and he was still asleep when I went for my walk and it seemed a shame to wake him."

Simon and Meg snorted while Paul just curled in a giggling ball as Ben carried on. "Don't worry about the lads they are very good at being deaf and dumb. You slept well Hank?"

Meg had to move away from Ben to stop herself from breaking up into giggles … talk about tempting fate especially as Simon and Paul, who managed to stop his giggles looked at each other wide eyed and innocent then nodded to each other and lay down again. But on the other hand she reckoned that comment could be taken as a compliment … he trusted them completely … just as he trusted her … and now they knew it.

"Yes thank you." Hank said easily, knowing he had, up until the nightmare woke him of course but Ben didn't need to know about that, especial after what Meg had told him just now.

Meg managed to calm herself and asked quickly. "The family is coming over for breakfast is that all right?"

Ben nodded and said, "I thought they would come over sometime so added extra tables and chairs, I think Jane added a couple of high chairs as well. Are you all right standing?"

"I'm fine, you?" Meg said gently giving him the chance to move over to the seat if he felt he needed it knowing that once the conversation started he would stand or sit till it was finished.

Ben nodded and turned his attention to Hank and said "Thank you for coming I know it could not have been easy for you.

Hank gave half a smile and said. "Funnily enough once I knew the truth it was easier than I thought, and that was not just because the women and Casey ganged up on me at the time. Though that stopped me trying to find a reason not too and the actual packing wasn't too bad either, though some will come over later."

He turned serious and Meg recognised his tone, there wasn't a threat in it but it was firm, like he used when wanting explain things to her. "We both have one thing in common …well, two actually … love of Meg and her unborn child … and from that starting point I hope we will come to understand each other better. I admit my love for Meg has prejudiced my thoughts about you, and I'm sorry. From your actions I know you will keep to your ideas and respect mine … you have always tried to show your respect for me, I just didn't see it."

Ben nodded knowing Hank would carry on, which he did.

"Last night I went to the church and I suspect you know all about it from Simon and Paul" Ben gave a slight nod so as not to interrupt him. "I want you to know I went not because I had to but because I wanted to, we all wanted to, and it gave us a kind of closure. I didn't know your brother well but I knew the man who loved his children … would give them the world if he could … I recognised that through my own love of my daughters and that was the man I said goodbye to and will remember.

Again Ben nodded his understanding while letting Hank continue.

"I want you to know, that I'm not trying to step into your parents' shoes … it's from a father's point of view that I say the action you took was right and caring and any parent would have been proud of you. It sounds as if your parents nearly succeed in helping Derek only their death stopped it. … You never stopped loving your brother and gave him the chance to receive and give love, for that alone I know your love for Meg and her son is deeper than any of us can understand and thank you for it."

Hank paused for a moment seeing his words were affecting Ben; he didn't want to embarrass him but wanted him to understand they were there for him, and in a lighter gentler tone said. "Last night I talked with Mat and he told me about Paul and other things and I realised how much you care for your friends and tended to shut down on your own pain. I know you understand our pain and I'm asking you not to shut down on yours because of us. I want you to let us help you, know that we are here for you to talk to as well as being here for Meg."

As he finished speaking he held out his hand to Ben, guessing that hugging him at the moment would not quite be the right thing to do. They still had a long way to go, after all he once decked the man before hearing him out.

Listening to it Ben could feel his emotions threatening to over whelm him, he had not expected that opinion but knew from the sincerity in Hanks voice every word was meant and shook his hand and slightly shakily said. "Thank you I will try … but you know I never was one for words."

Hank smiled, that was true and a habit of a lifetime could not be broken in five minutes. "Yes but just having someone beside you is enough I've no doubt you've found that out as you have been getting your health back," looking round he added "this view, area and quiet has no doubt helped a lot."

Ben smiled and nodded remembering the silent hours with Simon or Jack as they sat together just looking as his mind slowly recovered.

Meg who had been standing close by went over to her father and gave him a hug and said, "That's on behalf of both of us. Thank you."

There were voices from behind the hedge, which they all recognised. Ben gave a hand signal to Shep who immediately got up from where he had been sitting and ran up the path.

"He's a beautiful dog." Hank commented as he watched him run.

Both Meg and Ben nodded and listened to the voices … "Mum! it can't be that way it leads to the hedge. … The apartment is that way. … We came out by the hotel side door."

Casey's voice was heard. "Sara, Jackie said follow the path till it splits. Oh look Shep we can't go wrong now."

There was a bark and then Shep came bounding into view only to turn and bound back again. His body language saying 'Hey this is fun!'

Hank chuckled "Defiantly rounding up the lost sheep and loving it."

This time round Shep panting ran over to the bank and lay down so he could watch the top of the path and his master, his tail though never stopped wagging.

Casey came first pushing one twin in a buggy smiled and said, "Yeah could have used him early Sara lost the twins in the carpet."

"Hey, that's not fair!" Sara exclaimed as she came into sight then she saw the garden and the archway. "Wow so this is the small waterfall … the view is fantastic. Dad, Meg." She changed from walking to a run and in a flash Shep was up and by her side expertly running beside with just his head brushing gently against her leg as a warning to slow, which she did automatically on feeling the dog beside her so she was almost at a walk by the time she reached the person she really, really wanted to see.

By the time Sara reached Ben, he was ready for her and opened his arms to her and they hugged. Hank was close enough to also see the danger and stayed ready to catch Ben should he topple, which he didn't. Joan who had the other buggy and twin smiled as she joined the others.

"I think I need to breathe Sara." Ben said gently.

Her muffled and desperate "I know, but I don't want you to disappear again." Was heard by everyone.

Ben moved his arms and gently brushed her hair away from her face and said soft but clearly, "I'm not likely to now."

Sara eased away from him looking at him, took in the pain and sadness and suddenly realised what she had said and gasped exclaiming, "Oh God I'm sorry … I didn't mean it like that. … I'm sorry I made you go." There were so many things she wanted to say and she had muffed it, muddled it and hurting him again.

Ben gently put his arm around her shoulder and eased her so they stood side by side and let her tuck into him, knowing he could sneak a leaning post from her if need be and said reassuringly. "Hey, it's all right and I was going there anyway, but that's in the past now. It's good you are here."

Sara tucked into him deeper as she said "Ben … I've missed you." saying his name and feeling his hand gently rub her arm and a very gentle "I know" made her fully realise he was safe, she was forgiven and her sister would not mind their closeness.

Ben looked over at Joan and smiled and nodded and again at Casey then said to all of them allowing Sara to move when she was ready. "I want to thank you for being here and trying to understand everything. I will always grieve for my brother but saying that I know the harm he has done and I don't want anyone feel they have to be careful around me. I will have a photo in our apartment of him and his children and I hope sometime in the future they will come and visit us.

As for Maria's part in all this" he paused and looked at Hank gave a slight nod then his gaze took in the group as a whole and carried on. "I admit I find it hard to understand but will no doubt with your support come to terms with everything. Most of all I hope I can show you the love I have for Meg and our unborn son is good, and I would like to get to know the twins and for that I think I need to sit down." He ended with a smile and immediately felt Sara move away from him.

Hank's radio clicked, which stopped him in his tracks as to what he was going to say to Ben, he looked across at Meg to see what her reaction was and was not surprised to find his family looking at him in an odd manner. Before he could explain Jackie's voice came out of the radio clipped to his jacket pocket. "Mr Cummings tell Ben the pancakes will be barbequed in five minutes."

Ben sighed, hearing Meg's gentle snort and seeing Sara's puzzled expression and said, "We'll explain later. She's been waiting ages to get me on that one." And flicked his radio and said. "We'll be there in ten minutes I need to meet the twins. … I guess I've got another baby hawk."

Meg laughed and Hank smiled as the reply came back over the radio "A family of them, my lad but not the twins … send Paul in. Don't be too long. Oh Bob's gone to the hotel but left a message, remember this afternoon and I agree with him."

Ben sighed clicked it and said, "Okay I accept defeat." with a shake of his head. He noted Paul was already moving so didn't say anything but as Sara moved towards the bench said. "So apart from losing them in the carpet do you like the rooms."

She laughed, "It was the bedroom one, which is long and fluffy and they love it. Glad I don't have to clean it. And yes I love the rooms, looked at the swimming pool and saw the waterfall it's huge! … Can we go today?" she pleaded.

"Sara" Hank said gently, she turned and looked at him then went over to Susan and got her out of the buggy. Joan came over to Ben who was walking slowly towards the bench and when they were close they hugged and he said gently. "Thank you."

She could see how much this was affecting him and said gently. "I'm glad you found each other. Be warned Susan wriggles." Which made him laugh and he accepted her shoulder to lean on a little till he got to the bench and then he sat down.

Casey and Sara sat on either side of him each had a twin who were getting inquisitive everything this morning had been new. Because they knew Susan was the impatient one they allowed her to go first, Mark would watch and wait.

Meg sat on the new bench and watched as small hands felt his hands and bright eyes watched each other as Sara said "Susan meet Uncle Ben." And listened to his soft "Hi Susan or is that Sue."

Sara laughed and said "We use Susan, she can shorten it later." There was a beautiful giggle and then true to form Susan started to wriggle up into half standing needing support which Sara gave her as well as guiding Ben so he could help support her, again it only lasted a couple of moments before she started to want her Mum.

Then Casey introduced Mark who true to form was quieter, more willing to sit and feel the strange larger hands, the shirt and up to his face and allow Ben to gently hold him and tease the small hands away from near his eyes. Again bright eyes looking at each other taking everything in and a smile met another, which had baby giggles to go with it.

While his sister also giggling became a hundred arms and legs as she tried escape from her mother's lap after all there were so many things that needed exploring so why sit here. Sara expertly stopped her daughter and said "So, when can we go to the waterfall."

Ben laughed and the twins stopped and gave him their attention, getting used to this new voice as he said. "I thought we would have lunch there. It will be a big group so we'll take the hay cart and some horses. Then Meg and I will rest this afternoon allowing you all to explore the area as you wish."

Sara exclaimed looking at her sister. "Can I ride Snow White?"

Meg smiled and nodded.

"Only part of the way." Ben said and the sisters looked at him he carried on with a tease. "You then carry her rest of the way."

"Ben!" Sara exclaimed and hit him gently on the shoulder though mindful of her daughter who was now asking Hank for a pick up which he happily gave. Casey took Mark who was showing signs of wanting to move.

Ben smiled. "Sorry couldn't resist. But I don't think it would be wise to ride all the way and you might like to try Moonbeam for a short time."

"Ben, you mean she's here!" Meg exclaimed

Ben nodded, "Yes she arrived with Flash and Lightening yesterday afternoon with apologies for the change in schedule. We put them in the bottom paddock so they would have peace and quiet. Jackie will ride her first to make sure she's okay … we can't have Sara disappearing off into the distance now can we?"

Meg giggled seeing her father's little nod, which luckily Sara didn't see or perhaps didn't take notice of as Ben carried on. "Non riders can sit and laugh, Val has her own so she'll not be fighting and we can fix up the others on rota of half rides so no one gets too stiff."

"Who is Moonbeam?" Sara asked puzzled why Meg had been so excited.

Ben explained. "Snow White's sister and she has a golden hint in her mane and tail and she's yours, Casey can have Trigger till we find one for him, the other two are Shetlands which the twins can use when they are older but for now they'll join Thor and Blacky. In the stables"

"Ben!!" Sara exclaimed giving him a sitting down hug.

Partly smothered Ben said. "It seemed only fair and I never gave you two wedding presents."

"Thank you." Casey and Sara said together.

All the radios clicked and Ben said "Breakfast I guess. Hank if you will lead the way Meg and I will follow I need a moment."

As Hank passed Simon he asked. "Will you be coming with us?"

Simon was getting up having answered the click of the radio knowing the others were engaged and replied. "On the ride yes so will everyone else who came back yesterday along with wives you met last night … for now I'll wait back with Shep make sure they're okay."

"Not giving him any room just like a shadow." Hank said slightly concerned.

Simon smiled remembering how it affected Meg in beginning though Ben being in the chair compensated for the intrusion. "For now, but even when we are certain he has recovered from his collapse there will have to be someone close by. Tell Jackie we'll not be long." With that he started to walk towards Ben and Meg, while Hank put his arm round Joan and guiding them said "Their garden room is amazing. …..

oxoxo

Meg came over and sat beside Ben and leant against him and felt his arm come round her shoulder and snuggled into him with a gentle. "All right."

"Yes will be. I just need a moment's quiet."

Meg gave a gentle laugh and said quietly "Too many, too much."

"Yes and No." He said with a sigh feeling slightly mixed up.

"It's okay I understand and so will they. We will be all right you know that don't you." She guessed he felt like she did happy with a touch of sadness and a little over whelmed it was going so well.

"Yes and thank you."

"You're welcome. Sara's right the view is Wow."

They stayed silent and looked across the valley letting their minds settle and then with a sigh they got up and with Simon and Shep close by they walked back to the apartment to what they both knew would be a noisy breakfast.

oxoxo

Hoped you enjoyed please review.


	62. Chapter 62

**Chapter 62**

Meg glanced over at her sister who was sitting near her as the giggles and crashing of toys behind her got louder. As Sara didn't move from looking out the window she smiled and convinced herself - her sister would really move if necessary - and went back to reading and writing her email.

**Hi Robert**

**Hope you are all okay where ever you are, we are fine.**

**I promised to let you know how things are going and my thoughts. First one is it feels strange not having to put in the coding disc or mind what I say.**

**Another my … no our dream is slowly coming true, our love … well … I did not think it possible but it has deepened and we are getting used to having our family around us. **

**I say our family not mine because unknown to me till recently Ben has always thought of them as his adopted family (that's not taking anything away from Mandy and Jack; he is definitely closer to them and always will be). When did he feel like that … well from the first time he met Mum apparently … that seems like a life time ago ... and it didn't wavier not even after Dad yelled at him or then decked him when first meeting Benjy at Ocean Drive … No, Ben just put it on hold waiting till the right time ... **

**I hope I have not tempted Fate admitting that, knowing our history. **

**Me … I'm getting to know my family again and realise just how much I've missed them… and I don't mean any disrespect to Mandy and her family they have been so good to me. **

**You were right my family have changed … how can I say this without sounding too judgemental or as if I know everything … which I don't … just as it is I suppose … **

**Dad always was a good father, but the man I'm now seeing is better I don't know whether that is because we see each other as adults, equal to each other … due to events and time away. Or the therapy he had has enabled him to relax and realise he had and has nothing to prove or protect; he was and is loved because of who he is. **

**Of course it could also be because I have grown up in the meantime so see it through adult eyes. **

**Whatever it is, I see him with Mum and know their love is stronger than before; it must have been strong to have survived us lot and his doubts. … He has that equal love for Sara as well and she knows it and trusts it. I see him with Casey and see two men bonded together with friendship and respect. With the twins a dotting Grandfather but able to stand back when needed. Lastly but by no means least I see him with Ben the friendship is tentative, but with understanding and respect and will grow.**

**As for Mum well she is her loving non-judgemental self and someone I can talk to, though there are things I find I can not tell her so I talk to Mandy and Jackie and I know she understands this and accepts it ... she even told me it was okay. **

**Sara and Casey have changed a bit … guess that comes with being parents and having new responsibilities, having said that Sara has joined me in our girls' night out. We had one the other night, which included the gang from the offices as well as Jackie and Val … oh yes … adding Sara to the mix made life very interesting indeed!!! and will be repeated as often as possible.**

**I did wonder if Simon would be jealous of Casey and Ben's friendship but they are growing together in a threesome … can't say that really as Paul and Stephen are also included in the group. Well you saw for yourself how well Ben and Casey clicked back together … as though the months of separation never happened. But they did and have been discussed in quiet moments. **

**Of course Mum and Dad get on really well with Mandy and Jack so you could say we are merging into one big family with extra friends on the side. (Just looked at that and laughed it sounds like a meal with extras you get in a restaurant. But you know what I mean.)**

**That's enough about thoughts … **

**I will admit it was quiet after everyone left and I'm glad the leaving was staggered in days rather than hours, and now as the days pass we are back to being just one of the crowd rather than a news item. Tyus has booked up an autumn break already and that does not include the break he intends to take when John is christened … I think it's going to be a bit crowded then, Mat will come with family of course. **

**Okay quiet might not be the right word especially as the twins are around and Sara is still bubbly. Can't make up my mind whether the twins take after her or she takes after the twins.**

**Help!! She read that bit. **

**It's okay Susan needs attention so I can carry on. **

**And we have a new routine to get used to.**

**Before I say anymore I hear you've not been back to SB and have finally let the acting Manager have his head. I hope it's not because of the events surrounding Derek's death, Sunset Beach is a beautiful place and we owe you such a lot. **

**I guess it means you will be in Seattle or Boston a lot more, mind you if Sue and family have anything to do with it I think we'll be seeing you again soon I heard something about weekend breaks as well as winter and cross country skiing. Yoyo comes to mind. LOL**

**Just to say the obvious. **

**Sara and the twins are with me and we are in one of my favourite places, upstairs looking over the stables and down the pathway. The twins are trying out the play area and toys so as you can imagine its noisy lots of giggles and bangs. We are waiting for the men to come back from their morning ride, sun is shining of course. I said men I should say gang, as Mum and Jackie are with them Val would have gone but she is overseeing a meeting regarding the alterations to the Swimming Pool … her turn will come tomorrow no doubt. **

**So onto us … we have had a few tears - don't get worried the tears were good.**

**The other visitors came on Saturday and stayed for a few days, hence the tears and my knowing about your absence from SB … they also told me they miss you being around, I thought you should know. Mandy and Jack were our main hawks for the day and met them at the airport so they knew what to expect when they arrived here. **

**As you might expect things got a bit tense as we waited … But it was beautiful to see Bette and Ben together. They met on the hotel lawn rather than the sunken garden (all the guests were out so it was private not a peep show, Mum and Dad met her and AJ later) AJ, Jude and Annie were there as well of course and Charles came for the day. **

**The exact spot … one of your favourites … come out of the conservatory doors and on to the flat area where you've got across the top of the valley as a backdrop. The sun was in the right place and stayed out so showed the valley off to them, later it ducked behind heavy clouds and showed them how moody it can look. **

**You know I don't think I've every seen Bette so emotional - tears and very bubbly at the same time, and yes she ran to Ben and no they did not tip over … well she managed to slow before she got to Ben … Shep came up to her first as a kind of buffer. You know I think they've both got their acts off to perfection now. … Umm should not have said that Ben might tip over next time. **

**Of course he didn't sweep her of her feet, instead she tucked into his embrace beautifully - I know that feeling so well - and don't begrudge it one bit. We all left them 'alone' for a moment … okay a big moment … then AJ went across and had a few words. Yeah they shook hands then hugged as well.**

**You know I'm going to hate myself for admitting this but I'm beginning to like Annie. **

**Ummm did I really say that?**

**Strange she was shy of Ben … stayed beside Jude while they talked and it was not till Ben actually put his hand on her shoulder that her reserves broke down and she went into a hug. … Yes it was tearful and I admit he cried as well but he'd had tears with Bette as well so fair's, fair… perhaps the tears were for Derek as well … she was in her way close to both of them. **

**Sigh … I must be truthful … I was a little bit jealous … okay a lot … but I told myself off and was okay after that. … After all I have him for a life time she does not.**

**Jude left them for a moment came and joined me on a bench and we had a good chat. … Oh yes, those benches are still there and don't tell Bob but they are useful - Ben and Annie sat on one for a long chat.**

**Outcome of the talk … well something amazing … Annie wanted Derek and Ben remembered in Sunset Beach in a positive way and as brothers not enemies or victims. **

**I don't suppose you know but The Deep is going to be revamped the owners want to give it a new image, Jude told me they wanted to get Maria's influence out of the building, they know Ben designed and built it … well had it built … so they want to keep the name. The Java Webb will stay the same, that was all Ben and like The Deep in time the owners will be the ones talked about not past one. Believe it or not Ocean Drive has a family in it all ready, they have a boy and girl about ten and twelve and a couple of dogs. Yep Bette gave us the low down says they are nice, also said Sunset Sister is doing well and some new stuff is appearing, which is good to hear. **

**Back to Annie and the Gallery … the shop area is doing very well … She knew Derek always hoped the gallery part would be used to help the kids in the college … sort of first step on the ladder and display their work as well as having umm I was going to say proper artists but I think I mean established and or even famous ones. But Maria stopped that idea, she wanted her work and some more established local ones, though she apparently promised that once they had a reputation she would think about the college students showing there. It was her project so Derek's ideas had to take the back seat.**

**Well now the idea is going to be taken up and Ben's going to help.**

**He's going to finance the scheme, which hopefully will be self supporting eventually; all types of art not just painting will be shown. Works would be sold of course, with Annie and staff providing the administration back up. Well, we all know that first step into the outside world is the biggest and show space is hard to come by. The established artists again all types and may not just be American, though, I doubt there will anything way out or big … it is after all only a small gallery. Having said that, Annie reckons they can hang about fifty paintings … must say that sounds a lot. I suppose they can use the stairway as well.**

**Needless to say it will have a Web site and she was talking about a large van, I don't whether that was for travelling exhibitions or just from the college to gallery. I would think the college would have transport … anyway Jude said something about chipping in as well if needs be.**

**The name of the gallery is to be changed to The Evans Brothers Gallery … they played with the idea of The Evans Twins Gallery but that sounded a bit of a mouthful and Derek and Ben Evans Gallery did not have quite the right ring to it either apparently and she didn't want it to stay as The Gallery. The students and or teachers are going to be asked come up with the design and making of the sign etc. In the window by the entrance they will have photos of both, one each side of the name as they were just before he died. That seems odd seeing it in print … I mean recent photos of them.**

**Of course Derek will be named and shown first this was his project, sort of, he was the first twin and it will be his memorial, there will be booklets about the exhibits and have their history but not in too much gory detail.**

**I think is a lovely idea for Annie to work on, apparently she was standing in the gallery wondering what to do with it and remembered the conversation. It was empty Maria's stuff has been put in permanent store under Ricardo and Antonio's care. Hopefully with Ben's backing it should not fail in the early stages and should manage to attract the more established 'artists' as well even if they are just the local ones. **

**Annie saw the photo over the fireplace of Derek with Benjy and Samantha sitting on the bench and asked if that could be the one to be used. We made a copy and had it framed and then took a new one of us in the sunken garden for Ben's, – I know he says I look good, but I still think I will look better holding baby John in my arms and with my figure back so hopefully we can change it later. Oh doesn't that sound vain! … Umm there is the other point … do we alter our photos as years go by or do we keep them as of now sort of frozen in the time of his death and the new idea. Guess we'll have time to think on that one.**

**We sounded Dad out as well and he liked the idea and Annie's telling Ricardo so it will not come out of the blue so as to speak. My only reservation … will people be on a villain trip and want to hunt out the highlights so never let him or the story rest in peace … as we want him to … **

**Jack thinks if the booklet is done low key it should be all right. What do you think?**

**While Jude got to know Ben he discussed and took a statement regarding Tim's application to adopt Abby, which as you can guess we supported. Mum and Dad also made one out. Still find it hard to think of Ben supporting Tim considering their history but hey, what about this then Annie and I managed to talk without fighting … Wow! … **

**Seriously she's going to take a while to get over everything as will Bette. … **

**Yeah and the rest of us … Sara admitted to me the other day it's the fact that no one saw the red flag waving in September 1999 that really bugs them (and me). They say hindsight is a wonderful thing, don't really think so. Looking back it should have been obvious to anyone … everyone that something was wrong. I mean why would 'Ben' go back to his wife having gone through hell to try and stay with his soulmate. … Of course my walking out on the real Ben before he went to Seattle did not help matters at all. **

**Well as I know how they feel I also know they will get over it, especially as they have seen and talked to him. As you can guess some of the talks were between just the three of them and he was sitting in the middle … Brave lad. **

**Of course, time and normality helps, they have AJ and Jude's love to help them get there. By the way you are right Jude and Ben get on very well together.**

**Yes I guess Annie is okay (in small doses). Mind you she did tell me not to make Ben unhappy or she would hunt me down. LOL**

**They of course went sight seeing between chats etc, they also brought with them a couple of pictures drawn by Benjy but more special was a note saying 'Thank you very much, love Benjy and Sam' that was for the videos and still photos of Derek. Ben wrote back and hopefully this will be a start of them getting to know each other. Ricardo wrote a longer letter explaining they'd shown them one of them. As you know they were listed and Benjy chose the very last one taken to watch and apparently he talked about the school trip he'd been on the next day after he saw the tape. He'd been saving it up to tell Daddy as promised and felt he could do so as his dad was on the screen. **

**That must have been tough all round but Ricardo says Benjy seems to be a bit more settled now, which is good. And he can watch the other videos any time he wants to. They thought even though Samantha could not understand it all she should watch so Benjy understood she was not excluded. I think they might keep her away next time though poor thing could not understand why Dada did not come out of the screen or come to her when she called. … That must have been very difficult for them to make her understand or calm her down. Otherwise she is coping and she has a sister and brother to distract her and Benjy's got two sisters to distract him. **

**Ricardo says they are staying in the house and having alterations done around them. Having words with Bette and AJ and it's a big thing for Ricardo to talk about but he admits he and Antonio are finding things difficult … he more than Antonio … not surprisingly really considering his history with Ben, and of course he took on family responsibilities when their father died. Antonio of course looked up to all three being the youngest in the family and its good he's now close to Ricardo also the other Fathers at the Mission are taking him under their wings. I also had a chatty letter from Gabi saying in spite of such a big change they are doing okay though they have very little 'quiet time' – yep can understand that one – also people have been good to them on the whole. **

**As I said Charles came as well … good to see him … Ben enjoyed his chat legal and otherwise and he'll come another time with the family but time is tight. He brought news about the women … they were making things difficult and asking for 'birth right' visits from the children especially as Samantha's birthday is due very soon. As you can guess he is drawing up legal petitions to prevent it, we have yet to hear how it's going. **

**Oh yes about Sara and the Lodge.**

**Umm well as you can guess Sara loves not having to clear up or do the washing, loves having meals 'out' as in a walk across the lawn or have them sent over if they are feeling lazy, (before she looks round and reads it … yes Casey enjoys it as well … she's not a bad cook just has lapses from time to time) and of course there are the offers of babysitting not just Mum and Dad either. Well we all knew Jack had a soft heart under that hard Police Chief exterior! then there's that swimming pool downstairs … just too tempting so they are going to stay in the Lodge till as she says the children grow up and then move out. Of course she's yet to realise there will be guest in there as well, first lot due next week.**

**Perhaps I should get you to have a word to her about kids and them growing up. Hope yours are being kind to you. Not too many late nights, I guess instead of tears or diaper changes it's banging doors as they come in late or early in the morning or you finding the fridge empty because of late night feasts, loud music and then of course there are the emergency sleepovers! – Still chuckling over that one. **

**Mum and Dad are thinking about the Parkers' place it's on the corner of The Grove two roads down from the Church, a beautiful four bedroom house and an amazing garden especially when the leaves change their colour. They (as in the Parkers) came over yesterday morning and said they will be moving to the next State to be with their daughters and want it to go to a good family. That made Mum laugh, they also said one of their downstairs rooms is very large, airy and has glass doors opening into the back garden. There is a shed large enough to stable a horse for a short time if need be … Mind you they never saw the shed back home or at SB, perhaps they can get a second one put up. It was lovely that they thought about of Ben being able to visit family. **

**So we are waiting on that Mum and Dad may visit tomorrow. **

**Talking about visits though and I'm not banking on it … well not for this year anyway … a hotel across the valley is having alterations done and Val's little group is going to do the design etc. The ground floor is going to be used for disabled visitors, one suite of rooms is very large and she is going to try and keep it that way. The hotel has access to a stable next door and will accept guide and alert dogs also is on the edge of town. So perhaps we might be able to go for our holiday after all. Yes I know that either Sara etc or Jackie etc will come with us but that's okay they can always stay in our sister hotel if needs be. **

**Yes the new family are getting used to the idea of being hawks; actually I think the experienced hawks will eventually turn into friends as time goes on but at the moment they are definitely hawks to both of us. Back to the new ones, they all found it a bit unsettling at first having someone around Ben all the time but once they realised that what is heard by the experienced hawks is 'forgotten' or not talked about they were okay. Of course they've got to get used to that kind of treatment as well. I must admit I find it a bit hard to treat them the same way we treat Jackie. Umm that sounds wrong but I think you know what I mean. Perhaps we will never treat them the same way because they are family and there will always be that guardedness.**

**Before you think it has been all sweetness and light our 'volcano' has erupted, not a huge one but big enough to put everyone on their guard. Yes someone stepped over the line on a bad morning and yes it's still - he sits and I or whoever walks out. I did think of sending the twins in first to test the water but seemed unfair, nope not going to say on whom, but things got sorted out and now everyone knows the ground rules for if or when it happens again. LOL**

**As I said earlier Dad and Ben have been getting to know each other and that includes just sitting near to each other in silence looking across the valley. Which is good, Mum has admitted to me she has always had a soft spot for Ben (who can blame her) and they have been having little chats as well. **

**I'm feeling very happy because Bob came by and gave Ben another check up and the results are good, though we now know Ben will have to carry on having either early nights or baby sleeps in the afternoon as he calls them. That is fine by me as I have the afternoon ones and no we don't have them together … one is on the sofa the other on the bed. Of course, whoever wakes first watches till the other one wakes and I love watching him sleep. It makes me remember just how lucky I am. His nightmares are not so bad and becoming less frequent again. … Best of all, that smile is coming back … yes he still has quiet times and finds the family group over whelming some of the time so needs space but that's fine we all expect that and will find our way around it. **

**To be honest I find I need space now I'm not working and I have quiet times as well … there are a lot of things to think about … One of the things I've realised is that during the earthquake I came face to face with the real Maria or Dana, as I knew her - the one 'she' let out to trap Ben and he fell in love with, the one that was/is smothered by greed. The Dana I knew was a gentle person and I can understand how Ben loved and trusted her and I mourn her loss. **

**On to Casey I guess Mat has told you the latest development about working on Conservation Developments, if it does go ahead and I think it will, he is going to share the office at the Hardware Store (mind you from what I see of Ben and Casey together recently I doubt if there will be much work done!) and it will be part time as he wants time to share with the whole family. Just a thought as Ben is part time and so is Casey their shifts at the Hardware Store might not be together so some work might get done. OH don't you dare tell them I wrote that!**

**Dad has shown an interest in the Hardware and Smithy complex … should be interesting. Mum is happy, well being Mum to us all and chatting with Mandy … umm half an hour chat turns into an afternoon session, but time will tell. Sara seems to be happy just being mum and sister at the moment which is good.**

**So I guess we are settling down one thing we do know our time together is more important than jobs. Hey, it's not as though we are broke especially as someone who will remain nameless is still 'playing' with ideas as Simon once said.**

**There is a possibility that Simon will have more freedom after all Casey is a fully qualified lifeguard so hopefully he will be able to go out riding with Ben possibly even by themselves. They go as a threesome when time permits on short easy rides … well Casey is still feeling his way, so is Dad come to that. LOL yep feeling stiff and sore afterwards … should not laugh I hope to ride once John is born. **

**Unfortunately the School has not relented but Ben will no doubt be in the stables when the kids are around but we will have to tread carefully as we don't want the rides to stop all together. **

**Paul is revamping the nightclub and is unstoppable!!!!! especially as he has been told unofficially that things are looking good and he should get the all clear in a month's time. The police investigation is on going and they won't tell us the details. Paul and Val have found a house and moved in, its six months rental with an offer of a buy after that. So we are getting used to them not being around and Val is very happy now she's working with her group and new trades people and of course there is no family pressure.**

**Back to me … sure I'm getting bigger, … fidget is well getting fidgety and I can't wait for the birth. I know months away yet … Of course I'm getting all the horror stories from Sara but I gently remind her I'm only having one and she smiles sweetly and said hidden twin but I'm not that big and they checked, still only one. The twins well they are educating me in all the tricks of the trade as well … so poor old fidget when born will not stand a chance. – I know, who am I kidding! **

**Writing that reminds me of the snapshot we all missed and you would have loved … lounge area and was Ben reading the twins a story – it must be his voice - once he got started they stopped fidgeting and settled down and eventually dropped off to sleep. One each side of him tucked into a cuddle with the book on his lap and yes he managed to turn the pages over, guess what Shep at his feet asleep as well his nose resting on Ben foot. … Sara's no fool, so I guess we will just have to wait camera close by for another time and yes there will be other times you should have seen the gleam in Sara's and Casey's eyes.**

**The new Chief decided to do a job share rather than go back to his old stamping ground!!! which amused and pleased Jack. Yep he's with the riding group at the moment so is Mandy. Plans for his retirement party are in full swing the whole town is involved. You know the date so come with the family … you know we can put you up if the hotel can't … that applies to any time. Oh yeah party will be at the hotel and police station so bring ear plugs if you want to sleep.**

**Give love to everyone from all of us and take care.**

**Meg. **

"Hey Meg! I guess we should start thinking about food and drinks." Sara said as she saw the group ride into view.

Meg laughed and gently teased, "You never stop" and sent her mail off.

Sara stretched and exclaimed in a pout "That's not fair" then stopped and just stood and watched then said gently. "You know I never realised just how good Casey looked on a horse."

Meg gave a soft laugh, Sara turned and looked at her sister and shook her head. "Okay they both look good and tomorrow I'm going with Val and Jackie so you can have the twins.

"Oh gee thanks!" Meg said in mock horror, knowing full well she'd have her mother to help and if she twisted Ben's arm very gently he'd stay around. A thought struck her and she gave a short sharp laugh making her sister look at her before she started to pick the twins up to take them downstairs.

Meg looked at her and shook her head then took a deep breath sort of explained. "I was remembering Shep and the twins."

Sara smiled remembering the incident and exclaimed "Yeah he's good, but I bet you they get him retrieving their toys soon." She picked up one twin and exclaimed looking at the guilty party in her arms. "Hey, madam, you wriggle, you fall okay!"

It was greeted by bright eyes and another giggle, but then Susan stilled as if knowing she should be good and her brother was going to be picked up. Which he was, quickly and easily tucked under the other arm so they were both secure and knew it, for the trip downstairs.

It still amazed Meg how her sister managed the pair so easily and that they could behave when really necessary; of course other times they were terrible in a charming way, unless you were trying to round them up. Yeah and they knew it so would split up and at a fast rate of knots crawl under the nearest tables or chairs and sit and wait, of course once they knew how to ….

Sara got to the top of the stairs to go down and called back "Dreamboat! food and drinks are downstairs and we've to get them no hawks!"

Meg laughed and followed her sister.

oxoxo

That afternoon Meg sat quietly watching Ben sleep; she had been woken by fidget and knew she needed to take a walk to get comfortable again. But she stopped when passing the sleeping area and sat for a moment, now she got up to continue her journey as fidget well was fidgeting again. She went over and very gently kissed Ben on the forehead before walking towards the bathroom. She smiled as she passed Shep who looked asleep, but his tail was the give away as it wagged and she wondered if he'd been faking it or perhaps he had been worn out … what with the ride and then the twins.

The door from the garden area slide open and Meg's smile grew bigger because her mother came in with a tray of cakes then she jumped when she heard a gentle remark from the sleeping area "I hope they are lemon curd or strawberry Joan."

Meg resisted the temptation to turn round, she'd been so sure he'd been deeply asleep when she kissed him …but that was not a sleepy remark or observation … so he was getting sneaky and she'd better watch out.

Joan looked across and laughed as she answered "Both actually Ben, like tea to go with them. Everything okay Meg?" she'd seen the smile go to thoughtful in the couple of seconds.

Meg brightened and answered immediately. "Yes thanks, been baking then?"

Joan made her way over to the kitchen area as she spoke. "No just overseeing the hotel chef, Mandy liked mine and wanted to add them to the menu. We'll be in the garden when you come out I assume." Guessing where her daughter was heading.

As Meg disappeared into the bathroom she yelled out. "I need to check mail in case Robert's written." Yeah if he was that much a wake he could do it for her.

Leaving the sleeping area Ben called back "Fine we'll eat in." then he carried on to Joan with a slight tease in his voice. "You know Joan you're making a very good hawk you're timing is soo good and goodies as well."

He walked over to the kitchen area and as soon as Joan turned away to make the tea he sneaked a cake and took a bite.

Filling the kettle and not looking round Joan exclaimed. "Hey! that's cheating Ben."

With a mouthful Ben said "Oh I see eyes in the back of the head too."

Joan laughed, "No, just know you."

Ben smiled and huffed and finished his cake then went over to the dining area and dealt with the computer so it would be ready for Meg when she appeared, and commented. "Umm these are not bad but yours have a special touch." Joan chuckled at the complement as Ben continued. "So any after affects from this morning's ride." Remembering it was slightly longer than her last one.

"No … okay just a little stiff but not sore … I like Beauty she's an easy ride so I think I'll stick with her from now on." Joan continued to make the tea and when it was ready poured theirs out and took it to the table for them and said. "I'll be over there while you and Meg read the mail; Sara will be along later the twins have taken a leaf out of your book and taking an afternoon nap which means they will be full of themselves for the rest of the day."

Ben smiled and nodded knowing it was her turn to be around as Simon was out on a ride, in some ways he was frustrated that he needed his hawks so much and his new family had to turn into hawks rather than just being there. But he also knew they were watching out for Meg as well. After all, he'd unwittingly proved that he could not be relied on, his mind still froze in times of stress and there was one thing he could not cope with and not likely to in the near future. Stairs ... and Meg liked to go up them up to her quiet area. It was so simple and so stupid of him - he'd felt normal – they were all here, no history to be uptight about and Meg was upstairs by herself and there'd been a loud bang - she'd dropped something - but there had been silence afterwards. He'd been close to the stairs and moved automatically to go up to see what had happened. But he froze and had flashbacks when he'd gone up three or four steps up and Hank who'd seen it had been there to catch him as he went down the quick way. Meg had been all right and the others had been around and been good made little fuss of the matter but he'd deserved Mandy's chastising that he should have known better. But it had been the first time he'd forgotten what he could not do; now he knew he could not forget, he'd have to always think before acting. So now they were watching him, yeah like hawks for the next time, but also they were watching out for Meg and he wondered if he would ever get back to normal….

A cake being sneaked off of the plate and that oh so innocent smile from Meg stopped his thoughts … except for one - he loved her - and gently shook his head and eyed her as if tell her off and said softly. "They are good but you or your Mum's are better." then added with a look. "There is one from Robert do you want to censor it first."

Meg had taken a bite of the cake and was trying hard not to laugh at his words or that look he gave her so turned to the computer then found the mail. When she had finished enough of her mouthful to speak she said, "No should not think so." Then added in a tone he'd understand. "That's known as crawling Ben" then glancing back at the plate of cakes commenting. "Umm not bad though … perhaps a second one just to make sure." then added with a smile as she looked at him "I think I saved Sally from a bad day."

Ben laughed and sneaked another cake of a different flavour and started to read with her.

**Hi Meg**

**You just saved my life.**

**Or Sally's … Just got out from one of ****those**** board meetings. **

**I forgot just how bad they can be … mind numbing was not the word … decided that delegation is definitely going to be my byword from now on.**

**Bad mood must have shown as I stormed back to my office … Hey I thought I was the boss round here … anyway Sally brave girl called out that you had sent me mail and I should take time out and read it. **

**She came in with my coffee and two notices - one she slipped on to my phone it said 'Out of order till further notice' and pined a 'don't disturb' notice on my door. That is my side of the door not hers!!!!!!!!!**

**So I took the hint and opened your mail and loved it. Glad to know you are all settling into some kind of routine … even if it changes … and ideas for the future … very obviously keeping well.**

**Sorry I missed Bette's visit must have been something and yes I think Annie's idea is a good one. A thought there could be a plaque by Derek's photo giving name, birthday and date he died but not how and just the birthday by Ben's photo to show he is still around … if you see what I mean. It would satisfy the mildly curious, and then have handbooks regarding exhibits free or priced. There will always be people interested in the history of the twins so that information could be given in another priced booklet as you say facts rather than gory details. As for photos they would be the ones frozen in time and I don't see why you can't change it after John's birth, shows the twins family. I well can understand why Annie chose that one for Derek it's beautiful one even without knowing its history. **

**Glad Ricardo is finding someone to talk to and they as a family are coping. **

**As you put your thoughts down so I think I should do the same and yes if Ben is looking over your shoulder that is fine.**

**I know you both feel in my debt but what I did for the pair of you I did out of friendship and I would do again expecting nothing in return … you and I took a leap of faith at the airport … Ben in spite of his past took a huge leap of faith and trusted me when I met him. I have never regretted those leaps of faith, which have turned into deep friendship. **

**In fact both of you are repaying me by allowing Sue and I to be Godparents to your son. As you know we cannot have children and I love my adopted daughters dearly but I missed their childhood - their real father had that and I do not begrudge him that at all. Now we have a chance to help look after a baby boy (when born) and love him to bits and will happily give him back to you (both) when he cries, that bit is a promise.**

**So keep well and take care of yourselves and let me know the minute he is born. **

**Ummm I think knowing the pair of you and life I had better rephrase that and ask that you email me and as soon as it is feasible after the birth. **

**Hey, I could be anywhere and time zones are so difficult to keep track of – I need my beauty sleep. No comment Meg! Or you Ben come to that. But it also goes without saying use the 24 phone if you need us urgently and we will fly in.**

**Thinking about kids … umm perhaps I should warn Sara … no perhaps not … Anyway our girls surprised us when we left you, as you know they are a pair of tearaways … hey that is part of growing up but to be honest they were getting pretty hostile to each other and were starting not to talk to us. You saw them at their best and three days after we returned they took us out for a meal. It was to our favourite restaurant not theirs. You know the place I mean and it is hard to get into and you have to book ahead, hence the three days and they were very lucky with that. They have a quintet to play music while you eat and you can book a music slot with the table … they asked for a couple of songs that were special to us ... not up beat stuff they love. Would have loved to have seen everyone's' reaction to their music and the quintet play it come to that. **

**I must admit I started to wonder what the catch was but there was not any. Instead they thanked us for being who we are and talked about how they felt about each other and what they wanted to do in the future. They also explained that through meeting and knowing your story it made them think and realise they did not need to fight each other or the memories of their father, that we are a family and would help each other regardless and I reassured them the memories of their father were fine by me. It was all in all an amazing meal. **

**So really I should be thanking you for helping them and us - I now have two daughters who are well behaved - mind you I think they will revert to being tearaways again very soon but the harsh edge will have gone. Sue and I are revaluating our life styles as well so Boston trips will be less often or joint become ventures where possible but one thing I can guarantee is we will be visiting you as much as we can if you will have us in our varying numbers. Will bring ear plugs when necessary.**

**On to other matters**

**I should have known Bette would have told you. **

**True I have not been to SB since Derek's death, as you know part of my life is classified and I can say I've seen some evil things during that time. But what those women did and threw away disturbed me … they had his love … and he gave them a gift of children … and for him that was a huge statement … and they cold heartedly destroyed it all … and for something he would have given them if they had asked. **

**I will go back when the time is right - possibly a flying visit on Samantha's birthday not necessarily to see them just to be in town at the time. I suspect it will be a quiet affair but on the other hand no one wants Benjy to feel he's being forgotten so I will check to see what is happening and if Hank and Joan would like a flight in as there are no direct flights from you I'll give them a lift from Seattle. They can stay over either side if they want just let me know that included a night at SB if needs be. That is assuming your husband does not book a plane for them to fly direct.**

**I don't have to worry about the Office at SB I know it's in good hands and what is more he understood and agreed with my reasons when I explained them to him before I left to return with you. – He had been thinking I didn't trust him and was going to have a showdown with me but events intervened … I would have told him part of the truth knowing I could trust him.**

**As soon as I read your mail I rang Charles (on the cell so as not to disturb Sally's note) regarding the birthday visits and found out things have moved on and they are very unlikely to go ahead. Apparently there was a small court sitting and the Judge asked Benjy if he wanted to see his mother and grandmother and he stated without help from Ricardo that he did not and thought it would be best if they left him and Samantha alone because they killed his father. I believe the Judge will not only look at the petition and heed Benjy's words and make the decision for the years to come as well rather than coming back every year. So it would be till the both become of age and can make their own decisions. Or of course might make it forever which would stop the women from stirring things in future years. Charles will be sending full details as soon as possible.**

**At that hearing Tim also made a statement on Abby's behalf so that should stop Tess's bid, she is also trying to stall the adoption sighting Tim's past … including his infatuation with you Meg, right down to his parents attitude towards him to prove he is not a suitable person to look after her child. I think she believes that a Judge will free her if she can prove there is no one else to look after Abby but I'm sure she will fail on all counts. A lot of people are coming forward with statements supporting Tim and of course the fact that you both support him means an awful lot.**

**Unfortunately the women are putting all the blame on Derek saying they were afraid of him as well as being infatuated by him - he cannot answer for himself so we will have to do it for him. **

**Annie of course is the best person to give statements as to how things were with the families having contact with Tess and Maria through the Gallery and Art shop. It goes without saying Ross will also give a statement but as he is facing charges of being a con-artist so it may be difficult to make the jury believe the truth. I have talked with the man who took the videos and he will make a statement in court of how he saw the families interact – his credentials should stand him in good stead. Other people are coming forward as rumours are spreading about what they are doing. **

**To be honest though I think the best statement will come from the videos themselves especially the ones of his last days – they all show he was a loving father and in the earlier ones they show the three women happy and without fear. If you and Ben agree a legal copy can be made of the original tapes they have the dates and times on them it would mean a judge or officer of the law overseeing the copying of all the tapes from the camera not the video ones as they were edited. You can insist that the copy tapes be destroyed in front of a reliable witness after they have been shown in court or Judge. Charles reckons they will be able to get it done in closed court so as to protect the children. Think about it.**

**The other ploy Maria can play is dual personality - as you say Meg 'Dana' was an innocent and surfaced during the earthquake, the person known as 'Maria' certainly is not –of course such a claim will delay the trial as proof will have to be found and she will have to have sessions with a shrink etc. **

**Unfortunately you knew Dana and so might have to give evidence, ironically on her behalf i.e. proving she is two different people. If so Charles will insist it is via statement or video link and it would be after the baby is born. Of course she would call for statements from everyone who knew her … that would mean Ben having to relive everything but Mandy and Bob can give evidence to protect him. If she does go down that line she could end up serving life in the hospital wing, which no doubt sounds a good option to her as she already knows life will not be easy from them. The even inmates waiting trial have a code and they've broken it so they've been segregated. We for our part will make sure she knows that life in the hospital wing is not an easy option. **

**Regarding the house in Franklin Street ownership has been secured and plans have been approved to demolish and a secure play area to be erected will let you know how that progresses.**

**On to better things. **

**Ben – Mat and I tried out your idea and it worked so I guess we will have to think of what commission you should have … and ways to keep you 'playing' as Simon says not help you to cut back as no doubt they are telling you to. Rest is important.**

**Well I guess it's back to thinking about that blessed meeting … of course I could just delegate it to my deputy, who I swore had dropped off to sleep, but was too far away to be kicked to find out and let him knock some sense into their heads.**

**If I don't see you before the birth I will definitely see you after … till then love from us all.**

**Robert.**

As she'd read the bit about Dana Meg felt a shiver run through her and then Ben's hand rest gently on her arm. Now she looked at him and as he gave her a smile she saw his eyes were clouded with pain but his voice was gentle and steady as he said. "We knew they would not go quietly Meg. Charles and the others will make sure things turn out okay. But you'd better print a copy for Jack and I'll talk to him about the tapes" He looked over at Joan and said. "Robert will give you a lift from Seattle for Samantha's birthday if you tell him the times and sleepover either side if you wish as well."

While Joan nodded Meg sighed and set the machine to print and said, "So you've been 'playing' with Mat and Robert" wanting turn her mind away from the thought of having to support Maria's claim in Court and was intrigued about the business deal that had been hatched by the three of them.

Ben laughed, sighed then gently teased knowing she needed the diversion. "Umm well put us three together for more than five minutes and we're a bit like Val, Jackie and Sara anything can happen or be said."

Meg smiled at that comparison and said firmly "Okay give, all of it!" but then started to laugh remembering that girls' night out.

Ben looked at her wondering what she'd thought of and was going to ask and explain when door swished open and Sara came in with very fretful twins in their buggy and called out seeing the people … no the person she wanted. "Ben! thank goodness you're awake Susan needs your voice and attention she's woken up in a really bad mood."

Hearing the real relief in Sara's voice Ben looked at her in surprise and then remembered the other day and sleeping twins and glanced at Meg and then at Joan and shrugged and started to walk over to the lounge area.

Sara didn't need words she was already trying to get out the grizzling, fretful twin out, but it was a bit difficult as she'd seemed to grow an extra pair of arms and legs. Mark on the other hand quietly waited his turn.

Watching, Meg smiled and shook her head wondering if Ben realised he was becoming a hawk to the twins, and looked over at her mother and saw she was also smiling as she got up to get a child's book from the bookshelf at the end of the sofa. … Yes everything else would wait for a while ... and suddenly remembered she might need the camera … now where was it.


	63. Chapter 63

**Chapter 63**

The apartment lights were on and in the background Ben and Meg could hear Penny and Bob quietly putting things away or setting things up it didn't really matter which to them … not now.

Ben sat halfway down the bed with the laptop lying so Meg could see the screen and started to type, but every so often he looked back at his soulmate and son with immense love and pride.

Into the subject of the email he'd typed. **Your Godson Baby John Robert Evans arrived safely**

And into the rest of the email had and was typing.

**Hi Robert**

**As we promised you are one of the first ones to know … Yes thought about ringing but realised it might be a little bit early or a late depending on which side of America you are. … so as you asked Meg am emailing you and you can have this at your leisure.**

**Oh yes … I'm a very proud Dad… and a very proud husband of a very beautiful and clever wife and soulmate.**

**We were right about John's fidget time 3.00 am and to cap it all he nearly had the biggest headache of all time. Brings a whole new meaning to 'diving head first into things' … I don't know, perhaps that's where the thought came from.**

**Meg by the way is fine and at the moment … looking over my shoulder, well sort of … okay lets just say she can see the screen while resting and feeding our newborn son. I know the midwife says the real stuff will come later so it might be just comfort he needs, or just getting the pumps working … who knows, whatever he's welcome to it. **

**He has dark hair, and is good looking … yes really … as all new babies are … dark eyes but that's normal for newborns though I reckon they will stay dark given our eye colour … oh yes has a voice and a good pair of lungs … and takes after me going to be tall. Goodness knows where he put it all or perhaps he stretched as he came out. **

**Ouch… that was Meg beating me up. Okay a little kick with her legs. Warning she not only swears but also bites and I've got marks to prove it … Hey! mind out of gutter … they are on my shoulder.**

**So to the story – Yes he's a day early … and that's by Bob dates. **

**Well, what else do you expect he's our son?**

**As luck would have it Penny the midwife was seeing Andrea who has been on and off with baby pains and false starts for the last few days and begged a room here for the night - it was closer than going home and getting called out again, which happened last night and this afternoon.**

**Meg says put yoyo in and you'll know what Penny felt like. … Guess she's right … always is. **

**Back to story … Bob turned up half an hour earlier saying he really needed to get away from his kids. (We total understood well you've met them ... but this was different there was a gleam in his eyes.) Apparently while he and his wife were out working and shopping they (the kids) cleared out his shed and were using it as a play room by the time they came back. They (the kids) said in their defence they'd overheard conversations about shed being cleared for a playroom at the end of the week they decided to save mum and dad time and trouble do it that day and as a nice man knocked on the door asking for any old scrap they showed him the way. **

**Oops! **

**So you know those bits for the old car he talks about … gone … well one sack of bits had already been sold and the wing was gone for good … as in crushed. (He saw it mangled in the cube … broke his heart he'd painted a couple of days ago) He managed to rescue one small sack of bits from being dismantled and the crusher but had to pay to get them back. Adding insult to injury … the boys had given them free to the scrap man so as not to pay for stuff being carted away ... heated words between scrap man and Bob about trusting kids were exchanged. Both knew lawyers are expensive … but scrap man has yet to find out about word and mouth. **

**As you can guess Bob needed to get away before he did big damage to the kids so flew to us. His flight partner dumped him on the helipad out back and flew off within seconds. He's left his wife to 'ground' the boys (some hope!) those two get worse by the month. **

**Luckily Penny and Bob got on well so by night time tempers were quelled and plans to control the boys formulated and will be put into action later … Penny comes from large family and has three boys of her own. Also Meg's parents popped in for the evening as you can imagine it was a good evening then as Joan left she gave me a hug and said 'see the three of you sometime tomorrow'. Thought she meant Bob and us, Penny was going back to Andrea in the morning if she was not called there earlier. (We all had bets on different hours through the night guess we lost that one.) Of course Joan might have meant what I thought but there was an added twinkle in her eyes and something in her voice. I'm tempted to wake her up and ask … umm but then it again it might not been mother's intuition it could have been just memories and the thought of being with Hank. So I think we will just leave messages via the staff and wait for sonic bang as they come over in the real morning ... as in everyone else's morning.**

**Funnily enough Penny did check Meg over and said she was fine nothing was going to happen for a day or two…. She says she's going to sit in the corner and re-read her books for a while. **

**True Meg had been a bit fidgety rather that fidget being fidgety … but nothing too much; but I think that was why Penny did the check.**

**Anyway reassured we went to bed and every so often Meg fidgeted and I would rub her back and she would settle till she bumped me again and I would rub her back well you get the picture. Trouble was she was more asleep than I was.**

**As I say she is reading this as I type so if this does not get finished you know I've been attacked again. **

**Umm how can I put this nicely. … Hi Meg (big smile and pleading eyes while she giggles and points out very sweetly that she would delete the whole lot so you would not know). … **

**Okay, right point taken … so after a lot of fidgets and back rubs she decided she needed the bathroom and hopped out of bed … okay so she did not hop … she umm managed to get out of bed.**

**All I can say is I'm glad the waters broke when she was standing beside the bed and not in the bed!!! **

**Shep bless his heart took one look at the growing puddle and ran up the stairs and barking to wake up the sleepy heads upstairs.**

**Me … Hey did not freeze but then again I did not walk either, instead managed to scoot across the bed to support Meg who thought she might be able to get back on the bed but she never made it. … I did try to help her, no comment … you can guess the rest. **

**It must have been a bit of a strange sight when you come to think of it … because I ended supporting her so she had her head nestled on my shoulder next to my neck while she was resting against the side of the bed. **

**Then came the swear words and Yep bite marks!! …. **

**Excuse me a sec but Meg just reminded me, that I apparently taught her those swear words when I was learning how to walk again. …**

**Hey, who am I to argue with that … now I know she is armed and dangerous. **

**Anyway I gave her support and rubbed her back, spoke to her lovingly reminding her to breath etc. **

**As you can guess Penny and Bob came flying down stairs yelling at her to breath, not push till they got there … a few unprintable words flew around there as well. … Luckily Penny was sleeping in hospital scrubs - she thought she might have to scramble out for Andrea and would therefore only have to grab a coat, keys and go. LOL Oh and Bob had his night sweats on so everyone was decent.**

**I think the expression is shelling peas from a pod or is it peas popping out of the pod. **

**Oops! she saw that, thank goodness John is there to take her attention.**

**Anyway by the time they got to us baby John was seriously thinking about heading for the floor and I cannot be in two places at once. **

**Put it this way when Penny had a feel to find out how things were she could feel John's head coming out. Bob bless him was handy with some towels and had somehow managed to switched the incubator on as well. Of course they had to be mind full of that rather large puddle, a couple of towels went that way as well. Perhaps they went there in case they missed John as he finished coming out … they didn't miss. They caught him and then presented us with out son. A fantastic moment that words cannot express….**

**Still wondering where Bob found all those towels, perhaps Jackie had a secret store and told him.**

**No kidding though, it was less than ten minutes from waters breaking to out into this big wide world, wrapped up in a towel and having his first wash ... cannot really blame the lad for yelling can you. **

**Sara is going to be sooo pissed off.**

Ben looked up and smiled not only at Meg's soft chuckle but because the door between the apartments swung open letting Simon and Jackie in.

Jackie was carrying a tray full of mugs of tea and looked across at them and exclaimed with a big smile. "I thought you would still be hard at it and would need refreshments or help."

Meg gave another chuckle while Ben asked. "How?"

Simon laughed and answered, "We heard Shep barking and guessed. Congratulations, do you mind?"

Knowing what he meant Ben and Meg laughed and said together. "No of course not and the drinks are welcome." Then looked at each other slightly shocked realising they'd said the same thing.

Simon and Jackie came over and handed out the drinks, baby John had finished his guzzle so Meg gently handed him over to Jackie knowing he would be safe and had her drink, Ben had his then went back to his mail.

**Just got interrupted by our two sharp eared hawks apparently they heard Shep's barks and come bearing drinks. They have their uses … bless them.**

**Of course Bob and Penny have done their doctor and midwife bits and Meg and John are all right though Meg will feel a bit sore.**

**So … I'll expect you on the next flight out or as soon as you can get that pilot to move … Hey don't break any speed limits and watch out for Bette and AJ's flight if you are coming from that direction though I will be mailing or ringing them a bit later … as in proper morning their time.**

**I'm guessing this will be baby John's morning cuppa time now he's not attached to Mum, he all ways used to get her to go for a quick walk and then we'd drop off again. So we'll just have to get used to it being in our schedule and bit longer and hope we can drop off again afterwards.**

**As for now we know Penny and Bob will be watching over him as they've made up beds on the sofa and once word gets round our other family will flock round (hey … come on … they will be more hawkish than normal! So of course they will fly.) Again that will be in the proper morning. I just hope they will sort out visiting times other wise it will get a bit crowded in here.**

**Not that I will mind … it is soo amazing just to see him with his mum and I am so happy to have them and to be here. **

**Photos will follow, love to you all if you are with Sue and the girls.**

**Ben, Meg and of course baby John**

Ben sent the mail then looked up as he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Let me have the laptop and you can shift up and hold your son." Bob said gently, knowing Ben had deliberately not held him yet. He saw the flash of doubt in Ben's eyes and added with a reassuring smile. "It will be fine, you didn't freeze when it mattered and we need photos of the happy family."

He was rewarded with a smile and the doubt fading from Ben eyes, took the laptop and handed it to Jackie, who had already given John to Meg and then he picked up the camera.

Meg sat quietly with John snuggled close to her, she understood Ben's fears about freezing, zoning out and therefore possibly dropping his son. They all knew that walking and carrying baby John was out of the question and would get around it. For now though he just needed to trust himself, after all he had not frozen when she needed him tonight. Instead he had calmed the blind panic, which had hit her when her waters broke and contractions really hit her and she knew their son was coming.

As Ben made himself comfortable beside her she noted he made sure that he was well away from the edge and Jackie was close by just in case. Simon like Bob was ready with cameras huge smiles and encouraging banter. She shifted carefully with her precious bundle and looking into her soulmate deep loving eyes then handed over her son and watched him gently slightly awkwardly cradle him in his arms.

She smiled with a gentle sigh seeing the awe in his face as he looked and felt his son. She knew just what he was feeling even after having John in her for nine months, now suddenly he was with them and theirs to protect it felt so different, so amazing. She watched as Ben's fingers gently stroked those small baby hands and looked into those dark baby eyes that were still trying to focus on this big new world he had joined and she saw a look of contentment on both their faces. She snuggled beside him gently resting her head on his shoulders and snaked her arm in his, it was soo good to be beside him and to know he was there … they were there.

Without interrupting or intruding the threesome Bob and Simon took their photos then with Jackie and Penny knowing Mum, Baby and Dad really needed rest gently teased the happy family apart. Then they took photos of a sleepy baby with proud midwife and doctor before gently putting him in his cot and the main hawks gave promises that photos would get sorted out possibly sent to a certain Godparent while the threesome slept and left. Penny made sure cover was available for Andrea because she was staying here regardless and then she and Bob decided watches so there would be cover through out the morning.

Shep had not been forgotten he'd been made a fuss off by all, been out to visit a tree … and who could blame him … and now he lay with his head on his paws and tail wagging slowly watching his master and mistress, but in a position where he could see this new addition that all the fuss was about.

Ben and Meg sorted themselves out and walked round Shep to give their son one last look before getting back into bed. Satisfied he was really there and okay they went back to bed and curled up together and with gentle words and some laughter they kissed and then snuggled down to sleep, knowing nothing was going to be quite the same again.


	64. Chapter 64

**Chapter 64**

In the 'proper' morning the new parents were woken by John's cries for food and he was duly feed and changed all under the watchful eyes of the now nicknamed Penny Hawk. The main hawks well they produced breakfast for everyone and once eaten cleared it away, took Shep for a walk and generally flitted around.

Meg was resting in bed as any new mum should … had no choice really … and Ben sent out messages and photos on the main computer to friends near and far.

Of course, neither were surprised that the adopted grandparents and grandparents were the first on the scene … having rung each other and decided joint visit was the only way … so during the visit the new born was duly picked up, cuddled then lovingly passed round and when they found out he had a good pair of lungs and voice. **And** because Ben was the closest when it happened and was sitting down … baby John was duly handed over, with a grin ... after all that is what you do, when they cry and they not your own.

Both lots of grandparents and Mum watched as Ben looked at his son and gently soothed the crying babe. Yes the cries soon gave way to quietness as those big dark eyes of the baby looking up at Dad and sensing he was safe even if he could not see or know anything properly snuggled down to sleep.

Of course Jack being Jack could not resist the gentle teasing comment of 'human dummy' remembering how Sara's twins use Ben as 'quiet space' and everyone lets them. As soon as Jack said it he knew he'd be in trouble from Ben's wicked grin. He smiled and sighed guessing it would be diaper changing but that would be good he would be close to his so called grandson. Seeing all was safe they made their escape and warned the happy couple sister and brother in law, minus twins would be round.

When they'd all left Meg turned her attention to the emails on the laptop and then looked across at Ben and gently asked. "Shall I read Robert's out."

Ben nodded guessing Meg's voice would not disturb the sleeping baby in his arms, and he couldn't get over there, not till someone took his son off him, and he didn't want that yet.

Meg read it out with a smile.

"**Hi Proud parents and baby John**

**Congratulations.**

**Trust you two to pip everyone to the post. Should have known it would happen now of all times!**

**YES Boston Dammit!**

**Called to an emergency meeting – so in the air - just arriving!!!**

**As soon as I've finished this, will try and get new pilot as this one has done his flight time and come over. **

**Colleagues will find a note telling them I've gone – well they got themselves into this dam mess they can get out of it and if it goes bust … too bad.**

**So see you as soon as I can. **

**Will bring sleepy pilot with me otherwise I will never hear the end of it, so warn Mandy!**

**Sue and family bless them will fly in from Seattle as soon as possible. Yes told them as soon as I read it.**

**Thank Simon for sending photos will send them round the other computers I know you will not mind. Goodness knows how he did them so quickly. If I see Mat will bring him if not no doubt he will come later.**

**Oh if only I could have been there or have a video of it!!! Was going to call in on the way back just to say hi….**

**Hope you Meg are feeling okay, I can see and tell by mail and pictures how very proud you both are. **

**I know all about Ben's understatements so I guess Bob must have been very cross about the wing and car bits … tell him I'll see what we can do through our firm to get some replacements … I know how much he was looking forward to getting messy! Tell him to thank the stars the main bit of the car was in the garage and the boys didn't clear that out. **

**At least he was in the right place at the right time and so was Penny.**

**Oh I am sooo cross at being here!!!**

**Hope Andrea is okay LOL She has Sue's sympathy her first gave several false alarms and she was so embarrassed by them. **

**As I said as soon as I can fly I will be with you so take care and love all three of you. Oh that sounds odd but nice.**

**Robert.**

Both Meg and Ben laughed in sympathy, almost seeing Robert jumping up and down as he wrote it.

Meg pressed reply and typed.

**Hi Robert**

**Sorry to hear you are such a long way away, what happened to delegation. **

**I'm sure you are by now in the air and flying back to us. We could almost see you jumping up and down in frustration. LOL**

**As you can see it is now proper morning here and Sue has rung so Jack will collect her and daughters, rooms will be ready for you and sleepy pilot. Though I guess he'll sleep on the plane. **

**I like your idea and will pass it on to Bob and I know he'll say thank you and yes he was really really cross. **

**I hate doing this to you but at the moment I have a wonderful sight and one I know you will like when you see it in real time as you stay with us … and yes you will see it at sometime as it's not a one off. **

**Ben is sitting on the sofa with a sleeping baby John cuddled to him and when he looks at John he has this look of deep love and satisfaction ... yep one very very proud Dad … and yes it's been aimed at me so I know I'm included and love it. I can tell you where I've seen that look before, you've seen it as well, but that one was directed at Samantha and not by him. **

**In that respect he and Derek were identical and the look and awe around him is stunning, no wonder Sara was affected when she saw them together. Strange what thoughts come at times like this. **

**I suspect I show a similar expression and feeling being a very very proud Mum and to be honest I still can not believe he's arrived.**

**Don't tell Ben I said this but when grandparents were here Jack commented on him (Ben) being a 'human dummy'. The twins are more active now but when they want peace they find Ben and snuggle up to him and are out like a light. Leaving Ben wondering when he's going to be able to move again! **

**Both sets of proud grandparents came by and cuddled John who then decided to prove to them he has a voice. You know they should have known better really, but I guess we all know John is going to be the most spoiled and handed round baby so it might just as well start now. Anyway like 'good' grandparents they gave him back to Ben as he was nearest and sitting down, I'm resting in bed but will get up soon regardless. **

**It was lovely and natural that he cradled John in his arms and with soft words and looking at him John clamed down and is asleep. Though I know John cannot focus properly I'm sure there was something there that tells him he is totally safe … could it have been in that first look and cuddle. Hence Jack's comment. **

**Penny is on the phone at the moment but I don't think Ben's going to draw attention to the fact John should be back in his cot. Of course there's Jackie, who is silently watching from the kitchen area but I think she's enjoying the picture too much to do anything at the moment. **

**Should I be jealous of his knack I wonder … no not really as I know I will cuddle John when I feed him.**

**As for Jack well he's doing the main running around and will collect you if you tell us when, I think he's trying to get out of diaper duty. Fat chance of that! You should have seen the wicked gleam in Ben's eyes as he heard Jack's comment. LOL**

**For me … Yes I'm proud and fairly sore and still amazed that I'm a Mum, John seems so small compared to us and yet too big to have actually been inside of me and a good pair of lungs and not afraid to use them. Of course having so many doctors in the family means both of us have been checked over and been given the okay, though the main doctor will call in to give the usual okay. Oh yes both grandfathers are doing the registering of the birth. And yes I'm being watched and waited on for the moment, talk about fluttering of wings around me … I know how Ben used to feel and it's nice … for a short while. **

**Names are funny things sometimes I have to think of him as 'baby' John otherwise I think of Ben 'John'. Guess I'll get used to it.**

**Talking about hawks, Jackie is just going over to Ben to take baby John back to his cot. Ah well.**

**You know I'm amazed at how things happened this morning, trust fidget to do it to us, I truly did not feel too bad yesterday evening and during the night just could not get comfortable and had a slight niggle in the back. **

**Of course poor Penny is not going to live this down, she checked me over and said I would be fine for a day or two first timers often have the odd twinge which it was earlier in the evening. Bye the way Penny is the most experienced midwife on the team and Andrea … well she's still waiting poor thing.**

**Yes I did keep waking Ben and was only half awake myself I can never explain how much comfort he was and I'm sorry I bit him but that was only when the contractions really got bad and I knew John was coming and there was nothing I could do. I was so scared when the waters broke and Ben was so calm and loving. **

**Funnily enough as Ben cradled me and talked to me I knew deep down everything was going to be all right. Though Penny admitted after the birth that had she been any later John would have had that headache Ben mentioned and we would have been in trouble. **

**But that did not happen and now I have this lovely son, with a mop of black hair just like his Dad's and big black eyes, which have yet to focus on us properly, but he knows us. It was truly amazing to feel him nuzzle me for his feed and to know I can feed him like that. Mind you come 3 am tomorrow morning or any morning I expect it will be a different story. Yes I reckon that 3 am will be a regular time just because he is who he is. **

**Of course Shep was brilliant at running and getting the others, I hate to say this but I keep wondering if Shep might think he is permitted to puddle now. So far he seems to have accepted the baby, guarded him through the rest of night and is now watching from his favourite place on the rug. You can almost see proud 'dad' written in his expression, talk about tail being wagged off! **

**Bit of news, which I find very exciting though Ben says not to go over the top about it, and must be kept quiet, as many things have to be sorted out. **

**Ben mailed Ricardo with the news and pictures and got a phone call five minutes later, as you know Benjy and Ben have been in contact via letters and email but not actually spoke yet. They as in Ricardo and Ben thought it would be best face to face and passage of time. Providing there are no children illnesses in the family they are coming as soon as possible and stay till after the christening. With a possibility of them living across the valley, it will depend on how everyone gets on so Benjy does not know that bit yet. Ricardo has found out through the police network that there is likely to be a detective job becoming available in November. If things go well he will apply but has said he does not want any strings pulled he needs to get it on his own, so no help from Jack or family situation being known and we understand that. He is good so I think he will get it.**

**The reason Maria has been causing more trouble and each time Ricardo goes to court to stop her she finds something else … the latest is presents for the children via mail order. He thinks they need to sort of disappear and perhaps she will realise he is serious when he like the judge says no contact at all ever. **

**The strange thing is that just after Derek's death Ben gave me an alternative ending to their story and that was he and Derek had families either side of the valley and we visited each other. I know nothing can bring Derek back but with his children that close and being a whole family we will be able to face what ever happens in the future.**

**Can you imaging the sight of Ben cuddling John with Samantha and Benjy either side of him … I know I can and I'm not building up my hopes I know it will happen … Just as I know I will be riding Snow White as soon as possible. LOL **

**As far as I'm concerned though, the most wonderful thing is to hold my son in my arms and have my soulmate beside me, or he holds his son and I'm snuggled up beside him, whichever is good. **

**Guess what Val and Paul have booked the lunch time slot to see us!!!! **

**See you soon take care.**

**With love Meg, Ben and John **

Meg pressed the send button and felt a hand gently rest on her shoulder, she looked up and smiled, she had been so taken with her mail she had not realised Ben had moved.

She responded to his gentle kiss on her lips and when they broke apart waited while he sat on the edge of the bed. Watching his slow dark smile, which reached deep into his eyes and his loving soft voice sent waves of warm love through her as he said. "Sara and Casey are on their way over your parents are looking after the twins, Penny and Jackie say its okay for you to sit out on the sofa for a while though after lunch you should get some sleep."

She smiled at his gentleness and understanding, he knew what is it was like to be stuck in bed and wanted to be up and around even if sitting on the sofa was it while people were around and said lovingly. "I'll be up in a moment if you can find me something to put on and you'll rest with me after lunch." She ended hopefully now she was not carrying she'd hope he would rest beside her.

Ben looked at her laughed gently then admitted. "Yes, Jackie is insisting I do the same so I will be with you. How about the blue dress it buttons up in front easier for John to get his lunch."

Meg chuckled and watched as he found the dress and then helped her change ready for her sister's visit.

It was not long before Sara and Casey came through the doors from the garden area, the sparkle in her sister's eyes and huge smile told Meg that she was forgiven her the easy and early birth.

Especially as they hugged Sara laughingly and lovingly said "Typical, show me up every time. Come on show him off to us."

They went over to the cot while Casey hugged and congratulated Ben before following them over to watch the sleeping baby.

Sara said softly almost wistfully, "You know they are at their best like that … quiet and in one place." Which made them all laugh … quietly … hoping not to disturb him and knowing it was more than likely he would grow up to be like the twins, into everything at the earliest opportunity. After all his birth had proved he was an early bird and having those two nearby was just asking for trouble in the nicest possibly way.

**The End**

Well that's it I had to leave them somewhere.

Hope if you got this far you've enjoyed my ramblings.

I would really love to know what you thought of the story but most of all thanks for reading.

Thought I should add the songs 'Can You Feel the Love Tonight.' from Loin King (noting Jack's coming retirement as Police Chief) and 'My Heart Will Go On' from Titanic (Ben's love for Meg) were versions sung by Michael Ball.


End file.
